Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

Feb. 22, 2001 “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” c/o Lipton 800 Sylvian Ave., Englewood Cliffs, NJ 07632

Dear ICBINB,

Sophisticated in their understanding of culture, politics, and literature, my friends–and you can dust this for sarcasm–are a bastion of profundity. They had little difficulty plowing through the teary-eyed haze of nostalgia surrounding The Phantom Menace and dismissing it for the travesty it was. They subscribed to Details magazine when it was under homosexual editorship and canceled months before it became the midwife to Maxim and Stuff. However, on one particular topic, their critical faculties have lapsed. My friends willingly believe that your product “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” is not butter. “It’s just margarine, Kenneth, get over it already.”

But I can’t get over it. While my cohorts may choose to believe they are not getting butter for margarine, I would like it known that I, Kenneth H. Cleaver, do not, will not, and cannot believe that your product “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” is not “good” butter. Perhaps it is not organic butter. Perhaps it is not churned colonial style in a gnarly wooden tub by shawl-clad indentured servants. But my internal radar, honed for detecting all kinds of consumer chicanery, issues forth strong blips in the general direction of Englewood Cliffs., N.J. I challenge you to prove me wrong and promise my confidentiality should you prove me right.

Sincerely, Kenneth H. Cleaver

Mr. Kenneth H. Cleaver P.O.B. 810 Bedford, N.Y. 10506

Dear Mr. Cleaver:

It was thoughtful of you to let us hear your comments about “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!” For many years, our company has been making every effort to provide customers with superior products to meet their individual needs and preferences. Comments such as yours are certainly gratifying–and most welcome.

As a token of our appreciation, I am enclosing a coupon for your use. If we can be of use in the future, please contact us.

Sincerely,

Lee Hunter Consumer Representative

From the March 29-April 4, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Recreation

Best Recreation

Kickin’ Back


From Sausalito, over excellent, park-like boulevards, through the splendid redwoods and homes of Mill Valley, across the blossomed hills of Marin County, along the knoll-studded picturesque marshes, past San Rafael resting warmly among her hills, over the divide and up the Petaluma Valley, and on to the grassy feet of Sonoma Mountain and home. We covered fifty-five miles that day. Not so bad, eh, for Prince the Rogue, the paint-removing Outlaw, the thin-shanked thoroughbred, and the rabbit-jumper?

–from ‘Four Horses and a Sailor’ by Jack London



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Hourlong Boot-Camp Nightmare

I had never dreamed that my first aerobics instructor would be a 200-pound, 6-foot-tall bodybuilder who’d been competing for years, and had been named Mr. Arizona. “I’m not into the bodybuilding aspect of fitness anymore,” quips L.P., top trainer at Gold’s Gym in Santa Rosa. “I’m really more interested in the health and nutrition aspect of it now.” L.P. is, indeed, a paragon of health, and if anyone has the mental and physical strength to stick with his class, surprising results will be inevitable. The class, an hourlong session on Tuesday and Thursday, fills to maximum capacity fast, so be sure to get there early for a good step-spot. When one hears the word aerobics, the immediate picture that comes to mind is a Barbie doll in butt-floss jumping all over the floor. (Well, that’s the immediate picture that comes to my mind.) L.P.’s class is nothing of the sort. He combines kickboxing, cross-training, weight lifting, and a little bit of dancing the twist in the high, high-impact aerobics class. “Chizzled” attendees are a hardcore group, and the class will make you sweat like nothing else (except maybe Bikram’s Yoga!).

515 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 707/545-5100. –E.L.


Best Place to Soak Up Night Sweats

Calistoga Spa Hot Springs, a resort/motel off Calistoga’s main street, opens its four outdoor naturally heated mineral pools and steam room to the public each day between 7 and 9 p.m.–and at a bargain price. For seven bucks, you can float, steam, and soak to your heart’s content. Part of the thrill is that you’re in the open air, under the moon, stars, clouds, mist, or fragrant smoke wafting over from the barbecue joint nearby. Alternate between the outdoor mineral pools of varying stress-melting temperatures, the dark and aromatic steam room, and the bracingly cool swimming pool. The large, palm-tree-lined soaking pool, which retains a mellow 100 degrees, is the perfect temperature and perfect depth. This is where you could spend an entire lifetime– punch-drunk and prune-limbed. The spa is open to the public between 8:30 a.m. and 9 p.m. on Mondays-Fridays at $10 per person, and on Saturdays-Sundays at $15. There are $7 bargain rates between 7 and 9 p.m. daily on a first-come, first-served basis.

1006 Washington St., Calistoga. 707/942-6269. –P.H.


Best Finale to a Grueling Hike

Sonoma County hikers have plenty of tough trails to choose from. But surely the Pool Ridge Trail in Armstrong Redwoods State Reserve is among the more challenging. It doesn’t lead straight up the steep hill, but it’s damn close. After several miles of high-grade roadwork among the redwoods, even the fairly fit are often gasping for breath and ready for refreshment–so it’s a good thing there’s a nice reward in store. At the top, like a dream, is an extremely fruitful grapefruit tree. Hikers pick a piece, peel it with their hands, bite into the bittersweet fruit–and promptly forget all about that burning sensation in their legs. At least until it’s time to head downhill.

Armstrong Redwoods State Reserve, north of Guerneville on Armstrong Woods Road off Highway 116. 707/869-2015. –P.S.


Best Place to Really Get Bitten by a Snake

OK, so I’ve never been bit by a snake there, but Mt. Tamalpais’ Cougar Trail in Marin County is one of the loveliest backpacking spots in California. Some of my first memories of this place come from high school and weekend backpacking trips with my best friend and one of her three older brothers. With backpacks stuffed with a weekend’s worth of Clif bars, bread, and mustard packets, we’d tear madly down a mountain and through a ravine in search of a quicker and more scenic route. The routes we took never were quicker, and we often faced actual death, clinging onto the side of a cliff, hundreds of feet above the sea, or racing the tide two miles along a beach cove, hoping we’d beat it and not be drowned against the rocks. And while I have never forgotten the worst case of poison oak I’ve ever had (I was hospitalized for it), I also recall the sheer beauty of the tree-covered cliffs with the ocean crashing up against them. –E.L.


Best Place to Work Out Aggression while Swinging a Stick

Life is tense–there’s no denying. And there are plenty of ways to work off stress: Jogging, dancing, swimming, sex (not necessarily in that order). Or you could go and swing a hickory stick at a speeding baseball. The Redwood Baseball Institute offers nine regular batting cages–from slow-pitch soft ball to fast-pitch baseball–and a couple of instructional cages that for $35 an hour allow wannabe sluggers to work with an experienced instructor and work out those kinks. But be forewarned: If the sound of a cracking bat (or several cracking bats) and screaming kids stress you out, you might want to take up knitting instead.

917 Piner Road, Santa Rosa. 707/284-2880. –G.C.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to Sweat and Groan and Pass Out

In the yoga Olympics in India, Bikram kept winning year after year. Finally, the judges made Bikram a judge, too, so that other yogis could have a chance at the gold. Then they went to study why it was Bikram had won, year after year. The judges found that where Bikram came from was over 100 degrees hot, all the time. This meant that Bikram was stronger and more flexible than the other yogis from practicing in the heat. After Bikram got tired of judging the yoga Olympics, he moved to Beverly Hills to teach his yoga to the stars. Over the next 10 years, Bikram’s Yoga has moved northward (as trends seem to do), and Santa Rosa now has two studios where students can practice the 26 postures in heat ranging from 100 to 105 degrees. Torturous as this may sound, it is the most rewarding form of yoga that I’ve ever practiced. The heat makes the body wonderfully flexible, and the 26 postures are designed to be practiced in an order to stimulate the internal organs to release toxins through the copious amounts of sweat being produced. (Bring at least two bath towels; you will need them.) The best part of the class is afterwards, going out on the balcony and watching your body steam in the cool air.

4527 Montgomery Drive, Santa Rosa. 707/539-8118. –E.L.


Best Place to Savor the Heart of Saturday Night

From the outside looking in, it’s been noted, motor racing looks like so many rednecks doing the same thing, round and round, in overpowered machines steeped in a megacorporate, yahoo culture of beer, cigarettes, and machismo. And there’s certainly some truth to that view. But at the Petaluma Speedway, regular folks–men and women–stage a grassroots version of that world. All summer long, after a long winter spent rebuilding their midget racers and stock cars in the garage, these competitors hit the raceway–the poor cousin to Sears Point Raceway’s NASCAR extravaganza outside of neighboring Sonoma. But whereas NASCAR is revved up in media hype and fueled by cash, these low-key Saturday night rumbles are all about grease, guts, and glory. This blue-collar Mecca–at the Sonoma-Marin Fairgrounds–draws scores of fans week after week, all of whom sip their brews in the stands amid the incredible racket created by speeding demons driving in tight circles around the oil-stained dirt track. Bliss.

Petaluma Speedway, Payran and D Street, Petaluma. For schedule and admission info, call 707/778-3100. –G.C.

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Staff Picks






From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Maintained by .


Newsgrinder

Important events as reported by daily newspapers and summarized by Daedalus Howell.

Thursday 02.08.01

Petaluma’s ArgusCourier.com reports that a man and a women were caught in their convertible Camaro (danger sign) in possession of methamphetamine, drug paraphernalia, a loaded handgun, brass knuckles, assorted knives, walkie-talkies, a police scanner, Valium and Vicodin, false vehicle registration, and a suspended license. Had the culprits additionally been underaged, under the influence, and engaged in a sex act, and if there had been a dead hooker discovered in the trunk, the cops believe they might have had a case.

Sunday 02.11.01

Would-be folk balladeer Jim Stone has penned the protest ditty “The Cell Phone Song,” a five-minute diatribe against the popular telecommunications technology. Almost true to folkie form, Stone wrote the song on a bus and later recorded it in a Texas hotel room when on the road (er, for his gig as an architect). Stone’s lyrics describe various acts of violence he would like to inflict upon a cell phone: “I’d like to take a 3/8-inch drill and ventilate its plastic case, or stick it in the oven on high and melt its plastic case.” (Someone get this guy a rhyming dictionary.) “It’s all done in jest. It was a just a way to vent some emotions and have a laugh,” said the Singing Draftsman, who, according to some, put the square in T-square. “I have three daughters and they all think I’m behind the times.” Hey Jim, how ’bout a B-side about Palm Pilots?

Monday 02.12.01

The dry run of the evil Dr. Karl D’ring’s new Weather Manipulator 5000 turned out quite wet for Marinites this week. The Marin Independent Journal reports that a cold storm dumped a blanket of snow on Mt. Tam, which became a veritable winter wonderland for some county residents. Still, one is compelled to ask, why does it seem as if we’re entering another Ice Age in the midst of global warming? “Mother Earth is going through menopause,” D’ring avers. “Hot and cold, hot and cold.” The inclement weather will continue, according to National Weather Service forecaster Jim Carroll: “Showers will taper off in the afternoon hours. By Thursday it will be mostly clear, still chilly at night, but warmer during the day.” Like my ex.

Monday 02.12.01

Humboldt County pot farmers are watching their margins go up in smoke owing to the energy crisis, reports the Napa Valley Register. Many growers use 1,000-watt light bulbs to coax their plants into flowering–each bulb costs about $50 a month to run 18 hours a day, according to American Hydroponics, which sells the bulbs to “tomato and lettuce growers.” Says Napa Sheriff’s Deputy Randy Garcia, “Power is probably the biggest single cost for these guys. The more power they use, the better the quality of the product.” He, uh, guesses.

