Stars and Guitars

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02.18.09

STRING THINGS: Guitars by Michael Garlington & George Lucas.

Which one would you bid on?

Les Claypool’s “How to Play Bass” guitar or George Lucas’ Yoda light saber guitar? Stan Lee’s baseball-card-collage guitar or John Lasseter’s googly-eyed tongue guitar?

The Phoenix Guitar Gala has everybody talking, and with good reason. Where else will one find and be able to bid on 18 different guitars, all individually hand-designed and one-of-a-kind, created by celebrities both local and worldwide? And where else will one be able to further bid on autographed guitars by B. B. King, Carlos Santana and Les Paul, all under the same theater roof that over the years has hosted everyone from Harry Houdini to Metallica? That’s not even mentioning the samba lessons, the capoeira martial arts, the Afro-Brazilian stick dancing, the Brazilian food and the fire dancers.

In fact, the activity under the Phoenix Theater’s roof for its Guitar Gala auction and Carnaval party on Feb. 28 is only a microcosm of just how varied the scene surrounding the beloved building has become. On any given day, it’s not uncommon to walk through the theater’s glass doors—doors formerly entered by Count Basie, Van Morrison, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Green Day, the Ramones, Sublime and innumerable others—to see teenagers engaged in writing workshops, music lessons, art classes, a free health clinic, acting classes, podcasting courses, recording classes, photojournalism instruction, jam sessions and skateboarding mentorships.

All of this grew organically out of the Phoenix Theater experience. Two decades ago, after house manager Tom Gaffey augmented the theater’s movie schedule by hosting shows with local bands after the late screening, the theater began attracting young people who between bands would draw in notebooks, write zines, practice guitar and work on homework on the lobby steps. Now all of those things and more are part of the theater’s official schedule, thanks to a dedicated board of directors led by executive director Amber Faur, and plenty of volunteers.

STRING THINGS: Guitars by Seth Green, Josh Staples & Les Claypool.

It’s a welcome change, Gaffey says, one that he wouldn’t have been able to instigate on his own. “The organization and all that, that was never a strong suit of mine,” Gaffey says by phone, standing inside the theater’s broom closet to tune out the din of activity. “But now, with so many kids involved and so little space and so many activities, it does require a structure and a schedule. That way we can be consistent. People are coming in with ideas, and they know that there’ll be space guaranteed for them, time guaranteed for them and even some funding sometimes.”

After receiving a donation of guitars from Gibson, the Phoenix board of directors contacted various artists and celebrities to donate their skills. Lots of names were tossed around, many with direct connections to the theater. Devo, for example, played there in 1980;  Les Claypool’s played there countless times. Many of the local artists who designed guitars grew up there.

“This whole thing is through personal relationships and fondness for the Phoenix,” says booking agent Jim Agius. Agius credits Jonah Loop, an old Phoenix regular who’s forged a successful film career in Hollywood, with talking to a handful of high-profile names. Stan Lee, in particular, was “very impressed” with the theater and the concept. “Everyone who was asked,” Agius notes, “said yes.”

The finished guitars are impossible to accurately assess through photos alone; certain fine touches are lost—the sheer girth of Petaluma artist Jack Haye’s piece, covered in BBs, for example. The way the eyes on John Lasseter’s Thunderbird bass glow like marbles, or the intricate wood carving of Josh Staples’ zombie-themed guitar.

It’s similarly impossible to adequately assess the impact and inspiration the Phoenix has had on generations of North Bay teens. Some of them, all grown up, now host yoga classes there. Others serve on the board; some donate money; some organize poetry readings, tutoring workshops and theater productions. All recognize the value of the place.

Gio Benedetti, one such regular, heads the free music program at the Phoenix six days a week, teaching over 50 kids who otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford music lessons. Benedetti credits the Phoenix with his course in life, and relishes the ability to pass along the inspiration. “I can’t imagine what it would be like without the Phoenix,” he says. “Having a building like that, and somebody like Tom who’s so dedicated to the kids, the potential is infinite.”

Indeed, much of the Phoenix Theater’s stature is due to Gaffey’s oversight and ability to convey guidance not from an authoritative fatherly standpoint but from an even-keeled brotherly one. To a casual passerby, Gaffey may seem like the building’s janitor (he still says his favorite tasks include cleaning the bathrooms, and his dedication to sweeping the front sidewalk has become a Petaluma landmark), but all the regulars know him as the heart and soul of the theater.

“Over the years now, I think that we’ve been a good hedge against a lot of things in the outside world, that maybe has given kids a chance to get some breathing room and get a place to be a little bit grounded and avoid some of the pitfalls,” Gaffey says. “I’m glad to see that most of the kids that have come through have been able to use this as kind of an anchor at times. It’s been gratifying, and I hope we get to continue doing it.”

The Phoenix Theater Carnaval and Guitar Gala, featuring over 20 hand-designed guitars, gets underway on Saturday, Feb. 28, at the Phoenix Theater, 201 E. Washington St., Petaluma. 8pm. $30. 707.762.3565. For more info, see www.phoenixguitargala.com.


License to Mute

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02.25.09

A world without YouTube is now unimaginable. Founded in 2005 by three guys in San Bruno, the video-sharing website is a major hub in the online-communication revolution, hosting an endless smorgasbord of user-generated video content. It’s easy as pie to find an audience for one’s desktop rants or home-movie oddities. Here, you can also find virtually every moving picture ever made, from movie scenes and the show you just missed to the latest or most classic music videos. Its success has heralded a new age in entertainment, one with a tiny screen and an even smaller attention span.

