Zep Now!

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11.14.07

Once the greatest, always the greatest? I felt this about the Ramones when I saw them on their 1996 Adios Amigos Tour, and again about the Rolling Stones when I caught their 1997 Bridges to Babylon tour. Now, it’s Led Zeppelin, but not due to any single kick-ass show. It’s the sheer snowballing weight of current Zeppelin quasi-events that makes them once again the Biggest Band on the Planet.

For starters, Nov. 13 saw the release of Mothership, a new two-disc set that’s the best Zeppelin best-of yet. But so what? Mothership has no new material, and these rock standards have been heard 85 billion times an hour for the last 500 years—or so. More newsworthy is the same day’s official release of the entire Zeppelin catalogue to digital markets. The availability on iTunes of The Complete Led Zeppelin, a 16-“disc” set that sells for $99.99, is notable for its legality and low price.

Why did Zeppelin hold out for so long, only to settle their digital rights for a mere $60 million, 10-year re-signing deal with publishing giant Warner/Chappell Music? That’s just $2 million a year for the three surviving band members. Surely, they make more annually on karaoke royalties. Zeppelin’s exclusive deal with the Verizon network for MP3 ringtones is also a yawn (I used “Black Dog” as my ringtone on an old Nokia for years, even if it did sound like Pac Man).

The biggest performance news is what the band aren’t doing. Reunion tour rumors roared when the band agreed to reunite in London for a Nov. 26 tribute concert to Atlantic Records maverick Ahmet Ertegun. But then guitarist Jimmy Page broke one of his little Satan-blessed fingers, delaying their one sure concert until Dec. 10. Vocalist Robert Plant insists there won’t be a tour, but everyone else, including Page, seems to think 2008 dates are possible. The site GoTickets.com is already promoting dates that don’t yet exist.

This accumulation of details starts to add up. We’ve heard small rumblings of Zep glory during the past year, from Page’s work with Jerry Lee Lewis on “Rock and Roll” on the Killer’s 2006 duets disc Last Man Standing, to Plant’s recent cameo on Goin’ Home: A Tribute to Fats Domino, to Ann Wilson of Heart de-sexing “Immigrant Song” on her new disc Hope & Glory. The clearest signpost of Zep’s 2007 greatness is Led Zeppelin: The Ride, a roller coaster designed with the band’s input that debuted this June at the Hard Rock Park in Myrtle Beach, S.C.

Legal downloads, concerts that aren’t happening and well-designed roller coasters are suddenly the foundation of revered longevity. But the deep layers of Zeppelin news really pay off with two recent discs, the White Stripes Icky Thump and the Robert Plant and Alison Krauss collaboration Raising Sand. Jack White’s alt duo is today’s hottest act, and he’s always worn his Zeppelin/Page influence on his sleeve, both as a producer and a guitarist. Icky Thump is dense, chaotic and open, making sure we get this well-documented connection.

Raising Sand is almost a country record. Krauss is a darling of both traditional bluegrass and alt-country crowds, and the disc features sweet material by Mel Tillis, Townes Van Zandt and the Everly Brothers. But the ethereal and solid edges belong to Plant, with the purest singing (i.e., non-banshee) vocals of his career.

Finally, the true indicator that Led Zeppelin are again the Kings of Rock is the release of the sure-fire blockbuster movie Beowulf this Friday. It’s the fifth film in the last decade to be based on the profound, enigmatic Anglo-Saxon epic myth. Why does this mean Led Zeppelin is currently great? Come on—if you’ve read this far, you know why.

This Zep news is all real, and they really are the Greatest Band of All Time.

Now 68, Coe could easily rest on his back catalogue of hits, which actually includes quite a few tender odes—Johnny Cash did a great version of “Would You Lay with Me (In a Field of Stone)”—but he’s still active, recently recording a country-metal collaboration with the Texas metal band Pantera, who have long been accused, as bad luck would have it, of also being closet racists. It’ll be interesting to see if Coe is ever inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame, and if so, whether or not he’ll get the same sort of mixed reaction that faced director and House Un-American Activities Committee cooperator Elia Kazan when he took the podium in 1999 to accept a Lifetime Achievement Oscar.

Coe’s career magnifies the exact question that underlined Kazan’s big moment: What’s more important, the man or the artist? The hundreds of contributions to country music, or the one ugly stain? And how widely do we separate the two?

That is, of course, except for the Ramones and the Rolling Stones.


News Brief

11.14.07

Spilling it Forward

Oil-soaked birds being carefully cleaned by human volunteers are just the beginning. The 58,000 gallons of bunker oil dumped into the waters of San Francisco Bay on Nov. 7 when the container ship the Cosco Busan smashed into the Bay Bridge is more than a one-time spill; it’s a long-term traumatic jolt to an already environmentally stressed region, says Mark Holmes of the Bay Institute.

“The [San Francisco] Bay is part of a much larger estuary that is a very fragile coastal ecosystem,” Holmes explains. “This is the worst possible place for an oil spill of this nature to occur.”

The timing’s also poor. Dungeness crabs are migrating. Herring are spawning—or would be if the water weren’t fouled up. The rains will start soon, and all the crud that has built up on local roadways will be washed directly into the Bay.

Fall is also the avian migratory season, when birds of all types trek to the Bay Area, either staying for a few months or simply stopping for a few days to eat and refuel before pressing on to a destination farther south. Those traveling fowl will be eating large quantities of food, which means large amounts of oil toxins.

“It’s the worst time of the year for the birds,” Holmes notes. “The birds would prefer that this happened in July—they wouldn’t be here.”

The oil has spread as far out to sea as the Farallon Islands, is already present in San Pablo Bay and has crept up the coastline to Stinson Beach and Bolinas Lagoon.

Clams, oysters and other mollusks eat by filtering water—which under the current conditions, means absorbing oil toxins. If they survive, birds, fish or even humans will eat them, thereby passing the toxins up the food chain and poisoning the ecosystem.

Holmes says some birds will sicken and die later on. Others will be unable to reproduce or their immune systems will be compromised. And while the oil may be contained to a certain area, the critters aren’t. Mollusks, fish and birds can travel to other regions, bringing the impact of the oil spill with them.

Conventional wisdom predicts that, based on spills of similar magnitude, it will take two to three years for this area to recover.

“That presumes that there are no similar kinds of insults to the system within the three-year period as these toxins work their way through the system,” Holmes says thoughtfully.

“If it’s over in two or three years, we’d be grateful.—Br


Lost and Found

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11.14.07

Jason Robert Brown’s The Last Five Years first appeared off Broadway in 2002 and immediately catapulted into the musical consciousness of the theater world, becoming one of the most beloved new musicals around. That it has done so with very few people actually seeing it is truly amazing, its rise to the top fueled almost entirely by the bestselling 2002 original cast recording.

The Last Five Years came to my attention a few years ago when local songstress Kelly Brandeberg (now finding her own way in New York City) sang some of the show’s songs at a benefit concert in Rohnert Park. One song in particular, “I’m Still Hurting” (which opens the play), instantly struck me with its detailed intimacy and unconventional musical phrasing. The more I learned about the play, the more I was intrigued.

It contains just two actors (two-person musicals have since become all the rage) and is staged forward and backward at the same time, with a young gentile actress named Cathie lamenting the end of her marriage and then moving back in time toward the first date, as her Jewish writer husband, Jamie, begins at the first date and then sings his way through to the last goodbye. What a great idea! I eventually picked up a copy of the soundtrack, and have been waiting ever since for the opportunity to see the show performed live onstage. Finally, last weekend, at Santa Rosa’s Sixth Street Playhouse, I saw The Last Five Years, directed by the great Ken Sonkin.

Boy, am I disappointed.

For one thing, the microphones used by the actors produced a mushy, unclear sound that made it hard to hear the lyrics, especially during the more up-tempo pieces like Jamie’s opening song, “Shiksa Goddess,” or the pivotal Christmas-time romp “The Schmuel Song.” Lyrics this good deserve to be heard without so much effort on the part of the audience. While Jason Robert Brown’s music—a lyrically dense blend of rock, pop, jazz and Broadway—is not easy to sing, it’s not exactly Wagner, or even Stephen Sondheim.

