Tres Estrellas

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It wasn’t an April Fool’s prank when news leaked that the restaurant Hurley’s would shutter after 16 successful years in business.

Well-known as one of the top restaurants in the heart of Napa Valley’s multi-Michelin-starred city of Yountville, the top-tier ranking was no small achievement in a destination dotted with greats: the French Laundry, Bouchon, Ad Hoc, Bistro Jeanty, Bottega, and the latest opening of the crystal-covered palatial-designed RH, aka Restoration Hardware.

Eyebrows were raised at the subsequent announcement of a Mexican restaurant opening in Hurley’s former space, and by the fact that it would be operated by celebrity chef Thomas Keller. Keller already operates three restaurants and a bakery within the 1.5 mile radius of Yountville. With the opening of Keller’s fourth restaurant, La Calenda, the allure of this culinary utopia escalates yet another notch.

In a winter drizzle, I took my place under a portico crammed with a hopeful group whose goal was to score the first seating once doors opened at 5pm. Arrive later and you’ll leave your name with the hostess and return in a while, instead of waiting outside. If diners opt to wait, there are tables inside at the bar or outside on a covered patio, where drinks aplenty are served.

Atypical of Keller’s French cooking, La Calenda is a Oaxaca-inspired restaurant with a reasonably priced menu and a no-reservation system. It also has a sports bar with a playlist of club music (not this grownup’s fave), the better to attract millennials.

The restaurant’s interior showcases carved Oaxaca wood chairs, artwork and ceramic tableware to complement its all-Oaxacan menu. The paper menu lists eight antojitos (appetizers) that include quesadillas al pastor with pineapple and Chihuahua cheese, and shrimp cocktail. There’s also that Mexican staple, a bowl of addictive house-made tortilla chips, spicy guacamole, a ceramic bowl of salsa verde and another of salsa mixe ($13).

My dining companion sipped on a specialty margarita while I sipped on a non-alcoholic version (in order to adhere to my self-imposed “dry” January detox program). We took our time with the menu and decided to share several small plates, beginning with the charred butternut squash tamale ($6), cooked in an avocado leaf and served with spicy black bean salsa. Our server entered our order on a handheld POS device.

Amazingly, in the midst of ordering our next plate, tacos de pollo pibil ($11), with sour orange and pickled onions on grilled chicken, our squash tamale arrived, steaming hot from the kitchen. That was fast! We continued to order amid the distraction of our hunger for the tamale, which tasted a bit bland until we scooped it on a tortilla chip.

My favorite dish was a duo of lightly fried red snapper tacos ($13) with chipotle mayonnaise and cabbage. I’d order this again on my next visit and skip the overly spicy enchiladas verde ($14) with Swiss chard. True to form, Keller reconstructs the enchilada with a green pepper sauce over a thin, blue-corn tortilla wrap with Swiss chard inside.

I might also return to order the chicken in stone-ground mole negro ($22) after requesting and receiving a sample taste of this unique Oaxacan specialty, with its velvety texture and chocolatey essence. According to one server, there are 25 ingredients that comprise this dark and savory sauce; another server swore it contained 30 ingredients. Divine, nonetheless.

Dessert is a must, so be sure to save room. The French Laundry’s pastry chef makes the desserts for La Calenda, and priced at $9 each, you’re getting a bargain. The silkiness of the flan put all previous versions to shame, and an order of petite churros transformed this fairground treat into an elegant wand to swipe a dollop of perfect consistency that attends the dulce de leche.

At the close of our Oaxacan culinary adventure, the server completed our transaction using that same mobile POS device to spit out the bill and swipe my credit card. I was elated to experience a Thomas Keller restaurant—and without breaking the bank.

La Calenda, 6518 Washington St., Yountville. lacalendamex.com.

Guitar Guide

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For Sean Carscadden, Sonoma County songwriter and producer, music has been a constant throughout every stage of his life. He stumbled into his musical passion at a young age, when he started taking guitar lessons. His teacher later offered him the opportunity to continue his lessons at a music camp put on at the Sonoma Community Center.

After passing the cut-off age for the camp, Carscadden started working as an assistant at 15. “My teacher knew how much I loved going to the camp, so he let me help out,” Carscadden says. “But he got really busy, so I just jumped in and began teaching some of the music lessons.” Carscadden now returns to the Community Center to teach classes again—this time with some more professional experience under his belt.

