Rock of Ages

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03.19.08

M iami-based metal sensation Black Tide offer the usual youth clichés—with the members ranging in age from 15 to 19, their current tour takes them into rock ‘n’ roll bars they can’t get into as fans, but their solid music and accomplished professionalism belong to bands 10 years their senior.

Yet there’s a greater irony for the young thrashers. After an appearance at the 2006 Florida Music Festival caught industry ears, they were invited to play the second stage at last summer’s Ozzfest, but were quickly dropped due to Jägermeister’s sponsorship of that stage. This underage no-no shifted to a chance to open shows on Ozzfest’s main stage. “Without Jägermeister,” bassist Zakk Sandler (above, far left) says in a recent phone interview with the Bohemian , “we might not be as big as we are today.”

Black Tide come to Santa Rosa to headline a show with local heavy rockers Sarcoma and Alleged Alibi on March 25. Since playing Ozzfest, Black Tide have been touring as a support act for such established metal bands as All That Remains, but as their tour shifts to such headlining gigs as this Santa Rosa show, they’re ready for grassroots connections. “A local audience is much more focused,” Sandler says. “They’re not as jaded, because they don’t get as many live shows.” Does Sandler look forward to these more intimate headlining gigs? He likes hearing people sing along to the band’s songs. “Chances are we’re going to have more fun in Tulsa, Oklahoma,” he says, “than in New York City or L.A.”

Black Tide’s debut album Light from Above , released on March 18, echoes a variety of classic ’80s power-thrash in the hook-oriented mode of Iron Maiden, Megadeth and Anthrax. The worthy hit single “Shockwave” has already been licensed to the acclaimed video game Rock Band. Sandler says the best aspect of the album is its eclecticism. Along with hits, there are, of course, longer, proglike tracks such as “Warriors of Time.” Variety is good. Sandler says, “I like the album being all over everywhere.”

Black Tide perform with local thrashers Sarcoma and Alleged Alibi at the Last Day Saloon on Tuesday, March 25. 120 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 8 pm. $10; 21 and over. 707.545.5876.


Bohemian Best of Kids 2008 Writer’s Picks

03.19.08

Best Place for Kids to Reenact Scenes from ‘Cars’

“Dad! Be a zombie! Be a zombie, Dad!” So was the shrill and joyous cry of several young children as they coached a parent through a game of zombie-themed chase-and-scream on a recent afternoon at Corte Madera Town Park . Dutifully zombified, the father ambled and shuffled toward whichever of the children was screaming and giggling the loudest, as the pack of them went running onto, under or over a variety of structures designed for just such a game. “Aaaarghhhh! ” said Zombie Dad. “Aaaarghhhh! I’m going to eat your braaaaaains, ” adding, “Danny, don’t go too high on the climbing wall!”

One of the playground’s notable features is the racetrack, a miniature two-lane road that runs around the edge of the play yard, replete with railroad crossing signs, traffic signal and yellow stripes. On such a road, kids can bring their pedal cars, Big Wheels and scooters, and race each other like Lightning McQueen and the Fabulous Hudson Hornet. The road makes a complete loop around a tiny wonderland of kid-friendly attractions, from the usual tire swings and tunnel slides and bouncy bridges and monkey bars to such newfangled inventions as a vertical xylophone, rubberized play floors with enormous round dots in bright colors and, of course, that climbing wall.

“This is a great playground,” proclaims a twenty-something man with a Giants cap and a bundled-up child whose name is apparently “Boo Boo.” “We live in San Rafael, but we come all the way to Corte Madera for this park. Boo Boo likes the wooden motorcycles.”Said motorcycles, located not far from the race track, are an evolutionary improvement over those old-fashioned metal animals on springs that many of us older folks grew up with. Also on springs, the motorcycles are brightly painted and clearly irresistible to small children and parents who nickname their kids after cartoon characters.

For some older parents, the coolest part might be the way the park mixes the new with the old. Here and there are iconic elements from playgrounds of the past: a large stone turtle with a quizzically blank face, the plastic lion drinking fountain, a cement dolphin designed for sliding back and forth on.

That turtle, especially, still maintains an immense power to charm, though when being chased by a brain-eating parent, one might want to hide elsewhere. That turtle, evidently, cannot stop the inexorable pursuit of Zombie Dad, or the laughs and tickles that will ensue when he finally finds you.

Corte Madera Town park is at the corner of Pixley and Redwood avenues, Corte Madera. —D.T.

Best Place to Stare at a Ceiling

Gold, aquas and magentas meld majestically in a dreamland of castles, frogs, princesses, moon-jumping cows, fiddle-playing cats and doomed eggs balanced precariously on stone walls. No, this is not a recall of college nights spent on your dorm room floor in a hallucinogenic coma. Decidedly more wholesome, a domed mural titled Celebrate the Joy of Reading has graced the ceiling of the children’s section of the Rohnert Park-Cotati Library since 2003. Brilliantly hand-painted by local architectural illustrator Robert Eisenberg, the mural is the perfect umbrella for children and parents as they gather for weekly story times. “It was such a cool thing to be able to do,” Eisenberg says. “Libraries are wonderful, and it’s great when communities put money towards improving them.” Eisenberg’s Los Angeles high school library had a large mural depicting a golden sun over the countryside, complete with a hidden four-leaf clover that only the luckiest were able to find. The sun mural inspired in him respect for the art, and he was thrilled to be able to bring his mural appreciation to Sonoma County. Using the 500-year-old traditional method employed by Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel, Eisenberg copied small-scale models onto large pieces of paper, made tiny holes along the lines of the drawings, then tapped along the little holes with bags of charcoal dust. Voila! An old-school version of “overhead projection” is born. Eisenberg then expertly painted over with acrylic paint, the mural painter’s first choice. Deciding on which images to incorporate was easy and largely based on stories Eisenberg loved as a child. “Growing up, literature was always important to me,” he says. “Once I started reading, the whole world was opened up.” Rohnert Park-Cotati Library, 6250 Lynne Conde Way, Rohnert Park. Wiggle Time (ages one to two), Tuesdays at 10:30am; preschool story time, (ages three to five), Wednesdays at 10:30am. Other story times and events vary by month, check www.sonomalibrary.org for details. 707.584.9121.—B.H.

Best Place to Study Newton’s Laws

A physical body will remain at rest, or continue to move at a constant velocity, unless an unbalanced net force acts upon it. Surrounded by 40 acres of apple trees, what better spot to study Newton’s Laws than at Sebastopol’s Twin Hills Apple Ranch. Imagine Sir Isaac sitting under a tree, hit on the noggin by a stray Gravenstein. A light goes on over his bruised head, and he conceives the laws of motion. The net force on a body is equal to its mass multiplied by its acceleration. Say a group of kids take a long, heart-pumping bike ride on the back roads outside town, ending up at the same ranch as Newton. Inside the funky wooden barn, they sell all forms of healthy products including fresh, dried, juiced, jellied and preserved apples; they bake them into pies, cookies and breads—everything a child could desire for a nutritious midday snack. But the 67-year-old ranch also sells illicit treats priced like 1967, and the kids’ choice is a tough one: red or black 5 cent licorice, 10 cent fireballs or a 25 cent lollipop? Or maybe they’ll really splurge and spend a whole dollar on the big chocolate bars or sour candy necklaces, the cheapest candy in town, stuffed down before their parents know what they’re up to. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction . . . Twin Hills Apple Ranch, 1689 Pleasant Hill Road, Sebastopol. 707.823.2815.—S.D.

Best kids’ path to rock stardom

The cute young musician throws back his hair, caresses the mic and screams ‘I’m on a highway to Hell!” while guitars screech and wail behind him. Sorry, boomers, AC/DC isn’t rehearsing for an upcoming reunion tour in this funky wooden warehouse; it’s just kids practicing at The Great Burro Studios.

Now in its fifth year, the studio run by Spencer Burrows and his wife Norah offers rock band and funk horn camps to students from 11 to 16, with the goal being to get a band up and running and performing publicly onstage. Burrows says, ‘The parents these days are from the generation that grew up with classic rock, maybe who don’t play music themselves, but see that there’s potential in their kids to play music that they like, rather than take the classical approach.”

The spacious studio sports multi-hued green and blue walls, a vivid red circular rug, and the ‘wall of fame,” a collage of photographs of band participants in action. Although all the usual instruments are available for play in the studio, including seven different brightly colored electric guitars, almost all students provide their own so they can drive their parents crazy practicing at home. When asked if he ever gets tired of hearing the same riff played repeatedly, Burrows laughs. ‘There are songs that I can’t stand when I hear them on the radio, but when the kids play them, it makes the song a lot more palatable.”

The week-long camps start off with the future rock stars choosing a repertoire and learning on-the-job what it takes to be a band, including the fun of choosing a name like Chainsaw Embrace or Walrus Hunt. After days of intense rehearsals, bands play for the public at such local venues as the Last Day Saloon, Chops and area festivals.

From there, ‘some bands have gone on to take the reins of their own group,” Burrows says. ‘It’s good for kids who have a lot of extra energy and play instruments to harness that energy and become a band. There are only two rules here. Number one: Respect. That’s a blanket for everything. And number two—have fun!”

The Great Burro Studios, 3598 Gravenstein Hwy. S, Ste. B, Sebastopol. 707.829.5668Private lessons also offered.—S.D.

Bohemian Best of Culture 2008 Writer’s Choice

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Best Big Three of comics

Most everyone loves comics and animation. With billions of voracious worldwide consumers, and legions of artists working to satisfy their demands, what chance that three of the 20th century’s most proficient, celebrated and successful animacomictoonists would have called a mere 20-mile stretch in the North Bay home?

You may never have heard of Calistoga’s Ben Sharpsteen, but you’ve no doubt seen his work. Walt Disney hired Sharpsteen in 1929 for more than twice the salary Disney paid himself at the time. Sharpsteen quickly rose through Disney’s organizational ranks. Ben Sharpsteen drew, directed, supervised and produced hundreds of Disney shorts, as well as full-length features like Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Alice in Wonderland, Pinocchio and every midnight stoner’s pick, Fantasia.

Charles Schulz‘s legacy stretches from his namesake airport to “Peanuts” characters’ statuary scattered throughout Santa Rosa, to his museum and research center, ice skating rink, library and information center at Sonoma State University—and now to SSU’s new music center, as well. “Peanuts” ran in over 2,600 papers for almost half a century all across the globe. It’s estimated that Schulz earned well over a billion dollars during his lifetime. And this from a guy who ate a snack-bar tuna sandwich, enjoying watching skaters race round and round, each and every lunch hour, seven days a week, for decades.

Finally we come to the incredible Mr. Ripley. Tim Burton was to direct Jim Carrey starring in a megabudget biopic about the unparalleled life of Santa Rosa native, cartoonist, adventurer, entrepreneur and popular anthropologist Robert Ripley, but it just didn’t happen. That Hollywood loses tens of millions on a flick going nowhere speaks volumes about its fascination with this screwball artist who’d travel anywhere to track down mondo-weirdness, then draw comics depicting what he’d discovered. Remember the curried fruit bats, motor-driven roller skates and the headless chicken who laid an egg? Or how about the many carpsicles falling from Germany’s sky or the woman dieting on dirt? Believe it or not, Ripley died from a heart attack while Taps played on the 13th episode of his very own TV show.—P.J.P.

Best Free Doughnuts from the 19th Century

Santa Rosa old-timers will no doubt remember Levin’s Hardware , a wooden-sidewalk, sliding-ladder kind of place located on the midtown stretch of Fourth Street, packed with tall aisles and every sort of little doodad you could imagine. The more sentimental will also recall how Levin’s was displaced in the mid-1970s by the unfortunate arrival of the Santa Rosa Plaza. Few may be aware, however, that Levin’s original facade and storefront were preserved, carefully loaded and moved on a flatbed truck to be reconstructed into what’s now the front section of Mission Ace Hardware on Highway 12. Levin’s towering 10-foot doors remain, along with the original cubby lofts and hardwood floor. And the best part? The folks at Mission Ace have kept up the tradition of offering free coffee and doughnuts on a rickety little table out front on weekend mornings. They’re usually gone by noon or so, just like they were at the old Levin’s all those years ago. Now, if the family who owns Mission Ace started tanning leather and manufacturing shoes, as did the forefather of Levin’s Hardware, Levin’s Tannery, that’d really be traveling back in time, Levin’s Tannery having been founded in the 1800s. Amazing that a piece of its legacy still remains at Mission Ace. 4310 Sonoma Hwy., Santa Rosa. 707.539.7070. —G.M.

