‘Protect and Defend’

Politics and law collide in ‘Protect and Defend’

By Liesel Hofmann

LAWYERS are a dime a dozen. Ditto lawyers who write mediocre novels. But lawyers who write provocative, mesmermizing novels with a literary flourish are rare.

Richard North Patterson (a former trial lawyer, Ohio assistant attorney general, and the SEC’s liaison to the Watergate special prosecutor) is one of those few. In his 11th novel, Protect and Defend (Knopf; $26.95), written just before the recent ignominious presidential election, he is eerily prescient, focusing on a political-legal quagmire that builds up into an intellectual and emotional page-turner.

The fate of 49-year-old Caroline Masters, the first female nominee for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, coalesces with the fate of Mary Ann Tierney, a 15-year-old girl who seeks a late-term abortion against the wishes of her unbending pro-life parents–the hydrocephalic fetus is likely to be born without a brain and may endanger the girl’s fertility.

Nimbly wielding his literary scalpel, Patterson dissects the motivations and machinations of the movers and shakers in Washington. As he steers us through the labyrinthine corridors of judicial and political power, Patterson intersperses the abortion trial, the appeal, and Masters’ confirmation hearing with vignettes of the intrigues that are the lifeblood of Capitol Hill. The precedence of partisanship over principles is achingly familiar.

The major characters come vividly to life: Masters, whose keen ambitions are overshadowed by her compassion and integrity; politically brilliant President Kerry Kilcannon, a man of Clintonian intelligence and non-Clintonian principles, who whips up a “conspiracy of decency” and tries to put an end to the politics of scandal; Republican Sen. Chad Palmer (yes, Chad!), a John McCain-like politically independent military hero whose favorite maxim is “There are worse things in life than losing an election”; malevolent Majority Leader Macdonald Gage, who rules the Senate with “velvet tyranny” and, abetted by sleazy journalists, digs for dirt–any dirt–to bring Masters down; the unseasoned but gifted 29-year-old Sarah Dash, who represents Mary Ann and once clerked for Masters on a federal appeals court; Mary Ann and her father, Martin, torn with love for each other but each clinging to divergent beliefs.

And Patterson deftly limns the minor characters, often with a few choice words (a reactionary senator is “mean as a snake, with the sincere voice and constant eye contact of an evangelist or a stockbroker”).

Private lives are laid bare by the nationally televised abortion lawsuit, and devastating secrets are turned into public fodder by politicos whose moral compasses are so skewed that they suggest never-married Masters is lesbian, or, if straight, is probably sleeping with the president.

The courtroom scenes are almost unbearably realistic, to the point that they go on and on, though they could have been carefully shortened without loss of comprehension. But throughout the novel, Patterson infuses spurts of wit (Masters on minimalist short fiction: “stories where some deracinated male crawls out of bed, brushes his teeth, spends five pages deciding whether to leave his apartment, then doesn’t”); and so remarkably even-handed is Patterson’s treatment of the abortion issue that we never know for sure what side he favors.

Protect and Defend is backed up by formidable research, including talks with Patterson’s “old friend” former President George H. Bush and with President Clinton, who “shared his thoughts and opened doors.”

Judge Learned Hand once wrote that “the only country which any man has a right to love is one where there is a balanced judgment, justice founded on wisdom, a free spirit and a temperate mind.” Patterson confirms what a tall order that has increasingly proved to be.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Open Mic

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Peaceful Path

By Shepherd Bliss

MY COLLEGE SWEETHEART would argue that the Vietnam War was wrong. One day, during the mid-’60s, she invited me to hear Martin Luther Jr. I had recently finished basic training in the U.S. Army. I agreed to drive to Nebraska with her, mainly because I wanted an intimate overnight experience with my sweetie, not knowing much about King. I was born on a military base and had spent my life as a military dependent. Hearing King speak about racial justice, peace, and nonviolence dramatically changed my life.

King stimulated within me what is now called a “spiritual emergency.” The warrior world of my father’s lineage crashed, and I decided to attend seminary, following King’s ministerial path.

These memories have lain dormant. But as I prepare to nonviolently defend my home, land, and health from the chemical assault of forced pesticide spraying against the glassy-winged sharpshooter, they reappear vividly.

I was studying at the University of Chicago Divinity School in l968 when news of King’s assassination reached us. Our group, Seminarians Organized for Racial Justice, drove to the funeral in Atlanta and then to a march in Memphis, where King was killed. Our Illinois license plates marked us as outsiders, and we were literally stoned. Back in Chicago, I found myself in the streets with a group called Non-Violent Training and Action Center and soon in Mayor Daley’s Cook County Jail. My parents were not happy when I resigned my Army commission.

So the nonviolence that I plan to practice to resist the forced spraying emerges from a personal history. I simply cannot cooperate with the violation of property and civil rights that the county plan authorizes. When I first heard that plans to combat a small insect that does no harm to humans but can threaten grapevines could include the forced spraying of my organic farm, I did not believe it. As the plans that would end my livelihood and threaten the health of others became clearer, I knew that I needed to move toward direct action.

We are now preparing for nonviolent direct action to prevent state and local governments from the intended chemical assault. Our No Spray Action Network is fully committed to the principles of nonviolence with respect to both people and property. I encourage Sonoma County residents to consider the consequences of forced mass pesticide spraying to human and animal health and to our clean water.

It is simply not worth it to protect the profits of the luxury wine industry.

For further information, contact the No Spray Action Network online at no*********@***oo.com or call 707/874-3119.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Lee Press-On and the Nails

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Up from the Dead

Lee Press-On still comes out swinging

THE GRAVEYARD air is stinging, crisp, and cold. The crumbling cemetery sits waiting for a funeral in the misty winter afternoon light, while the faint chimes of church bells rise in the distance and Mr. Lee Press-On dances happily on his own grave.

OK, so it’s technically not Lee Press-On’s grave. In truth, he barely knows the occupant. Or occupants. But the enormous crypt he’s now strutting his stuff on does bear his name in big, bold, stone-carved letters. It glares down from the top of the ornate, 15-foot granite tomb.

It says LEE.

“I stumbled upon this crypt a few years ago,” remarks Press-On, with a wicked grin that makes his pencil-thin mustache arc up in a wide V. “I was taking a little stroll one day through the graveyard. I saw my name up here and thought, ‘Cool. That could be me.’ ”

Such thoughts would unsettle most mere mortals, but this one only makes Press-On giddy. Really giddy. Without warning, the little man lets loose a sweet, spontaneous burst of jitterbugging.

PRESS-ON is the whimsical leader and fierce driving force behind Lee Press-On and the Nails. That’s the goth-tinged Bay Area swing band that has been raising eyebrows and setting toes to tapping for about six years now.

Arriving on the scene in 1995, just before the swing craze that gave them a nice boost in popularity, Lee Press-On and the Nails–known to their fans as LPN–is arguably the most theatrical swing band on the scene, supporting a solid repertoire of authentically played swing tunes with an on-stage carnival of macabre merriment that has included choreographed fist fights and zoot-suited horn players who spit blood.

