Your Letters, 2/12

Mind the Gap 

Donald Trump is doing what more than half the country could only dream of for far too long. When Trump dodged a bullet, the whole world dodged a bullet. I hope you print this in your Pacific Sun and open your closed mind. I do not think you and your readers are wrong about everything. You are, however, wrong about Trump, who won three times—a proven fact.

Gerald Norton
Mill Valley

Bank on It

Recently, there was an article in your paper about volunteering for agencies that help our community. This letter is to inform your readers that some nonprofits give their CEOs salaries of $100,000 to $750,000 annually and higher. In Sonoma County, the CEO of the Redwood Empire Food Bank receives over $300,000 a year.* 

I strongly encourage your readers to instead support a small, committed organization named the California Homemakers Association (CHA), as their staff are not paid any salary. It is an all-volunteer service organization. They help people with many essential needs, including food and clothing, and free assistance from many different types of professions. 

They are local and can be reached at 707.591.9573 and are located at 1819 Fourth St. in Santa Rosa. They always welcome volunteers who have one-time or continuing part-time work.

Betty Le Donne
Santa Rosa

*Verified via ProPublica’s Nonprofit Explorer.

The Self-Marriage of Cristie Kiley

When I first heard about mirror weddings, I did a spit-take. But as I mopped my Jack and Coke with bar napkins and seltzer water, the whole thing became less comic to me.

Listen, we’ve all had sober conversations about self-care and self-love. Those concepts call into question our relationship with ourselves—are we compassionate with ourselves, or do we hate ourselves? So perhaps self-union is the true end and consummation of a self-love journey, where upon hallowed altar, we make a lifelong commitment to loving ourselves.

It’s not necessarily an alternative to traditional marriage, says Cristie Kiley. One must love and respect oneself before they can attract and receive love from others. 

And what bigger love could we have? Who but ourselves will go the distance, match our freak, and share humor and all our secrets? … But there I am, writing my own self-marriage vows.

Let’s just say I had my head turned by this brave and bodacious young woman.

CH: I saw the beautiful portraits of your self-marriage on the Yuba River that you styled yourself. Cristie, could you share with us your self-marriage vows and promises?

CK: Yes! “I promise to no longer seek external validation—especially from men—in order to feel worthy and seen. Instead, I now give myself the validation, encouragement and reassurance that I need. I promise to accept and adore the majestic being that I am—all of my parts, the strong and the weak, the beautiful and the ugly, the vibrant and the muted.”

CH: This commitment to loving yourself lifted you up from a “rock-bottom” in your relationship with men?

CK: Yes … ( sharply exhales ) In our society, we are taught to be codependent, and we are taught to hate ourselves and always look for who will complete us or fix us. And … I was in a very dark place … seeking externally what is only accessible from within.

CH: I understand that on your self-wedding day, you gave yourself a rose quartz and diamond ring engraved with the words “self-love always,” which you wear on your pinky.

CK: Yes. It serves as a frequent reminder of my vows to myself…

Learn more: See Kiley’s wedding photos. She is a professional photographer, videographer, art director and stylist. Since her wedding, she has offered fantasy-inspired self-love and empowerment shoots alongside her traditional wedding packages. Follow this link, linktr.ee/cristiekileyLINKS.

In a World of Nonsense, Try to ‘Stop Making Sense’ of It

David Byrne and his Talking Heads concert film told us to Stop Making Sense in 1983. 

Forty years later, it was restored, honored and rereleased. It hit like a storm.

At Larkspur’s Lark Theater on New Year’s Eve, people were dancing in the aisles with joy, matching the joyous musicians on the screen. Stop Making Sense continues to demonstrate David Byrne’s lyrical urgency that we stop trying to make sense of modern times. 

Nowadays, artists play second stage to influencers; art is replaced with content, and our urge to seek creativity is dulled by scrolling social media blips. Byrne’s lyrics uphold their messages well, blasting a list of charges against those allowing this cookie-cutter normalcy. 

In his song, “Heaven,” he sings, “Heaven, heaven is a place where nothing, nothing ever happens.” Regarding the song “Burning Down The House,” Byrne said, “when I wrote the lyrics back in 1982, the title phrase was a metaphor for destroying something safe that entrapped you.” He also said, “Like the film title, it doesn’t make literal sense, but it makes emotional sense.” 