It’s common knowledge: use an accordion, go to jail. Use an accordion and a banjo in the commission of a Depeche Mode cover, and you’re going away for a long time, sweetheart. So far, Amber Lee and the Anomalies have evaded justice. The outlaw band is still hitting area pubs and cafes, sometimes crossing state lines. Authorities have identified Amber Lee Baker, a redheaded Caucasian female, as the button-woman and self-styled songstress. “Anomalies” was believed to be something of a red herring, that there was just one anomaly, a svelte banjo-plucking brunette swaying as if in a narcotic trance; recently, the gang added a wisecracking fiddle player with a penchant for violins.

Sometime-accomplices include a drummer and bassist, but there’s no telling what’s in the black instrument case. A composite sketch of their set list reveals a pattern of keening ballads about lonely whalers’ wives, monsters and graveyards resembling slowed-down Decemberists songs were they wheezed from an accordion by a camp counselor gone cheerfully goth. Might be depressing, were it not for Amber Lee’s bright, tune-carrying voice and singular wholesomeness. An employee at one of the affected venues claims that they drove her out of her mind; others report that the perps easily charmed them and then stole their hearts. When they break out an amusingly dirgey rendition of “Waiting for the Night to Fall” from Depeche Mode’s Violater , few can resist handing over cash tips. Citizens, be vigilant.

Amber Lee and the Anomalies’ CD release party is May 10 at the Toad in the Hole Pub, 116 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 707.544.8623.—J.K.

Those who drive Highway 101 on a regular basis tend to ignore the weird spinning house that overlooks the freeway just north of the Ignacio exit in Novato. Actually, there are not one but two round houses, plus another that looks like a melted skateboard ramp. They are the work of Samuel Albert Harkleroad, who lived in these handmade houses from the late ’60s until 1993, when he died at the age of 83. A self-taught inventor from Fresno who built many one-of-a-kind houses across California, Harkleroad designed the largest of the round buildings so that it could spin slowly, keeping the sun shining in the living room every day as long as possible. The other round house, the one with the weird twirling thingamabobs on the roof, was his workshop, and those spinning things are repurposed barrels, designed to be the windmill on an intended self-powered building that, in the end, never generated more energy than could illuminate a single light bulb, and then not very brightly. The third building on the hill, the one with the oddly sloping roof that touched the ground on both ends, was Harkleroad’s home at the time he died, and from its windows he could see his other creations, and the highway that streamed past the place he called home for the last 30 years of his life. So think of the ingenious inventor Harkleroad the next time you drive past his home, and be glad you live in a place where crazy geniuses come to fulfill their dreams.—D.T.

A disembodied male voice floats up through the crowd of 500 colorfully dressed dancers. “Guys, introduce yourselves to your partners,” he commands, before launching into a dance lesson of rock steps and one-twos. All ears listen intently as Stephen Nordquist, the short, balding and impeccably dressed instructor gives directions at his eponymous dance school, teaching the night club two-step, foxtrot, swing, cha-cha and more.For 22 years, middle and high school students have converged on the Santa Rosa Veterans Memorial Hall for Nordquist’s , a series of dance classes designed to teach “social interaction skills and manners, such as seating your partner or helping her off with her coat, and formal dress,” says Denise Cimino, Nordquist’s daughter and assistant. The dress code is strictly enforced, the guys sporting suits and ties, hard-soled dress shoes and black socks. Girls are dazzling in knee-length, one-piece dresses (no backless or strapless, mind you), nylons, short heels and the requisite short white gloves.

Gloves? Well, they do serve a very helpful purpose, soaking up the perspiration from the multiple sweaty palms of the night. Visible tattoos, facial piercings or “extreme hair treatments” are strictly taboo at Nordquist’s, and any dress-code infraction, including white socks on the guys, results in sitting out the class. Girls must accept when asked to dance, despite the sometimes startling height differences.

Why such a formal code of dress and conduct? Cimino says, “Because there aren’t many rules in school anymore. We’ve had these rules since the beginning, in 1975. It helps with the kids’ behavior. It’s different, and they feel special.” Parents feel it’s well worth it when they can rumba with their offspring without stepping on toes.

Nordquist’s, 194 Brush Creek Road, Santa Rosa. Tuesday nights at the Santa Rosa Veterans Memorial Hall, October&–March. 24 dance classes, $250.00. 707.538.7618.—S.D.

The stage and sound designers for the Wells Fargo Center had every reason to be proud of themselves when Dolly Parton came to play the Sonoma County Fairgrounds on Valentine’s Day last year. The fairgrounds’ Grace Pavilion isn’t necessarily anyone’s idea of a romantic location, unless steel girders and visions of bomber planes really get your juices flowing. It’s also an especially challenging room for concerts, with sound quality ranging from the unbearable (Jerry Lee Lewis, 1987; Richard Marx, 1989; Bob Dylan, 1992) to the surprisingly fantastic (Bob Dylan, 2006; New Orleans Social Club, 2006; Common, 2007). Dolly Parton not only sounded great, but after four whole days of work, the hall was resplendently gussied up from head to toe in pink hues, with billowing fabric hung from the ceiling and pink mood lighting dancing along the walls. Pink hearts were projected around the room, and the stage was decked in red curtains with light-projected titles welcoming the country superstar. Even the 55-gallon-drum trash cans and steel barricades were wrapped in pink plastic. It was like stepping into a secret love room at Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory—and in fact, clusters of chocolate pink and red Kisses, along with special Dolly Parton valentines, were placed at each seat. Dolly Parton, herself in a pink dress, mentioned from the stage that she’d never performed on Valentine’s Day before. She’s not likely to forget it, thanks to the Wells Fargo Center’s total and unbelievable transformation of the warehouse-like eyesore. Sonoma County Fairgrounds, 1350 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa. 707.545.4200. www.sonomacountyfair.com. —G.M.

Petaluma’s Monarch Antique Liquidators , in the old bank building at a busy downtown intersection, has had a “Going Out of Business” banner hanging mournfully outside for at least a year, and here’s the funny part: that sign ain’t lying. The beautiful old building houses dozens of antique dealers, at least one of which is getting ready to quit at pretty much any time. While picking through the piles of oddball items from days past, you can make a game out of identifying which dealer is the one going out of business this month. But be warned: there are plenty of dealers on hand, selling treasures of all type and vintage, and by the time you find one who’s leaving, you will likely have found something you can’t leave without. Monarch Antique Liquidators, 199 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. 707.769.3092.—D.T.

It’s just what you’d expect from the land of cosmic hot tubs, proud liberality and stratospherically priced bungalows. Indeed, KWMR 90.5-FM community radio is everything you’d expect—and then some. As Marin County’s one and only broadcast station, it serves up hot, fat slices of both the sweet and the savory: fruity, nutty, meaty and cool creamy slices of radio pie. Musically, KWMR casts an eccentric/eclectic net over programming, ranging from the deep tracks of Bach and Bartók to space jazz, bluegrass, Tibetan Monk chants, old-timey rock ‘n’ roll and bowhead whale whistles, those subpop genres you’d expect every sophisticated Marin west-ender to bury between his or her well-fed ears.

KWMR has a paid staff of just four, an 18-watt low-power signal, lots of accomplished dedicated volunteers and a mission to western Marin County that extends to its role as the area’s sole broadcast emergency info provider.

Among the regular favorites is “Barrio Vibes,” broadcast at 8:10 each Friday morning and hosted by Point Reyes National Seashore ranger and part Mayan Indian, Augusto “Gus” Conde, your pick for Best Media Personality in Marin. “Barrio Vibes” is a bilingual talkfest-cum-music-show combining Spanish tunes of the Americas as well as English and other language songs from Conde’s personal collection. In addition to the music, Conde and his guests discuss issues facing the large and growing Spanish-speaking populace of western Marin.

Beyond the tunes and disasters, KWMR comes in with “West Marin Green Cuisine,” lit blasts, environmental updates and intrigues, historical sketches, Commonweal school conversations, nature explorations, kitsch, a show called “The Hippie from Olema” as well as programming for Sufis, deep-sea ocean-life divers, fine-art junkies and film nuts, while featuring audio scenes from interesting places like the Cockroach Hall of Fame, as well as interviews with the obscure, the notable and such famed guests as Noam Chomsky. KWMR calls itself “Homegrown Radio for West Marin,” which is to say that it’s not Manhattan, Montana or Mississippi.—P.J.P.

Along Highway 101 in San Rafael, there is a tire store that has for over 30 years displayed an enormous American flag like something from a Michael Bay movie, so big that it always seems to be waving in slow-motion, because it takes such a long time for the breeze to get from one end of Old Glory to the other. The store is Toscalito’s Marin Tire and Brake , owned by Ken Toscanini and Vince Ippolito (Tosca-Lito, get it?), and has been waving the gargantuan flag for more than 25 years, long enough for it to have become a beloved Marin County landmark. Not only is the flag a beautiful expression of faith in the ideals of America, it’s a great way to sell tires—because without that flag, no one would even know the place was there. Toscalito’s Marin Tire and Brake, 670 Irwin St., San Rafael. 415.456.2324. —D.T.

Throughout Lila Downs ‘ incredible performance at Yountville’s Lincoln Theater last year, the loudest and most enthusiastic shouts and whistles came not from the front rows but from the back of the hall—i.e., the cheap seats, inhabited largely by Napa’s grape workers. While the high-ticket front section smiled blankly at Downs’ Spanish-language announcements to the crowd, behind them repeatedly erupted the arribas and bravos of an adoring lower-income fan base, and anyone desiring a firsthand observation of the uncomfortable class chasm in wine country couldn’t do much better than sitting in the middle of it all. The Lincoln Theater, an elegant hall and host to the upper crust during Napa’s annual Festival Del Sole, is not known as a hotbed of cultural uprising. Alas, near the end of the show, the proverbial dam broke and the aisles flooded with hordes of cheap-seat dwellers making their way down to the front of the stage, where Downs accepted roses, kissed admirers and danced with small children. Before too long, the front-row patrons got up and joined in. Then the whole hall came down to the stage, forming a warm cluster from all walks of life, and for a dazzling moment in time, all was right and hopeful in the world. Lincoln Theater, 100 California Drive, Yountville. 707.944.1300. —G.M.

When longtime Cameo Cinema operator Charlotte Wagner announced she’d be stepping down last year, the fate of her beloved St. Helena movie house seemed uncertain. The good news is that new owners Shawn LaRue and Cathy Buck have stepped in, and this jewel of a theater hasn’t changed a bit, once again making it your pick for Best Movie Theater in Napa County. With candelabras on either side of a large curtained screen and just 140 cushioned wooden seats (the back row is given over to wider love seats for two), the Cameo Cinema’s atmosphere is at once classic and intimate.

It’s small enough to overhear on a recent visit, for example, that someone named Alexei has a hypochondriac girlfriend, or that another’s boyfriend is “like Governor Spitzer.” In the lobby, two girls dressed in black glued themselves to the concession stand, serenading the emo-styled clerk with their rendition of “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey (“Do you want something?” they asked politely, “‘Cause we’re, like, not really in line”), while a nearby woman praised the movie house for “having really, really good movies!” (That night’s fare? Spanish director Juan Antonio Bayona’s 2007 art-house scare-fest El Orfanto).

Built in 1915, the Cameo features an art nouveau façade with a vertical sign and V-shaped marquee; the brass balustrade in the lobby resembles those found in the Paris Metro. But in addition to its décor—gotta love the “Guys” and “Dolls” on the bathroom doors—the Cameo’s bookings are a culmination of every good idea that movie theaters have ever had.

Along with the first-run features, Saturday mornings are given over to family films like Dr. Doolittle and The Jungle Book; Wednesday nights feature art films like the just-wrapped Stanley Kubrick retrospective; Saturday nights occasionally host scary thrillers like Jaws.

The theater also heroically hosts young local bands at consistently well-attended after-hours shows starting at 11pm, providing teens a stage and a hangout rare among the scant opportunities to perform in the Napa Valley. And though most movie theaters’ admission prices are pushing $10, the Cameo’s tickets are still just a scant $8. What’s not to love?

Cameo Cinema, 1340 Main St., St. Helena. 707.963.9779.—G.M.

