Spank Me

Copperfield’s Books released its year-end bestsellers this week, and to no one’s surprise, the Fifty Shades and Hunger Games series come out strong. Turns out people like sex and violence—who knew?

Here are the year’s bestsellers, compiled from Copperfields’ six locations:

1. Fifty Shades of Grey, E. L. James

2. The Hunger Games, Suzanne Collins

3. Fifty Shades Darker, E. L. James

4. Fifty Shades Freed, E .L. James

5. Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins

6. State of Wonder, Ann Patchett

7. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, Cheryl Strayed

8. The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell, Chris Colfer

9. Catching Fire, Suzanne Collins

10. The Tiger’s Wife, Téa Obreht

11. Bossypants, Tina Fey

Other bestsellers of the year include Unbroken: A WWII Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand; The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach; Some Assembly Required by Anne Lamott; Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn; In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin by Erik Larson; Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver; Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin; Sacre Bleu: A Comedy d’Art by Christopher Moore; The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes; Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern; To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee; The Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otsuka; and The Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh.—Gabe Meline

Freedom Walker

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For years, the people of Bil’in, a Palestinian community, have held weekly demonstrations against the building of an Israeli-helmed “separation wall” through the community’s agricultural lands. Iyad Burnat, a Palestinian farmer and nonviolent peace activist, has been a leader in the movement to protest such settlements on Palestinian land. He’s currently on a three-month speaking tour of the United States, telling stories of Palestine and discussing strategies for nonviolent popular resistance, and arrives in Marin on Jan. 8. “Since the 1936 intifada against British occupation, we have been working peacefully for freedom. We don’t know the meaning of ‘freedom.’ We know it’s the most beautiful thing in the world, but we don’t know how it feels,” Burnat told a crowd in Columbus, Ohio, this past December. Hear Iyad Burnat tell his story—along with a showing of 5 Broken Cameras, a documentary by Emad Burnat, the speaker’s brother—on Tuesday, Jan. 8, at the First Presbyterian Church. 72 Kensington Road, San Anselmo. 7pm. Donations accepted. 415.456.3713.

The Price of Pot

Illegal pot farms take a severe environmental toll on the North Coast, according to an extensive Dec. 24 report in the Los Angeles Times. Growers have clear-cut trees, siphoned hundreds of gallons of water from nearby creeks and streams, poisoned wild animals with a powerful rodenticide called Carbofuran and polluted watersheds with potting soil and fertilizers. The problem has gotten so extreme that scientists have begun to blame unregulated marijuana “supergrows” for a breakout of cyanobacteria in North Coast rivers, a toxic blue-green algae that has been responsible for the deaths of water creatures and dogs.

Letters to the Editor: January 2, 2013

God, Guts & Guns

Thank you, Ari Levaux, for clearing up a misconception (“American Psychos,” Dec. 26). Not knowing any hunters, I’ve always assumed that they walked hand in hand with the NRA. I hope this inspires other non-NRA hunters to speak out.

Via online

Q: How many NRA members does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 4,300,000. One to start changing the bulb until shot dead by a psychotic relative using a weapon bought for the NRA member’s personal protection, and 4,299,999 to claim that the only problem the U.S. has with guns is that there are not enough of them.

Via online

Ari Levaux does not speak for hunters. Every statistic that he quotes is cooked and misleading at best. The kid told the school he brought the gun for safety, but no one at the school believed him, not the other students, not the administration. His bragging actions with the gun and intimidation of other students with it betrayed the real reason. Ari’s claim that armed citizens do not prevent or limit the scale of mass killings is ridiculous. They just cannot completely eliminate the behavior. If any of the six women killed in Sandy Hook had a concealed carry gun, there would have likely been fewer killed. Armed mass killers in Israel don’t kill 30; they kill three to six before the armed populace brings them down.

Via online

Let Them Eat Grapes

Just finished the article “Following Her Own Star” (Dec. 19) by Daedalus Howell. It is good to hear that Eleanor Coppola is “too earnest to be susceptible to such platitudes” after it’s suggested that she is the de facto grand dame of Sonoma County’s wine scene.

I just can’t escape the idea that the artistic lifestyle she has pursued has been aided by her access to unlimited funds. For example, has she ever had to worry about obtaining healthcare or the balance of her checkbook? I doubt it. And that’s OK, it’s just the idea of her being very close to the 1% of wealth has me wondering whether she would be a working artist Nowhere in the article did it mention giving back to the community or the 99%, unless you count the fact that she would like to share the blend of Syrah and Cabernet Sauvignon as a wine. This interview would be the opposite side of last week’s article about the Occupy movement. I found last week’s article more important.

