Home Improvements

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Shoddy Chic

A step-by-step guide on how to out crate Crate & Barrel

By Sara Bir

Alas, we cannot all reside in the house of our dreams–but we can personalize the humble home we occupy already. Decorating trends have shifted to emphasize realism, with a comfortably lived-in look that still maintains a sense of refinement. Such an approach finds its stride here in our idyllic Northern California wine country setting, melding so naturally with our casual lifestyles and appreciation for culture and fine things.

But–alas again!–not all can afford those fine things, particularly in these thin times. A slimming bank account does not mean you must settle for life in an unadorned shoebox: a lack of funds can be compensated with a surplus of creativity. Finding that the cost of assembling standard household needs outreached my budgetary limitations, I was left with no option but to strap on my thinking cap and keep a watchful eye on the curbside for treasures come garbage day.

Here are three examples of how–with little to no budget–to furnish yourself and your home in your own unique style. The following sets of instructions truly do work, as I developed them myself and every day find joy in using and enjoying the small touches of luxury they have brought to my life.

Rustic Furniture

1. Work as cook in commissary of catering business. Liberate two empty wooden asparagus crates from caterer.

2. Visit friends in San Francisco. Admire their Nob Hill apartment while feeling thankful for your own apartment, which is less than half the rent for more than twice the space. Spy ugly framed print in Nob Hill neighbor’s garbage. Thank friends for visit. Take framed print home with you.

3. Using images clipped from backlog of Wine Spectator, Saveur, and Food & Wine magazines, assemble wine-themed collage over ugly print. Replace print in frame.

4. Place frame, collage side up, over asparagus crates. Admire new coffee table.

5. Crack glass in frame by using coffee table as footstool one too many times. Realize your furniture is dangerous. Go to TAP Plastics (in Santa Rosa: 707.544.5772; in San Rafael: 415.454.6393) and purchase large sheet of unbreakable clear plastic. Cut to fit with heavy-duty scissors and replace glass.

Total cost: $8.99 for plastic, one trip to San Francisco, and several messy evenings cutting pictures out of magazines.

Classy Window Treatments

1. Landlord apologizes for your bedroom’s total lack of window treatment and tells you that if you change in the closet, passers-by will not see you naked.

2. Landlord selects cheesy, unsturdy curtain rod from hardware store and installs it while you are at work. Landlord hangs pair of mint-green velvet drapes, which clash horribly with desired rock and roll aesthetic.

3. Landlord sells house and takes drapes. New homeowners too overwhelmed by duct tape holding shower tiles in place to worry about tenant’s privacy.

4. Dig through blankets in storage. Find harvest-gold-toned bedspread that belonged to parents circa 1966 and in subsequent years evolved into picnic blanket and painting tarp. Wash bedspread. Examine for holes. Mend hole. Find another. Mend. Find another. Decide hole is too small to matter.

5. Measure window. Measure much-mended bedspread. Cut bedspread in half and hope it fits.

6. Drag out sewing machine. Discover it is broken, probably because it predates bedspread. Take to repair shop.

7. Call repair shop. Ask why you have not heard from them in four weeks.

8. Pick up repaired sewing machine two weeks and $140 later. Convert halved bedspread into drapes with five, easy minutes of sewing.

9. Decide drapes are boring and attach shiny strands of beads made for decorating Christmas trees. Locate forgotten spool of tiny silver plastic beads and edge drapes to echo Christmas garland theme. Drink tea, hum to self, feel cozy.

10. Hang up drapes. Realize you have just created ugliest window treatment in history of home decoration. Decide newfound privacy feels too good to care. Close drapes, get naked, and jump around room.

Total cost: $140, plus phone call to mother bragging about earth-friendly recycling of bedspread, plus rental of video to keep self entertained while sewing tiny plastic silver beads around edge of drapes.

Fragrant Herb Knot

1. Admire rosemary shrubs in neighbor’s yard. Rub fingers against them every time you walk past to release pungent perfume. Think about yummy rosemary focaccia. Return at twilight with scissors and remove a few branches. Enjoy homemade rosemary focaccia with herb-rubbed loin of lamb for dinner next night.

2. Survey own yard. Notice that gigantic top-heavy cactus can hardly support its weight. Decide this is nature’s way of pruning. Ignore yard.

3. Hear ominous thud against bedroom window in middle of night. Work up courage to go outside and check out situation, only to discover that cactus collapsed and fell on window. Return to bed.

4. Notice yard looks empty without Volkswagen-sized cactus. Devise plan to plant pretty grouping of herbs in front yard, which will both beautify and flavor life.

5. Take trip to garden center. Purchase parsley, cilantro, thyme, and sage plants. Justify cost because upcoming bounty of home-grown herbs at fingertips will save money on grocery bills.

6. Clear mulch away from not too shady, not too sunny spot in yard. Visualize arrangement of herbs. Try to locate trowel. Discover you do not own one.

7. Locate sturdy stick. Violently stab shallow holes in dirt. Plant herbs.

8. Curse feral neighborhood cats for eating cilantro plant.

9. Curse feral neighborhood cats for eating parsley plant.

10. Notice sage is dying. Pick off its three remaining spotty leaves and add to bean soup.

11. Realize thyme plant is not anywhere to be found. Wonder what happened to it.

12. Opt to decorate yard in manner that requires less maintenance. Find pottery piggy bank from Mexico in friend’s garage. Place pig in yard over former herb knot and name “Javelina.”

Total Cost: around $10 for herbs, trowel optional.

From the April 11-17, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Annapurna

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Annapurna

Nepalese Auld Lang Syne

Annapurna means more than good eats

By Maria Wood

In the West, the New Year is traditionally celebrated by staying up very late and getting stinking drunk. But for the Nepalese New Year, which falls this year on Sunday, April 14, people “get up early in the morning and read a good book or clean up the house, or something like that,” according to Dikendra Maskey, recalling his youth. “People there believe that if you start off the first day by doing something good, then the rest of the year will be good for you as well.”

Perhaps the childhood lessons of New Year’s stuck with Maskey, because he seems to be doing good deeds all the time even though they sometimes appear to be at the expense of his own self-interest.

For instance, when Maskey was a small boy growing up in a village outside of Kathmandu, his father journeyed seven days to buy a radio for the household. Maskey was so curious about the big, singing box–and so worried about the poor, tiny people he imagined trapped inside–that he dismantled the new radio to set them free.

“I had to hide from my father for several days after that,” he says with a laugh.

It seems this combination of curiosity and compassion has guided Maskey’s life from the time he was a child. Now, as owner of Annapurna Restaurant in Santa Rosa, Maskey remains inquisitive about the ways of society and likes to share his concerns. So it’s not uncommon for him to talk to customers about the fate of women in Nepal.