These songs still invite us to stop making sense of unoriginality, of an unkind, precarious world, and of online algorithms that steer us into consuming disempowerment and dread. All this resonates in his songs “Crosseyed And Painless,” “What A Day That Was,” “Once In A Lifetime” and “Life During Wartime.” 

This rings and sings so true now. And as the film progresses, this urgency builds until it explodes our senses with an ecstatic performance.  

As 2025 is shaping up to be chaotic, David Byrne’s lyrics hold fast, so let’s try to stop making sense of the senselessness and get creative.

Phillip Saxon Lieb is from Petaluma, where he played guitar in alt rock bands Maltese Falcons, Trap A Poodle and operated a used record store, Vinyl Planet. He currently lives in Marin County.

Hats Off: ‘The Motherf***ker with the Hat’ at Left Edge in Santa Rosa

Santa Rosa’s Left Edge Theatre continues to push the boundaries for North Bay theatre audiences with another provocative production, this time with a show whose title is usually redacted in print. Steven Adly Guirgis’s The Motherf**ker with the Hat runs at The California through February 22.  

Guirgis, who won the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for Drama for Between Riverside and Crazy, made his Broadway debut in 2011 with this darkly funny tale of addiction, love, infidelity, and other betrayals that starred Tony-nominated Bobby Cannavale and Chris Rock. 

Former drug dealer Jackie (Danny Bañales) comes home to his girlfriend Veronica (Mercedes Murphy) with good news. The parolee has gotten a job and can’t wait to celebrate. While waiting for Veronica to shower, he notices a hat that isn’t his on the nightstand. Worse, the bed reeks of Aqua Velva and… something else. 

After a brutally foul-mouthed fight, Jackie runs to the home of his AA sponsor, Ralph D. (Isiah Carter), who takes him in. The seemingly straight-arrow Ralph is all about tofu, yoga, and nutritional beverages. He thinks it’s time for Jackie to move on from Veronica, but Jackie can’t. Instead, Jackie’s got a gun, and he’s going after the motherf**ker with the hat.

Jackie’s Cousin Julio (Sergio Diaz) and Ralph D’s wife Victoria (Grace Kent) are soon involved, and before long, some devastating truths are revealed. 

Director Serena Elize Flores has a crackerjack cast at work here. Murphy opens the show strongly with functioning addict Veronica in a funny, one-sided phone conversation with her addict mother. Bañales makes your heart ache at times for Jackie, but he is his own worst enemy. Kent does very well as Victoria, who is as desperate for love as Jackie, and Diaz brings a lot of lightness and laughter to the show with his gym-loving, empanada-frying, Jean Claude Van Damme-emulating Julio.

But it’s Isiah Carter’s Ralph D. who’ll get under your skin. Carter is a dynamic young actor who’s been away from the stage for a few years. Flores has given him one hell of a role with which to return, and he in turn gives one hell of a performance. It is easily the most complex and multi-layered of the characters and Carter plays all the character’s layers of duplicitousness beautifully. 

The action is limited to three distinct locations, and set designer Argo Thompson and director Flores utilize The California’s relatively small stage to maximum effect. 

The Motherf**ker with the Hat is as adult a show as is produced in these parts. The subject matter, language, and a brief bit of nudity may make some uncomfortable. 

Good. These are uncomfortable times.

By the way, who is the motherf**ker with the hat? 

Spoiler alert – they all are.

Left Edge Theatre’s ‘The Motherf**ker with the Hat’ runs through February 23 at The California Theatre. 528 7th Street, Santa Rosa. Wed – Fri, 7:30 pm; Sat., 1 pm. $22–$44. 707.664.7529. leftedgetheatre.com

Shell Game: Hog Island, Google collab makes waves in oyster scene

What happens when Marin’s own Hog Island Oyster Co. collaborates with Google’s new Gemini AI? Apparently, the answer is a Super Bowl commercial that spotlights how AI technology can benefit small businesses across the nation.

For those who don’t know, Hog Island Oyster Co. is a beloved local oyster business that’s been at the forefront of Marin’s food scene since it was founded in the early 1980s. 

What began as an idea for a funky seasonal roadside oyster bar evolved into a culinary cultural staple of the Bay Area. Now, Hog Island will represent California’s small businesses in a nationally televised Super Bowl commercial.