Then there’s the band leader himself. A consummate showman, he’s possessed of incredible stores of energy, bouncing, dancing, and skipping around like “some coked-out zombie” (in Lee’s words).

A master of improvisation, Press-On revels in his back-and-forth exchanges with the fans and fellow band members. He once invited the entire audience onstage, where he sat them down and told them a story.

At LPN’s recent appearance at Petaluma’s Mystic Theater, he snatched a European patron’s video camera and, after shooting in-your-face close-ups of the band, leaned in close to shout, “Hello! Hello! You over there in Europe. It’s Lee Press-On. Over here in A-mer-i-caaaaaa!”

Asked where he gets all that energy, he says, “I just really want people to get their money’s worth.”

Press-On–whose band opens for Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Jan. 12 at the Luther Burbank Center–often takes the stage in a blast of smoke, routinely popping out of a coffin with a scream before stalking up to the mike to “hiedie hiedie hie” his way through “The Ghost of Smokey Joe” or a swing version of “Ghost Riders in the Sky.”

Equally eerie, though undeniably classy, is the band’s sharp-tongued chanteuse, Leslie Presley, Press-On’s real-life wife, whose midshow appearance is always greeted by a loud audience shout of “Lesley! Presley!”

The band’s latest CD–Playing Dirty: LPN Live at the Derby–nicely captures the intensity of these shenanigans and shows Press-On’s musical versatility as he alternates between his scorching vocals and lively vibraphone playing.

But staying alive hasn’t been easy. Over the years, a revolving-door roster of musicians has hurt LPN a bit, frequently forcing the big band to re-establish its musical unity, while other swing acts have become household names. Moreover, the size of the band, currently a 10-piece ensemble, makes it expensive to operate.

Then there’s the slow decline in the swing fever, which has caused many bands to quit. Some superstar swing groups like the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies–whose latest CD was more punk than swing–have begun to rethink their dependence on the sound that made them famous. Though such bands are still getting gigs, the audiences–many of them hard-core swing dancers–have been much smaller now that the fad-hoppers have moved on.

“November,” Press-On admits with a wince, “was a pretty thin month.” But he insists he’s not worried.

“Our culture builds things up to Herculean proportions, and then delights in tearing them down,” he says. “I could care less whether I’m hip or not, though being hip was fun while it lasted. We’re not in this for the money, though that does put bread on the table and everything. We do this ’cause we love it. And having fewer people show up won’t stop us from loving it.”

THE MULTITALENTED scion of Marin College drama professor Harvey Susser, Press-On has put remarkable energy into building his gleefully sinister stage persona–often described as a cross between Gomez Addams and Pee-Wee Herman.

But he deflects most personal questions, preferring to keep his real life in the background, if not completely, um, buried. A pack of rabid wolves couldn’t drag his original name out of him; though offstage, Presley does get away with calling him Leland. Press-On will admit to being 35, but only as the setup to a typically dark joke.

“When John Belushi was my age,” he says, “he’d been dead two years.”

He also reluctantly confesses to having other alter egos; for instance, he’s played the part of Edgar Allen Poe at the San Francisco Dickens’ Christmas Fair for the last several years.

On the other hand, when it comes to his relationship with his wife, Press-On can’t keep himself from gushing a bit.

“She’s wonderful,” he says of Presley, whom he married just over four years ago and with whom he lives in San Rafael. One of their wedding gifts was a coffin they use as a coffee table. It’s the same coffin Lee leaps out of during his shows.

“Our relationship onstage–the whole affectionate Nick and Nora Charles thing–is pretty much the way we are,” Press-On says. “Couples come up to us after shows and say, ‘You two have been so inspirational to us in our relationship.’ We love that.”

“IT’S 38 SECONDS after midnight on KRCB FM,” Press-On reports. “I’m Lee Press-On, welcoming you to the Graveyard Shift.”

It’s Monday night in Rohnert Park, and Press-On is at the controls of the local public access station for his weekly two-hour radio show–a mix of swing music, comedy bits, show tunes, and unexpected comments.

“I’ve had an ear infection,” he confesses to his listeners. “So if you are the type who is squeamish, you might want to turn off the radio, because I’ve discovered that my ear can actually transmit noise.” With that, he places his ear to the microphone, pinches his nose, and blows.

A raspy, high-pitched squeak emits from his ear.

“I’m going to have that looked at tomorrow,” he announces, and returns to the music, playing “Big Boss Lee” by the Royal Crown Review, followed by a Hammond organ rendition of “Let it Snow” by Eddie Dunstedder.

Press-On has been doing the Graveyard Shift gratis for the last two years.

“It’s a shameless way to pimp the band,” he says, dancing and snapping along to the music, before stopping to massage his ear.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have done that ear thing,” he remarks. “I can’t hear a damn thing out of it now.”

Between songs, Press-On talks about why he loves swing. “Hey! This is the happiest music,” he says.

“Originally, swing came at a time when the world really needed something,” he explains. “The Great Depression was raging. People needed to get away from their troubles, and swing helped, even though the politicians at the time thought it was a morally corruptive form of music. That’s another thing I like about it. People used to think it was evil.”

Though swing faded after the ’40s, it never completely went away. There have been a steady number of big-band stations and ballroom swing-dance clubs ever since. The upsurge of swing among young people came in the mid-90s, edged forward by the cult-film Swing Kids. It was pushed into hyperdrive by, among other things, that infamous “Jump, Jive, and Wail” Gap commercial on TV. Suddenly swing was hot.

Now it’s not. In fact, isn’t it officially dead?

“Dying is not the same as dead,” Press-On says, “though locally it might appear that way. We actually have a bigger following in L.A. than we do around here. Swing is very popular in L.A. But it’s true. A lot of clubs are shying away from swing. Even so, swing is not going to vanish into obscurity. Swing was here before the craze, and swing will be around after.”

“NO MATTER what happens with swing, as a musical fad, Lee Press-On has a chance to survive because his act is more than swing. It’s a total show.”

This endorsement comes from Santa Rosa’s David, from the popular swing-dance teaching team known as David and Sirkl. The dynamic duo has been teaching swing lessons since the height of the movement and, says David, has never been busier than it is now. “We’re actually glad that a lot of the fad people have dropped away,” he says. “What’s left are the people who really care about this music.”

David, it turns out, first caught the swing bug when a friend took him to an LPN show. “It literally changed my life,” he says. “Lee knows how to put on a show that entertains the people who stay in their seats, and also gives a good time to the people who come to dance.”

According to David, he and Sirkl have around 800 students who are active North Bay swingers, traveling to whatever club has the music that night. “When people tell me swing is dead, I laugh,” he says. “If it’s dead, then what are we doing every night?”

