Crazy Christmas Carol

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Crazy Christmas Carol

Once upon a time in 1994, I was cruising the record bins at Goodwill when I discovered, tucked between the dusty easy-listening LPs and housed in a white paper sleeve, a small, red flexi-disc called “Dinosaur Christmas Song.” It was weird. It piqued my interest. It was 35 cents.

I bought it and took it home, completely unaware that I had just welcomed into my life what would eventually become my favorite Christmas song of all time.

The record’s label was credited to “Coddingtown Center,” the Santa Rosa shopping mall where I’d spent many a listless childhood afternoon, and sure enough, when I put the needle on the flimsy piece of plastic, I was treated to a zany song all about how the very first Christmas ever was celebrated by dinosaurs on the land now known as the Coddingtown Shopping Center. What’s more, it was sung by a ridiculous man with a terrible thespian-reject British accent, fleshed out by a chorus of female backup singers and the constant groaning of dinosaurs in the background. Hear it for yourself.

In the song’s story, the dinosaurs of Coddingtown have a collective prophetic dream foreseeing the future (“There was singing and laughter in a funny kind of prehistoric way”) and work together to reenact their vision by scraping together some decorations (“They didn’t have bells and they didn’t have lights / But they had good feelings, so that’s all right”) and giving each other gifts (“just rocks, that’s all”) where Coddingtown now stands.I was instantly enamored with its godforsaken wackiness, and I promptly used it to torment my roommates.

But something happened during the ensuing 12 years of pulling out the “Dinosaur Christmas” record every December and playing it for anyone unlucky enough to be in my vicinity. I found that I secretly liked the song, even aimed, as it is, at atheist children who have accidentally swallowed PCP. In fact, Christmas just isn’t Christmas for me without hearing its utterly absurd lyrics, bizarrely recited by the high-minded singer over the song’s innocuous hook.

As the “Dinosaur Christmas Song” was plucked from my record collection each year, I would ask myself a long list of questions. Why does this record exist? Who in the world came up with this song, and who is that crazy guy singing it? How was it distributed to the public, and how could it have possibly benefited Coddingtown Shopping Center?

This year, I finally decided to try and find some answers to the riddle of “Dinosaur Christmas Song.”

I knew that I had to head first to Coddingtown. But I also knew that I couldn’t just stroll into the office wielding an arcane artifact from over 20 years ago, demanding an explanation. Therefore, I prepared myself as best I could. I had the record, but I also brought along a copy of the song on a CD and a small cassette recorder, cued up and at the ready. Even as I explained my case to the receptionist, I held out very little hope that I would be taken seriously.

But the holiday season does something to people–it touches them with humanity and opens them up to what in any other month would merely be a stupid idea. Soon the whole office had spilled out into the waiting area to try and figure out where my record came from, and as I played my cassette, I witnessed a huddle of office workers break into wide eyes and aghast smiles. Unfortunately, nobody knew anything.

“Ask the janitors. They’ve all been here longer than us,” someone offered. “Maybe it’s the same guy who sang ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer,'” guessed another.

I did get a tip, though. The woman who was assistant manager at Coddingtown in the 1980s–the era we estimated the record was made in–still worked for Codding Enterprises. I got her name and drove straight to the Codding offices, which, as one approaches, is a lot like the ascent to Hearst Castle: a long, lonesome road with an imposing and largely empty building at the end. Luckily, the woman I was looking for was down with my quest; she popped the CD straight into her computer.

“I totally remember listening to this in the office!” she quickly exclaimed, her face lighting up with the memory. She tapped her feet, and for a moment I even thought I caught her humming along–the only other person on this planet besides me who seemed to actually enjoy the “Dinosaur Christmas Song.” Prospects, all of a sudden, looked good. But alas.

“I have no idea where it came from,” she admitted. She seemed sad to say so. She also couldn’t recall how the record was distributed to the public. “It could have been one of the many marketing ideas we had at the time,” she sighed, explaining that she’d lost touch with the marketing director who might know.

But she gave me a tip to look up the 1980s Coddingtown manager, now working across town at Montgomery Village Shopping Center, and once again the future seemed bright. I clutched my record, kissed it and whispered sweet nothings into its grooves.

It seemed strange to me that no one had another copy of the “Dinosaur Christmas Song.” The record’s manufacturer, Eva-Tone, was the last plant in the United States to make flexi-discs, and checking with them in the early ’90s about prices, I discovered that the minimum order for flexi-discs was 10,000. That’s part of the reason they were given away in magazines and on cereal boxes for so many years, and also the reason why I was sure I’d find someone, somewhere, who remembered it.

Recording studios are where records are made, so over the weekend I stopped by Zone Recording, where decades of radio jingles–in fact, many for Coddingtown–have been recorded. “Nothing as cool as this, though,” said the engineer. I also got in touch with as many old-school radio veterans as I could find, who were all stumped. In a deranged stroke of abject desperation, I even started e-mailing the mp3 to total strangers. Nothing.

Word had been getting around, I suppose, because when I introduced myself at Montgomery Village on Monday morning, I was recognized as “that guy with the dinosaur record.” The manager was in, and finally I found out why the three-minute song that had been dominating my Christmases for the last 12 years was brought into the world.

“It was a promotion,” she cheerfully explained, “where a dinosaur came to Coddingtown for Breakfast with Santa, and everyone who came got a record to take home.” Most likely, I was told, the song belonged to an outside marketing company who reused the music, each time changing the lyrics to suit the needs of their ideas for shopping-center promotions. This one, naturally, just happens to involve children sitting around eating muffins with Santa Claus, hanging out with a huge fake dinosaur–and a pile of 9,800 leftover flexi-discs containing the greatest Christmas song of all time.

But unfortunately, that’s where it all ends. The old marketing director? Long gone. The name of the outside company who would have recorded the song? No clue. The Montgomery Village manager shook my hand and wished me luck, but honestly, if I am ever going to meet the man who wrote and sang my cherished “Dinosaur Christmas Song,” I’m going to need a lot more than luck.

