Best Local Romance

Kiss, Kiss

‘Best of’ local romance (Staff Picks)

“Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I ne’er saw true beauty till this night.”

–William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

“To err is human–but it feels divine.”

–Mae West

Best Unlikely Place to Spend a Cozy Night

There is no shortage of romantic bed-and-breakfast spots in wine country, but none is as unusual and unexpected as the world-class B&B located upstairs at Sonoma’s Ramekins Culinary Institute. As chattering students congregate below, stirring up delicious recipes, the upstairs inn–just walk up the asparagus-spindled staircase–remains quiet, elegant, and uniquely inspiring. There are five rooms–plus a large chef’s suite–whimsically decorated and furnished with remarkable taste and wine-country flair, from the down-quilted four-poster beds to the open-view showers and earthenware sinks. The sheer out-of-the-ordinariness of it all makes for a surprisingly intimate romantic environment. Best of all, the prices are less than you’d pay at a lot of other places. Bonappa-sleep! 450 W. Spain St., Sonoma. 933-0450.–D.T.

Best Wedding Minister

The Rev. Kimberly Thompson performs weddings. Now, on the surface, this is not especially noteworthy. There are, after all, hundreds of ordained ministers working in this county who routinely perform the odd sociolegal ceremony we’ve come to call a wedding. What sets Thompson apart from many of the others is that she has performed weddings while on horseback, while floating far above the ground in a hot-air balloon, while scuba diving, and while bungee-jumping. She’s even performed a few weddings in churches. A nondenominational minister, Thompson tailors her ceremonies to the needs and desires of her clients and is as capable of performing a religious ceremony as a purely civil one. But be warned: Thompson’s services are in constant demand, so be sure to book her as far in advance as possible. Call 253-1492 or e-mail her at we******@*******ty.net.–D.T.

Best Place to Lick Caramel Off Your Lover in Public

SMEAR. LICK. MOAN. REPEAT. This is how our dessert experience went at Syrah, the barely-a-year-old French/California cuisine heaven. We sampled several of pastry god Michael Glissman’s ambrosiac concoctions, starting with the Peanut Buster, one of the desserts on his Charles Schulz tribute menu. As we spooned up mouthfuls of crunchy peanut chocolate clusters, caramel, and marshmallow goo, I couldn’t help noticing what a swell crew Syrah has. Everybody seems genuinely happy to be doing the job they are doing, which can be rare in a world often staffed by grumpy and bitter wait persons. But back to the sensual sweets. Next came crunchy sour green apple slices to be twirled in a plate of housemade caramel sauce (the best I’ve had yet, and I’m a serious caramel connoisseur), and we got to take home a purple, cinnamon-flavored caramel lollipop each, also house-made (his was shaped like a button; I got the “hang 10” hand). All in all, a splendid experience, enhanced by the tasteful and comfy ambiance. I can’t wait to go back for dinner. (For the record, folks, the love birds above are just good friends.) 205 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 568-4002.–S.L.

Best Place to Snuggle in a Yurt

Isis Oasis Lodge, in Geyserville, is a retreat center such as you’ve never seen. Unless, of course, you’ve been there already. While the place is elegantly functional as a conference location, with a dining pavilion and outdoor theater area, plus a main lodge that sleeps up to 80 people, the real magic of Isis Oasis lies in its, um, alternative housing possibilities. For instance, you can spend the night in a comfortable room that is actually a teepee, or in a fully furnished massive wine barrel, or in a tower, or in an Enchanted Cottage (with its own fireplace and private hot tub), or–most romantic of all–in a yurt. A yurt, inspired by a circular Central Asian nomadic dwelling, is a surprisingly charming and cozy environment for a memorable night’s stay. And check out the Temple of Isis. Though you can’t sleep there, the mystical feel of ancient Egypt positively seeps from the sinews of the place. 20889 Geyserville Ave., Geyserville. 857-ISIS.–D.T.

Best Place to Meet a Blind Date

My mom told me once that it’s always a good idea to meet a blind date in the morning or early afternoon, because if you wind up hating him, you can tastefully excuse yourself without hurting feelings. Sound advice, Mom. That said, I feel that a coffee shop is an excellent meeting place. It’s crowded, it’s perky, there are newspapers to be read and pastries to be et. Not only does Wolf Coffee offer the strongest cuppa joe in the county, but it has a fine selection of exquisite teas, and its munchies are not to be sneezed at (I’ve eaten a bagel and cream cheese a day there for the last two years). There are four locations, all in Santa Rosa; after coffee, you and your date could take a stroll around the JC rose garden, visit the bridal fair in Coddingtown Mall (in the case of love at first sight), sit on the bear at Montgomery Village (still one of my favorite pastimes), or waltz to the canned music in downtown Courthouse Square. Options galore. Wolf Coffee, 1810 Mendocino Ave.; 336 Coddingtown Center; 722 Village Court; 614 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 546-WOLF.–S.L.

Best Place to Fall Head over Heels in Love

If you can keep all that pink chewy popcorn, pink lemonade, and pink puffy cotton candy in your belly where it belongs, the Zipper at the annual Sonoma County Fair can be the perfect romantic spot. You and your squeeze suffer the bonding experience of sheer terror, being upside down together, and when the ride ends, you’ve got the perfect excuse for clutching each other to keep from falling down. Take a sawdusty stroll down carny row and try for the big stuffed-animal prizes, get a sunburn, and rub lotion on each other. Sonoma County Fairgrounds, 1350 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa. 545-4200.–S.L.

Best Cheap Date

My friend’s dog’s new favorite words are “chow fun!” since he sampled a bit of it, cold: the leftovers from a cheap Ting Hau date. I’ve been going to Ting Hau Restaurant since I was in the womb (literally!), and in 21 years it’s stayed consistently greasy, cheap, and delicious. Taking your lover there for lunch is always an excellent deal, because you can get a plate of almond chicken (Tuesday lunch special) heaped up more than a foot high for $3.99. Rice included. After lunch take a digestive hike around the fountain outside or walk down the quiet (except for the shouting bums) alleyway to the parking lot behind. Ain’t love (and lunch) grand? 717 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 545-5204.–S.L.

Best Place to Dance by Moonlight

The gazebo in downtown Sebastopol gets plenty of use. If it’s not the farmers market on Sundays or the musical acts in summer, it’s the skateboarders wearing the edges of the steps down to a black, rounded sheen. But night is when the pavilion comes into its full power, as a playhouse for grown-ups, a dance floor for dreamers in all seasons. Crisp winter nights, when the breath blows white and the waltz keeps you warm; hot summer evenings, with a rare breeze blowing mists off the fountain and seeming to make rainbows around the moon. The pillars are sturdy and wide enough to shelter the most lascivious leanings, until you must either dance or find a private room. If the dark doesn’t seem enough to hide your impromptu promenade, dance anyway, and thrill to the notion that some other soul, restless with desire, might see you and be inspired to his or her own semi-public act of the art d’amour.–M.W.

Best Place for Java and Romance

AH, THE JOYS OF SINGLEHOOD. No jealous other, no trying to plan your schedule around somebody else’s life, all options open for a freewheeling Sonoma County denizen. A’roma Roasters and Coffeehouse is a swell place to meet other swingers in the spring. It seems like the whole town crowds around the patio tables on sunny afternoons, and what better place for poignant chatter over an icy caffeinated beverage than beautiful Railroad Square? Pull up a piece of ground and strike up a conversation, because today is the first day of the rest of your life. 95 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 576-7765.–S.L.

Best Place to Tie the Knot in Wind-Swept Nuptial Bliss

Looking for a place to get hitched? Elegant wineries and quaint inns abound. But if you want to get married on the wilder side of Sonoma County, head to Goat Rock State Park. There, on a bluff overlooking Blind Beach (ignore any metaphors that spring to mind) is a grassy expanse that has postcard-perfect views of the craggy cliffs and crashing surf of the north coast. Of course you have to get lucky and score blue skies instead of the ubiquitous coast fog. And don’t pay too much for a fancy hairdo–the winds can whip up a frenzy (parasol and huppah carriers, beware). Avoid spike-heeled shoes, unless you’re an expert at mincing your way down dirt trails (a good time to rely on Dad’s steady arm). And pay attention to parking–nothing spoils a wedding ceremony like a ranger slapping tickets on the cars. Couples may be required to provide liability insurance coverage, depending on alcohol and catering at the event, and there is a $25 fee for the permit application. Tousled wind-blown hairstyling free of charge. Russian River State Parks and Recreation Department, 865-2391.–J.W.

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Local Culture


Slammin’!

‘Best of’ local culture (Staff Picks)

Best Unsung Hero

During his time at Santa Rosa Junior College, anthropologist Benjamin Foley Benson–coordinator of Native American studies at SRJC and director of the Jesse Peter Museum–has quadrupled the collection at the museum (a collection of North American Indian art and objects from other cultural groups) with pieces amassed from all over the world. His intent is to serve the educational interests of students at all levels, from preschoolers to academic scholars. Specific displays at the museum change regularly to coincide with SRJC’s curriculum in anthropology courses, of which Benson is a spellbinding instructor. He also lectures publicly and frequently on a variety of fascinating topics, specializing in how tribal cultures manage their habitats without destroying them. SRJC, 1501 Mendocino Ave, Santa Rosa. Benjamin Foley Benson can be reached at fo**********@****************sa.edu.–S.L.

Best Bargain in Boogie

What’s powerful enough to make even the Backstreet Boys skip a beat? Answer: Sixty pairs of sneakered feet landing the 8 count in the dance studio at Santa Rosa Junior College. Hip-hop teacher Debbe-Ann Medina assured me that the newly padded and shockproofed stereo cabinet wasn’t going to jump this term, but there’s just no stopping the thundering force of the increasingly full hip-hop classes at the JC’s dance department. Other classes are hitting maximum capacity, too: department chair Medina says dance enrollment is over 1,000 in all the classrooms countywide. But in spite of the jumping CDs and the packed rows of eager dancers–think A Chorus Line with slightly less room and slightly more giggling–the JC remains the best price for dance in the county: $11 per three hours a week for five months. It’s enough to make anyone’s heart skip a beat. 1501 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. 527-4237.–M.W.

Best Place to Complete Your Set of Jean Auel Books

‘Course, you’re gonna have to look hard for them, because at the Friends of the Santa Rosa Library biannual book sale, there’s a lot to sift through. Board member Judith Weber estimates 500 to 600 cartons of books get brought to the sale site at the Sonoma County Fairgrounds, enough to fill three moving vans. The books range in price and quality from trashy romance novels ($4 for a flat) to high-quality collectors’ items, which usually get snapped up in the first hour by book dealers who wait in lines at the door. For nonmercenary types, the best buys are the hardbacks: $1 per inch of spine. So stock up on Valley of the Horses if you must (Oh, yes, Jondalar! . . . ), but be sure to bring enough canvas bags to carry the rest. The next book sale is April 7-10. April 7, preview day from 4 to 8:30 p.m.; April 8-9, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.; April 10, 2 to 7 p.m. Admission is $5 for the preview, free for all other days; April 9 is half-price day; and on April 10 a grocery bag of books is $4. Friends of the Library: Third and E streets, Santa Rosa; 545-0831, ext. 541. Fairgrounds: 1350 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa; 545-4200.–M.W.

Best Blend of Art and Community

THE WHIMSICAL, all-but-hidden Live Art Gallery in downtown Petaluma is tucked behind the Heebe Jeebe Gift Store (a work of art in its own right). About the size of a large closet, the newly opened tiny gallery is routinely crammed with amazing artworks. The first show highlighted owner Susan Ginnever’s work. Last month Ginnever, above right, hosted “Holding the Sacred Heart,” an exhibit by local artists. The gallery sold 18 pieces of work from the show and raised funds for COTS, the local homeless shelter. “The thing that’s different about this gallery is that we don’t display flowers and landscapes–it’s cutting-edge art,” says Ginnever. Through March 25, the gallery will be exhibiting “GloBall Logic: Wordz4Now,” featuring the art of photographer Scott Hess, documentary filmmaker John Bertucci, and designer Beth Meredith. Every few months or so, Ginnever–a committed community activist–plans to open the walls of the gallery to artists from around the community, and the resulting potluck of artistic imaginings should continue to be truly wondrous to behold. 46 Kentucky St., Petaluma, 773-2880.–D.T.

Best Place to Hoist a Pint and Ruminate on Media Mavens Past

Well, it weren’t no Algonquin Round Table. Twenty years ago, when Petaluma’s free press cowered in the skirts of that great gray bitch the Press Democrat and its onion-skinned rival the Argus-Courier, crafters of the column inch regularly jawed and guffawed in a corner of the back room at Volpi’s Speakeasy (as it was known back in 1925)–a sanctified patch officially dubbed Volpi’s Press Club on March 7, 1980. Ed “Toby” Tobin, a longtime customer and bartender at the bar, recalls its newshound heyday when reporters nightly smelted their rapier wits into the iron guts they rusted away with $1.50 drafts (the price remains the same, as do journalists’ salaries). “It was just a bunch of guys from the Argus-Courier and Press Democrat who came by mostly after work,” says Tobin of the longtime rival newspapermen. “But it wasn’t cutthroat; they were all good drinkers. It was really congenial.” Among them was inveterate Argus-Courier columnist and people-ologist Bill Soberanes, who still holds the world’s record for being photographed with the most celebrities and is often lauded as the Herb Caen of the North Bay, which is unfortunate because Caen is dead. (Sobranes can be seen nightly perched on the porch of his Petaluma home, puffing on his trusty pipe.) Volpi’s Deli, Speakeasy, and Bar, 124 Washington St., Petaluma. 762-2371.–D.H.

Best Local House Painter

Technically speaking, Ross Parkerson doesn’t paint houses; he uses pen and ink. The soft-spoken Parkerson, a former Santa Rosa city planner and Petaluma City Council member, has made a name for himself over the last few years as an artist with a very specific specialty: he draws the exteriors of historic buildings and residences throughout the county. These finely detailed black-and-white drawings have appeared in sought-after framed editions, in local museums, and on calendars and postcards–there’s even a Ross Parkerson collector’s blanket featuring textile reproductions of a dozen of the artist’s Petaluma Heritage Homes. On warm summer days, Parkerson can be glimpsed sitting on some sidewalk, his easel and pen kit before him, facing a house with concentration–wrapped in an undeniable aura of pleasure and joy. He clearly loves these old buildings. We’re pretty sure they love him right back.–D.T.