At the performance I saw, Robert K. Dornaus III as Jamie was off-key at least a quarter of the time, and Alice Grindling, as Cathie, had some noticeable pitch issues that one assumes would have been worked out long ago. This is especially surprising given that the show, with the same cast and director, ran for several weeks last spring at the Sonoma County Repertory Theater. If this were the opening weekend of the show, a bit of musical unsteadiness could be forgiven, but after six weeks at the Rep (even factoring in a five-month hiatus), this stuff should be nailed down.

Those few pitch problems aside, Grindling is quite good, convincingly aching, hoping and falling in love with Jamie (in that order), as he becomes too famous for his insecure, less successful actress wife. For this material to work, for the marriage and its disintegration to be believable, both actors must convey equal portions of blame and complicity in the couple’s relationship problems. The actors playing Jamie and Cathie must be well-balanced, which they are not in this production. If only Dornaus were as strong an actor as Grindling, the dramatic tension might be better balanced between the two characters.

As it stands, Grinding, a more experienced performer, seriously outmatches Dornaus, turning Cathie into a charismatic powerhouse who deserves much better than the flaky, lightweight creep who can’t keep his dick in his pants that Dornaus portrays Jamie to be. To be fair, when Dornaus is on—as in his spot-on pantomime of a thrilled first-time writer signing books at a bookstore—he is quite entertaining.

Hardly a flop, the show, directed by the always masterful Ken Sonkin, is meticulously thought-out and beautifully staged, with a five-piece string and piano quintet under the capable direction of Lucas Sherman, gorgeously half-silhouetted at the rear of a set made of a few pieces of furniture and two windows, as simple and delicate as a haiku. If the show had sounded as good as it looked, I’d be recommending it more highly; as it stands, theater fans eager to see a valiant attempt at something different will appreciate what is being attempted. For everyone else, well, the original cast album is on sale everywhere.

‘The Last Five Years’ runs Friday&–Sunday through Dec. 1. Friday&–Saturday at 8pm; Sunday at 2pm. Also, Nov. 15 and 29 at 8pm. Sixth Street Playhouse, 52 W. Sixth St., Santa Rosa. $14&–$30. 707.523.4185..


Museums and gallery notes.

Reviews of new book releases.

Reviews and previews of new plays, operas and symphony performances.

Reviews and previews of new dance performances and events.

Captured Chaos

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11.14.07

One night in 1993, I ran into Tim Armstrong walking down an alley in downtown Petaluma, pasting up stickers for his new band, Rancid, who were playing one of their first shows that night at the Phoenix Theater. We walked together down to the Petaluma River, sat on the docks and talked for a while. He was excited about Rancid, but our conversation kept turning back to his old band, Operation Ivy, and I discerned a glow as he discussed what he called “the two best years of my life.”

For a band that broke up right when their only full-length album, Energy, was released, Operation Ivy occupy a special place in the hearts of the 1 million people who have since bought, obsessed over and internalized the East Bay band’s music. Part of it is the band’s unique sound—a raw, bristling progenitor to hundreds of overcommercialized ska-punk bands—but half of the attraction undoubtedly lies in their dense lyrics, spat out in rapid-fire syncopation by machine-gun vocalist Jesse Michaels. Energy practically demands to be memorized; to this day, I can still sing along to its approximately 2,524 words.

While there’s probably an illicit source for Michaels’ prolific verbiage (one of my long-lost possessions is a sheet of paper with his handwritten suggestions for band names, all of them references to methamphetamine), it’s impossible to deny his jagged attack and poetic optimism. Channeled into songs about the perils of mass consumption, personal desensitization, media distraction, sexual braggadocio and urban distrust, Michaels gives voice to the entire experience of youth in 19 different chapters: the album could very well be called This Fucked Up World and How to Survive It.

Kevin Army, Operation Ivy’s engineer and producer, recalls a great ease in Energy’s recording sessions, especially since the band had essentially rehearsed for a year by trying to record the album live at the famed Gilman Street Project, the band’s home venue. On the first day in the studio, the band banged out basic tracks—bass, drums and guitar—for all 19 songs, live, in the same room, with no headphones, an approach relatively unheard of these days. “I really thought they were the greatest thing ever,” Army says now, 20 years later. “Chaotic, but I mean, if you just capture that chaos appropriately, that’s what it’s all about for a record like that.”

With a paltry recording budget of just $1,200, Army had to work quickly, “just blasting through the tracks like they would do live,” keeping the energy up and the band focused. “I remember the biggest run-in,” Army laughs, “was they wanted to have those shouting gang ‘Oi!’ vocals on every song. I told them they sounded like they were trying to be the Village People, in order to humiliate them into not doing that on every song.”

It apparently worked, as there’s an unparalleled in-the-moment urgency throughout what would be the band’s self-written epitaph. Sometimes this urgency overtook the band, resulting in unhinged live performances further loosened by the presence of audience members onstage. Most of the time, it boiled just beneath the surface, propelling song after song.

Another believer was Larry Livermore, who saw one of Operation Ivy’s earliest shows and immediately approached them to make a record. His record label, Lookout Records, wasn’t even off the ground yet, but the impact the band had was undeniable. “The only explanation I can give for sort of ‘knowing’ they were destined for greatness,” he says now, “was the impact of that first live show I saw at Gilman, the way the crowd just went crazy and took over the stage to sing along with everything—and this was when the band was barely three months old.”

Just a few months later, Livermore was at Lookout’s distribution warehouse restocking copies of Operation Ivy’s EP, Hectic, when he mentioned to a worker there that the band was “going to be one of those bands like the Dead Kennedys or the Ramones or Minor Threat, who just keep on getting bigger years and years after the fact.” This was a bold claim at the time for a tiny East Bay punk band, and as Livermore tells it, the worker not only “howled with laughter,” but took it upon himself to tell everyone else in the warehouse of Livermore’s ridiculous boast.

“I said the same thing to the band members themselves,” says Livermore, adding that years later, the band members told him, “We thought you were crazy. But you were right.”

Operation Ivy only existed from 1987 to 1989, but logged nearly 200 shows. In an inspired moment of resourcefulness, a nationwide tour was completed by packing five people, plus equipment, into and onto a ’69 Chrysler Newport sedan. The band also routinely played the North Bay: the Healdsburg Boys & Girls Club, the Cotati Cabaret, a tiny building at Ninth and Wilson streets in Santa Rosa and at Guerneville’s River Theater (legend tells of a last-minute billing change when Psychefunkapus, now a forgotten embarrassment, refused to open for a “fucking punk band”). For a while, it was almost impossible not to see Operation Ivy.

And still, I will never forget the one-two punch of buying Energy and immediately discovering that Operation Ivy had broken up, playing a final show at Gilman to an overcrowded throng twice the venue’s legal capacity. I was barely 13, too young to go to shows, and it made me hate being young approximately 70 percent more than I already hated it—which is to say, quite a lot. Fittingly, listening to Energy over and over helped me eventually savor the venom of being young more than I ever could have imagined.

Energy went on to become a flagship album, just as Livermore and Army predicted. And though a young opening band at Operation Ivy’s last show called Green Day would go on to become the face of the East Bay punk rock scene for the rest of the world, Operation Ivy would forever remain its soul.

After a yearlong hibernation, Energy is back in print this week on Armstrong’s own Hellcat Records. There’re no bonus tracks, no remastering or special features—in fact, the booklet is plainly scanned and reprinted from the previous edition. None of this really matters, because Energy can stand on its own without any extemporaneous propping up, and it will be no surprise when this reissue gets discovered by another million kids.


Sink Works

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11.14.07

You don’t realize how indispensable a kitchen sink is until it stops working. Our faucet was running fine, but some mysterious, vile obstruction lodged itself deeply in the drain. After an enthusiastic plunging failed to stir its bowels, a pool of water remained in the sink, gurgling lazily but defiantly.

The timing was not good. I was in the middle of testing angel food cake recipes for an article with a pressing deadline, and setting the task aside for another more free-flowing day was not possible.

Angel food cake, even when baked by an impeccable neatnik, is a dish-intensive preparation, one that leaves precariously stacked towers of sugar-sticky stainless steel utensils—bowls, sifters, whisks, measuring cups—in its wake. These I washed with incredible ineffectiveness in our backyard, using a garden hose.