I will need, as they say, a Christmas miracle.

Click here to hear the “Dinosaur Christmas Song”!

Five Actors, 80 Days

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December 13-19, 2006

Less is more. In the current climate of American theater, where shows with large casts are becoming a thing of the past due to escalating production costs, we will be seeing more and more shows like I Am My Own Wife and Stones in His Pockets, plays written for one or two actors who play dozens of characters single-handedly. One new example is Mark Brown’s creative comic-adventure adaptation of Jules Verne’s Around the World in 80 Days, opening Dec. 15 at the Sixth Street Playhouse. The production, by Santa Rosa’s award-winning Actors Theatre and directed by artistic director Argo Thompson, features five actors taking on 39 roles as they fly through Verne’s epic globe-trotting adventure in a stripped-down adaptation that heightens the humor and excitement while downplaying all of the you-were-there travelogue details of the novel.

The great cast features Paul Huberty as the big-dreaming gambler Phineas Fogg and the shockingly animated Tim Guigni of Napa’s Il Teatro Calamari. If the show turns out to be as good as its advance buzz, we’ll likely be seeing many more shows like it, smartly reduced entertainments that focus on talent and cleverness, doing a whole lot with a whole lot of little.

Around the World in 80 Days opens on Friday, Dec. 15, and runs Thursday-Sunday through Jan. 20. Thursday-Saturday at 8pm; Saturday and Sunday matinees at 2pm (no matinee Dec. 16). Sixth Street Playhouse, 52 W. Sixth St., Santa Rosa. $12-$25. 707.523.4185.


Museums and gallery notes.

Reviews of new book releases.

Reviews and previews of new plays, operas and symphony performances.

Reviews and previews of new dance performances and events.

Forging Ahead

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Forging Ahead

December 13-19, 2006

Made in the North Bay:

Stepping into the blacksmith’s forge in the heart of San Francisco’s SOMA district is like taking a step back in time. A power hammer made in 1910 lumbers imposingly next to the forge itself, which heats metal to 2000 degrees F through a natural-gas fire. Two men are putting the finishing touches on a beautiful bronze balcony: master blacksmith Angelo Garro and his apprentice, Jeff Burwell.

The 28-year-old Burwell, a trained painter and sculptor, warns the visitor, “Watch that saw. It has seven horsepower and can cut through anything.”

Not exactly fitting the image of a sweating, barrel-shaped blacksmith covered in coal dust and tattered rags, Burwell–who hails from Healdsburg–smiles. “Blacksmiths used to do all of this work by hand,” he explains, “which is why you get this image of a huge, muscular blacksmith when you think of that profession.” He laughs, “Today, all the hammering is done on the machine.”

Pulling out a pounded brass rod from a jumble of metal pieces, he hefts it in his hand.

“This is the first project I ever did with Angelo,” he says proudly. The once-round brass bar, which was reduced from half an inch to five-eighths, is beautifully hammered into a square length, the little strokes from hand-finishing on the anvil catching the light like a prism.

Malleable bronze is used most often at Garro’s Renaissance Forge in SOMA. The intricately detailed work is begun by creating a stainless steel jig that the bronze pieces are then worked around. Because all the work is hand-finished, each piece looks just a little bit different.

Like any dedicated craftsman, Burwell takes his work seriously. As a first-year art student, he never thought he’d be working as a blacksmith after graduation, but when he reflects on his first metal-working class it seems obvious that in metal lies his passion.

“It just gelled so fast,” Burwell says. “It’s the immediacy of welding, and hammering. It’s almost like Legos.”

After graduating from the California College of the Arts in San Francisco, Burwell burned out. So he hightailed it to Healdsburg and worked as a cellar rat at Geyser Peak for six months, fueling what is destined to be a lifelong passion for winemaking, before returning to live and work in San Francisco.

“I tried to find a job but couldn’t,” he recalls. “I mean, I had a painting major. What are you supposed to do with that?” An exhibit of Burwell’s work opens Dec. 15 at the Palette Art Cafe in Healdsburg.

Offering to work for free, Burwell approached the renowned blacksmith and forger Angelo Garro, the man who took Michael Pollan boar hunting, who finds Alice Waters her urban fennel and who is a longtime friend of his parents. Garro took Burwell under his wing one day a week, which turned into a full-time apprenticeship after just a few months.

“I wanted to learn more about metal, and it seemed like it would be a good trade to have under my belt,” Burwell says.

And although he follows his mentor when working at the forge, when Burwell gets into his own studio, the rules go out the door. Another artist, he says, might sit down and design a piece, sketching an outline. Burwell likes to sit down with a pile of “whatever” and go from there.

A pile of whatever?

“Yeah, you know, like steel dust, and I did a lot of epoxy resin work this last year,” he explains. Discovering new ways of doing things is Burwell’s way. He describes his finished paintings as “happy accidents.”

Burwell’s large-scale paintings are abstracts reminiscent of landscapes both external and internal. He explains that he’s more involved in the surface and the textures of the materials themselves. And although Burwell says his paintings are more about the materials used than the representation, others beg to differ.

“When you squint your eyes, instead of a painting on the wall you see emotions, and human behavioral manifestations,” says Garro, Burwell’s mentor in metal and life.

These manifestations are sometimes calm, sometimes in conflict, and sometimes allegorical, evoking a sense of something that is better felt than explained.

“In Jeff’s sculpture, you see lines that cross, conflict each other even though it’s a human form,” Garro says. “People respond because they see themselves in it.”

Jeff Burwell and Jessica Martin exhibit mixed-media work Dec. 15-Jan. 28. An opening reception is slated for Saturday, Dec. 16, from 6pm to 8pm. Palette Art Cafe, 235 Healdsburg Ave., (behind the La Crema tasting room), Healdsburg, 707.433.2788.