From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Culture

Best Culture

Feelin’ It


Music from her breast vibrating/ Soundseared into burnished velvet./
Silent hips deceiving fools./ Rivulets of trickling ecstacy/
From the alabaster pools of Jazz.

–from “Jazz Chick” by Bob Kaufman



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to See More Art than You Can Possibly Imagine

Want to be brought up to speed on what’s been happening in the Bay Area art scene for the last 40 years? The impressive di Rosa Preserve in the Carneros region near Napa has over 1,900 works by 650 artists displayed in 25,000 square feet of gallery space. The former winery houses the collection of René (depicted above) and the late Veronica di Rosa and includes the work of such well-known Northern California artists as Chester Arnold, Roy DeForest, Robert Arneson, William T. Wiley, and David Best. The 81-year-old René di Rosa has long been seen as a champion of Bay Area art, and his support has aided the careers of numerous emerging painters, sculptors, and photographers. The preserve is open to the public on a limited basis. Tours of both the gardens and the galleries are conducted on select days, and advanced reservations are required. Regular tours are 9:25 a.m. and 12:55 p.m., Tuesday through Fridays; and 9:25 and 10:25 a.m. on Saturdays. Cost is $10.

5200 Hwy. 121, Napa (across from Domaine Carneros). 707/226-5991 –B.E.


Best Place to Channel Clint Eastwood

Clint Eastwood has a fondness for North Bay roadhouses. The celebrated movie star once shot scenes for one of his films at Joe’s Crossroads in Novato–a glorious little dive bar nestled on the outskirts of town (the sign read Joe’s XX, or Joe’s Double-X, as we used to call it). It was demolished long ago to make room for a cutesy office park. The place had black-and-white photos of Clint and longtime co-star Sandra Locke on the wall. But as anyone who suffered through the 1999 film True Crime knows, the wrecking ball can’t stop a he-man like Clint Eastwood–Marin County might have gone and gotten all cutesy (though there are still some great dive bars around), but Sonoma County is loaded with roadside joints loaded with character. Specifically, the Washoe House in Petaluma, a onetime stagecoach stop built in 1859. Ten-year-old Cadillacs in the parking lot. Dollar bills dangling from the ceiling. Ranch hands at the bar. The Washoe House is a real blue-collar slice of life. Yeah, suffer a little and rent the True Crime video to catch Clint as a hard-drinkin’ (and, I mean, drinkin’ at his desk!) crime reporter who sidles up to the dark oak bar of this rustic restaurant for a stiff jolt before running off to save the day. But be prepared to suspend your disbelief: the joint is supposed to be on the outskirts of Oakland. Or just stop by for a steak and Stoli. Tell ’em Clint sent ya.

Stoney Point and Roblar Roads, Petaluma. 707/795-4544 –G.C


Best Place to Grill Big-Name Authors

Any good reader has them–those burning questions we long to put to our favorite big-name authors. We could sit around waiting for National Public Radio to ring up and ask us to fill in for Terri Gross on her interview program Fresh Air. But, despite our qualifications, Congress will probably yank NPR’s funding before that happens. For a more realistic alternative, head over to the Literary Arts Series at the Marin Center. There you’ll find some of the biggest names in contemporary literature–folks like Michael Ondaatje, Russell Banks, and Seamus Heaney–sitting on stage, engaged in unusually candid conversation with knowledgeable hosts. Best of all: the evenings conclude by offering audience members a chance to pose questions of their own to the authors. How else would you learn that Ondaatje (author of The English Patient) really, really admires the recent film adaptation of American Psycho? The series continues on April 6 with an appearance by storyteller Bailey White.

Marin Center, Avenue of the Flags, San Rafael. 415/472-3500. –P.S.


Best Surly Local Celebrity

Before the Whole Foods invasion, I was a cashier at Food for Thought in Sebastopol. The highlight of my week was when Tom Waits came in to shop. He usually wore the porkpie hat and filthy denim jacket that seem to be his trademark. He and his wife would shop for hours, filling up their grocery cart so high that it began to resemble the leaning tower of Pisa. Tom Waits would wander dreamily up and down the aisles, taking things off the shelves apparently at random and scrutinizing a package for a good 10 to 15 minutes. Sometimes he would take the thing over to his wife, if she was in the vicinity, and they would look at it together for another long while. The thing, whatever it was, would usually get placed upon the mounting tower of groceries already in their cart. Having been a fan since I was 7 years old (and having often heard of Tom Waits sightings at Jabba the Hut in Freestone or Copperfield’s Books in Santa Rosa), I would watch and wait, hoping that Waits would come through my line. He never did. Not surprising, considering that he’s a celebrity who despises recognition. One day, after I had been staring as hard as I could, he whipped his head around after writing a check for 16 bags of groceries and leveled his gaze at me, staring as directly as I’d been doing for the last few hours. I flushed with shame, realizing how rude I’d been, and tried not to stare at Tom Waits anymore when he came in. Although he never did come through my line, once he came running back into the store, straight up to me. “Can I have a freezer bag?” he rasped, grabbing one. I didn’t have time to think of a clever response before he was gone, throwing a “thanks” over his shoulder. I suppose his ice cream was melting. –E.L.


Best Place to Enjoy Free Music and the Great Outdoors

The joy of connection is the answer. The question is: Why would 75 professional musicians be willing to play without getting paid? An all-volunteer orchestra is not the world’s easiest project to undertake, but in Cotati–the musical heart of Sonoma County–such a beast not only exists, but flourishes. “This is an opportunity for people to experience creating something,” says Gabriel Sakakeeny, conductor of and inspiration for the Cotati Philharmonic Orchestra. “As artists, we don’t have that many opportunities to do what we do. So why aren’t we just giving it away?” If that sounds idealistic, it’s nothing compared to the sound of the orchestra itself. Since its first free concert two years ago, CPO has been drawing packed houses and rave reviews for the polished passion of its musical selections. “It’s not like this is a great way to make money,” says Sakakeeny. “Most of us in the orchestra have day jobs. But there’s something special that comes from volunteering. The pressure is off, and you’re just doing it out of love.”

Cotati Philharmonic (), 201 W. Sierra Ave., Cotati. 707/792-4600, ext. 664. –Y.B.


Best Place to Pour on the Art

When wealthy Swiss entrepreneur and winery founder Donald Hess decided to blend his two passions, art and vino, under one elegant roof, he hit upon an intoxicating idea. Napa’s Hess Collection Winery boasts more than wine; it also houses a permanent exhibition of contemporary art, which Art in America magazine calls one of the top 200 collections in the world. Hess’ personal collection consists of about 140 pieces on two main floors of gallery space, including works by such internationally acclaimed artists as Francis Bacon, Robert Motherwell, Frank Stella, Magdalena Abakanowicz, and Gerhard Richter. The gallery is spacious, airy, and minimalist, with a soaring entryway. It’s all crisp white walls and ceilings, subdued lighting, and huge stretches of bleached oak floor, as polished and expansive as an ice rink. The Hess Collection Winery is open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. daily for winetasting (minimal charge) and free self-guided art tours. No appointment is necessary to view the art.

4411 Redwood Road, off Hwy. 29, Napa. 707/255-1144. –P.H.


Best Place to Check Your Opera Chops

Care to step up and unleash an aria? At Saturday Night Opera at the Jarvis Conservatory in Napa both amateur and professional opera singers get up before an open microphone on an unadorned stage and sing their hearts out. The action happens at the whim of the piano player Richard Evans or one of the many other accompanists who participate. “Think of it as a piano bar for opera singers,” Evans tells the audience. For the last four years opera singers and fans have come to this small jewel of a theater to celebrate their favorite musical form. Most performances are sold out and feature 15 singers per evening. Singers are selected before the performance and then randomly called to the stage by the piano player adding excitement and drama. Some of the singers are great, and rarely is someone truly bad. Unlike stand-up comics, who all think they’re funny, most aspiring opera singers tend to undervalue their talents. Saturday Night Opera is held on the first and third Saturdays of the month. The cost for the audience is $15.

1711 Main St., Napa. 707/255-5445. –B.E.


Best Place to Discover Regional Writers Both Famous and Not-So-Famous

Jack London was the first writer to make a million bucks for his literary efforts, but the North Bay has been the home to many famous and not-so-famous authors over the years. Now the Jean and Charles Schulz Information Center, on the campus of Sonoma State University, has gathered together a collection of writers from London to sainted food writer M.F.K. Fisher and given them a space of honor. The newly opened $41.5 million center contains 600,000 books, but it’s the acquisition of a nearly $500,000 collection of autographed and inscribed works by London donated by a Minnesota collector that really makes this regional writer’s collection such a standout. It includes rare first editions of nearly all of London’s titles, along with signed letters and original magazine articles. The center has also collected the works of many other notable Sonoma County scribes and will offer tutorial services for fledgling writers in the student body. A special writers’ room is in development and will provide a quiet place where the works of these regional writers can be read and appreciated.

1801 E. Cotati Ave., Rohnert Park. 707/664-2161. –B.E.


Best Mom-and-Pop Baseball Franchise in the North Bay

OK, it’s the only mom-and-pop baseball franchise in the North Bay. Bob and Susan Fletcher are now familiar faces on the North Bay baseball scene. After six full seasons of Western Baseball League action at the Rohnert Park Stadium, the Fletchers have had more than their share of home runs and bad hops. They won WBL Championships in 1998, had ex-major leaguers on their rosters as players and managers, and have seen many of their league competitors perish on the harsh yoke of small business realities. But the Crushers have survived and even thrived because of their close link to the community. Susan Fletcher is actively involved in finding host families for the Crushers players during the season. Players make around $1,000 a month, and most can’t afford the high rents in Sonoma County. “The host families have been great,” Susan says. “But it’s a real challenge to place the right player with the right family. And what do you say to a child when the Crusher in the guest bedroom gets traded?” The Crushers have signed Tim Ireland as their new manager for the 2001 season. Ireland has played in the major leagues and in Japan and Italy. With his extensive managerial career (1994 Minor League Baseball Manager of the Year), he’s sure to bring an exciting group of players on board. “Tim is a proven winner,” Bob Fletcher says. “He’s well connected in the baseball community, which is key to locating the best available players.”

Rohnert Park Stadium, 5900 Labath Ave., Rohnert Park. 707/588-8300. –B.E.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to Play Pinball with Skateboarders without Having to Pay for a Pizza

Sure, sure. The Phoenix Theatre may be the best all-ages music venue in Sonoma County, if not the entire Bay Area. It may be famous for having been the first one of the stages on which Green Day and Primus and Metallica ever played. It may also be haunted, but that’s another story. The real reason to go to the Phoenix is for what goes on when no bands are playing. A vital after-school hangout for North Bay teens (including Danielle Haywood, left, Jesse Figone, and Katrina Rossman), the lobby hosts a number of pinball machines that usually work pretty well and provide a benign focal point for kids’ attention, in between gossiping, skate-boarding in the auditorium, and trying to borrow change from manager Tom Jaffe. It’s no Chuck E. Cheese, and that’s a very good thing.

101 Washington St., Petaluma. 707/762-3565. –D.T.


Best Place to Get Bitten by a Snake while Listening to Indie-Rock Bands

“Bitten by a snake?” you exclaim. “But isn’t the Old Vic an English pub?” Indeed, it is. And one of the house specialties is a snakebite: a pint of Red Rocket ale and Ace apple cider, mixed. It’s quite delicious. Also recommended are black-and-tans and black velvets (Guinness and Bass, and Guinness and cider, respectively). But what’s really fine is the Old Vic’s music. It’s the only live-music venue left in downtown Santa Rosa, and one of the few in the county. If you’re searching for the place that has the highest concentration of hipsters per square foot, the Old Vic is it. Local bands like Cropduster and Army of Ants are regulars, and sometimes Sonoma County gets an out-of-town treat like Black Heart Procession, the supertalented indie-rock band out of San Diego (of all places for indie rock!). When dining there, be sure to ask the jovial and usually soused owner about Ma.