“Over there, life is not fair toward women,” he says. “They still do most of the work, and they’re kept in the dark. It’s a hard life. I feel I need to tell people here about it, that they need to know. I believe that knowledge leads to a better world.”

But Maskey is not one to lecture. And he realizes that people come to his restaurant to have a good meal and a good time, and they might not be in the mood to discuss human rights. But then again, they might. If diners choose to begin a dialog, Maskey is more than willing to comply. And luckily, the restaurant is full of little conversation starters.

For example, if customers ask what the name “Annapurna” means, they could be opening the door to an extended discussion. Maskey will first explain that in Nepalese “anna” means grain and “purna” means food, and Annapurna is the goddess of plenty. It’s a fitting name for a restaurant. But Annapurna is also the name of a mountain range in Nepal, which was scaled by an American woman in 1978 during International Women’s Year.

“That was a big event in my life, to see that women can travel on their own and do things they want to do,” Maskey says.

Right around the same time, American hippies were filing into Kathmandu, where Maskey was attending boarding school. The hippies’ exotic dress and lifestyle and strange philosophies mesmerized the teenager. He was especially enamored by the idea that a woman could be a life partner and not just a servant. Little by little, he says, “I stopped going to classes and I started learning to play guitar.”

Eventually, Maskey went back to school to get a Ph.D. in social anthropology. He also found work as an instructor for the Peace Corps. It was his job to teach the new volunteers everything from personal safety to the language and customs of Nepal. And that’s where he met Julie Sabbag, an independent young volunteer from Palo Alto. The two eventually married and had a child. Three years later, they would have another daughter.

Maskey needed to return to his hometown to finish his dissertation. He and his wife planned to stay only three months; they ended up living there for five years.

When he went back to the village with his wife and baby daughter, his “eyes became wide open” to the plight of women, Maskey recalls. “They were the ones cutting the wood and working in agriculture and raising the children. They spent all their time working, but the men didn’t. It wasn’t right. But there was little [the women] could do, because they were kept in the dark. They didn’t even know how to read. So every day I would spend 5 to 10 hours talking to people in the village, trying to change things.”

At first, Maskey says, everyone was resistant. “The men would say, ‘Why are you doing this? Things are good the way they are.’ But I don’t believe things are good for men or for women when women are kept down.”

Eventually, Maskey was able to start teaching a literacy class that included health and general education topics to the village women. A picture of one of his first graduates can be found on a wall near the back of the restaurant. At the same time, Maskey served as headmaster for the area school, which enrolled about 800 students. “It was the only high school around, and some of the children had to walk two to three hours just to get there,” he says. A picture of three of these boys hangs next to the photograph of the woman. (The pictures are two more of the many conversation starters in the restaurant.)

Maskey’s educational programs started garnering more and more popular support. But his popularity and resulting power brought on the ire of politicians. “The government was very corrupt, and I had no desire to be involved,” he says. “But that didn’t make a difference. They still didn’t want me around. I just kept doing what I was doing.”

But when a political tide turned the populace against America, Maskey decided it was time to leave. “The only American for miles around was my wife,” he says, “and I was afraid someone stupid might hurt her or our children.”

So the family moved to California and opened Annapurna a year and half ago. Maskey believes that eating the foods of different cultures helps people relate to one another. “The more knowledge and communication there is between cultures, the better it is for us all,” he says.

Annapurna’s menu represents many foods unique to Kathmandu. In most of Nepal, Maskey says, the food is a simple, peasant’s diet. But the main city evolved a “high-class, complex cuisine for the royal families.” The fare was influenced by India from the south and China from the north, but, he adds, “there’s nothing else really like it.”

He points to two dishes on the menu as typical foods eaten in Nepal at this time of year. The chhuela is an appetizer of barbecued lamb cubes, marinated in mustard oil, green onions, ginger, garlic sauce, and Himalayan spices. And the aloo kauli is a vegetable entrée featuring cauliflower and potatoes cooked in mild spices.

“Summer is monsoon season in Nepal, so spring is the time when everyone goes out for picnics,” Maskey says. And since New Year’s Day is a national holiday, many people take advantage of it by picnicking with family and friends. Reading and cleaning are worthy New Year’s activities, Maskey says, “but it’s also a good thing to get together with people you care about and have a good meal.”

Annapurna. Lunch, Monday-Saturday, 11:30am-2:30pm; dinner daily, 5-9:30pm. 535 Ross St., Santa Rosa. 707.579.8471.

From the April 11-17, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial’

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‘E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial’

E. Tease

Curator responds to the revisionist tinkerings of Steven Spielberg

Writer David Templeton takes interesting people to interesting movies in his ongoing quest for the ultimate postfilm conversation.

Mickey McGowan is pissed off. “I am. I’m pissed off,” he admits, his voice rising ever so slightly as his mouth forms the words and tosses them out like a pair of old tennis shoes hitting the garbage can–not that Mickey McGowan would toss out a pair of old tennis shoes. Or anything else for that matter. But he is pissed off. “And I don’t get pissed off that often,” he adds.

The focus of McGowan’s infrequent yet sizable ire is Steven Spielberg’s E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial. The classic 1982 fantasy starring Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore–the story of a little lost alien and his unlikely friendship with three suburban siblings–has, in celebration of its 20th anniversary, been messed with. As widely reported, Spielberg has gone and tinkered with his sentimental blockbuster, enhancing the special effects with new digital technologies, adding formerly deleted scenes, and–here’s where McGowan gets especially miffed–altering several key moments to make the film more palatable to what Spielberg believes are the newly evolved attitudes of modern moviegoing audiences.

Remember the famous scene where the boys on bikes fly over the heads of pistol-waving policemen? The guns are now gone, digitally replaced with walkie-talkies. Then there’s the Halloween scene in which the mom tells her son he can’t go trick-or-treating dressed as a terrorist. In the new post-9-11 version, mom now objects to his going out as “a hippie.”

“It’s confusing and unnecessary, and these changes rankle me,” says McGowan, 55, artist and curator of the legendary (though currently closed) Unknown Museum, a Marin County landmark showcasing McGowan’s staggering collection of abandoned pop-culture toys and artifacts from the 1950s to the early ’80s. E.T. stands as one of McGowan’s favorite cinematic icons.

But that’s only part of the reason he’s so annoyed by the new E.T.

“Movies are like mirrors of the times they were made in,” argues McGowan. “If you start changing things 20 years later, you risk changing the way we think of the past, you do a disservice to history. Taking the guns away is so … I mean, gee whiz, every Spielberg movie but Close Encounters has guns in it.”

The core issue, of course, is that in E.T. the guns are in the same shot with kids. Spielberg has publicly stated that in a time when we are still reeling from events like Columbine and Littleton, movies that show kids and guns together make him uncomfortable.