First Bite

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December 13-19, 2006

For years, I ate and relished Mark Dierkhising’s tasty food when he cooked at the faculty club on the campus of Sonoma State University. I’ve just started to eat and relish the food he’s cooking at Dierk’s Parkside Cafe–right in my own neighborhood, and in walking distance of downtown Santa Rosa, too.

The place is so new that Dierkhising hasn’t had time to add the name “Dierk’s” to the old sign that’s still displayed outside. But anyone familiar with the old (or was it ancient?) Parkside will be surprised and perhaps even pleasantly shocked by the new menu, and the brand-new appearance of the place. A culinary cross between a cafe and a bistro, Dierk’s serves breakfast, lunch and brunch. The ingredients are fresh, the portions are large, the prices are right and the service is fast, though you can sit leisurely at the counter in comfortable stools and watch Dierkhising and his assistant work their wonders.

The boulevard burrito ($7.95) on a flour tortilla is stuffed with scrambled eggs, shredded chicken, cheddar cheese, black beans and red rice. It’s a meal in itself, and it comes with homemade salsa, too. When you order two eggs ($5.50), served any style you want, you get eggs done to perfection, plus masses of hash browns and toast. If you’re starving and can’t wait for scrambled eggs or an omelette ($7.50), start with one of Dierkhising’s trademark “pull-aparts” that taste like a doughnut but don’t have the hole.

The warm poached egg salad ($8.50) is served with two eggs, frisée, butter lettuce, chopped bacon, croutons and potatoes. The lunch menu includes burgers ($7.50) and a classy BLT ($8.50), as well as roasted chicken with homemade pasta ($9.50) and roasted salmon with white beans and vegetable stew ($12.50). The grilled Caggiano ham sandwich on a roll ($8.50) had so much ham that I could only eat half of it for lunch, saving the rest for a late afternoon snack.

Saturday mornings are my favorite time at Dierk’s. The place comes alive, and customers who used to eat at the old Parkside drift in, lingering at the cafe for conversation before drifting out, lending real character to the place. If you go now, you can be in at the birth of a restaurant that ought to be a set in a movie and that’s bound to become a Santa Rosa landmark.

Dierk’s Parkside Cafe, 404 Santa Rosa Ave., Santa Rosa. Open daily, 6:30am to 2:30pm. 707.573.5955.


Quick-and-dirty dashes through North Bay restaurants. These aren’t your standard “bring five friends and order everything on the menu” dining reviews.

Populist Purchases

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Populist Purchases

December 13-19, 2006

Made in the North Bay:


Hot Peppers is an appropriate name for a sweet little shop in downtown Sebastopol. The name of the game at this cooperative artisan guild is variety. And variety is what? Yes, it’s the spice of life. The shop opened in September 2006 on Main Street, and is a cooperative of about 20 local artisans.

The cooperative came together through the efforts of Paula Downing, the manager of the Sebastopol farmers market. The original 17 members were all vendors at the farmers market. Downing noticed when the storefront came open, saw that the rent was reasonable and quickly mobilized. She explained that craft shows, often the bread and butter for a craftsperson, are hard to get into and they’ve gotten so large, that the pie is divided into pieces too small to make much of a profit. She contacted the vendors she had been working with at the market over the last decade–a group she enjoys spending time with anyway–to see whether they’d be game for a regular place to show their handiwork. Almost everyone agreed to join.

The way it works is this: Everyone pays monthly dues that cover the rent and operating expenses. It’s not a strict co-op in that not everyone works the store, but those who do are paid for their time out of the dues. While they mind the store, the artists have time to work on their craft. The shopkeeper might be sewing, beading or even spinning wool while you browse. The store does carry a few things that are not locally crafted, like straw baskets and hats handmade in a village in Burkina Faso. But these items are imported by someone who once lived in the village where the baskets are made and who knows that the conditions are ethical and fair. Issues of fair trade and the jurying in of new artisans are handled by a committee of members. The shop will also periodically hold free art events, like wool-spinning demonstrations.

Downing’s involvement with the Sebastopol farmers market began when she grew plants to sell there. At the end of one season, about 13 years ago, the folks who were running it moved away and the market collapsed. Downing couldn’t stand the idea of the market dying, so she called a meeting at her house, organized the people involved and so revitalized the market. Downing says, “I’m fond of the feeling I get when I create something vibrant with other people,” and so, too, it seems are the townspeople at the beloved Sebastopol farmers market.

Here are a few of the many things you’ll find in the shop: jewelry made from crystals, semiprecious stones, abalone and hand-painted pendants; handmade straw baskets ($30) and hats from West Africa; therapeutic botanical salves, oils, sprays and sachets made from organic sustainable plants and crafted by an herbalist-aromatherapist-homeopathist (starting at $5); hand knitwear, including ponchos, shawls, sweaters, shrugs, hats and scarves, made from both natural (wool, alpaca, angora, cotton, rayon) and synthetic (polyamide, nylon and acrylic) fibers (starting at $10); hand-spun and dyed wool from the spinner’s own sheep (small skeins starting at $4); hand-painted, functional pottery (microwave-, dishwasher- and oven safe); simple, sturdy, colorful Waldorf dolls made from recycled wool and cotton ($25); botanical elixirs, tinctures, lotions and creams; spiral journals made from rescued children’s books ($12); gorgeous hand-loomed and embroidered wool shawls ($90); and more.

If you’re looking for a reasonably priced, unique, locally handcrafted gift for this holiday season, come have a poke around at Hot Peppers Artisan Guild, and you’ll be supporting local art at the same time!

Hot Peppers Artisan Guild, 207 N. Main St, Sebastopol. 707.829.3082.

Doing It for Themselves

Some of our favorite North Bay collectives

Artisans’ Co-Op Gallery A cooperative of over 40 artists: potters, spinners, weavers, glassblowers, quilters, felters, jewelry makers, painters, photographers and sculptors. Here you’ll find zany hats, impossibly soft hats, rabbit hats, even canine-hair hats! Also, beaded jewelry, locally grown, hand-spun wool of all kinds, knitting and spinning supplies, handmade furry leather booties, sweaters, rugs, photographs and more. Full members (who work two to three days per month, pay the rent and attend monthly meetings) receive 100 percent of the tag. So when you shop here, you know where your money is going. 17135-A Bodega Hwy., Bodega. 707.876.9830.