Best Price for Queer Comedy

Who wants to wait until Gay and Lesbian Pride Month to get a pew at a big-name comedy event? For $5, you can crowd into a handsome man’s lap, drink strong drink, and laugh your ass off at the weekly comedy nights at the Russian River Resort. The Saturday-night stand-up show started as a lark in early 1996 and now is a destination for dozens of gay and lesbian comedians looking for an excuse to get away from big-city life. “The comics call us all the time to book their act,” says general manager Jeff Bridges. “The word is out. They love coming up. It’s like a weekend retreat for them.” It may be a retreat for them, but for locals it’s a full-on forward charge into queer comedy, bringing such names as Scott Capurro, Doug Hosclaw, Karen Ripley, and Marga Gomez to the cozy little bar in San Francisco-on-the-river. During winter the bar is cozily packed; in summer, the crowd gets raucous and ridiculous, with standing room only out on the deck. All this for $5 (drinks are extra). 16390 Fourth St., Guerneville. 869-0691.–M.W.

Best Local Laureate Positions

In the wake of 81-year-old Santa Rosa poet Don Emblen’s appointment as Sonoma County’s first poet laureate by the Literary Arts Council (operating under the aegis of the Sebastopol Center for the Arts), several other laureate positions have cropped up throughout the county. Healdsburg, for example, has a city-specific laureate, and Petaluma has long enjoyed the presence of poetry-slam impresario Schotzki and his weird friend Govind, rumored to have been laying the groundwork to be their city’s poet laureates before disagreeing over how to spell laureate and dropping the notion entirely. Emblen, too, may have his own way of spelling the word. “A friend of mine who’s kind of suspicious of all these honors says that as far as he’s concerned, you’re a poet lariat and your job is to rope people in.” Emblen, a nationally published laureate, has been lassoing poetry readers since he penned his first collection while serving in the Navy during World War II, as well as during his 40-year stint as a poetry instructor at Santa Rosa Junior College before retiring in 1988. Emblen also operates his Clam Shell Press, which has published the work of other poets since the ’70s.–D.H.

The Best Local Place to Catch a National Treasure

IT’S EASY TAKE Johnny Otis for granted–the ex-deli/market/cabaret owner, former organic apple farmer, and Sebastopol resident is a ubiquitous presence in the county. But Otis, a pioneering R&B songwriter, producer, and bandleader, is a bonafide national treasure–a triple-crown winner who has been inducted into the Rock and Roll, Rhythm & Blues, and Blues halls of fame. Catch him on the air hosting his Saturday morning R&B show on KPFA (94.1-FM), from 9 a.m. to noon, when he delivers a mix of soulful tunes, up-to-the-minute health reports on a variety of things that ail him, and frequent rants about political wrongdoings–all of which have endeared Otis to a large Bay Area radio audience. Or scurry on down to the Powerhouse Brewing Co. (28 Petaluma Ave., Sebastopol), where Otis holds court during his weekly live broadcasts.–G.C.

Best Local Indie Feature Film

Lights, camera, art flick! ‘Twas with talent, moxie, and under a 100 grand (a spit in the ocean–or eye–by Hollywood standards) that Tomales-bred filmmaker Abe Levy produced, wrote, and directed his feature film debut, Max, 13–a coming-of-age chronicle of 13-year-old wastrel Max’s summertime hijinks on the eve of his freshman year in high school. Both hilarious and poignant, the seriocomic examination of boyhood shenanigans (from first smokes to first strokes) previewed to enthusiastic audiences last fall at the Phoenix Theatre in Petaluma. Levy now awaits word from regional film festivals, including the Wine Country Film Festival and the San Francisco International Film Festival, with the hope of garnering more exposure for the film. “With limited screenings Max, 13 has gotten great response from the community,” says Levy. “It’s thrilling to have the audience on my side and so overwhelmingly positive.” Levy is now editing his second feature film, Don’t Worry, Ma, I’m Only Trying, which he will preview in May.–D.H.

Best Place to Reach Outer Space

Feel like getting out of the house? Hike to Pluto at the Ferguson Observatory’s new Planet Walk at Sugarloaf Ridge State Park in Kenwood. The 2.2-mile interplanetary trek was installed last summer and joins the world’s largest reflecting telescope dedicated to public use to form a destination of choice for Sonoma County astronomy buffs. The hike across our solar system is marked with scale models of planets and offers a fun and interesting opportunity to learn more about our solar system. The walk begins in the parking lot of the observatory and takes space explorers high into the surrounding hills. This is a fairly serious climb, so be in shape. Those venturing to the outermost planets are advised to wear comfortable boots and watch out for rattlesnakes. The average hiker can make the round trip to Pluto and back in less than three hours. Admission is $5 to Sugarloaf State Park. The planet walk is free. Take Highway 12 to Kenwood; at Landmark Winery take Adobe Canyon Road northeast to Sugarloaf Ridge State Park. The observatory is just beyond the horse stables. 833-6979.–B.E.

Best Annual Resurrection of a Long-Dead Composer

Every May, John Philip Sousa, the “March King” himself, triumphantly takes the stage at Healdsburg’s Raven Theater, to lead the Healdsburg Community Band in its annual John Philip Sousa concert. This is one of the year’s most anticipated musical events. For those of you who know that Sousa is technically dead (and has been since 1932), we concede that in Healdsburg, Sousa–author of such blood-stirring anthems as “The Stars and Stripes Forever,” “Semper Fidelis,” “The U.S. Field Artillery March,” and “The Washington Post March”–is played by Lew Sbrana, longtime Healdsburg High School band instructor, who dresses as Sousa, right down to the March King’s immaculate white gloves. The Healdsburg Community Band, which Sbrana leads with cofounder Gary Johnson, has been staging the Sousa shows each May since 1989, when the first Sousa experiment was greeted with wildly enthusiastic standing ovations. Stars and stripes forever, indeed.–D.T.

Best Local Historical Oddity

It’s weird. It’s big. It conjures up colorful pictures of a historical nature. It’s that giant sign, painted in now-fading letters right on the immense side of an old barn, highly visible from Hwy. 101 as you pass through the remote rural hamlet of Asti, near Highway 128. The sign reads, “Dr. Pierce’s Medical Discovery,” and what the good doctor’s incredible breakthrough was, well . . . few people seem to know. It really doesn’t matter. For millions of motorists, who momentarily turn their heads and wonder aloud about the glimmering oddness of our county’s past, it’s just nice to know it’s there.–D.T.

Best Place to Deliver Mail Straight to the Devil

AS PAT ROBERTSON HAS LONG MAINTAINED, the devil wants to talk to you. But you’re so cruel: you never write, you never call, you never even drop the Lord of Lies an e-mail. Wasn’t one of your Y2K New Year’s resolutions to get back in touch with old friends? Then scribble a quick note, enclose a photo of your first-born (without making any covenants, implied or explicit), and drop your letter off by the door sculpture resting on a grassy berm in front of the fire station on Bodega Highway in Sebastopol. Dubbed “The Door to Hell” by churchgoing critics, the 3,000-pound concrete sculpture was created last year during Sebastopol’s annual Sculpture Jam by a team of local artists (above) who didn’t have any diabolic intention in mind. But God works in mysterious ways, and so does the Fallen One, so we’re willing to bet that any devilish correspondence left there will not be returned “addressee unknown.”–P.S.

Best Local Architectural Wreck

Just off of Highway 101, slightly north of the grand entranceway to Asti Winery in Asti, sits a collapsed wreck of a building, tucked away a bit into the expansive vineyards. The former El Carmello chapel–nearly 100 years old–is unusual in that it is green and is shaped roughly like a Hershey’s Kiss. Well, it was shaped that way; a good portion of the tiny building has fallen over, crumbling sadly away, nearly lost if not quite forgotten. In fact, the El Carmello Restoration Project in Asti has been slowly raising the funds necessary to restore the “Little Chapel,” as it’s come to be known. Hopes are that reconstruction of this remnant of the Italian-Swiss Colony will be able to begin before the end of this year. At such a point, there will surely be plenty of real kisses all around. 522-9112.–D.T.

Best Dragon Man

Nick Westbrook, a Santa Rosa welder-turned-sculptor, has a certain thing for dragons. Not only has he named his sculpting operation Fire Dragon, but he’s also designed his share of large metallic dragons, including Ah Chu–a dragon wearing reading glasses, peering at the remains of a newspaper he’s just sneezed fire at–that is making an exhibition tour of Sonoma County elementary school libraries. First bitten by the sculpture bug when he was hired by internationally renowned Petaluma kinetic sculptor Mark DeSuvio, Westbrook has now designed and built hundreds of sculptures, including such giant kinetic works as the multicolored, wind-altering installation in front of the Sonoma Community Center. He’s now at work on several other large pieces, but also plans more dragons, including a child-sized dragon riding a tricycle. He’ll call that one Draggin’ Dragon. Nick Westbrook welcomes visits, by appointment, from interested sculpture fans. 544-2829.–D.T.

Best Leftover of a Bygone Era

It makes us cry sentimental baby-boomer tears to see the abandoned shells of two A&W Drive-Ins, alone and empty but still standing at 600 E. Washington Blvd. in Petaluma and 48 Healdsburg Ave. in Healdsburg. Gone are the rollerskating waitresses. Gone are the icy-cold root beer floats. Gone are the artery-clogging deep-fried onion rings. But the instantly recognizable architecture, the bright orange paint, and those wonderful drive-up speaker stands all still exist, just waiting for some inventive entrepreneur with a knack for revitalizing important icons from the not-so-distant past. Or maybe they’re just waiting for bulldozers.–D.T.

Best Lost Cause

Noreen Evans was the last best hope for the Sonoma County Board of Supervisors. Not just a breath of fresh air, the Santa Rosa Councilwoman would have been a breath of fresh gender. Instead we got Mike Kerns, who–no offense intended–is another frumpy middle-aged white guy. With three Mikes, two balding pates, a beard, a mustache, and a whole lot of conservative, pro-development blather couched in the words of public service, it’s dang hard to see the difference between the five supes. Put the county counsel and the county controller up on the dais, and it’s a panel that makes affirmative-action fans cry. Janet Nicholas was the last woman elected to the board, and she left in 1991. Noreen Evans and Dawn Mittleman took up the cause in March, and both were quashed by incumbents. But remember, gals, even if you lose the race, at least we can tell you apart from the boys.–J.W.

Best Local Haunted House

THERE IS SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS afoot at the Cavanaugh Inn. Formerly the home of a soft-spoken, well-mannered woman named Adelaide Cavanaugh, the charming old Victorian is now beautifully restored, comfortably charming . . . and haunted. Late at night, according to numerous guests, footsteps can be heard and felt, creaking against the floorboards as someone paces back and forth in the Magnolia Room. At such times, the bedroom closet–which is permanently locked–can be heard opening and closing. The innkeepers’ best guess is that the ghost is the spirit of Adelaide herself, who, it is reported, was always a bit of a flirt around menfolk. According to reports, she still is, somewhat preferring the company of men to that of women. Having a ghost in the inn hasn’t hurt business in the least, by the way. Most guests find Adelaide to be as charming now as she apparently was when she was alive. 10 Keller St., Petaluma. 765-4657.–D.T.

Best ‘Scream’ Substitute

Way back in ’94, when that whole lamentable brouhaha happened with director Wes Craven and his film Scream, the idiosyncratic director was forced to abandon his plans to shoot scenes at Santa Rosa High School, mainly because the school board didn’t like the icky, blood-drenched script. Fortunately for Scream–which went on to become the most financially successful horror film of all time and recently screened its third installment–a two-part substitute for SRHS emerged: the Sonoma Community Center and the Healdsburg Square. In the finished film, the Sonoma location makes up the exteriors of the school building, while the Healdsburg site becomes the school grounds. While lacking some of the gothic creepiness of the original location, these other sites worked quite well–and have since become a part of filmmaking history. On the other hand, SRHS may always be remembered as the location of Inventing the Abbots. (Wait! What movie was that again?)–D.T.

Best Celtic Harpist with Rabbit Ears of His Own

Patrick Ball is not just one of Sonoma County’s most famous folk musicians. The Forestville resident is widely accepted as being one of the few truly great Celtic harpists alive. Having already recorded numerous albums of his inspiring, soul-enlightening music–including several that are considered classics, and one great children’s album, the Rabbit Ears Records version of The Ugly Duckling, narrated by Cher during one of her maternal incarnations–Ball has now branched out into more daring terrain. For the last two years, he’s been honing his one-man stage show, a dramatic presentation about the life of blind Irish harpist and bard Turlough O’Carolan, to considerable critical acclaim. He’s toured the world and enchanted ears across the globe. We’re just glad, and proud, that he always comes back home . . . to Sonoma County.–D.T.

Best First-Time Novelist under 18

LAST YEAR, Emma Kallok, 13, saw her first children’s novel picked up by a major publisher. The Diary of Chickabiddy Baby (Tricycle) was received with critical praise and with general surprise at the mature quality of the writing. The author, a Sebastopol resident, was nonplussed by all the attention she received. Said she, “I just hope other kids who want to write are inspired enough to go ahead and follow their hearts.” This proves that Emma Kallok isn’t merely a first-class writer, she’s a class act, period.–D.T.

Best Place to Watch Bands Claw Their Way to the Top

For the past 11 years Northern California bands have been conducting an all-out musical war to achieve the top slot in Sonoma County’s legendary Battle of the Bands. Scott Goree, former owner of Magnolia’s nightclub in Santa Rosa and the current proprietor of Inn of the Beginning in Cotati, oversees the 13-week event and does most of the judging. The contest, open to all bands that write and perform original music, makes for a varied and lively collision of styles. With up to 27 bands rocking the house in an effort to blow off the competition (and win big, big prizes), there’s plenty of music for all tastes. Past winners include Disciples of Ed, Hangman’s Daughter, and Eric Lindell and the Reds. Inn of the Beginning, 8201 Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati, 664-1100.–B.E.

Best Dysfunctional Political Family (Runner-up)

In one corner is the Santa Rosa City Council majority angling for its pro-development agenda. In the other corner, the outspoken minority harps on its dais-mates’ kowtowing to big money. Some city councils schlep to retreats to foster consensus building and team spirit. Here, they just threaten to sue each other. The most recent fracas involved the selection of a planning commissioner, which took on Shakespearean proportions when a candidate was approved by a dubious process. Councilwoman Marsha Vas Dupre cried foul, and Vice Mayor Sharon Wright responded in a huff, threatening legal action. Perhaps it makes more sense for the council to be moderated by a boxing referee–or maybe a therapist: “Now, Marsha and Sharon, if you two can’t get along, we’ll have to ask you to take a 10-minute timeout.”–J.W.

