‘Police Brutality’

‘Police Brutality’ offers troubling take on law enforcement

By Patrick Sullivan

LONG AFTER we have all forgotten the significance of a hanging chad or the name of O.J.’s lead attorney, one media story from the last 10 years will live on. The nightmare scene, captured by an amateur cameraman in 1991, was unforgettable: Rodney King’s body at the center of a whirlwind of violence as Los Angeles police officers dealt out a crippling barrage of punches, kicks, and baton strikes.

The televised images were searing enough. But what truly confirmed their durability, what ensured the iconic status of King’s name into the next millennium, was the string of similar incidents that followed.

And they came with a thumping, horrific regularity that rose to a crescendo: Abner Louima held down and sodomized with a broomstick by cops in a Brooklyn police station. Amadou Diallo dying in a hail of 41 police bullets after reaching for his wallet. An LAPD officer coming clean about the violence and corruption in the Rampart station’s gang-fighting unit.

Racism and law enforcement have a long and ugly relationship in this country, as is made clear by the contributors to Police Brutality (Norton & Co.; $24.95), a new collection of original essays on the subject by writers ranging from academics to a former black police officer to a former Black Panther.

But as these essays also make clear, the last 10 years brought the issue into sharper focus than at any time since the ’60s. The results? Massive controversy in New York and Los Angeles, federal oversight of mandated reforms at the LAPD, and increasing scrutiny of such law enforcement activities as racial profiling in traffic stops.

But does white America understand the extent of the problem, even now? Not by a long shot, according to these writers. “Most Whites believe that Louima and Diallo are exceptions–good Blacks,” writes Jill Nelson, the anthology’s editor, “and that there is in the police department no systemic problem, just a few rotten apples who need to be thrown out.”

But many minorities, says Nelson, have a lifetime of personal experience that leads them to the opposite conclusion. It’s this gap in perception that is the primary focus of Police Brutality.

Historian Robin D. G. Kelley and law professor Derrik Bell both trace the origins of police presence in minority communities back to the era of slavery.

Retired NYPD Lt. Arthur Doyle details his experiences during 29 years on the force. Criminologist Katheryn K. Russell provides a bleak examination of the political and legal dynamic that shuts down debate during brutality controversies.

In one of the book’s most compelling pieces, Columbia University law professor and Nation columnist Patricia Williams offers a beautifully crafted dissection of the cult of racial appearance. Her “Obstacle Illusions” compares the fearsome stereotypes about young black men with the incredible blindness at work prior to the massacre at Columbine High School: “Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris seem to have been shrouded in presumptions of innocence–even after professing their love for Hitler, declaring their hatred for Blacks, Asians, and Latinos (on a public Web site no less), downloading instructions for making bombs.”

But most of the writers featured in Police Brutality also have personal stories to tell, accounts of humiliating, terrifying encounters with racism and brutality wearing a badge.

Some white people will find these stories hard to believe. Others will relate to them better than some of the authors might imagine. But no one–black or white–will finish this book with an untroubled mind.

From the November 30-December 6, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Lesbian Film Festival

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Yuletide cheer: ‘Home for Christmas’ screens at the Lesbian Film Festival.

Women’s Work

Short and sweet at Lesbian Film Festival

By Bill English

SURE, it might be called the Lesbian Film Festival, but the producer of the event wants to emphasize that you don’t actually have to be gay to attend or enjoy the films on offer. “While the audience might be 95 percent gay or lesbian, we don’t discriminate against straight people,” Jodi Selene says.

“And we certainly don’t ask people about [their orientation] when they walk in,” she adds with a laugh.

This year’s festival, held Dec. 2 at the Rialto Lakeside Cinemas in Santa Rosa, features five shorts, all dealing with lesbian characters.

Before the event changed venues (it was held last year at the Raven Theater in Healdsburg), gay and lesbian films were usually shown together. But this year, Selene–who previews 40 to 50 films every year to make her selections–says she had trouble finding men’s films strong enough to make the cut.

“I’m looking for well-done and interesting films that have something to do with the gay lifestyle,” Selene explains. “I did screen a number of men’s short films this year and just didn’t find any that were really good. This is the first time I’ve found fewer men’s films of quality than women’s films.”

Selene decided to move to the more centrally located Rialto because the theater–which “was very open to having a lesbian film festival”–already has a gay audience for its own male showcase, called Face To Face.

She says the increasing mainstream nature of gay films, and the increase in gay film festivals in general, has had little impact on her Sonoma County event. Also, because of budget concerns, she is limited to what she can afford to rent.

“My festival is not affected much by what’s being done in the City,” Selene says, “because I don’t do full-length features–I only screen shorts.”

Snailfingers (video) and Switch (video), by Canadian filmmakers Alina Martiros and Hope Thompson, respectively, have the longest running time at just over 20 minutes. Life’s a Butch (video) by Rosser Goodman of California lasts 15 minutes, while Home for Christmas (35mm) by Frank Mosvold and Lullaby (video) by Antonia Kao get it done in just over five minutes. Mosvold, a native of Norway, is the only gay male director to be included in this year’s festival.

While all the films have lesbian themes, the story lines range from gay coming-of-age tales to ’40s-style gangster flicks. Over the previous six years the Sonoma County Gay and Lesbian Film Festival has screened many great films coming out of the UCLA film school. This year the tradition continues with the beautiful feminist creation story Lullaby.

The Sonoma County Lesbian Film Festival was first held in 1995 and immediately found an audience. In 1996 it was expanded to include gay men’s films–but reverted to its original format in 1997 when Selene went back to grad school at SSU. There she found herself producing the event on a limited budget.

“Sonoma County has a large population of gays and lesbians,” she says. “It’s important for us to see people and relationships we can relate to on the screen. This has always been a fun event to put on. I like the fact that it brings the community together for an evening of entertainment.”

The Lesbian Film Festival hits the screen on Saturday, Dec. 2, at 7:30 p.m. at the Rialto Cinemas Lakeside, 551 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa. Tickets are $7. For details, call 530/272-1106 or 707/525-4840.