But like any good thing, YouTube got too big. It became the third most-visited website on the Internet, adding 13 hours of new video per minute with bandwidth costs topping an estimated $1 million a day. Shortly after its 2006 acquisition by Google for an astounding $1.65 billion came the scramble for regulation and litigation. (One such case last year involved a Pennsylvania woman’s use of Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” in an adorable 30-second video of her dancing 13-month-old.) Since YouTube videos are streamed, not downloaded, any sense of proprietorship regarding use of copyrighted material has been hazier than, say, a straight piracy case.

The big news this month is that Sony Music Entertainment became the first major label to renew its music licensing deal with YouTube, a sign that industry dinosaurs may finally start to swim rather than sink in today’s world. Sony, the second largest music company in the world, seems fully aware of the value of viewership; in December of last year alone, YouTube had 100 million users. Online music videos in particular have emerged as a burgeoning revenue stream, with record labels either earning about half a cent for each view or a share of associated ad revenue.

With MTV and VH1 focusing on pseudo-reality shows these days, record labels have found a buzzing home on Internet sites like MySpace, Vimeo and YouTube. One need only look at Sony artist Beyoncé for proof of YouTube’s promotional potential. Her smash hit “Single Ladies” was buoyed by dozens of viral video spoofs circulating through in-boxes the last few months (a must-see is posted by “Cubbyradio2,” in which an overweight man tries on the dance moves—and the black leotard). Sony, naturally, has benefited.

In contrast, Warner Music Group recently made headlines for having its entire content pulled from the site. In December, the entertainment conglomerate ended contract renewal talks in a dispute over licensing fees, spelling the end of any YouTube video that uses a Warner-copyrighted song. Even amateur videos, such as fan videos and lip-synch videos with Warner music in the background, have been removed or muted.

One irate user is Rob Rubin, user name “TygerWDR,” who utilizes his channel for instructional paintball videos. In a recent post, he displays contact information for YouTube, WMG and even Google, urging viewers to fax their complaints. “A video of mine featuring music by Kenny Wayne Sheppard was blocked after it’d been on for years,” Rubin complains via email. “The business model has changed, and big companies don’t understand it. They can lock down YouTube, and people will just move on to one of dozens of other services.”

 

For 15-year-old musician Juliet Weybret (“JulietOriginals”), the site is a showcase for her original songs, but perhaps not her cover versions anymore. “YouTube is a great way for unsigned musicians to build a fan base,” she says, still annoyed over the removal of her version of the Christmas standby “Winter Wonderland.” A video expressing her confusion has already received over 52,000 views and over 1,100 angry, empathetic comments. “People should have the right to sing someone else’s song as long as they give the artist credit,” she says. “We musicians aren’t going to steal a song we covered on YouTube.”

No matter how long fair use is debated, or whatever the 21st-century music industry will eventually look like, a website with millions of music-hungry daily visitors is nothing to shake a stick at. “I use music in the background, to set a mood or even to turn people on to music they wouldn’t normally hear,” Rubin explains, summarizing the music industry’s shortsightedness. “Since Napster, the music companies look at online consumers as criminals—and not potential partners.” 


Boy Meets Girls

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02.18.09

FAMOUS MOMMY Gwyneth Paltrow has famously stated that now that the kids are here, she is restricting her career to just one movie a year. Curious, then, that Two Lovers would have been her choice for 2008. Paltrow’s role is largely concerned with flipping her hair about, and while her long blonde locks certainly have their own dramatic tension (Will her part hold in the wind? Do her tresses look better in a ponytail or under a wool hat?), her Michelle is an uninspired cipher, a golddigger with a heart of gold who is trying to separate her married lover from his wife. What attracts Leonard (Joaquin Phoenix) to Michelle is that she is such an unabashed goy. “What’s that?” she asks, wandering his parent’s stifling apartment. Well shucks, Michelle, it’s a dreidel, and they made it out of clay.For his part, Phoenix has announced that Two Lovers will be his last film before he embarks upon what promises to be an unusual hip-hop career, and he does as best he can with director and co-writer and co-producer James Gray’s mawkish work. Far better he had ended it with Johnny Cash. Part Brighton Beach Memoirs without the laughs—indeed, part Annie Hall without the laughs—Two Lovers follows Leonard first into the seawater muck off the Brighton Beach pier where he throws himself in the film’s establishing shots.

From there, the cinematography remains stubbornly stained an unpleasant green, an unimaginative metaphor expressing poor Leonard’s moldy world. Leonard has just come home to live again with his parents, the understated mother-smotherer (Isabella Rossellini) and her worried husband (Moni Moshonov). Mom and Dad own a dry cleaning shop where Leonard works and are in negotiations to sell the business to another family, the Cohens, who have a beautiful daughter, Sandra (Vinessa Shaw), who is inexplicably drawn to Leonard. Leonard has suffered some terrible time and is still recovering. The boy is “sensitive” and clearly suicidal. Yet Sandra nonetheless yearns for him. Meanwhile, Michelle, “trouble” stamped all over her lovely frame, moves in upstairs. She and Leonard have a not-so-cute meet, and she adopts him as a needy brother. He, of course, lusts after all of her WASPy fabulousness. As Leonard’s family and the Cohens get closer to closing the deal, so does Sandra try to get closer to Leonard. She, of course, claustrophobically represents family, obligation, books and PBS. Leonard resists until finally taking her in his grimy boy’s bed after falling sway to her charms while his stern rabbinical ancestors scowl down from the walls. That he will betray her terribly is as obvious as a dreidel.