Best Literary Event That Almost Didn’t Happen

The natives were restless and trouble was brewing. As usual, the root of the problem was sex. Seems some of the more conservative members of the Sebastopol Center for the Arts didn’t much care for the “Orgasmic” poetry writing contest being organized by the center’s Literary Arts Committee. But after a short bout of controversy, erotica and free speech prevailed, and the contest went on as planned. On Feb. 18, the winning writers gathered before a packed audience to read their sexy poems, which proved to be no more than slightly salacious in most cases. The neo-Victorians can relax: for explicit content most of these works would have been trumped by a sweeps-week episode of NYPD Blue (though cop shows rarely feature so many fruit-and-vegetables-as-my-beloved metaphors). Still, the audience heard some excellent poetry that night, especially from contest judge and award-winning San Francisco poet Kim Addonizio, whose readings made the windows in the room seem foggier than a car windshield on a Saturday night.–P.S.

Best Profane Band Name

Frankly, we were getting desperate. Every year, we try to bestow this award on some richly deserving local band (usually of the metal persuasion, for some reason). And every year, someone in the local music scene coins a name that springs right out at us, dripping and drooling with obscenity or blasphemy or both. But when we looked around this time, we couldn’t find a new moniker that met our needs. Then, in the dead of night, someone slipped a press release under our door announcing the creation of a new hardcore band: Patrick Ziemann’s Screamin’ Semen. And a legend was born.–P.S.

Best Use of Telecom Money

THE SHOCK IS STILL WEARING OFF. When a Sebastopol real estate developer put a plan in motion to convert the Phoenix Theatre into an office building, local music fans prayed for a last-minute miracle to save Petaluma’s venerable all-ages music venue. They got their wish, but not in the form they expected. Some figured Les Claypool and Tom Waits would step in with big music money to save the day. Others believed Metallica and Green Day were planning a benefit concert/protest march. But no one among the throngs of skateboarders, rockers, ravers, and hardcore kids who frequent the Phoenix guessed the bizarre truth–that a local group of middle-aged telecommunications engineers would use a bucket of Cisco Systems-buyout money to purchase the theater and preserve it as a youth hangout and sanctuary for alternative culture. That’s exactly what happened, of course, and the Phoenix is now going stronger than ever. Coming soon to the alt-music venue: AFI leads a punk-rock revival on Saturday, March 25, and Ozomatli offer their Latin rap on Friday, March 31. Check out the resurrected Phoenix at 201 Washington St. For more info, call 762-3565.–P.S.

From the March 23-29, 2000, 1999 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘Mission to Mars’

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Dr. Timothy Ferris on love, faithfulness, gravitational behavior–and ‘Mission to Mars’

Writer David Templeton discusses interesting films with interesting people, in his ongoing quest for the ultimate post-film conversation. This is not a review; rather, it’s a freewheeling, tangential discussion of life, alternative ideas, and popular culture.

Upon returning from Mission from Mars–Brian DePalma’s star-studded space-thriller about high-functioning rocket jockeys trapped on the Red Planet–Dr. Timothy Ferris, award-winning author, commentator, and popular interpreter of modern science, is quick to offer the following, decidedly down-to-Earth pronouncement:

“The first great film about Mars,” he says, “has yet to be made.”

The author of the best-selling books The Whole Shebang , The Mind’s Sky, and Coming of Age in the Milky Way, Ferris–who shuttles between homes in San Francisco and Sonoma County, California–writes a regular column for Scientific American and is a weekly commentator on MS-NBC.

He was the creator/host of PBS’ successful Life Beyond Earth special, wrote and narrated the award-winning PBS documentary The Creation of the Universe, and holds the lofty distinction of having produced the Voyager phonograph record, sent heaven-ward as a representation of the best we humans have to offer.

Which brings us back to Mission to Mars.

Well-acted by a cast that includes Timothy Robbins, Gary Sinise and Don Cheadle, the film–which took off like a rocket at the box-office but now seems in danger of disintegrating–follows a group of astronauts on a daring rescue mission to Mars. An early attempt at colonization, we learn, was thwarted by a mysterious disaster–something to do with Martian tornadoes and a giant stone face that looks a whole lot like the Buddha–and there may be survivors.

There may also be Martians.

At times, Mission to Mars flies close to greatness, as in the terrifying, free-floating spacewalk scene and during a deep-space emergency after the space-craft is perforated by high-speed micro meteorites. These moments succeed, according to Ferris, because the science at work is accurately rendered. When the science fails, however–“It would be too tedious to list all the mistakes,” he says–the film fails.

“Invoking science in a dramatic film is like falling in love,” says Ferris, leading me to a seat on his sun-soaked balcony, with Coit Tower looming behind us and the San Francisco Bay sprawled straight ahead. “The relationship between science and film will work if you take it to heart, meaning that you resolve to be truthful and responsible in all that you do. But if your intentions are not honorable–if you just want to rip her off–then your relationship with science will quickly turn sour. I think that’s what happened in Mission to Mars.”

As we talk, we are treated to a cacophonous serenade of parrot song, provided by a resident flock of wild parrots so famous they have their own Website (www.wildparrots.com). Ferris, treating himself to a cigar, pauses now and then to savor a puff as he formulates his words.

Mission to Mars invokes various scientific ideas,” he allows, “and some of them are good ideas, but then it is unwilling to be true to them. It’s unwilling to see what would happen if you were faithful to science, rather than just trying to get the sexy parts of science and do away with the rest. So it’s a kind of one-night stand, and it leaves you feeling cheap and disappointed and sorry that it didn’t turn out better.

“Look. Mars is a fascinating place,” Ferris continues. “We know it’s a fascinating place as a result of scientific research, because science found out enough about Mars that we know it has a fascinating personality. It has the potential, in a film, to have the authenticity and reverberance of the Serengeti or Everest.

“But in all these films, no one’s bothered to put enough of the real Mars on screen. They just rip off a little bit, you know, to get them started, and then they fake the rest.”

For example?

“The landscape of Mars, in Mission to Mars, is just wrong,” Ferris insists. “The verticals are wrong, the colors are wrong, the winds are wrong, the gravitational behavior of objects thrown up in the sky is wrong, and the gravitational field in which the astronauts are moving is wrong. All those things are wrong.

“The planet Mars,” he says, “deserves better. Mars has a ghostly beauty that’s not like anything on Earth. I doubt if the people who made this film ever even knew what the real Mars looks like.

“Nature is far more imaginative than we are,” he continues. “That’s the great lesson that science has taught us. The variety and richness of nature is greater than our capacity to imagine. This lesson has been absorbed widely in poetry and other arts, but strangely it has not been widely absorbed in film.”

At this point, the famous parrots sail jabbering over our heads, their operatic squawks combining with the high-pitched roar of a passing jet plane and the sounds of hammering from a nearby construction sight. It sounds like something from the soundtrack of 2001: A Space Odyssey, which, coincidentally, Ferris now mentions as the best example of a space film that treats its science with respect.

“2001,” he says, “is a scientifically voracious film.”

The eerie music fades away, and our conversation, too, lapses momentarily into quiet.

“Once again, a film-maker has got to get engaged, if not married, to the science,” he finally remarks. “You’ve got to say, ‘I’m going to make my very best effort to go all the way down the aisle with this stuff.’ Not just to have a couple of nice weekends with science–and then stop returning her calls.”

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Usual Suspects

Photograph by Michael Amsler

Hart Beat

Davis appoints Caryl Hart to state board

By Stephanie Hiller

EVER SINCE she came to Occidental and discovered the drastic shortage of parks and trails in the beautiful west county, Caryl Hart has been fighting for public access to open space. This week, Gov. Gray Davis announced her appointment to the state Parks and Recreation Commission.

She’s delighted.

“I feel it’s a perfect match with my interests and passions,” she says. Her application to the volunteer post last June was supported by Vice President Al Gore, state Sen. Mike Thompson, Rep. Lynn Woolsey, state Assemblywoman Virginia Strom-Martin, county Supervisor Mike Reilly, and others.

Athletic, slim, and sharp, Hart, 42, is the chair of the Open Space Citizens Advisory Committee to the Sonoma County Agricultural Preservation and Open Space District, to which she was appointed in 1993 by then Supervisor Ernie Carpenter. A Los Angeles native and a graduate of Cornell University, she earned a law degree at the University of San Francisco.

She is the wife of Grateful Dead drummer Mickey Hart. The couple has one child.

“It’s especially exciting because of the new state bond act that just passed. The commission recommends which projects will be funded from that and from all other sources,” Hart explains.

The commission is also responsible for developing a comprehensive policy for state parks, identifying appropriate use for existing parks, and recommending programs and activities.

“And it preserves cultural resources of the state,” Hart adds, “something Mickey is very interested in.”

Hart’s appreciation of public open space became more than a hobby during her years as a public defender in Marin County, when hiking the trails on Mt. Tamalpais helped her keep her sanity. From that experience, she understands the growing importance of free access to nature in an increasingly urbanized world. Parks need to be diversified, she says, to suit the people that use them.

“Everyone is paying taxes and has a right to public space,” she says, noting that wider use generates more widespread support. “Unless more people become involved, this may be the last [open space and parks] bond act that passes.”

Fortunately, it was passed by a large majority, showing that the need for wild places is recognized by the public as well as by the governor and Rusty Areias, the new head of the state Parks and Recreation Department, who has “energized the entire agency,” according to Hart.

STATE PARKS certainly needs to be revitalized. The department has been drastically underfunded by successive Republican administrations. “That’s why LandPaths was established,” says Hart, referring to the local nonprofit created to help manage the state-owned McCormick Ranch. The agency was a combined effort by Hart, Dee Swanhuyser, and the owner of the ranch, Sandra Perry. Linking Mt. Hood and Sugarloaf state parks, McCormick is expected to open next month.

Recently LandPaths has been working with the Mendocino Redwood Co. to create a program for public access to the fabulous Willow Creek watershed in Occidental. Visitors permits will be issued by LandPaths. Hart looks favorably on such partnerships with private organizations; if business were to become sustainable, she has said, that would go a long way toward solving the problems we face.

Environmental education is another key to preserving the natural environment, Hart says. “There are kids in Los Angeles who have never seen the ocean–that’s got to change,” she observes. “School trips are important–then the kids bring their parents back.”

Meanwhile, Hart is proud of what she has accomplished in Sonoma County. “People are noticing what we’re doing. Our Ag [Agriculture Preservation] and Open Space District is nationally recognized as a model of how to preserve land.

“That’s why I got the appointment.”

Now Hart will be expanding her considerable influence throughout the state. Sonoma County residents have reason to hope she’ll be applying some of that clout in her home territory.

From the March 23-29, 2000, 1999 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Local Kids’ Stuff

Photograph by Rory McNamara

Climbing the wall: Nikos Laub, left, and friend kick up their heels on the Howarth Park climbing wall in Santa Rosa.

Small World

‘Best of’ local kids’ stuff (Staff Picks)

“Huckleberry came and went, at his own free will. He . . . was always the first boy that went barefoot in the spring and the last to resume leather in the fall; he never had to wash, nor put on clean clothes; he could swear wonderfully.

In a word, everything that goes to make life precious that boy had.”

–from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

Best Place to Prepare Your Kid to Play in a Symphony

OK, so maybe little Cody has expressed an interest in playing the cello in a symphony orchestra. Where can you go to help the kid break into the big time? A good start might be the Young People’s Chamber Orchestra sponsored by the Santa Rosa Symphony. Founded in 1998 by the symphony’s principal violist, Linda Ghidossi-Deluca, and the symphony’s music education director, Jack Palacios, this chamber group aims to take the traditional orchestral performance environment one step further and mold a group of kids into a highly trained string ensemble. The students stand throughout the performance, creating a big-bang sound and plenty of excitement. Concert soloists are chosen from within the orchestra. In the future the orchestra hopes to play not only in concert halls, but also at nursing and retirement homes, children’s day-care centers, and homes for the developmentally disabled. 50 Mark West Springs Road, Santa Rosa. 546-8742.–B.E.

Best Way to Tell Your Kid “Go Take a Hike!” and Mean It

Pee Wee Audubon, the youth branch of Sonoma County’s Audubon chapter of the Madrone Audubon Society, sponsors free monthly field trips. Kids under 12 and families learn about tide pools, bats, astronomy, Native American history, and other fun stuff related to nature and the environment. Some of this spring’s special events include the annual Owl Program (limited to 40 participants, reserve a space!), with a visit to the Bird Rescue Center; a celebration of spring’s first day with a bird walk at Spring Lake; “Herons and Egrets,” “Orienteering,” and “Dragonflies.” Not only can your kids participate, but also you can help organize trips. 433-1150.–S.L.

Best Temporary Diversion for the Young and the Restless

“We used to use Ping-Pong balls, but they were really noisy,” says Mark Sell, proprietor of Sebastopol Hardware Center. “The cashiers complained.” Now the network of clear plastic tubing mounted in the ceiling of the store contains soft foam balls, originally designed as cat toys. The system, commissioned three years ago by local physicist Robert Porter, uses a constant flow of air to send balls racing around the circuit of tubes, swerving through the gardening section and even outside the building. “Kids just love it,” Sell says. “It gives them something to do when they’re in line. It takes a normally boring time and makes it interesting.” 660 Gravenstein Hwy. N., Sebastopol. 823-7688.–Y.B.

Best Place to Zap Your Kids

Q–ZAR, IN ROHNERT PARK, is a scary place. Hyperventilating teens, strapped to the pituitaries with plastic armor and armed to the teeth with noise-making laser weapons, crawl and clamber through a black-light maze, stalking one another as loud, vaguely futuristic rock music pounds its way through their ears and straight into the cerebral cortex. Once their prey is located, a sonic blast from their guns, if the aim is true, causes a jarring vibration that runs all through the victim’s chest-plate. Take that! You’re out! Teens, it seems, have a practiced advantage over their elders, but with a bit of repetition, parents can become laser warriors as skilled as their own progeny. Did we say Q-zar is scary? Wait till the grown-ups discover it. This may get a whole lot scarier. 6591 Commerce Blvd., Rohnert Park. 588-8100.–D.T

Best Way to Ensure That You’re Taken Care of When You’re Old

Sonoma State University’s EXCEL Program, the popular academic enrichment program, offers all sorts of fun stuff for students in grades 4-10. The course variety is designed to stimulate and challenge participants, providing them with resources to enhance the “learning experience.” When I took the marine biology program (many a year ago), we got to dissect all kinds of sharks and look at their guts, which is always interesting for an 8-year-old. Although that particular program isn’t offered this spring, other great classes include “Kitchen Chemistry,” “Multimedia Presentation,” “A Day in Court,” and “Travel the Mystery of the Web.” Classes are offered from February through July. 1801 E. Cotati Ave., Rohnert Park, 664-2394.–S.L.

