Homework While Homeless

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It’s 11pm, and I’m hanging out in the parking lot next to a Burger King. That sounds weird, I know.

I’m taking two classes online, creative writing and Spanish, but I can’t focus very well in the library or Starbucks, and I don’t have my own room because I’m homeless. My writing teacher said, “Be specific,” so that’s what I’m doing.

I park in the same parking lot every Friday night for three or four hours. The wifi is free, and since I’m practically living in my car these days, it’s the best I can do.

I’m still looking for a room to rent, but after last month’s fires, more people are homeless than ever. Some landlords are jacking up their rents to take advantage of the situation. Just in time for the holidays.

The parking lot does have its perks. There are no gawkers at night. Why would they stare? Oh, I don’t know, maybe it’s the somewhat overwhelmed look of my older model station wagon, piles of clothes neatly color-coded (well, maybe not so neatly—let’s be real here) in the back seat and beyond. More piles of books, bags of whatever, my one-eyed Raggedy Andy doll from 1964. The piles give me a sense of order. I really appreciate the fact that here, under the bright parking-lot lights, sequestered within the relative calm and quiet of a near-empty lot, I can focus on my studies.

Now all I have to worry about is the stares of weird guys that start appearing at about 10pm. By “weird” I mean strange, as in frantically pacing back and forth with a blank stares, like they don’t even seem to notice that it’s weird to be pacing in front of my vehicle at 10 o’clock.

That’s when I wonder: What am I doing here, alone in my car, being circled by bad men in the late evening hours? I decide that as soon as I get my Spanish class test over with, I’m heading back to “ground zero” (that’s what I’ve named the 8-by-6-foot trailer I sleep in). But the test always takes a little longer than I think, so I feel vulnerable, sitting there alone in my car.

I know what you’re thinking: “What the heck are you doing alone in that parking lot at 11pm, woman?”

I ask myself the same thing each night.

Linda Darnall is a substitute teacher who lives on an apple farm in Sebastopol.

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the ‘Bohemian.’ We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 350 words considered for publication, write op*****@******an.com.

Letters to the Editor: November 14, 2017

Bad Faith

The Ken Burns/Lynn Novick documentary The Vietnam War is not required viewing (“Don’t Forget,” Open Mic, Oct. 4). Burns and Novick want viewers to believe the war “was started in good faith by decent men.” Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth.

The U.S. government and its mainstream media propagandists need to sanitize history in order to justify current and future wars. This is what PBS (the Petroleum Broadcasting Co.) is doing. It would be more accurate to peruse the Pentagon Papers, released by Daniel Ellsberg and Anthony J. Russo Jr. in 1971, documenting how the government knew it couldn’t win the war, yet killed 3.1 million people.

Also check out A Rumor of War (1977), in which Marine Lt. Philip Caputo describes “orgiastic violence” as “standard operating procedure . . . kill as many of them as possible . . . stack ’em like cordwood,” and Nick Turse’s 2013 book Kill Anything That Moves. The “endless slaughter” was “neither accidental nor unforeseeable,” but rather “the outcome of deliberate policies, dictated at the highest levels of the military.”

Also, the group Veterans for Peace, on their resource Vietnam Full Disclosure, comments: “Burns and Novick’s film . . . can be understood as a sophisticated exercise in empire denial.”

Santa Rosa


Insurance Assurances

I’ll tell you how the fires will affect insurance (“Fair Questions,” Oct. 25): about $400 a month, that’s how.

Via Facebook.com

Insurance is already too expensive and there are too many government-mandated coverage requirements like the two years worth of expenses for those displaced. What is that, two years of staying in a hotel plus some food allowance? There is also a built-in workers’ compensation insurance requirement for homeowners’ insurance, and don’t be surprised if the government gouges the insurance companies when billing for cleanup. Insurance that provides only minimal liability and rebuilding of burned structure should be available for those who want it in the interest of affordability.