Napa’s Jesus Juarez , a pruner of grapevines at Moulds Family Vineyards in Napa, was recently awarded first prize at the seventh annual Napa Valley Grapegrowers Pruning Competition (why didn’t we see this on ESPN?), which took place at Beringer Blass Wine Estate’s Gamble Ranch in Yountville in February. Decked out with just a saw and some pruning shears, Juarez beat 51 other contestants, representing the best grape pruners in the valley. For his efforts, he won an ornamental belt buckle, $600 (which he said he would use for rent), a new set of shears and a brand-new saw. The contest is meant to reward accuracy over speed, though speed does count. Contestants begin with six vines and 100 points, and judges deduct points for every “mistake,” from leaving split and jagged surfaces to leaving unpicked clusters of grapes. There used to be a time when the Napa Valley winner went on to the statewide championship, but since Sonoma County stopped sponsoring the event a few years ago, and with no other county stepping up to take over, that competition has been discontinued. For Jesus, the belt buckle will have to be enough. Until next year.—D.T.

Who knows why Bob Dylan does the things he does? At this point, the man is his own enigma, and his wardrobe is pretty damn mysterious, too. So it was with a none-too-surprised eye that owner Suzanne McLennan of Disguise the Limit in Railroad Square last year noticed Dylan pawing through outfits at her long-running costume shop. “He had a knit cap kinda pulled down, covering his hair, and a big jacket,” McLennan reports, “and I could tell he wanted to be incognito.” McLennan, a fan, managed to keep her distance while Dylan shopped, but chatted with him a little bit about Rusty Evans and Greenwich Village while she rang him up. She recounts the encounter with understandable reverence: “I think he’s a wonderful poet,” she says, “and he’s written some great songs.” And just what does Bob Dylan pick out when he goes into a costume shop? McLennan says he bought a gangster suit and a zoot suit, but from all reports, he wore neither onstage at Konocti Harbor Resort later that night. What the hell? Disguise the Limit, 100 Fourth St., Santa Rosa, in Railroad Square. 707.575.1477. —G.M.

Considering he normally headlines concert and festival appearances around the world, it was big news last year when DJ Shadow announced he’d be spinning records in the aisles of Village Music for the entire final month of the Mill Valley record store’s amazing 50-year run. Staying at the store every day for all of September wasn’t a decision so much as it was a clarion call for the renowned hip-hop DJ—after all, he’d been buying records from owner John Goddard for 16 years. “I think the Internet is great and all that,” Shadow explained on the store’s last night in business, “but it really decimated the music industry. And I always just sort of feel like this dancing-on-the-grave sentiment that so many people have about record companies going out of business, I just don’t get it. Because to me, like, if you’re a fan of cars, if you’re in the business of designing cars, would you really be happy that Ford is going out of business?” No doubt Village Music’s closure was a blow to the community at large, but as the clock approached midnight and the cash register rang its final sales, the store’s number one customer reconciled himself to a world without Village Music’s vinyl-rich aisles. “The bottom line is John’s retiring,” Shadow said. “He’s put in 50 years of providing. What are we gonna do—’No, John, give us another five’? He’s done it for 50! So I’m at peace with it. He had a great run. Let’s celebrate that.”—G.M.

There are “shadow people” all over Sonoma, silhouettes of people walking, playing, loitering or pushing shopping carts. The best and most playful of these paintings—though also serving as a bad example to danger-seeking youth—is the gleefully unexpected painting of a young silhouetted woman , created so that she appears to be sitting way up high on the roof of a former coffeehouse, gazing at the colorful mural splattered across the side of the Index-Tribune building at 117 W. Napa St. in downtown Sonoma. One has to wonder, if the shadow person falls, wouldn’t it be a spectacular splayed-out crumpled shadow on the sidewalk? Think of it as a lesson to everyone not to climb buildings—whether it’s to get close up to art or not.—D.T.

While we hate that Joe Montana has now moved from the North Bay in order to be closer to his son’s football-famous De La Salle High School, a heartwarming report recently surfaced from a source wishing to remain anonymous. Apparently Montana, the NFL star turned winemaker, was stuffing an encouraging note into daughter Elizabeth’s luggage on the eve of her departure to college when he was shocked to find that she’d taken a bottle of wine from his expansive cellar to take to school. This might be distressing for any parent, but it wasn’t the thievery that upset Montana. The bottle in question was worth over $5,000. Taking stock of the sticky situation, and knowing that Elizabeth couldn’t possibly tell the difference, Montana coolly replaced it with a $20 bottle, didn’t say anything about it to his daughter or her mom, and packed off his college-bound daughter to school the next day. We hear he wins Super Bowls, too.—G.M.

Featured in annoying magazines like The Robb Report, Vacation Homes, Millionaire, Cigar Aficionado and Luxury Living (not to mention more down-to-earth publications like Billboard and MIX Magazine ), the Sonoma Mountain Studio Estate was opened in 2004 and immediately became a destination for musicians and recording folks from around the world. Located in the hills above Penngrove, the ultra-luxurious, five-building, nine-acre gated compound—which was built to exactly resemble a 1760s Colonial “saltbox” home typical to Connecticut—was designed as an exclusive studio retreat for the world’s best recording artists. The studio itself is a $4.5 million state-of-the-art professional recording oasis often used instead to host weddings, birthday parties and other highfalutin’ events, providing the host of said event is willing to drop the prettiest of pennies for the honor. Considered one of the top recording studios in the country, the studio’s interior is gorgeous, featuring stunning handcrafted wood work and acoustically engineered sound proofing—it’s even got its own wide array of musical instruments to be used by visitors. Concierge service, a private yacht, your own chef? Natch. www.studioestate.com. —D.T.


Bohemian Best of 2008 Romance Reader’s Choice

03.19.08
Best Chocolatier

Marin

Powell’s Sweet Shoppe

879 Grant Ave., Novato. 415.898.6160.

Napa

Anette’s Chocolate Factory

1321 First St., Napa. 707.252.4228.

Sonoma

La Dolce V Fine Chocolates

110 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.829.2178.

Honorable Mention

Sweet Memory Chocolates

305 Center St., Healdsburg. 707.433.5351.

Best Flower Shop

Marin

Bloomworks

200 Bon Air Center, Greenbrae. 415.464.8166.

518 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.453.2478.

Napa

BJ’s Petal Pushers

1620 Main St., Napa. 800.944.9523.

Sonoma

Stems

864 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 707.546.7522.

Honorable Mention

County Daisy Florist & Gifts

423 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg. 707.433.6318.

Best Lingerie Shop

Marin

Pleasures of the Heart

1310 Fourth St., San Rafael. 415.482.9899.

Napa

Bellezza

1228 Main St., St. Helena. 707.967.5537.

Sonoma

Sensuality Shoppe

2371 Gravenstein Hwy. S., Sebastopol. 707.829.3999.

Honorable Mention

Chanelle et Moi Lingerie

9054 Windsor Road, Windsor. 707.836.1030.

Best Erotica Store

Marin

Pleasures of the Heart

1310 Fourth St., San Rafael. 415.482.9899.

Napa

Pleasures Unlimited

1416 Second St., Napa. 707.226.2666.

Sonoma

Sensuality Shoppe

2371 Gravenstein Hwy. S., Sebastopol. 707.829.3999.

Honorable Mention

Spice Sensuality Boutique

6597 Commerce Blvd., Rohnert Park. 707.588.0525.

Best Place for Singles to Meet

Marin

Finnegan’s Marin

877 Grant Ave., Novato. 415.899.1516.

Napa

Bounty Hunter

975 First St., Napa. 707.255.0622.

Sonoma

Upper Fourth

96 Old Courthouse Square, Santa Rosa. 707.573.0522.

Honorable Mention

Vertex Climbing Center

3358-A Coffey Lane, Santa Rosa. 707.573.1608.

Spice: thanks for coming!

It’s show and tell day in Dr. Deborah Kindy’s Human Sexuality class, featuring a guest speaker from the Spice Sensuality Boutique , your honorable mention pick for Best Erotica Store in Sonoma County. Some 70 SSU students cram together for a literally hands-on education on sex toys. All eyes instantly focus on the buxom, young, dreadlocked woman at the front of the class—or, more pointedly, on the array of rainbow-colored products she is setting up on the teacher’s desk.

Spice’s Jessica Chavez, a salesperson and buyer for the store, introduces herself as an “engineering student who crunches numbers all day, but entertains her alternate interests by assisting people in getting more pleasure out of life.” She begins her demonstration with the more straightforward sex toys, like tiny “bullet” vibrators, sized to easily be hidden in bedside drawers from curious kids, and allergy-free, 100 percent silicone, hot-pink 12-inch vibrators, but soon progresses to more complex models with multiple massage patterns and vibratory speeds. There is the smiling, blunt-snouted aqua-blue Diving Dolphin, which Chavez explains is a duel-bulleted vibrator and cock ring worn by a man to stimulate his partner and himself at the same time. There are velcro slings for more comfortable legs-in-the-air positioning, and of course there’s the Rock Chick, a stapler-shaped vibrator with an internal G-spot stimulator and an external elliptical massager.

For those into anal sex, there are stringed beads (gotta have a retrieval system) and vibrating, egg-shaped anal plugs. Also demonstrated are eye-popping purple “rabbit” vibrators with hand-held controllers made famous by their use on Sex in the City . Chavez assures that these “are good for couples into voyeurism. Guys love a controller, and they can sit on a couch up to 20 feet away and watch, without any cords in the way.”

We caress rubbery playthings of all shapes, sizes and functions, pass them around the room, pushing buttons and feeling just how hard or squishy they are, mischievously tapping each other on the shoulders with the extra-long versions. Chavez knowledgably answers all questions, adding that foot fetishists take note—the store also carries a vast assortment of shoes. As she packs up her wares, Kindy circulates a “Thank you” note around the room. One student writes, “Thanks for coming. Pun intended.”

Spice Sensuality Boutique, 6597 Commerce Blvd., Rohnert Park. 707.588.0525. —S.D.

Best Place to Rekindle Love

Marin

Kitchen

868 Grant Ave., Novato. 415.892.6100.

Napa

Angéle

540 Main St., Napa. 707.252.8115.

Sonoma

Cafe Saint Rose

463 Sebastopol Ave., Santa Rosa. 707.546.2459.

Honorable Mention

Ravenous Restaurant

420 Center St., Healdsburg. 707.431.1302.

Best Wedding Reception

Marin

St. Vincent’s School for Boys

1 St. Vincent Drive, San Rafael. 415.507.2000.

Napa

Auberge du Soleil

180 Rutherford Hill Road, Rutherford. 707.963.1211.

Sonoma

Geyserville Inn

21714 Geyserville Ave., Geyserville. 707.857.4343.

Honorable Mention

Madrona Manor

1001 Westside Road, Healdsburg. 707.433.4231.

Best Picnic Spot

Napa

V. Sattui Winery

1111 White Lane, St. Helena. 707.963.7774.

Best Romantic Dinner

Marin

Fork

198 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo. 415.453.9898.

Napa

Brix

7377 St. Helena Hwy., St. Helena. 707.994.2749.

Sonoma

La Gare

208 Wilson St., Santa Rosa. 707.528.4355.

Honorable Mention

Cafe Saint Rose

463 Sebastopol Ave., Santa Rosa. 707.546.2459.

Best Boutique Hotel

Marin

Acqua Hotel

555 Redwood Hwy., Mill Valley. 415.380.0400.

Napa

First Place Tie

Auberge du Soleil

180 Rutherford Hill Road, Rutherford. 707.963.1211.

Napa River Inn

500 Main St., Napa. 707.251.8501.

Sonoma

Hotel La Rose

308 Wilson St., Santa Rosa. 707.579.3200.

Honorable Mention

Hotel Healdsburg

25 Matheson St., Healdsburg. 707.431.2800.

Best Weekend Getaway

Marin

Blackthorne Inn

266 Vallejo Ave., Inverness. 415.663.8621.

Napa

Solage Calistoga

755 Silverado Trail, Calistoga. 866.942.7442.

Sonoma

Jenner Inn & Cottages

10400 Hwy. 1, Jenner. 707.865.2377.

Honorable Mention

Sonoma Coast Villa & Spa

16702 Hwy.1, Bodega. 707.876.9818.

Best Couples Spa

Marin

Frogs Hot Tubs

10 School St. Plaza, Fairfax. 415.453.7647.

Napa

Solage Calistoga

755 Silverado Trail, Calistoga. 866.942.7442.

Sonoma

Osmosis Day Spa Sanctuary

209 Bohemian Hwy., Freestone. 707.823.8231.

Honorable Mention

Mermaids Spa

115 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.823.3535.