From the November 30-December 6, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

The Wide-Eyed Gourmet

Fluent in Food

By Marina Wolf

I WAS PUTTING together a menu the other day, trying to decide which preparation of roast pork loin would be best, when it hit me, as cold and blunt as a marble rolling pin: I am not a fluent cook, and may never be. Yes, I can follow just about any recipe, and most of my friends are glad to eat at my house. But I’m just not a native speaker of food. It will always be a second language, and an imperfectly learned one at that.

Like many people’s, my first cooking “sentence” was simple, like “can opener” + “pan” + “one can of water” + “heat.” Later came such semantic subtleties as “medium-low heat” or “milk instead of water” or “stir with wooden spoon, not metal, to avoid scraping the nonstick coating.” Some people never progress further than this, or they regress to microwave dinners, whose instructions are paradoxically the crudest, most rudimentary food phrases possible: “heat” + “eat.” It’s the equivalent of “Where is the bathroom?” or some other essential but inelegant phrase.

Others people pick up a bigger vocabulary and move into longer conversations, dinner parties and homemade spaghetti sauce, banana bread, and maybe even some fancy deep-fried dish. For us, food magazines offer a sort of abbreviated course, the Berlitz school of cooking. Just as learners of second languages have flash cards and videotapes, so do we speakers of food have brightly illustrated recipe cards and Saturday morning cooking shows.

We can put on a coherent culinary event. But it is an effort, and it’s also usually a closed system, where the parameters are clearly defined. The depth of our knowledge is revealed in our response to sudden changes in those parameters. What if there is no pork loin available, only ham? I stutter, I skim the cookbooks, and my apparent ease vanishes. It’s like trying to buy boots in a foreign language, without knowing that in this language there are six distinct words for boots. You might eventually get the boots you want, but it’ll take longer and your reliance on the little pocket dictionary will peg you instantly as a non-native speaker.

So what makes one a fluent speaker of food? It’s the ability to improvise, to respond to the unique parameters of an interaction. And that, I suspect, is picked up in much the same way that people pick up languages: through constant exposure at a relatively young age, or through an intense immersion program in college (otherwise known as cooking school). One way requires merely a family interest in food, the other a commitment to starting over from the alphabet, relearning how to hold a knife and peel potatoes.

Like a second language, cooking skills fade when not used. During my time in Russia, I found myself both conversing and cooking with ease. But the skills never really took root. My understanding of the language has lapsed into passive knowledge (I could eavesdrop, but wouldn’t be able to gracefully recover if somebody caught me at it). And nine years later, I can only vaguely recall dishes we ate and how I made them.

Even in English, my food abilities tend to be more passive than active. I can taste a dish at a restaurant and really appreciate it, but I would have a hard time explaining why it works, and an even harder time producing it myself. And did I mention that I have a really hard time choosing between five kinds of roast pork?

Sigh. If only my parents had cooked around me more.

From the November 30-December 6, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘Pay It Forward’

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A famed psychologist and Gifted Persons Advocate analyzes the new film ‘Pay It Forward’

“The inner world of the gifted person is always filled with balancing acts and turmoil,” explains Dr. Mary-Elaine Jacobsen. “It’s sad but true.”

She stops. Waits a moment. Thinks it through. Continues.

“It’s very risky business to be a creator of ideas,” she says, “because the first thing that happens to a fresh idea in our society–especially an idea that has any integrity to it–is that it gets slapped around like a bad baby. What kills so many brilliant ideas is all the ‘wet blanketing’ that begins to hit it the moment it sees the light of day.

“Bright people,” she adds, “have to constantly get themselves up, dust themselves off, and recreate, from scratch, their own courage and convictions.

“I know,” she adds. “I’ve done it my whole life.”

Dr. Jacobsen is the founder of OmegaPoint Resources, a consultation service dedicated to “advanced human development.” A psychologist with a private practice in St. Paul, Minnesota, she’s also the author of the best-selling guide book Liberating Everyday Genius: A Revolutionary Guide to Identifying and Mastering Your Exceptional Gifts (1999, Ballantine).

To be released this month in paperback, under the title The Gifted Adult, Jacobsen’s eye-opening tome is an attempt to liberate the millions of frustrated, unsatisfied individuals she believes are latently gifted–secret geniuses whose exceptional gifts are unknown even to themselves.

One example of such an ‘everyday genius’ is young Trevor McKinney, the 12-year-old latchkey kid played by Haley Joel Osment in the controversial film Pay It Forward.

The movie–directed by Mimi Leder (Deep Impact) and also starring Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt–tells what happens when Trevor’s social studies class is instructed to think of a way to change the world. The teacher (Spacey) is himself something of a wonder, a deeply introspective man who hides behind a mask of serious burn scars.

What Trevor devises is a plan with unexpected consequences: he will a good deed for three different people and make them promise, not to pay the favor back, but to pay it forward to three other people, each of whom must help three others, and so on.

Though critics have dumped unprecedented amounts of scorn on the film, attacking its heavy-handed manipulation of the audience’s emotions, the film does maintain a remarkable balance between optimism and pessimism.

Trevor’s scheme, while clearly having some positive impact on the world, ultimately brings as much derision and skepticism–and outright fury–as it does success and satisfaction.

This illustrates one of Jacobsen’s main points, among the chief reasons she chose to become an advocate for the gifted: some everyday geniuses, though they live in a world that supposedly prizes innovation, can end up paying a terrible price for their gift.

“It does extract quite a price for many people,” Jacobsen agrees, “but that doesn’t necessarily mean that their lives are lives of misery. That’s not the case. But it can be very painful for bright young kids to notice what’s going on in the society around them, and to see that everybody else just kind of take it for granted and accepts it.

“I’ll give you an example from my own life, when I was very little. I remember the time I came across some old World War II movie on TV. I’d never seen anything like it before. I remember running out to the kitchen and saying to my mother, ‘There’s war! There’s war!’ It was my first conception that there was such a thing, and I was beside myself. ‘There’s war! We have to do something about it. What can we do?’

“And my mother was very kind. She didn’t blow me off or laugh, but she was clearly not as upset about war as I was. Next thing I know she was saying, ‘It’s time for dinner.” And I said, ‘Dinner? We can’t have dinner. There’s war!’