Hog Island Oyster Co. is one of only 50 businesses nationwide that was chosen to be featured in Google’s 50 States, 50 Stories Super Bowl commercial. The commercial will air during the big game and can be watched locally as a community at the San Francisco Market (or at home on the TV).

“We were pretty excited when Google approached us—I mean, who wouldn’t like to be in a Super Bowl commercial?” said John Finger, founding partner and CEO of Hog Island Oyster Co. “50 companies, 50 states, and we’re the one in California that they wanted to work with.”

“You start a company because you’re passionate about something, but you are not necessarily an expert in marketing or copywriting or building inventory tracking models,” said Harris Beber, head of marketing for Google Workspace. “That’s where AI should come in—to help you do more of what you love, less of what you don’t.”

So, how exactly has Hog Island Oyster Co. used Google Workspace and Gemini AI to do more of what they love and less of what they don’t? Well, as with all technology, it’s all about how one integrates new technologies into the workplace, ideally to alleviate strenuous, time-intensive tasks. 

In other words, the integration of new technology can act as a useful tool that allows small business employees the luxury of more time and energy for work they love while delegating taxing tasks to the tech.

A great non-AI example of this kind of technological tool is Hog Island’s use of tipping bags in their oyster growing process.

“On the oyster growing front, the development of tipping bag culture has been a game changer in terms of tech,” explained Finger. “Using the tide to tumble the oysters around…creates a system where they hang down vertically in a low tide and the other direction in high tide. That’s a big game changer for us because some of the stuff we used to do manually we’re now having the tide do for us.”

By harnessing the power of the tides through tipping bag technology, Hog Island lifted a portion of the manual labor from its employees. And, by assigning the environment itself to do the job of tumbling the oysters, still achieved the desired result of tumbling: to slow down the oyster growth and get deeper cups and firmer meat.

“Once the oysters… are out in the bay, we’re relying a lot on nature,” Finger explained. “The food, water, oxygen flow—it’s all about the place, being keyed into a healthy estuary and about being mindful of our impacts.”

“We had looked at [using AI] a little bit, but it wasn’t until Google approached us with Gemini that we really considered its benefits,” added Finger.

So, what exactly are the benefits of Gemini in Hog Island’s local small business, and where exactly do oysters and AI intersect? Well, it all comes down to the data. While human minds are extraordinary biological supercomputers capable of great feats, accessing and analyzing decades of data in order to detect and predict trends is still a time-consuming endeavor—unless, of course, one has a computer smart enough to do it instead.

“Over the years, we’ve had databases to track things like growing and inventory and weather patterns, and those data sets are our company’s biggest assets,” Finger explained. “We’ve had all this data for years, but our big question was, how do we analyze all that?”

“That takes a lot of time if a person is doing it,” Finger continued. “Realizing that we can ask Gemini AI, ‘Hey, if we plant this number of oysters here, when can we project that 75% of them are going to reach extra-small size?’ and being able to get those answers without a huge amount of time, we’re pretty excited about that.”

Through the integration of Gemini into the Hog Island business model, West Marin’s local oyster growers can now have the consistent upper hand in predicting restaurant needs through the year, manage inventory flow and streamline the supply chain to guarantee customer satisfaction with little waste. In turn, this leaves the experts more time to devote to the work they are truly passionate about, like interacting with the community and making/eating great oysters, of course.

“My favorite oyster dish…I really do like them raw; just the essence of ocean with a little bit of lemon on it is something else,” Finger said. “If you cook them at all, I’d say grilled oysters is the way to go, especially the harissa grilled oysters we do at Hog Island.”

“In the wintertime, our trademark Hog Island Sweetwater is complex umami-rich and has a little bit of a smoky rich finish to it,” Finger continued. “In the summertime, I really like our Hog Island Atlantic—it has a snappy brine to it and a minerality.”

According to Finger, the three biggest factors that determine an oyster’s unique flavor and qualities are the type of oyster, the place it is grown and the hand that grew it.

“We coach our team members on [oyster varietals] all the time—it’s a lot like wine,” Finger explained. “This is our 42nd year in business, and having our origin in the ’80s put us right at the time of the whole California food movement.”

“The folks at Hog Island are experts at what they do—growing great oysters, and creating incredible experiences for the community,” said Beber. “We love to see how they’re using AI to help track and manage their inventory today, and we’re so excited for how they continue using this technology in the future.”

Whatever exciting new technology is on the horizon for Hog Island, Finger asserts that the business model is and always will be based on two core principles: “Do we have enough oysters, and do we have the right people?”