Carscadden will be teaching an introductory class to fingerstyle guitar technique and a beginning ukulele class, with a focus on Beatles songs. Why the Beatles and why the ukulele? They are “ubiquitous and popular, not to mention fun,” Carscadden says. Fingerstyle is also a prominent technique for guitarists, a style of plucking guitar strings that lends itself to the twangy characteristic of bluegrass music that Carscadden often uses when playing his own music.

These classes are something of a welcome-home present Carscadden is bestowing upon Sonoma County. Carscadden traded in sunshine for rain in 2017, following his then-girlfriend to Portland, Ore.

“Picking up and starting over anywhere is hard,” Carscadden says. He is excited to be back in his hometown to continue working on his two main projects, Miss Lonely Hearts and the Sean Carscadden Trio.

As for his next big musical endeavor, Carscadden is recording a new album he expects to release later this year in addition to teaching music classes, running Delta Records and playing gigs.

“Every once in a while, you start getting a little burned out, but then you remind yourself this is what you’d love to with your free time anyway,” he says. “It is easy to remind myself of how lucky I am.”

Top Torn Tickets

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It’s said that musicals are the bread and butter of community theater, so here’s a list of the North Bay productions I toasted this past year, my Top Torn Tickets of 2018: Part Two, the Musicals (in alphabetical order).

‘Always, Patsy Cline . . .’
(Sonoma Arts Live) Danielle DeBow’s Patsy was as heartbreaking as Karen Pinomaki’s Louise was amusing in director Michael Ross’ labor of love. Excellent costume
and set design work (also by Ross) along with outstanding live
music accompaniment under the direction of Ellen Patterson made this a memorable evening of
musical theater.

‘A Chorus Line’ (Novato Theater Company) Few small theater companies would take the risk of producing a vehicle that requires triple-threat performers in most roles. Director Marilyn Izdebksi’s decades of experience in dance and choreography and terrific casting were key to this production’s success.

‘Hands on a Hardbody’ (Lucky Penny) The perfect-sized musical for the Napa company’s small space, there wasn’t much room for anything else once they got the pickup truck that’s central to the story onstage. Director Taylor Bartolucci and choreographer Staci Arriaga had just enough room for a nice, diverse cast to beautifully tell the atypical story.

‘I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change’ (Raven Players) The cavernous Raven Theatre in Healdsburg was converted into a quaint black-box space where director Diane Bailey let loose four talented performers to tell musical stories about the arc of human relationships. It worked really well.

‘Illyria’ (6th Street Playhouse) Shakespeare. Ugh. A Shakespeare musical? Groan. A really entertaining musical production based on Twelfth Night? Surprising! Director Craig Miller’s swan song was a clever adaptation of the Bard’s comedy, which combined excellent vocal talents and the musical direction of Lucas Sherman to produce the best sounding show I’d seen at 6th Street in a long time.

‘Peter Pan’ (Spreckels Theatre Company) There’s no better stage in the North Bay on which to see a large-scale musical than the Nellie Codding Theatre at Spreckels. Flying around on wires is so much more impressive in a 550-seat theater, and Sarah Wintermeyer’s winsome performance as Peter was good enough for me to set aside my long-standing beef with always casting a female in the role.

‘Scrooge in Love!’ (Lucky Penny) A fairly new play (this was only its third production) that’s good enough to become a Christmas standard. A great lead performance from Brian Herndon was supported by a top-notch ensemble in this reverential continuation of the Dickens classic.

The Leviathan

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Josh Churchman is a West Marin resident who runs his small commercial fishing boats out of the Bolinas Lagoon and Bodega Bay in Sonoma County. He’s 67 and has been fishing his whole life. ‘The Whale That Lit the World’ (Hidden City Press; $12) is his first book. Here are some excerpts.

The Fishing Disease

. . . To this day, whenever I see a new body of water, I wonder what kind of fish might be living in it. I wonder what I could use to catch some of them. My mom taught me not to keep fish I wasn’t planning to eat, but she didn’t kill my love of fish or fishing.

Fishermen are a strange breed of people. It is almost like we have some kind of ancient disease. The disease is strikingly different for each individual it infects. For some it is a freshwater disease that takes a fisherman to rivers and lakes. For others, it involves an ocean.

The disease may come on suddenly, later in life, or it may be present at birth and follow the fisherman to his grave. Some people have it strong in their life, and then it just vanishes. Some people can be cured, but not very many.