Napa

I am no longer a working artist in this now more and more gentrified mecca of North Bay. In fairness, I must say it has been a long time. I no longer buy Ramen noodles by the case or attend rent parties or compare publishers’ rejection letters over bad coffee. I must say, though, I was sorely tempted to add a speech bubble to the photo of Mrs. Coppola enjoying her latest vintage in the gardens with her youthful foil stating, “If the peasants are starving, let them eat grapes.”

Santa Rosa

Disarming the World

Gun control . . . what a great idea, Mr. President. Why does it take a tragedy in Connecticut to instigate this action? Why did nothing happen after Columbine? Surely it was just as tragic! And will you extend this gun control to our military-industrial complex? I mean, we are by far the biggest supplier of arms to the world as a whole, especially favoring certain countries with despot leaders bent on conquering anything that stands in the way of getting whatever it is they want.

I’m quite certain that there are more than 20 children murdered daily around the world by guns which came from the good ol’ U.S. of A.—children who were just trying to live their lives as normally as they possibly could, given their circumstances. Just trying to learn how to read and write, like the kids in Connecticut.

Please tell me, Mr. President, why are our children’s lives worth more than those from another country?

Healdsburg

Write to us at le*****@******an.com.

2012: The Music Quiz

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1. At a Hurricane Sandy Relief concert in December, the surviving members of Nirvana performed together for the first time since Kurt Cobain’s suicide. Who sang?

a) Eddie Vedder

b) Tony Bennett

c) Paul McCartney

d) Courtney Love

2. In December, a certain hit song became the most viewed video on YouTube by surpassing 1 billion views. Which song was it?

a) Carly Rae Jepsen, “Call Me Maybe”

b) Psy, “Gangnam Style”

c) Justin Bieber, “Baby”

d) One Direction, “What Makes You Beautiful”

3. Amanda Palmer, who raised over a million dollars on Kickstarter for her album and tour, came under fire in September for what?

a) Failing to send digital downloads to the correct email addresses

b) Paying her tour musicians in hugs and high-fives

c) Plagiarizing lyrics from Radiohead

d) Refusing to play a promised house party for a pro-life group

4. On a September mix tape, Nicki Minaj rapped “I’m a Republican, voting for Mitt Romney.” While blogs mostly took the line at face value, which politician correctly surmised that it was a joke, saying, “She likes to play different characters”?

a) Hillary Clinton

b) Barack Obama

c) Gavin Newsom

d) Condoleezza Rice

5. Which band from the ’90s did not reunite in 2012?

a) No Doubt

b) Spice Girls

c) Garbage

d) Destiny’s Child

e) Backstreet Boys

6. A week before his album Channel Orange was released, Frank Ocean posted to Tumblr what admission?

a) He recorded the entire album while high on bath salts

b) His first love at age 17 was with another man

c) He was leaving the group Odd Future due to ideological differences

d) He could no longer perform live due to acute agoraphobia

7. Which professional athlete, in July, tweeted that “@rushtheband RULES. Period.”?

a) Tim Lincecum

b) Lance Armstrong

c) Alex Smith

d) Jeremy Lin

8. Which celebrity chef in June publicly praised Vanilla Ice and then, later that night, went to see Nickelback?

a) Mario Batali

b) Bobby Flay

c) Paula Deen

d) Guy Fieri

9. In May, the Beastie Boys’ MCA, aka Adam Yauch, died at age 47. What did he stipulate in his will?

a) That 100 percent of his music royalties be donated to Planned Parenthood

b) That Run-DMC perform at his funeral

c) That his music may never be used for advertising

d) That the Dalai Lama appear in his place at Bonnaroo

10. Who among the following was included in Spin magazine’s “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time” list, posted in May?

a) Jimi Hendrix

b) Eric Clapton

c) Jimmy Page

d) Stevie Ray Vaughan

e) Joe Satriani

f) Eddie Van Halen

g) Jeff Beck

h) Kirk Hammett

i) Yngwie Malmsteen

j) None of the above

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11. Which singer performed “I Will Always Love You” at the Grammy Awards in tribute to Whitney Houston, who had died the day before?

a) Dolly Parton

b) Jennifer Hudson

c) Alicia Keys

d) Beyoncé

12. Beck released his latest album on which format?

a) 8-track

b) reel-to-reel

c) wax cylinder

d) sheet music

13. What is the hit single from Taylor Swift’s album Red?

a) “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”

b) “You Are Never Ever Dating Me Ever”

c) “I Am Never Ever Dating Anyone For Over a Week”

d) “We Are Never Ever Saying Never Ever Ever Again Ever”

