“As far as history goes and all of these quotes about people trying to guess what the history of the Bush administration is going to be, you know, I take great comfort in knowing that they don’t know what they are talking about, because history takes a long time for us to reach.”— George W. Bush, Fox News Sunday, Feb 10, 2008

I was kicking around in the city the other day hoping to jaw with my old friend Pete Bingo. Pete bills himself the “world’s greatest salesman/tour guide/ private eye,” and no doubt is. In fact, I’ll wager Pete Bingo is the world’s one and only  salesman/tour guide/private eye. Anyway, the two of us go back a long way, but rarely agree on anything.

I’d just scoured the results of a new survey published by George Mason University’s History News Network. One hundred and nine historians were queried about GW’s presidency. I looked forward to how Pete, an ardent and undying Bush supporter, would respond to the results. He promised to meet me at 9:30, but as per normal, was 40 minutes late.

When he finally arrived it took Pete 20 minutes to wade through, shake hands with and attempt to sell a briefcase full of worthless crap to potential “victims” before ascending the corner barstool with his name embossed on it. “They call me Fanny,” Pete told me for the ten thousandth time, “because I’m always behind. But as you know, my services are well worth waiting for. Barkeep, make it a double and keep ’em comin’. My dear friend here is more than good for them.”

I grimaced, but nodded, wasting no time going for my pound of flesh. “You’re a history buff, Pete. Take a look at this. One hundred and seven out of 109 professional historians rate Dubya’s presidency an abject failure!””Who cares? I don’t care. Do you care? Have you noticed? Nobody cares nowadays.””Sixty one percent of them say he’s the worst president of all time.””Everybody’s gotta be somethin’.””We’re talking about the guy you called the workingman’s friend, who you voted for twice, the guy who claims to be ‘The Decider’—you know, the leader of the so-called Free World.””Like I always say, he who hesitates is lost.””Pete, what the hell kind of idiotic response is that? We’re talking about the future of humanity here.””You and me, both.””Alright then, I’ll read you one historian’s survey response: ‘No individual president can compare to the second Bush,’ he says. ‘Glib, contemptuous, ignorant, incurious, a dupe of anyone who humors his deluded belief in his heroic self, he has bankrupted the country with his disastrous war and his tax breaks for the rich, trampled on the Bill of Rights, appointed foxes in every hen house, compounded the terrorist threat, turned a blind eye to torture and corruption and a looming ecological disaster, and squandered the rest of the world’s goodwill. In short, no other president’s faults have had so deleterious an effect on not only the country but the world at large.’ And, I might add—he’s a world class liar. So how do you respond to that?””Well, he may not tell the truth, but he does twist the facts.”

Pete was beginning to annoy me. “What’s with you? Are you so disassociated from reality you can’t see what’s stands plainly before you?””What’s with me? Well, I’ll tell ya, son. Someday they’re gonna write a book about me. Picture this—2,700 pages long. Four feet high. But no covers. Ya wanna know why? Cuz I got nothin’ ta hide. I say it all on the ass-end of my business cards. GTM—Get the Money!”

With that I slapped down a pair of 20-spots and made for the door. I could hear Pete’s foghorn voice, even over the dive din. He’d already cornered a new victim.”Why go elsewhere to be cheated?” Pete asked him. “See me first!”P. Joseph Potocki 

It may not have been very glamorous, but the old UA 5 on Mendocino Avenue for many years was Santa Rosa’s premier movie theater. From the first movie I ever saw there (Three Amigos, if memory serves) to the hog-wild, anarchistic Midnight Movies of 2001 (Blazing Saddles, A Clockwork Orange, I was always too drunk to remember any others), it seemed, to those of us who grew up in a certain era, that UA 5 would never, ever die. But in 2002 it finally did just that, closing its doors and leaving a sentimental collage of moviegoing memories in the dust.

But wait—hold the violins! Once again, the past is made present through YouTube. Behold Movie Juice, a documentary about the hopelessness of movie theater life, filmed on-site in 1997 at United Artists Cinema 5 in Santa Rosa. Ezra, the director, was a film student at SRJC at the time; this was one of his class projects. It’s insightful, it’s kinda sad, and it’s funny as hell.

Most of the theater employees from this documentary are still around. Dustin does horror makeup for movies. Trevor draws and publishes comics. Gerry sells records. Josh is a pop culture professor. Joe runs an upholstery shop.

None of them still work at a movie theater.

As you bloody well should know, Gov. Schwarzenegger’s budget proposal includes closing some 48 California parks this year to help offset the $6 billion deficit in part created by his refusal to close the yacht loophole or otherwise tax the very wealthy. Monday, April 7, marks Save Our State Parks day, an action day in which all who enjoy a dusty path, a big tree, the very ocean itself or a single fern are encouraged to mass upon Sacramento to signal protest.

Among the threatened parks is the Armstrong Redwoods SRA, a preserve in which most trees are 600 years old and which over a million folks visit each year. Freelance vlogger Travis Mathews of San Francisco submits his short documentary on Armstrong to remind us of why this very important resource is more than worthy of keeping open. Take the eight minutes or so to remember why. Mathews is available to do videos by request. Reach him at 415.730.2415 or travisdmathews[at]gmail.com.