Of all the diseases mankind faces in this world, it is far from the worst affliction someone could encounter. Water is most of what we are, and what is a fish if it is not all about the water? Wondering what lives in that water, and how to catch it, defines a fisherman. Turning it all into a profession is just one of the more advanced symptoms of a deeply infected individual.

People who love to fish dream of finding a really good spot and having it to themselves. Secrecy is just one of the many idiosyncrasies that go along with living with the disease. A close friend will ask you where you caught those fish, and your gut instinct will be to evade without really lying, to minimize and deflect an open, honest answer.

It has been said that ninety percent of the fish are caught by ten percent of the fishermen. I do believe that this is true. However, the ten percent is never the same ten percent year after year. Some guys get hot, and then they are not. Some people improve with age, and some do not.

People will say fishing is all about luck, but luck is such an elusive creature. Bad luck is just as common as good luck.

If you are lucky enough to find an exceptional spot, you would be a fool to show it to very many people. An older frustrated fisherman once told me, “What takes years to learn takes minutes to copy.” He was surrounded by other boats.

For the past thirty years, I have been a very lucky fisherman. I didn’t feel particularly lucky at the time, but in hindsight, I was living the “good old days” and did not recognize it for what it truly was. I had a lot of fun making money catching fish. Having fun and making money do not combine very often.

Fishing is a hard way to make a living, or it can be a way to not make a living. Fishing can put you in some of the most beautiful surroundings this world has to offer, or it can put you in places that are so dangerous that you have to be lucky to survive. . . .

The Cordell Bank

Cordell Bank, located fifty miles west of San Francisco, is part of an underwater mountain range that sits perched on the edge of the continental shelf. The top of the bank lies 120 feet from the surface. A mile west of that high spot, it drops off the continental shelf to six thousand feet deep.

Eleven thousand years ago, the Cordell Bank was oceanfront property. Sea levels have risen 340 feet since then. The Golden Gate Bridge would have been built over an immense river rather than ocean. This ancient river system mave have helped carve the deep Bodega Canyon that bends around the western edge of the Cordell Bank.

Mysterious things live around the Cordell. It is not only fish and birds and whales and dolphins that like this spot. Drifting in a boat, with the engines off, there are shadows under the surface that can’t be clearly seen. More creatures live here than any other place I have ever been. You can’t see what the shadows are, but they are certainly felt in your sensory soul.

I often feel I am being watched when I fish the bank, watched by intelligent life forms that are curious about me and why I am there. I sense their demand for a certain amount of respect. I am a visitor, not a local boy.

It would be ridiculous to try to pretend that these feelings do not exist. It is as though the spot is sacred and protected by the guardians of the deep. I have seen white sharks here that rival, in size, the model they used in the movie Jaws. I have seen several blue whales that might have set world records for size. Eighty or one hundred feet long and weighing two hundred tons each. I saw a white sperm whale at the bank that could have been related to Moby Dick. It is the creatures I haven’t seen that scare me the most.

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Part of me knows that there are not “mysterious creatures” that lurk in the deep waters, eluding human contact. Part of me hopes there are unseen and intelligent creatures that have avoided human contact. This is another example of a dialectic born at sea: It is a big ocean, and we haven’t seen all there is to see.

One thing is for sure, there are creatures out there that can and will eat you. There are whales so big that a flick of their tail would sink my little boat. . . .

Call Me Fishmael

The first sperm whale I ever saw was also my first white whale spotting. It was one of those “unforgettable” moments. Somehow or somewhere I had placed the existence of a white whale in the “mythical” category. Not true or impossible, just unlikely.

It was in the late 1970s, when my boat was still fairly new. I had been venturing farther and farther out looking for new spots to fish. . . .

It was one of those clear calm days that do not happen many times during a year of fishing. We had traveled far from shore, and we kept on going further out because the fish would not bite our hooks in all the usual spots.

By early afternoon, we were so far out that the curve of the Earth masked the land thirty miles away. We had finally reached a place we call the Buffalo Grounds. It was one of my secret spots located twelve miles west of the Farallon Islands and twenty miles short of the Cordell Bank, along the edge of the continental shelf, due west from San Francisco.

This particular spot was once a well-kept secret and an oasis of life on most days. This was not one of those oasis days. The fish were not in the mood to bite our hooks, no matter where we went.

There are very few places left in any of the great oceans that man has not plundered. The Buffalo Grounds are not “virgin” by any stretch of the imagination, but by virtue of its remote location and unique topography it remains one of the “secret spots” to this day. It does not appear on any chart.