Phoenix’s job here is to make Leonard’s boy-man’s plight shine bright to the audience. He shambles, he mutters, he takes listless photos. It’s not Phoenix’s fault that James Gray chose the fatal triangulation of writer-director-producer; such myopic immersion always results off-kilter, and Leonard is not a sympathetic character for most over age 16. Rather, “Clean up your room!” “Man up!” “Take your meds and shut up about it!” reverberated around this viewer’s brain as Leonard tries and fails to go gentile into that good night.

‘Two Lovers’ opens on Friday, Feb. 27, at the Rialto Lakeside Cinemas (551 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa; 707.525.4840) and the Smith Rafael Film Center (1118 Fourth St., San Rafael; 415.454.1222).


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Letters to the Editor

02.25.09

Huge Mistake

Let’s see . . . in the last issue (Feb. 11), we found one full page ad for beer and a full story on wine as well as a News of the Food item on Pigs and Pinot, the Swirl ‘n’ Spit wine column and a slew of Tour of California stories filling up your now-dwindling pages! Yet, with some sort of bizarre editorial wisdom, and in such a timely fashion right before the Oscars, you decide to omit the movie listings!  What, are the theater listings not sexy enough for your wine country rag?

It was so easy to rip that sheet out, throw it in my car and decide on the spot what film(s) to hit for the week. And I have never,—and I repeat, never—made it to one of those theaters only to find the schedule off and changed. And if that had actually happened, would the world end? I think not. Give your readers a break. There are actually some of us who care about more than wine all the time. This was a huge mistake!

Linda Schram-Williams
Sebastopol

Drinking the New Coke?

Discontinuing the movie listings seems to me about the best idea since New Coke. How many of your readers do not see the Press Democrat? Where else will they find movie listings? The movie listings are often the main reason that I pick up the Bohemian.

Sara Scott
Cazadero

With a Zenlike steadiness, we direct readers to sonomamovietimes.com, marinmovietimes.com and napamovietimes.com for up-to-the-minute listings.

Yes, It Was an Obscure Reference

The article in the Feb. 11 issue asking if cycling under the influence is a problem in wine country was given the headline “Cycle Jerks.” A summary of the article gives us a very clear answer to the question:

1.) The Sonoma County Sheriff’s officer interviewed was not aware of it being an issue.

2.) The Santa Rosa officer interviewed said there is no information linking an increase in bicycle accidents to drinking. 

3.) The director of the Sonoma County Bicycle Coalition says it has not been brought up as an issue. 

4.) The director of the Marin County Bicycle Coalition says it has not been an issue. 

5.) A Healdsburg police officer interviewed has seen only one arrest for cycling under the influence in 12 years. 

6.) The workers in two winery tasting rooms visited by the author both state it has never been a problem.

7.) The owners of two bicycle touring companies state it is not a problem, and both work to discourage their guests from drinking and riding. 

8.) The legal penalties for drinking and cycling are equivalent to drinking and driving.

  

9.) The author includes the fact that a tasting-room worker at Mill Creek Winery does see the sheriff pass by once a day—although he does not mention that the tasting room at Mill Creek is well back from the road, and one would assume the worker is busy with his work and not watching the road all day.

Of course, the author did find two people, one of whom we are told was on probation, who were willing to say they drink and ride a bike. Perhaps a better headline would have been “A Couple of Jerks Ride Bikes.”

John Mastrianni
Healdsburg


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Puppy Love

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02.25.09

We have a cute dog. Strangers say “ Awww” when we pass, and children are eager to pet him. He’s ours sort of by accident. My refusals of dog ownership prior to his arrival were rock solid, immutable as stone.

Mom, can we please get a—”
“No.”
“Just a small—”
“Never.”

With resolve more chiseled than David Beckham’s abs, I was unequivocal in my rejections. Until, walking the kids back from school, we passed a kid on a tricycle with a puppy sticking out the collar of his T-shirt. The pup’s furry face was impossibly cute, and his yip was helium-high. Like a choreographed dance troupe, the kids and I dropped to our knees right there on the cracked cement, reaching forward as one while singing in unison, “ Ohhhh! ” The proverbial fat lady was running arpeggios; it was over, baby.

We call him Skip because of how he runs, a comic little hitch in his high-speed get-along. No bigger than a kitten when we brought him home, he tips the scales fully grown at just under nine pounds.

The first 47 times Skipper made wee on the living room carpet, I was the embodiment of maternal grace, quick to remember him for the baby he still was and just as quick to forgive. And, too, with a bladder the size of a medicine dropper, the mess was nominal. With a spray bottle of Nature’s Miracle hanging from my belt, I’d spritz away, explaining with saintly patience that the better place to do his business was outside.

Growing up, my father was a little less generous with the dogs. They were rarely allowed indoors to begin with, but once granted entrance into the interior, should one of them unwisely choose to make doodie, he would beat them about the head and snout with a rolled up newspaper while snarling “Bad dog” and ramming their noses into the scent. (Then again, my parents used the telephone as a babysitter in those days, calling home from the party at the end of the cul-de-sac and shouting instructions to leave the extension off the hook while listening in at odd intervals to ensure that any screaming was short lived.)