Bohemian Best of 2008 Our Town Profiles

03.19.08

René De La Prade: screwball squeezebox

Being thought of as a local “character” does not bother musician René De La Prade in the least. On the contrary. “Yeah, me being thought of as a ‘character’ is kind of inevitable,” she says with a laugh. “I guess I just have a hard time being conventional. If I dressed and behaved like everyone else, I think I’d be really bummed out all the time.”Born in Nicasio, De La Prade rose to local- character status while playing accordion for tips on the streets of San Rafael, often doing so while dressed as a pirate. “I used to busk a lot, but I had to stop,” she says. “It wasn’t worth the effort. If people want good street musicians in San Rafael, they have to learn to tip better!”Though she still plays for tips, her faithful legion of fans know her mainly as a member of the rising punk-powered Celtic band Culann’s Hounds (www.sfhounds.com), a high-energy ensemble playing traditional Irish and Scottish music with an appealingly nontraditional stage presence. Not only does De La Prade play the accordion like she was trying to make it catch fire, she has a certain knack for combining apparel. A few months ago, for example, you might have caught her wearing a WW II aviator’s helmet, with a vintage T-shirt topped off with a weathered pirate jacket, super short miniskirt and knee high socks, with a flash of bare thigh that she says made the whole ensemble work.”These days, I’ve maxed out my pirate clothes. It works for me, because when you think of it, the button-box accordion is a very piratical instrument. Actual pirates played them. And they hold up well in extreme environments.” The same might be said for De La Prade.Culann’s Hounds play April 2 at the Fourth Street Tavern, 711 Fourth St., San Rafael. 415.456.4828.—D.T.

“I’m kind of a late bloomer,” Ann Trinca laughs. “It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I realized that I could do something and if it didn’t work, that was OK.” Thank goodness for advanced age because Trinca, now 37, has taken another flyer doing something that could possibly not work but emphatically does.With encouragement from gallery owner Jessel Miller, Trinca has opened the Nest—part art gallery, part happenings space, part studio, part curio shop—with photographer Norma Quintana in downtown Napa. With its sign cribbed by Quintana from the remnants of a national grocery chain, the Nest, signifies “building an environment with everything that you use and create,” Trinca says.Tired of urban life after living in San Francisco in her 20s, Trinca came to Napa to take a position with the then-fledgling Napa Valley Arts Council. There, she was part of a two-person team putting on open studios, hosting exhibitions and serving the valley’s art community. “And that’s how I came to know more about Napa’s art community,” she says simply. In 2002, Trinca helped to cofound Pearl Necklace, a hand-made post-feminist zine famous for its great launch parties and quarterly issues featuring such ambitious themes as motherhood. It folded in 2006. “The Nest is sort of a physical of manifestation of Pearl Necklace in that I want to bring in everybody from all sorts of backgrounds and get them to experiment,” she says. The current exhibit is “Natural History” and, as with all Nest shows, a portion of proceeds go to the “Nest egg,” a burgeoning grant pool from which Trinca and Quintana plan to begin awarding monies through the arts council. “Our motto,” Trinca says with cheer, “is ‘Live creatively, give generously.'”The Nest, 1019 Atlas Peak Road (behind Jessel Gallery), Napa. A terrarium workshop in conjunction with the current exhibit is slated for March 29 at 11am. $45; reservations required. 707.255.7484.—G.G.

It says a lot about Ralph Morganbesser that, before we start talking, he sneaks a chunk of sauerkraut. I still remember his reaction the first time I ordered a hot dog from him, half my life ago, asking for as much sauerkraut as possible. “A man aftah my own haawhhht!” he howled in his thick Brooklyn accent, clutching his chest in mock exhilaration and happily piling on the holy condiment.

If Santa Rosa is an office, Ralph’s is the water cooler, where everyone from street people to city workers to what he describes as “lotsa lawyers” come each day for their lunchtime fix.”I’m an ex&–New Yorker,” Morganbesser explained last week, “so just the multitude of personalities, it’s stimulating. Some of ’em are comics, y’know, they got the sense of humor, some with the sports, some with the intellectual, some of just the heartfelt stuff. Right from the heart. I think one of my attributes is that I treat people so equally, they feel like there’s no ups or downs. I talk to everyone the same way.”

Morganbesser interrupts himself to shout a phlegmy “Shalom aleichem!” to an aging man passing by. “I have a philosophy in downtown,” he says, “that there’s a lot of people who have a hard life, are challenged mentally and physically, ya’ know. I like to catch their eyes and make ’em smile, or say hello to ’em. Sometimes, I’m these people’s only contact, and I enjoy that—makin’ ’em feel it’s not so crazy and wild out there.”

After almost two decades of serving hot dogs, Morganbesser’s got no plans to retire. Not, at least, until his true mission is complete. “I been tryin’ to get this community to eat sauerkraut for 17 years!” he pleads. “I’ve converted a few—I even beg ’em sometimes. I go, ‘Listen, it’s a big dog. Can I just put a few strands on the tip and let you taste it?'”—G.M.

Yellow police tape encircles the crime scene, holding the gawking crowd of students back from the chalk outline of a sprawled figure and scattered evidence. Is this another tragic campus shooting or a local filming of CSI? No, actually, this is the eighth-grade science lab at Twin Hills Middle School, the domain of Mary Fitch, science teacher extraordinaire.

Ms. Fitch, as her student’s fondly call her, has entertained while teaching students for 13 years at this Sebastopol school, exploding glass bottles into a million pieces, blasting off rockets and shooting bullets made of toilet paper and baking soda while teaching the fundamentals of science. The crime scene starts off the year’s eighth-grade curriculum by demonstrating how science is applied in the “real world.” Fitch is a Stanford-educated geologist. “The job is a perfect match for me,” she says. “The world is so exciting. We make fireballs year after year, and we never get tired of it. When I ask the other teachers what they did they say, ‘We taught commas and semicolons,’ and I get to say, ‘I lit my desk on fire.’ I feel so sorry for my friends in English.” Dressed in her tie-dyed lab coat, Fitch reminds students of The Magic School Bus‘ Ms. Frizzle. In order to teach Newton’s laws, for example, Fitch has students build racecars and run them down a steep ramp she’s constructed in the classroom. The car then hits a brick wall, ejecting its “passenger,” a raw egg. The student must catch it with bare hands for a successful conclusion to this wild ride of an experiment.

“At our school, we have reverse peer pressure,” Fitch says. “It’s cool to be a nerd.”—S.D.

George Webber struts across Sonoma’s Plaza, his voice booming, and you might think he owned the town. In fact, Webber is an ordinary citizen, although “ordinary” isn’t a word he ordinarily uses. Born in Iowa, and a Californian since 1972, he promotes himself as “Sonoma’s Professional Multiple Personality Artiste.” That means he acts out one or more of the colorful dramatic roles he’s created for himself from history and his imagination: Mark Twain of Huck Finn fame; Luigi, an operatic Italian waiter; Professor Vine, a wine snob; and General Mariano Vallejo, arguably the first Californian. He’s best as Samuel Clemens, the original literary split personality.

Sometimes Webber charges a fee; sometimes he acts for free. He moves back and forth from himself to the characters he plays, and then back to himself in an afternoon of open-air theater. Mostly, he knows when he’s Webber or when he’s Webber playing a role. Sometimes the boundary between “he” and “I” dissolves, and Webber is Twain or General Vallejo.

What he’s done as Sonoma’s alter ego, he hopes to do for Napa, and that could spell trouble; a real split personality disorder could develop. Meanwhile, he’s happy doing his Sonoma schtick, and Sonoma is happy, too. Town and man are a good fit. Both love history, and neither has a fixed identity. Moreover, they’re both private, despite their shameless self-promotion. Webber rarely, if ever, talks in public about his years at the Pacific Stock Exchange.

About the town he’s adopted as home, he observes, “Sonoma has two sides. It’s both farming community and bohemian enclave, so some folks call me ‘George,’ others call me ‘the General.'” George’s wife, Cathy, who joins his act as Yvette, has lived with Webber’s multiple personalities for years. “When I met him, I had no idea what I was getting into,” she says. “I still don’t know who he’ll be at the end of the day.”—J.R.


Bohemian Best of Kids 2008 Reader’s Choice

03.19.08
Best Toy Store

Marin

Toy Chest&–Fifth Ave. Toys

1000 Fifth Ave., Ste. 1, San Rafael. 415.451.4942.

Napa

The Learning Faire

1343 Main St., Napa. 707.253.1024.

Sonoma

The Toyworks

www.sonomatoyworks.com

Honorable Mention

Earth Child

200 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.0940.

Best Kid Bookstore

Marin

First Place Tie

San Anselmo Booksmith

615 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.459.7323.

Book Passage

51 Tamal Vista Blvd., Corte Madera. 415.927.0960.

Napa

Copperfield’s Books

www.copperfields.net

Sonoma

Copperfield’s Books

www.copperfields.net

Honorable Mention

Earth Child

200 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.0940.

Best Baby Gift Store

Marin

Heller’s for Children

514 Fourth St., San Rafael. 415.456.5533.

Napa

The Learning Faire

1343 Main St., Napa. 707.253.1024.

Sonoma

Earth Child

200 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.0940.

Honorable Mention

Cupcake

641 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 707.579.2165.

Best Kid Clothing Store

Marin

Ciao Ragazzi

532 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.454.4844.

Napa

Mud Puddles

1227 Lincoln Ave., Calistoga. 707.942.6579.

Sonoma

Earth Child

200 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.0940.

Honorable Mention

The Children’s Boutique

154 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.823.7377.

Best Consignment Shop

Marin

Dove Place

160 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo. 415.453.1490.

Napa

LoLo’s

1120 Main St., St. Helena. 707.963.7972.

Sonoma

First Place Tie

Sweet Pea Children’s Boutique

15 Charles St., Cotati. 707.794.1215.

Wee Peats

1007 W. College Ave., Santa Rosa. 707.525.9333.

Honorable Mention

Zoe Clothing & Kid Exchange

137 Kentucky St., Petaluma. 707.775.3239.

Best Kid Shoe Store

Marin

ArchRival

150 Bon Air Center, Greenbrae .

415.461.6588.

Napa

Freckles

1309 Main St., St. Helena. 707.963.1201.

Best Haircut Salon

Marin

Benvenuto

536 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.454.1347.

Napa

Iveta Salon & Gallery

1341 Napa Town Center, Napa. 707.259.0517.

Sonoma

Pigtails & Crew Cuts

8945 Brooks Road S., Windsor. 707.838.0333.

Honorable Mention Tie

Just Kidz Kutz

312 D St., Santa Rosa. 707.544.2766.

Lions & Tigers & Hair

42 Kentucky St., Petaluma. 707.773.3711.

Best Kid-Friendly Restaurant

Marin

Pier 15

15 Harbor St., San Rafael. 415.256.9121.

Napa

Andie’s Cafe

1042 Freeway Drive, Napa. 707.259.1107.

Sonoma

Mary’s Pizza Shack

www.maryspizzashack.com

Honorable Mention

Bear Republic Brewing Co.

345 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg. 707.433.BEER.

Cupcake: Gimme Gimme Gimme

Just say it. There ain’t no baby like your baby, and the whole world needs to know it. Celeb divas (ahem, J-Lo) aren’t the only ones willing to break bank for their new munchkin, and that’s exactly what Jenny Romeyn-Ramhormozi and Ramin Ramhormozi were thinking when they created Cupcake , “a boutique for the trendy tot” in downtown Santa Rosa and your honorable mention pick for Best Baby Gift Store in Sonoma County. Cupcake has all the sought-after baby designers that, pre-preggo, you didn’t even know you absolutely had to have. Baby Lulu, Beehive, Beetlejuice, Diaper Dude, Petunia Pickle Bottom, Robeez—the drool-laden list just doesn’t stop. Ahh, the covetous happiness of snuggling your cheek up to organic cotton onesies ($18) in hip Tiffany blues and chocolate browns from swoonworthy brands like Under the Nile, and Pink Axle skull-and-crossbones beanies ($24).