Thankfully, our trusty electric stand mixer functioned just fine, beating several batches of egg whites to soft peaks with ease. Angel food cake did not appear on the horizon of American baking until the latter half of the 19th century, around the same time the first patents for rotary eggbeaters were granted. Anyone who has ever whipped a dozen egg whites by hand understands that this is no coincidence. One of the sources I ran across during my angel food research suggested that, in those dark days before eggbeaters, the task of whipping the whites was assigned to slaves. Before wire whisks were commonplace, they attacked the egg whites with primitive bundles of sticks or brushes for an hour or so.

While our nation can’t manage the time to cook from scratch now at home, the irony is that a few centuries ago, homemakers had time for nothing but. If a fair chunk of your life was not devoted to the laborious raising, gathering, processing and preparation of food, you didn’t eat, or you ate very crudely. New technologies have both brought us closer to, and distanced us further from, the food we cook.

Hosing down dirty dishes in the backyard, I felt more like a buffoon than a 21st-century Laura Ingalls Wilder. But there was comfort in sensing the temporary nature of the setback, and in knowing that with the turn of a knob our oven would be 350 degrees Fahrenheit, and that in our refrigerator there was romaine lettuce imported from Mexico and leftover pizza and several different types of gourmet mustard for us to eat at our leisure, and that if worse came to worse, we could always use the carton of lowfat milk and make a box of off-brand macaroni and cheese with minimal effort.

Ah, the refrigerator. Messily tiled with novelty magnets and notes to family members and clipped coupons, it is as much a fixture of display as it is a major appliance, and its indispensable role in our day-to-day eating habits is a thing to which we give nary a second thought, until the power goes out and the Fudgesicles liquefy.

“To many people, electric refrigeration is still such a novelty that they scarcely realize the range of its possibilities,” assures Electric Refrigerator Recipes and Menus, a cookbook published by General Electric in 1927, the same year the company released the million-selling Monitor Top fridge; the book is dedicated to “the modern American Homemaker.”

That anyone would need assistance using a refrigerator is preposterous to us now—you, like, put stuff in it and it, like, keeps that stuff cold—but to a cook who depended on huge blocks of ice slowly melting in sawdust to keep her food from spoiling, the concept of refrigeration at a stable temperature was a revelation in itself. Half of the dishes in Electric Refrigerator Recipes and Menus are chilled aspics and frozen desserts, reminding those lucky refrigerator owners that cold gelatin and frosty ice cream were no longer inconvenient luxuries.

For every new kitchen technology, there is a cookbook. Musician Fred Waring brought the Waring Blendor (spelled thus perhaps to evoke “splendor”) to the masses in 1938, and though he knew it would make great milkshakes and daiquiris, he wanted to expand its potential. He hired home-economics consultant Mabel Stegner, who with her staff developed 1952’s Electric Blender Recipes, which offers “519 ways to make your electric blender the most versatile piece of equipment in your kitchen.” Of those 519, only five are for smoothies (or, as Electric Blender Recipes terms them, “smoothees”). However, if you choose to make scrapple, tongue mousse, Swedish meat ring or “convalescent’s main courses,” the cookbook will serve you well.

It is highly doubtful that the common household electric blender—Waring’s is still an icon—plays anything more than a rare cameo role in savory main-dish preparation. Yes, it can make pesto, hollandaise or hummus, but most of us usually only trot our blenders out for smoothies and margaritas.

The shelves of used bookstores groan under the weight of microwave cookbooks, such as The Microwave Guide & Cookbook (once again, a General Electric publication, with its first edition appearing in 1977). There is something both quaint and naïve in its late 1970s food styling and its optimistically broad range of recipes, such as ambitious preparations for ripe olive risotto or pecan sponge roll. Back then, microwaves were full of timesaving potential, but we have since wised up; probably the most intensive cooking we do in microwaves now, outside of popping popcorn and thawing frozen dinners, is melting butter. The Microwave Guide & Cookbook, for all its valiant effort, ultimately did not convince us that microwaves are anything more than big boxes for reheating leftovers.

When I’m not washing dishes in the backyard, I work at an upscale cookware store. We sell our share of Le Creuset enameled cast-iron coquottes and clad stainless steel sauté pans, whose features change subtly but whose concept and practicality are fairly timeless.

But we also sell electronics such as rice cookers, crêpe griddles, chocolate fountains and bread machines. You can make rice, crêpes, melted chocolate and bread without the aid of specialty electronic devices, but we still live in an age where the imagined ease of automatic preparation will convert our dreary nights of Netflix-watching into a wonderland of fluffy pilafs and butter-kissed crêpes Suzette. And while some bread machine owners may love waking up to the aroma of freshly baked loaves wafting through their hallways, this sort of flaccid, trend-driven technology tends to lose its sheen after a few years, achieving little in the long run except cluttering our cupboards and populating our future garage sales.

I have a Cuisinart food processor, which makes quick work of slicing vegetables or grating cheese. It’s also a pain to clean, with its dangerously sharp and menacingly shaped blade, and its five-too-many plastic attachments. When all’s said and done, I can use my knife just as quickly to slice the potatoes for mygratin—unless, of course, I use my stainless steel mandoline, which is stored inaccessibly behind a pile of cake pans in the most infuriating cupboard in our house. Though I enjoy owning them, neither the presence of the Cuisinart nor the mandoline has revitalized my own home culinary scene.

I wonder if such skepticism greeted the first refrigerators early in the last century, if cynics clung to their unwieldy blocks of sawdust ice, griping dismissively, until the ice man threw in his tongs, driven out of business by GE’s chilly army of Monitor Tops. Such a scenario is, to me, unimaginable, as is the inevitable advent of the next kitchen technology to come along, promising to change our lives forever. Perhaps it will be energy-driven, the downsizing of boxy refrigerators and inefficient conventional ovens to conserve our ill-gained, shrinking reserves of coal and oil. Doubtlessly, a cookbook will come in tow. George Forman grills, induction cooktops, Margaritaville blenders, Sub-Zero freezers—ultimately they’re all versions of the same thing: fire and ice. Make food hot, then keep it cool.

The plumber eventually came and unclogged our kitchen drain. By then, the angel food cakes were baked and half-eaten, the golden crumb of their exteriors growing gummy under their Saran Wrap tents, just the way I like them. I took a frosty bottle of beer from the refrigerator, dipped a corn chip into a plastic tub of salsa and contemplated the mountain-fresh idyll of hauling our water in wooden buckets from a burbling brook, as clear and cool as glass.

I washed some dishes in the sink, then emptied out the strainer, wishing all the while that we had a garbage disposal.

Quick dining snapshots by Bohemian staffers.

Winery news and reviews.

Food-related comings and goings, openings and closings, and other essays for those who love the kitchen and what it produces.

Recipes for food that you can actually make.

Wine Tasting Room of the Week

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Unable to answer their calling in their homeland, the pilgrims voyaged west for a better life. On the coast of the New World, they learned from friendly natives how to plant the local crops. After a few seasons of hard work, their harvests were bountiful, and they throve.

I’m still, of course, talking about Texans.

Lately you can’t swing a dead grape without hitting some Texan in the wine business. An invasion? Nope. They have come to adopt the indigenous way of life and pay tribute to the local god, Dionysus. They are escaping the tyranny of “dry” counties, and less-than-ideal climatic conditions for vinifera, too. (If there are outstanding examples that demonstrate otherwise, please send me samples care of this paper.) Yes, there’s wine in Texas, but California is—to borrow from Lone Star son Dan Rather—the big enchilada. They must be as happy as gophers in soft dirt, and I can’t think of a Texas transplant who isn’t a producer of primo vino. You wouldn’t say, for example, that Susie Selby is all hat and no Cabernet—and her Chardonnay is excellent, too. Siduri’s manic Adam Lee makes more small lots of Pinot than Austin turns out bands, and Mac McDonald is clearly realizing his Burgundian vision.