“When Helen Hunt’s character [Trevor’s struggling alcoholic mother] comes storming into the classroom, she says, ‘You can’t give an assignment like that to a kid like this! He’ll believe it. He’ll do it. He’ll try to change the world and expect the world to change.’ That’s very true for gifted kids. They will go to the heart of the matter and will take it into a depth of understanding that the adults around them can’t know or appreciate.”

Jacobsen pauses again. She waits. Then she laughs.

“It’s really remarkable how well this film relates to my book,” she says. “If the gifted people in this story had read my book, they might not have been so hard on each other–and on themselves.”

So Trevor really is the ultimate gifted child?

“He is,” Jacobsen says. “The only thing I’d like to see, in some movie sometime in the future, is a gifted kid who’s big, strong, athletic and popular. They’re always shown in the movies as little, picked on, marginalized nerds, but they can be anyone.”

And do they always tend to be so . . . um, sensitive?

“Most of them are,” Jacobsen replies. “Moral outrage starts early. We have this whole clunk of gifted kids out there who are naturally designed to be extra sensitive to the goodness and badness of the world. These are the little monitors of the playground, theses are the little champions of justice in the nursery school, people who are constantly upset by injustice and unfairness. Unfairness takes gifted kids apart.”

According to Jacobsen, the Pay it Forward idea–with its emphasis on cause and effect–is exactly the kind of plan a gifted kid would think of.

“A gifted person realizes that everything they do, and also what they don’t do, will cause a ripple effect,” she says. “Every action, every thought, is like throwing a pebble in the pond, and it leaves a wake, either a wake of constructiveness or a wake of destruction. That’s true for every one of us.”

One more pause. One last chuckle. And a final remark.

“It’s a huge responsibility, you know, to be gifted,” says Dr. Jacobsen “It’s a blessing and a curse, but it’s a responsibility. Because the more you’ve got, the more you’ve got to do.”

From the November 30-December 6, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Stock Option Woes

Blue Notes

From rags to rags: Stock option woes

By Marjorie Kelly

AM I THE ONLY ONE who’s grown weary of the endless trumpeting about the glory of stock options? Everyone’s getting rich, the headlines blare. The stock market is “democratizing,” pundits announce with fanfare. Yes, corporations may be intent on serving shareholders, we’re told, but because employees are shareholders too, they’re sharing in the gains, thanks to stock options. Pardon me if I stuff a sock in the trumpet.

I would offer for the reader’s consideration a simple scenario: Let’s say your colleagues are laid off, your benefits have been cut, your pension has been reduced, your hours have steadily increased, and you’ve been handed a couple of hundred dollars’ worth of stock options: Are you “sharing in the gains”?

Now, granted, a handful of employees are indeed becoming millionaires. But the reason they make the headlines is because they’re news. Which is to say, they’re a rare event, something along the lines of “First Woman in Congress.” Remember when those stories were everywhere in the 1970s? It was because, in 99 out of 100 cases, congressional seats were not going to women, but men. The same can be said today of stock market wealth. The lion’s share is going not to employees, but to the wealthy, and to the hand-picked few being invited into the aristocracy: CEOs.

A 1999 Federal Reserve survey found stock options were extended to nonmanagement employees (i.e., small fry) by only 7 percent of companies. This hardly constitutes a world- shattering redistribution of wealth. Top managers, by contrast, got 279 times the number of options awarded to other employees, according to a 1998 Financial Markets Center survey. And these lavish management options actually reduced the money available to pay nonmanagers, by an estimated $500 per employee, according to the FMC.

Despite the impression the media might give, stock options are not “making everyone rich,” but are in fact concentrated in the technology sector, to an overwhelming extent. A 2000 study by UBS Warburg economist Joseph Carson found that, in adding up the entire net-gain value of all outstanding S&P company options at June 30, 2000, nearly 60 percent was in technology firms. And nearly a third of the total net-gain value was at just six firms: Microsoft, Cisco, Yahoo!, America Online, Sun Microsystems, and Broadcom.

The notion that employees are getting rich from stock options is a figment of the media’s imagination.

Even the few employees who do get stock or options aren’t all that lucky, compared to the really lucky folks: the wealthy. As an illustration, imagine an exceptional employee, Tom, who at XYZ Corp. makes $70,000 a year and owns $35,000 of his company’s stock. If his stock returns, say, 10 percent a year, he gets $3,500 as a shareholder. But he makes 20 times that as an employee, so less than 5 percent of his income is as a stockholder, while 95 percent is an employee. He is 20 times more an employee than he is a stockholder.

If the company holds down wages or cuts benefits and pensions to drive up its share price, he can lose far more than he gains.

THE REAL winners in this scenario are the 1 percent wealthiest families, most of whom do not work, who reap a major windfall from our friend’s labors. If XYZ Corp. has a $1 billion market cap, Tom’s $35,000 in stock represents an infinitesimal fraction of the company’s value. The 1 percent wealthiest families own about half of all stock, so they own hypothetically half of XYZ stock. When its $1 billion value goes up 10 percent, they gain $50 million, while our friend gains $3,500. On whose behalf is he really working?

Still, I must admit employee stock options are a step in the right direction. In granting to employees a right to pocket the increase in stock’s value, option companies implicitly recognize that employees have a right to wealth they help create.

Options are a foot in the door of an emerging free-market truth: that wealth belongs to those who create it.

Or perhaps I should say they’re a big toe in the door, and that door should open much wider.

Options are a good move, but a small one. Employees still must buy the stock, when many lack the wherewithal to do so, since the corporation’s overall aim is to hold wages down. As a result, 90 percent of all employees “flip” stock options (exercising the options but selling the stock immediately), according to a study by Westward Pay Strategies. Stock options thus discourage long-term employee ownership.

There are more direct, long-term ways for employees to share in the wealth they create, like profit sharing, Employee Stock Ownership Plans, or other forms of real employee ownership. Robert Beyster, founder and CEO of SAIC–and a major proponent of employee ownership, said it best: “Those who contribute to the company should own it.” Employees are making enormous contributions to companies today, and they should have an ownership stake equally as enormous. Stock options may be a step in that direction. But what we need is a leap.

