Merry Twistmas

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Once upon a time, way back in the summer of 2003, Bohemian contributor David Templeton and producer Dan Zastrow were having a conversation about a strange Christmas story that David had written.

“You know what would be cool?” David said. “Maybe someday finding some interesting people to gather onstage and read a bunch of twisted Christmas stories, and maybe do it as a benefit.” And Dan said, “You know, we really can do that.” And David said, “Really?” And Dan said, “Really!”

And in December of that year, the first ever Twisted Christmas Live! was unveiled.

Performers such as musician Charlie Musselwhite, bluesman Roy Rogers, comedian Johnny Steele, radio’s Steve Jaxon, actress Diane Amos (best known as the Pine-Sol lady in commercials) and dozens of others would regale local audiences over the years with the most twisted Christmas tales imaginable while supporting local food banks. Audiences, at first confused by musicians not playing music and comedians not telling jokes, soon took to the format and it became a sold-out event for years.

After their 2012 “End of the World Show,” Templeton and Zastrow decided to commit their time and energy to other projects, so the final curtain was drawn on Twisted Christmas Live! and Sonoma County Christmases were never the same again.

But like the Grinch returning presents to the Whos in Whoville, Templeton is bringing Twisted Christmas Live! back to the area, this time as a benefit for the Spreckels Theatre Company’s Performing Arts and Youth Theater Programs.

Some of the old crew will return, like comedians Will and Debi Durst and the Reduced Shakespeare Company’s Reed Martin. Newcomers include goth comedian Oliver Graves (America’s Got Talent) and veteran film, television and stage actor Charles Siebert, who spent two years playing Scrooge in 6th Street Playhouse’s Christmas Carol.

Audiences will see these and other performers presenting seven weird, funny, off-the-wall Christmas stories, including a rhyming version of Die Hard, a reading of “The Night Before Christmas” done as a bingo game, an original ghost story by Healdsburg’s Irène Hodes, plus a satirical musical tribute to the music of Disney’s Frozen, some outrageous short films by local filmmaker John Harden and an appearance by the North Bay Zombie Caroling Choir.

Templeton hopes people who want something a little different in their holiday entertainment will still come out. “It’s pretty much for everybody,” he says, “who likes to laugh and gasp and go, ‘Oooooh, I really wasn’t expecting that!'”

Life Saver

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Folk sensation Mary Gauthier is in the business of telling stories. Usually, they are her own, and for over 20 years, Gauthier has plumbed the depths of her soul with introspective and somber tunes about her struggles with childhood abandonment, drugs and other issues, sung with a forlorn Southern accent that regularly brings audiences to tears.

Now Gauthier is using her songwriting gifts to tell a different set of stories. Her 2018 album, Rifles & Rosary Beads, was co-written with U.S. military veterans and their families as part of SongwritingWith:Soldiers, a nonprofit program that facilitates retreats where professional songwriters and wounded veterans collaborate to create music.

“We bear witness and turn their stories into songs,” says Gauthier of SongwritingWith:Soldiers, which she has been active in for over four years.

“I reached a place where I realized these are really good songs, I think I should make a record,” she says. “I got the blessing of the organization to put these songs out in the world.”

Each of the 11 songs on Rifles & Rosary Beads delivers a gut-punch of emotion. Opening track “Soldiering On” juxtaposes a soldier’s mental state in battle and then later at home. “Bullet Holes in the Sky” uses images of color guards and tiny American flags waving in parades to expose a soldier’s loneliness in a society that cannot relate to his wartime service.

“A lot of our veterans feel invisible now; they feel unseen and they feel removed,” Gauthier says. “We call it the civilian-military divide. These songs help bridge that. It gets civilians into a place of empathy with what our veterans and their families are going through.”

About 22 veterans commit suicide every day in the United States. Gauthier hopes to shine a light on their struggles and help them heal.

“When you’ve been traumatized, as so many of our soldiers have been, what happened to you, there’s no words for,” she says. “But this is where music can come in and pick up the thread. I can play the melody and see the tears and know the melody is reflecting how they feel, and then you use metaphor to access what’s inside of them. The song becomes a reflection of their soul, and they suddenly don’t feel so alone. Somebody sees them, somebody understands.”

Wine Train Spotting

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If I hadn’t lost the long-hair look last year, I’d have got even more of a kick out of one of Trade Brewing’s few items of wall decor—that old sign that says, “Hippies use side door.”

I did, in fact, find my way to the side door from one of the backstreets of old Napa. It’s just one block off from new Napa.