If you are going to bump into something unusual in the ocean, it will probably be at a spot like the Buffalo Grounds. It may be a secret spot to mankind, but the creatures who live in the area know all about it.

On this day, and on most of the days I spend at sea, I was with my friend Kenny. We have fished together for many years, and we have seen a wide variety of marine life in our travels together. Whales and dolphins had always been a highlight for us on any trip offshore.

The whale first surfaced a mile or so to the west of us, took a few breaths of air or “blows,” then disappeared. It was a white whale, and I remember feeling excited that there actually were white whales after all. We had no idea what kind of whale it was, but we agree it had been large and it was white.

This was a lonely day for our little boat. We had not seen another vessel all day long. No other boats, no dolphins, not many fish, and no other whales; we were thirty miles from the nearest land in a homemade boat. Naturally we were elated to see the first whale, and it was a white one. Things were looking up.

The most famous whale of all time was a white sperm whale like this one. The whale haunted the very soul of another fisherman named Captain Ahab. In the story of Moby Dick, Herman Melville had the whale eventually sinking Ahab’s ship, killing all but one, Ishmael, who lived to tell the tale. But that was just a story, and this was real. . . .

We were drifting with the motors off, quiet and peaceful. The view from the deck of a boat that is out past the sight of land is a bit unnerving. All directions are as one, the rolling swells being the only constant reference. The swells passing under the boat are like waves of thought drifting through your mind. At first you see a pattern to both the thoughts and the swell, but patterns shift and uncertainty replaces certainty. Without a compass to guide us home, we would surely circle back upon ourselves, hopelessly lost.

Watching for whales is a game of patience. Looking out, you see nothing but sky and water when the whale is down. When they do come up for a breath, it is not for long. They blow out, then take air in, and they are gone again. You can usually tell which direction they are traveling, but that is about all you get.

A few minutes later, it resurfaced a half mile away. It was actually more tan than pure white upon closer inspection. When we first saw it, the whale was heading west-south-west on its way to sunny Hawaii. Now it had changed course. Apparently, this whale had echo-located our little boat. We were the only boat in this vast expanse of the sea and somehow this whale figured out we were there. Instead of heading in the direction of Hawaii, it was now heading right for us. We were going to be checked out. . . .

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At a quarter mile, Kenny and I could both agree that this was our first sperm whale. The narrow head, the wrinkled skin, the forward slant to its blow, it had all the defining characteristics that distinguish this whale from the rest. It was quite a sight to see it glowing, tannish-white under the surface of the clear blue green of the Pacific.

Kenny is a very patient man. He is tall, has dark hair and eyes, and he can fix anything anywhere at any time. We have fished together for over twenty years and in all that time I have only seen him truly alarmed once. This was not that one time, but it was close.

At three hundred yards, it was clear that we were in this whale’s way. It became vividly clear that the size of the whale had increased as the distance between us decreased. We saw that our boat was less than half the size of the whale. Interest had turned to amazement, amazement had turned to alarm. Obviously one of us had to move out of the other’s way.

Banging on the side of the boat with our wooden gaffs and yelling at the whale seem like dumb things in retrospect, but so many things we do in life seem dumb when we have had time to think them over. All of this is happening faster than I can tell the story, so there was little time for reflective thinking. Both of us stood there banging on the boat and yelling at that big old white sperm whale as he advanced upon us. The whale was not impressed.

At fifty yards, I had a wave of inspiration. Start my motors and prepare for evasive action. My homemade boat is equipped with two powerful outboard motors, and it can literally jump to twenty miles an hour when we are not loaded down with fish. The problem was the fact that our fishing lines were still down and they both had fish on them, and the water was six hundred feet deep. There was no time to reel in the lines.

The thought of cutting off my rigs never even entered my mind. I don’t think either of us was concerned for our safety; we were just stunned and amazed. Of all the whales over all the years, not one had ever tried to ram the boat.

At twenty yards, the size and majesty of our white whale was very impressive, and the memory has remained clear over the years. The glow of its huge near-white body a few feet under the surface of the sea, no more than twenty yards away, was beauty with a twist.

This was a real sea monster. Everything about this whale exuded power. Fearless is an understatement. This whale had no rivals, and it knew it. One slap from this whale’s tail would crush my boat and kill us both.