From the November 30-December 6, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Chinook

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Photograph by Rory MacNamara

Eclectic Eats

Chinook blows hot and cold in San Rafael

By Paula Harris

CURIOUSLY, the most insistent memory we’ll take with us when we leave Chinook Restaurant in downtown San Rafael may not be of the food or the decor, but of the waitress. She manages to be hardworking and very jolly–in a grim sort of way.

As if operating on autopilot, this bustling lady enthusiastically admonishes us to “Enjoy!” whatever she places before us on the white linen cloth. A candle, a plate of food, a glass of water, hell, even the menu. “What does she expect us to do?” we wonder. “Lick the print?”

We duly dub her Stepford Server. Not that it’s entirely her fault, mind you–to be fair, she seems to be hustling tremendously to keep up with the flow and pace of the demanding diners. Even on a surprisingly quiet Friday evening on Fourth Street, this place is keeping a steady pace.

One might imagine that a restaurant called Chinook would feature Pacific Northwest specialties, but chef Sunita Dutt instead offers a real eclectic mix of global cuisines, from beef carpaccio ($8) and Fiji style “bouillabaisse” ($19.50) to chilled oysters ($1.25 each) and tandoori chicken ($15).

Chinook is, according to Stepford, named for the moist warm wind that blows from the sea in the coastal regions of the Pacific Northwest.

The restaurant is a cozy and bright oasis in the midst of a gray autumn main street, with an inviting full bar at the entrance. The tables are aglow with tea lights (but no salt and pepper receptacles), lively splashes of colorful art and tapestries embellish the soft salmon-hued walls, there’s a snazzy artsy blue, purple and yellow carpet, and a spiral staircase graces one corner.

We quickly scarf down a basket of yummy home-baked artichoke loaf and cumin corn bread with the appetizers. The fried calamari with lemon-basil sauce ($8) is a hit. It’s a huge plateful of light, fresh-tasting (and not at all rubbery) little golden rings. Our one gripe is the sauce, which is a bit overly tart and tastes of pickle.

On this cold evening, we also enjoy the five-lentil soup ($5). It’s nourishing and luxuriously thick with whole lentils and flecked with aromatic cilantro leaves. Very satisfying, although it would be improved with a tad less lemon juice.

A child at a nearby table is asking for chicken noodle soup. “No!” barks Stepford with a dazzling smile. “Just lentil or butternut squash.” The kid falls silent.

Our favorite appetizer is the wild mushroom and chestnut flan ($9), served warm, with the silken texture of a smooth paté. It’s rich and lovely with a slight sweet earthiness that pairs well with the accompanying red onion-strewn green salad in a light vinaigrette.

The night’s special, grilled swordfish ($18), is thick and delicious–perfectly cooked. It comes with good roasted root vegetables and a potato galette that has a light texture and is not creamy-rich but is unfortunately overly seasoned tarragon.

For vegetarians, there’s a satisfying risotto ($20), enriched with porcini, black trumpet, and chanterelle mushrooms. It’s lovely, although we heard some diners questioning the $20 price tag. Stepford is not amused. She reels off the ingredients list from memory and moves on to the next table.

The “Rafael Theater Triple-Feature Special” hamburger ($10.50)–named for the stylish and recently renovated deco-era cinema a few doors down–is a sure and safe bet. Made with Niman Ranch hormone-free beef, the burger is a juicy taste treat, resting on an herbed roll. The other parts of the “triple-feature” are a marinated grilled portobello mushroom cap and a rasher of applewood-smoked bacon. A heap of thin and pretty good garlic fries complete the dish, which would indeed make decent dinner and movie-date fare for the theater crowd.

The highly touted house special, apple pie ($6.50), is a huge disappointment. The crust has a mushy texture that looks as if the dessert has been heated and reheated several times, and it tastes stale. The filling is ho-hum. It’s served with a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream, which is the best part.

But triangles of Austrian chocolate torte ($6.50), served with accompanying drizzles of raspberry coulis and white chocolate sauce, is a rich and fudgy delight. Our dining companion pronounces it to be “divine.” In addition to the fairly extensive wine list, dessert wines, ports, cognacs, and liqueurs are available by the glass.

Eventually it’s time for Stepford to bring us the check. “Enjoy!” she verily sings, plonking it on the table with a slight glare. We guess we already did.

Chinook Address: 1130 Fourth St., San Rafael; 415/457-0566 Hours: Lunch and dinner, Monday-Saturday Food: Global cuisine Service: Highly capable, if not personable Ambiance: Relaxing, chic, and global Price: Moderate to expensive Wine list: Good selection Overall: 2 1/2 stars (out of 4)

From the November 30-December 6, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘The Grinch’

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Tickle Me, Dr. Elmo

‘Grandma’ singer dazzled by ‘The Grinch’

Writer David Templeton takes interesting people to interesting movies in his ongoing quest for the ultimate post-film conversation. This is not a film review; rather, it’s a freewheeling, tangential discussion life, ideas, and popular culture.

“WELL,” remarks a dazzled Dr. Elmo Shropshire, as Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas, starring Jim Carrey as the Christmas-hating Grinch, comes crashing and hyperventilating to a close. “All I can say is, we sure didn’t have things like that when I was growing up.”

Sure we did. Only we called ’em roller coasters. Or freak shows. But I know what my appreciative guest is talking about. This new Grinch is full-tilt, state-of-the-art eye candy. Colorful and visually rich, it’s a wild and woolly wonder of art direction. Though occasionally reaching a bit too low for its laughs, the extravaganza is so relentlessly energetic that it nearly leaps off the screen and into the laps of its startled audience.

As the credits roll, Elmo remains glued to his seat, gazing reverently up at the screen. As the names of the film’s many makeup artists begin to scroll by–and there is a small army of them–my guest remarks, “I knew there’d be a lot of makeup people. The makeup was amazing. Every character in the film was done up. It must have taken those people hours every day.”