14. While accepting the Album of the Year award at the Grammys, what did Adele interrupt her speech to do?

a) Adjust her “small-size, rubbish” bra

b) Wipe “a bit of snot” from her nose

c) Remove her “bloody uncomfortable” heels

d) Make an obscene gesture to “that wanker” Chris Brown

15. Who had the highest grossing tour in 2012?

a) Madonna

b) Roger Waters

c) Van Halen

d) Barbra Streisand

16. Who appeared in hologram form at Coachella?

a) Janis Joplin

b) Michael Jackson

c) Tupac Shakur

d) Ronald Reagan

17. What is Pussy Riot?

a) A Russian punk group whose members were jailed for protesting Vladimir Putin

b) A feminist band that hacked into and sabotaged Rick Santorum’s live webcast

c) A day of protest when popular music videos were replaced with cat videos

d) A Palestinian “vaginacore” band working to bring birth control to Gaza

18. At every show of his Wrecking Ball tour, Bruce Springsteen did what?

a) Spit on the crowd

b) Smashed his guitar

c) Crowdsurfed across the audience

d) Flipped off a video of Mitt Romney

19. Hip-hop group Death Grips violated their contract with Epic Records and self-leaked their album, No Love Deep Web, in October. What image did they use for cover art?

a) A hacked Instagram photo of the president of Epic Records wearing women’s lingerie

b) Five pools of pink vomit surrounding the word “royalties”

c) A penis, with the album title written on it in permanent marker

d) Charles Manson

20. Approximately how much does an artist receive for each song streamed on Spotify?

a) 2 cents

b) 1 cent

c) less than 1 cent

d) less than half of 1 cent

Answers on next page!

[page]

1) c

2) b

3) b

4) b

5) d

6) b

7) b

8) d

9) c

10) j

11) b

12) d

13) a

14) b

15) a

16) c

17) a

18) c

19) c

20) d

So Long, 2012!

It Finally Opened

Buy a great bottle of wine now, and it probably will be at its peak in a few years. The Green Music Center at Sonoma State University is that $145 million bottle of wine. The long-awaited center’s grand opening with pianist Lang Lang was held in September after nearly 20 years of fundraising, despite certain phases of the project remaining unfinished. Hopes are being pinned on the stature of the main hall, named for near-billionaire and former Citigroup CEO Sandy Weill, to spur donations toward completion of the smaller student venue known as Schroeder Hall.

Indeed, the only portion of the GMC yet to be funded is the very impetus for the whole thing, a small, acoustically lush choral recital hall for student groups and choirs. As the New York Times put it, reviewing the grand opening weekend against the relatively small music program at SSU, “The proof of the venture’s success will not be whether Mr. Lang and other superstars perform there regularly but whether the Green Music Center will spur enough growth in the university’s music program so that Sonoma State will one day have a student orchestra to play in its expensive new hall.”—Nicolas Grizzle

The Hometown Rag

We were thrilled to hear that the Press Democrat was returning to local ownership, then dumbstruck when the two principal owners were named: Darius Anderson, a powerful state lobbyist, and Doug Bosco, former Congressman and current political powerbroker. Anderson has ties to the Graton Rancheria‘s Rohnert Park casino, PG&E, CVS and Sutter Health; he also once sued his neighbor for calling the cops on his loud party. Bosco, voted out of Congress for a check-bouncing scandal and a supporter of offshore oil drilling, fancies himself a kingmaker of candidates, able to fundraise from the excavation and winery sectors. Both men promise to keep their influence away from the editorial board, and, having affinity for and trust in many PD reporters, we’ll take the dutiful stance that time will tell.

Further investors were named closer to the sale’s closure: they include Norma Person, widow of Evert Person, who sold the paper to the New York Times in 1985; Jean Schulz, widow of Charles Schulz; and, ho ho ho, Sandy Weill, former Citigroup CEO and orchestrator of the repeal of Glass-Steagall. So, basically, when you see a front-page Press Democrat headline reading “Charlie Brown Loves Gambling Capital Gains from Credit-Default Swaps with Pinot-Sipping Efren Carrillo in Shadow of Beautiful Asphalt Plant,” don’t be alarmed.—Gabe Meline

We Love to Drink

The Bohemian declared the craft beer revolution in 2011, and 2012 continued the explosion with meteorite speed. Breweries and pubs opened left and right, while Russian River Brewing Co.‘s Pliny the Younger kept drawing block-long lines and being named the best beer in the world. Old Redwood Brewing, a Windsor venture run by a crew of intrepid nanobrewers, opened its doors in August. 101 Brewing Co. in Petaluma started catching buzz with its delicious Heroine IPA just a few months ago. After two years of work, Beltane Brewing in Novato held a grand opening in early December, providing easy access to brewer Alan Atha’s elixir-like hop creations.