Good thing, too, because I might have seen the closed sign and moved on if I’d parked by the front on busy First Street. Trade Brewing recently marked its first year open, but it’s new to me. I must have driven by a dozen times since then and missed it entirely. Sunk below street grade, wedged in a corner by the railroad tracks, Trade occupies a humble little dwelling that formerly housed a dry cleaner, and sat vacant, I’m told by the bartender, who waves me in cheerily to peruse the beer board while she sets up tables for the afternoon crowd.

The crowd is mostly locals, I’m also told, plus tourists on their way to the Oxbow Market, but none of them crowd in for the hour that I’m there. They’re missing out. Trade suds are crisp and on-style. Hatchet IPA is fruity, floral, blonde and dry; Pile Driver double IPA whispers, rather than rasps, about caramel malts and balanced hops; Ten Penny American brown ale is roasty enough with coffee aromas to almost wake me out of this beery reverie. A window-rattling toot from the Napa Valley Wine Train finishes that job.

There’s a rich, dry Irish–style stout called Eighty Acre, and a saison-style semi-sour, I believe called What the Funk, that has a boozy vibe despite being aged in Sauvignon Blanc barrels—all contract-brewed at Mare Island Brewing Co. Should the low-key concept work out, a true brew pub at another location may be considered by the owners, who also run the popular Jax Diner down the street.

Pints are $6.47, and a sample of five, five-ounce pours is a reasonable $12, presented on a heavy wooden tray. As of press time, Trade appears to be one of the few roasted shishito-free zones available to North Bay brew fans, so hurry up and grab some Goldfish crackers for free, or order a fairly straightforward (needs more sauerkraut, if there was sauerkraut) but fairly tasty New Yorker ($12), a Reuben-style panini served with a side of potato chips. There’s artisan charcuterie and cheese, and, yes, green salads, too—you know, hippie food.

Trade Brewing, 731 First St. Napa. Weekdays, 2–9pm; weekends, noon–9pm (last call, 8:45pm). 707.492.8223.

Nov. 23: Green Friday in Kenwood

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Families and nature lovers have the chance to escape Black Friday, the year’s biggest and most stressful shopping day of the year, by taking to the hills at Sugarloaf Ridge State Park with a full “Green Friday” schedule of activities. The morning starts with a docent-led family hike at 10am that offers insights into the park’s abundance of wildlife. The afternoon also includes a yoga hike at 3pm, and up at the top of the ridge, the Robert Ferguson Observatory holds its monthly Solar Viewing at 11am and Star Party at 8pm. Weather permitting. Friday, Nov. 23, 2605 Adobe Canyon Road, Kenwood. Prices vary. 707.833.5712.

Nov.23-24: Culinary Christmas in Napa

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Eat, drink and be merry as you do your shopping this season at the Holiday Marketplace at CIA Copia. Napa’s newest epicenter for fine food and wine, the Culinary Institute of America’s downtown campus will open its doors for the public to peruse artisan foods from local vendors, including K+M Chocolates, Anna’s Danish Cookies and La Saison, as well as artwork such as pottery from Amanda Wright, jewelry from Nicole Apostoli, and woven baskets and other textiles from Kathleen Heafey. Friday and Saturday, Nov. 23–24, 500 First St., Napa. 11am to 5pm both days. Free admission. 707.967.2500.

Nov. 23: Art of Gifting in Healdsburg

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You don’t have to suffer at big-box stores to complete your holiday gifting this season; instead, make sure your loved ones get handcrafted, one-of-a-kind pieces of art and other goodies that can be found at the 17th annual Holiday Gift Gallery at the Healdsburg Center for the Arts. Dozens of regional artists participate in the gallery show, offering gift-appropriate works ranging from paintings, photography, ceramics, glass, wood and other textiles. Opening in conjunction with the Healdsburg Downtown Holiday Party, the HCA’s Gift Gallery opens with a reception on Friday, Nov. 23, at 130 Plaza St., Healdsburg. 5pm. Free. 707.431.1970.

Nov. 27: Manhood Revisited in Petaluma

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Journalist and author Michael Levitin has a knack for taking on contemporary issues with an approach that turns heads and opens minds. In 2011, when Occupy Wall Street began in New York City, Levitin co-founded the underground publication The Occupied Wall Street Journal, which helped legitimize the movement. Now, Levitin has taken a stance on this year’s national conversations about masculinity, feminism, generational conflicts and even anti-Semitism in his debut novel, Disposable Man. The Forestville native, now living in Berkeley, reads from the book on Tuesday, Nov. 27, at Aqus Cafe, 189 H St., Petaluma. 7pm. 707.778.6060.