Arts Guild of Sonoma A collective of over 35 local artists and craftspeople who support and maintain the gallery. Monthly exhibits are kicked off the first Friday of every month with an artists’ reception from 6pm to 8pm. For the holiday, the gallery exhibits their “Holiday Invitational,” featuring local guest artists specially invited by Guild members and includes holiday-themed and festive jewelry, ornaments, wearable textiles like hand-painted silk scarves, and more. Come the new year, the Guild will be celebrating its 30th year. 140 East Napa St., Sonoma. 707.996.3115.

ArtWorks Downtown While not a traditional collective, ArtWorks does collect artists together, providing affordable studios, gallery space and a professional rotation to show artists’ work, art classes for the community and housing to qualified artists. They are supported by the public, including individuals, businesses and foundations. Look for high-end fine art, including paintings and sculpture, as well as jewelry, fiber arts, costumes and photography. 1331 Fourth St., San Rafael. 415.454.2711.

Blue Heron Gallery This storefront specializes in the art of Northern California artists, including painting in watercolor and oil as well as metal and wire art, Raku and photography by award-winning local artists. We particularly like the whimsical found-object creations of sculptor Phillip Glashoff. 6525 Washington St., Yountville. 707.944.2044.

Gallery Route One This is an artist-run collective with more than 20 members. The exhibits of painting, photography and sculpture change monthly, with an opening reception the first Sunday afternoon of each month. Artists work in a wide range of media, including hand-cast paper, monoprints and three-dimensional textiles. While tiny–it’s actually just an open spot by a front window–the craft gallery area is full of lovely surprises, such as unusual earrings, clocks, wall plaques and other humorous and cunning items perfect for gift-giving. Currently on show is “The Blue Paint Murder,” an interactive murder-mystery art show that dares viewers to guess whodunnit. 11101 Hwy. 1, Point Reyes Station. 415.663.1347.

Graton Gallery A collective of eight full-time artist-members and 50-plus guest artists who leave works on consignment that showcases fine art and crafts created by Sonoma County artists, including beautifully framed regional photographs and oil painting, outdoor sculpture, ceramics, textiles, jewelry and glass. Matted oils and watercolors in standard frame sizes make a great gift for only $30. From handmade cards for $5 to framed fine art works ranging in price from $100 to $10,000, you just might find all of your holiday gifts here. Artist shows rotate every six weeks. Current exhibit is “Hot Chocolate Art Show,” a holiday group show that runs from Dec. 12 to Jan. 21 with an opening reception on Sunday, Dec. 17, from 2pm to 6pm. 9048 Graton Road, Graton. 707.829.8912.

Hand Goods Featuring handcrafts created predominantly by local artists and craftspeople, this store offers many inexpensive gift items, including beaded jewelry, bags, clothing, cute felted wool change purses, handmade holiday cards, wooden chopsticks and bowls, and much more. This place is huge, like a hippie artisan mall. 3627 Main St., Occidental. 707.874.2161.

Renga Arts Renga Arts produces and sells funky, fabulous gift items all made from reclaimed, recycled and salvaged materials. OK, so it’s not an artisan guild, but this shop is too cool! Gifts abound, ranging from pop-top purses, bicycle-spoke bracelets and shotgun-shell bud vases to billboard totes with seatbelt handles, vintage vinyl coasters, clocks and bowls made from original vinyl records. And don’t miss co-owner Joe Szuecs’ beautiful birdhouses, which he says are “intended to promote a positive deterioration over time.” 3605 Main St., Occidental. 707.874.9407. Note: Open Friday-Monday, or by appointment only.

Upstairs Art Gallery Comprised entirely of members of the Santa Rosa Art Guild, more than 30 members regularly show works in ceramic, wood, oils and glass. Check out the ceramic bird baths, detailed wood carvings of wild birds, oil paintings, functional glass works and much more. 306 Center St., Healdsburg. 707.431.4214.

Molly Jackel


Calendar Grrrls

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Calendar Grrrls

December 13-19, 2006

Made in the North Bay:


As far as Ann Hancock is concerned, the idea was literally all around her. As president of the Climate Protection Campaign (CPC), a nonprofit based in the western Sonoma County wilds of Graton, Hancock is used to being surrounded by interns and volunteers. But what she noticed last year was that, without exception, all of the interns and volunteers busying themselves in her office were beautiful. And young.

To wit, they were babes.

“We kept wondering, ‘Why are all these beautiful women with us, and what can we do about it?'” Hancock laughs merrily, seated in the upstairs offices of the CPC, housed in Graton’s Atelier One mixed-use warehouse space.

Hancock, who taught human sexuality at Humboldt State University at an earlier point in her life (she also used to be a real estate broker), figured that beautiful women love the earth just the way that all of us love the earth and beautiful women. “The same things that makes us love the earth makes us love each other,” she echoes.

Hancock’s even written an article on the subject, “Sexy Sustainability,” in which she argues that the three main taboos about sex in Western society are the same constraints that keep the general public from lustily embracing the environmental movement. We’re grossly uninformed about both topics, she says; we have the same senseless taboos about the roles of politics and capitalism as we do about frank sexual discussion; and fear, shame and guilt form a relentless troika in the bedroom as in the boardroom.

And so with the same sanguine attitude and focused attention that’s helped make Sonoma County’s CPC a model for the rest of the nation, Hancock set out to marry the very sexy and the very sustainable in a unique fundraiser for her nonprofit: Ecobabes, a 2007 calendar. Featuring 12 Sonoma County women, many of them indeed former CPC volunteers and interns, the calendar’s glossy, high-design pages showcase a different concept (“Local,” “Global,” “Mindful”) and a large four-color photo of a mostly clad female figure. Shot by Petaluma photographer Scott Hess and designed by the international team Hello SF–who work across the hall from the CPC and just happen to have created all of Apple’s packaging as well as the OS X desktop, a full line of Swatch products and, oh, just a few campaigns for the Banana Republic–Ecobabes is, to many, tasteful and fun.