Best Place for Kids to Capture the Spirit of Traditional Baseball

Sitting in the tiny press box of Rohnert Park Stadium has caused more than one jaded sportswriter to comment on the special feeling that comes from a Sonoma County Crushers baseball game. You’re close to the action and get an intimate, up-close experience right out of Bull Durham. Kids can actually get autographs and run the bases. Some lucky youngsters can even have a live Crushers star in their guest bedroom, thanks to a program that allows local families to host a ball player. Now entering its sixth season in the Western Baseball League, the Crushers franchise has had more than enough time to get its act together and offers a seamless National Pastime product. With ex-San Francisco Giants sensation Jeffrey “Hac-Man” Leonard coming on board as the new manager, this season should offer plenty of excitement. Team owners Bob and Susan Fletcher, along with their hard-working staff, have done everything they can to bring a unique baseball experience to Sonoma County fans. And the whole thing is affordable. Crushers tickets range from $3 to $13, and there isn’t a bad seat in the house. The team’s home season opens May 26 against the Zion Pioneers from St. George, Utah. 5900 Labath Ave., Rohnert Park. 588-8300.–B.E.

Best Place for Kids to Pull a Disappearing Act

There is something oddly retro about the dusty light of the Mostly Magic Shop in downtown Santa Rosa–as if the whole place were an elaborate set designed to fool the senses. On most days, you’ll find a talented magician, like shopowner Jon E. King or Ken Garr, hanging around doing close-up magic. If you catch them in a good mood, they might even run a few card tricks by you, but these guys are accustomed to getting paid big bucks for their act, so don’t expect an hourlong floor show for free. Still, this is a great place to introduce your kids to the art of magic. If you purchase a few basic illusions, your child can quickly master enough showmanship to dazzle friends and relations. All manner of classic tricks and stunts line the walls and are for sale. There is also a small library of books and videos that you can buy to get a youngster well on the way to being the next David Copperfield. 311 D St., Santa Rosa. 523-2842.–B.E.

Best Local (Not So) Mad Scientist

FOR YEARS NOW, the nickname that students end up giving Larry West, an eighth-grade science teacher at Petaluma Junior High School, is “The Mad Scientist.” It’s possible, of course, that every science teacher in every school in every city of the world has been called “The Mad Scientist” at one time or another, but West more than deserves the honor. “He makes science really entertaining,” says my 14-year-old daughter, Jenna, noting that the nickname refers to his fondness for gleeful repetition of such terms as “endoplasmic reticulum” and–while psyching the students up for some microscope work–his oft-repeated admonition “The world of the small is very enjoyable.” “He also keeps rabbits’ eyeballs and earthworms in little jars,” says Jenna, “waiting for the next dissection day.”–D.T.

Best Place to Ponder the Bones

Overheard during a recent tour of Mission San Francisco Solano (commonly called the Sonoma Mission) was a wide-eyed youth whispering: “Walk softly, Mom. We’re stepping on the bones of Indians.” Whether the boy meant this metaphorically or literally–rumors are that thousands of Native Americans are buried on the grounds of the mission, slain by smallpox and your basic Christian zeal, a point never discussed by the mission’s enthusiastic docents (though there is a move afoot to build a memorial to the Native Americans beneath the streets of Sonoma)–the whispered warning stands as a potent reminder that history is invented by those who survive. 20 E. Spain St., Sonoma. 938-1519.–D.T.

Best Place to Dream of Flying

Up, up, and away. Every third weekend of every month, the Pacific Coast Air Museum–found in and around a nicely crammed building at the Santa Rosa Airport–holds one of its famous display days, in which one of the numerous classic aircraft (permanently displayed out on the lawn, visible to amazed eyeballs the moment one turns onto Airport Boulevard) is opened to the public. It might be the sleek A-6E intruder, the UH-1 “Huey” medical Helicopter (straight out of M*A*S*H), or the F-84 Thunderstreak. Knowledgeable docents are always on hand to point out the details of high-intensity flight, and the museum is positively loaded with aeronautic facts and trivia. 2200 Airport Blvd., Santa Rosa, 524-7240.–D.T.

Best-Preserved Secret

ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN Play Station already. Those wan-faced, computer-addicted youngsters need to be out in the fresh air digging out scorpions from under boulders, wading in reed-clogged vernal pools, and poking about in educational piles of scat. And they can do all this and more during a nature hike at Fairfield Osborne Preserve on Sonoma Mountain–one of the county’s best-kept secrets. The rolling 7,000-acre area is a complex tapestry that’s home to eight different plant habitats, including ponds, a freshwater marsh, chaparral, an evergreen forest, grasslands, and a vernal pool. An educational resource since 1972, the land (which is maintained by Sonoma State University) is open to visitors on weekends. Guided hikes are offered every Saturday and Sunday at 10 a.m., beginning March 4. No reservation is necessary–just show up. It’s free for kids under 12; $3 for everyone else. The preserve also offers field workshops from March 18 through May 14 on a variety of topics, including geology, wildflowers, reptiles, and edible and medicinal plants. 795-5069.–P.H.

Best Giant Chicken of the Inedible Variety

Just inside the main gate of the Sonoma-Marin Fairgrounds in Petaluma stands (or squats) a massive fiberglass chicken. Six feet tall and nearly 11 feet from beak to tail, the enormous egg-layer–built countless years ago as a symbol of Petaluma’s Egg Basket history–roosts in abject stillness, staring straight ahead with a fixed gaze that suggests either extreme concentration or full-out psychosis. The chicken, which appears to be half buried in the mud, is a favorite climbing structure for visiting children and is a popular photographic subject as well. Just remember, children: she bites.–D.T.

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best of Sonoma County

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Small World

Paradise Found

You can tell a lot about people by what they’re willing to fight for. Vintage oaks, clean water, open space, peace of mind, that old apple orchard down the street. Simple things. Cherished things that have drawn us to this place for thousands of years. Once a year, we ask readers to tell us the best things about life in the North Bay (and, of course, the staff and contributors throw in their two cents’ worth). Here’s where we stand at the dawn of the new century.

Best Local Culture       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Best Local Kids’ Stuff       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Best Local Rest And Relaxation       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Best Local Romance       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Best of Napa County       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Best Local Food And Drink       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Best Local Everyday Stuff       Reader’s Choice       Critic’s Choice

Staff picks by Yosha Bourgea, Greg Cahill, Bill English, Paula Harris, Daedalus Howell, Bob Johnson, Shelley Lawrence, Patrick Sullivan, David Templeton, Janet Wells, and Marina Wolf

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

CEQA

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Talking Points

Activists, grape growers wrangle over bid to force tougher state environmental standards on local vintners

By Stephanie Hiller

CALIFORNIA’S STRIDENT environmental laws are so complex they can glaze the eyes of even the most seasoned urban planner. But more than 100 people, many of them seniors, turned out Feb. 26 to attend a daylong workshop on the complexities of the California Environmental Quality Act, held in Sebastopol. In the wake of mounting opposition to vineyard expansion in the county, many who attended the workshop are pushing for county officials to adopt the tougher state standards to curtail grape growing and curb the loss of woodlands, depletion of well water, and degradation of waterways that sometimes accompany vineyard developments.

“CEQA is the primary handle that we have to protect the environment,” says Brenda Adelman, who earned her training in the trenches the hard way, in the long–and ultimately successful–battle to keep Santa Rosa wastewater out of the Russian River.

“To me it shows the extent of the siege Sonoma County is under right now,” says Ann Hancock of Sustainable Sonoma.

West county activist Ann Maurice is quite certain that most of the attendees were there because of the spread of “wall-to-wall grapes.”

“The biggest land-use problem we are facing is this controversial conversion of apple and dairy farms to grapes,” says Maurice, whose Ad Hoc Committee on Water was instrumental in staging the workshop in collaboration with the Planning and Conservation League, which has produced these workshops in 12 other locations throughout the state.

Maurice, who jokes that “CEQA is my middle name,” recently collected 1,000 signatures asking that vineyard applications be subject to CEQA, demonstrating strong public support for her position that agriculture’s impact on the environment must be subject to state law.

That is not the practice in Sonoma County. Concerns about the rapid spread of vineyards have been exacerbated recently by the supervisors’ approval of the final, diluted version of the much-anticipated hillside vineyard ordinance, whose more prosaic new title–the Erosion and Sedimentation Control Act–reflects its diminished ambitions.

THE SUPES specifically exempted that ordinance from the CEQA process. “It’s not subject to CEQA because it encourages people to prevent environmental damage by doing an erosion control plan,” explains Supervisor Mike Reilly, who represents the vineyard-heavy west county.

Says Maurice flatly, “That’s false. The ordinance says you can plant within 25 feet of the creek. I don’t think that protects the creek. It gives growers license to pollute the creek.

“Besides, the illegal delegation of authority to the consultant preparing the erosion control plan, removing government’s discretion [to review] that plan, is outrageous.”

The distinction between so-called ministerial and discretionary projects is fundamental to the CEQA process. When a permit is awarded in accordance with existing law or the General Plan, government’s action is ministerial–i.e., administrative–and not subject to public review.

But when the agency has the option to decide whether to approve a project, its power is discretionary; that’s when CEQA comes into play.

CEQA makes it easy for residents to object to a project on the basis of its observed impacts. “If you as a citizen have any evidence that there will be an impact on the environment, the developer will have to do an environmental impact report,” says environmental attorney William Yeates, and the burden of proof will be on the agency, not on the public.

EIRS ARE NOT required for a project that developers can show will not adversely impact the environment. In that case, a “negative declaration” is prepared, a relatively simple process. CEQA requires agencies to develop “thresholds of significance” against which the project’s impact may be measured. If there are impacts that can be readily minimized, then a “mitigated negative declaration” may suffice.

Most agencies are happy to get by with these simpler procedures. But if the EIR is required–and citizen input may force the issue–an intricate process begins that ultimately leads to public hearings.

Public pressure may determine how effective–and how complex–the process will be. And the public has been known to become quite adversarial on these issues, bringing all its preferences to bear on stopping the project.

Once a decision is reached, the public has only 30 days to object, and lawsuits against the project are extremely hard to win, says Yeates.

“The biggest problem with CEQA is the expense of taking suit,” says Rick Coates of Forests Unlimited, who has challenged many timber harvest plans, the timber industry’s functional equivalents of EIRs.

Costs of preparation are paid by the applicant. But the applicant’s perspective was given little attention in the workshop. Says Nick Frey, executive director of the Sonoma County Grapegrowers’ Association, “If there is any public challenge, then the cost to do an EIR can be high. Small farmers will not likely want to endure the hassle.”

John Pina, director of vineyard operations for Stone Street, one of the companies owned by Jess Jackson of Kendall-Jackson, comments, “Speaking for growers, they don’t want anything to do with the process. Why would you if you never had to in the past?”

Isn’t it useful to protect the natural resources in the region? “What bothers me more than anything else,” he says, “is that there’s no single segment of the business economy that does a better job of managing the resource.”

The concerns of local residents about pesticide use by the grape-growing industry are uninformed, he believes, and as for water, well, “I guess if there’s water in the ground it belongs to everybody. Just because your well was there first doesn’t mean the water is yours.”

GROWERS’ opposition to being subjected to CEQA is surely what is driving state Assemblyman Don Peratta’s new bill to exempt vineyards from CEQA.

Frey believes that CEQA “would drive the small grower out of the business. They may not have the money and they likely would prefer to sell their land than deal with CEQA. That will drive the business to large vineyard organizations that have a staff to handle CEQA–or to non-ag uses.”

If so, the end result would be sour grapes on both sides of the fence.

It’s the big growers like Kendall Jackson that locals really want regulated, activists say.

Keith Abeles, a farmer and member of the Community Alliance with Family Farmers, says, “Most growers have 25 acres or less. They’re not laughing their way to the bank.”

Savvy neighbors say that the best way to avoid an EIR is to do the right thing in the first place. But until agreement is reached about what best practices are required, discussions become arguments, with angry feelings felt all around the table.

During the coming weeks, CAFF is holding a series of facilitated discussions to “get the people who are criticizing each other to talk more to each other.” Call 823-6788 for the schedule.

From the March 23-29, 2000, 1999 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Local Rest And Relaxation

Photograph by Rory McNamara

Cathedral in the woods: Seeking shade and solace beneath the big trees of Armstrong Woods.

Livin’ Is Easy

‘Best of’ local rest and relaxation (Staff Picks)

“Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me leading to wherever I choose.”

–Walt Whitman, “Song of the Open Road”

“Drink and sing, an inch before us is black night.”

–Japanese proverb

Best Place for Unapologetic Chimney Watching

Each fall, on the campus of the Rio Lindo Adventist Academy near Healdsburg, one of Northern California’s most thrilling avian spectacles takes place. Just before sunset, 10,000 Vaux’s swifts–they’re birds, for you non-Audubon folks–begin circling the campus en masse, preparing to roost in a single chimney, two stories high. Faux’s swifts, a species that once roosted exclusively in hollowed-out trees and stumps, have taken to chimneys in the last decade or so, mainly owing to declining natural habitat. Since they’ve found the remote Rio Lindo site, the birds have staged this spectacular nightly event with an increasing number of observers. The Madrone Audubon Society has taken to organizing tours to the campus to observe the ritual. Since the campus is a private residential school, visitors must have permission before arriving. Call the school at 431-5100 or the Madrone Audubon Society at 546-7492.–D.T.

Best Place to Let Your Cares Drop Dead Away

Writer/adventurer Jack London picked the tree-studded knoll above the Wolf House–the multistoried Glen Ellen dream house that burned down before London and his wife, Charmaine, could settle into it–as his final resting place. London used to come to this secluded spot–just yards away from a pair of graves for a couple of pioneer kids, and now tucked away amid the twisting, moss-covered oaks and madrones–to watch the red-tail hawks spiraling in the air above his beloved Valley of the Moon, to contemplate his writings, or just listen to the wind blowing through the arching boughs. he died in 1916. In a silent ceremony, his ashes were placed beneath a large boulder–a remnant of the nearby Wolf House. The site now rests behind a well-worn picket fence, spotted with golden lichen, covered with the ubiquitous green garment of velveteen moss, and draped in ferns. Sit on a fallen log, breathe the same air, feel the same breeze, watch the same hawks, and let your troubles slip away. The park is open daily, from 9:30 a.m. (the museum opens at 10) to 5 p.m. Jack London State Historic Park, 2400 London Ranch Road, Glen Ellen. Admission is $6 per vehicle; senior discounts. 938-5216.–G.C.