Via Bohemian.com

Emergence

I am a fan of some of those building methods (Open Mic, Oct. 31). How would rammed earth fare in a fire? What about a living roof? Of course, we live in earthquake country too, and that has to be accommodated. The other aspect of this issue is, should we be living in the wildland/urban interface? That is why these fires are so catastrophic. Once people move into the woods, minor fires no longer occur, leaving the occasional huge fire to wipe everything away. Lets do some honest, creative thinking about these issues.

Via Bohemian.com

Write to us at le*****@******an.com.

Free Pot

On a Sunday morning in November, four vehicles from the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office climbed Old Cazadero Road. At the same time, a convoy of a U-Haul and three other vehicles descended the road. The passengers in the convoy—many of them medical marijuana patients—hoped to reach River Road before law enforcement intercepted them.

In the U-Haul that “Oaky” Joe Munson had rented explicitly for the occasion, he and his team had stashed 30 pounds of marijuana that they taken, or stolen or liberated (take your pick), from an illegal, unpermitted marijuana farm at the top of the ridge.

Several of Munson’s San Francisco patients who were suffering from AIDS had been unable to drive to Sonoma. But they still wanted their medicine.

No doubt California’s marijuana czar, Lori Ajax, would like Munson to disappear from the cannabis landscape, not only because he has taken the law into his hands, but also because he boasts about it. In his mid-50s and a ball of energy, he probably has years ahead of him.

Munson and his crew didn’t make it to River Road before the deputies. For two hours, there was a standoff in the woods while the sergeant and his deputies asked questions, examined IDs and wrote down names, addresses and phone numbers.

The entire escapade was the brainchild of Munson himself. A longtime marijuana grower, friend to medical-marijuana patients and a legend in outlaw circles—as well as a husband and father—he wanted what he insisted was rightfully his. He had a verbal agreement, he said, to grow marijuana with his business partners. In return for his efforts, he would receive a percentage of the crop.

Strictly old-school, with old-school methods, he would not likely survive in the brave new world of legal adult use of marijuana, but he was still riding high that Sunday.

During the previous summer, Munson had run afoul of his partners, or they’d run afoul of him. In any case, he was thrown off the property, told never to return and informed that he had no legitimate claim to any of the marijuana he’d helped cultivate.

Munson consulted with Victoria Shanahan, one of several lawyers who have represented him and who recommended that he not “raid” the farm. She reminded him that he might be arrested for trespassing. Munson went ahead anyway. It took him a couple of weeks, but he recruited Sonoma County marijuana cultivation maven Alexander Carpenter, along with two beefy friends and half a dozen medical-marijuana patients. Then he led his convoy up Old Guerneville Road and into the woods.

“We’re not taking any guns or weapons with us,” Munson explained to one and all. “If they start something, we’re going to leave.”

Everyone, including the beefy fellows, agreed. But when Munson and his crew arrived at the primitive encampment in the woods and began to remove containers filled with marijuana—and load them into the U-Haul—there was an altercation. Words were exchanged and someone threatened to kill Munson.

Munson had invited me along for the ride and urged me to write a story about what Carpenter would call “the afternoon adventure.” I scribbled madly in my notebook and at the same time witnessed the altercation, though I was too far away to determine who started it. Then it was time to beat a retreat.

On the way downhill, I sat in the U-Haul with Munson and Carpenter, a self-defined “expert cannabis consultant,” who had come to observe the event and stay detached, though he didn’t entirely succeed. When the altercation began, he emerged from the U-Haul and drew close to the action.

Munson, Carpenter and I assumed that the police would be waiting for us near the bottom of the road.

“I’d rather that the sheriff have the weed than those thieves,” Munson said. He added, “They didn’t hide the crop like I told them to. They made it easy for me to take what rightfully belonged to me.”

The first sheriff deputy on the scene blocked the road with his vehicle and approached Munson, who must have looked like the ringmaster.

“What’s going on?” the officer asked in a nonthreatening tone of voice. He explained that he was responding to a 911 call about the theft of a computer.