Or, in the words of LPN fan Lora Lorden, minutes after leaving the floor during the Mystic show, “If swing is dead, I just got bruises on my shins from all those ghosts out on the dance floor.”

“‘GHOSTS ON the dance floor.’ I like that image,” says Press-On, concluding his tour of his favorite graveyard. Returning to the delightful LEE crypt, Press-On is moved to consider what kind of epitaph he might want on his own tombstone.

“How about, ‘Here lies Lee Press-on. Finally’?” he suggests. “Or maybe, ‘Hey. I told you I was sick.’ ”

What about “Here lies Lee Press-On. NOW you can say swing is dead”?

Press-On laughs, dancing out a few final steps in front of the tomb. “Hey, I like that,” he says “It’s perfect.”

Lee Press-On and the Nails open for Big Bad Voodoo Daddy on Friday, Jan. 12, at 8 p.m. at the Luther Burbank Center, 50 Mark West Springs Road, Santa Rosa. Tickets are $20. For details, call 707/546-3600.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

The Wide-Eyed Gourmet

It’s winter and thoughts turn to the motherland

By Marina Wolf

THE NIGHTS ARE COLD, my job sucks, and cabbage is the freshest thing in the produce aisle. Don’t bother me. I’m having a Russia moment. They come along every winter, when I look up and remember that good tomatoes are at least six or seven months away. It might be just another case of seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, except I have a place and time to attach to the feeling: St. Petersburg, 1992-93. I’m simply homesick.

Why I should have warm feelings for this winter wonderland of food shortages is not immediately clear, even to myself. This was a place in which sugar disappeared from stores for weeks at a time, and the best price for fish could be found in the back of a dirty truck. Aren’t I just romanticizing a state of anarchic malnutrition?

Yes and no. Yes, my experience was rosier than the reality for most Russians. My companion and I were earning dollars, which meant that the farmers’ markets, with decent produce at exorbitant prices, were a viable option. And there were two of us to stand in lines, plus a Russian roommate who was happy to schlep shopping bags and make Turkish coffee in exchange for his share of the rent.

In spite of such luxuries, however, the pursuit of food demanded a significant expenditure of time, money, and energy, so we learned to appreciate the thrill of the hunt. There was always something on the street, melons from Moldavia or soy sauce or British crackers. One December we feasted for three weeks on mandarin and blood oranges, which had entered the country as aid from Italy and “fell off the back of a truck” at prices well below market value. If that’s not a humanitarian act, I don’t know what is.

The deli shops had their moments of excitement, too. If you could see past the smudged showcases and cats dozing on the scales (hey, at least there weren’t any mice!), there were some real finds, like imported Dutch cheese, instead of the chalky domestic stuff. As for the kielbasa counters, well, charcuterie would be too posh a term for the coarse-grained, thick-skinned bologna, but when meat prices soared, we looked.

It’s a long drive for what is essentially dry-cured pork fat, but the smell of it, salty and rich, takes me back to a little shop near the Mayakovskaya metro station. There the hurried shopkeeper pulled a small piece of salo out of a barrel of salt, brushed it off, and wrapped it in plain waxed paper, as expertly as an origami artist.

Our Russian roommate showed us how to cut it into bits, fry it crisp, and crack eggs over the whole greasy mess. Traditionally, though, salo was eaten raw on bread spread with fiery mustard.

I have the mustard; at the back of my cupboard, all that’s missing is the salo. And yes, I know about cholesterol and trichinosis, but I don’t care. I just need a break from here and now, and a taste from then and there might help.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Well-Being

Mind, Body, Spirit

Wellness is all in your head

By Nancy Stearns Bercaw

WHO THE HELL do you think you are? Sort through the media’s images of who you should be. Measure them against the self that some say is determined by genetic makeup. Cross-reference with the self your parents raised you to be. And if you can’t stand your concocted self, you can always adopt a Prozac-induced persona.

Or, you can ask Richard DeGrandpre, Ph.D., visiting assisting professor of psychology at St. Michael’s College, Burlington, Vt., and prolific author on the subjects of “health and self.” His forthcoming book, The Changeable Self, co-written with well-published psychologist Stanton Peele, challenges the recent wave of behavioral genetic research and champions mind over gray matter.

DeGrandpre’s answer is this: You are who you think you are. Stop blaming your genes, your Calvin Klein jeans, your inner child, and your dysfunctional parents. Stop consoling ills by popping pills. In other words, get a hold of yourself.

“It appears that as the world is becoming a more stressful, impersonal, and harsh place,” explains the 32-year-old graduate of the University of Vermont, “people are more willing to give up on their sense of self-determination and freedom, embracing instead crippling ideas about how childhood or genetic history predetermines one’s future.”

In DeGrandpre’s view, the age-old question of free will vs. fate is best addressed by social critics, not maddening scientists. Biology lets us off the hook with the “my-genes-made-me-do-it” paradigm. Pop psychology provides quick fixes for broken psyches. But sociology holds society accountable. What we have on our hands is a cultural tragedy, he posits, and what we need is to change our minds about what’s important.

DeGrandpre doesn’t mean to sound like a motivational speaker, a spiritual guru, or a patronizing shrink; he simply intends to promote genuine well-being over the guise of well-becoming. His model is that hopelessness is a modern construct fueled by the capitalist rat race.

In fact, he elucidates, it’s only the so-called advanced societies that suffer from suicide, depression, and like-minded problems–“the inevitable by-products of an inward, materialistic culture,” he says. “If you’re caught up in keeping up with the Joneses, there is no solution. You can never achieve the romanticized version of chronic bliss. It will always elude you.”

But people who simplify their lives, he adds, find that they gain a lot by losing a lot. It’s the pursuit of happiness that has made us unhappy. We’re miserable because there’s no finish line. The corporate American mandate is to consume and to possess, which sends vastly conflicting messages to our heads. Our society is now marked by dichotomous diseases: We weigh in with the highest incidence of both anorexia and obesity.

DeGrandpre believes that we’re hurdling toward a giant national nervous breakdown. The trend almost reversed itself in the ’60s when dropping out spawned new social orders like communal living. But the ’90s and the present seem to be about opting out entirely. This is a decade of self-indulgent angst where body piercing is perceived as the alternative and amphetamines are the panacea. This is a time when genes are the bad guy. This is a place where money talks and we listen to Prozac. This is your brain on hiatus.

“As the inside gets more and more shallow, the outside gets more and more decorated,” DeGrandpre cautions. “And as long as you only consider simple and easily adoptable solutions, you’re not engaging the long-term struggle to reclaim some sane identity.”

Feeling that we’re losing our minds results from the extreme messages we receive. “There’s a tendency to polarize the narcissistic self from the socially oriented self. It has become a question of inwardness versus outwardness. Strike a balance between selfishness and selflessness,” DeGrandpre recommends. “Give up the roller-coaster ride of ambition to recover a mediated existence.”