731 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 707/571-7555. –E.L.


Best Place to Wallow in the Mud

Want to have some good filthy fun? Does the idea of straddling a slippery pole and knocking your neighbor into a muddy bog hold a certain appeal? Then this midsummer event is not to be missed. The World Pillow Fighting Championship in Kenwood offers people from all over the world the opportunity to go to war over a riverbed of muddy slime. It all happens on the Fourth of July when the population of this small wine country village swells from 1,200 to over 12,000. Many contestants consider this event to be serious business and train for it. Some have competed in the mud fights for decades and come to win. But for most people it’s an occasion for drinking beer and wine, eating classic American food, and listening to some great music. The pillow fights are the centerpieces for an all-day celebration that includes a parade of classic cars and a 3K and a 10K run. Entrance to the pillow fights is $4.

Kenwood, on Hwy. 12 between Santa Rosa and Sonoma. 707/833-2440. –B.E.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place on the Street to Draw Attention to Your Art

How about hitting the streets with your artistic aspirations? On one weekend in early June, pastel artists from all over the world are set free to decorate select streets in downtown San Rafael. In 1994 Youth In Arts imported this Italian form of street art known as madonnari to the North Bay. More than 300 muralists cover around 30,000 square feet of blacktop with designs ranging from classic Renaissance images to Japanese animation. In addition, over 1,300 kids create a patchwork of color squares on what is called Children’s Avenue. The public is invited to roam the streets to watch the various masterpieces evolve. You can meet the artists and perhaps serve as an inspiration to their creation–one artist at the center of the event was including portraits of the crowd in his mural. When the festival is over, all the work is quickly washed away–but not before it’s admired and photographed by over 40,000 visitors. During the Italian Street Painting Festival artists work from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. on both Saturday and Sunday.

Fifth Avenue and A Street, San Rafael. 415/457-4878. –B.E.


Best Place to Have a Sunset Picnic and Be Run Over by Stray Dogs

At Marin County’s legendary Film Night in the Park, you can experience all of the above, plus great films and plenty more. Held every summer and fall, the long-running series features classic movies shown beneath the stars in a number of well-manicured Marin County parks. The schedule is posted online in late spring (at ) and alternates between serious stuff, like last year’s Tuskeegee Airmen, great family fare like Grease, and The Princess Bride, and, um, scary stuff like The Thing. Films are often preceded by short talks from local filmmakers and seasoned movie critics, and there’s always a cartoon or two. Admission is three bucks for adults and free for kids, who will love the adventure of it all, not to mention getting to stay up late. –D.T.


Best Unknown Dance Club

Situated inconspicuously next to the Sonoma Taco Shop (which, incidentally, has some of the best Mexican food around) on Third Street and Brookwood Avenue in Santa Rosa, Anthony’s Music Box keeps up a good front as a honky-tonk dive. The bouncers have mullets and Raiders jackets, and the jukebox just inside the front door features mostly Dwight Yoakam discs. Step inside on a Wednesday or Thursday night, however, and the music and crowd tell a different story. Every other Wednesday, Anthony’s hosts a score of talented DJs from Sonoma County, San Francisco, and beyond. The cover charge is cheap and so are the drinks. A fervent critic of the rave scene, I was skeptical until I walked inside and saw every single one of my friends there. After recovering from my rage that they’d been keeping their fun a secret for so long, I proceeded to get down and boogie. I have dubbed Thursdays at Anthony’s “booty night,” because that’s where the 20 to 30s in Santa Rosa come to try and get some. I’ve been once with a couple of girlfriends, and while I really enjoyed the music (a DJ playing Top 40 hip-hop), I haven’t been back because of the amount of times I was picked up with “Wassssuuuuuup, baby, do you have a boyfriend?” (five times).

53 Montgomery Drive, Santa Rosa. 707/575-9140. –E.L.


Best Place to Catch Up on Tchaikovsky under the Summer Sky

The second annual Festival on the Green–which in a few years will move into its stylish new state-of-the-art concert hall at the Donald and Maureen Green Music Center at Sonoma State University–promises to blend world-class performances with educational opportunities for people of all ages and backgrounds, and to become a major cultural arts festival. Very ambitious, indeed. And with Santa Rosa Symphony conductor and pianist Jeffrey Kahane, himself a world-class act, at the helm, that is a promise that you can bank on. The four-weekend-long event will feature the “Youth Festival Weekend” (July 27-29) that includes the Santa Rosa Symphony Summer Music Academy, Young Artists’ Chamber Ensembles, Santa Rosa Children’s Chorus, EXCEL music and drama classes, Summer Arts for Youth, Singabout! The Z Festival, and special guests; “Independence Day on the Green” (July 4), with Kahane conducting a swing-era patriotic program; “A Midsummer Night on the Green” (Aug. 11), highlighting the Santa Rosa Symphony in an all-Tchaikovsky program; and “Jazz on the Green” (Aug. 11), with a major guest artist yet to be announced.

SSU, 1801 E. Cotati Ave., Rohnert Park. 707/546-8742 or 415/931-3924. –G.C.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to Work on Your Tan While Grooving to the Blues

Remember when we gathered as a tribe to boogie to the sounds of our favorite bands? If you want to recapture that old Golden Gate Park music vibe from the ’60s, check out the Russian River Blues Festival in Guerneville. Last year blues singer Etta James got down with the Average White Band, Tommy Castro, and a number of other hot acts to rock the Russian River for an entire weekend of sun, swimming, and funky live entertainment. For the last five years, thousands of people have sat side by side in lawn chairs and on blankets as they grooved to the acts performing on the large stage on the beach. The festival includes winetasting from the likes of Kenwood, Davis Bynum, and Ravenswood wineries, plus a small city of tents overflowing with gourmet foods and local crafts. Be sure to bring blankets, swimsuits, sunscreen, and wide-brimmed hats. Leave the video cameras and audio recording equipment at home because neither is allowed. The festival runs on both Saturday and Sunday. Tickets are $45 for one day, $85 for a two-day pass.

Johnson’s Beach, Guerneville. 510/655-9471. –B.E.


Best Local Rabble Rouser

Lynn Hamilton, a former mayor of Sebastopol, settled in Occidental three years ago and became a driving force behind the movement to stop widespread vineyard conversions. Before that, she spent several years in South America working for Ashoka, the Washington, D.C.-based non-profit that promotes social change by funding creative people who have come up with new ways to help the poor and improve social systems in their countries. Now she is applying her expertise to the Town Hall Coalition, a loose-knit group of environmentally minded Sonoma County residents intent on battling big wine interests to preserve their quality of life. “Working for Ashoka and meeting social entrepreneurs from around the world has helped me be more effective,” Hamilton, 53, told reporter Sara Peyton. Seeing the Napa-based Phelps Vineyard preparing a golden Freestone hillside for grapes and hearing about widespread forest conversions–including a plan to clear-cut 4,000 acres of coastal land for the largest vineyard conversion of all–got Hamilton thinking. In 1999, she and her husband, Frank, celebrated their marriage with a party at their home. In lieu of gifts, they asked for donations to start a fund to protect watersheds and forests in Sonoma County. The money raised (about $1,500) helped underwrite the cost of the first town hall meeting. Now the coalition has inspired similar groups in Sonoma and Healdsburg, and a spin-off organization–the No Spray Movement–is gathering support throughout the North Bay in its bid to stop forced-spraying of pesticides to combat the glassy-winged sharpshooter, a tiny pest that the Sonoma County grape growers fear will infect vines with the shriveling Pierce’s disease. “The purpose of the Town Hall Coalition is to effect social change,” Hamilton explained. “We’re giving people information so they can come up with new proposals, write a letter, testify at a hearing, or reach out to a neighbor. This is not a protest movement–it’s a social change movement.” –G.C.


Best Artist to Find Rooting through Your Trash Can

He’s the best. In so many ways. David Best, the infamous Petaluma-based junk-artist/sculptor/raconteur is a modern master of assemblage art, capable of creating whimsical sculptures–from twisted-metal Christmas trees to television totem poles to some really trippy auto-body work–all out of scraps and bric-a-brac and broken stuff he might have found in your trash can. Not only is Best an inspiration to other artists, a living example of how you can do more with quite a bit less; not only is he a very happening dude, with an eccentric flair and a knack for tangential rummage sale conversation; David Best is also a nice guy, a tireless supporter of the arts, a mentor to aspiring junk artists–and musicians, for that matter–around the North Bay. Last year he came up with a doozy of a fundraiser for the struggling Phoenix Theatre: he built an eight-foot tall phoenix sculpture out of little cast-off pieces of wood. Painted fire-truck red, the big bird was put on public display at Petaluma’s closet-sized Live Art gallery, then auctioned off to the highest bidder. That’s when the story gets special, because the high bidder didn’t get to take the thing home. Instead, Best hosted a little dinner party for the winner and a few friends, at the Sonoma Mountain home Best shares with his wife. After dinner, in the flames of a ceremonial bon-fire, the phoenix sculpture was reduced to a pile of ashes, a testament to the ephemeral nature of art. That’s the Best art tale we’ve heard in a long, long time. –D.T.


Best Evidence We’re Living in the End Times

The End-of-the-World-As-We-Know-It may not have arrived during the whole Y2K computer fizzle, but the apocalypse is definitely coming, “not with a bang but a whimper.” Consider these depressing facts: Lexuses (or is that Lexi) are now the predominant automobile in the parking lot at the once-earthy and tie-dyed Marin Summer Music Festival. In a desperate attempt to garner a feeling of positive community good will, supporters of the questionably imprisoned Leonard Peltier have adopted a highway, resorting to picking up trash along 101. A seriously babbling man with a Let’s Make a Deal complex–he likes to shout about what’s “hidden behind three doors”–has taken to disrupting North Bay events, barging his way into everything from local Martin Luther King celebrations, to the annual conference of the Jesus Seminar, to Sunday services at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. Not only has the Petaluma Safeway unveiled a new indoor Starbucks store–to compete with the Deaf Dog just outside–but it’s installed little coffee cup holders in most of their grocery carts, to further encourage the purchase of Venti lattes. –D.T.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to Ogle Erotic Art

You may not know the difference between art and a dirty picture‚ but if you yearn for smoldering images, the annual Erotic Art Show at the Soundscape Gallery in Santa Rosa is not to be missed. Over the past six years, this event has gained a reputation for pushing the boundaries of artistic expression. Most of the year Soundscape offers high-end audio/video entertainment systems, but for two months in late summer the walls and floors are graced with carnal images. Over 20 artists in a variety of mediums contributed to last year’s event. Owner Marc Silver says he is proud of presenting real erotic art. “I want to do something that pushes the envelope. I put warning signs up, but innocent people still wander in.” The show features everything from Hustler-like photographs to erotic edibles. The viewer is left to determine what is art and what is pornography. The Erotic Art Show is held from late August through the end of October. Parental guidance is strongly recommended.

314 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. 707/578-4434. –B.E.


Best Reason to Love the Net

Rohnert Park’s ragtag PBS radio station KRCB (91.1-FM), in an attempt to take its public broadcasting efforts to a larger audience, has installed a new transponder–accessed at 90.9-FM–that makes it possible, for the first time, to hear the station in Petaluma. Unfortunately, what’s good for KRCB–an undeniably good-hearted and worthy resource for arts and news–is pretty damn bad for fans of quirky student-run radio. The new transponder has resulted in a complete local obliteration of the signal from the unique Berkeley-based indy station KALX (90.7-FM), among the oldest college radio stations in the country. Fortunately, owing to the dual miracles the Internet and streaming audio, we can now hear KALX on the Web at . –D.T.

