.Best Place to Get Baked

Criminal Baking Co., Santa Rosa

“If I were a scone, I’d get baked at Criminal Baking Co.,” I think as I sit on a bench near a dog park six blocks from Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square. Which isn’t to say I’m not a scone, in some other parallel universe. Or that I’m not baked, for that matter.

I am baked, actually, in the other way. Right here and right now, I’m a real-as-can-be, flesh-and-blood dude; a glassy-eyed, dry-mouthed fooligan sitting in a thinning cloud of state-legalized blue smoke. A simple psychonaut who imagines simple things, like where he’d get baked if he were actually a tasty pastry.

Perhaps I’m following the wrong lines of logic, though. Perhaps the apropos question of the moment is: Where did I get baked, just a couple of minutes ago, before doughy thoughts began dancing dreamily through my dizzy head? Why, I probably got baked right here where I’m sitting now, on this beautiful bench somewhere very, very near Criminal Baking Co. Because Criminal is red hot in this universe and parallel universes. And for anyone who wants anything to do with baked goods for any reason whatsoever, it’s one of the best places to go.

music in the park san jose
music in the park san jose

A word of warning, though: On a hot summer day, this neighborhood gets very, very hot. So hot that if I wanted to overheat I’d simply plant myself on a bench like this one and let the sun, well, bake me. Thankfully today is the perfect temp for this neighborhood. It’s just shy of cool. And ahhh, what a bench. And that smell in the air. Pastries! Hmmm. I reach for my vape, puff mightily and exhale.

If I were a scone, I’d get baked at Criminal Baking Co, I think as I sit on a bench near a dog park six blocks from Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square …

Criminal Baking Co., 808 Donahue St., Santa Rosa. Hours: Mon–Sun 7:30am to 3pm. 707.888.3546. www.criminalbaking.com — M.F.

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