Best Hangout for Swingers

SAM KEEN–Sonoma’s resident trapeze-swinging philosopher (and author of the bestselling Fire in the Belly)–installed his own trapeze rig on his sprawling ranch. Since then, the place has become a mecca for people seeking a kind of inner healing by facing their fears through the miracle of practiced flight. Keen’s most recent book, the appropriately titled Learning to Fly, is a spirited examination of the healing powers of the trapeze. Fergie herself, the former Duchess of York, has visited Keen’s ranch to test her own resolve; after a few false starts, she flew, and Keen caught her. The 65-year-old author, as usual, practices what he preaches: he works out on the high-flying swings nearly every day. Call 996-9010 for information on upcoming classes and programs.–D.T.

Best Place to Open Your Energy Gates

Is there a single elusive key to cultivating energy, reducing stress, healing your mind and body, and mastering the art of self-defense? Without using drugs, breaking the law, or going insane, that is. Absolutely, according to soulful practitioners of the ancient Chinese arts of Tai Chi and Chi Gung. “By learning the Wu Style Short Form of Tai Chi, consisting of a sequence of 18 choreographed movements practiced in a slow, meditative manner, students will develop calmness, flexibility, coordination, ease of movement, and stamina,” explains local instructor Richard Upton, director of Santa Rosa Tai Chi & Energy Arts. “By practicing the seven invigorating yet calming exercises of Dragon-Tiger Chi Gung, students will discover a sense of energy in their bodies and through this become healthier, more flexible, and more energetic, because Chi Gung exercises stretch and lengthen all the tissues of the body and exercise all the joints.” It sure sounds seductive, and Upton’s loyal students follow him around the county to learn his healing techniques. Upton offers classes in Santa Rosa, Healdsburg, and Sebastopol, in a variety of sure-to-enlighten locations, including local parks. 433-5884.–P.H.

Best Tractor Trek

Want a different kind of winery experience than just the ol’ swirl-‘n’-spit routine in some claustrophobic tasting room? Well, grab the camera and head for Glen Ellen. Several times a day, the folks at Benziger Family Winery fire up the industrial-strength Massey 375 tractor and pull a tram-load of visitors through their picturesque vineyards. During the 45-minute tour, which chugs up high along the steep terraced site beside Jack London State Park, visitors get to stop at various exhibits and learn about the history of the property. They also learn about the Benziger clan and the intricacies of grape growing. Oh yes, and as a reward for paying close attention and not heckling the guide too much, sup a little vino al fresco while also drinking in the breathtaking views of Sonoma Valley. 1883 London Ranch Road (off Arnold Drive), Glen Ellen. 935-3000.–P.H.

Best Way to Hoof It to the Valley of the Moon

Secret yearning to be a cowperson moseying atop your sturdy steed forging a happy trail along the ridgetop as the coyotes begin their serenade and the sun sets over the hills? Thought so. So knot your kerchief and grab them grubby boots. Sonoma Cattle Company/Napa Valley Trail Rides offers guided full-moon rides at Sugarloaf Ridge State Park during the summer months. “We start two days prior to the full moon, and our guides time the rides so that we set out at sundown, watch the moon rise, and try to come back before it’s pitch dark,” says Laurieann Nelson, who owns the 16-year-old riding company with her husband. “In the summertime it’s hot, but it’s cool out on the ride. You can observe nocturnal wildlife, and it’s a stargazers’ dream.” To take the Old West fantasy further, smoky barbecues, complete with cowboy poetry and music, are available for groups of 10 or more. Sonoma Cattle Company/Napa Valley Trail Rides also offers day trails for riders of all levels through Sugarloaf Ridge State Park, Jack London State Historic Park, and Bothe Napa Valley State Park, four miles south of Calistoga. Yee-haw! 996-8566.–P.H.

Best Place to Take a Zen Time Out

Need to escape the rigors of your own mind? Want to learn to meditate, or just enjoy a soulful retreat for a day, a week, or even a month? Check out the Sonoma Mountain Zen Center high in the hills between Santa Rosa and the Valley of the Moon. For the past 25 years people have been coming to this 82-acre farm to seek the wisdom of Zen practice and understand the Buddhist way of life. Zen master William Kwong, 62, has a calm, reassuring manner that puts beginners at ease. Be aware that you will be required to sit still for up to 30 minutes on your meditation pillow. The center has more than 100 full-time members and hosts students from around the world. Newcomers wishing to dip their toes in the river of enlightenment can attend a meditation class on most Saturday mornings at 9 and are invited to stay for an oryoki buffet lunch. A $5 donation is requested. 6367 Sonoma Mountain Road, Santa Rosa. 545-8105.–B.E.

Best Place to Ride the Rim

It was 10 years in the making, and many would-be Rollerbladers likely outgrew their aggressive zeal for riding the rim–if not their boots–but these days Petaluma Skate Park is quite a fixture. The 14,000-square-foot facility, located behind the city’s Swim Center, boasts a challenging course of cement slopes, ridges, and bowls that attract both skateboarders and in-line skaters. In fact, skating enthusiasts helped design the $103,000 facility to best enable them to legally attempt eye-popping stunts. Posted at the site, a list of rules (which nobody reads) requires skaters to wear protective body gear and helmets. Yeah, right. But be forewarned–skaters use the park at their own risk; the city won’t be responsible for any concussions, chipped bones, or hospital bills. 900 E. Washington St.; Petaluma.–P.H.

Best Place to Play Tee Off in a Deep Fog

Tired of overcrowded Sonoma County golf courses? Want to play 18 holes in less than six hours? Try Bodega Harbour’s golf links on a winter day. This Robert Trent Jones Jr.-designed course is the poor man’s Pebble Beach. With dramatic ocean views and roughs cut like the toughest spots in Scotland, Bodega Harbour offers one of the most challenging golf experiences in the North Bay. But beware of the fog and wind. On a recent visit, visibility was around 30 yards and added a surreal element to the game. Still, finding golf balls that have disappeared into the mist must be enjoyed as part of the seaside game. Also be warned that part of the course has to be trekked (no golf carts allowed) on foot and might prove to be too much for those having difficulty walking steep inclines. Bodega Harbour Golf Course, S. Harbour Way (off Highway 1), Bodega Bay. 875-3538.–B.E.

Best Local Self-Guided Tour

At the 100-year-old Foppiano Winery is a charming historical Vineyard Tour–a self-guided walk through the vines–that is as historically edifying as it is pastorally inspiring. In other words, it’s an unhurried stroll through some of the most beautiful country on Earth. Ask for a tour pamphlet at the Foppiano tasting room. 12707 Redwood Hwy., Healdsburg. 433-7272.–D.T.

Best Place to See a New Sun Rising

I KNOW OF NO SWEETER JOY than that of being immersed in the ocean, watching the sun come up. Driving out to the coast at 5 a.m., checking the beaches for just the right combination of wind and wave, I like to stand at the top of the cliff next to the car and meditate on nature for a few minutes. Then comes the wretched removal of the clothes in the wind, a process brightened by the fact that I know I’m freezing my buns, shivering into a usually soggy wetsuit for a greater good, that of giving myself over to the forces of . . . Salmon Creek. After paddling out past the breaks, I like to lie on my board, chin propped up, and stare at the horizon with the new sun and the salty water washing over my shoulders. After surfing for a few hours (or until my hands are blue) and stopping for fatty snax on the way home, it’s still early enough to crawl back under the covers and sleep before my day really starts. And people wonder why surfers are so relaxed. Try starting the morning like this sometime.–S.L.

Best Mountain to Hike at Sunrise

Narrowing Sonoma County’s numerous peaks and pinnacles down to a single suggested hiking experience is tantamount to picking the best mouthful of a four-star restaurant meal. Frankly, it’s impossible. But here goes. Healdsburg’s Fitch Mountain offers some of the nicest views anywhere around. Its trails range from the not-so-hard to the, shall we say, pretty darn rugged. The trails are pretty, the views will make you gasp, and you’ll never want to come down again. From Fitch Mountain at sunrise, or just slightly after, the world actually seems like a nice place to live in.–D.T.

Best Place to Enjoy a Hole in the Head

Sometimes the worst plans of the power-crazed folks at PG&E go awry, and once in a while the public actually benefits from the gaffe. Case in point: In 1963, the huge utility decided to construct a nuclear power plant on Bodega Head. As detailed in a recent issue of California Coast & Ocean, the company acquired easements for power lines as far as Napa County and dug a huge hole–right on an earthquake fault– to hold the containment vault of the reactor core. Local residents learned of the plan, went to court, and spilled the beans to the news media. PG&E dropped the project and sold the site to the state for $1. The huge hole, known to this day as the “Hole in the Head,” is now a freshwater pond, much to the delight of local birds and birders. The site is part of Sonoma Coast State Beaches. Take Highway 1 north of Bodega, West Side Drive to Campbell Cove, and park. Admission is free.–G.C.

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Local Food And Drink

Photograph by Michael Amsler

Soul Food

‘Best of’ local food and drink (Staff Picks)

“It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love, are so mixed and mingled and entwined that we cannot straightly think of one without the others. . . . There is communion of more than our bodies when bread is broken and wine drunk.”

–M.F.K. Fisher

Best Place to Consume Meat While Lounging in the Presence of the Mighty John Wayne

At the Western Boot Steak House (“Established 1983”), there are literally dozens of photos of John Wayne, hanging on various walls among all the Western boots, spurs, cacti, and saddlebags. This Western theme is carried to a delightfully over-the-top extreme: one wall is decorated with what looks like an immense barn door, a cardboard cutout of the late Roy Rogers peers out from all the bric-a-brac, the wooden tables have been branded (a boot in a circle), and there’s a mailbox outside the front door that appears to be wearing a saddle. Then there’s a stuffed sheriff (or is he carved out of wood?) standing behind the front counter, wearing a star and a red bandanna, looking solemn but kindly. This being a restaurant, there’s food. Good food, too, with funny Western names. The best ones have been reserved for the appetizers: Tumbleweed Onion Rings, Sagebrush Zucchini Stix, Saddle-Up Sautéed Mushrooms, and Pistol Jalapeño Poppers. Which brings us to the steak. It’s basically great. Try the Smothered Steak, covered in onions and bell peppers. Like all the food, it’s tasty and reasonably priced. Just the way John Wayne would’ve wanted it. 9 Mitchell Road, Healdsburg. 433-6362.–D.T.

Best Place to Score One Bottle of the World’s Hottest Wine

Ever since the prestigious Wine Spectator magazine picked Chateau St. Jean’s 1996 Cabernet Sauvignon Cinq Cepages as its Wine of the Year in late 1999, well-dressed oenophiles have been seen lurking around the Kenwood post office. Like that of underaged teenagers, their mission is to score forbidden alcohol by bribing locals. Because only 140,000 bottles of the hottest vintage on the planet were produced, the winery has seen fit to limit purchases to one bottle per customer. The good news is the wine can be had for the original price of $28 a bottle. Truly a bargain when you consider that this coveted cab has already sold for as much as $300 a pop on the Internet. Wine Spectator says: “With its uncommon depth, ripe, juicy flavors, and plush, velvety texture, Cinq Cepages won votes from our editors for its quality, price, and availability.” This is the first time any Sonoma County wine has ever been honored as the Wine of the Year, so don’t wait to grab a bottle. Chateau St. Jean Winery, 8555 Sonoma Hwy., Kenwood. 833-4134.–B.E.

Best Meal in a Boudoir

OK, TEENSY RAVENOUS CAFE in Healdsburg isn’t actually a bedroom, but it sure feels like one. Dining in that intimate space (co-owned by Joyanne Pezzolo, above) feels as if you’ve ordered a very special room service at a fine Parisian hotel. At night, the restaurant, which has just eight tables, is transformed into a shadowy hideaway. Oversize tortoiseshell-framed mirrors, faux tiger-skin banquettes, deep ochre walls, topaz-hued beaded candleholders, and mellow music floating from the sound system complete the “chef’s bedroom” illusion. Once ensconced in a cozy corner, you forget that the place is attached to the lobby of the venerable Raven Theater. But don’t expect hot dogs and popcorn–smoked salmon and corn cakes with caviar and caperberries plus a glass of chilled sauvignon blanc will more likely be your fate. 117 North St., Healdsburg. 431-1770.–P.H.

Best Place for a Peanut Pizza

Yes, really, a peanut pizza. Borolos Original Pizza, one of Santa Rosa’s best-kept secrets, embodies all that is Californian and good with its eclectic pizzas, pastas, and salads. Take, for example, the Bangkok, made with peanut sauce, bean sprouts, roasted peppers, grilled chicken, fresh cilantro, and peanuts. It really works! The combinations border on the odd (chipotle ranch sauce, fresh spinach, and pineapple adorn the Petaluma), but everything is impossibly delicious. The salads go far above and beyond the usual “pizza place salads” of droopy romaine and canned cheese, boasting house-made dressings and pine nuts over everything. There’s even an extensive vegan menu. Borolos is open for dinner daily (takeout and delivery also available) and will cater with only a day’s notice. 500 Mission Blvd., Santa Rosa. 539-3937.–S.L.

Best Tandoori in a Hurry

The neighborhood taqueria has long been a mainstay for those suffering from emptiness of both belly and wallet. Nothing stretches those last few dollars like an enormous choke-a-goat burrito, which, if consumed carefully, can provide lunch, dinner, and even breakfast the next day. The downside? An inevitable surfeit of frijoles. The solution to bean burnout? Tandoori Express, conveniently located in a strip mall right across the street from Santa Rosa Junior College. What this little Indian restaurant lacks in atmosphere (fluorescent lighting, Styrofoam tableware) it more than makes up for in cheap, tasty, stimulating grub. The basic theme is goop over rice; vegetarians can choose from a wide variety of meatless curries that incorporate such ingredients as spinach, potatoes, chickpeas, and tofu. Carnivores may opt for lamb curry or tender, saffron-tinted tandoori chicken. Wash it down with a refreshing mango lassi and walk away with money to spare. 1880 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa; 543-8168.–Y.B.