“So he should stop making those kinds of movies,” says McGowan. “I have no problem with that. But E.T. wasn’t made in the age of Columbine. So for history’s sake, we should just leave well enough alone.”

Celluloid Snipping

Since movie directors themselves no longer seem to see their films as historical documents, then why not take a high-tech paintbrush to everything that either offends us or has become too dated and out-of-touch. After all, we have the technology, so why waste it? To that end, a select sampling of movie fans were asked to fantasize about what substitutions, additions, or deletions they’d like to see made in classic films. Here are some of the results.

“To begin with, changes could be made in the film version of Woodstock,” says historian David Allyn, author of Make Love, Not War–The Sexual Revolution: An Unfettered History. “All those 20-year-olds should be given digital nipple and bellybutton piercings to make them look more ‘today.’ And Casablanca could be recut to get rid of all those scenes of people smoking. We wouldn’t want kids getting the wrong message, would we?”

“Why not wash the blackface from the faces of Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland in Babes in Arms,” suggests San Jose cineaste Leslie Thorne, in reference to the 1939 film in which the stars get funky with an old-fashioned minstrel show. “While you’re at it, someone should digitally alter Terminator 2 so that Arnold puts a legally required safety helmet on the underage Edward Furlong during the dangerous motorcycle sequence.”

The most daring suggestion of all comes from Josh Kornbluth, the actor, writer, and director of the indie cult-comedy Haiku Tunnel. Says Kornbluth, “Could someone please take all of Adam Sandler’s movies and digitally replace him with Ben Stiller?”

Of course someone could. And probably will. It’s only a matter of time.

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

North Bay Music Clubs

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North Bay Music Clubs

Caught in the Act

Adventures in club land

By Greg Cahill

Is it too early to celebrate? For the first time in three years, the North Bay has an honest-to-God club scene–featuring a wide range of local and touring acts–that looks like it might sustain itself at least through the summer.

Until recently, things were pretty bleak. Santa Rosa–where the city council and police department had managed to quash the nightlife–was a virtual ghost town. The closure last year of the venerable Inn of the Beginning in Cotati seemed like an ill omen, and the 1996 demise of Magnolia’s, the longtime Railroad Square rock club, had left Sonoma County music fans scrambling; only Petaluma’s Mystic Theatre and the Powerhouse Brewing Co. in Sebastopol held down the fort, so to speak. Pretty slim pickin’s for a county that boasts a half million residents.

What a difference a year makes. The opening last year of the Last Day Saloon in Santa Rosa marked the return of top classic rock, folk, and roots bands to the otherwise sleepy county seat. And, more recently, crowds are spilling out of Jessie Jean’s Coffee Beans on Mendocino Avenue near Santa Rosa Junior College, where alt-rock and indie bands from Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Francisco, and Oakland perform on weekend nights.

In Petaluma, the Phoenix Theatre–the city’s celebrated punk emporium–has forestalled foreclosure and is staying one step ahead of the law.

In Healdsburg, the recently opened Healdsburg Bar and Grill is now hosting top blues and R&B acts, as does the outstanding Bear Republic Brewing Co. And Felix and Louie’s restaurant recently has started serving up an impressive menu of jazz by notable Bay Area musicians.

In Marin County, things are jumping. The Fourth Street Tavern in San Rafael, Sweetwater in Mill Valley, and Rancho Nicasio in West Marin are continuing to offer everything from alt-rock to top touring folk artists to country swing. And 19 Broadway nightclub in Fairfax now regularly features some of the best world music, reggae, jazz, and R&B acts around. Look for a five-night stint by legendary reedman Sam Butera, widely regarded as one of the innovators of R&B sax and the longtime band leader for Las Vegas lounge king Louie Prima. Butera appears for five nights and 10 shows from April 17-21.

Meanwhile, New George’s in San Rafael–which in recent years had scaled back to Mexican banda performers–once again is booking top ’80s rock, pop, and ska acts, in a move that harks back to the days when such bands as Chris Isaak and Silvertone, the Neville Brothers, Robert Cray, and Los Lobos graced the stage there. Among the acts scheduled this spring are quirky singer-songwriter Jonathan Richman of Something About Mary fame (April 12), San Francisco drum-and-organ duo Mates of State (April 18), the English Beat with the General Public’s Dave Wakeling (April 27), Gene Loves Jezebel (May 4), the Specials (May 18), and Missing Persons (May 28).

Hey, it’s never too early–or too late–to celebrate.

Waiting Room

Can’t wait for Tom Waits’ two new albums due next month? Sit tight. You can whet your appetite with the newly released Big Bad Love (Nonesuch) soundtrack, to which the suddenly prolific Waits contributes two new tracks. Alice and Blood Money are due for release May 7.

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Reel Chocolate

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Reel Chocolate

Message For You: What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Happiness.

Chocolate Heaven

A trio of chocolatiers join Willy Wonka for a wild confectionary extravaganza

Willy Wonka must be salivating with envy. That legendary, literary candy maker–the star of two popular children’s books by Roald Dahl, made famous by Gene Wilder in the classic movie-musical Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory–has become an icon of confectionary invention and chocolate-making ingenuity, a creator of chocolates so rich and delicious they reportedly were imbued with magical qualities. It’s unlikely, however, that even Mr. Wonka could have reached the same mouth-watering heights achieved by the dream-sweet chocolates of Veronica Bowers, Condra Easley, and Guy Daniels, three of Sonoma County’s most celebrated chocolatiers.

For one thing, Wonka’s goodies were all, ahem, factory made (no slight intended to the Oompa Loompas), while the chocolatey miracles whipped up in the kitchens of Bowers’ La Dolce V, Easley’s Patisserie Angelica, and Daniels’ Gandolf’s Fine Chocolates are all made–lovingly and expertly–by hand. And while none of these celebrated North Bay chocolate wizards admits to using a chocolate river, as Wonka does, to mix their creamy chocolate into fine, frothy perfection, the methods they do use have nevertheless inspired scores of customers to swear off famous-name factory chocolates forever.

Poor Willy Wonka.

Fortunately for those who’d rather not choose sides, local chocolate lovers will have the rare opportunity to enjoy both Mr. Wonka and some of the finest chocolates in the North Bay. On Sunday, April 7, Santa Rosa’s Rialto Cinemas will be hosting a special, one-night event dubbed Reel Chocolate. The brainstorm of Paul Schwartz and Jim Lawer–a pair of Sonoma County chocolate connoisseurs–Reel Chocolate is envisioned as a grand, gustatory celebration of fine chocolate and chocolate-themed movies, featuring a screening of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory preceded by an appetite-whetting reception at which Bowers, Easley, and Daniels will all be offering samples of their tastiest inventions.