Dog psychology today is all about positive discipline. Don’t punish their mistakes, they say, praise their successes. So I find myself on the front lawn turning cartwheels every time the dog takes a whiz, feigning enthusiasm on par with discovery of a winning lottery ticket or the announcement of remission. Good dog! I sing, scanning the fence line to make sure no one’s passing by. Good pee! Good poop! Somewhere deep inside, a kernel of regret sprouts, a cool comprehension of the basic wrongness of these words in my mouth, but I continue. And if my pretend smile is a bit tight, the dog can’t tell.

But despite the absorbent turf and my cheerleading, he prefers the carpet. I’ll come around the corner to find him letting loose like Austin Powers after his 30-year encapsulation, and feel a bit like Dr. Evil myself. The spritz bottle has given way now to the gallon jug, and we’ve gone through so much Nature’s Miracle that I wish we owned stock.

I’ve become a regular at the Rug Doctor counter at the grocery store, leasing their noisy and cumbersome shampooer no fewer than eight times last year. Grunting the machine into the trunk of the car, I hear Skip barking-barking-barking from the back seat and—forgive me—I imagine the distinctive post-punk chord progressions of Talking Heads: And you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here? This is not my beautiful life. This is not my beautiful car! My God! What have I done? The bloom is by now, as they say, quite totally off the rose.

I shampooed a final time right before a recent two-week vacation, thinking all that time away would allow the carpet to really dry and perhaps lose its attraction for the dog. Flinging the front door open wide with hopes for a newly fresh and nappy rug, I could actually taste the stench, as if that last scrubbing had freakishly superactivated the stink. Side-breathing from the corners of my mouth, I bellowed for my husband, and together we dragged the smelly thing outside and draped it over the fence.

 

If you’re motoring down a leafy two-lane road and see a lady blasting an 11-by-17-foot supershag carpet with a high-pressure hose, a tight, crazy smile playing across her face like sunlight through trees you’ll know it’s me, looking like the unfortunate punch line to a joke that begins “You might be a redneck if . . .” And if Talking Heads are on your radio, throw me a frickin’ bone and crank it. 

  Kate Williams writes a weekly column for the Sonoma Valley Sun. Her first novel, ‘Zins of the Father,’ was serialized in FineLife Magazine. She lives in Sonoma with her husband, two children, and an incontinent dog..

Open Mic is now a weekly feature in the Bohemian. We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 700 words considered for publication, write op*****@******an.com.

 


State of the Book

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02.25.09

FIN? Oh, cheer up, the worst may not happen.

Irecently dug out some old copies of Hungry Mind Review, the book and culture magazine I started in the mid-’80s and edited for 15 years.

The magazine was published by Hungry Mind Bookstore, a wonderfully rich and eclectic independent in St. Paul, Minn. One of the mag’s goals was to be a link between independent bookstores around the country at a time when the chain bookstores were just beginning to flex their muscles, yet long before Amazon had become even a glint in Jeff Bezos’ eye.

The issue that really caught my attention was the 10th anniversary number, titled “The State of the Book” and published in the spring of 1996. The magazine was in pretty good health in those days with more than 40 percent of the large format pages consisting of publisher ads. On the inside back page, we printed a list of the 600-plus independent bookstores around the country where the magazine was available.

The editorial content was rich. Alongside an interview with John Updike, we ran essays by such luminaries as Isabel Allende, Dorothy Allison, Bill McKibben, Kathleen Norris, Luis Rodriguez, Kay Ryan, Jane Smiley and Sven Birkerts, whose 1994 book The Gutenberg Elegies: The Fate of Reading in a Digital Age prophesied the coming end of the book.

I contributed a windy and rather smug editor’s note, mocking the reactive response of publishers to the dawning of the digital age, as well as the then-new notion that content no longer consisted of text and image but interactivity. My conclusion suggested that the fate of the book was in the hands of readers. I mused about the vast numbers of Americans who can read but choose not to (a population that the National Endowment for the Arts targeted in a much publicized study a few years ago), and wondered if “the available distractions made it too difficult for longtime readers to keep at it.”

So where are we 13 years later? Glancing through the huge list of independent bookstores from that issue, I fear that more than two-thirds, along with Hungry Mind itself, have gone out of business. Most New York publishers are no longer independent companies run in the old-gentleman spirit of their founding, but are more likely the poor cousins of huge multinational entertainment corporations that demand greater returns than mere books can ever provide. It seems clear that the large number of jobs recently lost in publishing will never reappear, because the old-time publishing model is broken.

As newspapers across the country have shrunk their book review sections and begun themselves going out of business, publishers have pulled back their advertising, focusing almost entirely on their blockbusters. Since independent bookstores have become a memory in many parts of the country, and with reviews and advertising shrinking, the chance for readers to find out about new authors, and books unlikely to become bestsellers, has all but disappeared

And what about those readers? If the available distractions were a concern in 1996, they seem epidemic now. I mean, it was hard for me to drag myself away from Facebook long enough to write this little number, and before that I was busy Twittering about my status, which clearly did not involve reading anything beyond 140 characters.

As a novelist of the old school, the type who does not count characters or compose and publish on my cell phone, I’ve always been curious how a guy with a little imagination snags readers. Unfortunately, I’ve never figured it out. Last summer, when I asked my publisher how to get the word out about my new novel, given that it had no advertising budget, he had a simple answer. Start a blog. But there was more. “You’ve got to contribute actively to other people’s blogs,” he said. In other words, become my own full-time publicist. As someone with an unfailing instinct for the dead end, I started my next novel instead.