Readers’ Poll Results






Staff Picks







From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Maintained by .


Best Everyday Stuff

Best Everyday Stuff

Wild Things


[Neal] listened with enthusiasm to my father’s stories of the local folkways, crops, and animals, and throughout our stay remained remarkably serene and agreeable, as pleased as the little girls with the horses, cattle, pigs, and lambs and the sight of tobacco growing. A cowboy he wasn’t, and I couldn’t get him on a horse, much to my surprise, but we took walks and played in the creek. I taught him to churn butter, and we toured the historic battlefields and ghost-filled mansions of the Old South as well as my former Nashville haunts.

–from ‘Off the Road’ by Carolyn Cassady



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Way to Catch a Whiff

Bohemian readers have voted Rosemary’s Garden best herbal apothecary in Sonoma County, and it’s easy to smell why. Owner Lena Shaboon’s old-fashioned term herbal apothecary conjures up all kinds of delicious aromas and healthful home remedies, and that’s just what this fragrant little store in Sebastopol has been offering since 1972. Many of the herbal products are grown in Sonoma County–and there’s a lot of choice, from essential massage oils to herbal teas to aromatherapy bath products. Popular products include teapots, aromatherapy diffusers, essential-oil gift packs, eye pillows, candles, and hydrosol mists. Visit their or pay an in-person visit and let your trusty nose be the judge.

132 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707/829-2539. –P.H.


Best Place to Find an ’83 Datsun Side Mirror

You can look up Pick ‘n’ Pull in the yellow pages, but you won’t find a phone number. This poor man’s auto-parts emporium, located just west of Hwy. 101 in Windsor, gets so much business from word of mouth that it doesn’t need to advertise. For a few bucks, you can walk through the gate onto a vast field of junked cars, parked in neat rows by the hundreds and separated by make. Amid the smashed windshields, twisted fenders, and soggy upholstery are struts, drums, belts, and mirrors that work as good as new, for a fraction of the price. This is one graveyard where it’s OK to disturb the deceased. Bring cash money and a tool kit, and don’t forget to wear your dirty clothes–you’ll need them.

Pick-N-Pull (), 10475 Old Redwood Hwy., Windsor. –Y.B.


Best Country Smell from the Freeway

Bucolic cows notwithstanding, the stretch of 101 between Novato and Petaluma is bleak and mean. It’s the Novato Narrows, the bottleneck in the road that seems designed for maximum irritation. But, hey, since you’ve already slowed down, you might as well smell the roses, or whatever else the breeze brings. Next time you’re heading north on a warm day, take a good whiff right as you pass the Atherton exit. I swear it smells like nutritional yeast on buttered popcorn. Turns out I’m not crazy. A ranger with the Marin County Open Space District reveals the source of the aroma: a sewage treatment pond that uses yeast to accelerate the decomposition process. The ranger says he does the same thing for his home septic tank and throws brewer’s yeast in from time to time, on the advice of his septic company. And it beats cowpie any day of the week. –M.W.


Best Reason to Get a Parking Ticket in Santa Rosa

Ouch! You’ve just spent two minutes too long in the downtown post office and returned to your car to discover an ominous blue envelope tucked under the windshield wiper. There goes that $20 you were going to spend on the new O-Town CD! But then, despite the financial pain, a little grin flits across your lips. Rolling smoothly and quietly away from the scene of the crime is the Santa Rosa parking enforcement officer who nailed you–driving a silver-colored, futuristic vehicle that seems like something straight out of Blade Runner. The city is leasing these nifty little electric vehicles (the eco-friendly Hyper Mini EV) through a Nissan pilot program to cut down on air and noise pollution. But maybe, just maybe, there’s also a PR motive at work. After all, how can you stay mad at someone driving such a cool little car? –P.S.


Best Place to Drag-Race the Cops

Do you have a teenager with a lead foot who’s racked up more speeding tickets than your insurance company cares to deal with? If so, Sears Point Raceway may have the solution to your problem. In an event called Top the Cop, the raceway’s quarter-mile drag strip is opened up every Wednesday night from April through November for a unique form of racing. For the fifth consecutive year, Sears Point offers teenagers a safe and legal place to race. But the main allure of this event is the competition the kids face. They go head to head with local cops in their patrol cars. The evening gives the police an opportunity to meet with teenagers and develop a positive relationship, while instructing them on safe driving. But nothing beats the thrill of gunning your Camaro and then blasting down the track with a cop in uniform trying to shut you down. According to the National Hot Rod Association, there are more than 70 law enforcement race-a-cop programs across the United States and Canada, but Sears Point offers the only one where the kids race uniformed officers in their squad cars. Top the Cop costs $17 for participants and $10 for spectators.

Hwys. 37 and 121, Sonoma. 800/870-RACE. –B.E.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place for an Elvis Sighting

Aah, star power! Village Music is a veritable treasure trove for music fans of all stripes, but especially those lovers of roots music, including jazz, blues, gospel, soul, R&B, Cajun/zydeco, and early rock and roll. Proprietor John Goddard has been packing his world-renowned CD/record store to the rafters for more than 30 years. And, indeed, it’s not uncommon to bump into Elvis Costello (who used to frequent the nearby Sweetwater Saloon), Tracy Chapman, Bonnie Raitt, Ry Cooder, or any one of a hundred other music celebs who cherish the sheer volume of material and the incredible depth of Goddard’s inventory. For a while, it looked as if Goddard may have had to dust the cobwebs off those ultra-rare Jimi Hendrix picture discs, since it appeared he’d be losing his lease during a byzantine business negotiation. (And wouldn’t that be one helluva sale!) But the good news is Goddard signed a new lease in February and plans to be around for a while, so there’s still time for that Elvis sighting.

9 E. Blithedale Ave., Mill Valley. 415/388-7400. –G.C.


Best Place to Cut a CD within Earshot of a Great Music Store

Want to cut that 20-minute version of “Angel Baby” you’ve been working on in the shower? Then check out Zone Recording in the back of Zone Music in Cotati. According to owner/engineer Blair Hardman, his recording studio is the only one in the world where you can literally choose from hundreds of guitars, amps, keyboards, and microphones before you start your session. Blair acts as producer and spiritual musical adviser. “A solo act can come in here and I’ll help them with all aspects of their arrangements. For a few hundred bucks you can have your song on a CD with a nice label.” Hardman recommends making advance reservations (“It’s great to dream‚ but make an appointment”). He also offers a free consultation before the actual session, which he encourages in order to save you time, money, and grief. “Recording at Zone means never having to say you’re sorry,” Hardman claims. Everything is digitally recorded on a computer. And if that’s not enough, all the salespeople at Zone Music are skilled studio musicians and can make for a killer backup band. Remember that Elvis was driving a truck when he wandered into Sun Records.

884 Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. 707/664-1221. –B.E.


Best Place to Buy a Betty Page Picture Disc while Clearing the Cobwebs out of Your Addled Brain

A lot of folks think of Petaluma as a sleepy cow town in which the denizens mope around all year long just dying for a chance to watch corn-fed farm boys working up a sweat at the annual World Wrist Wrestling Championships. But River City has its pockets of cosmopolitan living–you just have to know where to look. For example, Red Devil Records. This 3-year-old CD store has an eclectic inventory and some great collectors’ vinyl. It’s also a mecca for local fans of Betty Page, the ’50s pinup version of the girl next door with a whip who was immortalized a couple of years ago in a popular tune by country rockers BR-549. Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway), baby boomers with a fetish for lingerie and a hankering for a little (not-too-painful) discipline are prone to collect Betty Page cigarette lighters, playing cards, and the like. Red Devil Records lives up to its name by carrying a number of items devoted to Betty worship–a nifty little picture disc being one of my personal favorites. “You can never have enough Betty Page material,” says owner Barry Lazarus, who cut his teeth as a record-store clerk at the infamous Leopold’s Records in Berkeley. Browse at your leisure as Lazarus keeps the in-store play filled with surprises while alternating between ’50s and ’60s jazz favorites and contemporary (and often local) punk music. A very good place to clear the cobwebs out of your addled brain while waiting for next year’s wrist wresting championships.

170 Kentucky St., Petaluma. 707/769-8999. –G.C.


Best Reason to Flush Local Politicians Down the Proverbial Toilet

Let’s see, which of the plagues is going to get us first, the persistent power shortage or the impending drought? All I can say is that Santa Rosa has its share of turds on the City Council. Coincidentally (or not), as the largest city in the North Bay, Santa Rosa produces the most wastewater. That’s the stinking truth. And, coincidentally (or not), it produces quite a bit of stinky public policy. And let’s just say that the city’s wastewater policies over the years haven’t exactly smelled like a bed of roses. The 1999 decision to pipe all that wastewater–a couple of billion gallons a year–along a 41-mile route to the Geysers geothermal electrical-generating plant now may seem unusually foresighted (don’t forget, that the city dragged its collective heels on this issue for 20 years while flushing wastewater into the Russian River) in the face of the power crisis and the cry for alternative power sources (and, yes, Calpine is milking that situation for every kilowatt it can coax out of this public relations coup). But that doesn’t change the fact that plans by the feds to stem the flow of Eel River water diverted into the Russian River makes that wastewater all the more valuable for Sonoma and Marin county farmers who could have used it to irrigate crops (oh, sure, big corporate grape growers got their share). In short, flush the turds who backed the pipeline at your next visit to the ballot box. While Saint Rose of Lima, the city’s namesake, was a pious mystic known for her self-imposed penances, don’t hold your breath waiting for any apologies over this multimillion-dollar disaster in the wings. –G.C.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Way to Savor the Past, Present, and Future

Some end tables look as though they couldn’t support more than a half-empty wine glass. But a structure from Urban Rubble appears as if it could hold up an entire cocktail party. Rich Anderson uses new rock and recycled rusty girders (begged from construction sites) to make functional art that might understatedly be called “sturdy” tables of all sizes. Prize for missing the point: People who ask him to make stuff out of wood. “We don’t need to be cutting down trees,” Anderson says. “We can make our furniture from what’s already here.” Custom-designed Urban Rubble tables cost $300 and up, not counting any retrofitting of your floor. Before you drop in at his workshop, he’d appreciate a call.

Anderson’s Workshop, 9482 Lazy Creek Drive, Windsor. 707/837-9025. –M.W.


Best Place to Rent Obscure Cult Picks

One of my favorite movies as a preteen was The Forbidden Zone, Oingo Boingo’s strange and wonderful musical. The black-and-white cult flick is not available at Blockbuster (not surprising), and I was beginning to think that the movie was just a figment of my ragingly hormonal, 12-year-old fantasy. Until, that is, I went into the Video Droid in Santa Rosa a few weeks ago. Already a regular customer, this night I felt like really getting into the titles in their cult section. (Another personal favorite is Killer Klowns from Outer Space, which has a great rock music video at the end. Very Daniel Pinkwater.) I saw a copy of the long-sought Forbidden Zone and realized that Video Droid is, in fact, the Elysian Fields. Other favorite Droidian features are the indie film section, divided up by directors (John Sayles, blank, blank, blank); the British Humor section; and the actor/actress-of-the-month section (some past featured artists have been Gabriel Byrne, Kevin Spacey, and Cher). Video Droid’s prices are about half as cheap as those of any other video store in the county, and its staff is friendly, knowledgeable, and hip.

1240 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa (707/536-3313); 590 E. Cotati Ave., Cotati (707/794-9797); Third Street and Lincoln Avenue, San Rafael (415/456-3146). –E.L.