What’s been most rollicking for Hancock are the few unusual suspects who don’t see it that way. There are the local booksellers who reportedly rejected the calendar as being “cheesy and salacious,” refusing to carry it in their otherwise progressive store. But most of all, there’s been Hancock’s new idol, Northcoast Environmental Center office manager Alisha Clompus, who refused to allow her Arcata-based group to sell the calendar in its boutique. That led the San Francisco Chronicle to give the Ecobabes front-page status and an online poll (out of 611 respondents, 63 percent clicked off on “If it bothers you, don’t buy it”), which in turn prompted a Chico radio station to host a two-hour talk show on the topic, which for its part has lead to great big swadges of free publicity for Ecobabes and the CPC.

“The best reaction,” Hancock smiles, “is, ‘This is hilarious!'”

Women taking it off for fundraising calendars is hardly a shocking new phenomenon. Locally, the horsewomen of Novato have been doing it to great huzzahs for years, and such a radical notion was pioneered in part by English society matrons whose story eventually became a movie starring Helen Mirren, but could just have easily been enacted by Camilla Parker-Bowles.

Frankly, the 12 activists who posed as Ecobabes hardly take it off. With the exception of Bonny (no last names were used, to ward off potential eco-stalkers), who appears to be nude but stands silhouetted against a clean linen sheet hanging on a line–dryers are eco-bad!–the women wear street clothes and sports clothes and are photographed biking, lying lushly amid produce, standing in front of solar panels or at a water’s edge. Pornographer Larry Flynt would be terribly disappointed.

“If this is controversial, great,” Hancock says. “We want to make people feel like it’s something that they can be a part of.”

Inclusion lies at the heart of Hancock’s cunning plan. For at least a generation, she says, the environmental movement has been mostly successful at scaring people. And frightened folks emulate ostriches better than they do eco-warriors. “The global climate change message is changing,” she says. “We’ve been yammering on about the same situation for the last 20 years. Yet we’ve been apathetic and in despair as a people. Most people are terrified and don’t even want to listen. Do you give them more to frighten them? No. Because what’s the reaction? ‘Sorry, I’d rather watch the game.'”

The CPC uses a Matrix-like campaign to cajole and soften, featuring a poster of suit-clad activists in dark glasses lined up à la Keanu Reeves above the tag-line, “Climate protection–it’s not a job for the weak.”

“These are the ways that we’re working to bring our ideas into the public consciousness,” Hancock says.

“Besides,” she concludes, offering a sly smile, “People who protect the climate are very sexy.”

To purchase an Ecobabes calendar, go to www.ecobabes.org. To learn more about the Climate Protection Campaign, go to www.climateprotectioncampaign.org.


Season of Sharing

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Season of Sharing

Photograph by Rory McNamara
Choc a bloc: Gorgeous little yummies from Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles wait patiently to be devoured.

Like so many other people, I’m dismayed that Christmas has become synonymous with shopping for toys, shopping for clothes, shopping for jewelry, shopping for those fake, plastic, mounted fish that sing “Take Me to the River.” This is ridiculous. Why, oh why do we waste our money, time and energy on all this pointless shopping? If we would just take a minute to stop and get in touch with our feelings, we’d realize that this is not what we crave deep within our souls. We don’t want toys and clothes and singing fish.

No, what we truly crave is sugar. Sweets. Lots and lots of sweets.

So let’s focus on what’s real, and get to shopping for boxes of chocolates to wrap and place under the tree, tins full of cookies to pass out to neighbors, mounds of candies to stuff into Christmas stockings, and of course, a big cake to eat on Christmas Eve. (That cake bit was my very own contribution to family tradition.)

Our first stop is for a box of chocolates to place under the tree. For this, we travel to Glen Ellen and the tasting room of Wine Country Chocolate & Truffles (14301 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen; 707.996.1010). The tasting room is located in Jack London Village; a few doors away is the olive oil tasting room at the Olive Press, cheese tasting at Raymond & Co. Cheesemongers, and across the street there’s winetasting at Eric Ross Winery.

The room itself is rather small and there’s a large window in the back, through which you can see the chocolate being made in big, shiny, silvery things. Personally, this ruins my happy little vision of someone’s elderly, French grandmother mixing chocolate entirely by hand. On the other hand, my young son can’t believe his good luck as he stares through the window, witnessing two of his very favorite things together: machinery and chocolate.

Behind the bar, two young employees hand me samples from three different bowls of freshly made ganache, which is the creamy center of a truffle. You sample these as you would wine or olive oil, from most subtle to most robust. I place the mixture of chocolate, butter and cream in my mouth. Through a haze, I can see that the employees are talking, probably educating me about the different percentages of cacao in the shell and how chocolate is made and . . . I’m sure they’re very knowledgeable. But I’m in chocolate nirvana and can’t hear a thing.

The company makes all kinds of nifty stuff. For example, in the tasting room, there’s a nice selection of gifts, such as a CD (in a plastic CD case) made out of chocolate. You can bring in a special bottle of wine, and they’ll use it as a filling for their sweet confections. You can even get chocolates molded to look like your company logo.

Personally, I don’t care so much what my chocolates look like as long as they taste like this. I buy a box of a dozen truffles ($20) as a Christmas present for my husband. But then I get to thinking. The last time we got chocolates from here, he ate some of mine. So, I figure, I’ll take this box for myself. That way, he’ll no longer need to feel guilty. It’s the least I can do, considering it’s Christmas and all.

Next, we head on over to Santa Rosa to buy some Christmas cookies in a tin. At Sisters Three Artisan Cookies (3181 Cleveland Ave., Ste. C, Santa Rosa; 707.546.8700), their motto is “Our Cookies Are Our Canvas.” They mean it. For example, the sugar cookies are hand-decorated, and it takes about five or six different steps for all the colors and details to be added in. They do end up looking wonderful, and they taste just as good. Plus, the butter and milk come from cows that are not fed growth hormones. And eating the cookies feels so good, and I think that counts for something as far as good health is concerned.