“[Hog Island] is a people-intensive business,” said Finger. “So, no, we won’t be replacing our servers with robots. But can AI help us process information faster and more efficiently? Yes.”

“We have been part of the West Marin community forever, and we feel our ethos, beyond taking care of the environment, is taking care of the community we’re part of,” concluded Finger. “Over the years, people have been saying we’re in the fabric of the area, Marin County. It makes us really proud to think back on what we’ve created and that anybody cares about that—it’s a cool thing.”

End Times: Pretty Frankenstein is in love at the apocalypse

Pretty Frankenstein has a certain attitude toward the perils of the moment. It comes across in the band’s new single, “Love Letter to the Apocalypse,” just released across streaming platforms.

A slow, deep burn, the song has the feel of something stirring deep within the heart, a creaking refrain of a timeless theme with particular resonance at this inflection point in history.

“It’s talking about being with the person that you love during the chaos of an apocalyptic situation,” said the songwriter in a heartfelt chat by phone. “What it means for me now is a sense of defiance.”

The song had a long road to release, being written by fronthuman Grey Starr for their husband 10 years ago. In that time, it has continually evolved, finding its final form in part shaped by the current line-up of Pretty Frankenstein.

“I’m very happy with this version, you know? It does the most justice to the style I wanted the song to sound,” mused Starr. “A lot of the time when you write a song, you have all these different ideas in your head, and I feel like this is the closest to how I wanted it to sound.”

With the twang of Roy Orbison filtered through the echo chamber of Mazzy Star, the single is a musical love letter to the band’s distinct inspirations and personal roots.

Pretty Frankenstein will follow up the single with a music video this month, just in time for Valentine’s Day, giving fans visuals to their take on love in an apocalyptic world. 

The glam-vampire aesthetic of the band lends a playful kink to the probing message of the song, one of love, authenticity and the power of communion in the face of threatened erasure. 

“I felt like the song needed to be released now. Right now is a time where we kind of feel hopeless, and there’s a [reflex] to almost go into hiding at the moment,” explained Starr, echoing the sentiment of queer folks all around America right now.

“[For] people like me and other queer people, other queer people of color, and trans people, for my band and really anybody on the spectrum of queerness, I think now is a time to stand proud and be close to one another,” said Starr. “Get closer to your community; be kind of like safety nets for each other.”

Preach.

“My guitarist and my bassist, who sings backup vocals in this song, are married as well. They’re a lesbian couple, and [that brings] more connection and love to the song,” said Starr. Having multiple connections of love and co-creation cloaked in the commitment signified by marriage makes the message all the more salient for the end times.

Starr, who will also be organizing the Filipino Festival in Oakland in May, offers plain and simple advice. “Help your communities,” they summarize.

“[With] all that is going on around us, all these laws targeting queer people, staying in the fight is the most revolutionary thing you can do. I think right now being close to your community of other queer people is very important,” Starr continued.

The message aspires to be intersectional and universal. Starr knows that people across all categories are feeling despondent right now. Can we learn even from those different from ourselves? Pretty Frankenstein and Starr want to spread love by showing love.

“Hopefully, other people will get that same sense from the song, you know?” they said.

As corporate and federal actions align to threaten individuals and communities across a diverse swath of society, Pretty Frankenstein reminds us that it is a time to be loud and proud.

‘Love Letter to the Apocalypse’ by Pretty Frankenstein is streaming now on one’s favorite platform.

Deportation on the Menu: Trump’s Immigration Policies Affect How We Eat

Nearly every bite of food we eat in the U.S. has passed through the hands of an undocumented immigrant. 

Along the entire food system, from farms and vineyards to meat processing plants and restaurant kitchens, undocumented immigrants feed our nation.

That is especially true here in the North Bay, where, according to chef Elijah Trujillo, immigrants are the “unsung heroes.”

Trujillo, the son of immigrants, has worked in some top Sonoma County restaurants and is the co-founder of Shokakko Food Truck.  

“In Sonoma and Napa counties, we’re wine country, wine and agriculture. That’s our bread and butter; that’s what we tout to the world. And if you look at it, it’s all run off of immigrants,” Trujillo said. “If you were to take that labor force away, the whole thing would collapse.”

Undocumented immigrants make up around half of U.S. farm workers, 47% in 2022, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and an estimated 75% in California.    