Munson explained that he had come to collect a debt that was owed him, and that no one had taken a computer. Then he voluntarily opened the U-Haul and said that the containers were filled with marijuana destined for patients. The officer nodded his head and said that if it were medical marijuana, it would presumably be given away and therefore didn’t have any cash value. He implied that no one would be arrested.

When I showed my media credentials and asked the commanding officer if he would be willing to answer questions, he replied, “I’m not giving a press conference.”

Then he went up hill to investigate, leaving Munson and his crew under the supervision of two young officers.

“Stuff like this happens all the time,” one of the sergeants said.

“It’s a common occurrence,” said another.

“I voted to legalize weed,” said another deputy. “I hope some day it’s in the same boat as tobacco and alcohol.”

When Munson said that his marijuana business was “farm to patient,” a deputy smiled and said, “That’s the way to do it.”

One of the medical-marijuana patients asked how he thought the matter would be resolved.

“I’m not sure,” said the sergeant. “My commanding officer has a lot of leeway and there’s a huge gray area.”

He added, “It’s hard to know what’s legal and what’s illegal these days.”

Not surprisingly, it didn’t look like a huge gray area or illegal to J.P., a medical-marijuana patient who had survived cancer. Nor did it seem like a gray area to the three women—Denise Lindquist, Helen Starling and Rene Bullock—who stood close together the whole time and who told the officers they just wanted their medicine. Lindquist has MS and breast cancer.

“The biggest thing in my life has been medical cannabis,” she explained. “Experimenting with strains has been an ongoing process. I am getting closer to the right cocktail that will help me have a better quality of life. Joe Munson has been helping me.”

Helen Starling has cancer of the uterus. Rene Bullock has cancer and brain lesions. All of them, including J.P., who had survived stage 3B melanoma, insisted that marijuana reduced their pain.

“Medical marijuana helped me get off opioids,” J.P. said. “Pot also helped me through my angst-ridden teen years.”

After an hour or so, the commanding officer returned with the names and the contact information for the growers on the ridge. Then he told Munson and the crewmembers they were free to go with the marijuana. Apparently, no one on the ridge was willing to file a complaint.

“You took the law into your own hands,” a patient told Munson. He nodded his head and said, “Maybe so, but the whole point was to get the marijuana to those who need it.”

Munson climbed behind the wheel of the U-Haul. The convoy moved out and the deputies moved on.

“Times have changed,” Munson said. “Five years ago this never would have happened.”

Carpenter said, “The police think of themselves as heroes fighting crime. It would not have looked good on their record if they had arrested some old ladies who have cancer and who use marijuana as medicine.”

At the end of the day, no one had been arrested and the crop had not been confiscated. Munson’s law prevailed and Munson’s patients received their medicine.

Jonah Raskin is the author of ‘Marijuanaland: Dispatches from an American War.’

Alt Turkey

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As the days get short and blustery and we dig in for the holidays, I find myself pondering the Tofurky, and how we got here. Tofurky was designed to resemble a baked stuffed turkey with gravy—and it would, if a stuffed turkey resembled a plant-based cheese combo.

Most vegetarians I know are confident enough in their vegetarianism that they don’t feel the need to go through the motions of ritually eating the roast beast. In my experience, the vegetarians and vegans are often the best cooks in the room. If the cook is allowed to use bacon and butter, anything can taste good, but to satisfy an omnivorous body with herbivorous cooking is a trickier feat.

I’m in the camp that believes what vegetarians really want is vegetables. So I say cook vegetables that look and taste
like what they are, rather than
like a carcass.

Here are two recipes that will satisfy all of the vegetarians at your table, providing you make enough.

One, roasted roots, is as old as autumn. The other tastes like bacon. After all, vegetarians miss turkey once or twice a year, but they miss bacon every day.

My roasted roots technique is based on the potato, but several more roots can be added, such as carrots, celeriac, parsnip or yellow beets (red beets will make the whole batch look like it’s drenched in blood). Dense, greasy fingerling potatoes are my favorite.