There’s a selection of holiday cookies to choose from ($45-$55 per tin for about a dozen cookies), and it’s tough to pick. Should I get the assortment of gold and silver sparkly reindeers and Christmas trees and presents? Or how about the polar bears, penguins, igloos and snowflakes? The sisters (and, yes, the company actually is run by three sisters) will also make custom cookies. Once again, it seems like company logos are a big hit.

After thinking about it, I decide to get the sugar cookie dogs (a collection of poodles, dachshunds and retrievers decked out in some warm sweaters in holiday colors). This will make a nice present for our two yellow Labs. After all, we need to think of our four-legged friends during the holidays. But, wait. Labs do tend to gain a lot of weight. I better eat these cookies myself.

Next, it’s a quick jaunt to the original Windsor location of Powell’s Sweet Shoppe (720 McClelland Drive, Windsor; 707.836.0808; see sidebar above for other locations) to stock up on supplies for my kids’ Christmas stockings. If I had more time, I’d order a root beer float from the soda fountain and then sit down in one of the theater seats to watch the continuously playing video of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But I’m on a mission. So I peruse the huge selection of new candies, old-fashioned candies, novelty items and standby favorites. I’m leaning toward the old-school candies: Pop Rocks, Wax Bottles, Razzles and Candy Buttons. That way I can show my kids the kinds of things Mommy use to eat when she was little. It’ll be a bonding experience. I buy the candy, but have second thoughts. This is definitely not good for my children’s teeth. I must protect them. Full of motherly pride, I eat the candy.

Last but not least is Patisserie Angelica (6821 Laguna Park Way, in the Cinema complex, Sebastopol; 707.827.7998). Those who like sweets already know all about Patisserie Angelica. After all, it’s hard not to hear about them. They’ve been written up in the bridal magazines (their specialty is wedding cakes) plus the foodie magazines, and last fall they appeared on TV when one of their cakes was featured in the new show Fantasy Wedding. Pastry chef Condra Easly, Angelica co-owner with her sister Deborah Morris, received her training at several big-name pastry shops in Paris, where, I’m told, everyone takes their sweets as seriously as I do.

I order their special Buche de Noël cake to serve on Christmas Eve ($28 to serve six to eight; $46 for a large to serve 12 to14). It looks like a yule log, complete with little meringue mushrooms and holly. I’ll need to come back just before Christmas to pick it up. Sure, it’s a whole separate trip, but that’s OK. It’s well worth the drive to have this special cake to share with my family.

Sharing–isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

A Few of Our Favorite Things

Some other North Bay chocolatiers perfect for sharing

Annette’s Chocolate Factory Look for chocolate wine and liqueur sauces as well as handy-dandy chocolate discs for everything from noshing to throwing into cookies. 1321 First St., Napa. 707.252.4228.
Chocolat Mysterious, sexy and French–which is how we like our Christmas. 540 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.454.4525.
Heart’s Desire Chocolates A perennial fave in our annual reader’s poll. Y’all can’t be wrong! 101 Golf Course Drive, Rohnert Park. 707.585.7673.
La Dolce V Now in a new and more localized storefront location, this chocolatier serves an otherworldy cocoa, too. 110 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.829.2178.
Lyla’s Chocolates Specializes in cute little figurines guaranteed to add charm to the hols. 417 Miller Ave., Mill Valley. 415.383.8887.
Peter Rabbit’s Chocolate Factory Another perennial favorite in our annual readers poll. 2489 Guerneville Road, Santa Rosa. 707.575.7110.
Powell’s Sweet Shoppe has two other North Bay locations with plans to expand to Petaluma and beyond. 879 Grant Ave., Novato, 415.898.6160; and 22 Center St., Healdsburg, 707.431.2784.
Vintage Sweet Shoppe Have your favorite wine bottle dipped in chocolate. 3261 Browns Valley Road, Napa. 707.226.3933.
Woodhouse Chocolates Seasonal figurines and tableaux so ornate and delicate that they can’t be shipped. Given the little blue boxes that coddle the chocolates, this is fairly the Tiffany’s of the mouth. 1367 Main S., St. Helena. 800.966.3468.



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The Byrne Report

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December 13-19, 2006

Three years ago, Sonoma County resident Terence Hallinan lost a bitterly contested race for reelection as San Francisco’s district attorney. Forced from the media spotlight, where he relished being at the epicenter of legal and political controversy, Hallinan quietly carved himself a niche defending drug dealers and lobbying on behalf of pornographers. The ex-district attorney’s new career path is not surprising, considering his previous propensity to portray some crimes of moral turpitude–such as smoking weed and soliciting prostitutes–as politically correct and largely unprosecutable.

During two contentious terms as district attorney, the politically pugilistic Hallinan, known as “Kayo,” was internationally renowned as the voice of liberal (some say libertine) San Francisco. In 1996, he was the only district attorney in California to endorse Proposition 215, which legalized the possession and cultivation of medical marijuana. And in matters sexual and consensual, Hallinan strongly advocated for the decriminalization of prostitution. So it is not surprising that, since leaving office, Hallinan became a go-to guy for dopers of all persuasions, multiple mavens of the medicinal marijuana industry and sexual impresarios who pimp women’s bodies.

At an age when many lawyers retire, Hallinan is pounding the street for fees. The craggy-faced former prosecutor, 70, says he keeps a criminal defense calendar with a specialty in drug cases. He also represents the business interests of Jim Mitchell, who operates the O’Farrell Theater, a strip joint and porn palace in the Tenderloin. And he represents 14 of the city’s 40 pot clubs in efforts to obtain and keep city permits to operate medical marijuana dispensaries.