In Santa Rosa, Heritage Public House announced plans to move to the old Video Droid location on Mendocino Ave., expanding the craft beer pub’s reach geographically and socially (right next to SRJC—smart move, Dino!). Pub Republic, with multiple craft beers on tap and an expansive food menu, moved into Petaluma. Hopmonk Novato opened its doors in November, offering house-brewed beers and its normal wide selection of quality ales and lagers on tap.

But wait, there’s more! 2012 saw the release of ‘The Northern California Craft Beer Guide, Bohemian contributor Ken Weaver’s comprehensive and beautifully illustrated guide to our area breweries and beers. You could use this puppy to cram the next two years full of Nor-Cal beer adventures and never run out of places to go. And for the one-stop shopper, BeerCraft, a craft beer shop in Rohnert Park, announced that in addition to offering a stellar selection, it’ll be opening a tasting room sometime in the next couple of months. If the selection of beers rivals that of the taproom at the Coddingtown Whole Foods, then we’re in for some trouble—of the best kind—in 2013.—Leilani Clark

The Giants Won the World Series, Sure . . .

. . . but come on, that 10-run rally by the Petaluma Little League team to force extra innings, are you kidding me? Just try and tell me you weren’t jumping out of your couch and screaming your head off and going totally batshit crazy. Sure, they lost, but those guys—Cole Tomei, Hance Smith, Quinton Gago and others—are names that won’t be easily forgotten around here.

While baseball dominated conversation, cycling hit a thorny patch: Lance Armstrong was stripped of all his Tour de France titles, and Santa Rosa’s Levi Leipheimer, a longtime friend and teammate of Armstrong, confirmed what everyone had long suspected by admitting to doping. (Just after having Barry Bonds as a guest at his Granfondo, at that—ouch.) The Tour of California returns to Santa Rosa next year, and Levi’s Granfondo plans to continue, but both will be very strange, different-feeling events.—Gabe Meline

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May the Low-Income Housing Be with You

Yeah, there was that day back in October when everyone and their aunt posted a mouse-shaped Death Star to their Facebook page. But George Lucas hasn’t just been busy pledging to donate his $4.05 billion buckaroos from selling to Disney this year—he’s also turned petulant/charitable locally, depending on whom you ask.

In April, Lucasfilm posted a strongly worded letter, stating that after 25 years, it was going to pull its application to build a film studio on Marin County’s Grady Ranch. Citing bitterness and anger on the part of local neighborhood groups, Lucasfilm then announced that it would use the space to construct low-income housing, and the residents of Marin all clapped their hands, because 60 percent of the county’s workforce commutes in due to Marin’s exorbitantly high rent.

Kidding! No, what actually happened was a story ran in the New York Times where locals said the filmmaker’s move was going to “incite class warfare” and turn the state’s wealthiest county into Syria. In November, he became even more popular in the slow-growth region with plans to demolish a building from 1945 to make way for a park where statues of Indiana Jones and Yoda will be built. While he’s at it, he should probably finance a Walmart, join the board of the Ross Valley Sanitary District and build a 10-story SmartMeter shaped like Jar Jar Binks in a designated wilderness or something.—Rachel Dovey

Walking Is Still Honest

Over 10 people were struck and killed by cars in Santa Rosa crosswalks in the last two years; many more were injured while walking or cycling. This is terrible and should stop, and is made even worse by the wonderful people who are getting mowed down by cars. One comes to mind: the eminently friendly Toraj Soltani from Mac’s Deli, who was chased off the road and onto a golf course before being run over mid-fairway by an angry driver with a revoked license. Soltani isn’t the only familiar face in downtown Santa Rosa to be hit by a car. Joseph von Merta, a longtime fixture on Fourth Street, was hit and killed on College Avenue in October. You don’t know his name (he often spelled it differently when he talked to us), but you probably know his face, and it probably at one point or another asked you for change. Merta was homeless, in an almost proud defiance of normal life; every time I asked him if he’d found a place to live, he’d pat his sleeping pad and say, “I got it right here.” Known variously as “Prince,” “SirenorThat Guy Sitting on the Fountain in Front of Ting Hao with the Puppet Stick,” Merta was a quiet but reliable daily presence for over 15 years in Santa Rosa, asking for spare change and little else. Right before he died, he told me he’d just finished a job, was doing OK and planning to visit some family in the East Bay. A week later, he stumbled into the street at 5am and was killed, in the crosswalk, by a car.—Gabe Meline