At the other end of the food system, undocumented immigrants represent 9% of the hospitality workforce nationwide, according to the Pew Research Center, and up to 40% in cities like Los Angeles, according to the nonprofit One Fair Wage.

“If you’re around it every day, you stop seeing it,” Trujillo said of how easy it is to overlook the contributions of undocumented immigrants to the North Bay’s world class wineries and restaurants. “If you stay at a hotel, guess what? The kitchens are immigrants, the housekeeping’s immigrants, the people that built the darn buildings are immigrants.”

President Donald Trump has promised to deport all 11 million undocumented immigrants living in the U.S. and signed a slew of executive orders, including declaring a national emergency at the southern border, reinterpreting the 14th Amendment to end birthright citizenship and forcing asylum seekers to remain in Mexico.  

Although the swift deportation of 11 million people is legally and logistically unlikely, a study by American Farm Bureau Federation estimates that if U.S. policy took the stance of enforcing deportations without offering a path to citizenship, essentially what Trump has proposed, then farm income would drop 15-29%. 

These losses could lead to the closure of hundreds of farms and vineyards, with producers of fruit, vegetables, meat and dairy hit the hardest. We’d likely see food shortages and be forced to increase imports, and, according to the study, the price of groceries would likely rise 6%. 

Trump himself couldn’t escape the hypocrisy when an immigration lawyer argued that Trump Winery in Virginia knowingly hired undocumented workers for the harvest season in 2020.    

While a 2017 law makes California a sanctuary state by preventing law enforcement from cooperating with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), on Jan. 7 of this year, a different agency, Border Patrol, rounded up people who looked like farm workers in parking lots in a Kern County raid. This resulted in 78 arrests, showing that the state is not immune to immigration sweeps. 

Rumors of more raids reached wine country. And Madeline Hernandez, regional directing attorney at Immigration Institute of the Bay Area, worked to dispel the false information and offer resources to the immigrant communities.

Sheriffs from Sonoma and Napa counties have stated they will comply with the state law and stay out of immigration matters. Other institutions, like the Napa Board of Supervisors and Napa Valley College, have reinforced their commitment to keeping the immigrant community safe from ICE raids. The Marin sheriff has not responded. 

Since many immigrant households are of mixed legal status, Hernandez said the fear of family separation leads people to stop going to work and stop shopping, disrupting the economy. The fear also leads to decreased school attendance, and dissuades immigrants from seeking healthcare and reporting crimes.    

There’s a myth that undocumented immigrants get paid cash and don’t contribute taxes, but the opposite is true. While there are strict punishments for businesses that get caught paying under the table, there’s plausible deniability in accepting a fake Social Security card and putting an undocumented immigrant on the payroll. 

“If you’re a working individual and you’re on a payroll, you are paying taxes. You actually are getting Social Security and other things taken out of your paycheck monthly. And then when you retire, whenever you finish working, you’re not eligible to receive the benefits that you worked for,” Hernandez said. “It’s really sad for a lot of individuals who have worked for 40 plus years.”

In 2022, undocumented immigrants paid $8.5 billion in taxes in California alone, and $96.7 billion nationwide. According to the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy, undocumented immigrants pay 8% of their income in taxes, compared to the top 1% of taxpayers who pay just 5.4%. 

They pay into a system they don’t benefit from, work in the shadows of the glitzy industries that rely on them and live in constant fear of deportation. 

“Regardless of what your views are, or how you feel about the issue, I think it is an issue that needs to be talked about,” Trujillo said. “Whether you want to get involved or not, it directly affects every aspect of your life.”

The contradiction between Trump’s aggressive deportations and the reality that our region’s pride and joy: wine and food, rely on the hard work of undocumented immigrants, is coming to a head.

A Comedy of Eros, Dating in One’s 50s

At some point, I stopped trying to count how many first dates I’d had. Was it 37? 48? The number was less important than the slow realization that I was essentially speed-dating the entire middle-aged male population of the North Bay. 

It was like I had unwittingly entered an endurance race, but instead of a medal at the end, I got ghosted by a guy named Gary, who called his dog his “business partner.”

I’m not new to the game—just newly single after a long-term relationship ended with the mutual realization that our love had evolved into something best described as “amicable roommate energy.” 