Best Ridiculously Cheap Airfare

Last winter, I went through a starving-artist phase. I lived with my French musician sweetheart in a rundown one-bedroom apartment. One night, we decided to go to Paris and be starving artists there for a few weeks. Our plight, naturally, was that we didn’t have any money. Looking in the phone book for a travel agency, I came across Dirt Cheap Travel. Good, I figured, if they live up to their name, maybe we can afford it. After already having called 12 travel agencies that day, I rang Dirt Cheap. They managed to beat the other 12 travel agencies’ prices by at least half. We went to Paris, roundtrip, for $450, including tax. This year, not a starving artist anymore, but still not rich, I called them up again, wanting to visit family in Germany over the holidays. I gave them one week’s notice and got a roundtrip ticket for $550. And the service is excellent. The staff of three runs the business out of a two-bedroom house refurbished into an office. It has printers in the pantry.

307 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707/824-2550. –E.L.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to Find Puppy Love

Singles scene got you down? Tired of lame-ass pick-up lines, nightclub meat-markets, and blind dates that make you wish you were deaf? Well, perk up, little friend: if you’re looking for love, humans aren’t the only option. Dogs and cats offer companionship, loyalty, and affection–and they don’t leave the toilet seat up or demand to go to tear-jerking chick flicks. Of course, picking an animal for a companion is no easy matter. After all, once you commit to living with a lovable animal, you’d look like a real cad, jerk, and bounder if you went back on the deal. So get to know your prospective best buddy first by checking him or her out at the Marin Humane Society. Thousands of homeless animals find shelter every year at the MHS, which uses a sophisticated adoption process to find the right permanent home for each one. Human visitors get to review temperament and health profiles, visit with an adoption counselor, and have a hands-on visit with the perfect pawed pal. It’s a bit like a first date, but without the awkwardness over the check. For more info (including photos of available animals), check out .

Marin Humane Society, 171 Bel Marin Keys Blvd., Novato. 415/883-4621. –P.S.


Best Place to While Away an Hour in Black and White

I live very close to downtown Santa Rosa, and sometimes on a weekend afternoon I’ll take a stroll. After walking up and down Fourth Street once or twice, peering at the windows of the touristy shops, my final destination is always Sawyer’s News, across the street from the public library. If it’s still late morning or early afternoon, I’ll buy a wonderful, pricey cappuccino from the Centro Espresso cart and head over to the card racks. Sawyer’s has a great collection of black-and-white greeting cards. A few of my favorites: ex-Philippine iron lady Imelda Marcos, posing in her closet (surrounded by hundreds of pairs of shoes that all look eerily similar); a man in a three-piece suit, being towed on blocks of ice by a model-T Ford around the Champs Elysées; and three German men drinking beer at a sidewalk cafe out of glasses twice the size of large fishbowls (one of the men wiping his forehead, apparently overwhelmed by the amount of beer he must consume before it goes flat). Not only does Sawyer’s have great greeting cards; it also features just about every magazine known to humankind, plus a candy rack with blast-from-the-past candy like Necco Wafers and Blackjack Gum.

733 Fourth St., Santa Rosa, 707/542-1311. –E.L.


Best Way to Have Flowers Secretly Delivered to Your Sweetheart

About this time last year, I thought I had a stalker. I’d come home to find mysterious and beautiful bouquets on my front porch; my car was entirely covered with flowers, and roses were secretly delivered to my work. It turned out to be not a stalker (whew!) but a wonderfully romantic man who had a penchant for sending me flowers (wow!). During the course of our relationship, I’d continue to receive flowers when and where I least expected it. One day we went on a special outing. “I want to take you to meet my florist,” he said. So we hopped on his motorcycle and zoomed over to the Town and Country Center, home of La Belle Fleur. We walked in, and he announced “This is her!” The staff of the flower shop all turned around and stared at the woman who’d been receiving ridiculous amounts of flowers for months, and I was introduced to the owners, a sweet husband-and-wife team who I couldn’t imagine doing anything else besides owning a flower shop. While I can’t guarantee you can find a man as wonderful as the one who sent me flowers for a year, I can guarantee that La Belle Fleur’s bouquets and arrangements will make that special someone’s eyes light up.

1425 Town and Country Drive, Santa Rosa, 707/542-6729. –E.L.


Best Place to Pick Up Homeopathic Remedies and a Bottle of Wild Turkey

Think all health food stores have an unnatural fixation on health? For evidence to the contrary, stop by Organic Groceries in Santa Rosa, where you’ll find a wide array of vitamins, homeopathic remedies, organic foods–and a well-stocked display of hard liquor behind the front counter. If you’re the kind of person who washes down her B-12 pills with a bottle of Absolut, this place can hook you up. If you like to follow your vegan muffin with a Wild Turkey chaser, these fine folks have you covered on both counts. The store even stocks something called Hot Damn 100–which, frankly, doesn’t look very organic.

Organic Groceries, 2481 Guerneville Road, Santa Rosa. 707/528-3663. –P.S.


Best Excuse for Walking Around in Dirty Clothes

Everybody knew there’d be plenty of hurtin’ to go around when prices for gas and electricity started to rise. But who knew the power shortage would hit us in the dirty clothes hamper? Yet that’s exactly what’s happened at laundromats around the North Bay, where rising power costs have forced dramatic increases in the cost of the weekly wash. At the laundromat at the corner of Third and Dutton in Santa Rosa, for instance, the price of using a washing machine almost doubled last month, going from $1.25 to $2. Ouch! Time to start employing the famous sniff test. –P.S.

Readers’ Poll Results






Staff Picks






From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Maintained by .


Best of the North Bay 2001

0

Best of the North Bay

Primal Beats

“Generally speaking, definitions are a big waste of time.”

Someone said that once, and we were just wondering who it was. Might have been Kerouac or Ginsberg, resisting an urge to define the Beat movement, or maybe Berry or Joplin or Hendrix, laughing off some lame attempt at defining rock ‘n’ roll.

Or, hey, maybe it was you, the last time some robotic drone from the Big City asked you to define your existence, to prove what’s so cool about living the way you do, to defend your role as a groovy member of the great Suburban Primitive Tribe of the North Bay.

It was you, wasn’t it?

You who are simultaneously hot, hot, hot and so very, very cool. You the triumphant suburban survivor who realizes that your tribe is not defined by things like geography and demographics.

To define the people of the North Bay, you’d have to talk all day, you’d have to talk about shades of green and music and rhythms and ideas and art and collaborations and truth-with-a-capital-T, because those are the primal heartbeats that sound through every amazing minute of your very special life.

Well, we asked you to talk, and talk you did. You’ve talked to us for weeks now. You’ve named and claimed all the things you love best about life within the North Bay Tribe–and here is what you said. Of course, we the staff and contributors of the Northern California Bohemian have tossed in a few tasty tidbits of our own. But you did the work, and we dig that about you, because we know that what really defines the North Bay is you.

You Suburban Primitive you.

Table of Contents

Readers’ Poll Results






Staff Picks






Staff and contributors’ picks penned by Yosha Bourgea, Greg Cahill, Bill English, Paula Harris, Avis Johnson, Ella Lawrence, Patrick Sullivan, David Templeton, and Marina Wolf.


From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Maintained by .


Best Food & Drink

Best Food & Drink

Chow Time


SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

–from The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to snare an Alligator

At Cajun Moon, the newly opened Louisiana-themed eatery in downtown Petaluma, you can come face to face with a vicious green reptile in two distinct ways. First, you can find one on your plate, should you order up a mess of deep-fried, battered alligator chunks, made from real alligator (tastes like a fish trying to pretend it’s a chicken). Second, should you sashay over to the restaurant’s elaborate indoor diorama–featuring a stunning wall-sized mural depicting a sleepy bayou on a moonlit evening, complete with ramshackle shack and mysterious peering animals–you’ll find a small herd of three-dimensional gators (like the one accompanied by chef/owner Levon Binion and Stephanie Cody of Cajun Moon) simulating a late-night romp through the swamp. You can touch them, but be careful: They know what you’ve just had for dinner.

205 Kentucky St., Petaluma, 707/773-4989. –D.T.


Best Subversion of the Chain-Restaurant Paradigm

Every 24-hour restaurant has its share of strange bedfellows. When everything else closes down at 10 p.m., necessity draws hungry people to the nearest feed station, regardless of their age, color, profession, or hygiene. But when two (or more) worlds collide, things can sometimes get downright surreal. Take the scene that unfolds most Thursday nights at the Lyon’s on Farmers Lane in Santa Rosa. One side of the room fills up with the queer youth group, with butch girls and femmy boys spilling over the seats and onto each other’s laps. On the other side, a long table of barbershop-quartet singers whiles away the time with sad, sweet harmonies that get annoying after the second song. In the middle of all this, members of some local Republican think tank polish off their wine and argue about the tip. Nearby, restless adolescents sneer or look faintly confused, but the connoisseur of human interaction simply smiles.

190 Farmers Lane, Santa Rosa. 528-9311. –M.W.


Best Closet Vegetarian Dish

OK, it’s not on the menu–you have to ask–but even consummate carnivores will lustfully devour the vegetarian platter of delicious goodies offered at Dempsey’s brew pub/bistro. Prepare for a heaping portion of vibrant tastes that has to be experienced to be believed. We recently tucked into a huge plate artistically piled and draped with spicy Asian coleslaw; mesclun green salad; crispy onion rings; char-grilled squash; whole roasted potatoes; an entire head of baked garlic with buttery cloves and fresh bread on which to smear it; a melange of sautéed zucchini, carrots, and red peppers; creamy mashed potatoes; basmati rice; fresh mango slices; and a small crock of thick, lightly spiced black bean chili–all for $11.95. This global mix of veggie delights really works–especially when you’re swigging back a cold one.

50 E. Washington St., Petaluma, 707/765-9694. –P.H.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Hippie Grub

Amecca of rooster-helmet wearing, chicken-toting artists, kids in baggy pants, and strolling tourists, the East West Cafe in Sebastopol has some of the most mouth-watering falafel this side of Iran. The menu, of course, is not limited to falafel; it boasts four pages of breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. East West’s salads are always fresh, crispy, and organic, and their wraps divine. (The tofu-teriyaki wrap is especially recommendable.) In a county that prides itself on its eclectic mix of liberals and artisans, it’s surprisingly hard to find some decent vegetarian, much less vegan, morsels. East West takes traditional Eastern cuisine and gives it a distinctively Californian flair, doing things with tofu and sprouts that just couldn’t be done anywhere else.

128 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707/829-2822. –E.L.


Best-Dressed Baristas

The java-jerk uniform is more of an anti-uniform, defined by what it’s not. That is, its complete lack of uniformity is the dress code, which is great for keeping things casual and giving us a little taste of urban edge. And yet sometimes one wants a bit of Old World elegance and service to match. Emporio Rulli is that place. The bustling little cafe in downtown Larkspur is justifiably known for its pastries (try the panforte, a sticky-sweet cake with no flour and lots of everything else), its mirrored walls, and some of the strongest and best espresso north of North Beach. And no matter what time of day, the staff remain exquisitely polite and well-pressed: 10 triple lattes couldn’t break the fold in the back of their starched white collars. Espresso without the attitude!