Donkey Sauce & All

I shouldn’t feel bad for a millionaire celebrity chef, but let’s face it, Santa Rosa’s own Guy Fieri had a really shitty year. First, his yellow Lamborghini was stolen from a garage in San Francisco. And by whom? A 17-year-old who was only caught because he reportedly shot a gun at two other teens in a fit of jealousy, leading authorities to discover his storage locker full of stolen goods, Fieri’s Lambo among the loot. (So this kid, Max Wade, right, is sitting in jail the night before he’s scheduled to be transferred, and his friends scale the barbed wire fence at the Marin jail, put a ladder beneath his window and try, unsuccessfully, to break the glass with a sledgehammer. In related news, Marin rappers Brilliant & Timbalias filmed a rap video, “Free Max Wade.” Dude is his own franchise!)

Anyway, Fieri, who was Lambo-less for 10 whole months (I’m sure the insurance paperwork was a nightmare), opens a huge new Times Square restaurant, which seems to be a larger, more bombastic version of the establishments North Bay denizens are, for better or worse, familiar with. It gets unabashedly and hilariously shit on by the New York Times‘ Pete Wells, causing an uproar and official response by Fieri on The Today Show. “I stand by my food,” he said, only semi-convincingly. “I stand by my team.”—Nicolas Grizzle

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Politics Suck and/or Rule

As expected, small-town politics got down and dirty during the 2012 election cycle. Remember ‘Who is Stacey Lawson, the anonymous internet campaign that uncovered details about the candidate’s wealth, spiritual guru and New Age–styled writings on Huffington Post? Local politico Paul Anderson got about 30 seconds of fame from the stunt, but maybe he was on to something: Lawson didn’t get elected.

Despite a groundswell of grassroots support, anti-war activist Norman Solomon didn’t make it to the November polls as a Congressional candidate either, losing to Marin’s golden boy Jared Huffman. Then there were those last-minute Gary Wysocky robo-calls, funded by the anonymous “Anybody but Wysocky.” The hit-and-run tactic didn’t work, as Wysocky was reelected to the Santa Rosa City Council, albeit in fourth place (just ahead of Don Taylor—whew, close one!).

Peace in Medicine director Robert Jacob proved that you could have your medical marijuana-infused cake and eat it too when elected as vice mayor in Sebastopol. (He also had my personal favorite campaign strategy: flyers taped to the beer taps at Aubergine.) It was a one-two punch in front of a San Diego nightclub when Efren Carrillo went ninja on a man outside a Too Short show for allegedly harassing his lady friends. All charges were dropped; the young Sonoma County supervisor doesn’t seem much worse for the wear.

Michael Allen proved that moving to San Rafael doesn’t guarantee political office when unseated in the Assembly by challenger Marc Levine. Susan Gorin and John Sawyer made nice (hugs, even!) at a December Santa Rosa City Council meeting after Gorin defeated the former mayor in a vicious fight-to-the-finish to replace Valerie Brown as Fifth District Supervisor.

And in the midst of Obama’s re-election, Measure Q, a promising proposition for district elections, which would have ensured fair geographic representation in underserved areas in Santa Rosa, was defeated at the polls. And they say the weak shall inherit . . . ah, but not in 2012.—Leilani Clark

Closing Time

It was bad enough that we lost Copperfield’s Used Book Annex in Sebastopol, and then—boom!—River Reader in Guerneville closed its doors as well. Those weren’t the only major closures in 2012, of course: this was Santa Rosa’s first year without the Harmony Festival, or the Handcar Regatta. Drake’s Bay Oyster Farms was forced by the Feds to close after over a hundred years in Point Reyes, and Douglas Keane closed Cyrus Restaurant, probably while bemoaning something about foie gras and/or bulldogs (and/or landlords). While Traverso’s closed last year, a different Italian institution underwent a major transformation in 2012: Canevari’s Deli in Santa Rosa. Ed Canevari is still an owner, but the printouts of Elks Club–type jokes and “COFFEE: 35¢” sign are gone, as is the “O Sole Mio” window. (Ed continues to monitor the recipes.) And to kick off the year, Incredible Records in Sebastopol closed on Jan. 1.—Gabe Meline

Construction Time Again

Highlights of the development beat in the North Bay this year: Napa got really huffy about an old industrial site on the river, SMART construction kept people up at night and a tribal leader’s ethnic origin was called into question.