At least. In addition to the famous green-fur-and-wrinkles look worn by Carrey in the film, the entire population of Whoville sports scrunchy little pig-noses and big, protruding front teeth. Hmmm.

But aren’t those piggy people a distinct departure from the cherubic little Whos drawn by Dr. Seuss in the classic children’s book on which this film is based?

“I liked it,” says Elmo. “It really added to the whole ambiance to see all those people with those weird, strange faces, dancing around the Christmas tree.”

Of course, Dr. Elmo has a well-documented fondness for weird things at the holidays. A bestselling folksinger who until recently worked full-time as a veterinarian, the good doctor, who makes his home in Novato, is best known as the man who brought us “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”

A song so sick it actually elicited public protest marches when it first came out 21 years ago–the Grey Panthers thought it was ageist–the satirical tune about an unfortunate Christmas Eve hit-and-run has sold over 5 million copies and become the most requested Christmas song of all time.

That’s not sick, that’s funny.

Since recording the song–which was written by Dallas tunesmith Randy Brooks–Elmo has become inextricably linked to Christmas, much the way Elvira is now cemented onto Halloween.

Last year he gave 180 radio interviews between Thanksgiving and Christmas. That’s in addition to a brutal touring schedule that kept him hopping throughout the holidays. This year the schedule will be even tougher as Elmo promotes a new CD, Up Your Chimney (Laughing Stock), which features a new song by Brooks–the slightly racy “Goin’ on a Date with Santa” and includes such Yuletide oddities as “Uncle Johnny’s Glass Eye” and “Texas Chainsaw Christmas.”

There’s also a brand-new animated video version of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” and a hot-selling reindeer toy that shimmies and sings the Grandma song.

Though Grandma is, as Elmo puts it, “the one that pays the rent,” he has had a few other hits. “Grandma’s Killer Fruitcake” was a modest success in 1994–yes, there will be a singing fruitcake toy, due out next year–and “Kenneth Starr Is Coming to Town” (co-authored with Mill Valley’s Rita Abrams) won him further acclaim around this time last year.

“I’ve never been so busy in my life,” says Elmo, perched on a stool in the downstairs studio of his bucolic house in the Marin hills. “Of course, everyone is busier now. Christmas is so stressful for people, it’s no wonder our Christmas movies and songs have become so much more intense. That’s one of the messages of the movie: that Christmas is supposed to be about something other than running around shopping for presents.”

As he talks, a handful of deer (not reindeer; just the usual Bambi type) are meandering on the grass just outside the window, sanding an arm’s length away are Elmo’s numerous guitars. Just over his shoulder, hanging on the wall, is his gold record for Grandma. A stack of CDs rests on his desk.

“You know, The Grinch did have that ‘noncommercial’ message,” Elmos points out, “which is kinda ironic, because they obviously spent multi-millions on that production, clearly in hopes that they’ll make multimillions, all by delivering a message about the importance of not commercializing Christmas.”

On the other hand:

“I think everybody likes to dream of a noncommercial Christmas,” he muses, “but for those people who make a lot of their money at Christmas, and that includes myself, obviously, we kinda depend on the overly commercial parts of Christmas. It’s a funny position to be in.”

The phone rings. It’s a DJ from Tampa, Fla., leaving a message asking for a CD and an interview with Elmo. Strangely, though, I can swear the song he mentions is “Grandma Got Recounted by a Reindeer.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Elmo. “We wrote and recorded it yesterday, as a parody of the elections in Florida. It’s not the best thing I’ve ever done, but it is timely, and people tend to forgive you if it’s timely.”

One has to wonder, with so much going on every December, does Dr. Elmo ever get a chance to relax and enjoy the holidays, have a cup of eggnog, kick back with his family?

“It’s a good question,” he replies, with a laugh. “To tell you the truth, after last year, when I put in 20-hour days for five weeks straight, I’m almost afraid of Christmas now. I only hope my strength holds up.”

There’s no chance of Dr. Elmo turning into a Grinch, though.

“No way,” he says. ” Christmas has been too good to me for that.”

From the November 23-29, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Newsgrinder

Important events as reported by daily newspapers and summarized by Daedalus Howell.

Tuesday 11.14.00

With apologies to Kermit the Frog, it’s not easy being (a putting) green for neighbors of Kentfield’s Ann Morrissey. Her motion to review the legality of a backyard 600-square-foot synthetic green near her home was rejected by the Marin County Board of Supervisors, reports the Marin Independent Journal. “Most people would say, ‘A putting green? So what?’ ” said Morrissey. Indeed the chorus resounds–so what? “But they are not using it as a putting green. They are using it as a chipping green and whacking the ball,” she laments. “This is not trivial–it is about safety for my son.” It’s unclear how many points golfers score if one actually pegs the kid, but area putters agree that a moving target increases the par considerably. The feud came to a head at a recent meeting of the Kentfield Planning Advisory Board where, according to meeting’s minutes, the neighbor picked up a sack of balls that Morrissey had brought as a visual aid. Morrissey then tried to grab the guy’s balls, but he wrestled his sack away from her. When onlookers protested, he let Morrissey get her hands on his ball sack, sputtered some dirty words, and left. No word if the ball-grabbing later inspired the golfer to use his wood. The case was cited in an 87-page report by the Marin County Civil grand jury (the report can be delivered to your mailbox in a plain brown wrapper).

Wednesday 11.15.00

Petaluma’s ArgusCourier.com reports that the Petaluma Police arrested Billy Messimer, clothier manager of the Petaluma Ross discount store and criminal mastermind, for allegedly embezzling $468 by giving himself credit for returned items he never purchased. The action handily earns the department the coveted moniker “Fashion Police.” The company’s district loss-prevention manager (read: tattletale) had taken the Petaluma man into custody for the crime, but let the Fashion Police take credit for it, garnering a rocket boost in their public opinion ratings, which brings them to an even zero.