So, I dusted off my metaphorical dating shoes (a pair of well-worn Blundstones, because, North Bay) and jumped into the deep end of the dating pool. What I discovered was that the pool is shallow, chlorinated with the tears of ex-wives, and occasionally features a rogue pool noodle that thinks it’s ready for commitment but is, in fact, just floating aimlessly.

The Apps: A Graveyard of Bio Clichés

I started with the usual suspects: Bumble, Hinge and the requisite three-day stint on Tinder, before realizing it was where hope went to die. Bumble seemed promising—if one ignored the profiles that were either entirely photos of motorcycles (are you dating, or is it just the Ducati?) or contained bios like “fluent in sarcasm” and “I’ll make you laugh—guaranteed.” The men here were very into hiking, very into IPA culture and very committed to never texting back in a timely manner.

Hinge had more of a “I’m ready for my second marriage” energy, which I admired. But there were also a lot of photos of guys standing on boats. Where are all these boats? Is there a secret marina full of midlife divorcées waiting for me to swipe right?

And, of course, there was the friend setup, which was less of a lifeline and more of a slow-motion disaster that I walked into because I am an optimist.

Date #1: The Man Who Hugged Too Long

Gary (not his real name, but if you’re out there, Gary, I hope your dog is thriving) was a setup from my well-meaning yoga friend. She described him as “a really deep thinker” and “super into spirituality.” This should have been my first clue that I was about to embark on a journey best documented for anthropological study.

We met at a vegan café in Mill Valley. He arrived wearing a linen tunic and exuding the strong scent of patchouli and aura work. He held my hand a beat too long when we met and said, “I already feel so connected to you.” I nodded politely, as one does when someone on mushrooms starts explaining quantum physics at a party.

Over matcha lattes, he shared that he lived off the grid (but had excellent WiFi, somehow), and he made his living leading “intimacy retreats” in Sonoma. (“Intimacy” being the operative word here.) When I asked what that entailed, he gazed deeply into my eyes and said, “Let’s just breathe together for a moment.”

And reader, I did. Because I am polite. And because I was still hoping for a slice of banana bread before I fled the scene. But as we sat there, eyes locked, breathing in rhythm like two synchronized swimmers in the pool of what is my life, I realized I was in the opening chapters of a woman-in-peril novel.

Ultimately, the moment ended when I fake-checked my phone and told him I had to pick up my (nonexistent) dog from the groomer.

Date #2: The Man With the Exit Strategy

Then there was Steve. Steve, I found on Hinge, and his profile gave off solid “dad who does his own taxes energy.” He had a beard (as required by North Bay ordinance), two kids in college and liked “exploring new restaurants.” Perfectly fine.

We met at a wine bar in Petaluma, and within 10 minutes, I knew two things:

1. He was very prepared for this date to be terrible.

2. He had an escape plan.

I discovered this when, midway through our charcuterie plate, he glanced at his Apple Watch and said, “Oh man, my buddy just texted me—he’s locked out of his apartment. I should probably go help him.”

I stared at him, asking, “Your buddy, a grown man, has no other way into his own apartment?” 

Steve blinked and said, “Yeah, well, he, uh… lost his keys?”

I took a sip of my wine and nodded, saying, “That’s weird because I thought you were the one looking for the exit.”

To his credit, he did not try to deny it. He just shrugged and said, “You seem cool, but I have a rule about not dating women who have read more than 100 books.”

I stared at him and said, “That is… a very specific rule.”

He replied, “I dated a woman who read 200 books in a year once. It was intense.”

And that’s how I got dumped for literacy.

The Philosophical Reckoning

After these (and other) adventures, I started wondering: What exactly was I looking for? Was I actually searching for love, or was I just accumulating material for a Netflix dramedy starring Sarah Paulson? (Working title: On All Dating Apps.)

As Miranda July aptly puts it in All Fours, “You had to withstand a profound sense of wrongness if you ever wanted to get somewhere new.” Maybe I was looking for love, or maybe I was just looking for a dinner partner who could hold a conversation that didn’t involve “spiritual downloads” or escape plans.

What I do know is this: Dating at this age is less about chasing the fairy tale and more about finding someone whose weirdness complements one’s own. Someone who won’t judge your overly complicated coffee order or your encyclopedic knowledge of ’90s rom-coms. Someone who might, on a random Tuesday, say, “Hey, let’s go to that weird roadside attraction in Sebastopol,” just because it seems fun.