In other news, a split Petaluma City Council approved the final EIR for the Deer Creek shopping center last April, which plans to house another branch of Friedman’s. On the not-so-local side of the Petaluma spectrum, construction on the 34-acre site of a future Target is poised for early 2013. Up in Santa Rosa, discount chain Smart & Final plans to open a space in the Santa Rosa Avenue warehouse vacated by Circuit City. And more grapevines will be planted in West County, due to an October approval by county supervisors of Best Family Winery in Graton.

The ongoing Rohnert Park Casino saga, aside from casting the spotlight on Greg Sarris, is finally in the construction phase after the Federated Indians of Graton Rancheria secured an $850 million financing package. The SMART Train moved forward this year, and Napa Pipe proposed putting a Costco on its embattled site, and many, many, many people filed lawsuits about zoning and traffic and other things that are just as exciting.—Rachel Dovey

Don’t Bogart That Joint

Medical marijuana was both the biggest winner and the biggest loser this year. Federal government crackdowns on California dispensaries continued, the most high-profile being the April 2 DEA raid of Oaksterdam University in Oakland. On April 23, federal prosecutors threatened to seize the property that houses two Novato dispensaries, Green Door Wellness Education Center and Green Tiger Collective for violations of federal law and municipal zoning codes; both businesses closed soon afterward.

Kumari Sivadas of the Sonoma Alliance for Medical Marijuana told that Bohemian that Sonoma County had seen a rise in prosecutions, seizures and arrests of people involved in cannabis collectives in 2011–2012. In December, supervisors Valerie Brown and Shirlee Zane’s recommended measure to lower approved limits for cultivation and possession of medical marijuana was defeated, after criticism that the two had not engaged the public before the measure went to vote. Brown told a crowd of patients, lawyers and advocates in her final meeting as supervisor that she had “failed them” and that she was sorry.—Leilani Clark

Press Releases We Received in 2012!

“Manifest with Sex Magick—Magical Intimacy With Sexy Challenges.”

“Article: Macho Men Prevail.”

“Guide to Finding Your Cosmic Mate (For Those Unable to Find a Human One)”

“Nudity in America.”

“It is total bullshit and an embarrassing waste of time, and I hope you enjoy it.”

“Are Black Men Globally Relevant?”

“‘From Menses to Menopause,’ Skype-only class, $210.”

“My medical records show that I have been urinating blood since 1991.”

“Research on the History of Mental Illness in Dolphins and Dogs.”

“First Post-Amputation Public Performances Announced!”

“Christmas Potluck for Everyone Interested in Secret CIA Mind Control Technology.”—Gabe Meline

State of the State

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What better way to prepare for the new year than by familiarizing oneself with what will (and won’t) stir up legal hot water in 2013? In 2012, Gov. Jerry Brown signed a number of bills into law; here’s a select overview of the more relevant ones to take effect on Jan. 1.

Assemblyman Gilbert Cedillo’s AB 2189 allows undocumented immigrants under the age of 31 who fit certain requirements to obtain a California driver’s license. The law applies to those who qualify for President Obama’s new deferred status program, which provides a two-year stay on deportation for people under 31 who were brought to the United States illegally before the age of 16. Federal documents received in the deferment process will be considered as acceptable evidence for driver’s license applications.

Worried about all those party pictures on your Facebook feed? Fear no more. Thanks to internet privacy measure AB 1844, employers are now barred from asking employees and job applicants for the passwords to their social media and email accounts.

The California Homeowner’s Bill of Rights, supported by Attorney General Kamala Harris, addresses the continuing foreclosure crisis by protecting homeowners during the mortgage and foreclosure process. The law puts restrictions on dual track foreclosures, guarantees a single point of contact at the bank and places penalties on lenders that record and file multiple unverified documents, a controversial practice known as “robo-signing.” Homeowners can also turn to the court to help enforce their right to a fair and transparent foreclosure process.

Until now, small-scale food producers have been required to work out of certified commercial kitchens, often at a steep expense, in order to sell to stores, restaurants or directly to the public. With the new California Homemade Food Act, fledgling food entrepreneurs will be able to sell certain homemade products in a more streamlined fashion. The approved food product list includes bread, fruit pies, jam, honey and dried nuts, none of which can contain meat or cream ingredients. Requirements still include a food-processor course, food labeling and possible inspections by the health department.

Two new laws specifically make the lives of women less complicated. AB 2348, known as the California Birth Control Law, allows registered nurses to dispense and administer contraceptives (within specified clinic settings) without requiring a doctor’s signature on each prescription. Sponsored by Planned Parenthood, the bill gives “women the right to control their own destiny,” according to Gov. Brown. Also, AB 2386 expands the definition of “sex” in the Fair Employment and Housing Act to include breastfeeding. If an employer shows prejudice against breastfeeding, this counts as a form of gender or sex discrimination and can be liable for prosecution.

