Open Mic

Open Mic

Swift Kick

By Sophie Annan

ENVIRONMENTAL activists keep filling my e-mailbox with complaints about proposed oil drilling in the National Arctic Wildlife Refuge, as if I could possibly care about the fate of polar bears and caribou, and with forwarded newspaper editorials saying really mean things about President Dubya. They call some of his recent actions “brazen thuggery” and him the Toxic Texan and the Pollution President.

They whine that the Arctic refuge could only yield a six- to nine- months supply of oil for the United States, hardly worth the bother and expense, much less the environmental destruction.

So? I say have at it–the sooner we get this over with, the better. More oil, more spills, more destruction of the ozone layer, more global warming, more dead coral reefs can only hasten the end of civilization as we know it, and what thoughtful person could complain about that?

These people carry on about saving the earth, code for saving their own elitist necks, and about preserving at least some animals and wilderness areas for their spoiled children and grandchildren to enjoy. So selfish. So short-sighted.

If environmentalists really wanted to save the earth, they’d know President Dubya is their best friend. Forget oil drilling for a moment and take a close look at his cunning promotion of arsenic in drinking water and more CO2 in the air and you see where he’s heading–getting rid of human beings. And that will almost certainly save the earth.

Oh sure, Dubya and brother Jeb, the Florida governor, don’t want oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, but that just proves my point–they’re NIMBY environmentalists. Gotta have something nice to look at while they wait for the end.

So bring it on–more SUVs, more nuclear plants, more global warming, more mining; drill for oil, drill for gas, and burn lots of coal, drain those rivers, cut down those trees, spray those pesticides, dump garbage in those oceans, cut back health care and treatment for drug addiction, and stop those abortions, because the more people we have using it up in one last riotous orgy, the faster the earth can start recovering from us. Besides, the unwanted children of the poor are always good for at least one thing, as Swift observed.

Poison, starvation, epidemics–every little bit helps.

President Dubya: a true friend of the earth. He just doesn’t like people.

Sophie Annan is a writer who lives in Santa Rosa, at least for the moment.

From the April 5-11, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

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