Cut all the roots into similar-sized chunks so they cook at the same pace, and toss them in olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder. If you want to add herbs, like thyme, rosemary or sage, do it. Spread the roots on a baking tray and bake at 350 until they are done—about an hour depending on how thinly they are sliced, stirring every 15 minutes. When the roots are done, add grated or pressed garlic while still hot, stir one final time, and cool.

And here is how to make tofu taste like bacon: cook it with bacon. Then remove the bits. Watch your vegetarian friends melt in a vat of ignorant bliss.

But if that is too edgy for you, here is a way to get that tofu close enough to bacon that your guests will insist they need to take another bite, and another, before they can decide if it really does taste like bacon.

Cut a brick of extra-firm tofu into half-inch cubes, but do it sloppily, so that the pieces are uneven, with thick and thin parts, and add them to a pan on low heat, with about two tablespoons of olive oil per pound of tofu. Cook slowly, stirring as the water cooks off, and a layer of brown builds on the flat sides of the increasingly dense, crisping pieces. If the olive oil cooks off, add more. Add a few large chunks from a single onion layer along with a clove of garlic cut in half.

As the brown approaches irresistibility on all sides, sprinkle salt, pepper, garlic powder and paprika. Add a teaspoon of honey per pound of tofu—or more, to taste—and soy sauce to taste.

Don’t worry about what to serve with it. Like bacon, these tofu bits can go on anything, from roasted roots to salad to a vegetable side dish.

And if they beg for your secret, tell them it’s bacon grease.

Still Standing

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Threatened by the recent Nun’s fire, but left relatively untouched, Jack London State Historic Park in Glen Ellen is one of Sonoma Valley’s few spots spared by the disaster.

To mark the park’s good fortune, officials are opening it to the public for free through the rest of the year. Admission fees and parking usually run between $10 and $20, though visitors can now explore the 1,400-acre area that famed author Jack London called home over a hundred years ago and enjoy the park’s resumed schedule of walks and events gratis.

This Saturday, Nov. 18, the park hosts its weekly Saturday hike, led by an experienced naturalist. Nov. 18 also marks the annual Jack London Memorial, located at the author’s gravesite within the park. Both events begin at 10am, with no reservations required.

On Friday, Nov. 24, the park celebrates another long-standing tradition with the annual post-Thanksgiving Turkey Waddle, offering the public a chance to walk off the stuffing among the park’s ancient redwoods.

The park has also rescheduled its previously canceled Mindful Walk on Saturday, Dec. 9, that combines hiking and meditation for a day of emotional and mental healing. All these events are free, including parking.

Jack London State Park, 2400 London Ranch Road, Glen Ellen. 707.938.5216.

Sip and Shop

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If you’ve come here for council about poultry and wine, I’ve got this: pick up one bottle of Pinot Noir and one Chardonnay, and make sure they’re made by our Sonoma and Napa County neighbors.

Now, get out—out of the crowded house, that is, and tool around wine country for a few hours this Thanksgiving weekend, if not to pick up a few gifts, then to just take in the autumn air and feel the glow from a sip of wine—or perhaps glögg—and leave others to jostle joylessly in aisles of retail.

Sonoma Valley

Can’t wait? Get a head start on the holiday at Three Sticks Wines #SonomaStrong Holiday Market, Sunday, Nov. 19, noon–4pm. Originally planned as a members-only event, #DestinationDurell was remade as a crafts and gift market and is open to the community for a $20 fee, which goes to CAWineStrong fire relief and gets you wine and a raffle ticket. Never mind those hashtags—you don’t need to be logged in to drop by at the old Vallejo-Casteñada Adobe, one of the last from the 1821–1846 Mexican Period and a visual-furnishings feast on the inside. Look for treats and trinkets from Wine Country Chocolates, Sethi Couture Jewelry, BRAM Cookware, Pottery by Nicole, Love Sonoma Boutique and more—maybe splurge on sumptuous Pinot Noir and Chardonnay for your holiday dinner, too. 725 Broadway, Sonoma.