Last year, after the board of supervisors required pot clubs to make their facilities handicapped-accessible, Hallinan lobbied, in vain, for such “extreme” requirements to be reduced. “It is not like a pot club is a candy store that can just go out and find a place,” Hallinan explains in recent interview by phone from his San Francisco office.

At quitting time each day, Hallinan drives home to Petaluma. “I live on a farm with three cows, two goats, a couple of sheep, a wife and a daughter,” he says. And he is becoming a figure in North Bay courts. He recently got a parole violation for Will Foster, a convicted drug offender, squashed in Sonoma County Superior Court. And he regularly schleps to Mendocino County, where he concentrates on defending marijuana growers who use Proposition 215 as a defense against drug charges. Hallinan seldom goes to trial. “I have done a lot of cases where we head it off before a person is charged by showing the doctor’s medical marijuana recommendation to the district attorney or the judge.”

Doc Knapp, spokesperson for the Sonoma Alliance for Medicinal Marijuana, considers Hallinan to be a smoking class hero. “He spoke on our behalf before the Sebastopol city council,” Knapp, who hangs with Hallinan socially, says. Indeed, the former prosecuter is passionate about marijuana use. Alongside Woody Harrelson and Bill Maher, he sits on the advisory board of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws. And in his raspy baritone, he regularly addresses gatherings of marijuana users around the country in favor of legalizing pot.

Kayo is also passionate about protecting sleazploitation. He recently lobbied the city on behalf of the Mitchell Brothers’ organization after the San Francisco Commission on the Status of Woman proposed legislation to ban private booths in adult clubs. The commission had received reports that, because the clubs pay lap dancers minimum wage, the women are forced to prostitute themselves in private rooms in order to make a living. Stretching credulity, Hallinan denied that prostitution takes place in the sex clubs. During our interview, he pooh-poohed the wage problem: “These women make a lot of money. Many are single mothers raising children. One woman put herself through law school with the money she made.”

Dr. Emily Murase, executive director of the Department on the Status of Women, told me, “Dancers have testified that they are coerced into sexual acts with customers in private booths. Club owners charge them nightly stage fees of up to $500 in clear violation of both the San Francisco police code and the California Labor Code.”

But Hallinan has never been a stickler for the letter of the law when it butts up against his personal predilections. “Look at Proposition 215,” he muses. “There is hardly an type of medical condition that, if helped by marijuana, wouldn’t be within the legal qualifications, such as headaches, in-grown toenails or feeling better by virtue of using marijuana. And I am absolutely convinced that that for some people, smoking marijuana is part of their religious practice.”

So is drinking blood.

or


Wigstock ’66

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December 13-19, 2006

Elephantiasis is supposed to be a tropical disease, but in the theaters it strikes in the winter months, right before Oscar time. In this year’s newest outbreak, Bill Condon, screenwriter for Chicago, directs and adapts Dreamgirls, the hit 1981 stage musical, for the age of bigger films.

Dreamgirls takes a fluid, small-scale piece and pumps it up to pachyderm size. Henry Krieger and Tom Eyen’s musical debuted when disco was ravaging the world, thus the show’s much-reprised title theme sounds more like Giorgio Morodor than Motown’s hit team Holland-Dozier-Holland. That’s surprising, since Dreamgirls is so firmly based on the Supremes that rumor says Diana Ross walked out during the first act when she went to see it.

Dreamgirls is an extremely basic backstage musical, wrought by people who probably could have acted out every Alice Faye/Don Ameche film ever made. Chunky Effie (Jennifer Hudson), willowy Deena (Beyoncé Knowles) and the half-bright Lorrell (Anika Noni Rose) make up the Dreamettes, friends since childhood.

The story begins with the trio losing a fixed battle of the bands in Detroit. A lucky break gets them adopted as the touring band of R&B hitmaker James “Thunder” Early (Eddie Murphy), legendary as a jive turkey who hits on his backup singers. A Berry Gordy figure named Curtis Taylor (Jamie Foxx) moves laterally from Cadillac sales to music producing. The Dreamettes–whom Curtis renames the Dreams (rhymes with “Supremes”)–hit the charts.

The movie’s slighter moments prove to be more pleasurable than the by-the-book conflict and drama: the slinky gowns and towering wigs; the travel montages; a kid band pastiching the Jackson 5; and the way the girls are coached to turn on a dime onstage. At its best, Dreamgirls serves as a tribute to the satisfying myth that a somebody is just a nobody who got the right chance.

As an actress, Beyoncé is really just a pair of lovely eyes. She is just as uneasy onscreen as Ross was everywhere but in Lady Sings the Blues. Jennifer Hudson is sparkly and barbed as Effie, whose heftiness gets her shoved off to one side, just as in real life the trouble-prone Florence Ballard was replaced by Cindy Birdsong in the Supremes. The droll, wickedly accomplished Hudson survives a badly underwritten part that tries to have it both ways: claiming that Effie is too ungrateful and troublesome to let the show go on and yet wanting us to feel she’s been shoved aside and betrayed by Curtis’ overwhelming urge to whiten up the Dreams’ sound.

While it’s her acting that really appeals, Hudson has a vast voice–a huge one, the kind that slaughters crowds–which is why so many thousands rallied for her to win her spot on American Idol. Hudson gives 150 percent when she sings, and she’s a master of those powerfully ornate vocal runs that turn every simple song into a Moorish palace of arabesques.

On a bare stage, alone, Hudson’s Effie is crying out for love that no man, no family, no audience could ever supply. It’s a show-stopper, of course, and at the preview screening there was spontaneous applause. And those who raved are at one with the long dead crowds who applauded Sophie Tucker, Kate Smith and other big voices of the past.

‘Dreamgirls’ has an exclusive San Francisco engagement Dec. 15-24, yet another reason to plan a City Day before Christmas. It opens everywhere Dec. 25.


New and upcoming film releases.

Browse all movie reviews.