Best Place to Sample Manna from Heaven

My grandmother once had a small kitchen towel inscribed with the words “If there are cookies in heaven, they will be gingerbread.” Based on the heavenly nature of grandma’s own gingerbread, the towel’s sentiment was easy to believe. Mouth-tingly and nose-tickly and warm from the oven, it was the closest thing to heaven this grandson ever wanted or needed. The closest thing to grandma’s gingerbread, it turns out, is the sweet, spicy gingerbread made by Healdsburg’s Downtown Bakery and Creamery. Offered in bake-it-yourself one-pound rolls sold over the counter for $3.75, the chilled gingery bread makes 30 to 35 cookies, depending on how thick you slice them. One thing’s for sure: If there is more than one kind of gingerbread in heaven, Downtown Bakery’s will be one of them. 308 Center St., Healdsburg. 431-2719.–D.T.

Best Place to Be Called “Hon”

Sam’s for Play Cafe is the anti-Denny’s, a reminder of how much better a restaurant can be when it isn’t homogenized and standardized to death. The eponymous owner has made the most of an unappealing location on the Sebastopol Road strip, advertising her diner in big blue can’t-miss-it lettering that reads “for play.” That’s two words, not one, and it refers to the reason Sam went into business in the first place. The atmosphere is accordingly welcoming and unpretentious. License plates, old sheet music, witty placards, and other tchotchkes adorn the walls; one waitress wears a name tag that says “Oh Miss.” You can buy a paper from the rack outside or rummage in the basket near the counter for a leftover sports section. And, oh yes, the food: the food is damn good. If you’re celebrating something, you might break your fast with a Hangtown Fry (oysters, onions, and eggs) and a champagne mimosa. But if you’re looking for a bargain, nothing beats the blue-plate special: a mess of potatoes, eggs, and chili for $2.95 on weekdays. 1024 Sebastopol Road, Santa Rosa. 528-0506.–Y.B.

Best Local Wine God

VETERAN WINE MERCHANT, restaurateur, and bearded bacchanalian Dick Warner of Petaluma’s Twisted Vines restaurant and wine bar dispenses vin with verve and advice with aplomb. To wit, the oenophile offers his sage counsel on pairing wines with food:

Rule No. 1: “There are no rules in food and wine pairing.”

Rule No. 2: “Drink what you like and eat what you like and you should be happy.”

Rule No. 3: “When I approach a table and ask what wines they drink and someone says, ‘I don’t know, I just buy wines that have pretty labels,’ I try to ascertain what kind of wine they might like and go find one of those–with a pretty label.”

Rule No. 4: “If I walk up to a table and four people are having four different entrées–ahi, duck, pork, or pasta, say–and they all want something different to drink, I can offer them 30 different wines by the glass to taste at any given time. Oftentimes, I’ll get them a Qupe or Morgan syrah and they’ll be very happy. And that’s it.” Twisted Vines, 16 Kentucky St., Petaluma. 766-8162.–D.H.

Best Place for Wonton Warbling

It’s a routine Friday night as you saunter over to Safeway in the St. Francis Shopping Center to pick up a pint of milk. The grinning checkout guys ‘n’ gals beckon, but somehow you’re drawn instead to make a detour into the mysterious Rita’s New China Restaurant & Lounge–a Chinese and American restaurant and bar on the corner. The rough-hewn place smells of old leather banquettes, chop suey, and Jack Daniel’s. Folks are chowing down cheeseburgers and egg rolls in the old-style dining room. The cunning blonde behind the bar recommends her “special” mai tai. It’s a truly lethal concoction–a potent fruity elixir that likely fuels many of the cigarette-voiced karaoke performers this night. Strands of tinsel and a silver-mirrored disco ball gussy up the tiny stage for each “Tina” or “Garth.” You sip your cocktail, and the evening mellows on. The big ol’ Chinese lanterns swing as a bevy of rancher types in cowboy hats sway to the macarena on the postage-stamp-sized dance floor. Too many mai tais later finds you onstage, a solo B52, yowling something about glitter on the highway. Mercifully, someone takes the microphone away . . . and you remember no more. True tale or blatant fiction? Ramble into Rita’s sometime and find out for yourself. 138 Calistoga Road, Santa Rosa. 537-0308.–P.H.

Best Box at the Market

At the supermarket no one is looking. We’re free to press pears and fondle figs as much as we need to to determine their fitness for the fruit bowl. Not so at the Dry Creek Peaches and Produce stand. Here the ever-vigilant Johanna Monroe hovers over her wares, watching as if to prevent even probing gazes from denting and bruising the succulent flesh of the Dry Creek peaches. The Monroes take no chances, carefully laying their peaches one layer thick in cushiony plastic forms: no down-pressing piles of produce here. Johanna is the watch guard, carefully cutting up samples and turning away tentative fingers with a stern look. Since you can’t squeeze, you’ll just have to trust that every peach is as good as the sample: wine-sweet, juicy, aromatic, perfectly ripe. Trust us: every peach is that good. Look for Dry Creek peaches during the summer months at the Santa Rosa farmers market. Veterans Building, 1350 Maple Ave., Santa Rosa. 433-8121.–M.W.

Best Place to Shoot the Bull

MIKE CONDRIN KNOWS BEEF when he sees it. As the owner and resident character of Mike’s at the Yard–a quirky Petaluma hamburger joint–and the recently opened Mike’s at the Crossroads, in Rohnert Park, Mike has cooked up a reputation as a guy who knows good fresh beef when he sees it. Since many of his first customers were ranchers and cattlemen, he knew he’d have to serve only the best. He also knew he’d have to learn to shoot the hooey with the best of them, tossing rapid-fire one-liners and good-natured put-downs like Don Rickles on energy drinks. Now Mike is famous throughout the county for his beef, and for his bull. Mike’s at the Yard, 84 Corona Ave., Petaluma; 769-1082; Mike’s at the Crossroads, 7665 Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati, 665-9999.–D.T.

Best Comfort Food When You Have the Dough

A poem:

Of all the desserts that the world has created,
Bread pudding is one that seems oft to be hated.
Perhaps it’s because the stuff looks like a lump
of some comfort food that could cure a bad mump.
But at downtown Sonoma’s the General’s Daughter,
where food is inventive and tastes like it oughta,
the desserts are so good they may almost cause pain,
the kind you’d gladly have again.
The bread pudding’s likely to make a guy swoon,
so fluffy and light it’s like eating a balloon,
Creamy beneath and crunchy on top,
(use a spoon so you’re sure to get every last drop),
so sweet and delicious, it’s quite a nice find.
Though you hate most bread puddings–
you’ll sure love this kind.

400 W. Spain St., Sonoma. 938-4004.–D.T.

Best Place to Drink Coffee with Portuguese Storytellers

THE PORTUGUESE MARKET appeared quietly a few years back and has since become a humming hub of conversation and information for the area’s large Portuguese community. This cozy, charming little place is dominated in front by a deli counter crowded with linguica and birananas and corn breads and sweet breads. The back of the store has been turned into a bright, sunny coffee shop, with a handful of tables arranged around a row of urns dispensing a steady flow of hot coffee to warm the souls of those engaged in a constant stream of conversation. 186 Keller St., Petaluma. 776-0905.–D.T.

Best Nonwinery Tour in the Wine Country

Timber Crest Farms, a manufacturer of dried fruits and vegetables, has been drying and bagging stuff for years, tackling everything from prunes and apples to raisins and pineapples their immensely popular sun-dried tomatoes. Yet it’s located smack dab in the middle of wine country. While out tasting the fermented fruits of the county, come on by for a tour of the grounds and a taste of the tomatoes or Vital Veggies–a mix of crunchy dried carrots, peas, and corn that is, as the package says, both good and good for you. 4791 Dry Creek Road, Healdsburg. 433-8251–D.T.

Best Name for an Eatery

As far as strong, full-sensory restaurant names go, we’re kind of taken by the Flaky Cream Do-nuts and Coffee Shop, a donutery and old-fashioned breakfast-lunch counter in downtown Healdsburg. Flaky. Cream. Donuts. The name alone makes us salivate. If the food, from omelets to top sirloin, is half as good as that name–and reports are that it is–then this little establishment could end up being packed every day of the week. Oops! It already is. 441 Center St., Healdsburg. 433-3895.–D.T.

Best Place to Study Up on Wine Facts

Phylloxera is an agricultural root disease that is known to be destructive to grapevines. I know this because I looked it up at the Wine Library. Tucked into a spacious area of the downtown Healdsburg Library, the world-renowned Sonoma County Wine Library–a vast resource to researchers around the globe–is a stunningly vast collection of books, pamphlets, magazines, films, and local records, all relating in some way to wine, wineries, or the wine country. The Wine Library is open to the public during regular library hours. 139 Piper St., Healdsburg. 433-3772.–D.T.

Best Place to Find Fellow Vegans

Vegans, vegans, who’s got the vegans? If you’re one of the growing number of Americans who have cut both meat and dairy products out of their diet, or if you’re thinking about taking that healthy and humane step, you might be wondering where the heck you can meet like-minded locals. Wonder no more. Every month, Sonoma People for Animal Rights hosts a friendly potluck where every morsel on the table is free of animal products. Local vegans gather to eat, share tips about cooking and dining out, and generally have a laid-back time. Bring your own dish (with no eggs, dairy, or flesh) and drop by on Saturday, April 15, at 6 p.m. Inn of the Beginning, 8201 Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. 869-9052.–P.S.

Best Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich

Jimtown Store has been serving locals and surprising tourists at the same Alexander Valley location for parts of three centuries and two millennia. It is the quintessential general store, offering everything from candy to apparel and from housewares to packaged specialty foods. But the best reason to stop is for the deli food, a tasteful twist added to the Jimtown “experience” when John Werner and Carrie Brown purchased the venerable business 10 years ago. If you can’t decide between the Dijon-glazed chicken breast and the brie and olive salad, relive your childhood by opting for the peanut butter and Jimtown jam sandwich. OK, so it’s not technically a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but it’s every bit as sweet and gooey and satisfying. 6706 Hwy. 128, Healdsburg. 433-1212.–B.J.

Best Place to Learn the Fine Art of Cooking

OPEN FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS NOW, Ramekins Sonoma Valley Culinary School is a magnificent place for the eager home cook to pick up a few tips from some of the world’s greatest chefs and cookbook writers. A typical season’s worth of classes includes such offerings as Cooking 101, with radio personality Arlyn Hackett; Soup–Italian Style, with author Louise Fiszer; Cooking for One (or Two), with Laurel Miller; and Mollie Katzen’s Savory Spring, with The Moosewood Cookbook author Mollie Katzen. Cooking classes run from $45 up and are the perfect blend of entertainment, education–and food. 450 W. Spain St., Sonoma. 933-0450.–D.T.

Best Local Place to Soak in Smooth Jazz and Wine

The genre of music known as smooth jazz may evoke sneers among traditional jazz aficionados, but it has taken America’s airwaves by storm and ranked among the more popular radio station formats of the 1990s. Locally, smooth-jazz artists perform each summer on the grounds of Rodney Strong Vineyards. The sun and heat can sometimes be oppressive, so winery personnel set up giant misting fans to soothe and cool attendees between (or even during) sets. The highlight of last summer’s concert series at Rodney Strong was the appearance of Peter White and Rick Braun, and the adulation accorded White proved to be a harbinger: at the first annual Smooth Jazz Awards, the genre’s version of the Grammys, White took home no less than four awards, including “Artist of the Year.” Sunny skies, soothing sounds and well-chilled wine . . . not a bad way to spend a weekend afternoon. 11455 Old Redwood Hwy., Healdsburg. 433-6511.–B.J.

Best Local Apple Pie and Dessert Wine Pairing

Having grown up in a bakery, I know a thing or two about apple pie. And while the pies we sold to customers were good, they paled in comparison to those made at home by my mom. In later years, I have often wondered why my folks didn’t use Mom’s recipe for the bakery pies. Even today, at age 79, Mom makes the best apple pie I’ve ever tasted. Still, Jeff Mall of Zin Restaurant & Wine Bar has won a place in my heart. After chowing down on one of Mall’s fabulous main courses, accompanied by a glass of local zin, you may not have room for pie. If that’s the case, order a slice to go; it tastes even better the second day. Where did Mall get the recipe for the world’s second-best apple pie? From his mom, of course. 344 Center St., Healdsburg. 473-0946.–B.J.

Best Local Food and Wine Event

The Sonoma County Showcase of Wine & Food may be this county’s answer to the Napa Valley Wine Auction, and its hefty price tag also emulates its Napa cousin’s. But for the non-manicured among us, no local event can beat “A Food & Wine Affair,” an annual fest hosted by the wineries that comprise the Healdsburg-based Russian River Wine Road. For $35 per person (in advance), ticket holders can visit dozens of wineries in northwest Sonoma County and sample specially prepared dishes paired with the wineries’ best bottlings. This non-stop nosh goes on for two days, and the price includes a logo glass and a cookbook with recipes for the various dishes featured. 433-4335; www.wineroad.com.–B.J.

Best Local Mac ‘n’ Cheese

A personal tale of woe (it has a happy ending, so keep reading): At the tender age of 20, I married a woman with two young daughters. For the first year or so of this doomed union, our family ate little else but Kraft macaroni and cheese. Why? The boxes cost around 18 cents apiece at the time. A few years later we divorced, and I vowed I’d never eat mac ‘n’ cheese again–even though I liked it. Through all the years of raising my daughters, I kept that promise . . . until one day last fall. I had heard good things about the craft beers at Sonoma’s Siena Red Brewery and Bistro, so I decided to pay a visit. It was a cool, breezy day, so I figured I’d have something warm and hearty along with the brew. I picked up the menu, and the words “Macaroni & Cheese” jumped out at me. “No,” I thought to myself. Then I read the description of the dish: made with sharp Sonoma cheddar and topped with fresh breadcrumbs. “Hmm,” I thought. “Why not? This isn’t like Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese.” So I ordered it, along with a glass of Siena Red Ale. And I was right: This was no ordinary mac ‘n’ cheese; it was rich, creamy and delicious. Then a pang of guilt set in. Had I broken that promise I’d made to myself way back when? It took me only a split second to come up with the answer: “Who cares?” 529 First St. W., Sonoma. 938-1313.–B.J.