Joining them to build his vineyard on a hill is retired orthodontist Al McWilliams and family. For now, their tasting room on Westside Road is a stand-alone (Arista shares winery space at Moshin). The scene doesn’t scream Texas. The baby vines of the future estate vineyard are spaced a petite one meter apart and a Japanese architect designed the unique building and naturalistic landscaping and picnic area, set on a picturesque rocky knoll overlooking the Russian River Valley.

Nothing big about the wine list: three style-driven, focused wines. The dry, Alsatian-style 2006 Anderson Valley Gewürztraminer ($24) is light on the spice, with floral and pineapple aromas. Like a sexed-up Sauvignon Blanc, its crisp acidity is rounded out with a hint of cream. Vanilla, cocoa and spice enhance the classic, cranberry astringency of the 2006 Russian River Valley Pinot Noir ($40), while candied cherry with vanilla and clove introduce the similar 2006 Sonoma County Pinot Noir ($30). Rhubarb pie also comes to mind.

Speaking of food, I like their mannerly tasting notes. While acknowledging that the wine is pleasant by itself, they suggest pairing it with a pork tenderloin dish, just “possibly glazed with a cherry reduction sauce.” And the staff was in good humor, for it being closing time at the end of an unusually hectic day. It so happened that all the McWilliams were away at the hospital, greeting their first brand new Californian born in their adopted land.

Arista Winery, 7015 Westside Road, Healdsburg. Tasting room open daily, 11am to 5pm. Free. 707.473.0606.



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The Liquidator

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11.14.07

So, the Hannah Montana tour finally came to the HP Pavilion, ending not only the begging and pleading by tweenage girls desperate to go to the show, but also the moaning and groaning of parents who are still sore about the ticket prices. Face value for most tickets was less than $100, but according to StubHub, an online ticket marketplace owned by eBay, the average selling price was $249, with the most expensive single ticket selling for $2,565.

Me? I casually turned down two second-row tickets selling at face value on the day of the show. They were easy to find with the help of a friendly “ticket retailer” named Alex.

Alex is the guy who sells tickets just outside of a show. Many would call him a scalper, but he insists that what he does is different.

“I say, ‘No, I’m a retailer, sir,'” says Alex, who asked that his last name not be used. “I know where my tickets came from, I know they’ll get you in the door and they’re also good seats. You’re paying for the service, versus some scalper.

“The fact of the matter is,” he says, “it’s a kind of scummy business to be in, but I try to put it in perspective for people.” By which, of course, he means people who get angry about brokers buying up tickets. “I say, ‘Oh man, I went to New York City, and they bought up all the land! They didn’t even save any for me!'”

Here’s another real estate metaphor: He’ll sell you tickets for the price he paid for them, if you’ll sell him your house for the price you paid for it. And like some houses, some tickets depreciate in value, too.

The justifications for his profession are many, and so are the methods by which Alex procures his tickets, because in the $2 billion secondary market for tickets, he explains, there are “many different angles and loopholes and weaknesses that people exploit” to get the tickets you want before you can.

Why You Can’t Get Tickets

Unbeknownst to the average ticket buyer, many of a concert’s tickets are spoken for before they even go on sale. Some ticket brokers even own their own season tickets, which they can resell as a ticket to a particular show long before the tickets have gone on sale. The remaining seats are picked over by the promoter of the show, fan clubs, the venue itself, group sales and, if the promoter dictates, pre-sale auctions.

What’s left goes on sale to the general public, and this is the part where feelings get hurt. Popular shows like Hannah Montana literally sell out in a matter of minutes through Ticketmaster’s many channels, including retail locations, phone orders and online orders. So why, when the dust settles after tickets sell out in minutes, are you left empty-handed while online ticket brokers have immediately posted thousands of tickets for sale at premium prices?

Some people insist that Ticketmaster is conspiring with the brokers to extract more money from the public.”

I would like to know how, within 20 seconds of a show going on sale, I could not find any seats together at any price at this event,” complains one disgruntled Ticketmaster customer. “However, there are gobs of them for sale on many different scalper sites. How is this possible and why is this tolerated? The only explanation for this is that people inside TM are in cahoots with these criminals.”

Unsurprisingly, the computerized ticket ordering system is vulnerable to hacking, and Ticketmaster says the brokers are using software to “cut in line.” At Ticketmaster’s behest, a federal judge in Los Angeles recently ordered a company called RMG to “stop creating, trafficking in, or facilitating the use of computer programs that allow its clients to circumvent the protection systems in the Ticketmaster.com website.”

In the legal paperwork, Ticketmaster avers that “RMG has not denied that its programs were used by two admitted clients to block public access and thereby acquire tickets to highly sought-after ‘Hannah Montana’ events. . . . One RMG customer alone recently placed about 9,500 orders to purchase almost 24,000 tickets using RMG’s technology.”

But even if Ticketmaster implements better security to protect itself against such attacks, that wouldn’t stop tickets from making their way to the secondary market. Brokers are people too, so they still have a right to buy tickets, and reselling them is not illegal in most states (and even where it is illegal, the law is rarely enforced). Even nonprofessionals occasionally cash in by buying an extra set of tickets and reselling them for twice the price, effectively making their tickets free.

As one anonymous broker puts it, “Websites like eBay make it very simple for anyone to sell their concert tickets. History shows us that high prices will continue for any product for which demand is greater than supply. What the enraged public should be bitching about is that the concert promoters don’t plan more performances [increasing supply], so that prices come down according to the normal rules of a capitalist market. Government regulation not necessary, lawsuits not necessary, Timmy’s cryin’ not necessary.”

Economist Doug Campbell, who works at the Federal Reserve Bank of Richmond, Va., responded to a lawsuit brought by Lyn Peraldo, who sued a ticket reseller for charging her $1,050 for four seats, in a recent column posted on his company’s website. “This complaint misses the point,” Campbell argues. “The ticket company didn’t inflate the price; the forces of supply and demand did. . . .The more fundamental issue is that promoters of the Hannah Montana series apparently haven’t priced tickets commensurate with demand, opening the door to a secondary market with much higher prices.

“Campbell suggests an alternative model where seats are auctioned off to the highest bidder—a service already offered by Ticketmaster, but not widely used by the promoters who hire the ticketing giant. Industry insiders speculate that more promoters will start using auctions as a means of capturing some of the money that would otherwise go to ticket resellers.

In the meantime, according to ticket professionals like Alex, “Don’t wake up early on Sunday morning [to get tickets], because you don’t have a chance.”

Perishable Goods

I showed up at the HP Pavilion at 2pm on Sunday, exactly two hours before the Miley Cyrus (aka Hannah Montana) “Best of Both Worlds” show was scheduled to begin. I waited to meet with Alex, who was driving down from up north to take his tickets “on the walk.” He was dressed casually in a plain black jacket and a baseball hat, and explained that he likes to keep a low profile. He looked for and often spotted plainclothes cops.

“My angle is, 19 out of 20 times, I’ll be able to get you a ticket that is better than you could ever even lay your hands on—for face value or less,” says Alex. “That one time out of 20, I gotta pop ya—the market is what the market is.”

He says the eight tickets he sold made the trip down from San Francisco worth his while; he wouldn’t tell me how much he sold them for, but more important was knowing how he got them. Some he simply buys, from Ticketmaster or StubHub or from brokers. Some he gets himself by sheer diligence; Ticketmaster often releases more tickets to sold-out shows without warning. But mostly he gets tickets from brokers.

“I’m basically a liquidator,” Alex explains. “Tickets are a perishable good, and those ticket brokers, when they buy, they do everything they can to sell those tickets, but they get stuck sometimes. I have found a way to monetize those seemingly dead tickets.

“We watch as 14 girls poured out of a stretched limo in midscream and midstride, screaming and running towards the Pavilion. As the lines dwindle and the show finally begins, Alex introduces me to David, another ticket seller. I had seen him earlier chatting with cops, talking on his cell phone and spending time at the ticket booth, but had no idea that he was buying 90 tickets at face value, all of which he sold before 4pm. He said the insane demand was caused by the promoter, who simply didn’t release enough advance tickets.

David and Alex urged me to go see for myself, so I walked up to the ticket booth to find out if I could still get a pair of tickets. The woman in the booth quoted me the price: $116 each, for second-row seats. I felt a brief rush—the one you get for being in the right place at the right time. Then I just walked away, little girls’ shrieks still echoing in my head.