Champions of the environment may cheer the new Marijuana Grow Crackdown Law; the bill is aimed squarely at those who grow or manufacture illegal drugs on state forested land. Under AB 2284, law enforcement patrolling unpaved forest roads can stop cars and trucks with visible irrigation supplies to determine whether they were legally purchased. If the driver cannot prove that the purchase was lawful, the supplies can be impounded. The law applies to unpaved roads through private timberland of 50,000 acres as well as any roads in the jurisdiction of the U.S. Forest Service, the Bureau of Land Management, the Department of Forestry and the Department of Parks and Recreation.

By eliminating fear of arrest for minor drug law violations, the Good Samaritan Overdose Prevention law encourages people to call 911 for help with victims of drug overdose. If someone at the scene possesses small amounts of drugs or paraphernalia, they will not be liable for arrest or prosecution. Concurrently, a new driving law says that DUI drivers can no longer choose between blood test and urine tests to determine blood drug content—blood tests are now the only option.

California was lauded this year for being the first state to pass a law preventing therapy that would purportedly change minors’ sexual orientation (also know as “ex-gay” therapies or gay conversion), but the law has been delayed pending a federal appeals trial. On the flipside, Gov. Brown signed quite a few bills in 2012 that apply to veterans, but one is particularly notable: AB 1505 reinstates California veterans benefits for those who were discharged due solely to sexual orientation. The bill will guarantee a lifetime of healthcare and disability compensation for unfairly discharged LGBT vets.

20 Shows I Saw In 2012 But Never Reviewed Here, Now Reviewed In Three Sentences Each

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Katy B at the Rickshaw Stop: “Katy On A Mission” is a hell of song. The rest, not so much, but Katy B bounced around the stage, was effervescent, etc. This show is memorable mostly for a) going to Roosevelt Tamale Parlor on 24th for the first time ever and b) hearing M83’s “Midnight City” played very loudly on club speakers.

Demdike Stare and Andy Stott at Public Works: A girl yelled “You’re the worst DJs in the world! I hate you!” repeatedly at Demdike Stare for 15 whole minutes. Andy Stott went on at 2:40am. I got a parking ticket, but it was worth it.

Aretha Franklin at the Nokia Theater: The last time Aretha played the Bay Area was 1978, so I stopped holding my breath and took a plane to Los Angeles for this, a great, great show that opened with the barn-burning “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher” and ended, of course, with “Respect.” The whole time, I thought about how Aretha was born in this run-down house in Memphis, then had a baby at age 14, then recorded her first record, and then had a baby again at age 15, which according to conventional wisdom should have derailed her whole life but LOOK AT HER NOW, an undisputed legend. Smokey Robinson was there, and walked slowly right by me, and I was speechless.

Trey Songz at the Oakland Arena: When you are headlining an arena show, it’s not a good idea to interrupt your set five songs in to show a commercial, for god’s sake. It’s also not a good idea to perform only a snippet of the great “Neighbors Know My Name.” There was a fight on the street below the BART platform afterward, and I went to Home of Chicken and Waffles at midnight to cheer myself up.

Justin Townes Earle at the Wells Fargo Center: A tall, rail-thin songwriter with a tilted hat who affectedly jerks and lurches like he has bugs in his clothes and mumble-sings like a less-drunk Conor Oberst. Plucks and pops the strings hard, especially while playing Lightnin’ Hopkins covers. Ended his set with a very touching song about his mom, and in the space between the song’s last chord and the rousing applause, you could hear audible gasps all around you.

Gabe’s Top 25 Jazz Discoveries of 2012

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I’m always digging for old jazz albums at record stores and thrift shops, and for all the love I have for contemporary popular music, I’m usually listening to jazz while at home. I rarely have any reason to write about these records, though, which is why I round up the best of what came across my turntable at the end of every year. (Should you be so inclined, here are my lists from 2009, 2010 and 2011.) These are not new jazz records—just old stuff that I never discovered before.
Linked throughout these descriptions are links to YouTube clips; I hope you’ll click around and find some new music to enjoy. Or, hit up your local record store! We’re also lucky to be in the midst of the great Healdsburg Jazz Festival, and, down in the city, SFJAZZ and Yoshi’s, all presenting jazz how it’s best experienced—live.
Enjoy!