Best Local House Wines

Living in California’s acclaimed wine country is a double-edged sword. The dull edge: we have access to some of the finest wines made in all the world. The sharp edge: many of those wines come with a hefty price tag. Since we can’t, in good conscience, tap into Junior’s college fund in order to drink these special wines on a regular basis, some tasty, affordable alternatives are needed. Gundlach-Bundschu Winery provides a solid one-two punch in the value arena with its Bearitage and Polar Bearitage bottlings. Bearitage, sporting a drawing of a brown bear squeezing the juice from a grape cluster into his mouth, is a blend of cabernet sauvignon, merlot, and zinfandel (and other red varietals–the recipe varies from vintage to vintage) that matches well with pasta and simple meat dishes. Polar Bearitage (can you guess the color of the bear on its label?) is a blend of white varietals, including chardonnay and sauvignon blanc, that is a wonderful quaffer or companion to white-meat preparations and other dishes with cream-based sauces. Best of all, you can find each bottling for less than $10–occasionally much less, with a little shopping. They’re also available at the winery, at full retail. 2000 Denmark St., Sonoma. 938-5277. –B.J.

Best Place to Blow the Rent on Seeds and Veggies

CARNIVORES PAY BIG BUCKS to tuck into exotic, rare, and endangered animal species. Vegetarians with deep pockets can do something similar with obscure crops and grains at one of the Occidental Arts and Ecology Center’s benefit dinners. This nonprofit educational institute features the finest seasonal harvest from its abundant organic gardens and orchards. Tickets range from $100 to $500 a plate and tables go for $500 to $5,000. For example, a Lost Crops of the Incas Dinner last spring dished up such unusual crops as zima beans, mashua, oca, and yacon, and such grains as quinoa and kiwicha. “Ingredients will be picked or plucked just hours before mealtime,” boasts the OAEC’s glossy brochure. Start saving now. 15290 Coleman Road, Occidental. 874-1557.–P.H.

Best Local Hangout for Rhône Rangers

A number of local wineries have jumped on the “Rhône” bandwagon in recent years, planting varietals common to the Rhône region of France but seldom before seen in California vineyards. These pioneering vintners, dubbed “Rhône Rangers,” have found that many Rhône varietals fare very well in the Golden State’s North Coast climes and make delicious–and often much less expensive–alternatives to the more pricey Bordeaux varietals. For an authentic taste of Rhône cuisine, look no further than The Girl & the Fig, Sondra Bernstein’s cozy eatery in Glen Ellen. Here, Provençal-inspired food and wine combine to provide a French country dining experience like no other on this side of the pond. When you visit, be prepared to have your tastebuds dazzled by the scents and flavors of Mother Earth–in both solid and liquid form. 13690 Arnold Drive, Glen Ellen. 938-3634.–B.J.

Best Local Carpet of Color

Coming soon to a wine estate near you: an awe-inspiring blanket of nature’s color pallet. On April 8, Ferrari-Carano Vineyards will host “A Taste of Spring,” the first opportunity for visitors to enjoy thousands of tulip and daffodil bulbs bursting from the lush gardens surrounding the winery’s Villa Fiore. Flower lovers and wine lovers alike look forward to this annual rite of spring; normally, one must visit an arboretum to experience such vivid splashes of horticultural color. (There is a fee of $10 for “A Taste of Spring,” which includes a winery logo glass.) 8761 Dry Creek Road, Healdsburg. 433-6700.–B.J.

Best Winery Nobody Knows About

Well, hardly anybody. Accessed via a winding hillside road, Armida Winery is worth the hairpin turns and gear-challenging ascent. Once one arrives at the tasting room, parks the car and disembarks, sweeping valley and vineyard views demand attention. For several years, the vineyards were far in the distance, but now they can be seen up close as well, since Armida recently planted its first estate vines adjacent to the sloping road leading to the winery. Since this is a new planting, long stretches of plastic occasionally are sprawled across the rows of vines, protecting them and the hillside from rainy-season erosion. In a few years, those vines will be producing fruit that can be transformed into wine, joining Armida’s already stellar lineup of bottlings. And just in case you pause too long while soaking in the vistas, the estate’s friendly dog, aptly named Wino, will arrive and lead you to the tasting-room doors. 2201 Westside Road, Healdsburg. 433-2222.–B.J.

Best Expensive Local Zinfandel

Forty-five bucks for a bottle of zin? You’ve got to be kidding! Wish we were, but that’s about what you’d ante for a bottle of Bismark Vineyard Zinfandel from Hanna Winery. Made from grapes grown in the highest vineyard in Sonoma County, this wine is “big” in every way, from its 16.5 per cent alcohol to its amazing fruit flavors. While zinfandel normally is considered a great food wine, this bottling defies that description; frankly; we have no idea what we’d eat with it. Like many cabernet sauvignons, it’s one of those bottlings that deserves to be consumed solo–just you, your main squeeze, a fireplace, a bear rug . . . you get the picture. Look for this wine in local stores, because the fare at the winery is certain to be even higher. “Is it worth it?” you ask. That probably depends on how things pan out by the fireplace. 9280 Hwy. 128, Healdsburg. 575-3371.–B.J.

Best Local Restaurant for Food-and-Wine Pairing

THERE ARE DOZENS of fabulous local restaurants that combine outstanding menus with lengthy, well-selected wine lists. But for pairing specific courses of a meal with specific wines, it’s hard to beat Mistral Restaurant. On Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evenings, this Santa Rosa culinary institution offers a four-course “tasting menu” wherein each course is paired with a selected wine. Overkill? Perhaps. Memorable? Without question. 1229 N. Dutton Ave., Santa Rosa. 578-4511.–B.J.

Best Affordable Local Zin

Zinfandel prices have skyrocketed as the varietal’s popularity has grown, but the best deal on local zin three years ago probably is the best deal on local zin today. We speak of Seghesio’s bottling, a much more accessible wine than Hanna’s monster and, thus, an ideal food wine. Seghesio Family Vineyards makes more than one zin, so look for the one with the blue capsule and save yourself some green. (Seen for around $12; higher at the winery.) 14730 Grove St., Healdsburg. 433-3579.–B.J.

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Best Local Everyday Stuff

Photograph by Michael Amsler

This & Tatts

‘Best of’ local everyday stuff (Staff Picks)

“A man’s best things are nearest him.”

–Richard Monckton Milnes

Best and Most Inviting Iron Gate

Iron gates can be so imposing. They tend to be big. And they’re also so . . . made of iron. The vast iron gate that protects the courtyard of the Erickson & Elins Gallery, however, is far less imposing than it is inviting. About 10 feet tall, the gate is adorned, at the top, with a kind of decorative metal grapevine sculpture. It draws the eye, first to the gate itself, then to the space beyond it, an elegant building with enormous rectangular windows. Then the eye is pulled in even further, past the window and into the gallery, where a magical spiral staircase stands waiting to be ascended and where untold treasures hang waiting to be seen. 324 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg. 431-7073.–D.T.

Best Place to Unleash Your Mutt

He’s really friendly and good with children; she always comes when she’s called. But that won’t save you from a fine if your dog gets caught leashless in most public parks. If you want to give Champ the full-tilt workout he so desperately needs, you’ll have to venture further afield. On days when schlepping all the way to the beach is too much to ask, try the tranquil alternative of the footpaths on Willowside Road, located a few miles west of downtown Santa Rosa between Guerneville Road and Hall Road (aka Third Street). You’ll know you’re there when you see cars parked on the shoulder near a bridge. On either side of the creek run seemingly endless aisles of gravel bordered by bucolic fenced pastures where horses canter, ducks quack, and the occasional wild pheasant ululates in the underbrush. Dog heaven.–Y.B.

Best Eyesore

Sonoma County’s own little piece of San Jose, the Petaluma Auto Plaza sign is just as crass today as it was when first erected years ago. Towering over the freeway, the monolith blares an unceasing flow of pixilated shuck-and-jive into the eyes of commuters, with a malign authority no meek Clover-Stornetta billboard could hope to command. The idea that this monstrosity might actually compel someone to purchase a new automobile, rather than flee the scene in the one they already have, seems absurd. And yet the sign endures; it is, as popsters Ace of Base would have it, demanding without understanding.–Y.B.

Best Old-School Graveyard

Conventional motives aside, there are several reasons to visit graveyards. Most of them have to do with the perennial desire for solitude, and a graveyard is one of the few outdoor places left where one can reasonably expect to find it. If you want to brood about your own mortality (or someone else’s), there’s no better place. Then again, it’s a perfect setting to celebrate your own survival. Under the right circumstances, it can even be an appropriate picnicking spot. The key word is respect; leave things as you find them, and recognize that if there are other visitors, their grief outranks your introspection. One particularly beautiful graveyard is up on Sullivan Road, just west of Graton off Graton Road. It was photographed last summer for a Rolling Stone article on local mad hatter Tom Waits, but apart from that, the place is usually deserted. Bring a journal, a pillow, a harmonica, or just yourself.–Y.B.

Best Place for Angling While Getting Sheared

Well, Vicchi and Michelle probably won’t be too happy if you do go fishing during your hair appointment, but watching the 44-gallon pond (resplendent with goldfish and trickling fountain) in the display window at Two Women Doing Hair is an excellent way to relax while getting the great cuts and colorings. One of these two talented hair goddesses will scrub, condition, and style your tresses with Aveda and other natural products while you gaze up at the 30-foot Baroque-style ceiling. They’re such wonderful women that when your session of fashion is over, you won’t want to leave. Both ‘dressers have packed schedules, so expect a two- to three-week wait. 309 D St., Santa Rosa. 544-5250.–S.L.

Best Place to Savor the Saving Grace of Rock on a Sunday

JONATHON LIPSIN HAS A PASSION for music that won’t be denied. Since relocating to Sebastopol two years ago, after 17 years in Toronto, the proprietor of Incredible Records has transformed his store into a shrine dedicated to the saving grace of rock ‘n’ roll. Virtually every inch of his shop–countertops, walls, ceiling, and floor–is packed with rare rock memorabilia, some for sale, some not. Randy Bachman’s 1966 Fender Jaguar, the same one he used to record the solo in the Guess Who’s No. 1 hit “American Woman”; a black-and-white photo of an exuberant John Lennon and Paul McCartney coming off the plane in London (and shot from behind the mop-haired pop stars)after conquering America in 1964; a tattered Bruce Springsteen & the E. St. Band tour jacket (only a few were made for the band; this one was hauled out of a dumpster by local musician Stu Blank); collectible copies of such seminal rock and folk periodicals as The Axe, Broadside, Sing Out!, and Distant Drummer; an autographed Eddie Van Halen guitar pick; Steve Miller’s fringed suede vest (circa 1967); and, of course, the Grateful Dead–rare records, ceramic busts, dolls, rare photos, posters. You can rub elbows with the likes of Carlos Santana and Tom Waits, both of whom shop there from time to time. Or catch free music shows–40 bands played in four days at the shop’s first anniversary party; Sam Andrews of Big Brother and the Holding Company performed at the second anniversary bash. 112 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 824-8099.–G.C.

Best Place to Shop While Waiting for the Train That Never Arrives

While recovering from a traumatic breakup, I decided to hit the vintage boutiques with a friend. While trying on items, I got a wonderful impression of Look Fashion and Finery’s owner, Mandy Finneran. “Hey, it’s Marilyn Manson!” she yelled as a sullen-looking girl in black lipstick and lace skulked in. “I have just the thing for you!” Mandy pulled out a bracelet made of iron skeletons from the display case. “I got it on the Net,” she quipped. A fleeting smile crossed the sullen girl’s face, and Mandy whispered to us, “I just love knowing what my customers will like!” After I declined a sequined cashmere sweater from the ’50s (way too cheerful for right now), Mandy offered to hold it back for me, giving me a tank top and hair clips because “you look like you need a present, sweetie!” This is the kind of place where the longer the time spent inside, the more treasures found. 6761 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol. 823-6288.–S.L.

Best Bathroom for Deep Thought

You’ve got to see it to believe it. Check out the women’s restroom at Hank’s Creekside Restaurant. (Hey, even if you’re male! The loo is one-person occupancy, so don’t worry about walking in on someone.) We won’t ruin the surprise by saying anything more than this is the best bathroom in Sonoma County for serious contemplation. Instead, let’s talk about some of the other stuff that Hank’s offers: great service (Hank Vance and his wife, Linda, own the place, and the entire wait staff–we think–is made up of their kids), some of the best breakfasts available, and a wonderful, homey ambiance. One entire side of the restaurant is windowed, offering the diner a lovely view of Santa Rosa Creek in all its glory, rushing amid the greenery 30 feet below. 2800 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 575-8839.–S.L.

Best Place to Pick Up a New Best Friend

It’s easy to go gaga over the baby critters in the pet store as you pass by the window. But when was the last time you really checked out the local animal shelters? The grim reality is that many unwanted shelter animals, if not adopted, face a tragic fate. According to the Humane Society of the United States, between eight and 12 million animals enter the 6,000 shelters nationwide each year, and between 30 and 60 percent of those animals will be euthanized. Of the 4,141 animals brought to the Santa Rosa shelter in the fiscal year 1997-98, 2,235 were euthanized, another 952 were reclaimed by owners, and 954 were adopted, say shelter organizers. Meanwhile, animals tend to live in banks of stacked cages, often in old shelters where there’s no space to bathe or groom them or full-time staff to provide any extra attention. Older animals are often ignored by visitors. You have the power to end an animal”s heartbreaking situation–and find yourself a new best friend in the bargain. Call your nearest shelter.–P.H.

Best Use of an Awkward Lot

Call it entropy, call it urban blight, call it a landscaping emergency and dial 911. Whatever you want to call it, the presence of unused, awkwardly shaped empty lots can be a real problem. “As is” at least they offer weedy flowers and frogs. All too often they just attract firework stands and cars for sale. Such seemed to be the fate of that wedge-shaped parking lot that always startles new drivers as they turn right onto Mendocino Avenue from College Avenue. Fronted by a battered building, whose layers of signage boasted both ice cream and Chinese/American cuisine, that lot was difficult to miss and utterly forgettable, but somebody finally did the right thing and made an honest, functioning piece of property out of it. Airport Express made the site its downtown pickup point. The transformation would be complete if they’d fill the currently blank-faced storefront with a nice, atmospheric cafe. Something with milk shakes and fortune cookies, perhaps.–M.W.

Best Conversion of Naturally Occurring Railcar Formations

They’re everywhere along the rails of America: abandoned cars sloughed off like dirty, dead cells from an organism that evolved, moved on, and went high-speed autobahn. These railcars will rust for decades unless you do something with them, which Gravenstein Station in Sebastopol did this year to great effect. It put thriving businesses in the cars–an arty salon and, appropriately enough, a travel agency–laid down some good floorboards and cafe space for Coffee Catz, and even added bathrooms that have doors on the stalls. Maybe it takes a new hotel nearby to get this kind of upgrade, but who cares. Everyone benefits. Now if only they could do something like that with the tracks full of detritus around Railroad Square. 6761 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol–M.W.