THE ULTIMATE goal should be to change society, not individual perceptions. We can’t all be well until the trappings that make us sick are removed. A great deal of what Western medicine calls developmental problems are really social diseases, according to DeGrandpre, who dismisses the rise of attention deficit disorder as “a wholesale psychiatric myth.”

“There always have been a few excessively hyperactive kids, but what I’m saying is that one of the behavioral by-products of this high-saturation population are new inattentive and hyperactive children,” he explains. “In a classroom setting where things don’t go that fast, students fall into self-stimulation behaviors. Classrooms are out of date with high-speed society. But the answer is to slow down the world, not speed up the classroom.”

Basically, we’re unable to feel at home with ourselves when external stimulation shuts down. For evidence, DeGrandpre contrasts our current sensory-laden lifestyles with those at the turn of the century, when the debut of silent movies actually made people nauseous. Today, even billion-dollar thrillers can be boring. Kicks just keep getting harder to find.

Certainly part of the problem has been “prosthetic solutions.” Give a drug to solve a need, which creates further need. “Ritalin use has increased 2.5 times since 1995,” DeGrandpre points out. “Pretty soon all parents will want their kids on it, which is far more likely to create an intolerance of difference, rather than improved childhood well-being. With more prosthetics available, it’s becoming more acceptable to ridicule exceptional people than to fight for social justice.”

A one-dimensional Cosmetic Self–characterized by high-tech, super-duper treatments–is emerging. We’re nipping and tucking, buying and selling, and kicking and screaming our way to becoming just like everyone else.

But the obstacles are external and eternal. The world just isn’t worth being well for, so we’ve found a number of reasons to justify our perceived shortcomings, and an equal number of ways to overcompensate.

What’s most disturbing to DeGrandpre is this very shift from the social community to the individualized psychological society that breeds marketable solutions like drugs and short-term fixes. “Corporate America doesn’t make a buck on social change. The message is, if it can’t be sold, then it’s not an option for change,” he laments. “It seems we can’t have a moral society and capitalist one at the same time.”

THE ONLY cure will be a critical mass of dissatisfaction, DeGrandpre contends. Everything else is a Band-Aid. “The New Age movement is a classic example of American narcissism. It’s a cultural phenomenon,” says the social psychologist cum Marxist philosopher. “People remove themselves from mainstream culture, but still adopt rituals, practices and ideals that are highly individualistic, rather than reorganizing into social groups that can really care for each other.”

Apparently I’m OK, you’re OK, but the world isn’t. In the classroom, DeGrandpre tries to emphasize the power and influence of social and historical forces on thought and action. “There is nothing inside you that needs to be searched for and fixed,” he counsels. “The depth metaphor of inwardness sets the stage for current ideas like the wounded inner child and the gene myth.”

The truth is that we need to be more co-dependent–not, as one bestselling self-help book advised, Co-dependent No More. The only way out of this self-absorbed black hole, warns DeGrandpre, is to be sympathetic and selfless. Real mental health will come from reorganizing our lives around a responsible agenda. People who sacrifice their own personal gain for the improvement of others should be the new role models.

“It doesn’t matter whether free will or fate prevails once you believe that you’re not in control,” DeGrandpre urges. “The hundreds of stories we hear about people overcoming obstacles tell us that genetics and childhood as prophecy are moot when we take responsibility for ourselves.”

DeGrandpre isn’t advocating a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” work ethic. He is instead lobbying for humans to literally pull together. And only then will we be well.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Health and Nutrition

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Shedding pounds naturally by eating healthfully

By Sarah Martel

AND NOW for the anticlimax: the holiday frenzy is over, the rich holiday foods gobbled up, and very possibly you feel lousy. As the last few weeks may have made all too obvious, there’s a vital link between what you eat and drink and how well you feel and look.

But cheer up. You can bounce back better than ever. Follow these small, easy steps and you’ll soon see and feel a difference.

1. Activate your body’s natural cleansing and healing mechanism.

Whole vegetables and fruit are 85 to 95 percent water. Since the body is 70 percent water, try increasing your intake of these foods. Whole, raw, juicy fruit–not a pasteurized fruit juice–and water-rich vegetables, along with six to eight glasses of pure water a day, deliver the nutrients you need to support the health of your body’s 6 trillion cells.

2. Adopt a healthy morning routine.

Try to begin the day with 12 to 16 ounces of pure water, warm if you like, with the juice of 1/4 fresh lemon or a cup of fresh ginger tea. If only a java jolt will get you out of your stupor, try to postpone it until at least 10 a.m. Here’s a breakfast for high energy and natural weight loss: a fruit salad with two juicy fruits, 1/2 a ripe banana, and 1/4 cup of raw sunflower seeds or almonds that have been soaked in water overnight. If you thrive on more protein in the morning, make a vegetable omelet using one or two egg whites and one yolk (from an organically fed free-range chicken, if possible) and chopped veggies.

If you prefer grains, try quinoa or millet for an easy-to-digest whole grain rich in absorbable nutrients, including proteins. Serve it with almond milk, fresh fruit, or a teaspoon of maple syrup. Refined cereals like Wheatena or Cream of Wheat just don’t cut it. Amid all the eye-catching hoopla on boxed cold cereals you’ll often see the words natural and grain, but read the fine print and you’ll note that the main ingredients are refined grains (carbohydrates that quickly turn to sugar and soon have you craving even more sweets), sugar (in various disguises), and salt.

3. Replace processed foods with whole foods.

Refined foods require tremendous digestive energy and don’t deliver the nutrients you need. Rely on the real stuff. For example: corn on the cob rather than corn chips; an apple instead of applesauce; brown rice in place of white rice; a baked potato instead of fries; an orange rather than orange juice.

4. Eat lighter and earlier in the evening.

Since digestion takes more energy than any other body activity, you don’t want to make it work so hard while you sleep. Ideally, you should have completed digestion of the day’s foods by the time you hit the sack, so that energy can be freed up for healing and recuperating. A light evening meal could be a large salad with dressing you love (but not a cheesy one) and a bowl of vegetable or lentil soup; or a pot of steamed vegetables, including leafy greens and a starchy vegetable such as yams or winter squash, and a salad; or vegetable mu-shu or a vegetable stir-fry with brown rice; or a tostada (Mexican-style tortilla) topped with beans and rice, steamed veggies, and shredded lettuce and tomato–without the sour cream or cheese (guacamole is fine).

Above all, don’t think you have to go on a stringent diet to shed those pounds. If denied calories, the body, anticipating famine, starts to store fat and slow down your metabolism, making the problem worse. You don’t even have to deprive yourself of rich or refined foods. Trouble is, you probably don’t stop after just a taste. But, after all, does a big slice of rich cake taste any better than a small slice slowly savored?

The simple steps suggested here really work. They’ll help you achieve moderation, regain and maintain your vitality, and encourage natural weight loss without effort. Follow them and your body–and your mirror–will thank you.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Newsgrinder

Important events as reported by daily newspapers and summarized by Daedalus Howell.