Who said anyone can mess with Junior? He’s only three months old, but in that hat, nuh-uh. After salivating over every last freaking clothing item in the store, those with a cupcake still baking can mosey on into the back room where up-to-the-minute maternity clothes are just singing your name. Forget the XL white T-shirts you stole—er, borrowed—from your husband. Brands like Bump Couture and Lauren Kiyomi will have you feeling hot—pre-preggo hot—faster than you can say, “Please remove your hands from my stomach.”

Cupcake, 641 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 707.579.2165. —B.H.

Best Family Outing

Marin

Bay Area Discovery Museum

557 McReynolds Road, Sausalito. 415.339.3900.

Napa

Old Faithful Geyser

1299 Tubbs Lane, Calistoga. 707.942.6463.

Sonoma

First Place Tie

Sonoma Traintown

20264 Broadway, Sonoma. 707.938.3912.

Vertex Climbing Center

3358-A Coffey Lane, Santa Rosa. 707.573.1608.

Honorable Mention Tie

Scandia Family Center

5301 Redwood Drive, Rohnert Park. 707.584.7298.

Safari West

3115 Porter Creek Road, Santa Rosa. 707.579.2551.

Best Birthday Place

Marin

Pinky’s Pizza Parlor

345 Third St., San Rafael. 415.453.3582.

Napa

Studio Arts of Napa

2931 Solano Ave., Napa. 707.251.9200.

Sonoma

First Place Tie

Kidspot Imagination Center

6826 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol. 707.823.5432.

Vertex Climbing Center

3358-A Coffey Lane, Santa Rosa. 707.563.1608.

Honorable Mention

Funky Monkey

397 E. Aviation Blvd., Santa Rosa. 707.573.0304.

Best Imagination Center

Marin

Bay Area Discovery Museum

557 McReynolds Road, Sausalito. 415.339.3900.

Napa

COPIA

500 First St., Napa. 707.259.1600.

Sonoma

Kidspot Imagination Center

6826 Sebastopol Ave., Sebastopol. 707.823.5432.

Honorable Mention

Vertex Climbing Center

3358-A Coffey Lane, Santa Rosa. 707.573.1608.

Best Kid Sports Venue

Marin

Marin Elite Gymnastics Academy

72 Woodland Ave., San Rafael. 415.257.6342.

Napa

Miller’s Tae Kwon Do

849 Jackson St., Ste. 4B, Napa. 707.258.6120.

Sonoma

Vertex Climbing Center

3358-A Coffey Lane, Santa Rosa. 707.573.1608.

Honorable Mention

Sports City

921 Piner Road, Santa Rosa. 707.526.1320.

6700 Stony Point Road, Cotati. 707.285.4625.

Best summer Day Camp

Marin

Marin YMCA

1500 Los Gamos Drive, San Rafael. 415.446.2106.

Napa

Nimbus Arts

3111 St. Helena Hwy., Ste. 1B, St. Helena. 707.963.5278.

Sonoma

Camp Wa-Tam at Howarth Park

630 Summerfield Road, Santa Rosa. 707.543.3292.

Honorable Mention Tie

Cloverleaf Ranch

3892 Old Redwood Hwy., Santa Rosa. 707.545.5906.

Thunderbird Ranch

9455 Hwy. 128, Healdsburg. 707.433.3729.

Best Mentor

Marin

Roberta Dossick, Sir Francis Drake High School

1327 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo. 415.453.8770.

Napa

Boys & Girls Club of Napa Valley

1515 Pueblo Ave., Napa. 707.255.8866.

Sonoma

Mentor Me Petaluma

35 Maria Drive, Ste. 852, Petaluma. 707.778.4798.

Honorable Mention

YMCA of Sonoma County

1111 College Ave., Santa Rosa. 707.545.9622.

Best Public School

Marin

San Rafael High School

185 Mission Ave., San Rafael. 415.485.2330.

Napa

New Technology High School

920 Yount St., Napa. 707.259.8557.

Sonoma

Santa Rosa High School

1235 Mendocino Ave., Santa Rosa. 707.528.5291.

Honorable Mention

Montgomery High School

1250 Hahman Drive, Santa Rosa. 707.528.5191.

Best Private School

Marin

San Domenico School

1500 Butterfield Road, San Anselmo. 415.258.1990.

Napa

First Christian School

2659 First St., Napa. 707.253.7226.

Sonoma

Sonoma Country Day School

4400 Day School Place, Santa Rosa. 707.284.3200.

Honorable Mention

Summerfield Waldorf School & Farm

655 Willowside Road, Santa Rosa. 707.575.7195.

Best Childcare

Marin

First Place Tie

Bay Club Marin

220 Corte Madera Town Center, Corte Madera. 415.945.3000.

Papermill Creek Children’s Corner

503 B St., Pt. Reyes Station. 415.663.9114.

Napa

Boys & Girls Club of Napa Valley

1515 Pueblo Ave., Napa. 707.255.8866.

Sonoma

First Place Tie

Bethlehem Children’s Center

1300 St. Francis Road, Santa Rosa. 707.538.2266.

Pleasant Hill Casa dei Bambini

1000 Gravenstein Hwy., Sebastopol. 707.823.6003.

Honorable Mention

Tommy Tucker’s

555 David Clayton Lane, Windsor. 707.837.8808.

Best Pediatrician

Marin

Dr. Fernando Ulloa

711 D St., San Rafael. 415.454.4100.

Napa

Harvest Pediatrics

www.harvestpediatrics.com

Sonoma

Dr. Locke L. Wilson

1312 Prentice Drive, Healdsburg. 707.433.3383.

Honorable Mention

Dr. Frank J. Miraglia

1200 Sonoma Ave., Santa Rosa. 707.545.2545.

Bohemian Best of Everyday 2008 Writer’s Picks

03.19.08

Best David (and Mark) vs. Goliath story

Fircrest Market is an independent family-run grocery store, owned for 14 years by the Hoffmans: twin brothers David (he runs the floor) and Mark (he runs the office), and their mother, Marge (she does the books). The prices are very often lower than other markets, the service is friendly, the owners are onsite (David is the one at the register; Mark is upstairs hunting for good deals), and they’re committed to old-school ways, like unloading your cart and carrying your bags to your car. Customer requests are heeded, there’s parking galore and when the whole town was out of power last winter, who had lights? Fircrest!

How do they compete with the corporates and keep their prices so low? It’s a real David (and Mark) vs. Goliath situation. “The way we keep our prices down is I’m constantly watching pricing, constantly watching the market,” Mark says. “The last thing we do is raise prices; the first thing we do is buy it right. I buy more, I buy when items are on special, I bridge buy. I pay attention.” All of Fircrest’s buyers and department heads keep an eye on prices, too. “It’s like a family,” Mark says. “Everyone gets involved.”

The Hoffman brothers explain that they are in a unique position—they’re small so they have the flexibility the corporates don’t to react quickly to opportunities, and they don’t have a big profit margin because they’re not greedy. “We’ve got a nice little income,” David says. “But we’re never going to get rich here.”

As an independent, however, they do pay higher wages to their staff, a group of dedicated employees that almost never changes. Why is this? “Because we take care of them,” David explains, “and they take care of us. And we’re fair.” Employees have health and retirement benefits. All of this probably adds up to why the staff treats customers so well. They’re friendly, but not that weird, corporate, I’m-looking-you-in-the-eye-right-now kind of friendly; it’s bona fide.

The Hoffman’s father ran a grocery store in Marin where the brothers worked summers and after school. “The way we were brought up,” Mark explains, “we always have a low profit margin on the things people need: milk, eggs, butter. We’ll never mark that up.” When the price of wheat and so the price of bread skyrocketed, Fircrest was the last market to raise prices. According to David, “We don’t mark it up because we’re in it for the long haul.”

Fircrest Market, 998 Gravenstein Hwy. S., Sebastopol. 707.823.9171. —M.T.J.

We all journey our own short path called life. Some choose to play by the rules, joining ranks with growing numbers in the corporate arena. Others pursue professions requiring diplomas or toil the service sector. Not a few aim for freedom as outlaws, outcasts or searchers. But even among the rarified caste of working artists, none lays claim to the sort of creative niche Fran Fleet has sewn up for herself.

Fran Fleet’s Sandalady Glove Repair in downtown Cotati takes the notion of creative endeavor to a place only true sandlotters, effusive romantics with but peanuts and crackerjack to sustain them can appreciate. Fleet repairs dreams for players living for that crack of the bat on spring’s first day, when most of this country’s still hip-deep in snow or slogging through puddles and mud. Fresh-cut grass, chalked lines, a fat-assed ump and you and your buddies another year older, but out on the field for another first game of yet another season. Kids swarm the refreshment stand while the sun’s heading down. You dive at a sharp-hit line drive, leap for a high bouncer, signal for a popup fly or take a short hopper and flip it to second for a chance to double ’em up.

Fleet began repairing and reconditioning baseball gloves in the mid-1970s. In 1980, she pitched the sandals out and has repaired only baseball gloves ever since. Drop into Fleet’s store, all 100 square feet of it, to recondition an old mitt, or to reconcile with life’s true meaning.

The Sandalady Glove Repair, 820-A Old Redwood Hwy., Cotati. 707.795.3895.—P.J.P.

Now you see him, now you don’t. Was that a guy pedaling a rickshaw down the street? Wait, he’s turning around. Here he comes again. He’s riding a one-wheeled mountain bike geared to a black two-seater carriage, and he’s pulled up to the curb, waiting for a fare. It’s 11pm on a Saturday night, and Santa Rosa’s take on the ecological taxi has arrived. Bicycle-powered rickshaws have plied the teaming streets of Asia and, more recently, major European cities for decades. In California, they’re associated with touristy locales like the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. But the entrepreneur who started Rickshaw Rudy’s Pedal Cab Service is betting that people like us just want to get from the pub to the bar. It’s a great solution to the obstacle course between downtown Santa Rosa and Railroad Square. Deftly, the driver ferries us under the hulking concrete freeway, at a slow, steady pace. At $5 per person to cross town in upholstered comfort, it’s comparable to a gas guzzling taxi—a deal, really, considering that we feel almost bad for the poor driver, breaking a sweat in the crisp winter night. Rickshaw Rudy’s Pedal Cab Service. Friday and Saturday nights, 8pm&–2am. Rain cancels; see schedule at www.rickshawrudys.com.—J.K.

As you leave Calistoga heading south down the Silverado Trail, look off to the right for the Calistoga Beverage Company. There, prominently placed before the neatly housed operation, behold, in all its rusty glory, the famed Calistoga water truck. It’s an enormously outsized (as in 35 feet long and 14 feet high), whimsically cockamamie full-on three-dimensional sculptural rendition of the 1926 truck water company owner and operator Guiseppe Musante and his dog, Frankie, hauled nature’s carbonated earth juice around in back in those romantic days of grave-deep chuckholes and dust-cloud dirt roads. Musante’s first business success was pleasuring locals with heaps of homemade ice cream, frothy phosphates and kaleidoscopic mounds of candies at his Railway Exchange soda fountain. Then, in 1920, while digging a cold water well, it suddenly erupted, blasting him from his scaffolding with scalding-hot torrents of mineral-laden spizz. Guiseppe Musante suffered burns, but had himself a geyser. He capped the well, set up a small bottling line, and Calistoga Sparkling Mineral Water was christened. Calistoga Beverage Company, 865 Silverado Trail, Calistoga. 800.365.4446. —P.J.P.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, folks are watching the weeds grow and wringing their hands over the problem of carbon sequestration. How to till the soil without incurring a net carbon deficit when employing an exhaust-belching tractor service? How about one man with two draft horses—the big, heavy kind that could pull the Budweiser wagon—come out and do it Amish-style? Sure, it sounds like a luxury conceit for rural sentimentalists. How are the financials? About $60 per hour, competitive with mechanized services; the horses, of course, are a little slower. UC Santa Cruz agro-ecology graduate Stuart Schroeder says that it’s not just a Luddite thing—there’s science behind his decision to start Stone Horse Farm. Unlike tractors, horses reproduce themselves, and they fertilize as they go; shucks, they even harvest their own fuel. Schroeder and his horses, Sparky and Ike, cut hay, till the family vegetable farm, haul timber and do custom work for a devoted customer base. Fancy carriage rides for weddings and other events round out the off season. Anachronistic, some may say, but how long before $4 diesel is a throwback to the past? How long, really, before we’re all waiting in line at the feed store, grousing about the price of alfalfa? www.stonehorse.biz.—J.K.