Saturday 11.18.00

Anti-smoking crusaders can exhale a collective sigh of relief–the world’s first Marlboro Man has gone up in a puff of crematory smoke, reports the Napa Valley Register. Seventy-year-old Stephen Butin joins Joe Camel and his Marlboro Man successor David McClean (who died of smoking-related illness in 1995) in that great black lung in the sky. A former rodeo rider born in Santa Rosa, Butin was recruited by famed ad man Jay Conrad Levinson in the mid-’50s because he was a “real cowboy.” Honey! The Marlboro Man concept, considered one of the most successful in advertising history, enticed millions of orally fixated macho men into the boys’ room, where they huffed, puffed. and sucked the tar out of (insert your favorite slang for “cigarette” here). Now they get their fix from an oxygen tube. Thank you, Marlboro Man.

Sunday 11.19.00

Buyers beware: The Rohnert Park fuzz are giving locals another legal reason to avoid teenage girls (used camcorder, anyone?) with their new decoy program that busts adults who purchase booze for hot teenage betties, reports the local daily. Administered by the Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control, the sting is jocularly referred to by the cops and young honeys as “Mister, Mistering” (which sounds like either a French skin flick or an ’80s Euro-pop band). In a new spin on the term “police siren,” the barely legal chicks hang around the entrances of liquor stores (what’s new?) flashing their doe eyes and courting buyers, who are summarily popped for contributing to the delinquency of minors. Twenty-four-year-old Joel Roberts learned the hard way that one can’t drain a keg with a wiretap when a six-pack intended for a beer-baiting tart landed him a misdemeanor citation. In a “this hurts me more than it hurts you” recap of Roberts’ bust, the teenage Santa Rosa Junior College police cadet said, “I feel so bad. I feel so bad. But it’s teaching him a lesson.” As they say, if you’re too young to do, teach.

Monday 11.20.00

Residents of a Petaluma neighborhood were allowed back into their homes after a nightlong standoff ended between police and 52-year-old Jay Haymaker, who they decided to believe was holding his roommate at gunpoint. Haymaker was actually alone. The suspect “surrendered” at 9:30 on Monday morning, when retrieving his morning newspaper, after officers from the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department’s SWAT team made an explosive sound as a diversionary tactic–then pointed fingers at each other crowing, “You smelt it, you dealt it.” Officers had tried to make contact with Haymaker throughout the night, using bullhorns because his phone number is apparently unlisted. They’d asked residents of about a dozen homes on West Payran Street and Rocca Drive to leave, ostensibly because of the danger of gunfire, but also so they wouldn’t see how their tax dollars were spent on a PD block party.

From the November 23-29, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Henry Miller

Miller Time

Recalling the genius of an American colossus

By Stephen Kessler

HARD to believe it’s been 20 years since Henry Miller left us. AT 88, Miller lived out the final days of his extraordinary life in a big colonial house in Pacific Palisades, an unlikely last stop for his odyssey.

He had started out on the streets of Brooklyn at the end of the 19th century, attempted unsuccessfully to “come of age” in New York City, escaped to the lower depths of subbohemian Paris, where he belatedly found his voice as a writer and wrote his first three monumental books, left Paris for Greece on the eve of World War II, returned to the States and traveled the country discovering why he’d fled in the first place, and eventually settled for several years like some kind of Chinese sage on a ridge above the Big Sur coast.

The rigors of living so far from civilization in his advancing years, combined with the royalties from international sales of his many books, conspired to take him to the L.A. suburb where, by now a self-made legend, he enjoyed the luxuries of commercial success and disappeared into the sunset.

In the early 1990s, scholars Mary Dearborn and Robert Ferguson published new biographies of Miller, novelist Erica Jong brought out a book-length personal appreciation, and Philip Kaufman’s film Henry & June, based on the journals of Anaïs Nin, temporarily reminded us of the writer’s special place in the century’s literary landscape.

But since then he’s pretty much vanished from the cultural radar.

This is especially ironic in light of the rise of the personal memoir as one of the most popular literary forms and the recent apotheosis of Jack Kerouac as the great American rebel automythographer.

It’s hard to imagine either Kerouac or the memoir emerging as major forces in U.S. publishing without the precedent of Miller’s free-form taboo-smashing example.

Miller’s first book, Tropic of Cancer, written in the author’s early 40s and published in Paris in 1934 (but banned in this country until 1961 on account of its alleged “obscenity”), begins with a prophetic epigraph from that most American of writers, Ralph Waldo Emerson: “These novels will give way, by and by, to diaries or autobiographies–captivating books, if only a man knew how to choose among what he calls his experiences that which is really his experience, and how to record truth truly.”

Miller, even now, maintains his scandalous reputation, known by most as a writer of “dirty books.”

But those who actually read his work in all its remarkable variousness may come to understand that, while he is a ribald and outrageous storyteller, he is also, like Emerson, a philosopher.

Tropic of Cancer is a shocking book not just for its frankly sexual and scatological aspects but for its fearless confrontation with a civilization collapsing in a spasm of spectacular decadence.

Just a few years before Hitler sends Europe into a cataclysmic war, Miller discerns, in the squalor of his immediate circle of degenerate friends and acquaintances, the symptoms of a more pervasive ailment, a moral cancer that he sets out to expose, sparing no one, least of all himself.

That he is able to tell this degraded tale in a prose that, for all its darkness, is nothing less than exuberant, is some kind of miracle.

Imagine Spengler’s The Decline of the West, Eliot’s The Waste Land, Sartre’s No Exit , and Dylan’s “Desolation Row” combined and retold by the mutant manic offspring of Mae West and Groucho Marx, and you have some idea of the apocalyptic energy of Miller’s breakthrough book.

Obscene, perhaps, but only as a frighteningly and hilariously honest depiction of a world that’s all too real.

In Tropic of Cancer, Miller attempts to hasten the razing of this corrupt world while at the same time eradicating his personal catastrophe, which includes up to then not only his abject failure to accomplish anything in 40 years of earthly existence but also his tormented erotic obsession–sometimes known as love–with the woman who was to be his lifelong muse and goad and inspiration, his second wife, June (aka Mona).

The impoverished, directionless, hopeless yet comical account Miller’s autobiographical narrator records could easily be considered nihilistic, but it’s Miller’s lyric genius, in the transcendental spirit of Emerson, to lift his sordid material from the depths of its own depravity into something resembling redemption.