In the last 10 years, I’ve had four novels published by New York publishers. The first two, brought out by Viking, are out of print, available for 1 cent each on Amazon. My last two, published by a Random House imprint, are racing to get out of print. It strikes me as a truly amusing 21st-century wonder that my collected work will soon be readily available for 4 cents plus postage.

 Novelist Bart Schneider was the founding editor of ‘Hungry Mind Review’ and ‘Speakeasy Magazine.’ His latest novel is ‘The Man in the Blizzard.’ Lit Life is a biweekly feature. You can contact Bart at li*****@******an.com.


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Sojourn Cellars

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It’s an apt name. The relaxed but serious sit-down tasting model is becoming more common locally, as boutique wineries seek to connect with more customers while consolidating day-to-day office operations. Sojourn is the project of four friends and one dog, and the winemaker splits his time with his day job at Audelssa. The tasting salon is housed in a little cottage off of Sonoma Plaza, the walls painted after my own heart in avocado green and styled up with a few upside-down lava-lamp-like lights. It’s a downtown version of the old lab/office/tasting combo familiar to small wineries the world over.

The first good thing about this kind of tasting is the comfortable pace and deficit of elbows. Even the lack of a tasting fee for the appointment-only visits seems to imply that this is for the grownups. The flip side of free is, well, one hesitates to take time out of his working day and then say, thanks, but I gotta go: that’s my job. So listen up and gauge whether the following fine wines fit taste and budget.

Sojourn flies with the sovereigns of red, Cab and Pinot. The hue of a foggy dawn, a pale pink haze, the 2006 Sonoma Coast Pinot Noir ($36) may be an expression of style or that year’s challenging vintage. The earth-and-strawberry fragranced Pinot should appeal not only to those who are lining up to bash big, extracted Pinots, but many others as well. Similarly light-hued but limpid and brick-tinged, the 2006 Sangiacomo Vineyards Pinot Noir ($48) hinted at bacon smoke wafting though a bramble thicket, with a side of cranberry. If on the fence, wait for the upcoming release of the more opulent 2007 version of the same.

It’s with the Cabs that Sojourn’s light touch seems to really pay off. The 2005 Sonoma Valley Cabernet Sauvignon ($48) opened with eucalyptus and mint, offering smoked blackberries and white chocolate and a light dusting of tannin. Minty and accented with bitter cocoa powder and blackberry liqueur, the 2005 Mountain Terraces Cabernet Sauvignon ($75) is marginally more fruit-powered but similarly lissome. Sojourn’s current-release Cabs are clarets sparing on the tannin, with reservedly rich fruit that aim right for tip of the tongue. They’d likely make charming company at the dinner table, and a welcome alternative for those discerning drinkers who are lining up to register their offense at today’s overblown Napa Cabs. Of course these are, um, from Sonoma Valley. I gotta go.

Sojourn Cellars, 141 E. Napa St., Sonoma. Complimentary tasting by appointment. 707.938.7212.



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The Kids Aren’t All Right?

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02.25.09

Though Santa Rosa’s general plan calls for city policy to “consider the diverse cultural needs and talents of the community,” the city council will soon consider a report that would ban tattoo shops and smoke shops downtown and would place added restrictions on all-ages clubs. The 11-page report on the proposed zoning amendments, containing an additional 31 pages of maps, council minutes and emails, will go before city council on March 17. Those interested in the line between legality and morality are encouraged to speak at the meeting.

In November 2007, the city council asked staff to draw up policy to “limit or prohibit” tattoo parlors and smoke shops in the downtown area. Though council membership has changed since then, the recently released staff report proposes reclassifying tattoo parlors and smoke shops in the zoning code and barring new shops from opening downtown. Existing smoke shops and tattoo parlors would be allowed to stay open.

However, on Jan. 22, the planning commission reviewed the report, heard comments from the public and recommended instead, in a unanimous vote, that the city council allow smoke shops and tattoo shops in the downtown core with a minor use permit. Currently, there are only two tattoo parlors and four smoke shops listed in the affected commercial downtown core. Nowhere in the report is any study cited linking tattoo shops or smoke shops with criminal activity.

The report also proposes loosening citywide restrictions on nightclubs that serve alcohol while actually strengthening restrictions on all-ages clubs that do not serve alcohol. Currently, nightclubs involving both alcohol and entertainment require a conditional use permit subject to a planning commission review, a public hearing and fees totaling $13,215. The proposal would allow nightclubs to operate with only a minor use permit, a far less lengthy process with a tab of only $2,390.

But the kids would have more hoops to jump through. Entertainment and recreation facilities that don’t serve alcohol—in other words, all-ages clubs—would go from current permitted status to requiring a minor use permit not just in downtown, but citywide. A minor use permit would place conditions of approval in the hands of the city’s police and fire departments, who in the past have appeared to selectively target all-ages clubs. The report specifically lists fire and police department approval of hours, occupancy, noise, emergency exits, security and lighting in order for an all-ages club to open.

The public is invited to the city council meeting scheduled for 5pm on Tuesday, March 17, at the Santa Rosa Council Chambers, City Hall. Those wishing to speak should arrive early to fill out a speaker’s card. A link to the full report can be found at [ http:-/www.bohemian.com-bohoblog ]www.bohemian.com-bohoblog.


Banking on It

02.25.09

CHUB: Estimates are that more than 93,000 Sonoma County residents are ‘touched by hunger.’ It doesn’t have to be so.