I put the boat in gear and moved out of its way. The whale never turned. It passed the spot where we had been just moments before and began a slow descent into the depths. The glow of its powerful body gradually diminished, and finally faded away. We never saw it again.

Squid Vicious

I think I do need sea monsters to believe in. Somewhere in our psyche, there may be the hope, and the fear, that there is life on this planet that is smart and dangerous and elusive, and we haven’t seen it yet.

The giant squid is the ultimate lurker. It will see you long before you will see it. I am so glad there is a creature like this, and at the same time, I hope I never see one from the deck of my little boat.

It is a sign of intelligence for the squid to have avoided contact with humans? Or is it simply the fact that the squid live in an area that is difficult for humans to visit? Is it a conscious choice or pure luck that they have eluded mankind for hundreds of years?

Does the whale eat the giant squid, or does the squid eat the whale? Most squid swim in packs. Do giant squid swim in packs, too? Could a whale defend itself against a group of thirty giant squid?

One solitary giant squid is one thing; a school of them is an entirely different scenario. Would the mighty sperm whale stand a chance against [a] pack of two hundred hungry squid? The whale is on a time schedule, and the squid is not. At the end of a dive, the whale needs air, and this is when I would attack a whale if I were a squid. If we can just keep him from reaching the surface, he will weaken quickly.

If squid only live four or five years, how do they get enough food to grow to be fifty feet long? Eating a whale would help. Squid have a system that literally grinds up the food they eat before it reaches their stomach. This makes it very hard to analyze the stomach contents. Nobody really knows what the squid are eating. No scientists have ever seen a squid capture a whale, and they probably never will. Does this mean it never happens?

American Hazmat

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North Bay U.S. Congressman Jared Huffman says that by the time the federal government shutdown ends—and, three weeks in, who knows when that will be—they’ll need to deploy hazmat suits at Pt. Reyes National Seashore to clean up the despoiled bathrooms and other facilities.

“It’s not an exaggeration,” says Huffman, who visited the park this week and spent last weekend picking up trash in his district, at the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, with fellow congressperson Jackie Spiers. He says the shutdown’s ill impacts have hit the GGNRA, the Redwood National Park in Del Norte and Humboldt counties, and Muir Woods in Marin County.

Huffman says he took some cookies to the skeleton crew of “essential” employees continuing to work through the shutdown. “It’s hurting the Parks Service in obvious and less obvious ways,” he says. Point Reyes is a porous park with no entrance fees, and the crowds are still showing up.

The obvious impact has already been noted: Break out the hazmat suits, those bathrooms are a mess! The less obvious impact, he says, is how the shutdown is turning worker against worker, very Trumpian, as it creates internal friction. He explains that staff at the park told him that workers who were deemed
“non-essential” were sent home without pay and resent being called “non-essential.” Workers who were deemed essential are being forced to work without pay and resent that.

The shutdown, too, has suspended an ongoing general management upgrade process at the park that’s trying to balance the demands of ranchers in the federal park against a more wilderness-only approach to park management. “There’s a ripple effect that will likely be an even greater delay in getting that done.”

Huffman posted a photo on Facebook this week of a “Trump Trash Can” filled with garbage collected in the GGNRA, and says that he and Spiers plan to bring the bins back to Washington with them. “We’re going to take some of that trash to Donald Trump, because it’s his trash,” he says.

Speaking of Mr. Trump, Huffman was an early proponent of impeachment proceedings against the president and says he’s never heard a peep from Nancy Pelosi about it. “I just didn’t use the m-f-word,” he says with a laugh, referencing freshman Detroit congresswoman Rashida Tlaib’s pungent putdown of puny-fingers. “There’s been no pressure from Pelosi to back off from the impeachment stuff,” he says. “We’re all individual members of Congress.”

Arrest Report

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Sonoma County District Attorney Jill Ravitch has cleared seven county deputies from criminal charges in the March 28, 2018, death of Roderic Bernard Cameron.

The Sonoma man died while officers tried to restrain him after a violent and mentally distressed Cameron was found punching lighting fixtures while naked, sweaty and bloody at a Sonoma trailer park. Cameron was Tasered, handcuffed and ultimately subdued only after officers utilized the maximum restraint cord, aka the cord-cuff method: a nylon cord with a loop at one end and snap hook at the other.