Mark Armstrong‘s alternative fuels class at SRJC, Auto 190.1, is more than your average grease-monkey class. Much more. Armstrong, a diesel mechanic by day, educates students about the plethora of innovative and sustainable sources of energy other than oil that can be used not only for powering our beloved cars, but for generating alternative-energy sources in a post-oil world. Even converting 50 percent of the United State’s vehicles to diesel—no longer slow and stinky thanks to advancements in diesel technology—would save us 2 million barrels of oil a day. Then there are bio-diesel, electric, solar and hybrid vehicles, slowly replacing the inefficient and unsustainable gasoline car. Rather than waiting for the government to solve our problems, or a mysterious “someone else” to figure out how to ease us off dead dinosaur goo before the supply is exhausted, Armstrong entertains every idea, no matter how seemingly absurd it might seem at first.

Armstrong is an affable, easygoing guy who also runs a lab companion to his lecture class, where students put into action and test various low- and high-tech technologies, trying to work out the downsides and challenges of alternative fuels. He’s also the faculty adviser to the 100 Mile Per Gallon Club, which doesn’t and never has had any members because none of his students has figured out yet how to achieve that kind of vehicle mileage. But it doesn’t stop Armstrong from putting the challenge out there. (After all, Volkswagen achieved 234 mpg with a one-cylinder, three-wheel diesel concept car.) But again, it’s about more than just cars: Armstrong is thinking and experimenting big. He says that he shares with his students “alternative energy technologies, and how these technologies are becoming incorporated into the designs of heavy and light duty trucks, equipment, rail systems, power generation, shipping.”

“Just because there are problems or challenges with every single alternative fuel,” Armstrong repeats to each class like a mantra, “doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do anything about making the energy transition we need to make.” www.mobiletruckmedic.com—M.P.

Of course Heath Ceramic‘s tile is astronomically expensive; it’s hand-made and hand-glazed and entirely made in the U.S.A, fergodssake. And of course it’s astronomically cool (Frank Lloyd Wright loved it, as does Alice Waters). But what if you, the average middle-class Joe or Jane who has somehow managed to develop fancy taste without the bank to back it up, wanted to retile a tired bathroom with something perhaps funky, fresh and fly, how could Heath Ceramics possibly fit into this scenario? Wonder no more, ye cheapskate. In a word: overstock. Whee! Heath has a whole room of gorgeous handmade tile, with its signature wiped edge and clean, spare design, in brilliant or subtle colors, wacky mod shapes and up to 80 percent off! Check Heath’s website for a partial list of what’s in store for you. Plus, the Sausalito factory store sells tableware, including plates, bowls, vases and platters at up to 30 percent off in seconds and overstock of current and discontinued lines, samples and prototypes. But wait, that’s not all. Do not miss the free factory tour, which shows the original methods and equipment developed by Edith Heath herself, led Saturday and Sunday mornings at 11am. The Heath Ceramics factory store is open daily. Sunday&–Wednesday, 10am to 5pm; Thursday&–Saturday, 10am to 6pm. 400 Gate Five Road, Sausalito. 415.332.3732. —M.T.J.

For years now, the main concern for the owners of Pee Wee Golf in Guerneville hasn’t been keeping business up; it’s been keeping the water down. Each year, the miniature golf course—built in 1948 by miniature golf pioneer Lee Koplin—goes completely underwater as the nearby Russian River swells. The structures on the golf course itself are a distinct example of midcentury folk art, showcasing large dinosaurs, hungry fish and towering monkeys—one hole even features a couple of cannibals tending to a large cooking pot. Koplin himself went on to design many “goofy golf” courses across America in the 1950s, but he could never have predicted his creation’s ulterior usage: as a de facto barometer for local residents to visually estimate flood levels, using the large purple dinosaur out front as a measuring stick. “How’s Lily?” can be interpreted from its native Guernevillese into “How high is the water?” Things are bad indeed if the water level is up to the dinosaur’s head, and sometimes the poor thing is buried completely under as much as 16 feet of water—as was the case during the famous Valentine’s Day flood of 1986. Each year, owners Tom and Vanessa Glover get some friends together to hose, scrape and repaint the fixtures, and the weekend antics of preadolescents making their way around the zany cement statues are restored. Pee Wee Golf & Arcade, 16155 Drake Road, Guerneville. 707.869.9321.—G.M.

There is nothing about downtown Windsor that demands a map store. It’s not on the way to anywhere in particular, and it doesn’t get a lot of lost tourist traffic. But as the Map Store is the only establishment of its kind for many miles in all four directions, it is perhaps the beginning of many journeys. The outward bound can find USGS quad maps, engineers can order surveys, wine geeks may pinpoint favorite estate vineyards and the nostalgic can find old aerial photos of their hometown. Maps not found here can be custom-ordered from the Library of Congress and printed out on the Map Store’s HP plotter. The store’s most acclaimed project has been its Sonoma County viticultural maps. Vineyard owners contribute their site specifics for the detailed maps, which are drawn up by in-house cartographers. It’s been a big hit, and they’ve gone on to create an appellation series for the state of Oregon. Also find here maps to plan your road trip across the States or through the streets of London, as well as globes, atlases and geography-related learning materials. A selection of heavy, Italian-made wrapping paper printed with historical maps is available for gift wrapping—but customers often request framing for the paper itself. The Map Store, 9091 Windsor Road, Windsor. 707.838.4290.—J.K.

It’s no surprise, really, that Tiburon, which already has some of the most expensive housing and best views in Marin County, also features the best and most beautiful fire station. Designed by Mahoney Architects of Tiburon, the Craftsman-style building resembles a luxurious mountain chalet, one with giant upstairs windows from which firefighters can keep their eyes on the perfect little houses of Tiburon, while also taking in some awesome views of the Bay. Strikingly designed, the place is easily the most attractive public building in town. Ironically, it could also end up being the only building left in Tiburon should the Big One hit anytime soon, because, according to Mahoney’s website, the firehouse is the only public structure in Tiburon that meets all state seismic codes. Tiburon Fire Station, 1679 Tiburon Blvd., Tiburon. 415.435.7200.—D.T.

As grapevines are hermaphrodites, pollinating their flower clusters all by themselves, they have little use for bees. But the pairing of Paul and Mary Sue Smith has brought them together in one quirky shop in Calistoga. Entering Hurd Beeswax Candles, one sees handmade candles, flame-shaped candles, every variety of candle. In the corner, there’s a winetasting bar. Paul makes the wine, Mary Sue minds the beeswax. Around the bar, lively conversation buzzes around and briefly alights on such topics as California’s ultimate underdog wine, Charbono; whether Calistoga should have its own AVA; and the perils of Yugoslavian queens, for starters. Behind a set of little doors, visitors can view comings and goings at the shop’s resident beehive. Paul’s On the Edge wines are redolent of chocolate and brandy, wild grape and extra-ripe blackberries; Hurd Beeswax Candles is redolent of . . . scented candles, the only drawback to serious winetasting here. But the overly serious can always just buzz off. On the Edge Winery and Hurd Beeswax Candles, 1255 Lincoln Ave., Calistoga. 707.942.7410.—J.K.

Need a hat or two? A colorful pair of leg warmers? A fly pair of sunglasses? Something cheeky to brighten up the room? Check out the fabulous, affordable fashion accessories at Shiki Monkey boutique on South Main Street in Sebastopol (next to GTOs). It’s a local, family-run business in the true sense. Two sisters (Julia and Anne Lyman, born and bred in Sonoma County) and their mom (Donna Clark-Lyman-Nittinger) run the store, do the buying and the displays; their husbands chip in, their stepfather built all the cases and tables, and everyone helped transform it from a carpeted, mirrored, gray sponge-painted nail salon to the groovy space it is today. Julia, who does most of the buying and interior design, was a buyer at Copperfield’s Books where she learned a lot about what people buy and about “fluffing” displays. Anne’s good eye can be seen in the stunning window boxes outside; she worked at a nursery in Napa before committing whole hog to a partnership with her sister, a partnership they said they knew was bound to happen someday. What prompted these young ladies to start their own business? Neither sister likes to answer to anyone. “We both have independent spirits,” Anne says. “We’re very stubborn.” When asked what they like to sell, Julia says, “Things you just have to have! Fun is the name of the game—colorful, bright, life-loving products that make you feel good.” Shiki Monkey, 236 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.1712.—M.T.J.

Once when I was making wine in the garage of a rented house, my housemate’s girlfriend, a psychology grad, remarked that I must have a really strong ego. Really? Because I can delay gratification for a whole year before the wine is ready to drink, she explained. If this is so, some El Molino High School students are getting an extra-credit lesson in character-building; most of them won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of their labor for about four more years, until they turn 21. A unique elective where kids get a head start in the area’s leading industry, El Molino’s four-year-old, nearly one-of-a-kind Pinot Noir viticulture program (Santa Rosa High has a similar vineyard, planted in Chardonnay) involves students in pruning and caretaking of grapevines. Of course, thanks to the cautious wisdom of the superego, there’s no lab course in winemaking. Notable local winemakers take turns donating their expertise when it’s time to crush, and proceeds from wine sales benefit the school. The first vintage of “Lion’s Pride Pinot,” so-called for the El Molino mascot, was bottled in 2007. Heck, if there had been such an option when I was in high school, I might have joined the “aggies.”—J.K.

Years ago, when the county proposed building a new jail on the knoll near Frank Lloyd Wright’s beloved Marin Civic Center—and within plain sight of the motorists passing by on Highway 10—a lot of people freaked. “Relax,” the powers that be said. “We’ll build it in such a way that no one will see it.” Damn if they weren’t telling the truth. Though construction on the thing raised more concerns, the builders maintained that once built and landscaped, it would be virtually invisible. Nowadays, should you drive by on 101, all you will see is a pleasantly sloping hill covered in trees, somewhere beneath which the multilevel jail is thrumming with the angsty vibrations of bad guys and ne’er-do-wells that no one even realizes are there. Meanwhile, the old jail at the Civic Center, the one vacated when the detainees were moved to the jail under the knoll, has been gutted and cleared out, and is being converted into offices for use by county workers. There might be a joke in there somewhere, but we leave it to you to find it. Marin County Jail, 13 Peter Bear Drive, San Rafael. 415.499.7316.—D.T.

Picture this raggedy-ass ogre tall as the Transamerica Building whose notion of fashion is topping his butt-ugly mug with a “sugar-loaf head-dress”—whatever that is—power-walking across North Bay valleys, snot snaking out his schnoz, constantly spewing vile bubbly half-eaten stuff from his acid-reflux guts, and, if that weren’t enough, copping this attitude like he just has to scoop little tykes up from schoolyards and parks, gobbling the buggers down like splurty Jelly Bellies. The Pomo called him Shil-la-ba Shil-toats, and thought they’d safely put him down two centuries ago. Our Defense Department calls him Goliath II, General Dynamic’s newly patented biological weapons system. The DD has called for his summer Iraq deployment. General Dynamic’s stock’s shot up 13 percent since last week’s announcement.—P.J.P.


Bohemian Best of 2008 Romance Writer’s Picks

03.19.08

Best Place to Test Drive Parenthood

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.In serious relationships, it’s only a matter of time before you and your partner begin unwittingly auditioning for the role of parent to your future children. And there’s no better place to start honing innate maternal/paternal instincts—or to explore the glaring deficiencies thereof—than at the Marin Humane Society, celebrating its 100th year of saving animals and finding them homes.

“Our kennels and cages are always filled with adorable adoptables, and on weekends it’s not unusual to do 20 to 30 adoptions,” says Sheri Cardo, MHS’ former director of public information (Cardo has since left the position). “Potential adopters appreciate coming to a shelter where there is a wide selection of wonderful animals and a good chance of finding ‘the One.'” The Marin Humane Society doesn’t take the adoption of its animals lightly, though pets are certainly easier to obtain than an actual baby. “It’s our goal to make lifelong matches between people and pets, so we try to get a good idea of a family’s lifestyle,” Cardo says. “For example, we try to match high-energy dogs with athletic families, and more relaxed dogs with people who take life a little easier.” I got the biggest surprise myself a few years back when I called my house from work one day. My fiancée and I had been in mourning at the passing of her 16-year-old Yorkie. With life’s fleeting nature in full perspective, I was struggling to find meaning in the painful new plethora of free time that the dog’s passing had opened. She was taking it as well as could be expected after 16 years of memories. We’d discussed another pet, but financial prudence, career demands and guilt about premature void-filling always won out.But I knew something was askew when she answered the phone that morning. I soon headed home, expecting another man in the house. And indeed, there was. When I opened the door, he jumped on me and proceeded to lick my face clean, with complete trust and friendly abandon. Apparently, my fiancée had been visiting the Humane Society for weeks until this little black Jack Russell mix with white spots stole her heart, urging her to begin the adoption process. He was found in the middle of a field in Napa, with much of his litter dead from the cold. I really can’t tell you what she said after that, because I was busy playing with my new “son.” Though it may be ridiculous to suggest this is similar to your newborn baby clutching your hand for the first time, it’s the closest thing I’ve experienced yet. Years later, after countless joyous moments and the confirmation of having become “one of those weird dog people,” I must say that day was one of the best surprises I’ve ever had. Maybe I’ll even feel that way about a baby someday.The Marin Humane Society, 171 Bel Marin Keys, Novato. 415.883.4621.—D.S.