Imagine this next Giant’s baseball season is a complete sellout—standing-room only, fans turned away. Lucky ticket holders pour through the turnstiles. As they enter the ballpark, each fan gets handed a tasty, satisfying, nutritiously balanced box lunch. Now add up this sellout season’s projected final attendance numbers. The figure you’ll arrive at is the number of meals the Redwood Empire Food Bank (REFB) distributed to hungry Sonoma County folks two years ago. Multiply this year-end attendance figure by the weight of one box lunch. You’ll tally nearly 9 million pounds. It’s an enormous amount of food, but that’s what the REFB managed to collect two years ago, back when the economy was humming. Unfortunately, today’s still-plummeting economic conditions demand vastly enhanced resources if there’s to be any hope of overcoming hunger, even here in our still relatively prosperous though economically disparate North Bay.

A study by California Food Policy Advocates (CFPA) published in November 2007 found that 2.5 million California adults “could not afford to put adequate food on the table on a consistent basis.” The report notes that well over 7.5 million people, most of whom are children, reside within these low-income households. The CFPA’s 2005 report places the total number of California residents receiving less than adequate nutrition at more than 10 million. While the North Bay fares better than many counties, estimates are that more than 93,000 Sonoma County residents are “touched by hunger.”

Like other charitable organizations serving economically disadvantaged people, requests for services at the Redwood Empire Food Bank have risen dramatically, precisely at a time when resources are dwindling or drying up altogether. This past year alone, the REFB experienced a 20 percent bump in food aid requests.

Last October, the Bush administration rammed through its $700 billion attempt to stem the nation’s financial tsunami. That very week, REFB executive director David Goodman wrote that increased requests for food aid “foreshadows what will likely become even greater growth as the economy corrects itself, penalizing many who can no longer play the game.”

The good news is that the REFB actually surpassed food and fundraising goals during this winter’s drive, proving that even in these distressing times regional communities do generously step up to the plate. The bad news is that with ever-growing demand comes unprecedented challenges.

The Redwood Empire Food Bank was founded 22 years ago with a stated mission to “to end hunger in our community.” Sonoma County’s largest hunger-relief organization also services California’s four northwesternmost counties—Lake, Mendocino, Humboldt and Del Norte—managing a food distribution network spanning 350 miles, from the southern tip of Sonoma County north to the Oregon border. While Sonoma County receives the lion’s share of its resources, to fully appreciate the enormity of its operation, consider that the REFB distributed more than 1 million meals to the four counties north of Sonoma in 2007 alone.

Last year the REFB upped the ante. Fiscal year 2007–2008 saw them distributing 10,750,000 pounds of food, or the equivalent of 8.4 million meals. That pencils out to 23,000 meals each day of the year, much of which is delivered as fresh produce.

Ninety-seven percent of REFB resources go “directly towards feeding the hungry in the area we serve.” Most of that support is private and local. Add food drives and special fundraising events to personal contributions, and individuals’ support to REFB accounts for more than government, foundation and corporate backing combined. While failed and bailed-out corporate CEO’s lavish billions of taxpayer monies on themselves and their underlings, REFB distributed almost 11 million pounds of food to those in need last year, while spending less than 1 percent of its expenditures on its own support services.

Over 5,000 people volunteer at the REFB annually, totaling over 70,000 hours of work last year. Its Agency Shopping Program, one of a host of offerings, distributes food to 133 charitable organizations, including childcare centers, disaster-relief agencies and youth and seniors programs, along with group homes, emergency food pantries and free dining halls.

Fresh produce constitutes more than 40 percent of food obtained and distributed through the REFB. For every dollar it spends, the REFB hands out four times that in food. Last year, it provided food to over 60,000 persons, the bulk of whom are working families with children.

Sheila Groves of Notable Talent, the booking agent of Petaluma’s Mystic Theatre, recognizes the growing hunger problem and wants to pitch in. “Like everyone else,” Groves says,” I felt weighed down reading the news about the number people in need rising and the ability to help them as the economy worsens.” Groves says she appreciates the work the Redwood Empire Food Bank does to fight hunger, and just “wanted to do my part to help out to the best of my ability, and that is through music.” Thus was Twangfest conceived.

On Saturday, March 7, the Mystic hosts REFB fundraiser Twangfest! Taking a Bite Out of Hunger. The show features five bluegrass-newgrass bands, as well as a “yodel-off” helmed by Dan Hicks. The party kicks off a dance exhibition by the Redwood Country Cloggers.

“Our goal is to raise $30,000 for the cause,” Groves says. “This may be lofty, but we’re hoping we can do it. The bands are all donating their time, and the Mystic Theatre is donating the venue, staff, production and advertising to the show.”

Raffle tickets for thousands of dollars’ worth of valuable prizes will be offered along with a silent auction of autographed musical celebrity-nalia. The Mystic Theatre in Petaluma holds 475 people. A ticket to the next Giant’s game won’t get you in, but 12 bucks or six cans of food, will.

Twangfest! Kicks up a ruckus on Saturday, March 7, from 7pm. Mystic Theater, 23 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. $12 or six cans of food. 707.765.2121.