“Deputies began applying the cord and only had it secured around Mr. Cameron’s waist,” reports Ravitch in a public copy of an officer-involved fatal incident report obtained by the Bohemian this week. “Shortly after beginning to apply the maximum restraint cord, Mr. Cameron stopped moving.”

One of the deputies on the scene “believed that Mr. Cameron’s movement indicated the cord was working.” The three deputies then realized Cameron was in medical distress, and the officers checked for vital signs and signs of breathing. The half-applied cord was removed and medical personnel were called in. The handcuffs were removed from Cameron once the medical personnel showed up, the report reads. He was pronounced dead a half hour later.

Section 305 of the Sonoma County Sheriff’s Office (SCSO) guidelines says that the “maximum restraint position will be used to control violent, handcuffed individuals who continue to kick and resist. Good judgment and appropriate care must be used during and after application of the technique.”

Ravitch in her report noted that “restraint by the use of handcuffs or a maximum restraint cord appeared reasonably necessary to restrain Mr. Cameron and ensure the safety of the deputies and the community at that time.”

Per the standard protocol for officer-involved deaths, the incident was investigated by the Santa Rosa Police Department and the autopsy on Cameron was conducted by Dr. Joseph Cohen, chief forensic pathologist in Marin County.

Cohen determined that the cause of Cameron’s death was cardiac arrest, and that “other significant conditions included: bipolar disorder with agitated state, physiological stress associated with physical confrontation with law enforcement, obesity and chronic asthmatic bronchitis.”

Ravitch’s report arrives at an inflection moment in the SCSO’s ongoing efforts to serve the community while also dealing with seemingly endless fallout from the 2013 police shooting of Andy Lopez. It has also dealt with fallout from a lawsuit brought against the county and SCSO over the issue of “yard counseling” at the Main Adult Detention Facility; and it comes following a late-season push by outgoing Sheriff Rob Giordano to eliminate the Independent Office of Law Enforcement Review and Outreach (created in the aftermath of the Lopez shooting). The county settled with the Lopez family late last year for $3 million, while admitting to no wrongdoing.

And there’s a new sheriff in town. At his swearing in this week, incoming SCSO sheriff Mark Essick, who contributed last week’s Open Mic to the Bohemian, pledged to ramp up community policing and to make sure the jail under his command is being run within constitutional guidelines.

In a statement, SCSO spokesman Sgt. Spencer Crum writes, “The Sheriff concurs with the District Attorney’s determination that the deputies didn’t use lethal or unreasonable force in this case. The DA’s published Officer Involved Fatal Incident Report represents an accurate summary of the facts of the case.”

“It’s a very sad event and our condolences go out to Mr. Cameron’s family and friends,” says Essick.

Crum continues: “Sheriff Essick has underscored the need for mental health treatment in our jail and in the community. This was a very unfortunate event where one man was in dire need of mental health treatment that he was unwilling or unable to obtain. The untreated illness resulted in a situation where deputies were forced to restrain Mr. Cameron for his own safety and that of the public after de-escalation techniques proved unsuccessful.

“When leg restraints were placed on Mr. Cameron while he was physically resisting, he became unresponsive. Deputies immediately engaged in life saving measures while medical personnel were on the way. Despite everyone’s best efforts to help Mr. Cameron with his mental health crisis he passed away due to a heart attack. The sheriff is encouraged by the Sonoma County Behavioral Health’s recent decision to expand its Mobile Support Team to the Valley and River areas of the county. The Sonoma County Mobile Support Team (MST) is a crisis response program that supports local law enforcement responding to individuals experiencing a mental health emergency.”

Adds Essick: “We believe this is a significant step to promote the safety and emotional stability of community members experiencing mental health crises.”

This story has been updated with input from SCSO.

Small Bites

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Parm Team

What’s the best lunch deal in downtown Santa Rosa right now? The contenders are many, but Small Bites is partial to the chicken parmigiana at Mercato Pasta & Produce, the Chandi Hospitality Group resto on Third that was Bibi’s Burgers for about 10 minutes last year before transforming into a pasta joint and marketplace, seemingly overnight. The $8 menu item features a breast of chicken dolled up in marinara and mozzarella, and comes with pair of honkin’ slabs of coarse, oily bread and a side ramekin of marinara; you can also get the mind-melting Mercato meatballs with the same accompaniments. Listed on the “Snacks” portion of the menu created by 2018 James Beard finalist Niven Patel (pictured),
the tidy chunk of chicken-parm is the perfect portion of poultry
for the midday break—you won’t need a nap after the fact, and you’ll still be a little hungry for more.