Love hangs thick in the air, but the wallet is thin and the specter of payday is long off. Still, it doesn’t take a superhero to find the perfect spot to snuggle up with your honey for dinner and a movie. Never fear, the Rio is here! Located over the river and through the redwoods in downtown Monte Rio, the Rio Theater has been in business at its Quonset hut setting since 1950. Owners Don and Susi Schaffert screen current films five nights a week; replacing those annoying preshow ads are slide shows from trips Don’s parents took in the ’70s.

The theater offers a dinner in a basket: a choice of eight different gourmet sausages (including vegetarian options) in a bun with condiments, a small popcorn or chips, and a 16-ounce soda. Eat inside while admiring the variety of painted murals depicting logging scenes, Star Wars villains and an angel spewing celestial discharge. The cushy seats are perfect for nestling in the dark, but be sure to bring a blanket, since the high-ceilinged Quonset never quite warms up. Dinner for two: $13. Cost of movie: $16. The look of love from your main squeeze: priceless.

Rio Theater, 20396 Bohemian Hwy., Monte Rio. Films screen Wednesday&–Sunday at 7pm; matinees, Saturday&–Sunday at 4pm. 707.865.0913. —S.D.

Once upon a time, in a land not very far away (OK, in Healdsburg), a starry-eyed couple strolled around the Old World beauty of Madrona Manor . The visit was intended to be a casual one, just a stop on a Sunday afternoon to see if perhaps the location was good for nuptials that had only been dreamily discussed. But after cruising up the loping driveway nestled between thickets of flowers, bushes and jewel-green lawns and catching sight of the buttercream yellow mansion, the couple’s hearts began to sing a different tune, one that sounded strikingly similar to Pachelbel’s Canon . By the time the car stopped, she knew they would be getting married there. Little did she know that a sly little engagement ring was already tucked away in his pocket. With magic thick in the air, they couldn’t help but also fall in love with each of the mansion’s stone urns cascading with wild flowers, the Victorian-style china plates and the thick expanses of emerald grass. The lovebirds flitted to the hilltop garden overlooking the grounds, and with a vision of Sonoma County vineyards floating lazily in periphery and a sweet little garden resting beneath their feet, he asked her to be his wife. She said yes. Had there ever been such golden happiness? She wanted to bottle up the moment and drink a little sip from it, every day.

Madrona Manor, 1001 Westside Road, Healdsburg. New California cuisine prepared by chef Jesse Mallgren, Wednesday&–Saturday, 6pm to 9pm. 800.258.4003 .—B.H.

We’re always on the lookout for small, quaint, inexpensive places to rent for weddings. So how could we, in years past, have overlooked the Kenwood Depot? With a cozy main room (holds about a hundred), a redwood-tree-lined backyard patio (for dining) and an outdoor barbecue pit, it’s the perfect romantic spot for tying the knot if you’re opting for a low-key affair. Built in 1888 by famed architect Henry Hobson Richardson (builder of Boston’s Trinity Church), the hall features a hardwood oak floor, a vineyard setting, an attached kitchen and a historic atmosphere quaintly suited to walking down the aisle. Especially attractive is the stonemasonry of the building, erected with large stones actually ripped from San Francisco’s Market Street when said thoroughfare was revamped and shipped on a freight car to Kenwood, which at that time was despondently depot-less. Trains stopped running past the depot over 70 years ago, but thanks to the efforts of preservationists and the Kenwood Community Club, it’s enjoyed new life. At a recent wedding, amidst toasts and polka dancing, two separate people reported having seen Van Morrison and Dan Hicks perform in the depot’s small hall back in 1969. Kenwood Depot, 314 Warm Springs Road, Kenwood. 707.833.5190. www.kenwooddepot.com.—G.M.

It was a day of a gajillion weddings—07/07/’07—and avid people-watchers in Sonoma Plaza were treated to not one, not two, but five groups of wedding parties for their weekend gawking. Nowhere is the mystery of human intention more entertaining than in a group of wedding celebrants. How did the bride and groom meet? Which bridesmaid secretly hates which groomsman, and will they patch up their grudges in the sack tonight after too many drinks? Who in the world picked out those colors, anyway? By all measurements, however, the people-watching award goes to the giggling group of bridesmaids who tinkled out of the antiquated lobby of the 19th-century Hotel Sonoma and onto the Plaza sidewalk wearing nothing but white terrycloth robes. “Where’s the limo?” squeaked the leader, while several others clutched Champagne glasses, gabbing about hair, makeup and the sorts of things that bridesmaids gab to each other about. Soon, said limo pulled up, the blur of lipstick and curlers hopped into its doors. It was all over in a matter of seconds, but damn! Hotel Sonoma, W. Spain St., Sonoma. 800.468.6016 .—G.M.


Bohemian Best of Recreation 2008 Writer’s Choice

03.19.08

Best Way to Slip a Disc

The thing about playing competitive sports after a certain age is this: You get hurt. Whether it’s because you’re a weekend warrior, another player haplessly bashes into you or you want your body to do things it can no longer do, it’s going to happen. Hello, ice and ibuprofen. But there is one middle-age-and-beyond competitive sport that’s essentially noncontact (except for you and the ground), usually pits you against a player of your own skill level and affords you those all-out glory moments you miss so much: Ultimate Frisbee.

Now, this is not a bunch of barefoot hippies lazily tossing around a disc between tokes. Cleats are essential, and it is wise to be in some sort of shape as Ultimate combines the nonstop movement and endurance of soccer with the passing skills and field size of football. The friendly Sebastopol pickup game that happens at either Brookhaven Middle School or Analy High School, depending on the season and weather, is one of several in the North Bay (including those in Windsor, Petaluma, SSU and a slew in Marin County; see the Ultimate Players Association site, www.upa.org for details). But the Sebastopol game seems to be the friendliest of them all.

Hugh Williams, 50, is the informal captain of this game—or at least the one who cares enough to do the leg work to keep it organized. “It’s a great mix of people, young and old, experienced and beginner, fast and slow, male and female,” he says. “We teach eight-year-olds how to play, challenge high schoolers to get better, encourage strangers walking by to join in and try to keep up with the active college players and past national champions.”

But what makes Ultimate special is a combination of the attitude of the players, the beauty of the flying disc and the way the games come together in an almost anarchic fashion (“anarchic” in the self-governing, not the Sex Pistols, sense, though that’s cool, too). Heather Shepherd, 42, is one of the toughest, most athletic players on the field. “There is pure joy in running hard to catch a soaring disc,” she says. Williams agrees. “A flying disc has so many ways to get from one point to the other,” he says. “It can go fast, slow, around things, over (and under!) stuff, way out of the field of play and then back into it, upside down, multiple arcs in one throw—a flying disc is a thing of beauty to watch.”

Shepherd and Williams both find Ultimate unique among sports because of its guiding light, the “spirit of the game,” a tradition of sportsmanship that places the responsibility for fair play on the players rather than the referees. “For me, the notion of a self-refereed game that is as competitive as, if not more so than, any sport I’ve ever played, is crucial,” Shepherd says. “It means being honest, reflective, level-headed and, mostly, being responsible for yourself. It also means being good-natured and trusting. OK, not everyone is this all the time, and there are heated moments in tournaments, but people have to work it out or the game stops. Think about it—it could change the world.”Sebastopol Ultimate Frisbee pickup. Sundays 9:30am-ish to noon. Brookhaven Middle School or Analy High School. www.upa.org/pickup.—M.T.J.

Every schoolchild thrills at the grandeur of our beloved Sequoia sempervirens. These mighty giants have prospered along a narrow belt of California’s northern coast since the days of dinosaurs. A few of these redwoods, some stretching back well over a millennium, are still living with us today. One stand grows not far from the ocean near the mouth of the Russian River. Armstrong Redwoods State Reserve is a living jewel adorning western Sonoma County. First attempts to preserve it began in 1870. Col. James Armstrong saved the grove from the logging activities gobbling up redwood forests from Oregon’s southern border on down to Monterey. Later, the LeBaron family teamed up with the Colonel’s daughter, and in 1917, Sonoma County purchased the grove. Seventeen years later, Armstrong became part of California’s State Park System.

Millions have been humbled and overjoyed by what’s truly one of the earth’s finest natural preserves. But enjoy it while you can, because Armstrong Redwoods SRA and the adjoining Austin Creek SRA will shut their gates to the public should Gov. Schwarzenegger’s proposed budget cuts get enacted. Schwarzenegger wants $13.3 million trimmed from the park system’s current $150 million budget, leaving administrators with nothing but tough choices. They’ve concluded it would be better to close 48 parks statewide than reduce services to all 278. Besides these two Guerneville area parks, Mariano Vallejo’s Petaluma Adobe SHP and the 2,000-acre Tomales Bay SP in Marin County are also on the chopping block. The Save Our State Parks Campaign is a project of the California State Parks Foundation. They say there are five things people can do to stop the park closures:

1. Contact your legislators and tell them to oppose any park closures.

2. Write a letter to the editor to your local paper.

3. Involve others in the campaign to save our state parks.

4. Share your story about enjoying California’s state parks.

5. Participate in Park Advocacy Day, Monday, April 7, 2008 .The Save Our State Parks Campaign website is www.savestateparks.org.—P.J.P.

Gals, are you looking for a workout? Camaraderie? An alter ego? Want to wear trashy-sexy outfits and indulge your aggressions in a sanctioned forum (read: smack some other chicks around)? Well, have I got the place for you: the Sonoma County Roller Derby. Get out those fishnets and hot pants, pick your derby name and prepare to rumble. OK, so the current incarnation of amateur, indie-style flat-track, quad-skate roller derby doesn’t take place on a banked track, nor is it as akin to pro wrestling as it was in the ’70s. And while some elbows and hips fly on occasion, and there’s quite a bit of bumping and jostling, mostly it’s about having fun. Don’t know or don’t remember how to skate but still want to roll? No worries, because as the SCRD says, “We can teach you how to skate, but the desire must be within.” You must be 21, and health insurance is highly recommended, because as they also say, “It’s not a matter of if you get hurt, but when.” Open practices are held every Tuesday, at CalSkate in Rohnert Park. Check out the SCRD website (www.sonomacountyrollerderby.org) for more info. Sonoma County Roller Derby at Cal Skate, 6100 Commerce Blvd., Rohnert Park. 707.585.0494.—M.T.J.

Searching for the relaxing beauty of the Napa Valley on a shoestring budget can be like trying to find an outfit on Project Runway that you’d actually wear out in public; in both cases, the figures just don’t match yours. Thanks to the after-hours special at Calistoga Spa Hot Springs, however, the question isn’t whether you’re in or you’re out, because for the price of just a couple yards of fabric, you can make it work. All four of the spa’s naturally heated mineral pools are open to the public year-round, but the killer deal kicks in at 7pm, when for only $10 you’ll have two luxurious hours soaking under the clear nighttime skies of Napa Valley. There’s a lap pool, an octagonal Jacuzzi pool, a kids wading pool with fountains and a 100-degree soaking pool. Palm trees and landscaping line the swimming area, and the surrounding buildings are low enough to offer a refreshing view of the hills. Bringing in snacks, drinks and floaties is OK, and there’re showers for rinsing off afterward. Added bonus: if you really need to get away from the kids, there’re plenty of watering holes nearby, and in a flair of the globetrotting, there’re almost always two or three foreign languages being spoken around the pool. The whole experience is so affordable and chic, you’ll hate to say auf Wiedersehen. Calistoga Spa Hot Springs, 1006 Washington St., Calistoga. 707.942.6269.—G.M.