North Bay Food Banks

Sonoma County

Emergency Food Bank

16390 Main St., Guerneville

707.887.2226

Food for Thought

6550 Railroad Ave., Forestville

707.887.1647

Food Not Bombs

Hot meals served every Sunday at 5pm, Courthouse Square, Third Street and Santa Rosa Avenue, Santa Rosa, and every Saturday at 11am, Washington Boulevard and Howard Street, Petaluma

707.579.1605

Inter-Church Food Pantry

500 Robinson Road, Sebastopol

707.823.2483

Redwood Empire Food Bank

3320 Industrial Drive, Santa Rosa

707.523.7900

Rohnert Park Food Pantry

436 Southwest Blvd., Rohnert Park

707.318.0376

Marin County

Marin Community Food Bank

75 Digital Drive, Novato

415.883.1302

St. Vincent de Paul Society of Marin County820 B St., San Rafael

415.454.3303

Napa County

Napa Council for Economic Opportunity

1755 Industrial Way #1, Napa

707.253.6100

—Hannah Smith


The Million Word March (or April)

0

02.25.09

BEAT THE BARD! Shakespeare utilized some 60,000 words. The average American? Not so much.

By the end of April, the English language will be 1 million words strong. At least it will be if you believe the Global Language Monitor, an organization that uses live people combined with computer algorithms and chicken entrails tossed into a fairy circle during the full moon to track trends in language around the world.

According to them, English picks up a new word every 98 minutes, which is about 15 a day, 105 a week, or just enough to make my spellchecker feel really dumb, and if there’s anything worse than a spellchecker with low self-esteem, it’s a user who thinks anthropomorphism in computer programs is OK to talk about in public. They don’t say anything about words being kicked out, so we can assume English is the packrat of languages, and it only gets bigger, with towering piles of old words stacked everywhere. I never realized how much English was like my grandfather.

A million words is a lot, even though it’s only about 1-750,000th the number of dollars the government handed out in an effort to make sure George Bush doesn’t wind up being known as the Herbert Hoover of the New Millennium. On the other hand, when you consider that the new TV show Million Dollar Password is giving away—go ahead, guess!—yes, a million dollars, maybe it’s not such a big number after all. But to paraphrase politician Everett Dirksen, “A million words here, a million words there, pretty soon you’re talking about not being able to finish a crossword puzzle.”

A million words is way more than any dictionary includes. Most standard dictionaries define about 200,000 words. The Oxford English Dictionary (motto: “More words than you can shake a cudgel at”) has about 600,000, and it takes 22,000 pages in 20 volumes and two hernias to list them all. That means either the Global Language Monitor has heard of words the OED people haven’t, lost count after “obfuscation” and don’t want to admit it, or make up words knowing no one’s going to go through a vocabulary list that long.

While that sounds like a lot of words, stop and consider that there are 1.35 billion people on Earth who speak English. That means there’s only one word for every 1,350 speakers. I don’t know about you, but I’d hate to find out I was one of those people who didn’t have his own word, though should that happen, I’d make one up just so I could feel important. Maybe a word like “grobbish.” Or “pongroid.” If I could convince the Global Language Monitor to recognize these, then I’ve just managed to push the Million Word Day a little bit closer. Heck, with some thought and mittens on my hands when I type I could probably manage to single-handedly move the date up to next Tuesday.

The question is, do we really need a million words? The average American knows about 20,000 words but only uses 7,500 of them in a given day. This means that on most days we have a storehouse of 12,500 unused words gathering dust in the crannies of our cerebellum. Or should I say the recesses of our mind. That being the case, what could we possibly do with 980,000 more of them? Where would we put them all? As it is, I’m afraid that if I stuff one more thing into the right side of my head, my social security number’s going to fall out my left ear. Heck, even Shakespeare knew only about 60,000 words, and half the time we don’t have a clue what he’s saying without listening to a podcast of the Cliff’s Notes. If he’d known a million words, even Cliff wouldn’t be able to figure out what he was saying.

I’m not sure what most of the new words that are popping up every 98 minutes are, but I’m sure they’re things like “repurpose,” “ginormous,” “hella” and its grade-school equivalent, “hecka,” and “Obamalovefest,” which may or may not last depending on whether bankruptcy becomes the leveraged buyout of the decade. Either way, I’d better stop on the way home tonight and pick up some flash cards if I’m going to have any hope of keeping up. Or ever winning at Scrabble again. But keep in mind that just because a word enters the language it doesn’t mean it’s going to last. I mean, they can’t all be “grody,” “Y2K” and “Macarena,” you know.

The Global Language Monitor estimates that the millionth word will show up around April 29, but they say it could be as soon as March 30, which makes it very difficult to invite people to a million word party. And while they’re predicting the date, they’re not predicting what the millionth word will be. It’s a safe bet it will be something we’ve never heard before. And very likely something we won’t hear again in six months. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it in the meantime. You know, while we’re waiting for another ginormous number of hella repurposed words to join the  

FashionSpeak of the 2009–’10 Season

The words were chosen from those gathered from the worldwide fashion media and nominated by key fashionistas. This exclusive ranking is based on GLM’s predictive quantities index, a proprietary algorithm that tracks words and phrases in print and electronic media, on the Internet and throughout the blogosphere. The words and phrases are tracked in relation to their frequency, contextual usage and appearance in global media outlets.

Is your mind so muddled that most of this is familiar? We challenge you!

1. chiconomics The drive to chicness remains strong though affected by economic crisis.

2. Michele Obama Michelle says “Yes, we can!” to bringing back a sense of fashion to the White House, further popularizing the single-shoulder look.

3. sheer Caveat: sheer is synonymous with see-through, often to embarrassing results. (See Renée Zellweger at the Golden Globes.)