464 Magnolia Ave., Larkspur. 415/924-7478. –M.W.


Best Place for Duck Eggs and Jackfruit

The supermarket is an American creation, a sterile, brightly landscaped freeway that displays food like a series of commercials. It is unlike markets in most other parts of the world, where advertising is less of a cultural imperative. For a taste of the exotic, take a walk down the narrow aisles of Mekong Market, located in the soon-to-be-face-lifted Roseland district. You won’t find club card specials here, or produce that is misted every three minutes. What you will find is an odd cornucopia of items that, for the most part, are unavailable elsewhere. Like cans of jackfruit and jellied azuki beans; black, goose-pimply chickens with heads and feet still attached; purple duck eggs; Ziploc baggies of bean sprouts and lime leaves; and rice noodles in four different widths. The delicious rubs shoulders with the bizarre, and depending upon your sense of adventure, there’s always something new to try.

1077 Sebastopol Road, Santa Rosa. 707/544-6201. –Y.B.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Free Wine Glass

Well, technically, this glass isn’t exactly free (you gotta pay a small tasting fee to nab it), but the wine at Niebaum-Coppola Winery is so yummy you probably won’t be too peeved. What you’ll get (besides several tastes of liquid fruit) at Francis Ford Coppola’s facility is a perfect tulip-shaped, lead-free crystal goblet etched with a classy–not cheesy–logo of the Coppola insignia and signature. Go back a couple of times with friends and, voilà, you have the set! You can also buy ’em in the winery retail room at $7.50 a pop–but this is far more fun. Plus, while you’re at the impressive winery, pop into the famed director’s movie memorabilia exhibit on-site and check out an automobile from Tucker, Vito Corleone’s desk from The Godfather, and several honest-to-God Oscars glinting glamorously behind their glass case.

1991 St. Helena Hwy., Rutherford. 707/968-1100. –P.H.


Best Group for Obsessing about Food (aside from Weight Watchers)

For a movement that boasts a snail as its mascot, Slow Food has spread faster than you can say, “Now where exactly is that lettuce from?” Founded in Italy in 1986 in response to the encroachment of McDonald’s and the rapid disappearance of local food specialties, Slow Food has since spread to dozens of other countries, among them the United States, where these same issues have been long in the making and short of attention. The ideals of Slow Food–which include organic methods, small production, and attention to a region’s culinary history–found a natural home in San Francisco Bay Area. The first chapter, or convivium, in the United States was in the San Francisco, and the North Bay boasts six convivia of its own, which range from those on the remote roads of Mendocino County to a Napa group and three in Sonoma County. Recent Slow Food activities have included readings, seed swaps, watershed hikes, and a tour of the Jack London property, complete with a turn-of-the-(19th)-century picnic. An added attraction for membership is the semiannual journal, an engrossing read to be savored–how else?–slowly. Slow Food membership is $60 a year, $75 for a couple.

Call 1/877/SLOWFOOD, or visit the website at . –M.W.


Best Philosophical Winemaking Decision

In today’s corporate America, it’s not enough to run a profitable company; success is measured primarily by growth. That’s why regular and barbecue-flavored potato chips have been joined by Cheddar, ranch, and sour cream-and-onion permutations. It’s why McDonald’s introduces a “New Tastes Menu.” And it’s why wineries introduce “second labels” and additional varietals. Lou Preston was not immune to the “bigger is better” syndrome, expanding his winery’s product line and even changing its name to Preston of Dry Creek. But for Preston, who is as passionate about artisan bread-baking as he is about artisan winemaking, bigger was not better. Not long ago, he made the unusual decision to “grow smaller.” He’ll now make just about 5,000 cases of wine per harvest and sell the rest of his grapes to other (mostly larger) wineries. “We haven’t exactly come full circle,” he says. “Rather, the wisdom of our experience has moved us forward.” Small can be beautiful. –B.J.


Best Added (Vino) Value

Along with the three-pack of blue-striped gym socks, the box of family-sized laundry detergent, and the Cruisin’ Car Tunes of the ’60s cassette, you can now place an “exclusive” bottle of wine in your Wal-Mart shopping basket. Exclusive, that is, to the behemoth retailer that is partly responsible for transforming Main Street USA into a ghost thoroughfare. Wal-Mart has struck a deal with another giant business entity, E&J Gallo, to produce a line of wines dubbed “Alcott Ridge,” available only at Wal-Mart stores. The line includes America’s top-selling wine types–white zinfandel, chardonnay, merlot, and cabernet sauvignon–and is priced at around seven bucks per bottle. I tried the chardonnay and cabernet, and even though one is white and the other red, they shared two distinctive qualities: they taste rather thin and leave a lingering, unpleasant after-flavor. Of course, this is a brand and a line created not to satisfy the senses, but to meet a price point. That fact alone may not placate the palate, but at least at Wal-Mart wine purchasers get something they don’t receive at the typical wine shop: a hug. –B.J.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Place to Blow the Inheritance on Truffles and Antelope

The ultra-chichi French Laundry may be just down the road, but a lesser-known restaurant is packing in those in the know with similar topnotch cuisine but slightly more accessible prices and reservation availability. At La Toque, tucked away in Rutherford’s Rancho Caymus Inn, Chef Ken Frank’s elaborate wine pairing menus (which change daily) are chock full of riches like South Texas antelope with lentilles du puy and cabernet foie gras sauce, paired with 1997 Boeger barbera. The night we went, a special seasonal menu featured truffles in every course. Set in a comfortable elegantly rustic dining room with a blazing fireplace centerpiece and superb service, this is special-occasion eating at its most polished. The fixed-price menu is $72 for five courses, which includes food only, or splurge another $40 for wines specifically tailored to match each forkful. The kitchen also accommodates vegetarians, citing them as a pleasant challenge, and will come up with a specific tasting menu just for them.

La Toque, 1140 Rutherford Road, Rutherford, 707/963-9770. –P.H.


Best North Coast Port Maker

OK, OK . . . by definition, “real” port must come from Portugal, just as “real” champagne must hail from the Champagne region of France. But that’s a topic for the intelligentsia of the world. For us normal folks, a port is a port is a port. And the local ports we’d like to drink in a storm come from Prager Winery and Port Works in St. Helena. These bottlings are about as atypical as port can get, made not from the politically correct grapes of Oporto, but rather from varietals such as cabernet sauvignon, chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, and petite sirah. Authentic? No. “Portlike” in every way? No. Tasty? Yes! Not to mention more wallet-friendly than the imported bottlings of Graham, Dow, Smith Woodhouse, et al. –B.J.


Best Sonoma County Zin Vineyard

The Dry Creek Valley is considered the Valhalla of zinfandel, and thus is home to countless exceptional zin vineyards. But of all the plots, minuscule or immense, devoted to zin, none measures up to the Maple Vineyard. Zinfandel grapes from Maple confirm the talents of established winemakers and transform competent vintners into stars. Several wineries have access to Maple Vineyard grapes, and two in particular make breathtaking wines from this special fruit: Gary Farrell and Armida. The intensity of the berry and pepper flavors will arouse even the deepest-sleeping of palates. In a perfect world, just as all maple syrup should come from Vermont, all zinfandel should come from the Maple Vineyard. –B.J.


Best Screw-Top Wine

America’s skid-row winos may be in for an image makeover now that there’s a screw-top wine that sells for $135. That’s per bottle, not per gross. As the story goes, black gold/Texas tea magnate and art connoisseur Gordon Getty, one of the owners of Napa Valley’s PlumpJack Winery, didn’t like the idea that a certain percentage of wines (not just PlumpJack’s) were guaranteed to be undrinkable owing to tainted corks. The solution: eliminate the problem. Some purists may have been shocked when PlumpJack replaced cork closures with screw tops for 120 cases of its 1997 cabernet sauvignon, but most vintners weren’t. Behind closed cellar doors, they’ll tell you that screw tops are superior. At the same time, they feared that the public’s perception of a screw top could compromise the perceived value of their bottlings. PlumpJack’s bold experiment proved them wrong, and growing numbers of wineries will be replacing corks with screw tops in the future. By the way, PlumpJack’s cabernet is mighty fine wine. But then, at $135 a pop . . . er, twist . . . it had better be. –B.J.


Best Place to Lose Your Shopping List

Sometimes the best-laid plans go awry, and that cross-referenced week of menus winds up trapped in a bush in a rain-soaked parking lot. If you’re lucky, that parking lot will be the one in front of G&G Supermarket. G&G, a fixture of west Santa Rosa for almost 40 years, has the requisite Froot Loops and toilet paper and frozen peas, but wake up and look around: you won’t find this selection anywhere else. Obscure French cookies, good Italian cheese, seafood-flavored crackers from Japan, organic juice from Santa Cruz, and odds and ends from everywhere. Sometimes one wonders if the buyer isn’t a little ADD. Actually there are five or six buyers in the flagship store of this family-run business (there’s another, new G&G in Petaluma), and they all are really eager to stock what the customers ask for. The result feels something like a Middle Eastern bazaar, with clean floors and paper-or-plastic option.

1211 W. College Ave., Santa Rosa (707/546-6877); 701 Sonoma Mt. Pkwy., Petaluma (707/765-1198). –M.W.



Photograph by Janet orsi

Best White Noise with a Latte on the Side

If the human race is one big family, cafes are our family rooms. At once confessional and chat room, office and assembly hall, cafes must be all things to all people, which requires a certain aural quality. Too loud, and you can’t hear a person across the table; too soft, and you’re afraid to turn the page on your notebook. A’Roma Roasters and Coffeehouse has the perfect ambiance: one part groovy sound system with an unpredictable mix that manages to be audible but not obtrusive, and one part coffee-roaster grind, strained through the high-beamed ceilings and humming fans for a strangely effective noise masker. A counselor could hold a session in here and not violate confidentiality. Don’t get too comfortable, though. When that batch of Boxcar Blend is done, the decibels drop, and you might find yourself sharing with the room. And as comfortable as everyone looks, we’re not that comfortable.

95 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 707/576-7765. –M.W.


Best Spin on the Wine Country for Teetotaling Relatives

The whole notion of “wine country” means nothing to recovering alcoholics, Mormons, or any other visitors who don’t drink. That much is clear when you try to entice them into coming. “I know this cute little tasting room . . .” Faces are blank. “Oh, and the vineyards are just beautiful this time of year . . .” Nothing. “Um, the ocean’s nice.” If you’re smart, you’ll plan ahead and avoid the awkwardness. It’s not hard. There’s the whole west Sonoma County Farm Trail experience, with a stop at Kozlowski Farms. A trip along the coast offers multiple opportunities for crab and saltwater-taffy tastings. My family’s favorite, though, is a visit to downtown Sonoma, for a stroll around the square and a visit to the Sonoma Cheese Factory. The Olive Press in Glen Ellen is a nice ending to the tour, oil sampling giving the basic experience of critical consumption without the boozy breath.

Sonoma Cheese Factory, 2 W. Spain St., Sonoma (707/996-1000); Olive Press, 14301 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen (707/939-8900). –M.W.


Best Place to Chew Fish while Pretending You’re Elsewhere

If wishes were fishes, we’d have some to fry/ If wishes were horses, a poor man could ride. That’s what my grandmother used to say. It was terrifying to a wide-eyed 6-year-old, but now I appreciate her homespun wisdom and I’m here to tell you that though I can’t do squat about the horses, if your wish is for fish, paddle over to Cape Cod Fish & Chips in Cotati. Nicely crammed into a nondescript, hard-to-find, storefront hole in the wall near Sonoma State University, the place doesn’t look like much from the parking lot. Once you step inside, however, and order up a platter of crisp and crunchy cod served with a smile from a friendly and eccentric crew, you’ll be wishing you’d found this place sooner.