Window on a World

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I‌ had a friend once whose sister really thought that “window-shopping” was when you went shopping for windows. Window-shopping can, of course, mean you’re shopping for windows, but usually not. This is the sort of confusion that can ensue when your retail norm is dominated by enclosed suburban malls instead of street-fronting downtowns like that of the rugged and rich town of St. Helena.

I’m here today window-shopping and checking the commercial hub along Main Street, which centers a town whose boundaries are roughly the massive Beringer Vineyards estate and the Culinary Institute of America at Greystone outpost to the north—and the big shining metal rabbit at Hall Wines to the south, where St. Helena gives way to Rutherford and the epic sprawl of the greater Napa Valley.

Betwixt and between those icons is a bustling and pretty luxe-oriented downtown where all I can pretty much afford to do is wander around with my dog, checking stuff out for another day and appreciating the holiday vibe that’s taken over the town.

I note a stuffed peacock in one window and hover a minute at Steves Housewares, in business since 1878 and going strong with the full array of home product.

The president is in the state this week, and I wonder aloud: Do they sell rakes here? I need a rake. The president says all I need is a rake, and all this fire business will be a thing of the past. Just rake up that forest, like they do in Finland. And don’t you know it but Steve’s carries rakes! The store also got a recent shout-out from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop, for its kitchen products.

Also worth a drop-in is the next-door New West Knifeworks, an emporium of high-end cutlery. I’m mesmerized by shiny things, and the knives at home are getting a little old. “If you’re wondering what to get me for Christmas,” I tell the dog, “that Iron High Polish Damascus six-piece knife set is exactly what I need, and at $4,274, we’ll both be eating dog food for much of 2019.”

The dog is always up for checking out some new sniff territory. We’re led to Fideaux, where a turkey treat is met with great pleasure, and the dog politely noses tubs filled with snacks. We have to leave Fideaux at once, given my propensity for blowing paycheck after paycheck on dog treats and toys. Another time, dog.

I was kind of taken aback at the sheer volume of wine-industrial machinery that whips through town along Main Street; it gives away the game that we’re in an industrial zone here, and the industry is grape. I counted numerous potable water tanks and big wooden wine casks and backhoes rumbling up and down Main Street—where one of the more interesting outdoor motorized sights are the airplane-mobiles out in front of the Harley Davidson rent-a-bike place, Neiman’s Motorcycle Rentals. There’s an old VW Bug that’s painted with a Germanic Iron Cross and which is powered by an old airplane engine.

Hands down, the most alluring of all windows along Main Street are the two storefronts of Ottoman Art; one shop sells lovely rugs, the other is a brightly lit shop with all sorts of lamps and Ottomanian treasures. I can barely afford to look at the rugs, but the brightly lit façade next door is now surrounded with shopping outposts tricked in the holiday guise. It’s all coming together now.

We came into town via the wistful St. Helena Road, from the west, an enjoyable drive characterized by numerous vineyards, lots of redwoods, a few hair-pin turns and a smattering of ‘Wine Sucks’ signs. Departing St. Helena in the late afternoon, I opted to take the southern route home, and left Main Street behind. Before long, we came upon that big metal rabbit (Dean & DeLuca is located here too).

I stopped the car and got out to marvel at the rabbit. As the sun set over the rabbit and the hills to the west, the sky was the color of burnt orange; the smoke has settled into the Valley from the Camp fire, and it’s quite nasty.

It’s Apocalypse Now! meets Sideways, with elements of The Road thrown in for good measure—not to mention Watership Down, in honor of the rabbit, and water.

As we make our way home, I recite some of the history of St. Helena to the dog, who is indifferent to my interest in this star-studded redoubt of literary giants. The food writer M. F .K. Fisher lived in town for about 15 years before moving to Glen Ellen—but what does he care. I’ve got some other numbers and factoids too. According to the 2010 census count, there are about 5,000 residents of St. Helena, a town with a low crime rate overall. But according to police data, there was a big spike in auto thefts in 2016, when 14 vehicles were stolen. “This is why I didn’t leave you in the car,” I tell the dog, who is ungrateful.

It’s also hard to sniff past the fact that the post-crush Napa Valley smells like sour grapes—the smell tickles the nostrils as it mingles with the smoke, and the dog’s had enough of this; he’s buried his head and over-sensitive schnoz in a blanket for the ride home.