Letters to the Editor

11.14.07

Pastoral-progressive

No doubt, the vegans came out of the woodwork, inundating you good people with inflamed retorts to Clark Wolf and the bait laid for us (“Heritage for the Holidays,” Napkin Notes, Nov. 7). Here’s one more. Save these special birds—by killing them? That is, by paying a little more to outsource the killing-plucking-gutting to someone with a smaller flock, someone who hosts 4-H tours, someone who’s pitching a fresher and more progressive fantasy about America’s pastoral good ol’ days?

As Wolf notes, “stewardship of our Eden” does require a thoughtful balance between the needs of self and the needs of others, but nature’s self/other distinction is pretty fuzzy. Nature is us: turkeys, slaughterhouse workers, waterways fouled with manure, even the E. coli and salmonella hitting the headlines with every frozen-crap recall. I like the Slow Food movement and Mr. Wolf’s promotion thereof, but why can’t we take the next logical step down the food chain here? Because meat tastes good? Because your mama made it?

Is that all you’ve got?

Anyone who can cook worth a damn will be giving thanks this holiday for side dishes and gravy anyway. And I’m confident that the plants on my plate—be they heirloom, organic, shaped like a can, whatever—weren’t scurrying away or shrieking before the man came around.

Jason Weaver

Guerneville

Would someone please explain to Jason where gravy comes from?

Stage review prompts letter!!!

I read David Templeton’s review of Loading Zone’s Macbeth (“Fair Is Foul,” Nov. 7), and I couldn’t agree more. I was at the 9pm show on Halloween knowing I couldn’t make it through the midnight show. It was truly an amazing production. If you see only one production this month, it must be Macbeth at the Loading Zone.

Holly Vinson

Santa Rosa

North Bay corp.’s other sides

Do you know that North Bay Corporation is involved in the development of a solid-waste landfill in a pristine foothill area of southwestern Colusa County (“Again and Again,” the Green Zone, Aug. 8)? The proposed landfill will be in four steep canyons, with watershed that flows down into the creeks that cross Sacramento Valley and into the Colusa Basin and then to the Sacramento River. There are also seismic faults within 200 feet (less than a football field length) of the landfill. Additionally, this landfill is in an area that is exclusively agricultural.

North Bay Corporation formed a subsidiary, Cortina Landfill Company, to be the developer/manager. North Bay, one subsidiary of the Ratto Group of Companies Inc., also has options to buy 50 percent of Earthworks Industries Inc., a venture company in Canada whose subsidiary, Cortina Integrated Waste Management Inc., has the lease on 423 acres of a 640-acre rancheria, the lands of the Cortina Band of Wintun Indians.

Sure, North Bay can recycle, but they don’t mind destroying a pristine environment to gain more dumping ground.

Vernette Marsh

Davis

Puff Puff

I am an on-and-off-again smoker. I can’t seem to quit but can’t smoke steadily, either. [Regarding the outdoor smoking ban in Santa Rosa], car exhaust causes about the same health problems that secondhand smoke causes: asthma, bronchitis, blah blah blah, but a lot more than 20 percent of Santa Rosa is addicted to their automobiles, so the largest group of monkeys wins and gets to feel self-righteous. We sure sent the message across about how strongly we feel about public health! Now, when we sit outside at a cafe with our latte or cappuccino, all we have to inhale are carcinogens from burning petroleum, not burning tobacco. Yay! What a pretentious joke. If people were really concerned about public health, we’d all have healthcare.

Evan Swan

Santa Rosa


Hopping to It

0

11.14.07

The folks behind the upscale pub that took over the Sebastopol Brewing Co. in downtown Sebastopol two weeks ago have been playing it close to the vest regarding plans for their new venture. So close, in fact, that they haven’t spilled any information other than to confirm that, yes, it will be an independent operation from Dean Biersch, co-founder of the Gordon-Biersch brewery chain, and that it will be called the Hopmonk Tavern.

Most importantly, after quite a bit of badgering, they additionally spilled that, despite local grumbles that a corporate behemoth might be landing in the little west Sonoma County town, those rumors are not true. Instead, as Biersch’s first enterprise after leaving the Gordon-Biersch empire last December, it will be a locals-friendly bar and bistro, showcasing handcrafted beers made by small, independent and traditional brewers.

There’s no guarantee, however, that those brewers will be from Northern California (which would seem to be an obvious choice, seeing as Biersch lives in Sonoma). Earlier unconfirmed reports indicate that the theme may instead be European, with some smaller U.S. producers tossed in the mix. Plans for a formal Biersch announcement are promised next week. Perhaps. “There’s been a lot of speculation,” says a Biersch spokeswoman, regarding the buzz on the street. “But we are in the process of solidifying the details.” Stay tuned.

The (pub formerly known as) Sebastopol Brewing Co., 230 Petaluma Ave., Sebastopol. www.hopmonk.com.

Quick dining snapshots by Bohemian staffers.

Winery news and reviews.

Food-related comings and goings, openings and closings, and other essays for those who love the kitchen and what it produces.

Recipes for food that you can actually make.

It’s a Wonderful Life

0

the arts | visual arts |

Sizzle: Tango Buenos Aires brings on the steam this holiday season.

Compiled by Cristina Wilson

Experiential” gifts are all the rage, the giving of an experience rather than a bauble to a loved one more popular than ever. And while we are certainly the last to deny the pleasures of African photo safari or submarine dining off the coast of Tahiti, the regular rounds of community life at the holidays have their own experiential splendor. Taking the kids every year to the Sonoma Mission for the candlelight songs and then to the movies; attending the Hospice Light Up a Life ceremony; seeing Santa and Mrs. Claus improbably bearing down on the kiddies in a fire engine; buying handmade potholders. We love that stuff. Herewith, we offer our annual list of happenings guaranteed to kick off some experiential pleasures in your holiday season.

Bring on the Figgy Pudding: Events

Holiday in Carneros South Napa comes alive at the annual Holiday in Carneros Open House to benefit college scholarships for those planning to study wine. Participating wineries include Ceja, MacRostie, Schug, Buena Vista and many others, with special tastings, live music and other treats. Saturday—Sunday, Nov. 17—18, from 10am to 4pm. $25. For details, go to www.carneroswineries.org.

Festival of Lights Yountville is magnificently illuminated at annual event as Washington Street is closed to traffic—with the exception of horse-drawn buggies—for open-air festival. Caroling costumed characters, dancers and food booths provided by area restaurants complete evening’s glitter. Friday, Nov. 23, from 2pm to 6pm. Downtown Yountville, Washington Street. Free. 707.944.0904.

Heart of Sonoma Open House Heart of Sonoma Valley Association celebrates annual open house festivities with 19 wineries throughout valley opening their doors to benefit the Redwood Empire Food Bank and make holiday shopping all the easier. Wineries include Benziger, Imagery Estate, Kaz Vineyard, Wellington and many others. Friday—Saturday, Nov. 23—24, 11am to 4:30pm. $30 per drinker; $10, designated driver. 866.794.9463.

Parade of Lights Ring in the holiday season with hot apple cider, fresh baked goodies and festive live music. Admire a spectacular light show while tasting the finest wines and ports. Fulfill a child’s dream by donating an unwrapped toy. Look for carolers, Santa, a bonfire and more. All of this is simply known as Geyserville, or at least its incarnation on Friday, Nov. 30, from 5pm to 8:30pm. Free; $5 tasting fee may apply. For more details, go to www.trentadue.com. 888.332.3032.

Zen Fest Now in its fifth year, this fundraiser for the Stone Creek Zen Center focuses on Japanese food and handcrafts, as well as meditation supplies, altar materials and other handicrafts for spirituality. Attendees are encouraged to create a prayer flag for peace. Saturday, Dec. 1, at the Masonic Center. 373 N. Main St., Sebastopol. Free. 707.887.1514.

Holiday B&B Play resident tourist and plan the next weekend getaway when Napa B&Bs open their doors for an open-house holiday tour, replete with winery owners, winemakers, chefs, food pairings, live music and other surprises at each individual inn. Saturday, Dec. 1, from 2pm to 7pm. $45. For list of participating hostelries and treats, go to www.napaholidaytour.com. 707.257.0112

Petaluma Lighted Boat Parade See a flotilla of decorated boats on parade and join in holiday caroling. Saturday, Dec. 1. Parade begins at the Petaluma Marina at 6pm and arrives at the Turning Basin downtown around 7pm. Free. (Pssst: the best place to watch is the launch at Papa’s Taverna.) 707.769.0429.