548 E. Cotati Ave., Cotati. 707/792-0982. –D.T.



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Way to Dish At The Bakery

Not content with just turning out fragrant ovenfuls of organic sweets like coffee cakes, scones, cinnamon rolls, and her signature original chocolate beet cake, Beth LaFrance, a.k.a. Beth the Baker, has added Chicago deep-dish pizza to her tasty repertoire. The Sebastopol regulars of this cozy community-hangout bakery, which has been dubbed “Cheers without the booze,” and hungry visitors couldn’t be more pleased with the new addition of pizza. And what a pizza it is, boasting a super-thick and luscious pastry-like crust filled with an extra layer of creamy cheese and topped with savory goodies like sausage and fennel seeds or tomato sauce and mushrooms. Beth assembles the pizza, and you take it home and bake it for a few minutes until the cheese is melted and the crust is a deep golden brown. Breathe deep, don the oven gloves, and cancel that trip to Chicago.

Beth the Baker, 171 Pleasant Hill Ave. N., Sebastopol, 707/823-1440. –P.H.


Best Unorthodox Cuppa Tea

In our neck of the woods, tea is more than just a steamy leafy brew in a china pot served properly at 4 p.m. with Devonshire cream-filled scones and cucumber sandwiches in Harrods’ posh Tea Room. Take the Republic of Tea, for example. Headquartered in Novato, this well-steeped company sells more than 75 varieties of teas, herbs, chai, bottled iced teas, jams, and cookies in specialty food locations throughout the United States. Unusual tea-inspired products include unsweetened, nonalcoholic bottled iced teas–touted to pair well with different cuisines: Blackberry Sage with roasted fowl or gourmet pizza, Ginger Peach with pork and spicy dishes, Jade Mint Green Tea with Asian cuisine, lamb, and duck, and so on. The Republic of Tea’s latest venture is a collaboration with Maine’s Stonewall Kitchen to create a line of savory and fruity tea jams in flavors like cinnamon-plum and raspberry-quince, which contains hibiscus and rose-petal essence. The stuffy old cuppa will never be the same again.

Republic of Tea, 8 Digital Drive, Novato, 415/382-3400. –P.H.

Readers’ Poll Results






Staff Picks






From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Maintained by .


Best Romance

Best Romance

Mating Game


“I love love,” she said, closing her eyes. I promised her beautiful love. I gloated over her. Our stories were told; we subsided into silence and sweet anticipatory thoughts. It was as simple as that. You could have all your Peaches and Bettys and Marylous and Inezes in this world; this was my girl and my kind of girlsoul, and I told her that. She confessed she saw me watching her in the bus station. “I thought you was a nice college boy.”

–from ‘On the Road’ by Jack Kerouac



Photograph by Michael Amsler

Best Place to Wrestle an Ocelot

At Samhain (pronounced Sow-in), the pagan New Year, my sweetheart and I ventured for the weekend to the Isis Oasis in Geyserville. After unpacking the truck (we brought masks, cloaks, and an enormous down comforter), we toured the grounds, exploring yurts, huts, and big rooms full of Egyptian goddess gear. After a nontraditional dinner of pomegranates and other symbolic foodstuffs, we took a dip in one of the three hot tubs as well as the swimming pool (briefly though, it being the first weekend of November). Much pagan revelry and fun ensued, but the most memorable part of the weekend was the animals. The Isis Oasis boasts a large, well-cared-for menagerie, including black-and-white swans and other waterfowl, five pygmy goats, one unicorn, ocelots, pheasants, serval cats, Egyptian geese, emus, parrots, cockatiels, parakeets, llamas, and bobcats. One of the ocelots, a rowdy teenager, needed more human contact. After he snapped on his leash, we were allowed to take him out of his lofty tree-filled cage and onto the lawn, where he proceeded to violently claw and try to maim us. How sweet!

20889 Geyserville Ave., Geyserville. 707/857-4747. –E.L.


Best Romantic Meal in a Manor

At one time, dining at Madrona Manor Restaurant, an 1881 grand gabled historic landmark, meant sitting up straight, conversing in whispers, and listening to polite, if not pompous recorded chamber music. Not too conducive to melting your honey’s heart. But lately the venerable Victorian country inn and restaurant on the outskirts of Healdsburg has shed its stuffy image. The walls are softer-hued, the music sexier, and chef Jesse Mallgren’s menu lighter. The restaurant is still elegant, with its comfortable upholstered chairs, white linen tablecloths, cut-glass candlesticks, and heavy silverware, but now the ambiance succeeds in also being laid-back. After a relaxing wine-pairing dinner, take a dreamlike stroll through the beautiful landscaped gardens with their illuminated fountain, benches, urns of cascading flowers, and gorgeous scents.

1001 Westside Road, Healdsburg. 707/433-4231. –P.H.


Best Place to Meet Mr./Ms. Right

So you’re looking at the poor slob at the end of the bar–the loud-mouthed guy with the vodka stains on his necktie, the guy teetering on his scuffed Florsheims, the guy blabbing to his friends about his double alimony and triple child-support payments–and you’re wondering, Why can’t I meet the right guy? A sensitive guy. A caring guy. A guy with visible means of support. Maybe you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, as the old song goes. Where can you find a sober, motivated, financially secure mate? Check out the “How to Manage Your Inheritance” seminar at the newly opened SRJC Technology Academy. Sure, you might not be the only gold digger there, but why not give it a shot. Hey, you might even pick up some tips as a beginning investor. Caveat emptor: Of course, there’s always the possibility that everyone in attendance is on the make and the whole class could be just as poor, broke, and lonely as yourself. (Check the schedule for upcoming workshops.)

Redwood Business Park, 1372 N. McDowell Blvd., Suite H, Petaluma. 707/778-2410. –G.C.


Best Sunset and Samosas

There are two Sizzling Tandoor restaurants in Sonoma County. The downtown Santa Rosa location has great food and a view of Mendocino Avenue. The Jenner location has great food and a view of the Pomo Canyon hills, and, beyond, the ocean. Aah. This lovely spot is the place to wine and dine your lover. If you really want to make an impression, take your toots to a window table about an hour before sunset. Then, with bellies full of chicken Tiki Marsala, spinach samosas, and kheer, you can gaze deeply into each other’s eyes and then look westward for the breathtaking sunsets.

9960 Hwy. 1, Jenner (707/865-0625); 409 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa (707/579-999). –E.L.


Best Place to Get Your Socks Knocked Off

The upstairs dining nook at the Thai House in Santa Rosa is quite possibly one of the most romantic places on the planet. The lighting is dim, the decor superb, and the waitresses discreet and attractively dressed in traditional Thai costume. I save the Thai House as a special-occasion restaurant, dining on soft-shell crab and Thai iced tea on birthdays and anniversaries. The food is served in large dishes, set down on the middle of the table in traditional Asian-cuisine style. This makes it easy to share bites of whatever delectable dish you order. I really can’t think of a nicer way to spend an evening than snuggled up next to your sweetie, cross-legged on floor cushions, feeding each other perfectly cooked morsels of kung ka prow and pad thai noodles.

525 Fourth St. (above the Sonoma Coffee Co.), Santa Rosa. 707/526-3939. –E.L.


Best Way to Make Your First Date Laugh His or Her Ass Off

If you can’t win somebody’s heart through his/her stomach, try humor instead! Here’s the scenario. You’ve asked out the cutie behind the coffee-shop counter (or wherever you’ve found him/her), and he/she actually says, “Yes.” Keep your cool, but, for heaven’s sake, abandon the tired old dinner-and-a-movie routine. It’s been overdone. For a guaranteed smashing first date, take your swoon to Michele’s Restaurant on a Saturday night to see the Clueless Comedy Company perform. Michele’s is a great old Italian restaurant, complete with a large leather bar and booths, and pictures of old Santa Rosa taken nearly a hundred years ago. The Clueless Comedy Company puts on a hilarious show based on the English improv TV series Whose Line Is It, Anyway? The show starts at 9 p.m., but get there early for good seats. It’s $8, which is cheaper than a movie these days, anyway!

Seventh and Adams streets, Santa Rosa. 707/542-2577. –E.L.


Best Reason to Remember that the Fundamental Things Apply

Love is dead. That’s a drag and it’s all right at the same time. It’s not that I’ve given up hope or that I ever even care about this one way or another. After all, one learns to get along, to be alone with being lonely–most of the time. But a lot of my 30-something friends are getting nervous about spending not just Saturday nights, but the rest of their life alone without that special someone, someone with whom to share love and lust. Worst of all, I’m beginning to become aware that somehow, somewhere along the way, all that well-honed angst of my youth has mellowed or, worse yet, just dissipated. Yet the longing lingers. The part that gets tiresome is the same old story. Lose yourself in a new lover–for a while. Then wait for the disillusionment to settle in. Lately, I think about that Beck song “Beautiful Way”: “Searching on the skyline/ Just looking for a friend/ Who’s gonna love my baby/ When she’s gone around the bend?” I think I’ve gone around that bend. Then I remember that old Herman Hupfeld classic “As Time Goes By” (the Harry Nilsson version, of course): “You must remember this/ A kiss is still a kiss/ A sigh is just a sigh/ The fundamental things apply/ As time goes by.” OK, sounds hokey, but somehow it makes sense. Hopefully, the world will always welcome lovers–that just might give me enough time to figure this all out before I go crazy. –A.J.


Best Place For a Roll in the Hay

Yeah, you really do it, and at the ultra-swanky Sonoma Mission Inn and Spa no less! The Hay Flotation Back Treatment involves a tension-busting massage followed by a stint laying on “therapeutic alpine hay packs” while being “suspended on the warm flotation table.” If this all seems a bit too B&D for your taste, there are other more tender-sounding treatments available. How about a Couples Wine and Roses Kur, which features a bath à deux in rose petals followed by a grapeseed oil massage? Or maybe you and your sweetie would prefere a Couples Instruction in Massage, which all takes place in the privacy of your hotel room and gives you all the tools needed to begin the romantic rub-down.

18140 Sonoma Hwy., Boyes Hot Springs. 707/938-9000. –P.H.

Readers’ Poll Results






Staff Picks






From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Maintained by .


Kenneth Cleaver

Consumer Correspondent

February 1, 2001 Mr. Wayne LaPierre, Executive Vice President National Rifle Association 11250 Waples Mill Road Fairfax, VA 22030

Dear Mr. LaPierre:

The battle to claim the American political center finds the Republican Party undergoing a dramatic facelift. Part of this effort involves distancing itself from the religious right and welcoming people of color into the arms of the party, or at least to the podium of the national convention. The NRA should grab the torch from the GOP brain trust and ready the welcome wagon in an appeal for a new and diverse membership.

My friend David is extremely homosexual and interested in familiarizing himself with high-powered rifles. He is a tenacious worker with strong computer skills and would make an excellent director of the Pink Holster Society: the official Gay & Lesbian Auxiliary of the NRA.

The Pink Holster Society will provide a friendly environment for gays and lesbians to learn about and practice with firearms. The political necessity of organizing for the right to own, buy, sell, and discuss firearms ad nauseam will be the message hammered home through karaoke nights, potluck dinners, and drag shows.

The more the NRA reflects in its membership the diversity of the American people, the stronger it will become. I hope you will give serious consideration to backing the Pink Holster Society and hiring David Melito as its provisional director.

Sincerely, Kenneth H. Cleaver

March 2, 2001 Mr. Kenneth H. Cleaver P.O. Box 810 Bedford, NY 10506

Dear Mr. Cleaver,

Thank you for your recent letter addressed to NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre. Mr. LaPierre has asked me to respond on his behalf. We appreciate you taking the time to contact our office.

Today we are faced with the most serious challenge to our Second Amendment rights in the history of our nation. The anti-gun forces in government and the media are determined to strip law-abiding Americans of their right to keep and bear arms, by eroding the value of the Second Amendment, and gradually limiting our rights.