“We’re all passionate about chocolate,” says Easley, who’s only just recovered from having made hundreds of chocolate Easter eggs in the swoon-inducing kitchen of Santa Rosa’s Patisserie Angelica. “Chocolate is not just chocolate,” she says. “And with the Reel Chocolate event, we’re hoping to help elevate people’s tastes as to what good chocolate really tastes like.”

As for the sample she’ll be serving, Easley is planning to bring a delectable-sounding tea-infused truffle.

“There are a lot of ways to infuse flavors into chocolate,” explains Easley, who first honed her dessert-making skills in Paris. “A cold infusion,” she says, “involves taking the cream and infusing the tea into it, then letting it steep in the cold for a day. We use a fruity, floral tea from Mariage Frères, a famous Parisian teahouse, and the sweetness of the tea is brought out by the cold infusion process, creating a wonderfully mellow flavor.” The finished truffle, describes Easley, is “buttery and silky and smooth on the tongue. These are not gobbling chocolates. These are chocolates that are meant to be savored.”

Savoring the experience, it seems, is what Reel Chocolate is all about.

“Most people have only tasted mass-produced chocolate and have no idea what they’re missing,” says Schwartz, a teacher of video production who developed the idea for Reel Chocolate with fellow chocolate fan Lawer. “We started talking about how people have lost touch with what chocolate is meant to be, and the idea sort of hit us to combine a night of fine chocolates with the screening of a great movie.”

As for which movie to show, the choice of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory seems natural. Count Veronica Bowers of La Dolce V among those for whom Willy Wonka is a favorite.

“It’s a yearly tradition, actually” she admits. “Every Thanksgiving I watch it again.” Bowers–proclaimed by Chocolatier magazine as one of the top ten chocolate makers in the country–has not yet decided which goody to offer at Sunday night’s event.

“We have so many unusual combinations going right now,” she laughs, “it’s hard to decide on just one.” Likely candidates are her banana flambé–“If you’ve ever gone to the fair,” she says, “and had a frozen banana dipped in chocolate, it’s like that, only better”–or a malted milk ganache, introducing the flavors of an old-fashioned malted milk shake into traditional ganache, a creamy mixture of cream, butter, and chocolate.

Guy Daniels, the founder of Gandolf’s Chocolates in Graton, has narrowed his choices down to two strong possibilities: a nipple of Venus–a hand-shaped ganache covered in rich, dark couverture chocolate–or a dark chocolate truffle with minced pieces of cranberry. “It’s like an upscale Raisinette,” he laughs, “only bigger and better. A tangy feeling of dried fruit in the chocolate complements the flavor. They’re delicious.”

Daniels is a self-taught chocolatier. “I am to chocolate what Hunter S. Thompson is to journalism,” he says. A former IBM and Charles Schwab executive who left the rat race to make candy, Daniels quickly became a celebrated blender of unusual flavors. His appearance at Reel Chocolate is part of his devotion to telling the world that fine chocolate is within everyone’s reach.

“Even a person of very modest means can afford to buy the best chocolate there is,” he says, “if they can find it. But first they have to learn to appreciate it.”

Even Willy Wonka would agree with that.

Reel Chocolate takes place Sunday, April 7 at 7pm at the Rialto Cinemas Lakeside, 551 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa. Tickets are $20 at the door.

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Judo

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Judo

Gently Kicking Ass

The gentlemanly sport gets a new recruit

By M. V. Wood

In Japanese, the word “judo” means “gentle way.” Brute force is shunned. Instead, it’s a sport where strength merges with grace, a gentleman’s game emphasizing character and honor. So it didn’t help the reputation of Graton’s Lance Lameyse one tiny bit when he broke all official rules and social mores by attempting to pummel his opponent’s face during the 2000 Senior Nationals.

The outburst seemed to cement Lameyse’s standing as a ruffian who would never amount to much. It comes as some surprise, then, that he’s not only returning to compete in the 2002 Senior Nationals, April 12 and 13 in Cleveland, but he’s playing with the blessings of the sport’s upper echelons. As the newest judo recruit at the Olympic Training Center, the former black sheep is stepping onto the mat as an insider.

“I thought the 2000 Nationals was going to be the end of my judo career. But it turned out to be my lucky break,” Lameyse says.

The 26-year-old athlete started taking lessons at age five, in his hometown of Graton. Back in those days, Graton was still considered a seedy area full of outlaws and hillbillies, and surrounding communities referred to the young, local males as “the Graton Boys.” It wasn’t the type of place you’d expect to find judo classes. But one day an assistant chief at the local volunteer firehouse parked the fire engines outside, placed a bunch of mats on the station floor, and announced that class was in session.

“What can I say–we were a bunch of outback hillbillies doing judo,” Lameyse recalls. “But we had a blast.”

After three years at the firehouse, Lameyse started training in Berkeley with judo champion David Matsumoto. He became a skilled athlete in his 10 years there, but eventually quit taking lessons. “I was young, and I thought I could do it all on my own,” he says. “I figured I was good, and I just had to show up at the tournaments and do my best.”

Although Lameyse was talented enough to place nationally, he didn’t have enough knowledge of the game’s strategy to win gold or silver. And slowly his dreams of playing in the Olympics started to fade.

“I wasn’t going far with the judo,” he said. “I’d get third place here and there, but I couldn’t break into the top level. Plus, I was a total outsider. I didn’t even have a coach; I was totally out of the loop. I had always dreamed of going to the Olympics, but I couldn’t even get an invitation to train at the [Olympic Training Center]. And while I was putting all my energy into this dream that I couldn’t grab hold of, I was letting all the other parts of my life slide. I wasn’t working on a career. I wasn’t starting a family. Nothing.”

Those childhood taunts of how Graton Boys never amount to anything were ringing in his ears long before he stepped onto that mat during the 2000 Nationals.

As usual, the match started off with the two opponents trying to get a good grip on each other’s collars. A firm, well-placed grip is all-important to a favorable outcome, and the top players are very aggressive about getting just the right hold. It’s against the rules to punch. But if in the process of trying to get a good grip, your opponent’s face happens to get in the way of your fist, well, that’s just part of the game.

Still, it’s a gray area of the sport. The referee has to not only judge a player’s actions, but he must also try and interpret the player’s intent. And for someone from the wrong side of the tracks–a Graton Boy accustomed to having his actions misinterpreted–it’s a great luxury to have the confidence to step into such a gray area. So Lameyse avoided it.

But then there was his opponent, a student at the Olympic Center. And at his side of the mat, yelling out instructions and encouragement, was Edward Liddie, one of the country’s most respected judo coaches. To Lameyse, it seemed his opponent didn’t hesitate a split second in trying to get a good grip, even though that meant hitting Lameyse in the face repeatedly. There was no hint of fear in his eyes that maybe, just maybe, the referee might think he was cheating and trying to sneak in a punch.