Wednesday 01.03.01

Petaluma’s ArgusCourier.com reports that police took into custody a woman occupying a downtown doorway “with grass and twigs in her hair and clothing, talking about suicide.” No word why the fuzz targeted the outdoor production of A Midsummer’s’ Night Dream, but the production flagged without the actress who was portraying the mercurial woodland fairy Puck (“Pretty soul! She durst not lie near this lack-love, this kill-courtesy”). Several members of the awestruck audience were charged with loitering.

Thursday 01.04.01

An apparent group of student vandals qua asbestos-abatement vigilantes rained righteous terror upon Terra Linda High School by breaking into the main hall and turning on a faucet that soaked 14 classrooms, a computer lab, and the library, according to the Marin Independent Journal. “I don’t want to believe it was one of our kids,” said Principal Biff Barnes, in utter denial. “I just desperately want to find out who did this and punish them as completely as the law would allow.” Investigators believe the culprits entered the school through a window, thereby eluding an apparently useless security system. They then entered a second-floor utility closet, hooked a hose to the faucet in the sink, and cranked up the spigot, where the hose remained until neighbors reported flooding out of the school. The water has seeped under asbestos tiles in the library and hallway, spurring their removal (boo-hoo–we can’t have soggy cancer-causing agents on school grounds, now can we?).

Saturday 01.06.01

Santa Rosa officials shut down fast-food restaurant the China Inn after police witnessed dumping of grease, cooking oil, and food waste into the city’s storm-water system. The restaurant’s corporate president, Claude Alexandre, blamed the dumping on morally deficient “low-level, minimum-wage employees” (gotta love those corporate types). “I don’t know why it’s a big thing,” he told the Press Democrat. It’s a big thing, Claude, because the underground drain eventually flows to the Russian River and would fuck up the city’s wastewater-dumping. Environmental inspectors have not documented the damage to fish, but are certain the creatures are nonplussed by the Chinese food detritus.

Saturday 01.06.01

That two-headed hydra of investigative prowess cleaved from the San Rafael Police Department and the FBI say there’s a “strong possibility” that a man who recently robbed a downtown San Rafael bank, unaided by any order of disguise, might also have robbed another bank three blocks away last November, reported the Marin Independent Journal. The bureau’s Special Agent Andrew Black agreed: “There is a strong possibility that it’s the same guy.” In both cases, Black said, the robber waited in line and approached a teller without a mask or other disguise, quietly demanded money, and bailed. The suspects in both cases were described by witnesses as white, middle-aged, about 5-foot-9, 150 pounds, and wearing a denim jacket and a baseball cap embroidered across which was the tell-tale epitaph “I am a bank robber.” This is why agent Black is “special.”

Sunday 01.07.01

The big bad wolves at Philip Morris are trying to huff and puff and blow smoke in the eyes of Terra Linda High School students, reports the IJ. The manufacturer of Marlboro, Virginia Slims, and lung cancer delivered a raft of book covers to the Marin County school as part of its “youth smoking prevention effort.” Critics contend the book covers are riddled with subliminal images touting the pleasures of smoking. One design depicts a young man on a snowboard with clouds and mountains in the background. But the red-tipped snowboard looks suspiciously like a cigarette, and the clouds look like smoke. “Young people will recognize the fact that when you look at the picture, it looks like a cigarette,” said Jennie Cook, chairwoman of the state Tobacco Education Oversight Committee and a member of the Marin Tobacco Coalition. “It is putting a cigarette in front of them and making it look glamorous.” A 1998 law forbids the marketing of tobacco products to minors. But the use of “smoke and mirrors” in cigarette advertising apparently remains legal.

Sunday 01.07.01

In a tragic spin on their HeatWave Bag pizza delivery promotion (“crisper crust, bubbling cheese, and hotter toppings”), 40-year-old Napa Domino’s employee Martin Berg was arrested for arson and two counts of cruelty to animals after allegedly setting a kitten on fire. “It was shocking that somebody could do this to an animal and just walk away from it,” Napa Police Cpl. Kirk Premo said to the Napa Valley Register (vs. lighting it on fire and stomping it out?). The suspect allegedly “took the cat out of the truck, poured charcoal lighter fluid on it, and lit the cat on fire,” Premo said. The kitten was found alive and taken to a veterinarian, who was unable to save it. Bad Andy. Bad Martin, too.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘Jazz’

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Trumpet master: Clifford Brown, who died in a 1956 car crash, remains a major influence on today’s young jazz lions.

Sour Note

When it comes to his ‘Jazz’ series, filmmaker Ken Burns could have done better

By Harvey Pekar

IN ORDER to understand Ken Burns’ objectives in his 10-segment, 19-hour PBS series Jazz, let me quote some of his comments: “All the jazz critics who are sort of sharpening their knives miss the whole point of this. . . . I see jazz as a particularly objective mirror of who we are as a people, far beyond the music, and telling the story of the music helps us understand ourselves in a much larger sense. . . . What we’re trying to do is enlarge the jazz audience. These people in their ‘academic purity,’ you know, are not being friends of the music they purport to love. . . .

“I’m not really concerned with the jazz community. . . I have to focus most of my attention on reaching that 99 percent for whom jazz is an esoteric, dense, and unapproachable music, made so not by the music but by the people who talk, write, argue, and fight about it. So there is a paradox.”

What Burns seems to be saying is that jazz would be far more popular if people quit arguing about it and united to praise his work. Unfortunately, as part of the crotchety 1 percent, I find that Burns’ series leaves a lot to be desired, and most of the people I’ve talked to about it have been disappointed to at least some extent, though some say, “Well, at least it’s better than nothing.”

Burns admits that he knew virtually nothing about jazz before beginning his project and that General Motors “gave us 35 percent of the $14 million budget for Jazz.” In fact, a publicist for the project asked me to be sure to mention GM’s sponsorship of the series in this article.

GM is putting up that kind of money for a reason. The company views it as an investment aimed at improving public relations and ultimately selling more products. To do that Burns is going to have to reach a mass audience. Therefore he can’t make his work too intellectually rigorous and has to incorporate discussions of nonmusical subjects that nonjazz fans will find interesting. This should not have been difficult for him to accomplish, since he already wants to use jazz history to attempt to mirror the American people “far beyond the music” and to “help us understand ourselves in a much larger sense.”

It is understandable then, that Jazz–which debuted Jan. 8 and airs on selected nights through Jan. 31–contains much political and social material in it about race relations, the Depression, World War II, and other topics that have a more general appeal to viewers than jazz.

It don’t mean a thing…: Duke Ellington savors Ella Fitzgerald’s show.