Twenty-one members of the Heart of Sonoma Valley Winery Association—from Glen Ellen’s Madrone Estate to the Ledson “castle” near Oakmont—hold their annual Holiday Open House Nov. 25–26. Not all offer food pairings, but it’s a good deal for tasting at multiple wineries. $45 advance; $55 door. 11am–4pm. No-drinkie driver discount. heartofsonomavalley.com.

Dry Creek Valley

DaVero Farms & Winery’s day-after Thanksgiving celebration on Friday, Nov. 24, is a casual party welcoming all ages, and nice dogs on a leash, to meander around their extensive biodynamic garden and visit the popular pig pen. Gift ideas include estate olive oil and wine duos; eats made possible by Franchetti’s mobile wood-fired pizza ovens. $10 donation and proceeds from Pollo Rosso jug wine sales support UndocuFund, a nonprofit aiding fire-affected families not eligible for federal assistance. 11am–4pm.

Get your glögg on at West Wines’ Scandinavian Christmas-style open house, Nov. 24–26, and enjoy hot, spiced wine and cookies while perusing Swedish Christmas decorations and glassware.
1000 Dry Creek Road, Healdsburg.

Alexander Valley

All six wineries participating in Black Friday Open House offer small bites with their Alexander Valley wines, plus a raffle, gifts and wine discounts. Nov. 24, 11am–4pm. $35; $40.

Napa Valley

The “Brightest Town in Napa Valley” actually requires tasting rooms to devote space to retail, so you know there’s shopping galore in Yountville. “Holidays in Yountville” turns on the lights Nov. 20.

Nov. 9: Eco Noir in Sonoma

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Prolific North Bay author and frequent Bohemian contributor Jonah Raskin is best known for his poetry and books on cannabis and Jack London. Now Raskin makes a hard-boiled foray into the world of crime fiction with his latest novel, a self-described eco-noir thriller, ‘Dark Land, Dark Mirror.’ Following the female private eye Tioga Vignetta, the murder mystery is set in the wine country and casts ominous shadows across the Golden State. Raskin reads from Dark Land, Dark Mirror with a book launch on Thursday, Nov. 9, at Readers’ Books, 130 E. Napa St., Sonoma. 7pm. Free admission. 707.939.1779.

Nov. 11: Feast On This in Yountville

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Long before Julia Child became a celebrity chef, she and her husband Paul Child lived in Paris, Marseille and the French countryside after WWII. This week, Napa Valley Museum presents a world-premiere exhibit, ‘France Is a Feast,’ that features rarely seen black-and-white photographs taken by Paul Child in France between 1948 and 1954. Inspired by the new book of the same name, this art show also features an audio tour to deepen the experience. France Is a Feast authors Alex Prud’homme and Katie Pratt will be on hand for an opening reception on Saturday, Nov. 11, 55 Presidents Circle, Yountville. 5pm. $20. 707.944.0500.

Nov. 11: Big & Slim in Petaluma

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Aside from their juxtaposing monikers, bluesmen Big Jon Atkinson and Coyote Slim are a musical match made in the Delta. From Southern California, Atkinson is an accomplished harmonica player, singer and blues songwriter who performs solo and with his band Big Jon & the Nationals. Sonoma County native Coyote Slim is similarly gifted, playing guitar and singing with an authentic blues sound. The two players take the stage this weekend for a spirited show, and Coyote Slim is donating any album sales to Sonoma County fire victims on Saturday, Nov. 11, at the Big Easy, 128 American Alley, Petaluma. 707.776.7163. Doors at 6:30pm. $5. Full dinner menu available with reservations. 707.776.7163.

Nov. 12: Still Harvesting in Healdsburg

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Downtown Healdsburg’s Spoonbar hosts its annual Harvest Dinner this weekend to show that Sonoma County’s bounty is still as strong as ever. Spoonbar chefs Casey and Patrick Van Voorhis, along with Red Bird Bakery, offer a three-course family-style feast paired with Preston Family Farm wines. The dinner will feature seasonal favorites like ash-roasted beets and winter citrus to start, heirloom squash and roast hen for the main course, and pumpkin cake and ginger-poached pears for dessert. Corkage fees are waived for this communal event, and diners are welcome to bring their own wine on Sunday, Nov. 12, to Spoonbar, 219 Healdsburg Ave., Healdsburg. 6pm. $68. 707.433.7222.