Perhaps it was this very aplomb with which his opponent stepped into the gray zone that taunted Lameyse the most. In his eyes, this adversary was a privileged son who had the confidence to fight full-force in the knowledge that his actions would always be viewed with the benefit of a doubt. At that moment, Lameyse felt he would never have that privilege, nor that fighting edge. And it was probably at this very moment that Lameyse attempted to punch his opponent in the face.

None of the punches even connected. So, although Lameyse was disqualified from the match, he was allowed to continue competing in the tournament.

Though he placed third, Lameyse says, “I wasn’t very proud of my performance that night. The only reason I got the bronze was because I happened to catch the other guy off guard. I trudged through that entire tournament. I showed no finesse, I didn’t feel in control. I just sweated it out. After that competition, I felt beaten.” Lameyse was ready to give up on his dreams. That’s when he received a call from Sandro Mascarenhas.

A judo player in San Francisco, Mascarenhas always considered Lameyse to be a good guy at heart–just a little misunderstood. And when he heard the stinging rumors following the 2000 Nationals, he wanted to help. So he talked things over with nationally renowned coach Mitchell Palacio, who heads the largest judo club in the country and was ranked one of the country’s top three judo athletes for 20 consecutive years. The two offered to take Lameyse under their wing and give him individualized training and guidance.

“[Lameyse] was making a lot of mistakes because he didn’t have any guidance for this elite level,” explains Palacio. “At this stage, everyone has the basic skills, so what it comes down to is strategy and a game plan. And that’s what he lacked. But Lance has raw talent. And that raw talent alone would put him in the top three, without any strategy.”

Lameyse’s game improved so dramatically that he soon won silver at an international tournament and was recruited by the Olympic Center. He’s been there since January.

Lameyse says that Palacio and Mascarenhas taught him more than new skills and strategy. “They showed me how my attitude was getting in the way of my game, and my life. Let’s just say they made it clear that people didn’t have a problem with where I was from. They had a problem with how I was acting.

“Before all this happened, I didn’t really believe in altruism. But Sandro and Mitchell went out of their way to help me. Ever since I was little, I heard that judo is more than a sport; it’s a way of life . . . it’s a gentleman’s game. I guess those guys like to teach by example.”

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Ellen DeGeneres

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Ellen DeGeneres

Kind and DeGeneres

Ellen takes the show on the road

By Davina Baum

Some people think that cow tipping is pretty damn funny. Others might get all giggled up from a bumper sticker that says “I Break for Lunch” or a poster of a kitten hanging from a branch with a “Hang In There” tag line. Jokes about priests and rabbis usually go over pretty well at the water cooler, whereas dumb-blonde jokes seem to have lost the sheen they once had.

We like to laugh. We even make up little words for laughing, such as “ha” and “tee-hee.” Comedy is a marvelous thing. Remember the first time you saw a Monty Python movie? Remember bonding with someone over episodes of Laverne and Shirley. Remember Gallagher? I’m not sure he was so funny, but he certainly wasted a lot of watermelons. Watermelons are funny. Tee-hee.

It’s hard to write an introduction to an interview with Ellen DeGeneres, because–sadly, despairingly–I am not as funny as she is. From her early standup routines to the breakout hit Ellen to the more recent (and less of a hit) The Ellen Show, she has carved out a niche in the funny world.

Isn’t it hard to be funny all the time? This might have been a question to ask Ellen (yeah, I call her Ellen), but I didn’t ask it. I also didn’t ask about Anne Heche, Ellen’s ex-girlfriend who now has a husband and a baby and a memoir. I was gently steered away from such questions. You will also not find much mention of Rosie O’Donnell and the shocking declaration that she is gay. Yeah, she’s gay. Is it really news?

Here’s news: Ellen DeGeneres does not want to be an astronaut. Also, she might be losing her mind. You heard it here first.

I’ve been struggling with whether I should show due respect and call you Ms. DeGeneres, or whether I could go with my gut and call you Ellen.

Ellen, just Ellen.

In the same vein, can you comment on the familiarity that comes with the cult of celebrity?

Actually, I’m kind of more surprised, I guess, when people call me Ms. DeGeneres. I kind of understand a little bit, but I rarely call anybody by their last name.

I think that what I do for a living is to try to represent everybody and say that we’re all basically the same. I mean, we all have our differences, but there’s a core to all of us. So it’s fine that everybody calls me Ellen and feels that they know me. I think they do know me; when I’m onstage doing whatever I do, I’m pretty much myself. I mean, they certainly don’t know all aspects of me; there’s a lot more that they don’t see. But I think that pretty much I am who I appear to be, so people do feel like they know me.

What about other celebrities? I mean someone like Sean Penn, for example, who obviously wants to hide a lot.

First of all, he’s not a comedian. I think that when you’re a comedian it’s different, because–and especially if you do observational things about life–it’s really important to your material, to you as an artist, to stay as grounded and as in touch with reality as you can. One of the reasons I’m coming back on the road is that I had gone too long without being on the road before my last tour two years ago, and I find that you can really isolate yourself when you’re in this business; it certainly takes you to another level and what your experiences are–do you go to the grocery store, do you fill your own gas tank. … I mean, most people have assistants who do everything for them.

I think it’s important, especially as a comedian, to get your material from life experiences. When you get to be famous, when you have a lot of money, you’re more and more in a bubble. So Sean Penn–I know him somewhat and he’s a really nice guy, but he’s a very private person and also he’s not a comedian–all of his roles are really different; he’s more of a blank slate. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way, that sometimes that’s really the best thing. The audience wants to perceive you the way they want, they want to make you their fantasy, and as soon as you start labeling yourself and identifying yourself as gay or Democrat or vegetarian or whatever, you start narrowing down people because they have opinions of you. I understand the privacy issue completely. It’s a little too late for me.

Can you me what’s going on with The Ellen Show?

I’m willing to wager it’s not going to come back, and so if that happens I have a second position, something that I’m going to do if the show doesn’t come back, but I can’t talk about it yet. I’m starting the tour in Santa Rosa, so I won’t have the information then, but somewhere in the middle of the tour I will [be able to] reveal it.

And why do you think the show, if it isn’t continuing–what it is about it that hasn’t allowed it to be successful?

Well, I don’t think Friday night was a good night for me. My show is a little edgier and a little hipper. Most shows on CBS are family shows, and although my show, in my opinion, is a family show–it’s about going home again and living with your mom and sister–it’s not the same kind of thing as the shows that are on now. So I think that would probably be the reason for it.

It’s hard, it’s so hard to get a good cast together, a good idea. I thought we had that: Cloris [Leachman] was great, everybody on the show was great. When you have a first-year show, you definitely have a lot of work to do. You find out what works, what doesn’t. Look at any show. The first year is always rough. So there are definitely things I would change, and if we come back I’ll change those things and I’ll make it funnier and better and just keep working harder. But if it doesn’t, I gotta keep moving.