4. metallics Move over silver and gold, this year it’s coppers and bronze, as well as pewter tones.

5. gladiators From chunky platforms to criss-crossed flats, one of the biggest shoe trends of the new century.

6. recessionista Fashion designers, trend-setters and icons who set out to weather the world economic crisis while looking fabulous.

7. voluminous As in volume-mungous. Sometimes combined with the sheer look to dramatic results.

8. ferosh A combination of “fierce” and “ferociousness,” popularized by Project Runway’s Christian Siriano.

9. shoe bootOr booties, favored by fashion-forward A-listers.

10. lemongrass The color of Mrs. Obama’s Inauguration gown.

11. draping or Grecian or goddess The Greco-Roman goddess look continues its 2,500-year comeback.

12. eco-fashion Couture with carbon-offsetting properties; the green movement has not invaded haute couture—yet.

13. on trend The trendy way to say trendy.

14. ethnicware Also known as “multicutural.”

15. fast fashion The successor to High Street; the ability to produce low-cost knockoffs, includes such retailers as H&M and Target.

16. fruit salad (or Macedonian) Mixed prints big and bold.

17. tie-dyed silk Black silk is everywhere, even in tie-dyed creations.

18. muffin top No worries on the runway, but a muffin top is seen when the belly spills over the waistband in exposed midriff fashion.

19. palettes Including mimosa (yellow) and blue iris (purple).

20. tribe Fashion tribes are still en vogue whether hipsters or emos.

—Courtesy Global Language Monitor

Top Words 2000-2008

Horrible verbiage describing horrible times

2000

Top Word: chad
Top Phrase: dot.com
Top Name: W (Dubya)

2001

Top Word: Ground Zero
Top Phrase: let’s roll
Top Name: the Heroes

2002

Top Word: misunderestimate
Top Phrase: threat fatigue
Top Name: W (Dubya)

2003

Top Word: embedded
Top Phrase: shock and awe
No. 2: rush to war
Top Name: Saddam Hussein
No. 2 Dubya

2004

Top Word: incivility (for inCivil War)
Top Phrase: Red States – Blue States
No. 2: rush to war
Top Name: Dubya – Rove

2005

Top Word: refugee
No. 2: tsunami
No. 3: Katrina
Top Phrase: outside the mainstream
Top Name: (acts of) God

2006

Top Word: sustainable
Top Phrase: stay the course
Top Name: Dafur

2007

Top Word: hybrid (representing all things green)
No. 2: surge
Top Phrase: climate change
Top Name: Al Gore

2008

Top Words: change
No. 2: bailout
No. 3: Obamamania
Top Phrases: financial tsunami 
No. 2: global warming
No. 3: yes, we can!
Top Names:
Barack Obama
George W. Bush
Michael Phelps

—Courtesy Global Language Monitor

TV Toppers

“As always, words stemming from television’s three screens impacted Global English in interesting, innovative and always fascinating ways,” says Paul J. J. Payack, president and chief word analyst of GLM. “Last year, two events dominated television, the Beijing Olympics and the U.S. presidential elections.”

1. BeijingThe Beijing Olympics were the most-watched television show of all time, with some 4.7 billion global viewers.

2. ObamaSpeakWords coined to describe the Obama Barack phenomenon, including “Obamamentum,” “Obamabot,” “Obamacize,” “Obamarama” and “Obamanation.”

3. “It is what it is” Everywhere on the tube from The Wire to the Roger Clemons Steroid in Baseball Congressional hearings.

4. “Facts are stubborn things” John Adams’ quaint turn of phrase for “it is what it is.” The John Adams biopic won the most Emmys ever for a single program.

5. Phelpsian New word coined to describe the Phelpsian Pheat of winning eight gold medals in a single Olympics. (In 2009, see “blowing it.”)

6. third screen There’s your TV (first screen), your computer (second screen) and now your mobile device, the third screen.

7. vincible The invincible New England Patriots prove vincible after all, with a shocking upset by the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII.

8. lip-synching Lin Miaoke, the little girl who didn’t sing the song the whole world sings in the Olympics opening ceremony.

9. lipstick On a pig or otherwise.

10. IPTV Internet-protocol-based television, the wave of the future.

—Courtesy Global Language Monitor

 


Museums and gallery notes.

Reviews of new book releases.

Reviews and previews of new plays, operas and symphony performances.

Reviews and previews of new dance performances and events.

Stars and Guitars

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License to Mute

02.25.09A world without YouTube is now unimaginable. Founded in 2005 by three guys in San Bruno, the video-sharing website is a major hub in the online-communication revolution, hosting an endless smorgasbord of user-generated video content. It's easy as pie to find an audience for one's desktop rants or home-movie oddities. Here, you can also find virtually every moving picture ever...

Boy Meets Girls

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Letters to the Editor

02.25.09Huge MistakeLet's see . . . in the last issue (Feb. 11), we found one full page ad for beer and a full story on wine as well as a News of the Food item on Pigs and Pinot, the Swirl 'n' Spit wine column and a slew of Tour of California stories filling up your now-dwindling pages! Yet,...

Puppy Love

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Banking on It

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The Million Word March (or April)

02.25.09 BEAT THE BARD! Shakespeare utilized some 60,000 words. The average American? Not so much. By the end of April, the English language will be 1 million words strong. At least it will be if you believe the Global Language Monitor, an organization that uses live people combined with computer algorithms and chicken entrails tossed into a fairy circle during...
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