Toward the end of this harrowing sustained exercise in creative rage, the author contemplates the crotch of a prostitute and launches into one of the most memorable riffs in literature, a 10-page diatribe against “a world tottering and crumbling, a world used up and polished like a leper’s skull,” a world that breeds, alongside the human race, “another race of beings, the inhuman ones, the race of artists who, goaded by unknown impulses, take the lifeless mass of humanity and by the fever and ferment with which they imbue it turn this soggy dough into bread and the bread into wine and the wine into song.”

Miller aligns himself with this race of artistic monsters and declares, in a paroxysm of exasperation that amounts to a manifesto, “A man who belongs to this race must stand up on a high place with gibberish in his mouth and rip out his entrails. . . . And anything that falls short of this frightening spectacle, anything less shuddering, less terrifying, less mad, less intoxicated, less contaminating, is not art.”

This is a high standard for any artist to set for himself, but Miller at his most possessed and most inspired meets it, in this and many of the later books.

From the portrayal of his lowdown immediate surroundings in Tropic of Cancer, Miller turns a backward glance on his young manhood in New York in the equally scandalous and even funnier Tropic of Capricorn, whose first 100 pages relate his years of employment with the Cosmodemonic Telegraph Co., one of the most engrossing portraits of corporate bureaucracy ever consigned to paper.

But Capricorn, as its goatish title suggests, is mostly about its horny narrator’s unquenchable thirst for sex and his simultaneous search for meaning in a world that seems no more nor less than maddeningly chaotic.

More coherent as a narrative than Cancer, despite its many digressions and lack of a conventional “plot,” Tropic of Capricorn is Miller’s portrait of the artist as a young man who can’t quite figure out how to be an artist.

Despite his anguish and confusion and pain and despair, the antiheroic protagonist’s story is once again told in such joyfully charged prose that it practically lifts you out of your seat as you read.

This guy may be hurting, but he’s alive in a way that you can only hope to be–not necessarily by indulging your every forbidden appetite but by paying such close attention to your difficulties and to the details of your oppressive environment that even your failures become something to celebrate and thereby turn into evidence of an undefeated existence.

In the third and final book of this initial trilogy, Black Spring, Miller abandons the novelistic pretense of telling any single story and instead creates a kind of collage of sketches, portraits, vignettes, essays, and poems-in-prose that once again combine to reveal the author in all his prodigious originality.

This is the book, if the uninitiated reader can suspend the desire for conventional narrative and surrender to the spell of Miller’s voice, that may be the best one-volume introduction to the author’s work, as it represents multiple aspects of his literary persona.

Perhaps the most marvelously disorienting section of Black Spring is “Into the Night Life . . . A Coney Island of the Mind,” a 30-page dreamlike prose fantasia whose wild inventiveness, richness of imagination, and gorgeous sentences are breathtaking.

Here is Miller cut loose beyond the stench of rotten circumstance and the arbitrary limits of “making sense” into a realm of ecstatic revelation, the writer as clown working the high wire without a net, performing for nothing so much as his own delight.

The joy with which this acrobatic prose is infused is dangerously contagious. I say dangerous because, attempted with less virtuosity, this kind of writing, liberating as it may feel, is likely to result in an utterly unreadable mess.

But why not, Miller might answer, make a mess? Life itself is a mess, and isn’t art obliged to be faithful to life? Miller was also an accomplished amateur watercolorist, a selection of whose pictures appeared after his death in a book appropriately titled Paint as You Like and Die Happy.

His writing–from the Tropics and Black Spring through the wonderful books of essays (The Air-conditioned Nightmare, Remember to Remember, Stand Still Like the Hummingbird, The Cosmological Eye, and others) and the great book on his stay in Greece, The Colossus of Maroussi, to the excruciating Rosy Crucifixion trilogy (Sexus, Plexus, and Nexus, the epic saga of his life with June)–is radical testimony to the artist’s freedom to ignore existing rules and do it however he or she feels moved to make a singular statement.

Not everyone can get away with such defiance of propriety. Even Miller, at his worst, can be tiresome and sloppy. And not everyone has the nerve or courage or madness or whatever it takes to risk colossal failure by taking such a path.

But his friend Lawrence Durrell, describing Miller as “one of those towering anomalies, like Melville or Whitman,” places him in his proper context among the giants of American literature, a source of consternation to some, consolation to others, and inspiration to those who would find a form and style of expression true to their own experience.

From the November 23-29, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Turkey How-To Guide

0

Turkey Triage

A how-to guide for holiday emergencies

By Marina Wolf

DURING this festive season, you might fantasize about a chat with the experts. It would be more of a confrontation than a conversation. Waving a half-cooked turkey and an impossible guest list in their faces, you’d ask, “OK, wise guys, what would you do?”

Well, here’s as close as you can get in print: a celebrity panel with a surprisingly down-to-earth attitude about holiday entertaining. Katie Brown, TV personality and author of Katie Brown Entertains (HarperCollins), stocks Diet Coke, mixed nuts, and Valium (hey, she made the joke, not me). Rick Rodgers, author of Thanksgiving 101 and Christmas 101 (Broadway Books) has been around the country and on TV teaching his holiday basics, but he has the same problems as everybody else, including parents who wouldn’t listen to his grilling advice (nothing larger that 14 pounds on the grill) and ended up lighting on fire a turkey the size of a Volkswagen bug. And Barbara Kafka, who recently released Roasting (HarperCollins), brings years of experience to the table, but still found herself temporarily flummoxed with the dinner party from hell, which included one guest who kept kosher, one who couldn’t eat anything with seeds, and one who was recovering from alcoholism.

So pull up a chair and let’s get a taste of how the pros might handle some common holiday emergencies.

Your significant other’s parents are meeting you for the first time, and you’re hosting the dinner. What do you prepare?

Rick Rodgers: Call your mother-in-law and say, “Mom, will you please give me your favorite recipe for stuffing? I don’t know what kind to make, and Jimmy loves your stuffing.” Even better, have her teach you how to make the stuffing. Make it the family thing it’s supposed to be.