—Tom Gogola

Shed Shutters

It wasn’t “the Shed,” just “Shed,” as if there could be only one. And indeed, right from the opening in 2013, Doug Lipton and Cindy Daniel’s business was idiosyncratic, a true destination. A unique combination of an event space, a fermentation bar, a deli, a gardening store and a restaurant, spread over two floors and close to 10,00 square feet, Shed was an ambitious project, especially given the location in sleepy Healdsburg, where a new restaurant opens once a year, at best. A few weeks ago, however, owners Lipton and Daniel decided that the enterprise won’t continue into 2019. Shed closed at the end of December and will only continue its existence as an online store, which will continue to sell Shed’s pantry line. “After five and a half years of investing in the business, we have decided that our ambitious business model is not sustainable in a small city,” says Daniel. “We simply need more people coming through our doors to support the growth we need.”—Flora Tsapovsky

Hall to the Chef

Napa Valley’s Hall Wines announced this week that the popular Hall Cabernet Cookoff will celebrate its 10th year this April 27 at the St. Helena winery. The conceit: 15 chef teams must create a small dish that pairs with the 2015 Ellie Cabernet Sauvignon. Chef teams include One Market, Blossom Catering Company, Harvest Table and numerous others. Tickets are $125–$200, and all proceeds to go nonprofit organizations selected by the winning chef team. Last year the event raised $90,000 for local charities, and since 2010, has raised $800,000.—T.G.

A-Quiver

Look, it’s not like you have to use HerbaBuena’s Quiver Sensual Pleasure Cannabis Oil as suggested on the bottle. You don’t have to, as the label says, “massage daily in and around your most private parts to enhance arousal, intercourse and orgasm.”

Frankly, I don’t know what would happen if you did that on a daily basis, but the company’s website swears by the product’s sex majick qualities, and who am I to judge? All I can say is that this Ovidian oil is loaded down with pot juice—120mg of THC in a 30ml bottle? That’s the exact opposite of . . . impotent.

And, hey, it’s not like I went out and bought this stuff—so don’t get any funny ideas. The affable and engaging Michael Straus—of the Straus family of fine dairy products (and self-described black sheep of the family, he says with a laugh)—came by the office with some sample bottles not long ago, and also gifted the Nugget with a couple of Herba Buena joints: the CBD-rich Harmonize and the whole-flower sativa Rock On. Those go for $65–$80 for a pack of five. A full bottle of the Quiver will set you back $50.

And it’s totes worth it if the critics are right. The oil’s been highlighted as the “Best Intimacy Product” by the San Francisco Chronicle, while The Cannafornian gives Quiver high marks for sustainability—though they’re not referring to sustaining your slim jim, but rather the eco-friendly manner in which Quiver is conjured. Top Chef Casey Thompson declared it simply “the best lube, ever.” Well, OK then.

The company’s based in Napa and specializes in biodynamic, sun-drenched cannabis that’s as close to an orgasmic certification as you get in the cannabis business. Dangit, organic certification. Where is my mind today?

The joints? They were reportedly quite tasty, and effective, when consumed by our staff of seasoned cannabis-tasters, in a controlled setting and without any snacks. We’re professionals around here, ‘kay?

The smokeables were sublime, but the oil was on a different order of special and featured ingredients that were nothing if not Christmas-evoking. Strong hints of clove, cinnamon and vanilla lent a sense that you could get a similarly erotic effect by taking a bath in a vat of eggnog, as from this product. Perhaps I am exaggerating.

And what “effect” would that be? As noted, there’s no law that says you have to nurture the nether regions with Quiver. I got some great effects by rubbing some of the oil behind my ears and into my scalp. Let’s just say that I rubbed it in, and that I rubbed it in really, really hard. I waited the requisite 20 minutes for the THC to kick in. When it did, I found myself [CENSORING] a [CENSORED] in the [CENSORED] as she [CENSORED] my [CENSORED]—all under the mistletoe, of course.

Wilde? Child!

0

My favorite adage is one Julia Child borrowed from 19th-century poet and playwright Oscar Wilde: “Everything in moderation
. . . including moderation.”

Perhaps good intentions of New Year’s resolutions might endure if we were to abide by Wilde’s quote. In the spirit of resolving to relinquish a lifestyle of excess, I channeled my inner Julia Child to process her translation of Wilde’s quote into food terms. What I gained was insight into the impetus for “flexitarianism,” one of many labels meant to identify people who thrive to survive on controlled diets.