Their intention is not to repeal the Second Amendment, but to devalue it to a point where it is worthless.

Thank you for your comments. We will be taking them into consideration as we work on our strategy to reverse the recent tide of anti-gun legislation, so as to secure our firearm freedoms well into the next century. If you have any questions, please call us at (800) 672-3888.

Sincerely, Robert L. Boyd Member Information

From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘Trade Secrets’: Chemical Industry Esposé

The Chemical Papers

Secrets of the chemical industry exposed

By Don Hazen

LIKE ERIN BROCKOVICH, the paralegal-turned-movie icon who fought against toxic polluters in California, Elaine Ross was determined to uncover the truth. Ross wanted to know what had killed her husband, a chemical plant worker in the bayous of Louisiana, at the untimely age of 46. She teamed up with crusading lawyer William “Billy” Baggett Jr., the son of a famous Southern litigator, and together they have become central figures in a David-and-Goliath battle to protect the health of all Americans, especially workers.

Now, in the latest chapter of the story, a team led by Bill Moyers has created a PBS special report called Trade Secrets that will air on Monday evening, March 26. The special, based on a secret archive of chemical industry documents, explores the industry pattern of obfuscating, denying, and hiding the dangerous effects of chemicals on unsuspecting workers and consumers.

At its core, the Moyers show asks a deeply troubling question: With more than 75,000 synthetic chemicals having been released into the environment, what happens as our bodies absorb them, and how can we protect ourselves? As part of the report, Moyers took tests designed to measure the synthetic chemcials in his body–a measurement known as “chemical body burden.” Moyers learned that his body contained 31 diffferent types of PCBs, 13 different toxins, and pesticides such as malathion and DDT.

When it hits the air, the Moyers special is expected to re-energize veteran health activists and medical professionals in their fight against a growing problem–unregulated and untested chemicals flooding the commercial market-place. This public heat, coupled with a burgeoning grassroots resistance to chemical producers, may set the industry on the defensive like never before . . . but that’s getting ahead of the story.

Legal Battle in the Bayou

Elaine Ross’s husband, Dan, spent 23 years working at the Conoco (later Vista) chemical plant in Lake Charles, La. After being diagnosed with brain cancer, according to Jim Morris of the Houston Chronicle, “Dan Ross came to believe that he had struck a terrible bargain, forfeiting perhaps 30 years of his life through his willingness to work with vinyl chloride, used to make one of the world’s most common plastics.”

“Just before he died [in 1990] he said, ‘Mama, they killed me,’ ” recalled Elaine. “I promised him I would never let Vista or the chemical industry forget who he was.”

And she hasn’t. She teamed up with Billy Baggett to file a wrongful death suit against Vista. Baggett won a multimillion-dollar settlement for Ross in 1994, but she wasn’t satisfied with just the money. She knew that her husband’s death wasn’t an isolated incident–that many other chemical plant workers were dead, dying, or sick because their employers weren’t telling them about potential health hazards. And Vista certainly wasn’t the only culprit.

So Ross told Baggett to take the fight to the next level. Baggett did, suing 30 companies and trade associations, including the Chemical Manufacturers Association (now called the American Chemistry Council) for conspiracy, alleging that they hid and suppressed evidence of vinyl chloride-related deaths and diseases.

As a result of the litigation brought on Ross’ behalf, Baggett has been able to obtain what he says is more than a million previously secret industry documents over the past decade. These “Chemical Papers,” as they are becoming known, chronicled virtually the entire history of the chemical industry, much of it related to vinyl chloride–minutes of board meetings, minutes of committee meetings, consultant reports, and on and on.

According to Jim Morris of the Houston Chronicle, the documents suggested that major chemical manufacturers closed ranks in the late 1950s to contain and counteract evidence of vinyl chloride’s toxic effects. “They depict a framework of dubious science and painstaking public relations, coordinated by the industry’s main trade association with two dominant themes: Avoid disclosure and deny liability.” The chemical companies were hiding the fact that they had “subjected at least two generations of workers to excessive levels of a potent carcinogen that targets the liver, brain, lungs and blood-forming organs.”

“Even though they [the chemical companies] may be competitive in some spheres, in others they aren’t,” Baggett told Morris. “They have a mutual interest in their own employees not knowing [about health effects], in their customers not knowing, in the government not knowing.”

“There was a concerted effort to hide this material,” said Dr. David Rosner, a professor of public health and history at Columbia University who has reviewed many of the documents as part of a research project. “It’s clear there was chicanery.”

And while the documents show that the companies freely shared health information among themselves, they “were evasive with their own employees and the government,” wrote Morris. “They were unwilling to disrupt the growing market for polyvinyl chloride (PVC) plastic, used in everything from pipe to garden hoses.” The whole case and others like it “accentuate the problem of occupational cancer, which, by some estimates, takes more lives (50,000) each year than AIDS, homicide or suicide, but receives far less attention.”

“What I hope to achieve, through Billy, is that every man who works in a chemical plant is told the truth and tested on a regular basis in the proper manner,” Elaine Ross told the Houston Chronicle. “I want the chemical companies to be accountable for every little detail that they don’t tell these men.”

In a prepared statement, the Chemical Manufacturers Association called such charges “irresponsible.” The group said that it promotes a policy of openness among its members.

From Courtroom to Television Set

Award-winning TV producer Sherry Jones, who got access to the treasure trove of chemical company archives, started deeply probing the industry and its secret ways. She brought her findings to Bill Moyers, with whom she had previously worked.

Moyers agreed that the story needed to be told. The result of their collaboration is Trade Secrets, the 90-minute special that will be followed by a 30-minute roundtable discussion among industry representatives and advocates for public health and environmental justice. Coming as it does on Monday night, March 26–the night after the Academy Awards, where Julia Roberts may very well receive an Oscar for her portrayal of Erin Brockovich–this one-two punch of mass audience attention could deal the chemical industry quite a blow.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Center for Disease Control has released its National Report on Human Exposure to Environmental Chemicals (available at www.cdc.gov/nceh/dls/report). The report, based on new technology that measures chemicals directly in blood and urine, has found a wide range of dangerous chemicals present in most humans.

Citizen activists and health experts have been fighting for decades to protect their families from untested and unsafe synthetic chemicals. It has been a difficult battle, owing in part to public misconceptions. Almost 80 percent of Americans think that the government tests chemicals for safety, which is untrue. Aside from chemicals directly added to food or drugs, there are no health and safety studies required before a chemical is manufactured, sold, or used in commercial or retail products. The same is true for cosmetic products and the chemicals in them.

So if the government isn’t regulating chemical safety, who is? Unfortunately, the chemical industry itself.

As health advocates have long complained, this self-regulation simply isn’t enough. “For the most part, we rely on chemical companies to vouch for the safety of their products,” says public health advocate Charlotte Brody, a former nurse. “That’s like relying on the tobacco industry to assess the risk of tobacco.”

Take the case of Dursban, Dow Chemical’s indoor insecticide product. Even after 276 people filed lawsuits claiming that they were poisoned by Dursban, Dow didn’t reveal information about the product that proved its toxicity. When the truth finally came out in 1996, the company was fined a miniscule $740,000 by the Feds for withholding information from public officials.

Critics have long said that strong government regulations would have prevented such fiascoes, and with Trade Secrets and the Chemical Papers as ammunition, they may be closer to getting their wish than ever before.

Taking the Chemical Industry to Task

Using the Moyers special as a rallying point, a coalition of grassroots groups called “Coming Clean” has bonded together to oppose the chemical industry. In early March, dozens of national leaders–health professionals, scientists, activists, and media experts–gathered for a weekend retreat in northern Virginia to plan the elements of this long-term assault. Charlotte Brody, currently Coming Clean’s head organizer, expressed the anger and outrage behind the meeting.

“For decades, chemical companies kept secret the hazards of chemicals they produce,” Brody said. “These chemicals are in our food, our water, the air we breathe. Now, they’re in all of us. Every child on earth is born with these synthetic chemicals in their bodies, and only a small percentage of these chemicals have been adequately tested.”

Dr. Mark Mitchell, a physician from Hartford, Conn., and one of the leaders of the national effort, insisted that to protect ourselves and our children from the harm of toxic chemicals, “we must phase out all dangerous chemicals over the next 10 years, beginning with those for which there are safer alternatives. And we must stop making the same mistakes by prohibiting the introduction of any new chemicals that pose a threat to our health and our children’s health. There also needs to be government action to insure the right to know about toxic chemicals, production, use, and test results.”

As a first step, Coming Clean plans to engage the public with the message of Trade Secrets. All across the country, thousands of events and viewing parties are being organized, timed to coincide with the Moyers show. The events harken back to the campaign surrounding the 1980s nuclear holocaust film The Day After, which galvanized a vanguard of anti-nuke activists to oppose the arms race.

“The local viewing parties will give people a chance to talk about the film after they see it,” says Stacy Malkan, Coming Clean’s media coordinator. “Rather than going to bed angry, they can discuss the issues with other concerned neighbors, and then channel their outrage and ideas into powerful grassroots coalitions.”

Momentum around the Moyers special seems to be picking up. The Whole Foods supermarket chain has agreed to carry Coming Clean’s flyers in every one of their stores, and many e-mail listservs, chat rooms, and message boards are buzzing about the March 26 show.

While most viewings will happen in private homes, activists in dozens of cities–from Anchorage to Austin to Biddeford, Maine–are holding public viewing events. In Ann Arbor, for example, a public viewing will be held in an organic-brew pub. In Buffalo, N. Y., environmental and labor leaders will stage a public showing and will use it as an opportunity to recognize three local whistleblowers battling pollution and environmental injustice. And in San Francisco, where breast cancer rates are among the highest in the country, Mayor Willie Brown, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, and Sen. Barbara Boxer will all watch the show at the public library.

Eventually, the coalition hopes to harness the public outcry to push for government regulations and class-action suits against the chemical giants. Some organizers are hoping that Congress finally wakes up and focuses a spotlight on the chemical industry, while others are calling for corporate accountability.

“The American people deserve to know what chemical executives knew and when they knew it,” said Gary Cohen, a leader of the Boston-based Environmental Health Fund and co-coordinator of the group Health Care Without Harm.

Chemical Industry Backlash

In all likelihood, the chemical industry will trudge out familiar responses to Trade Secrets. They will bring in experts to argue the scientific validity of chemical poisoning. They will say, for example, that doses are so low that animals would have to drink 50,000 bathtubs of contaminated water to suffer any harm. But health professionals counter that small doses can have measurable impact in humans, and that people are often more sensitive to toxic substances than test animals. Furthermore, no tests have been done on the cumulative, long-term effects of small doses.

The industry also likes to tell the public that it has changed since the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s, when chemical companies stonewalled every request for information or hint of danger. Of course, major incidents like the debacle over Dursban undermine that claim. Thus, despite millions of dollars of effort over the years, the public ranks the industry next to last in terms of public confidence (trailing only the tobacco industry).

So the chemical industry has essentially abandoned its efforts to change public opinion. As in most industries with health and safety issues, the chemical giants focus instead directly on Congress, where lobbying and campaign contributions are often more effective ways to wage their battle. Their goal is a simple one: to make sure that no laws would ever require them to perform health and safety testing for the compounds they produce.

Clearly, they have been totally successful thus far. But the time may be ripe for change. Polls show public sentiment is increasingly anti-corporate. According to a recent Business Week poll, 82 percent of the public feels that corporations wield too much power. According to a recent Roper poll, half the population feels that environmental regulations haven’t gone far enough.

With the chemical industry at the bottom of the public’s “good corporate citizen” list, a critical mass of citizens may soon come together to fight back.

From the March 22-28, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Kenneth Cleaver

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