Homework While Homeless

It's 11pm, and I'm hanging out in the parking lot next to a Burger King. That sounds weird, I know. I'm taking two classes online, creative writing and Spanish, but I can't focus very well in the library or Starbucks, and I don't have my own room because I'm homeless. My writing teacher said, "Be specific," so that's what I'm...

Letters to the Editor: November 14, 2017

Bad Faith The Ken Burns/Lynn Novick documentary The Vietnam War is not required viewing ("Don't Forget," Open Mic, Oct. 4). Burns and Novick want viewers to believe the war "was started in good faith by decent men." Ha! Nothing could be further from the truth. The U.S. government and its mainstream media propagandists need to sanitize history in order to justify...

Free Pot

On a Sunday morning in November, four vehicles from the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office climbed Old Cazadero Road. At the same time, a convoy of a U-Haul and three other vehicles descended the road. The passengers in the convoy—many of them medical marijuana patients—hoped to reach River Road before law enforcement intercepted them. In the U-Haul that “Oaky” Joe Munson...

Alt Turkey

As the days get short and blustery and we dig in for the holidays, I find myself pondering the Tofurky, and how we got here. Tofurky was designed to resemble a baked stuffed turkey with gravy—and it would, if a stuffed turkey resembled a plant-based cheese combo. Most vegetarians I know are confident enough in their vegetarianism that they don't...

Still Standing

Threatened by the recent Nun's fire, but left relatively untouched, Jack London State Historic Park in Glen Ellen is one of Sonoma Valley's few spots spared by the disaster. To mark the park's good fortune, officials are opening it to the public for free through the rest of the year. Admission fees and parking usually run between $10 and $20,...

Sip and Shop

If you've come here for council about poultry and wine, I've got this: pick up one bottle of Pinot Noir and one Chardonnay, and make sure they're made by our Sonoma and Napa County neighbors. Now, get out—out of the crowded house, that is, and tool around wine country for a few hours this Thanksgiving weekend, if not to pick...

Nov. 9: Eco Noir in Sonoma

Prolific North Bay author and frequent Bohemian contributor Jonah Raskin is best known for his poetry and books on cannabis and Jack London. Now Raskin makes a hard-boiled foray into the world of crime fiction with his latest novel, a self-described eco-noir thriller, ‘Dark Land, Dark Mirror.’ Following the female private eye Tioga Vignetta, the murder mystery is...

Nov. 11: Feast On This in Yountville

Long before Julia Child became a celebrity chef, she and her husband Paul Child lived in Paris, Marseille and the French countryside after WWII. This week, Napa Valley Museum presents a world-premiere exhibit, ‘France Is a Feast,’ that features rarely seen black-and-white photographs taken by Paul Child in France between 1948 and 1954. Inspired by the new book of...

Nov. 11: Big & Slim in Petaluma

Aside from their juxtaposing monikers, bluesmen Big Jon Atkinson and Coyote Slim are a musical match made in the Delta. From Southern California, Atkinson is an accomplished harmonica player, singer and blues songwriter who performs solo and with his band Big Jon & the Nationals. Sonoma County native Coyote Slim is similarly gifted, playing guitar and singing with an...

Nov. 12: Still Harvesting in Healdsburg

Downtown Healdsburg’s Spoonbar hosts its annual Harvest Dinner this weekend to show that Sonoma County’s bounty is still as strong as ever. Spoonbar chefs Casey and Patrick Van Voorhis, along with Red Bird Bakery, offer a three-course family-style feast paired with Preston Family Farm wines. The dinner will feature seasonal favorites like ash-roasted beets and winter citrus to start,...
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