Such labels are ever-evolving and serve to identify a particular order of eating. Ever hear of a fruitarian? Taking restriction to the extreme, a fruitarian eats only what has naturally fallen from a plant or tree, or foods harvested from plants without having an impact on regeneration. Which brings us to the freegan—one who eats only what has been thrown away. Need I say more?

The list continues: If you’re a true vegan, your diet consists only of plant-based foods, but if you’re an ovo-vegetarian, you can eat eggs. If you’re a lacto-vegetarian, you can eat dairy products ’til the cows come home, and if you’re a lacto-ovo vegetarian, you enjoy all things dairy and eggs. And then there’s the pescetarian, who may eat fish in addition to plant-based foods. Hail to sashimi bars!

The gastronomic term employed to accommodate someone who wants to eat healthy without giving up on, well, anything really, is “flexitarian.” Here, my friends, is where the world is your oyster. As a health-conscious individual, you’ll eat a mostly plant-based diet, but, following Child’s borrowed quote, you can eat meat, eggs, fish and dairy in moderation. The semi-vegetarian flexitarian status allows you to fit within the paradigm of a culture obsessed with labels. But you may, on occasion, eat meat, eggs and fish.

Did I mention an occasional glass or two of wine?

With the start of every new year, resolutions are made but hardly ever carried through to the end of the year. We seem to be missing a middle ground, without restriction, and this is exactly why living the life of a flexitarian works. The rules of flexitarianism, a close cousin to the Mediterranean diet, are simple: it’s OK to enjoy a good filet of beef now and again, as long as the cow was grass-fed in its lifetime.

While everyone else is restricting their diets and behaviors in the name of New Year’s, my strategy is to embark on a dry January alcohol detox and incorporate the lifestyle of a flexitarian. One “dry” month won’t be difficult, and instead of a rigid diet plan that incorporates the all-or-nothing setup for failure, I choose to step up to the plate and listen to Julia Child.

Here’s a sparkling water toast to 2019 and taking everything in moderation—including moderation as a flexitarian and keeper of a semi–New Year’s resolution.

Charlene Peters is a former editor from the Boston area. Since 2015, she has lived in Napa Valley, where she loves to pen food stories. Charlene can be reached at si********@***il.com.

The Cold Wind and Rain

As I watch the driving rain and freezing wind from the warm comfort of my home, I can’t help but worry about our homeless neighbors outside who have no place to go.

According to a new HUD report, among largely suburban communities of our size nationwide, the Santa Rosa/Petaluma Continuum of Care area has among the highest numbers of homelessness, chronically homeless and unaccompanied unsheltered homeless youth in the country. Sonoma County records for 2018 show that we have 2,996 homeless individuals, of whom around 1,929 are unsheltered. Shelters can accommodate only 1,067.

The 6 percent rise in homelessness is indicative of failing policies. For example, Santa Rosa’s official homeless solution is its Homeless Encampment Assistance Pilot Program. Described as a “compassionate approach,” the program, in fact, is nothing more than brutal encampment sweeps that often leave tenters with nothing more than the clothes on their backs as all of their possessions are bulldozed into a dumpster.

Last fall, the county’s Human Rights Commission found that both the city and county are systematically violating human rights of homeless individuals and called for the immediate establishment safe havens with services for those living on the streets as well as the creation with all due haste of inexpensive countywide tiny house villages with services to provide shelter for the years required for permanent supportive housing to become available. Authorities have completely neglected these urgent needs.. Authorities have completely neglected these urgent needs.

U.N. Special Rapporteur Leilani Farha recently decried the denial of access to water, sanitation, health services and other basic necessities to Bay Area unsheltered homeless people as “a cruelty that is unsurpassed,” adding that “such punitive policies must be prohibited by law and immediately ceased.”

The newly activated, countywide Home Sonoma Leadership Council has so far failed to take any action to resolve the homeless emergency crisis that city and county officials have themselves repeatedly declared. Meanwhile, unsheltered human beings on the streets are wet, freezing, sick and dying, with no respite in sight

We treat dogs better than this! People of good conscience, do not avert your eyes. Rise up and demand justice for those who can’t demand it for themselves.

Kathleen Finigan lives in Santa Rosa.

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the ‘Bohemian.’ We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 350 words considered
for publication, write op*****@******an.com.

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