Best Place to Eat Muffins While Your Car Is Being Lubed

Loyal Freeman Toyota customers know the drill. You want to get your oil changed first thing in the morning while the muffins from Muffin Street Bakery are still warm and available. A generous tray of aromatic baked goods usually arrives around 7:30 in five flavor incarnations. And there’s nothing stripped down or underequipped about these muffins. They come fully loaded with chocolate chips, poppy seeds, or blueberries. Wash them down with free coffee, hot chocolate, or cider and you’re set till noon. Freeman offers a basic oil change and all the muffins you can eat for $24.95, and if the job isn’t done in 29 minutes or less, your next visit is free. There’s no appointment necessary, and the lube bay is open seven days a week. Drop in for a pit stop from 8 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday through Saturday, and 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on Sunday. 2875 Corby Ave., Santa Rosa. 542-1791.–B.E.

Best Place to Get Your Baseball Leather Tuned

THERE’S NOT ENOUGH ROOM in Fran Fleet’s tiny Cotati shop to play a decent game of catch, but she’s been retooling baseball gloves at her workbench there for the last 20 years. At Sandalady Glove Repair you can bring in that treasured Mickey Mantle outfielder’s mitt from your youth and have it repadded, cleaned, and totally reconditioned for between $30 and $90. Fleet works on the mitts with the aid of an industrial-sized 1914 Singer sewing machine that was new when Babe Ruth was a rookie. While you’re there you can gaze at walls festooned with rare and vintage baseball gloves. Just hanging out at this place on a winter’s day can rekindle the National Pastime flame for any fan going through baseball withdrawal. 8201-A Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. 795-3895.–B.E.

Best Place to Zone Out While Contemplating the Passage of Time

Ticktock, ticktock. For almost 25 year’s, Simoni’s Clock Shoppe, on the boulevard in downtown Petaluma, has been quietly servicing timepieces of all kinds, shapes, and sizes (well, not too quietly; there are all those clocks inside, chiming and timing away). For many of those years, the Simoni family tried to gain permission to erect a giant clock above the shop, to no avail; the city refused. About six years ago, however, a compromise was settled upon, and the shop installed four smaller, battery-operated clocks just above the door on the exterior wall, calibrated to reflect the time zones in New York, Denver, Chicago, and (of course) Petaluma. Eye-catching without being obtrusive, the quadruplet of clocks is as charming as the interior, a veritable museum of clocks. If you’ve never noticed the place (it is kind of small), it’s, um, high time you did. 171 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. 763-9300.–D.T.

Best Famous Local Dog

Sonoma County has had its share of famous dogs. There was Rocky, the heroic Petaluma police dog, beloved by children throughout the county, who died three years ago and is memorialized in Petaluma’s dog park. For years, a dog named Barndor was the companion of homeless activist and inventor Roger Montgomery, who conspicuously rode around the county with Barndor perched on a platform in front of his bike. When Barndor sadly passed away last year, his memorial service was well attended by people from the local homeless and business communities. Of the county’s dogs who are still with us, however, perhaps the most remarkable is Ron Salisbury’s dog Post, so named because the dog is completely deaf–as in deaf as a post. Post, in fact, is the very same deaf dog for whom the popular Deaf Dog Coffee empire was named. Salisbury, who started the Deaf Dog cafe chain seven years ago, was smart to name his burgeoning operation after so photogenic and charming a critter. By now, Post’s picture has appeared on thousands of coffee cups, T-shirts, baseball hats, signs, and billboards around the county. As they say, “It’s a dog’s world.” We say woof to that.–D.T.

Best Shop Cats

From Cloverdale to Agua Caliente, the county is more or less rife with cats that have taken up residence within some storefront emporium or other business. Downtown Petaluma has two notable shop cats: first, there’s Kibby, the former alley cat that adopted Linda Hamm, mainly by staking a place outside Hamm’s Early Work Learning Tools on Kentucky Street. Since becoming an official resident of the store, Kibby has become the shop’s official greeter. Kibby’s favorite hobby is knocking Beanie Babies off of the shelves. Just down the street, in Reade Moore Books, a friendly nap-addicted longhair named Lilly has for years been the store’s leading draw among the younger set. Kids love to sit beside Lilly on one of the store’s many comfy chairs and say hello with a good friendly pat. Lilly wouldn’t have it any other way. Early Works, 141 Kentucky St.; Reade Moore Books, 1 Fourth St., Petaluma.–D.T.

Best Giant Ongoing Local Garage Sale

Everyone’s been to a Salvation Army thrift store, right? Of course. But the average S.A. store is nothing compared to the jaw-dropping spread of merchandise that can be bought for a song at the site of the S.A.’s Adult Rehabilitation Center. This is where the trucks first bring all those donations left at the county’s numerous drop-off points. With three on-site thrift stores, including one devoted to collectibles and antiques, and a massive yard full of couches and tables and skis and exercise equipment and sleds and tents and what-have-you, plus an enormous “as-is” lot, with used appliances from big-screen TVs to washing machines, this is surely the largest seven-day-a-week garage sale in the North Bay. 200 Lytton Springs Road, Healdsburg. 433-3334.–D.T.

Best Local Road Sign

At 3495 Dry Creek Road in Healdsburg, in the gorgeous midst of the town’s rolling vineyards, there suddenly appears this hand-painted road sign: “Dry Creek General Store, population 4, elevation 14 feet, welcome’s you to God’s country: Please don’t drive like Hell on your way through.”–D.T.

Best Off-the-Wall Point of Historical Interest

As one weaves and bobs along Healdsburg’s Rio Lindo Drive, a quaint, bright-yellow house appears, with a large historical marker planted in front, near another sign declaring, “No Trespassing.” Over the years, numerous motorists have stopped to ponder the sign, often making so bold as to have their pictures taken alongside it. Healdsburg Museum historians are just as stumped by its significance. The sign reads: “Al Anderson’s ‘No Pressure Inn’ Est. 1939. This site, founded by ‘Big A,’ was the gathering spot of local scoundrels, ne’er-do-wells, imbibers of liquor and other unmentionables–and it still is.” –D.T.

Best Puns in Hair Salon Names

What is it about beauty parlors that tends to inspire such audacious and flamboyant punsterism? Frankly, we don’t care why. We just like. Here, then, David Letterman style, are our Top 10 favorite names of Sonoma County hair salons.–D.T.

10. Mane Event (Sebastopol)

9. The Cutting Edge (Sebastopol)

8. Sheer Genius (Healdsburg)

7. Hair We Are (Rohnert Park)

6. Hairistocrat & Co. (Santa Rosa)

5. Lions and Tigers and Hair (Petaluma)

4. A Permanent Solution (Sebastopol)

3. Hair Razors (Petaluma)

2. Eclips (Petaluma)

1. Bushwackers (Forestville)

Best Puns in Nail-Salon Names

Haircutters, it seems, aren’t the only ones with a good sense of humor. A number of local manicurists seem to have a pretty good grasp of the punster’s art as well. Here are our choices for the top five best local nail-salon names.–D.T.

5. Fingerpaints (Santa Rosa)

4. First Hand (Petaluma)

3. At Your Fingertips (Santa Rosa)

2. Queen of the Nail (Santa Rosa)

1. Get Nailed by Tiffany (Santa Rosa)

Best Puns in Church Names

Sonrise Christian Church (Windsor)

Sorry, there’s only one. When it comes to naming their churches, Christians seem to have no discernible sense of humor. We are pleased to report, however, that one Southern California church has offered an exercise class for Christians titled Firm Believers. We pray the trend moves northward soon.–D.T.

Best Place to Study Up on Anything Medical

There’s an old stupid saying that goes, “What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” The good folks at the Petaluma Health Care District have a better saying. Roughly paraphrased, it goes, “What you don’t know could kill you, or at least make you worry a lot.” Thus was the Redwood Health Library created. The neat, efficiently organized library is a medical researcher’s dream. Designed for regular people who want as much information as possible about any particular malady or health issue, this unique resource library was established four years ago–and has seen a steady stream of business. The library contains books, medical texts, health newsletters, medical journals, clipping files, audio/video cassettes, computerized national health databases, and a CD-ROM database. It’s open to the public, and fee-based memberships are available as well, giving you access to advanced research services. Here’s to your health! 314 Western St., Petaluma. 778-9114.–D.T.

Best Place to Score Your Dream Wheels

MAYBE YOU’VE GAZED longingly at the Showcase of Motor Cars from your innocuous minivan as you drove by in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Set enticingly at the junction of Highway 101 North and Old Redwood Highway, the place has the allure of lost youth: an oasis of automotive fantasy. For here is a showroom and parking lot filled with over 100 vintage cars and trucks. The selection can satisfy even the most jaded of car nuts. Owner John Mohar has been fulfilling the four-wheel fantasies of people all over the nation for the last 13 years. Mohar says the general public is now buying classic Mustangs and Chevies for everyday driving. With the high cost of new cars, a restored vehicle from the ’50s or ’60s can be a real bargain. Not to mention the sheer pleasure of recapturing your youth in a muscle car from your high school days. Hey, you know you want that GTO. Why not pop the clutch on your car lust and burn rubber into your golden years? 5101 Montero Way, Petaluma. 795-4000.–B.E.

Best Fundamentalist Christian Retreat Ready for a Pagan Invasion

About four miles from downtown Sebastopol, hidden among the towering redwoods, lies Mt. Gilead Bible Conference, a sprawling complex of rustic cabins and classrooms that is often used as a retreat by various church groups. There’s a sweet little chapel on the premises. Signs with Bible verses and cute admonitions about godliness pepper the grounds. There’s a pool, a basketball court, a horseshoe pit. There are wonderful hiking trails (if you walk far enough, the Bible signs eventually stop). One can’t help but think that with the wondrous sense of solitude, this would make a great Buddhist retreat. And the overpowering beauty of the natural surroundings is flat-out perfect for pagan nature worship. Fortunately, the place is rentable for schools and other organizations. 13485 Green Mountain Road, Sebastopol. 823-4508.–D.T.

Best Bumper Stickers

Recently spied on the rear ends of local automobiles, these blatantly forthright, and somewhat offbeat, bumper stickers serve as a representative sampling of the wildly varied views and ‘tudes of the citizens of Sonoma County: “Argue Often.” “Do Not Wash: This Vehicle Is Undergoing a Scientific Dirt Test.” “Please Be Patient, the Goddess Isn’t Finished with Me Yet.” “Mean People Suck.” “Pleasure Heals” (for Sebastopol’s Sensuality Shoppe). “Another Dopeless Hope Fiend.” “Suck Mean People.” “Lost Your Cat? Look under My Tires!” “Are You a Cannibal If You Think You’re Eating Beef?” “Dog Is My Co-Pilot.” –D.T

Best Reason to Support Chain Stores

Fans of homey downtowns bemoan the exodus of mom-and-pop businesses as the world gets Starbucked wall-to-wall. It’s a crying shame. Then again, consider one recent midweek excursion to downtown Santa Rosa to see the 10 p.m. show of Galaxy Quest at United Artists on Third Street. Sorry, no late show, the projector’s broken. No problem, we’ll only miss 10 minutes of The Talented Mr. Ripley if we zoom over to UA on Mendocino Avenue. Whaddya know, seems that projector’s on the blink as well. OK, well, how about some home entertainment from Video Droid on Mendocino? Oops, store’s closed. Up the street to Blockbuster, the dreaded behemoth box store. The lights are bright and there are movies galore. To pump some life into its heart, maybe Santa Rosa should ask Costco to move a few blocks north.–J.W.

Best Place to Unload Your Y2K Stash

Be honest. When the turn of the century didn’t bring the curtains of doom down on our computer-riddled modern society, you weren’t just surprised. You were seriously depressed. For months you’d been stocking up, filling your basement with canned spinach and bottled water. All the while, you were laughing up your sleeve at those unprepared sods who’d be trampled under hoof when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse came riding down Main Street under a confettilike shower of money spewed out by bank machines driven mad by the Y2K virus. Then 12:01 rolled around, and you began to have second thoughts, especially when you realized that polishing off your canned-goods stash would mean eating mixed vegetables well into 2010. Buck up! Sure, the world didn’t end, but plenty of people have it rough anyway. Help ’em out by dropping your Y2K hoard off at the Redwood Empire Food Bank. 3320 Industrial Drive, Santa Rosa. 523-7900.–P.S.

Best Place to Buy Cookware That Makes You Look Good

NOTHING IS MORE TELLING on a first dinner date at home than a brand-new pot on the stove. It conveys a sort of gourmet-geek eagerness, no matter how impressive that quadruple-ply, platinum-handled saucepan. And it certainly raises doubts as to one’s qualifications as a cook: If it’s that clean, how often do you actually cook? To forestall that line of thinking, stock the kitchen of your bachelor pad with used cookware from Pots and Pans. Owners Steve and Emily Bokor get great cookware from good chefs and pass it on at prices that aren’t quite Goodwill, but are considerably lower than an equivalent batterie de cuisine at new, retail prices. For example, a good Calphalon 2 1/2-quart saucepan sells for $52 or less, compared to $85 new. Well-loved knives of excellent brands can be had from $10 to $75 (the latter, a Henckel’s professional series 10-inch chef’s knife, would cost close to $180 new). All-Clad doesn’t often make it to the shelves because people don’t like to give theirs up, says shop assistant Torch: “It’s like finding the Holy Grail.” But hey, desperate daters don’t need the Holy Grail, they just want to look as if they’ve been around the butcher’s block more than once. 107 Fourth St. (near Railroad Square), Santa Rosa. 566-7155.–M.W.

Best Place to Shop for Campaign Panties

Dear Supervisor Tim Smith: For months, we were mesmerized by the epic struggle you waged with your scrappy opponent, Noreen Evans, over your seat on the Sonoma County Board of Supervisors. In debates, Evans made much of the fact that money from your campaign fund was for some unusual purposes, including a $37.63 purchase at Victoria’s Secret. You explained that the campaign money was used to buy a harmless bottle of perfume at the famous underwear emporium, and we believe you. But we also have a suggestion. In the future, if a campaign does find itself in need of something soft and silky and a little bit saucy, forget Victoria’s Secret and head for our local Frederick’s of Hollywood, which offers an excellent deal on stars-and-stripes panties. After all, nobody ever lost a vote by wrapping himself in the red, white, and blue. 278 Coddingtown Mall, Santa Rosa. 528-8658.–P.S.

From the March 23-29, 2000 issue of the Sonoma County Independent.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

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