Map Time

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Map Time

December 13-19, 2006

Made in the North Bay:


Jordan Thomas, a 25-year-old graphic designer who works for the Map Store in Windsor, may look like he’s fresh out of high school, but he knows what he’s talking about when it comes to cartography. Passing under layers of rolled maps stowed overhead, he strides through the store–a sea of globe key chains, globe-painted basketballs, GPS doodads and software, map magnifying glasses and fold-out maps of Missoula, Hanoi and noteworthy baseball sites–and finally arrives at his destination: a map.

This map is the eagerly awaited update of Sonoma County’s American Viticultural Areas (AVAs), boundaries that differentiate wine-growing regions from one another based on terroir. Until now, the map hadn’t been revised since 1997. Thomas estimates that Sonoma County wine-related agriculture has almost doubled and that some 60 percent of vineyard names have changed in the past decade. The Map Store took it upon itself to revise the map, relying on the Sonoma County Grape Growers Association (who had sponsored the 1997 edition) for help. The project took Thomas and others roughly one year to complete, and the result is a series of six maps focusing on different areas within Sonoma County ($29.95 each).

Since 1997, some of the AVA boundaries have changed. Thomas points to a jagged purple line on the map, which indicates the Russian River AVA’s new limit. Thanks to a petition by growers, that prestigious AVA now encompasses vineyards around Santa Rosa and Sebastopol, allowing affected wineries to sell their products at higher rates. But looking at the map gets a bit complicated because of AVA overlap. Thomas points to one area that belongs to six AVAs.

Heading back to his desk, Thomas admits that the project had its challenges. He had thought it might be a good idea to collect the data he needed online; this way, it could easily be updated anytime. So the store set up a website, encouraging vineyard, winery and tasting-room representatives to submit their geographical coordinates via the Internet.

“We tried to make it easy, and for the most part, everyone was happy that we were doing this, but there were some we just couldn’t please,” says Thomas. “I’m 25 and I’m trying to explain to a 70-year-old man why he should use the Internet. The situation’s set up for conflict.”

Scott Lowrie, also 25, commiserates. Some wine professionals had particular trouble locating their assessor’s parcel number, even though the Map Store had provided illustrated instructions on where to find it. Lowrie contributed a lot of the Geographic Information Systems work for the map, and says, “There were days when the phone wouldn’t stop ringing; we couldn’t get anything done.”

Despite the meticulous detail and accuracy, Thomas doesn’t have plans to send the maps to cartographical archives, like the treasured Map Division of the New York Public Library. He says there’s no need. The maps are available online, and digital technology allows for frequent updates.

In fact, the Map Store is in the process of making a solely electronic map of Sonoma County that includes soil, climate data and parcel lines, “so you can get a feel for specific influences on each vineyard,” says Thomas.

When the store management does actually want to print an edition of maps, they use their on-site printer to release updates whenever the need arises, rather than outsourcing massive batches. In fact, Thomas already plans to print an update to the Sonoma County AVA maps this spring.

Later, Lowrie sets to work, printing large-scale aerial photos. He dons a pair of white gloves and prepares a large roll of glossy paper to feed into a printer, which someone has affectionately labeled “MAPPY.” Clearly, map lovers belong here.

The Map Store, 9091 Windsor Road, Windsor. 707.838.4290.


Crazy Christmas Carol

The maddening mystery of Coddingtown's 'Dinosaur Christmas Song'
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Five Actors, 80 Days

December 13-19, 2006 Less is more. In the current climate of American theater, where shows with large casts are becoming a thing of the past due to escalating production costs, we will be seeing more and more shows like I Am My Own Wife and Stones in His Pockets, plays written for one or two actors who play dozens of...
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Forging Ahead

December 13-19, 2006Made in the North Bay: Stepping into the blacksmith's forge in the heart of San Francisco's SOMA district is like taking a step back in time. A power hammer made in 1910 lumbers imposingly next to the forge itself, which heats metal to 2000 degrees F through a natural-gas fire. Two men are putting the finishing...
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First Bite

December 13-19, 2006For years, I ate and relished Mark Dierkhising's tasty food when he cooked at the faculty club on the campus of Sonoma State University. I've just started to eat and relish the food he's cooking at Dierk's Parkside Cafe--right in my own neighborhood, and in walking distance of downtown Santa Rosa, too. The place is so new...
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Populist Purchases

December 13-19, 2006Made in the North Bay: Hot Peppers is an appropriate name for a sweet little shop in downtown Sebastopol. The name of the game at this cooperative artisan guild is variety. And variety is what? Yes, it's the spice of life. The shop opened in September 2006 on Main Street, and is a cooperative of about...
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Calendar Grrrls

December 13-19, 2006Made in the North Bay: As far as Ann Hancock is concerned, the idea was literally all around her. As president of the Climate Protection Campaign (CPC), a nonprofit based in the western Sonoma County wilds of Graton, Hancock is used to being surrounded by interns and volunteers. But what she noticed last year was that,...
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Season of Sharing

Photograph by Rory McNamara Choc a...
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The Byrne Report

December 13-19, 2006Three years ago, Sonoma County resident Terence Hallinan lost a bitterly contested race for reelection as San Francisco's district attorney. Forced from the media spotlight, where he relished being at the epicenter of legal and political controversy, Hallinan quietly carved himself a niche defending drug dealers and lobbying on behalf of pornographers. The ex-district attorney's new career...
Read more

Wigstock ’66

December 13-19, 2006 Elephantiasis is supposed to be a tropical disease, but in the theaters it strikes in the winter months, right before Oscar time. In this year's newest outbreak, Bill Condon, screenwriter for Chicago, directs and adapts Dreamgirls, the hit 1981 stage musical, for the age of bigger films. Dreamgirls takes a fluid, small-scale piece and pumps it up...
Read more

Map Time

December 13-19, 2006Made in the North Bay: Jordan Thomas, a 25-year-old graphic designer who works for the Map Store in Windsor, may look like he's fresh out of high school, but he knows what he's talking about when it comes to cartography. Passing under layers of rolled maps stowed overhead, he strides through the store--a sea of globe...
Read more
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