“No, but look,” I say to him, “there’s a lot of interesting politics here, too.” St. Helena was one of the Napa towns that battled over last year’s Measure C, which sought to limit vineyard growth in the hills and failed at the hand of the Big Grape overlords, who are nice people, but still. “This part of the world is ground zero for the argument about ‘peak wine’—don’t you get it, dog?”

One Measure C supporter was former St. Helena council member Geoff Ellsworth, who ran for mayor this year and won as part of a county-wide slate of progressive candidates motivated by the defeat of Measure C.

Outgoing Mayor Alan Galbraith only conceded defeat this week. Earlier in our St. Helena day we were walking along the tracks of the Napa Valley Wine Train that cuts through town, and spotted a lonesome-looking “Ellsworth for Mayor” sign placed along the tracks.

At the sight of the sign, the dog began the ritualistic lifting of leg. “Hey, cut that out! This is a classy town, dog!”

Story of Heroism

Over 50 years ago, in an issue of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s famous run of Fantastic Four, a masked villain known as the Hate-Monger stirs up unrest and increases his own popularity by vilifying immigrants, calling for their mass deportation. Since this is a superhero comic, the Hate-Monger naturally ends up trying to take over the world (he turns out to be Hitler!), giving the FF the chance to give an arch-criminal the kind of satisfying beat-down that rarely, if ever, happens in real life.

This idea of a man scapegoating a whole race of people for the sake of increasing his power still resonates today, of course—perhaps even more strongly than before. For Stan Lee’s volume of work, this is nothing special.

Lee, who passed away on Nov. 12 at the age of 95, not only leaves behind a long list of accomplishments that includes co-creating some of the biggest fictional characters in pop culture and helping to revitalize a genre that is now the dominant force in Hollywood, but he also leaves a legacy of calling for tolerance and respect for all fellow men. Besides collaborating in the creation of one of the first black superheroes, the Black Panther, Lee also regularly vented his views on various subjects on the letters page, known as “Stan’s Soapbox.”

In 1968, around the time of the Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy assassinations, Lee wrote that “racism and bigotry are among the biggest social ills plaguing the world today,” adding, “Sooner or later, if man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our hearts with tolerance.” He reposted this message on Twitter last year, after a resurgent white-nationalist movement sparked more violence.

Fans and well-wishers have been posting Lee quotes on Twitter since his death, in recognition of his life’s work. Not all comments have been positive, of course—see Islamaphobe Bill Maher’s dismissal of Lee’s influence and disparagement of comic books as a children’s medium that makes us all dumber.

Lee may have retired decades before his death, and it’s up for debate how much of his work on characters such as Spider-Man and the X-Men were really his, but he gave a voice to characters who have resonated for over half a century and are beloved by millions across the world. “The world may change and evolve,” he said in a video to his fans last year, “but the one thing that will never change is the way we tell our stories of heroism.”

Alex T. Randolph is an intern for the ‘Bohemian’ and ‘Pacific Sun’ by day, and a winged crusader for justice by night.

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the ‘Bohemian.’ We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 350 words considered for publication, write op*****@******an.com.

Letters to the Editor: November 21, 2018

What Is My Problem?

Well, I could not have said it better than Russ Young did (Letters, Nov. 14). I live in Novato, and I drive a lot up to Petaluma and over to Sonoma each week, and I make every effort to obey the speed limits and rules of the road. However, what this seems to do is aggravate many of the other drivers out there. I seem to be always dealing with tailgaters, and they always look at me as they pass on the right like, “What is your problem, stupid?” I guess I am, but it has become a real problem for me. Where is the California Highway Patrol these days? Think of the money it would bring in for them! I don’t have a good suggestion as to how to monitor this problem and survive, and I’m not sure if Russ’ idea is the answer. Anyone got a good thought?

Novato

Privileged Drivers

Let us hope that Mr. Russ Young’s skillfully presented overview of the nightmares of driving in the modern day was not overlooked. My claim is that the worst drivers in America are from California; the worst drivers in California are from the Bay Area; and the worst drivers in the Bay Area are from Marin.

I work retail and observe acts of driving stupidity every day in the parking lot of our shopping center, as well as out on the East San Rafael Speedway—also known as Third Street. It is apparent that, among the privileged, the privilege of driving well and with consideration is taken strictly for granted.