The Blessing of the Olives The Mission San Francisco Solano de Sonoma is the setting for this ritual, open to the secular world. Music and refreshments, too. Saturday, Dec. 1, 10am. East Spain and First Street East, Sonoma. Free. 707.996.1090.

Luther Burbank Open House Luther Burbank Home and Gardens are open for its annual festive community celebration, themed for the Victorian era and hosted by costumed docents. Tour the decorated Luther Burbank home, enjoy crafts with kids and eat fresh cookies. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2, 10am to 4pm. Luther Burbank Home and Gardens, Santa Rosa and Sonoma avenues, Santa Rosa. Free. 707.524.5445.

Victorian Tea Petaluma Historical Society and Museum holds its annual high English cream tea, replete with dainty sandwiches, scones, fine china and the de rigueur costumed maids. Sunday, Dec. 2. Two seatings, at noon and 3pm. 20 Fourth St., Petaluma. $40. 707.778.4398.

Light Up a Life Hospice helps to honor lives lost with its annual candle- and tree-lighting ceremony. Sunday, Dec. 2, at 6pm: Sonoma Plaza, downtown Sonoma. Friday, Dec. 7, at 7pm: Center Park, the strip of trees outside McNear’s and the Mystic Theatre on Petaluma Boulevard South, Petaluma. Saturday, Dec. 8., at 6pm: Railroad Square, Third Street, downtown Santa Rosa. Events free. 707.778.6242 or 707.568.1094.

Bob Burke’s Christmas Party Help local hero Bob Burke to raise money for his good work giving kids with cancer a bit of a childhood, and help to honor the recently passed Mark Gonnella while enjoying great food and company at Burke’s annual bash. Wednesday, Dec. 5, at the Union Hotel, 3731 Main St., Occidental. 5pm. Admission for the pasta feed and fun is free; please come prepared to make a donation, this year, gracefully accepted by Santa himself. Snoop and Clo on hand, too. 707.887.2222.

Holiday Celebration Downtown Windsor hosts merchant open house with horse-drawn carriages, trolley rides and the Claus family. Santa and the missus arrive to light the tree on the Windsor town green on Thursday, Dec. 6, from 5pm to 8pm. Free. 707.838.1260.

Old-Fashioned Holiday Home Tour Meander through stunning neighborhoods while touring the historic McDonald Avenue district of Santa Rosa. Catch a rare glimpse of a chosen group of charming homes decorated for the holidays. Saturday, Dec. 8, from 10am to 5pm. $55. 707.545.5567.

Christmas at the Mission Light a candle and sing sacred and secular songs in this charming free event for families that combines the holiday spirit with community history. Saturday, Dec. 8, at the Barracks and the Mission San Francisco Solano, Spain Street on the Plaza, Sonoma. Three programs, 5pm, 6pm, 7pm; 5pm is specifically for little ones. Free, but tickets are required. RSVP at 707.938.1519.

Gourmet Stocking Stuffer Walking Tour Explore “hidden” Healdsburg with a hometown guide who will take you to all of the fantastic out-of-the-way places for shopping. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 8—9, at 11am. $30. 707.484.6249. www.healdsburgwalkingtours.com.

You Better Not Pout I’m Telling You Why: Shopping

Gifts ‘n’ Tyme Holiday Faire Now in its 34th year, the fair features 82 booths and home-baked goodies by the greater Napa Valley Lion’s Club. Start your shopping with handmade craft items. Friday—Sunday, Nov. 16—18. Friday, 10am to 7pm; Saturday, 10am to 6pm; Sunday, 10am to 4pm. Napa Valley Exposition, 575 Third St., Napa. Free. 925.372.8961.

Holiday Arts & Crafts Faire Rohnert Park Recreation Department’s annual fair on Thanksgiving weekend. Held indoors at the Community Center, 5401 Snyder Lane, on Friday, Nov. 23, from 10am to 6pm, on Saturday, Nov. 24, from 10am to 4pm. Free admission and parking. 707.588.3456. Dance Palace Holiday Crafts Fair One of our personal favorites, this shopping mecca gathers some 40 high-level craftspeople under one roof for some groovy early-season shopping. Friday—Sunday, Nov. 30—Dec. 2. Friday, 3pm to 9pm; Saturday—Sunday, 10am to 5pm. Dance Palace, Fifth and B streets, Point Reyes Station. Free. 415.663.1075.

December in Calistoga Community Christmas bazaar offers artisan-made art, crafts, jewelry, ornaments and other treats. Santa will also be there for photographic opportunities. Saturday, Dec. 1. Crafts fair, Napa County Fairgrounds, 1435 Oak St., Calistoga. 9am to 4pm. Parade, down Lincoln Avenue, 6pm to 7pm. Both events free. 707.942.4232.

Alexander Valley Ladies Aid Christmas Bazaar Wreaths, cookies, jams, one-of-a-kind handmade items, hand-painted ornaments and decorated gourds and a raffle enliven this one-day crafts fair on Saturday, Dec. 1, from 10am to 2pm. Alexander Valley Church, 6650 Hwy. 128, Healdsburg. Free. 707.433.4504.

Muir Beach Quilters Quilt artists and other artisans gather with handicrafts of all kinds and free activities for the kids. Perfect complement to a day at the beach; free shuttle from Muir Beach parking lot. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2. Saturday, 11am to 5pm; Sunday, 10am to 4pm. Muir Beach Community Center, 19 Seascape Drive. Free. 415.383.6762.

Goddess Crafts Faire Winter solstice Goddess Crafts Faire celebrates handmade gifts by local and regional women, as well as live music, tarot readings and food. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2, 11am to 7pm. Sebastopol Community Center, 390 Morris St. 707.829.3938.

A Dickens of a Holiday Crafts Faire There will be over 60 booths of juried handcrafted goodies, jewelry, household goods, ceramics and lots more. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2. Saturday, 9am to 5pm; Sunday, 10am to 4pm. Finley Community Center, 2060 W. College Ave. Santa Rosa. $2; under 18, free. 707.543.3737.

Holiday Arts & Crafts Boutique The Petaluma Farmers’ Market hosts a holiday arts and crafts boutique with handmade arts and crafts items, hot foods and drinks, baked goods and live entertainment. Great Holiday gift items are for sale on Saturday, Dec. 8, from 10am to 5pm. Hermann Sons Hall, 860 Western Ave., Petaluma. Free. 707.762.0344.

Occidental Holiday Crafts Faire Traditional event showcases diversity of West County with one-of-a-kind crafts and gifts. Santa and the missus are in attendance, and the Faire Cafe is open. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 8—9. Saturday, 10am to 5pm; Sunday, 10am to 4pm. Occidental Community Center, corner of Graton Road and Bohemian Highway. Free. 707.874.9407.

Spirit of the Season Celebration Old School Productions has taken over and revamped the holiday crafts fair and community celebration formerly hosted by the Harmony Fest folks, this year making admission free to the Hall of Flowers Christmas “village” at the Sonoma County Fairgrounds for two days of live holiday music and caroling, unique gift items and Christmas decorations for sale to benefit area schools. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 8—9. Saturday, 10am to 9pm; Sunday, 10am to 7pm. 1350 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa. Free. 707.486.2888.

Away in a Manger:Little Ones

A Winnie-the-Pooh Christmas Tail All the friends of the Hundred Acre Wood make sure that gloomy old Eeyore has a merry holiday. Saturdays, Nov. 17—Dec. 29, at 11am and 1pm. Sonoma County Repertory Theater, 104 N. Main St., Sebastopol. $6—$8.

Santa’s Riverboat Arrival Santa and Mrs. Claus arrive at the Petaluma Riverfront onboard the town’s eponymous tug to greet the children and distribute candy canes followed by a horse-drawn procession through the downtown to kick off the holiday season. Saturday, Nov. 24, at noon. Turning basin, Golden Eagle Shopping Center, on Washington Boulevard, Petaluma. Free. 707.762.9348.707.823.0177.