The series’ narrators and interviewees emphasize anecdotal material rather than technical music commentary. There is much information provided here about the substance abuse problems of jazz artists, from Buddy Bolden to Charlie Parker. Interviewees include not only musicians but also a number of authors, some of whom don’t specialize in writing about jazz, plus Negro League baseball great Buck O’Neil and actor Ossie Davis. They, like many of the commentators, offer the kind of not-particularly-enlightening impressions about jazz that one could get from just about any fan. One assumes they’re on Burn’s roster to provide celebrity appeal, in Davis’ case, and the recollections of a grand old man, in O’Neil’s.

The 10 programs are arranged chronologically. The acute viewer will notice that the first through ninth programs cover periods of from three to 10 years each; the 10th deals with 40 years–or 40 per cent–of jazz history.

At least that’s the way I see it.

Lynn Novick, who co-produced Jazz with Burns, has a different definition of history than mine. In interviewing her, I mentioned that to me history is everything that’d happened, even if it was one second ago. But Novick didn’t agree. To her, events aren’t history until a consensus about them has been reached and set in stone. Like Burns, she thought the jury was still out on many jazz musicians who had come to the fore since 1960, and consequently they are given short shrift or no shrift in Jazz, although some are middle-aged or old by now. Novick urged me, even if I thought experimental jazz artists of the past 40 years had been given too little attention during the last show, to consider seriously and hopefully praise the other nine episodes.

To her, I was most critical of only 10 per cent of the series.

However, Burns and Co. have virtually ignored almost 40 per cent of jazz’s history. Even in the last chapter, the work of innovative young jazz musicians and new developments in the idiom were dealt with less than the latter stages of the careers of Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington, who are covered from birth to death, and even less than the work of reactionary younger musicians like Wynton Marsalis, Joshua Redman, and James Carter, all of whom employ styles that were created before they were born and are very imitative musicians with no interest in adding to jazz’s vocabulary, expanding boundaries, pushing envelopes, etc. Joshua Redman’s father, Dewey, in fact, is a more modern stylist than he is. The Dixieland revivalists of the 1940s–Lu Watters, Turk Murphy, Bob Scobey–are not mentioned in Jazz because their work was so derivative.

Similarly, Marsalis and the so-called young lions have no business being covered, despite the large amount of media attention they’ve gotten, because they are just as derivative.

The idea implicit in the statements of Burns and Novick that the work of experimental musicians cannot be evaluated until decades after they’ve come to the fore is nonsensical. Consider Ornette Coleman. Before Coleman emerged, improvisers were taking more and more liberties with chord progressions, adhering less and less strictly to them. Moreover, beginning with Django Reinhardt’s “Improvisation,” cut in 1937, and continuing into the 1950s, a few free jazz records already had been made, most notably Lennie Tristano’s Intuition and Digression. Even then, it seemed inevitable that a jazz musician would come along who would play free jazz on a regular rather than sporadic basis, and that whoever got national attention for doing this first would probably be recognized as a great artist. Coleman made this step, though he always credited Dallas/Fort Worth saxman Red Connor with doing it before him. He’d taken the necessary big step; he’d made the big breakthrough.

And, of course, he’s in the jazz pantheon now.

If you follow the evolution of an art form closely and are able to enjoy innovations in it over the years, you shouldn’t need a whole lot of time to evaluate the work of an avant-garde artist. Musicians, including free-jazz innovators Joe Maneri, John Zorn, Mark Dresser, Chris Speed, Joey Baron, and, going back to the 1960s, Albert Ayler, Anthony Braxton, Henry Threadgill and Paul Bley, have been keeping jazz or the jazz tradition alive, even if the Lincoln Center crowd doesn’t want to recognize their work with their innovations, while Marsalis merely mimics earlier jazz artists. So guess who Burns makes the most visible figure in Jazz.

Marsalis, of course.

Burns tapped Marsalis as lead commentator for his series because the trumpeter is well known, the darling of PBS–a box office draw. I will say, though, that when it comes to pre-1960s, Marsalis knows what he’s talking about. He has meticulously studied the styles of the men he copies and knows what makes them tick.

Livin’ on Monk time: Composer Thelonious Sphere Monk was dismissed by many as an eccentric with little talent. How wrong critics can be.

INDEED, Burns has been pretty shrewd about the way he’s put this show together, regardless of how little use I have for it. It’s mentioned in Jazz that “big-band swing accounted for 70 percent of the profits in the [American] music industry” at one time. Now Burns sees himself as an important chronicler of the American scene; he views his Civil War, baseball, and jazz series as an American trilogy. Beyond being a historian, he sees himself as a player, and wants to have a role in getting jazz back up toward that 70 percent share, as he’s stated above, as does Novick. To do this Burns doesn’t need to preach to the converted–that is, the small number of committed jazz fans. He’s got to go after the uninitiated, and he has a pretty good idea of what they want, because until recently he was one of them, and he still probably doesn’t know much about the music.

In any event, he’s developed a strategy to hook the general public.

It involves the use of a large group of commentators, including writers, musicians, record producers, promoters, club owners, and musicians’ wives and relatives.

Add O’Neil and Davis and you’ve got a varied and colorful group of people who chip in a bunch of anecdotes calculated to entertain a mass audience.

But Burns doesn’t want to bore viewers with a lot of talk about mere jazz music, so he dilutes it by dealing with other issues, some “far beyond the music . . . to help us understand ourselves in a larger sense.” In the process, we learn that Burns has some beliefs that all of us can agree with and rally behind. He is, for example, for democracy and racial equality and against lynching and fascism.

Moreover, Burns is always looking at jazz as a microcosm or a metaphor. He’s stated, “[J]azz. . . in addition to being a pretty objective witness to the 20th century, was also a vision of the redemptive future possibilities of our republic. Because embedded in the message of jazz is a finely tuned constitution at work: all people listening, incorporating, dealing with the question of the individual as well as the collective. And you have essentially in jazz a model of what we become when we live out, as Dr. King would say, the true meaning of our creed.”

Marsalis opens one show by saying that “jazz objectifies America.” We learn also from Marsalis that a jazz band works the same way a democracy does. And Burns plays the patriotism card. We are told that only in America could jazz have evolved.

Bleah!

I wonder if Burns has considered that only in Eastern Europe did klezmer evolve, only in Cuba did the son evolve, only in Brazil did the samba evolve, only in Italy did Italian opera evolve, only in France did French pastry evolve. Every nation has something unique about it, for crying out loud.

Regarding the similarities between jazz and democracy, jazz isn’t unique in being a form of collective activity that involves cooperation between individuals. Volleyball does as well. Can we, then, look forward to Burns doing a series on the history of volleyball?

I realize that the history of jazz may not seem as important in itself to Burns as other “larger” issues. On the other hand, I’m sick of writers and filmmakers who use music as a means to an end to discuss their favorite political and social issues. Frequently they do this because they don’t have anything important to say about the music. I wish more of them would deal more directly with the stuff that’s most important to them instead of trying to get at it in a roundabout way that is sometimes ludicrous.

Jazz is important enough to be dealt with as an end in itself. As it is, Burns deals with jazz and politics in a half-baked way.