As far as your tour goes, how do you develop your material?

Originally, I just wanted to get back on the road, and I just thought, ‘Why am I worried about doing new material?’ There are a lot of comedians who go out and just kind of do a combination of a lot of old stuff. There’s some of that stuff that I really love doing and I miss doing. So that was my initial idea, just going on the road and doing a combination of the last [HBO] special, which was The Beginning, and then older material that people still come up to me and say, you know, that airline stuff or that hunting stuff, or whatever it was. I’m also trying to write some new stuff and blend it in.

I’m my worst critic. I tear things apart before they even get down on paper. So I’m a really slow writer, and the process for me is torture. It’s not like when you’re writing music: You get together with a band and you jam and play back and forth and come up with what the song is. With me, to be by myself and just all of a sudden go, ‘What’s the deal with shoes?’–you know, it just doesn’t come out like that; I have to be around people and expand as I start talking about the subject. I have that horrible procrastination thing that I’m sure you can identify with–any writer can–and I’ve learned to just accept it; it’s baking in there somewhere.

And that’s sort of what the beginning of this tour [will be like]. I don’t know if they’re lucky people or unlucky. The beginning of the tour is basically going to be me on stage with a notebook trying to remember my stuff. Because even my stuff from The Beginning, the last HBO special–I haven’t done it since I did it, and that was all brand new stuff. I wrote that and did it in 35 cities, and then filmed it in New York for HBO and that was it–I just walked away from it. I only did it 35 times.

I’m getting onstage here at the Knitting Factory [in Los Angeles], which is a really tiny club that I’ve actually never even been to, to just get onstage and really try to rough it out. And then I’m coming to Santa Rosa. And the lucky folks in that audience will see the birthing process. Most comedians get onstage at the Improv or the Comedy Club and just do a few minutes to try stuff out. I don’t do that. I trust my gut enough to know that it’s good enough to be in front of 3,000 people.

What do you think is funny? What makes you laugh?

Right now, Liza Minnelli and her new husband. They make me laugh. It’s not so much make me laugh–I am just in awe. I cannot get over that whole situation, and I would love to be a fly on the wall and just see what the hell is going on there.

Were you at the wedding?

No, I don’t know her. I mean, I’ve said hello to her, but I don’t know her. And I imagine if I had been in New York and run in to her just recently, I would have been invited because they were just trying to get every celebrity they could there. And I keep forgetting to ask Rosie [O’Donnell]. I keep talking to Rosie, and I keep forgetting to ask her because she went.

But what makes me laugh is the stuff that I do–obviously I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it was funny. I like observational things, human behavior; it just doesn’t get any funnier than that. And the hard part of it is to see the humor, because sometimes human behavior is just plain cruel. There’s a part of me that is just so extremely sensitive to all of life, whether it’s people chopping trees down or the stuff you see on the news, the violence, and what obviously is happening to our world since Sept. 11. There’s a part of me that’s so sensitive that I am kind of paralyzed with finding humor in any of it; it’s just not funny. Then I go to the absurd things like, ‘What if I’m out of cheese, and they’re out of cheese.’

Like today, I got out of my car–I left the keys in it because I was in one of those parking garages you have to leave the keys in–and I got out of the car and I hadn’t put it in park and it started rolling, and the guy was screaming, running, it was going right into his Harley-Davidson. So the two of us are trying to stop my car. And I don’t know what is funny about it yet. . . . Maybe it’s that I was on my way to the gym, and so my heart was racing so fast I felt like I really didn’t need to do anything, my cardio was just fine.

And that may be something I talk about onstage in Santa Rosa. That was bad. I am losing my mind. I just notice that I’m doing more things like that, and I think at what point do I start worrying about myself; when is it not comedy material but [time to] see a doctor.

Where do you draw the line, or do you draw the line, between activism and comedy? Do you consider yourself an activist?

No, not at all. No. My mother’s more of an activist than I am. I think in the beginning, when I first came out, I thought I was going to save the world, I’m going to do whatever I can because I’m aware of these horrible atrocities. And I tried. It’s interesting, because I got criticized from a lot of extreme gay groups–who do I think I am, I’m not doing anything–and it was just outrageous. I just was trying to do what I could.

And I got attacked by a lot of heterosexual people for changing so drastically, and suddenly I wasn’t funny anymore–everything was gay this and gay that. It’s a really hard line to walk. I certainly never turn my back on anything that I can help with and I definitely do my part and show up at events and charities, but I certainly know that there’s a price to pay if you really trying to entertain people–which is really my priority, it’s what I got into this business for.

I really love to make people laugh. To me, that feels like a contribution. I think it’s so important and it’s one of the reasons I wanted to get back on the road, because not only does it get me back to who I am but also it’s healing. I think we need to laugh, and I love that I can do that. And on the other hand, I feel like there’s a very unfair, unbalanced world out there, and it’s not just against gays: It’s against people of color, it’s against all kinds of people who aren’t considered the “norm.” It’s a really hard thing to try to balance both.

I think what everyone wondered the last time–I hadn’t done standup since I came out–is, was I going to be political. It didn’t change me in that way, it didn’t change my sense of humor, it didn’t change me onstage and as a performer. It changed me as a person to come out, but it certainly didn’t change what I find funny and who I am. And I think that’s what people had a hard time with–to think suddenly I’m a different person. I really wasn’t but people saw me getting involved. And shortly after that Matthew Shepard was killed, and there was a lot of stuff I was speaking out against. It gets you in trouble.

So I think there are a lot of people who do far more political work and they’re great at it. And I think that what my gift is, what I’m supposed to do, is entertain people and be funny, and at the same time stand up and be proud that I happen to also be a gay person, and I’m going to represent that as a funny person.

Who are your role models?

Oprah. I think that Oprah is god. I don’t know, I think that there are others that I’ll think about later. Like at three in the morning, I’ll wake up and think, ‘Why didn’t I say that?’

Just give me another call, any time.

At 3am?

Yeah, well, hopefully I won’t be at work then. How do you see your career progressing? Where do you want to go from here?

Well, I know where I want to go, but I can’t talk about it yet.

Like be an astronaut? Is that what it is?

That’s right, I want to go to space! Yeah, I don’t think I want to be an astronaut. But I do know what I want to do, and unfortunately I can’t reveal it yet. But it seems like when you hear it you’ll say, that’s the obvious progression, that’s obviously what she’ll do.

Ellen DeGeneres performs at the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts on April 22, 23, and 24. Tickets are available at the LBC box office, 50 Mark West Springs Road in Santa Rosa. You can also call 707.546.3600 or get them online at www.lbc.net or www.tickets.com. Tickets are $35-$65.