Alice in Wonderland In this interactive theatrical wonderland, audience members may get a chance to join the Mad Hatter’s tea party or play a spot of croquet. Just hold on to your head! Saturday—Sunday, Nov. 24—25, at 11am; Sunday, also at 2pm. Sebastopol Center for the Arts, 6780 Depot St., Sebastopol. $6—$8. 707.823.4797.

Bay Area Discovery Museum Blizzard of events for the young ones with special activities run almost daily and include Gingerbread Architectural Extravaganza (Nov. 24—25, Dec. 3—4, 8—19, 15—16, 18—23) and The Snow Cat (Dec. 15—17, 27—29). Discovery Museum, Fort Baker, 557 McReynolds Road, Sausalito. $7—$9. 415.927.0960.

Sebastopol Tree Lighting Come see Santa arrive on a fire truck, cookie decorating and musical entertainment when the Sebastopol Area Chamber of Commerce and VNA Hospice Foundation host their annual tree-lighting celebration on Nov. 29 from 5pm to 8pm. Downtown Plaza on the corner of McKinley Street and Petaluma Avenue. Free. 707.823.3032.

It’s a Wonderful Life Cinnabar Young Rep players present a musical version of the heart-warmer in which a man, with the help of an angel, sees how his own place in life greatly affects the fortunes of others. Friday—Sunday, Nov. 30—Dec. 16. Friday—Saturday at 7:30pm; Sunday at 2pm. Cinnabar Theater, 333 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. $10—$16. 707.763.8920.

The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe Four children are relocated from London to a large country house where they discover a wardrobe that serves as an entrance to a magical, snow-covered land in C. S. Lewis’ beloved story, presented by the Sixth Street Playhouse’s student thespians. Friday—Sunday, Dec. 7—22. Friday at 7pm; Saturday—Sunday at 2pm; no performances Dec. 13 and 20. $20. 52 W. Sixth St., Santa Rosa. 707.523.4185.

Christmas at the Mission Light a candle and sing sacred and secular songs in this charming free event for families that combines the holiday spirit with community history. Saturday, Dec. 8, at the Barracks and the Mission San Francisco Solano, Spain Street on the Plaza, Sonoma. Three programs; 5pm is specifically for little ones. Free, but tickets are required. RSVP, 707.938.1519.

Sophie & the Enchanted Toy Shop Marin Dance Theatre presents full-length, two-act children’s ballet in which a magical toymaker whisks young Sophie away to a winter wonderland. A cast of 120 performers includes several special guest artists. Saturday, Dec. 15, at 1pm and 5pm; special Teddy Bear Tea Party after 1pm performance. Marin Center, 10 Avenue of the Flags, San Rafael. $20—$30. 415.499.6800.

Ghosts of Christmas Present: Stage

Tango Buenos Aires Tango Buenos Aires traces the 100-year-old tradition of the sensuous international dance sensation, translating the seductive spirit of Argentina’s soul into passionate movement. Friday, Nov. 23, at 8pm. Marin Center, 10 Avenue of the Flags, San Rafael. $18—$60. 415.499.6800.

A Tuna Christmas It’s Christmas in the third smallest town in Texas, and from radio station OKKK, news personalities Thurston Wheelis and Arles Struvie are reporting on the hot competition in the annual lawn display contest. Is Stanley Bumiller the mysterious Christmas Phantom, stealing everyone’s outdoor lights and baby Jesus ornaments? Thursday—Sunday, Nov. 23—Dec. 9. Thursday at 7:30pm; Friday—Saturday at 8pm; Sunday at 2:30pm. Spreckels Performing Arts Center, 5409 Snyder Lane, Rohnert Park. $15—$20. 707.588.3400.

A Christmas Carol Sonoma County Repertory Theater presents their adaptation, directed by Gene Abrayava. Runs Wednesday—Saturday, Nov. 23—Dec. 22. Nov. 23—24, 28—30 and Dec. 1, 5—9, 12—15, 19—22 at 8pm; matinees Nov. 25 and Dec. 2, 9, 16 and 23 at 2pm. $18—$23; Thursday, pay what you will; family specials available. 105 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.823.0177.

It’s a Wonderful Life Cinnabar Young Rep players present a musical version of the heart-warmer in which a man, with the help of an angel, sees how his own place in life greatly affects the fortunes of others. Friday—Sunday, Nov. 30—Dec. 16. Friday—Saturday at 7:30pm; Sunday at 2pm. Cinnabar Theater, 333 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. $10—$16. 707.763.8920.

Christmas Memories Woman’s Will, an all-female Shakespeare Company, present readings of Christmas classics by Dylan Thomas, Truman Capote and Laura Ingalls Wilder, as well as music and songs and treats. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2. Saturday at 8pm; Sunday at 2pm. Falkirk Cultural Center, 1408 Mission Ave., San Rafael. $10—$15. 510.420.0813.

The Night Before Christmas The Healdsburg Ballet present a holiday favorite in which Christmas Eve comes to life to the strains of ballet, jazz and hip-hop. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2, at the Raven Theater. Saturday at 7pm; Sunday at 2pm. 115 North St., Healdsburg. $10—$15. 707.431.7617.

The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe Four children are relocated from London to a large country house where they discover a wardrobe that serves as an entrance to a magical, snow-covered land in C. S. Lewis’ beloved story, presented by the Sixth Street Playhouse’s student thespians. Friday—Sunday, Dec. 7—22. Friday at 7pm; Saturday—Sunday at 2pm; no performances Dec. 13 and 20. $20. 52 W. Sixth St., Santa Rosa. 707.523.4185.

Twisted Christmas Live 5 The Bohemian’s own David Templeton assembles a laugh-packed holiday grab bag of offbeat holiday short stories that will be read onstage by an eclectic group of musicians, comedians and actors, including comics Will and Debi Durst and musicians Tommy Castro and Rusty Evans. Local filmmakers Daedalus Howell, John Harden and Raymond Daigle provide the doubtless-soon-to-be screen classics on Saturday, Dec 8, at 7:30pm. The Glaser Center, 547 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. $20 in advance; $25 at the door. 707.338.6013.

The Christmas Rose Step into a magical world of English and Irish literature, Celtic legend and traditional folk beliefs when Patrick Ball performs the tale A Child’s Christmas in Wales, chapters from The Wind in the Willows and passages from Shakespeare, William Butler Yeats and Thomas Hardy. Mixing them with beloved pieces of seasonal music, this remarkable storyteller captures the central message of the Christmas/winter season: hope. Friday—Sunday, Dec. 14—23. Friday—Saturdays at 8pm; Sunday at 2:30pm. Spreckels Performing Arts Center, 5409 Snyder Lane, Rohnert Park. $17—$20. 707.588.3430.

Tap Cracker Discover a newer, jazzier version of The Nutcracker that highlights all of the students as they perform tap, jazz, hip-hop and musical theater. Meet Uncle Doodle Meyer, tapping toy soldiers, dancing presents and the Mouse King. Saturday, Dec. 15, at 2pm and 5:30pm. Marin Center Showcase Theater, 10 Avenue of the Flags, San Rafael. $12—$20. 415.499.6800.

Posada Navideña The Instituto Mazatlán Bellas Artes de Sacramento present a two-hour music and dance show celebrating the traditions of a Mexican Christmas, focusing on Joseph and Mary’s pastorela, or journey, before the birth of baby Jesus. A preshow lecture is included. Friday, Dec. 21, at 8pm; lecture, 7pm. Wells Fargo Center, 50 Mark West Springs Road, Santa Rosa. $10—$15. 707.546.3600.

Fa La La La La, etc.: Music

Chamber Singers Sonoma County Chamber Singers chorale ensemble present work under the theme “O Come All Ye Peoples,” featuring the Christmas story told in choral music from many times and many lands. Friday—Sunday, Nov. 30—Dec. 2. Friday at 8pm, Sebastopol Christian Church, 7433 Bodega Ave., Sebastopol. Saturday at 8pm, the Glaser Center, 547 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. Sunday at 4pm, Bethlehem Lutheran Church, 1300 St. Francis Road, Santa Rosa. Free; donations accepted. 707.837.8984.