Established exactly 100 years ago this January, Muir Woods National Monument attracts some 800,000 visitors each year and in the height of the summer travel season, it certainly feels as if they’ve all come at once. Those of us foolhardy enough to venture to Muir Woods on a July weekend will find parking nonexistent and that whole communing-with-nature concept a joke, as the horde of 8 x 105 slowly todder along the spacious redwood trails, talking loudly, eating voraciously, laughing racously and just generally embodying urban white noise while outside. Poke along past the “full” signs at the parking lots only to discover that just a brief mile or so down the road, there are trails and hills and pretty bird songs with perhaps only 8 x 10 other people as the redtail flies. There, trailheads come right down to the road in a friendly manner, and it is possible to take a stimulating uphill hike among nature’s many splendors without hearing a word of German or having to sidestep a rabid, leashed toddler. It is fairly miraculous. The woods themselves will still be there in late October, when the crowds have returned home and the weather is at its finest. Muir Woods National Monument, take Highway 1 toward Stinson Beach and follow the signs. Continue placidly past. 415.388.2595.—G.G.

At the Sonoma County Bicycle Coalition‘s annual festival in Santa Rosa’s Juilliard Park, the public is encouraged to enter an unusual bike race. The starting line is chalked on the asphalt, along with the finish line—a mere 30 feet later. Huh? That’s because the goal of the race is to ride slowly, without falling, and to actually cross the finish line last. Last year, while SCBC director Christine Culver lined up the dueling diehards and counted them off on their snail-paced way, a rapt crowd, including Santa Rosa City Council members Lee Pierce and Veronica Jacobi, rang bells and cheered wildly for the slow racers like it was the Tour of California. Semi-finalist (and current city council candidate) Gary Wysocky, after besting a particularly lean-legged hopeful, advised that “the trick is in the start—you have to go slow right at the beginning.” Trying to ride your bike as slow as possible without toppling over is an addictive habit (as evidenced by the multitudes of semi-stalled cyclists standing on bikes at traffic intersections), and as far as spectator sports go, watching the SCBC’s contestants barely skirt the topple at a near standstill is more suspenseful than most ESPN programming these days.—G.M.

Vineyards, check. Mustard fields, check. Three-star restaurants, winetasting rooms, upscale boutiques—check, check, check. Learning about the Napa Valley’s pivotal role in the 1849 Gold Rush, seeing stingrays and jellyfish while traveling under the largest “flyover” migration path of birds in Northern California? Gotta check. Which is easy to do when boating along on a Napa River Cruise. Created in 2002 by Coast Guard&–licensed natural historian Kevin Trzcinski, Napa River Cruises are an adventure in Napa’s little-known and richly diverse natural world. “We’re on one of the biggest protected waterways” in the West, Trzcinski explains, and in two hours, he takes visitors from the saltwater estuaries of Richardson Bay to the high desert climate of Calistoga. “We really show the diversity of the area,” Trzcinski says. Trzcinski encourages his guests to bring picnics and wine, and has just started a wedding service aboard his boat where a married couple and two witnesses can enjoy a riverine renewal ceremony conducted by Trzcinski, a licensed minister, replete with cake, chocolates, music, photos, a printed notice in the local paper and even ring cleaning for just $275. Napa River Cruises depart seven days a week, but launch times vary depending on the tide. “There’s plenty of water in the river,” he says cheerfully, “but the city is a little slow on dredging the docks, so we have to wait for high tide to take off.” While tourists are assuredly his bread and butter, Trzcinski is just as eager to educate locals about Napa’s lesser-known charms. “Napa is a deep water port,” he stresses, “but no one thinks of us as a maritime community. I have taken guests on the boat who live here, who are prominent members of the community, and time and time again they say, ‘It’s just a completely different perspective.'” Napa River Cruises, $40 per person, available daily. For reservations, call Kevin Trzcinski, 707.224.4768.—G.G.


Devil-Sown Houses

03.19.08

It’s a familiar old saw, proponents of small-town rural tradition conflicting with those who feel times demand their town change, develop and expand. Development was precisely the reason why Ellen G. White moved the tiny Pacific Union College (PUC) out of a growing Healdsburg back in 1909, leading fellow Seventh Day Adventists to their new home in northeast Napa County. White observed, “While men slept, the devil sowed houses around us.” White and her followers named their newly founded community Angwin, after Edwin Angwin, from whom they had just purchased their property.

Already sown houses posed no problem on Angwin’s undeveloped 1,600 acres. There, 1,749 feet up on Howell Mountain, Pacific Union College was built anew. Decades passed, during which time practically every Angwin resident was a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.

Now, nearly a century after White felt compelled by residential development to lead fellow believers across the Mayacamas range—and many non-Adventists also call Angwin their home—PUC once again faces the prospect of a large residential development sown around it. Only this time the proposed development was initiated and is backed by members of White’s own flock. Opposition to the project is largely, though not exclusively, composed of non-Adventists living in and around the town.

Seattle-based Triad Development Corporation is teaming up with PUC to create what they are terming a “world-class eco-village that will be a showcase for sustainable development.” According to Triad, their 380-residential-unit village will include “70 acres of locally grown food, solar and geothermal power for new homes and business, rainwater harvesting, [and] 100 percent wastewater reuse” Furthermore, the developers stipulate that “35 percent of [the] housing is quality affordable and local preference housing.”

Like many institutions of higher learning, PUC faces serious ongoing financial challenges. And while public institutions draw from tax coffers, be they ever dwindling, and well-heeled private institutions have enormous endowments supporting them, PUC has neither tax money nor a substantial endowment for purposes of growth.

President of PUC Richard Osborn asserts that Angwin and surrounding communities stand to benefit from the project. “The eco-village is a rare opportunity to create a national model of green living with solar power, organic farming and preservation of forest land. The idea resulted from our need to increase our endowment to ensure our long-term viability and our desire to create a sustainable project consistent with our beliefs in healthy living,” he says. “The eco-village will accomplish our goals and provide the community with significant benefits. It will help meet housing needs of people who live and work in the area, and help us continue our efforts to serve the community, such as the preschool we operate, preserving and maintaining forests and public safety services. A village square and green will replace a strip mall with community serving retail and a place where the community can gather. This small project represents a one-of-a-kind opportunity to create a community with an unparalleled commitment to sustainability, social equity and environmental preservation.”

Not everyone feels the school’s financial woes are best solved by reinventing the community. The largely non-Adventist group Save Rural Angwin (SRA) touts wide-ranging allies in opposition to the eco-village development. The group has a list of over a thousand supporters whom SRA member Duane Cronk describes as “mostly upvalley people.” They likewise have the backing of both the Napa Farm Bureau and the Sierra Club.

Angwin’s so-called urban bubble is one of 12 such nonphysical creations scattered throughout Napa County. These conceptual bubbles were established three decades ago, intended as sites where development might be permitted, thus preventing unbridled development throughout the whole of Napa County. This plan was in keeping with an overwhelming vision that Napa County remain ag-based and largely undeveloped, allowing a smattering of small towns where development would occur. Reflecting this sentiment, county voters have over the years passed a series of legislative initiatives to slow developmental growth.

At an overcrowded March 4 meeting, the Napa County Board of Supervisors voted 3 to 2 to retain unincorporated Angwin’s controversial “urban bubble.” The development, should it be built, will boost Angwin’s population by more than 43 percent.

Angwin, while sparsely populated, seems to fit the urban bubble bill. But according to Cronk, “the bubble is a planning mistake.” He elaborates, “It would designate many acres of prime agricultural land for urban development and does not even include much of the existing village [of Angwin].”

When asked how the issue has escalated to the point that some 800 people—mostly eco-village supporters—felt compelled to show up at a county supervisors meeting, SRA member Kellie Anderson says, “We were promised participation, input and consideration for any development that would happen in our community. Triad said this would be a transparent process and that everyone in the community would have input. We were told they wanted to build something the entire community would want to have. Instead, we were given cookie-cutter cutouts. Show and tell. No one from PUC or Triad could answer any question except in the tiny area of their particular expertise. It was demeaning. Snappily dressed men. A complete snowjob. It had nothing to do with how we live or who we are. It was a town in a box. Angwin is already green—really, really green without Triad.”


Rock of Ages

03.19.08 M iami-based metal sensation Black Tide offer the usual youth clichés—with the members ranging in age from 15 to 19, their current tour takes them into rock 'n' roll bars they can't get into as fans, but their solid music and accomplished professionalism belong to bands 10 years their senior. Yet there's a greater irony for the young...

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03.19.08Best Place for Kids to Reenact Scenes from 'Cars' "Dad! Be a zombie! Be a zombie, Dad!" So was the shrill and joyous cry of several young children as they coached a parent through a game of zombie-themed chase-and-scream on a recent afternoon at Corte Madera Town Park . Dutifully zombified, the father ambled and shuffled toward whichever...

Bohemian Best of Culture 2008 Writer’s Choice

ISSUEDATE Best Big Three of comicsMost everyone loves comics and animation. With billions of voracious worldwide consumers, and legions of artists working to satisfy their demands, what chance that three of the 20th century's most proficient, celebrated and successful animacomictoonists would have called a mere 20-mile stretch in the North Bay home?You may never have heard of Calistoga's Ben Sharpsteen,...

Bohemian Best of 2008 Romance Reader’s Choice

03.19.08Best ChocolatierMarinPowell's Sweet Shoppe879 Grant Ave., Novato. 415.898.6160.NapaAnette's Chocolate Factory1321 First St., Napa. 707.252.4228.SonomaLa Dolce V Fine Chocolates110 N. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.829.2178.Honorable MentionSweet Memory Chocolates305 Center St., Healdsburg. 707.433.5351.Best Flower ShopMarinBloomworks200 Bon Air Center, Greenbrae. 415.464.8166.518 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.453.2478.NapaBJ's Petal Pushers1620 Main St., Napa. 800.944.9523.SonomaStems864 Fourth St., Santa Rosa. 707.546.7522.Honorable MentionCounty Daisy Florist & Gifts423...

Bohemian Best of 2008 Our Town Profiles

03.19.08René De La Prade: screwball squeezeboxBeing thought of as a local "character" does not bother musician René De La Prade in the least. On the contrary. "Yeah, me being thought of as a 'character' is kind of inevitable," she says with a laugh. "I guess I just have a hard time being conventional. If I dressed and behaved like...

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03.19.08Best Toy StoreMarinToy Chest&–Fifth Ave. Toys1000 Fifth Ave., Ste. 1, San Rafael. 415.451.4942.NapaThe Learning Faire1343 Main St., Napa. 707.253.1024.SonomaThe Toyworkswww.sonomatoyworks.comHonorable MentionEarth Child200 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.0940.Best Kid BookstoreMarinFirst Place TieSan Anselmo Booksmith615 San Anselmo Ave., San Anselmo. 415.459.7323.Book Passage51 Tamal Vista Blvd., Corte Madera. 415.927.0960.NapaCopperfield's Bookswww.copperfields.netSonomaCopperfield's Bookswww.copperfields.netHonorable MentionEarth Child200 S. Main St., Sebastopol. 707.824.0940.Best Baby Gift StoreMarinHeller's for...

Bohemian Best of Everyday 2008 Writer’s Picks

03.19.08Best David (and Mark) vs. Goliath storyFircrest Market is an independent family-run grocery store, owned for 14 years by the Hoffmans: twin brothers David (he runs the floor) and Mark (he runs the office), and their mother, Marge (she does the books). The prices are very often lower than other markets, the service is friendly, the owners are onsite...

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03.19.08Best Place to Test Drive ParenthoodFirst comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.In serious relationships, it's only a matter of time before you and your partner begin unwittingly auditioning for the role of parent to your future children. And there's no better place to start honing innate maternal/paternal instincts—or to explore the glaring...

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03.19.08Best Way to Slip a DiscThe thing about playing competitive sports after a certain age is this: You get hurt. Whether it's because you're a weekend warrior, another player haplessly bashes into you or you want your body to do things it can no longer do, it's going to happen. Hello, ice and ibuprofen. But there is one middle-age-and-beyond...

Devil-Sown Houses

03.19.08It's a familiar old saw, proponents of small-town rural tradition conflicting with those who feel times demand their town change, develop and expand. Development was precisely the reason why Ellen G. White moved the tiny Pacific Union College (PUC) out of a growing Healdsburg back in 1909, leading fellow Seventh Day Adventists to their new home in northeast Napa...
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