As for the notion that Jazz is going to play a part in reviving the music, Burns can forget it, although there may be a slight upturn in record sales. A relatively small number of retro performers, including Marsalis and Redman, are doing well for themselves, but they’re not going to bring back the days when jazz and pop music were virtually synonymous. The vast majority of young people are involved with the music of today, not 50 years ago. Moreover, from the advent of bop to the present, ,jazz has been too difficult for most people to make sense of. The average listener cannot follow a 1948 Charlie Parker solo any more than figure out a 75-year-old Arnold Schoenberg composition or a Mark Rothko abstract painting.

Throughout the 19th century, the public was able to catch up with the work of experimental artists after a few decades had passed. However, 20th-century modernism confuses people now as much as it did in 1915 or 1930.

What Burns could’ve done without damaging the commercial appeal of his series was to give more attention to the efforts of today’s innovators, whose performances might have posed difficulties for most viewers, but no more so than the stuff he used by Parker, Coltrane, and Coleman. Guys like Maneri and Dresser are unlikely to get rich with their music, but more people out there would support them if they could at least hear it.

I wish Burns had shown more interest in supporting the living.

The Hot Five: Trumpeter and jazz innovator Louis Armstrong (seated) with Johnny St. Cyr, Johnny Dodds, Kid Ory, and Lil Hardin Armstrong, circa 1925.

IN ADDITION to the television show, a five-CD history of jazz, Ken Burns Jazz: The Story of America’s Music (Epic/Legacy/Verve) and a $65 coffee-table book, Jazz: A History of America’s Music (Knopf; 2000), have been on the market for weeks to take advantage of the holiday retail opportunities.

The five-CD set, issued jointly by Columbia and Verve, draws material from many labels and is fine up to a point. Keep in mind, though, that just about any reasonably intelligent person could’ve put together four of the first five volumes if they’d read several good histories of jazz. The material on them is not only great, but often mentioned. However, the fifth volume contains some pretty debatable choices, dictated to an extent by opportunism.

But what’s really a drag is that there is a track a piece on the final CD by Marsalis and by his Lincoln Center repertoire band. Columbia co-produced this set, and apparently was determined to have its star attraction, Marsalis, represented, as ludicrous as it is to have him in the same set as Armstrong, Ellington, and Parker.

As in the TV series, a bunch of important innovators from the 1960s to the present aren’t included on the Jazz CDs.

Burns and Geoffrey Ward are co-credited with having written the Jazz book, but Ward, who wrote the TV narratives for Jazz, Baseball, and The Civil War seems to have done most of the work. The basis for the Jazz book is his TV script, and, like it, the book is composed of 10 segments covering essentially the same material.

The book opens with Burn’s banal, cliché-ridden preface, during which it is claimed that “the genius of America is improvisation,” and that “the Constitution is the greatest improvisational document ever created.”

Pardon me, but the U.S. Constitution was not written in half an hour; its creation involved a great deal of preparation, debate, and discussion; it was not improvised, as ordinary school kids know. So what kind of crap are you handing us?

Burns then goes on to make the claim that Jazz offers “the explosive hypothesis that those who had the experience of being unfree in a free land might actually be at the center of our history. African-Americans in general, and black musicians in particular, carry a complicated message to the rest of us, a reminder of our great promise and our great failing, and the music they created and then generously shared with the rest of the world processes the contradictions many of us would rather ignore.”

This statement is a lot of melodramatic nonsense. Consider Burns’ contention that African-Americans “generously shared” their music with the rest of the world. Actually, non-African-Americans heard jazz, liked it, copied it, and/or shaped and modified it to suit their needs, just as African-Americans did with the music they heard that was created by whites in the States. It’s an aesthetically healthy exchange, but it’s mostly about hearing and taking without permission.

A love supreme: John Coltrane

Remarkable as jazz is, Burns’ statements about it are sometimes nebulous, hyperbolic, and absurd. He can make it a metaphor for anything he wants to, but jazz is a form of music, not a political movement. Moreover, he has ignored the musicians who are keeping it alive currently, that are adding to its vocabulary.

When I was a schoolkid, it always bothered me that history courses ended long before the present. I took a music appreciation course in 1951, and the most modern composer discussed was Tschaikowsky. The world history course ended with World War I. To me, history is useful primarily because of the light it sheds on contemporary events; the further it stops from the present, the less relevant it often is for me. By ignoring recent developments in jazz history, Burns makes it appear that its evolution is over.

By devoting so much time in his series to political issues and so little to music, he implicitly undermines jazz’s importance.

He does this explicitly when he constantly refers to jazz as part of a bigger picture, and as a metaphor. Burns’ work doesn’t harm jazz overall; it’ll probably help sell some recordings. It’s better than nothing. And because jazz is so difficult for Burns’ 99 percent of the public to understand, there’s not much he could’ve done for it.

But, man, he could’ve done better by it.

Jazz critic and comic-book artist Harvey Pekar lives in Texas. A longer version of this article appears this week in the ‘Austin Chronicle.’

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

1999/2000 Individual Visual Artists Grantee Showcase

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Leepa Asleep with Grass in Her Mouth.

Visual Variations

Falkirk Cultural Center showcases artist award winners

By Paula Harris

RARENESS is something of an art form at the Falkirk Cultural Center. For instance, if you imagine the art gallery at the San Rafael-based arts facility to be the usual sterile expanse of pale wall space, you may be surprised to learn the center is housed within the private rooms of an 1888 Victorian building replete with bay windows and fireplaces.

And to add to the rareness, you may also be surprised to learn that the Marin Arts Council routinely awards unrestricted grants to local artists–an unusual move in a field where grants usually come with a spider’s web of strings attached. Starting Friday, Jan. 19, the Falkirk Center will feature the work of the 14 grant recipients for the 1999/2000 Individual Visual Artists Grantee Showcase.

“The goal is to show the public some of the most outstanding work currently being created by Marin artists and to support the awards for visual arts,” explains Beth Goldberg, curator for the center. “It’s rare these days to find unrestricted grants funding for the arts.”

The Individual Artist Grants Program was developed 10 years ago by the Marin Arts Council in partnership with the Marin Community Center, the full funder of the program, says Alison DeJung, grants proposal coordinator for the Marin Arts Council. Some $100,000 is awarded in grants to local artists annually.

DeJung adds that the 1999/2000 call for artists attracted a wide range of entries in the four visual arts categories–22 crafts entries, 103 paintings, 31 photographs, and 28 sculptures.

Grantees in each category were selected by a panel of three jurors residing outside Marin County who are professionals in the discipline. This year’s judges included Susan Martin, a sculptor and academic adviser at the San Francisco Art Institute; Nora Kabat, associate curator for the friends of Ansel Adams Center; and Philip Linhares, chief curator of art for the Oakland Museum of California.

Goldberg says the judges selected a variety of artists: “Some are established and have been working for some time and are known, not nationally but in Marin, though not all.”