Charles Earland – Leaving This Planet
I thought I knew Charles Earland. (Side Two of Black Talk, featuring the schmaltz-reclamation of “The Age of Aquarius” and “I Love You More Today Than Yesterday”? Flawless!) But nothing could have prepared me for Leaving This Planet, which leads off with the title track, a dancefloor killer: “I’m gonna lee-ee-eave this planet, with all the trouble that’s in it,” sings Rudy Copeland. The outer-space theme continues with titles like “Warp Factor 8” and “Mason’s Galaxy,” and Joe Henderson and Freddie Hubbard do their thing over a lot of ARPs, Moogs, Harvey Mason killing it on drums and other wild sounds engineered by Eddie Harris in the Berkeley, CA of 1973. Highly recommended.

Rusty Bryant – Fire Eater
Behold, I give unto you, the “Fire Eater” drum break. Idris Muhammad, ladies and gentlemen. You can let your imagination run wild on how many times I picked the needle up on this and replayed it the day I found it. The bass drum and the toms have the world’s most violent arm wrestling match with the cymbals cheering them on, and then the beat drops back down and the snare’s like, “It’s cool, I’m just rolllllllling through.” You better believe it’s been sampled like crazy. I have a friend who was bugging out even harder over it, and he’s an actual DJ, so I traded it to him for…

Steve Grossman – Some Shapes To Come
…which has some fine drum breaks on it, too. But I was into the Steve Grossman LP for the nutzoid remainer, which erects much through destruction. The tones on this album are distorted, the piano is electric, the rhythms sound like a herd of antelope running across hard pavement. Adventurous, strange, and on some unknown label from New Jersey. I don’t know much else about Steve Grossman, other than he played on A Tribute to Jack Johnson and some other Miles Davis albums you probably don’t listen to very often. But this one’s killer, through and through.

Duke Edwards & The Young Ones – Is It Too Late?
When you’re playing the “Name A Jazz Album That Needs To Be Reissued” game, you can’t do much better than this. Duke Edwards and his band lived in Montreal, and had the weight of the world on their shoulders when they recorded this freeform, socio-political masterpiece. Edwards delivers sermons, entreaties and tortured personal manifestos over loosely-structured but not too-out music. Filled with soul and tears, “Is It Too Late?” evokes all the anguish for the human race and tumult of 1968 in one perfect 14-minute track. It’s not on YouTube anywhere, but this, from the same album, gives you an idea.

Dec. 29: Fishbone at 19 Broadway

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fishbone.jpg

Gather ’round, kids. I’m going to tell you about a time when funk/ska/rock music ruled the world. In this corner, there were the Red Hot Chili Peppers, in that corner was Infectious Grooves, to your right Mr. Bungle, to your left the Mighty Mighty Bosstones—and lording over all of them was Fishbone. Hailing from Los Angeles and fronted by the outrageous Angelo Moore, Fishbone’s live shows always brought it hard and conjured up the urge to skank and mosh like there was no tomorrow. Just try to count how many times “Party at Ground Zero” got played at parties and skate parks after its 1985 release, but I guarantee you’ll probably die counting. Fishbone bring the noise on Saturday, Dec. 29, at 19 Broadway. 17 Broadway Blvd., Fairfax. 9pm. $20. 415.459.1091.

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1. The 24-Hour Band Contest at the Arlene Francis Center 2. The-Dream at the New Parish 3. Pulp at the Warfield 4. Nicki Minaj at the Paramount Theater 5. Miguel at the Oakland Arena 6. Bruce Springsteen at the HP Pavilion 7. Frank Ocean at the Regency Ballroom 8. Los Tigres del Norte at the Wells Fargo Center 9. Aretha Franklin at the Nokia Theater 10. Vijay Iyer...

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Katy B at the Rickshaw Stop: "Katy On A Mission" is a hell of song. The rest, not so much, but Katy B bounced around the stage, was effervescent, etc. This show is memorable mostly for a) going to Roosevelt Tamale Parlor on 24th for the first time ever and b) hearing M83's "Midnight City" played very loudly on...

Gabe’s Top 25 Jazz Discoveries of 2012

I'm always digging for old jazz albums at record stores and thrift shops, and for all the love I have for contemporary popular music, I'm usually listening to jazz while at home. I rarely have any reason to write about these records, though, which is why I round up the best of what came across my turntable at the...

Dec. 29: Fishbone at 19 Broadway

Gather ’round, kids. I’m going to tell you about a time when funk/ska/rock music ruled the world. In this corner, there were the Red Hot Chili Peppers, in that corner was Infectious Grooves, to your right Mr. Bungle, to your left the Mighty Mighty Bosstones—and lording over all of them was Fishbone. Hailing from Los Angeles and fronted by...
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