Concerts by Candlelight Marin Symphony’s holiday concert is once again held by candlelight and features the Marin Symphony Chamber Chorus and Chantons, a choral ensemble composed entirely of teenaged women. Hanukkah music and a sing-along complete the evening. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 1—2. Saturday at 7:30pm; Sunday at 4pm. Church of Saint Raphael, 104 Fifth Ave., San Rafael. $25—$30. 415.479.8100.

Kingdom Travelers Revered gospel group backed by a hot blues band blend R&B-influenced harmony, a soul sound and traditional gospel lyrics to produce a unique, inspiring style of music. Friday, Dec. 7, at 8pm. Sonoma Valley Museum of Art, 551 Broadway, Sonoma. $20—$25. 707.939.7862.

Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir The award-winning Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir Ensemble perform in the historic Bartholomew Park winery museum. Wines by the glass to accompany complimentary hors d’oeuvres. Saturday, Dec. 8. 1000 Vineyard Lane, Sonoma. Two shows, 4:30pm and 7:3pm. $35—$40. 707.939.2274.

Seeds of Sun The five talented members of this ensemble are referred to as musical ambassadors for Israel, reflecting that wonderful eclectic spirit of Israeli life. Call it samba, call it jazz, it is a unique and beautiful mix of music. Saturday, Dec. 8, at the Osher Marin JCC, 200 N. San Pedro Road, San Rafael. 8pm. $22—$27. 415.444.8000.

The Oak Ridge Boys This band have a distinctive and recognizable sound that has spawned dozens of hits, earned them Grammy, Dove, CMA and ACM awards and a host of other accolades. Their hits includes the pop chart-topper “Elvira,” as well as “Bobbie Sue,” “Dream On,” “American Made,” and many others. This show, titled “Christmas Cookies,” serves up a sweet batch of traditional holiday favorites sprinkled with classics and country hits on Sunday, Dec. 9, at the Lincoln Theater, 100 California Ave., Yountville. 5pm. $50—$75. 707.944.1300.

The Christmas Jug Band Stalwart purveyors of the jugabilly mystique present their annual tongue-in-cheek seasonal convergence featuring appearances by such as Dan Hicks, Commander Cody alumni and other San Francisco Bay Area luminaries. A roster of dates await. Sunday, Dec. 9, at the 142 Throckmorton Theatre. 142 Throckmorton Ave., Mill Valley. 5pm. 415.383.9600. Friday, Dec. 14, at the Mystic Theater, 23 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. 8pm. 707.765.2121. Friday, Dec. 21, at the Larkspur Cafe Theater, 500 Magnolia Ave., Larkspur. 8pm. 415.460.9127. Dec. 22 at the Masonic Hall of Mill Valley, 19 Corte Madera Ave., Mill Valley. www.christmasjugband.com.

Sonoma Valley Chorale Now it its 35th year, the Chorale celebrate “A Classic Christmas” with a roster of songs centering on traditional Yuletide music. Saturday—Sunday, Dec. 8—9. Saturday at 8pm; Sunday at 2pm, special matinee performance is in conjunction with the International Day of Choral Singing and a proclamation will be read in conjunction with choral groups all the world over. Sonoma Veteran’s Memorial Bldg., 1261 First St. W., Sonoma. $10—$18. 707.935.1576.

A Chanticleer Christmas Come celebrate this Bay Area tradition of Medieval and Renaissance works, traditional carols and moving spirituals. Friday, Dec. 14, at St. Vincent Church, 35 Liberty St. Petaluma. Two shows, 6pm and 8:30pm. $25—$80. 415.252.8589.

Angels Are Everywhere Cinnabar Choral Ensemble mix traditional yuletide tunes with ancient and modern music directed by Nina Shuman. Saturday, Dec. 15, at 8pm. 3333 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. $8—$12. 707.763.8920.

The Sonoma Hometown Band The Sonoma Hometown Band give their annual free Christmas concert, “Holiday Festival of Music,” a family-friendly show offering traditional music from opera to popular holiday tunes. Saturday, Dec. 15, at 11am. Sebastiani Theatre, 474 First St. E., Sonoma. Free. 707.933.8989.

Carols in the Caves David Auerbach, the self-described “improvisator,” once again takes over winery caves to play traditional and not-so-traditional music of the winter holidays. Pre-Christmas shows focus on yuletide; post-Christmas, on the New Year and the Twelfth Night. Shows held at wineries in Calistoga and Napa. Dec. 15— Jan. 6 at various locations. No children under 10. $40. www.cavemusic.com.

‘Tis the Season, Winter Celebration Over 100 joyful singers from the five youth and adult choral ensembles of Singers Marin present a holiday choral concert with familiar Christmas and Hanukkah songs. Sunday, Dec. 16, at the Marin Center. 10 Avenue of the Flags, San Rafael. 4pm. $20—$30. 415.499.6800.

Brian Setzer Orchestra Former Stray Cat frontman brings his jive-jumpin’ holiday show back for the sixth year in a row. Dig that crazy Christmas! Tuesday—Wednesday, Dec. 18—19, at the Wells Fargo Center, 50 Mark West Springs Road, Santa Rosa. 8pm. $45—$85. 707.546.3600.

The Kinsey Sicks America’s favorite dragapella beauty-shop quartet present Oy Vey in a Manger, an over-the-top production featuring such classics as “Harried Little Christmas.” Thursday, Dec. 20, at COPIA. 500 First St., Napa. 8pm. $22.50—$25. 707.265.5979.



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Zep Now!

11.14.07Once the greatest, always the greatest? I felt this about the Ramones when I saw them on their 1996 Adios Amigos Tour, and again about the Rolling Stones when I caught their 1997 Bridges to Babylon tour. Now, it's Led Zeppelin, but not due to any single kick-ass show. It's the sheer snowballing weight of current Zeppelin quasi-events that...

News Brief

11.14.07 Spilling it ForwardOil-soaked birds being carefully cleaned by human volunteers are just the beginning. The 58,000 gallons of bunker oil dumped into the waters of San Francisco Bay on Nov. 7 when the container ship the Cosco Busan smashed into the Bay Bridge is more than a one-time spill; it's a long-term traumatic jolt to an already environmentally stressed...

Lost and Found

11.14.07Jason Robert Brown's The Last Five Years first appeared off Broadway in 2002 and immediately catapulted into the musical consciousness of the theater world, becoming one of the most beloved new musicals around. That it has done so with very few people actually seeing it is truly amazing, its rise to the top fueled almost entirely by the bestselling...

Captured Chaos

11.14.07One night in 1993, I ran into Tim Armstrong walking down an alley in downtown Petaluma, pasting up stickers for his new band, Rancid, who were playing one of their first shows that night at the Phoenix Theater. We walked together down to the Petaluma River, sat on the docks and talked for a while. He was excited about...

Sink Works

11.14.07You don't realize how indispensable a kitchen sink is until it stops working. Our faucet was running fine, but some mysterious, vile obstruction lodged itself deeply in the drain. After an enthusiastic plunging failed to stir its bowels, a pool of water remained in the sink, gurgling lazily but defiantly.The timing was not good. I was in the middle...

The Liquidator

11.14.07So, the Hannah Montana tour finally came to the HP Pavilion, ending not only the begging and pleading by tweenage girls desperate to go to the show, but also the moaning and groaning of parents who are still sore about the ticket prices. Face value for most tickets was less than $100, but according to StubHub, an online ticket...

Letters to the Editor

11.14.07Pastoral-progressiveNo doubt, the vegans came out of the woodwork, inundating you good people with inflamed retorts to Clark Wolf and the bait laid for us ("Heritage for the Holidays," Napkin Notes, Nov. 7). Here's one more. Save these special birds—by killing them? That is, by paying a little more to outsource the killing-plucking-gutting to someone with a smaller flock,...

Hopping to It

11.14.07The folks behind the upscale pub that took over the Sebastopol Brewing Co. in downtown Sebastopol two weeks ago have been playing it close to the vest regarding plans for their new venture. So close, in fact, that they haven't spilled any information other than to confirm that, yes, it will be an independent operation from Dean Biersch, co-founder...

It’s a Wonderful Life

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