Barbara Kafka: I think you have to know how good a cook you are. In other words, if you’re a good cook you might go ahead and be a little more ambitious. If you’re not such a good cook, do the safe thing. I wouldn’t be extravagant for the first time, either. I think that sets a bad tone, like gee, she’s going to bankrupt our son.

Katie Brown: First of all, don’t do anything out of the ordinary. This is not the time to show off your skills. This is the time to go with classics. If you want to pop in one thing extraordinary, make sure it’s a side dish and that it still has traditional components. I made turkey lasagna for my dad, and it didn’t work.

Dinner hour has arrived, everybody’s hungry, and you realize that you put the turkey in too late. It has at least two more hours to go. What do you do to keep everyone happy until then?

Kafka: I turn that oven up to 500 degrees. In about half to three-quarters of an hour, it’ll be ready. This isn’t a real disaster.

Rodgers: One solution is to cut the turkey in half through the rib cage–crosswise through the back–separating breast and wings from drumsticks and thighs(light from dark). Roast them separately and they’ll cook faster. Then just prop them together and decorate with parsley. Next year you’ll be joking about the time we had to cut the turkey in half.

Brown: I’ve been there, and it’s miserable. Sometimes you can substitute side dishes or make them last longer. Put your soup course out, put out salad as second course, go into third course with a vegetable plate, and then just serve turkey with stuffing. Do anything, add more courses, get naked, light yourself on fire. The key is to never admit defeat. Because then people start to lose faith.

It’s your turn to host the family dinner. What with other social obligations, you’ll have about three hours to get ready on the day of the dinner. How would you make this happen with as little stress as possible?

Rodgers: There are three ways of doing it. One is to be superorganized and start way ahead of time, with three shopping lists and a visit to the express lane the day before the dinner. Another way is to have a potluck. But they get out of control because people never bring what they say they’re going to bring. So I clip recipes, send them to the guests, and ask them to make two batches. Finally, this is what the gourmet departments are for. Buy everything you can from them, and concentrate just on the turkey and stuffing. People are so thrilled that they are invited to your house, they’re relaxed and eating dinner off of china, so they’re very slow to criticize.

Brown: First of all, I might order the turkey online or from the grocery store so that the only thing I had to worry about were side dishes. Keep it simple. For bread, I’d go right to the frozen food section and get Parker House rolls, put them out on a cookie sheet, slice them on the side, squirt in something like honey butter, pumpkin butter, and bake those. Buy premixed greens, toast some pecans, add dried cherries or cranberries, maybe even some orange slices and red onions, and store-bought ginger-soy dressing. Get pre-made pie crusts, canned pumpkin. I think you can do it all in three hours.

Kafka: It only takes 45 minutes to make a boned and rolled loin of pork or leg of lamb. Takes about the same time to make the potatoes, if you cut them in half. And anyway, remember that even if you want to make the turkey, by the time your guests sit and eat, if you give them enough first courses, you’ll have enough time to get that turkey done. We tend to forget that these things take time to get done. Guests don’t have to eat the instant they walk in.

It’s Christmas day–or pick your major holiday–the cocktail hour before dinner. One of your guests shows up at the door with four strangers in tow. “I found out at the last minute that they were alone,” says your friend. “I didn’t think you’d mind.” How would you handle the situation?

Kafka: First of all, I’d try to be gracious, hard though that may seem. I would want to be a lady about it. Rather than trying to stretch the food you have, you should just add something, a simple pasta or soup course. Again, you want to do things that are easy, because by this time it’s late. Courses like this you can make in great quantity. Remember to sharpen your knife so you can slice the meat thinly. And then you can tell your friend afterwards, if she does it again, you’ll kill her.

Brown: I always cook more than I should. I always plan for extra people. At least you’ll have leftovers and you can make people to-go packets. If you didn’t make enough, you can throw two or three more dishes together. Cut up some extra potatoes and roast them to go with the mashed potatoes. You can even heat up frozen vegetables, mix in some herbs, and melt some cheese over the top.

Rodgers: The smart cook is going to prepare for the worst-case scenario and make extra, because people get ruder and ruder every year. I had a friend ask once, the night before, if he could bring a friend. Two hours later he called back to tell me he’s allergic to cheese and garlic. Oh, well! They’ll get more green beans.

Triage Tips Five things for the emergency kit

A good roasting pan, an expensive one that’ll last forever. “They absorb heat to make great drippings, and they don’t fold in half like aluminum.” [Rodgers]

A plate of cookies and a bowl of mixed nuts. “When people come into the kitchen while you’re working, you don’t want them picking at you or your food.” [Brown]

Smoked salmon “Everyone seems to like smoked salmon, especially if it’s the good stuff.” [Kafka]

Whatever drink keeps you going, to keep you grounded during a crisis. “I have Diet Coke; my mom drinks iced tea.” [Brown]

Thermometers, both oven and instant-read meat types. “No one’s oven is exactly what the dial says.” [Rodgers]

Shake it Up How to make the perfect martini

This recipe requires extra time for preparation but is well worth the effort. It serves two.

First, you’ll need

Stainless steel cocktail shaker Martini glasses–the larger the better Shot glass Gin–preferably Tanqueray Vermouth–preferably Martini & Rossi Extra Dry Fresh lemon Quality cocktail olives

The day before:

Prepare fresh ice using bottled or distilled water.

Place ingredients in refrigerator; place glasses and shaker in freezer.

Strain olives; then bathe them overnight in vermouth.

Now you’re ready

Coat the rim of each chilled glass with a lemon wedge.

Into your shaker add: 10 ice cubes, four gin shots, 1/4 shot vermouth.

Shake 40 times.

Strain into glasses, alternating between each.

Place one vermouth-drenched olive into each glass.

Optional:

Add a splash of cranberry juice or crème de menthe for holiday color. For one of the most exhaustive martini recipe sites on the Internet, check out The Martini List. And remember that perfection is a subjective experience, so feel free to experiment.

Then you might want to bid on a new liver on eBay.

From the November 23-29, 2000 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

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