Stealing People’s Mail

Don't do it, no matter what Jello Biafra says

It seemed like so much fun when Jello Biafra sang about stealing people’s mail when he was fronting the Dead Kennedys.

We’re gonna steal your mail

On a Friday night

We’re gonna steal your mail

By the pale moonlight!

But the crime is serious business—and Sonoma sentenced a young mail-stealer to hard time last Friday.

It was the same day that Biafra was in the North Bay for a show with the Guantanamo School of Medicine, at the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma.

Coincidence, you say?

OK, maybe.

Debriefer was flooded with Friday afternoon emails from the Sonoma County District Attorney’s office just as we were gearing up for the holiday—lots of people were going off to prison in advance of the Memorial Day weekend, just as Biafra was hauling up 101 for his Petaluma show.

The Sonoma DA offered news of a DUI sentencing and an unlicensed-contractor scam on Craigs List in the mix of releases—but stealing people’s mail, that one jumped out at us.

Stealing mail is very illegal. Don’t do it.

Santa Rosa’s Teresa Goode probably isn’t humming the Dead Kennedy’s classic today, even if it’s now an official Debriefer earworm we can’t shake, thanks to her crime spree….

And we got license plates, wedding gifts, tax returns

Checks to politicians from
real estate firms

Money, bills and canceled checks

Pretty funny pictures
of your kids

Stick a stamp on Goode, and say goodbye: According to the release from Assistant District Attorney Joseph Langenbahn, Goode was sentenced to eight years in state prison for plundering multiple mailboxes in the service of the relatively new, but wildly popular crime of identify theft.

Seems Ms. Goode was out on bail for previous attempts at identity theft that involved stealing people’s mail, when she was pulled over by police with co-defendant Nikki Sproul, of Rohnert Park, late last year.

Sproul, reported Sonoma District Attorney Jill Ravitch’s office, “was in the back seat along with hundreds of pieces of stolen mail inside several bags. Checks, credit cards, bank statements, driver’s licenses, and ID cards for over 100 victims were located, along with mail containing personal identifying information for an additional 70 victims…”

We got grocery sackful after grocery sackful

After grocery sackful after grocery sackful

After grocery sackful after grocery sackful

Of the private lives of you!

—Tom Gogola