San Rafael painter Jorge Gamboa, 38, says he is surprised to get the award. “This is the third time I’ve tried for one of these grants,” he adds.

Gamboa, who works out of a small home studio–which he says county officials recently ruled to be illegal–says he received some $2,000. He describes his oil paintings as figurative, with some narrative elements thrown in. “I get an image and then try to put in narrative,” he explains. “It’s the old thing of a picture being worth a thousand words.”

All artists are slated to be in attendance at the opening event. The exhibit will show 36 pieces with works from each visual arts medium. Once again, the range of work is extensive. The paintings alone range from landscapes, to abstracts, to darker pieces reminiscent of the post-Vietnam War era.

In addition, Fairfax-based sculptor and grant recipient Lorraine Weglarz will create an installation on-site to enhance the Falkirk gallery.

From the January 11-17, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Lowell Darling

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Oh My Darling

Renegade artist runs conceptual campaign

By Paula Harris

“IF YOU WANT to run for president, it’s as easy as this,” declares internationally known (and infamous) conceptual artist Lowell Darling, as he flamboyantly presses a small green button on a copy machine and grins his infectious smirk. The photocopier whirs into action, a light flashes, and a copied page from the Florida Election Code slides out on crisp white paper.

“This is the first step,” he says.

Darling, 58, clad entirely in black, except for the barely visible red, white, and blue edges on a blacked-out campaign button pinned to his lapel, explains his theory: “If everyone runs for president, every vote would count and be counted,” he states.

The Camp Meeker (rather than Camp David) resident runs a hand through his shock of receding gray hair, then takes a pencil and scrawls that statement across a white wall in the Sonoma Museum of Visual Art, the current site of his “Run Yourself for President” exhibit.

This ultra-sparse exhibition may be a bewildering mystery to some observers. A few may even call it a publicity stunt by someone with a taste for celebrity–or a mere scam masquerading as art.

“Run Yourself” consists merely of packets of paperwork attached along the walls; a table full of election paraphernalia like books and buttons; a video playing on a TV; a 40-year-old tattered black derby hat filled with concrete next to a miniature boxing ring (to signify throwing one’s hat into the ring–if you’re able to lift it); drapes of red, blue, and black bunting–and the photocopy machine.

Of course, those familiar with Darling’s work will surmise that this is a humorous and ironic exhibit designed to provoke thought and question the American electoral process. The paperwork on view is a collection of the red tape involved in running for president. There are documents and application packages Darling amassed from various states and the Federal Election Commission when Darling himself ran for president last year. He subsequently withdrew in dismay because of the seemingly impossible procedures involved.

At the time, Darling’s main motive for running was to point out to American elementary school teachers that they should stop telling schoolchildren that anyone can grow up to be president, because it’s no longer so. “Anyone can’t be president,” he says. “It’s not our vote that elects the president. It’s a handful of campaign finance lawyers who decide.”

He says that, under the guise of political campaign reform, the two main political parties have legislated away this basic right and enduring American dream in the form of CFR-11 (the Code of Federal Regulations for Presidential Elections), which Darling calls a legal land mine.

“Only the candidates with 50 million bucks under their belts that are wealthy enough to hire expensive campaign and finance lawyers can navigate the legally treacherous maze of the CFR-11,” he asserts.

OVER THE course of an artistic career that began after art school in the late ’60s, Darling has been awarded several grants from the National Endowment for the Arts. Among his best-known work is the first artists’ website/exhibit at the Whitney Museum of American Art.

Now the irreverent artist is inviting everyone to run himself/herself for 2004 president: to come into the exhibit at SMOVA, photocopy the necessary paperwork, begin the application process–and basically flood the system.

“How many people can the Supreme Court take on?” Darling asks, eyes twinkling behind amber-tinted glasses. “I’m interested to see where this goes from here.”

Ever the explorer of American culture, Darling has been a tongue-in-cheek politician since 1978, when he ran for governor of California against Jerry Brown and captured some 67,000 (or 2 percent) of the vote. During that time, he created memorable political agit-props in the form of a glove-on-a-stick for germ-free handshaking and lips-on-a-stick for kissing babies.

Darling is a performance artists who plays to the media, a hip jokester whose previous artistic capers over the years have included lacing up a small portion of the San Andreas fault with ropes in order to save California from a major earthquake (a stunt captured by Rolling Stone magazine), and recently campaigning for U.S. president in Europe–where he told people that the office of the president was “too important to be left in the hands of Americans.”

Indeed, This Is Your Life: Fuck You was to be the title of a book that Darling never wrote that summed up his investigation of 20th-century American culture.

Darling has recognized political campaigning as an art form, and he uses video, buttons, paperwork, and humor to make his points. He calls himself a pro bono artist because he often does not produce a salable end-product, but rather a concept-driven work that evolves with public events.

“It’s an organic work,” Darling explains. “Like biology, it keeps changing. Art is not made, it’s willed. You make it happen.”

SMOVA director Gay Shelton compares Darling in some ways to the installation artist Christo because his medium is the news media, and the art itself is what occurs in the media as the exhibit happens.

“Darling gets an idea and makes an art show, but the whole process unfolds as he get more intrigued by current events and it becomes a work in progress,” Shelton says. “That’s why it’s so current.”

In this case, life has seemed to imitate art as the latest election mess outdoes Darling’s satire.

“This campaign was choreographing that campaign,” he says, shaking his head in wonderment. “The real political situation keeps matching this one lunacy for lunacy.”

Darling says he’s actually very happy about the election fiasco. “The country is having a big conversation that it needs–and this is my sentence,” he says, gesturing to the exhibit. “But it’s not a life sentence. Being president is a life sentence.”

But can anyone really become president using his ballsy system?

“Yes,” says Darling, not missing a beat. “If everyone runs, you will be most likely to vote for yourself–unless you have absolutely no self-esteem. And so if you get two votes you could win.

“All you need is one good suit and one good quote.”

Lowell Darling conducts a public tour of his exhibit on Saturday, Jan. 6, at 11:30 a.m. The exhibit continues through Feb. 18 at the Sonoma Museum of Visual Art, LBC, 50 Mark West Springs Road, Santa Rosa. Admission is $2. For details, call 707/527-0297.

From the January 4-10, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘Protect and Defend’

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‘Jazz’

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Leepa Asleep with Grass in Her Mouth. Visual Variations Falkirk Cultural Center showcases artist award winners By Paula Harris RARENESS is something of an art form at the Falkirk Cultural Center. For instance, if you imagine the art gallery at the San Rafael-based arts facility to be the usual sterile...

Lowell Darling

Oh My Darling Renegade artist runs conceptual campaign By Paula Harris "IF YOU WANT to run for president, it's as easy as this," declares internationally known (and infamous) conceptual artist Lowell Darling, as he flamboyantly presses a small green button on a copy machine and grins his infectious smirk. The photocopier...
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