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus

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San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus

Regal Rock

San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus queens pay homage to Queen

By Sara Bir

Tomatoes and basil, Sauternes and foie gras, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers . . . and now, finally, the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus and Queen. Yes, that Queen, the anthematic, operatic ’70s rock monsters whose impact extends far beyond joyrides in Wayne’s World and triumphant football teams singing “We Are the Champions.” With the April 7 Tribute to Queen and Freddie Mercury preview concert at the Jackson Theater in Santa Rosa, the music of Queen will come alive through . . . queens.

“There aren’t that many bands you can sustain for a whole concert. Queen lends itself to that,” says Dr. Kathleen McGuire, artistic director of the Gay Men’s Chorus, who also arranged and conducts the tribute.

Queen combined arena rock and glam to its ultimate ends, thanks in no small part to its flamboyant frontman, Freddie Mercury, who said he wanted them to be “the Cecil B. DeMille of rock.” Mercury died in 1991, the first major rock-star casualty of AIDS.

“Someone said we should do a Village People show, but you need the Village People to do that. Queen translates well to a men’s chorus,” says McGuire. The most obvious example is “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which Mercury did 180 vocal overdubs for in the studio. With the 200-strong San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus’ performance, this effect will be produced in concert for the first time ever.

McGuire, who is now in her second season with the chorus, initially tossed around the Queen tribute idea when she became artistic director. “What we are trying to do is reproduce what Freddie Mercury wanted to do,” she says. “I didn’t realize just how effective it was until we sang it the first time. It’s not easy–it’s not something you can whip up. You need to have an exceptionally talented group of voices, and we do.”

In keeping with the spirit of the music, the chorus is bringing along a pianist and a drummer for Sunday’s preview performance, plus some multimedia surprises, such as outlandish Mercuryesque costumes and a performance of the Flash Gordon theme song featuring special effects. Eventually, the “Flash’s Theme” segment will include a short B-grade movie that one of the chorus members is producing. And McGuire promises audience participation, adding, “I know a lot of people sing along to Queen on the radio.”

The Queen tribute is the most rock-oriented show for the chorus yet. “We did ABBA a few years ago,” says McGuire, “though that is more pop.” And while Queen’s music is more classically rooted than, say, Van Halen’s, there were still challenges in adapting it to a choral format. “Freddie Mercury sang a lot of high falsetto, and I had to add a fifth line for countertenor, which we don’t usually do. And so much is built around Freddie, who had a tremendous voice.” McGuire says.

Even though Freddie Mercury became a gay icon, some members of the chorus were not familiar with Queen. “They all love it now,” says McGuire. “Some went out and bought all the Queen CDs.” McGuire first became aware of Queen when she was 10 and turned on the TV to be greeted by the video for “Bohemian Rhapsody.” “My jaw hit the floor. I said, ‘What is this?’ Opera is one of my great passions, and I think Queen had a lot to do with that.

“Queen stands the test of time. When bands were sticking to a three-minute formula, ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was five and a half minutes long, and they made a video to sell the song. No top-10 bands did that in 1975. Freddie was a real innovator–his influences were vast.”

The legacy of Freddie Mercury for the gay community makes the tribute a poignant one for the chorus. “The evolution that Queen went through is what some of the members of the chorus have gone through,” McGuire says. Mercury suffered through several painful years with AIDS, though he bravely continued to dedicate himself to his music–which the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus, who have lost over 200 members to AIDS in their 24-season history, can relate to all too well. It’s no small coincidence that April 7, the day of the preview concert, is World Health Day. Funds raised will benefit Face to Face/Sonoma County Aids Network.

The Gay Men’s Chorus plans to record a CD of the tribute, tentatively due in June, depending on when they get sponsorship. Following the preview concert, there will be two performances in San Francisco, both with full rock bands and expanded visual extras. Despite the flashiness, McGuire reassures that it’s not just a big glam show. “The music itself is what makes this.”

The San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus performs at Sonoma Country Day School’s Jackson Theater, April 7, 5pm. $20. 707.544.1581.

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘The Rookie’

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A big-league ‘life coach’ looks at dreams, disappointments, and ‘The Rookie’

Sally Walton is a big fan of dreams.

Not the kind of dreams we all have at night, tucked away in our beds while our eyes do that weird, rapid-movement thing beneath our deeply-sleeping lids. Walton–an internationally popular lecturer and author, also a sought-after “Life Coach”–is an aficionado of those other dreams, the kind that occur while we’re awake, the ones we hold in our guts and carry in our hearts and think about all the time–but frequently lose hold of when our lives take turns in other directions.

Such stuff is at the heart of the inspirational new Disney film The Rookie, and that pretty much sums up why Walton loved it. The film stars Dennis Quaid as Jim Morris, a real-life, 35-year-old science teacher who gave up his dream of pitching Major League baseball after hurting his arm in the minors. After impulsively making a deal with the high school baseball team he coached–he agreed to try out for a major ball club if they won the Championship–Morris’ dreams were improbably resurrected, and he ended up pitching for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, becoming the oldest Major League rookie in over 30 years.

“I don’t usually go to baseball movies,” admits Walton over dinner, shortly after catching an afternoon matinee of The Rookie. “But I am glad I saw it. It’s a remarkably moving film.” Walton (www.dancinggypsycoach.com) lives in Petaluma, has been known to race sled dogs across Minnesota in her spare time, and is the author of several books including I Almost Slept Through My Dream Come True: Strategies of Staying Awake (Book Partners, 1997) and the brand-new Steps on the Way. As a professional life coach–think of a personal trainer who helps buff up your soul–Walton counsels clients who, like Morris, need the shock of a well-aimed cattle prod in order to get out and reclaim some of those faltering hopes and dreams.

“Dreams come true little bit by little bit,” says Walton. “Sometimes it happens by accident. Jim Morris had given up on his dream until– by accident–these kids woke him up, and he found himself pursuing those dreams again.” While plenty of us abandon some dream or other, Walton observes that what makes Jim Morris unique is what he did after his big league dreams were all snuffed out.

Says Walton, “He didn’t just give up and say, ‘Okay. I’m done. Now I’m going to have kids, and teach science, and coach the school baseball team. Yes, he did all those things, but he also went out there, however many nights a week, and he pitched balls at that chain-link fence. He kept at it, even when on the surface–to anyone you might have asked, including him–it wasn’t going to go anywhere. It wasn’t like he was going to get something out of it. He wasn’t practicing to get into the majors, or even to get back into the minors. He was pitching because he loved to pitch.”

And because of that, when his opportunity did come along, he was ready for it.

“That’s how dreams happen,” she says, her face evolving into a radiant beam. “Suddenly, one day, your team says, ‘Hey, if we win, will you try out?’ and you’re already there, because you’ve been pitching against a fence every night for no reason. You’ve been working toward it all your life. Now the environment that you’ve created is setting you up to succeed.”