Sebastopol

The Fire
Next Time

Weeks after the anniversary of our own tragic fire, California is in flames again, while rebuilding in Fountaingrove continues at a record pace. We’ve had a year to find those responsible for that fire, name names, hold them accountable and make changes to prevent a recurrence. None of that has happened.

The Fountaingrove area burned twice before last year’s disaster. It’s a well-known tinder box, placed off limits in the general plan. Somehow, assorted supervisors, council members, mayors and other politicians ignored the rules. Knowing the history and the risks, they still allowed those multimillion dollar mansions to be built. Complicit were developers, real estate agents and insurers who got rich off that development. Did they make full disclosure to the future victims that the area would burn again?

PG&E shares the blame, but we still need to ask, how did this happen, who signed off on it, and why? Why are the same types of homes being rebuilt using the same materials? Why are no regulations in place to minimize the damage from future fires? These are questions I’ve yet to see any public official or journalist raise. And I think I know why. There’s a lot of vested interest in that real estate, and a number of the elites who allowed those neighborhoods to be built now live there themselves. But not having the answers to these questions puts all of us at risk. Because next time, it may not stop there. Just ask the folks in Coffey Park.

Sebastopol

Write to us at le*****@******an.com.

Merry Twistmas

Once upon a time, way back in the summer of 2003, Bohemian contributor David Templeton and producer Dan Zastrow were having a conversation about a strange Christmas story that David had written. "You know what would be cool?" David said. "Maybe someday finding some interesting people to gather onstage and read a bunch of twisted Christmas stories, and maybe do...

Life Saver

Folk sensation Mary Gauthier is in the business of telling stories. Usually, they are her own, and for over 20 years, Gauthier has plumbed the depths of her soul with introspective and somber tunes about her struggles with childhood abandonment, drugs and other issues, sung with a forlorn Southern accent that regularly brings audiences to tears. Now Gauthier is using...

Wine Train Spotting

If I hadn't lost the long-hair look last year, I'd have got even more of a kick out of one of Trade Brewing's few items of wall decor—that old sign that says, "Hippies use side door." I did, in fact, find my way to the side door from one of the backstreets of old Napa. It's just one block off...

Nov. 23: Green Friday in Kenwood

Families and nature lovers have the chance to escape Black Friday, the year’s biggest and most stressful shopping day of the year, by taking to the hills at Sugarloaf Ridge State Park with a full “Green Friday” schedule of activities. The morning starts with a docent-led family hike at 10am that offers insights into the park’s abundance of wildlife....

Nov.23-24: Culinary Christmas in Napa

Eat, drink and be merry as you do your shopping this season at the Holiday Marketplace at CIA Copia. Napa’s newest epicenter for fine food and wine, the Culinary Institute of America’s downtown campus will open its doors for the public to peruse artisan foods from local vendors, including K+M Chocolates, Anna’s Danish Cookies and La Saison, as well...

Nov. 23: Art of Gifting in Healdsburg

You don’t have to suffer at big-box stores to complete your holiday gifting this season; instead, make sure your loved ones get handcrafted, one-of-a-kind pieces of art and other goodies that can be found at the 17th annual Holiday Gift Gallery at the Healdsburg Center for the Arts. Dozens of regional artists participate in the gallery show, offering gift-appropriate...

Nov. 27: Manhood Revisited in Petaluma

Journalist and author Michael Levitin has a knack for taking on contemporary issues with an approach that turns heads and opens minds. In 2011, when Occupy Wall Street began in New York City, Levitin co-founded the underground publication The Occupied Wall Street Journal, which helped legitimize the movement. Now, Levitin has taken a stance on this year’s...

Window on a World

I‌ had a friend once whose sister really thought that "window-shopping" was when you went shopping for windows. Window-shopping can, of course, mean you're shopping for windows, but usually not. This is the sort of confusion that can ensue when your retail norm is dominated by enclosed suburban malls instead of street-fronting downtowns like that of the rugged and...

Story of Heroism

Over 50 years ago, in an issue of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby's famous run of Fantastic Four, a masked villain known as the Hate-Monger stirs up unrest and increases his own popularity by vilifying immigrants, calling for their mass deportation. Since this is a superhero comic, the Hate-Monger naturally ends up trying to take over the world (he...

Letters to the Editor: November 21, 2018

What Is My Problem? Well, I could not have said it better than Russ Young did (Letters, Nov. 14). I live in Novato, and I drive a lot up to Petaluma and over to Sonoma each week, and I make every effort to obey the speed limits and rules of the road. However, what this seems to do is aggravate...
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