“So many people say, ‘Oh, it’s too late for me,'” Walton says. “And, yes, maybe some things are too late–and then the question is, ‘So what’s your next dream?’–but sometimes people just make excuses for themselves when they say that it’s too late. This movie–based on a true story–should give hope to anyone who thinks it’s too late for their dreams.

“I hope when people walk out of this movie they say, ‘That guy did it. So maybe it’s not too late for me.”

Web extra to the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Joey Ramone

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Joey Ramone

Ahead of the Pack

Joey Ramone keeps the rock alive

By Sara Bir

The casual Ramone fan tends to view the band as one Ramones-y mass, a monster with four identical sulking heads. Even though they shared the same assumed last name, the same torn-up blue jeans, the same black leather jackets, and haircuts that were not the same but equally awful, the Ramones, like the Beatles, had distinct and individual personalities grouped together under a collective mission and aesthetic. Joey was infamously left-wing; guitarist Johnny was infamously right-wing; bassist Dee Dee was infamously insane. What they shared was a dynamic scrappiness, the stuff of true punk.

It is Joey’s extraterrestrial praying-mantis physique and nasal Queens accent that most people latch on to and identify with the hoodlum image. Lyrically and musically, though, Joey was always the most sentimental Ramone. He adored boppy pop music and three-minute teenage love symphonies as much as the gritty rock and roll and metal that worked its way onto Ramones albums. Joey-penned songs became increasingly upbeat and radio-slick: “She’s a Sensation,” off 1981’s super-bubblegummy Pleasant Dreams, can easily hold its own against a bona fide Jeff Barry/Ellie Greenwich-penned oldie.

With Don’t Worry about Me, Joey’s long-awaited posthumous solo album, this love of classic pop rock shapes almost all of the 11 tracks. Not a carbon copy of a Ramones record, it sounds like a record the Ramones would put out if all of them were Joey. Spirited, accessible, catchy, and ultimately uplifting, it glows with the indomitable drive and surly positivity that was Joey Ramone. From the rock and roll-injected cover of “What a Wonderful World” the album rolls right into the best track, “Stop Thinking about It.” Punctuated with Phil Spectoresque piano jolts and Joey’s inimitable oh yeahs in spades, this is the song that should be the elusive big hit Joey always yearned for.

Proving it is possible to create a chorus that simply repeats a CNBC news anchor’s name, “Maria Bartiromo” finds Joey giving us his most offbeat–and dangerous–love song; one listen and you are destined to spend the rest of the day bellowing “Maria Bartiromo! Maria Bartiromo!” to the ponderous glares of random passers-by.

“I Got Knocked Down (But I’ll Get Up)” sees Joey, discouraged but determined, facing the lymphoma that recently took him from us: “Sitting in a hospital bed / I want my life / It really sucks.” Classic Ramones tradition saw the boys battling all that is crummy–typically, a soggy hamburger or late ’70s radio or Tipper Gore–only this time, in a sadly ironic twist, it is Joey’s own painful terminal illness.

My own favorite Ramone has always been the enigmatic Dee Dee, whose lyrics had a dark, brooding depth; even so, I would not buy any of his solo albums–Dee Dee is scary to the core. Scary on the outside but cradling a heart of gold inside, Joey was the proletarian Ramone, always happy to bask in his hard-earned fame, devoting himself to making sure the world would not have to brave the 21st century without honest rock and roll.

Happily, Don’t Worry about Me contains only good songs and several excellent ones; Joey has skirted the dreaded “Oh, the Ramones are broken up and Joey’s dead, which is too bad, but his solo album really stinks.” Vibrant with positive energy, handclaps, sing-along choruses, and hummable singles, the bittersweet release of Joey’s solo album is good enough to be the swan song for pop music’s definitive ugly duckling.

From the April 4-10, 2002 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Home Improvements

Shoddy Chic A step-by-step guide on how to out crate Crate & Barrel By Sara Bir Alas, we cannot all reside in the house of our dreams--but we can personalize the humble home we occupy already. Decorating trends have shifted to emphasize realism, with a comfortably lived-in look that still maintains a sense...
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Annapurna

Nepalese Auld Lang Syne Annapurna means more than good eats By Maria Wood In the West, the New Year is traditionally celebrated by staying up very late and getting stinking drunk. But for the Nepalese New Year, which falls this year on Sunday, April 14, people "get up early in...
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‘E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial’

E. Tease Curator responds to the revisionist tinkerings of Steven Spielberg Writer David Templeton takes interesting people to interesting movies in his ongoing quest for the ultimate postfilm conversation. Mickey McGowan is pissed off. "I am. I'm pissed off," he admits, his voice rising ever so...
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North Bay Music Clubs

Caught in the Act Adventures in club land By Greg Cahill Is it too early to celebrate? For the first time in three years, the North Bay has an honest-to-God club scene--featuring a wide range of local and touring acts--that looks like it might sustain itself at least through the summer....
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Reel Chocolate

Message For You: What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Happiness. Chocolate Heaven A trio of chocolatiers join Willy Wonka for a wild confectionary extravaganza Willy Wonka must be salivating with envy. That legendary, literary candy maker--the star of two popular children's books by Roald Dahl, made...
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Judo

Gently Kicking Ass The gentlemanly sport gets a new recruit By M. V. Wood In Japanese, the word "judo" means "gentle way." Brute force is shunned. Instead, it's a sport where strength merges with grace, a gentleman's game emphasizing character and honor. So it didn't help the reputation of Graton's Lance...
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Ellen DeGeneres

Kind and DeGeneres Ellen takes the show on the road By Davina Baum Some people think that cow tipping is pretty damn funny. Others might get all giggled up from a bumper sticker that says "I Break for Lunch" or a poster of a kitten hanging from a branch with a...
Read more

San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus

Regal Rock San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus queens pay homage to Queen By Sara Bir Tomatoes and basil, Sauternes and foie gras, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers . . . and now, finally, the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus and Queen. Yes, that Queen, the anthematic, operatic '70s rock monsters whose...
Read more

‘The Rookie’

A big-league 'life coach' looks at dreams, disappointments, and 'The Rookie' Sally Walton is a big fan of dreams. Not the kind of dreams we all have at night, tucked away in our beds while our eyes do that weird, rapid-movement thing beneath our deeply-sleeping lids. Walton--an internationally popular lecturer and...
Read more

Joey Ramone

Ahead of the Pack Joey Ramone keeps the rock alive By Sara Bir The casual Ramone fan tends to view the band as one Ramones-y mass, a monster with four identical sulking heads. Even though they shared the same assumed last name, the same torn-up blue jeans, the same black leather...
Read more
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