Until then, I’ll be over here, living my best protagonist life—awkward, hopeful and still open to whatever strange, beautiful thing comes next.

Kris Eff lives a fictional life in Petaluma.

Con Game of Life, ‘Six Degrees…’ in Sonoma

Six Degrees of Separation is the concept that everyone can be connected via six or fewer social connections. First posited in the 1920s, it entered the cultural lexicon in 1990 through John Guare’s play of the same name. Sonoma Arts Live is staging a production of Six Degrees of Separation through Feb. 16.

Socialite friends told Guare a story about a young man who claimed to be the son of Sidney Poitier and ingratiated himself into their lives. From that story, Guare developed his award-winning play.

Art dealer Flan Kittredge (Larry Williams) and his wife, Ouisa (Mary Samson), are entertaining a guest (Lukas Raphael) with the hope of him making a substantial investment in an art piece.  They’re interrupted by the arrival of Paul (Jonathen Blue), a young man claiming to have just been mugged, who turns to the Kittredges for help, as he is a friend of their children. Paul is invited to spend the evening.

Ouisa discovers Paul in bed with a hustler, and Flan throws them out. They contact their children and discover they’ve never heard of Paul. How did he know so much about them? Who was he? Their investigation leads them to other people who had similar experiences, one ending in tragedy. How were they all connected?  

The human desire for connection is at the heart of this play, and the measures one’s willing to take to make those connections provide the drama. The measures one takes to project an “image” provides the comedy. 

Director Libby Oberlin cast the show well, with Jonathen Blue showing impressive range and a complex dramatic character. Mary Samson is remarkable as Ouisa, whose desperation for a genuine connection with Paul as a replacement for the lack of connection with her children is palpable. Larry Williams also does well as the family patriarch. 

A very talented ensemble (Jake Druzgala, Beth Ellen Ethridge, Pilar Gonzalez, Sean O’Brien, Jess Rodgers, Felizia Rubio, Tim Setzer, Lukas Raphael) takes on multiple roles and through those characters provides many of the play’s lighter moments.

Six Degrees… is neither pure comedy nor pure drama but a show where both are utilized to engage an audience while subtly addressing such issues as classism, racism, the allure of celebrity and the vapidity of Cats. It’s as much a rumination on storytelling as anything else.

Other than some unnecessary directorial flourishes, this production is a story well told.

Sonoma Arts Live presents ‘Six Degrees of Separation’ through Feb. 16 on the Rotary Stage at Andrews Hall in the Sonoma Community Center, 276 E. Napa St., Sonoma. Thurs-Sat, 7:30pm; Sun, 2pm. $25 -$42. 707-484-4874. sonomaartslive.org.

Rebels With a Cause: ‘UNRULY’ Opens at SoCo Museum

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The San Francisco Art Institute was never about playing it safe. 

For more than 150 years, the institute nurtured rule-breakers, visionaries and artists who colored outside the lines—sometimes quite literally. The legendary institution closed in 2022, but its rebellious spirit lives on in UNRULY: North Bay Artists from the San Francisco Art Institute, opening Feb. 15 at the Museum of Sonoma County. 

The exhibition honors SFAI, the oldest and most influential fine arts school on the West Coast, which fostered generations of bold, boundary-breaking art. The show illustrates the school’s notable impact on the North Bay art scene. It includes 18 North Bay artists who studied or taught at the institute, featuring more than 30 works, including painting, photography, sculpture and mixed media. 

Guest curator Jude Mooney, an SFAI alumna and Sonoma County liaison for SF Artists Alumni (SFAA), says, “In times of political and social division, teaching young people to think outside the box and speak their minds is more critical than ever.”

SFAI was founded in 1871 by Northern California artists and intellectuals. By the 20th century, it was renowned for its radical exploration and occasional controversy. Mooney showcases these aspects in UNRULY.

“The work that I was drawn to was more experimental, mixed media or really pushing boundaries in the way we think about art because we can learn from the work that is really asking questions,” Mooney says. “There were plenty of well-behaved artists at SFAI, but it’s often the rule breakers who stand out.” 

Historically, SFAI became a hub for innovation in art and culture in the American West, setting the trends rather than following them. The vast, glowing color field paintings of SFAI professor Mark Rothko—though not featured in this show—were a radical departure from the norm in their time.

“I recall a young man in my painting class who did not feel like painting,” reminisces Mooney of her own days at SFAI. “While I toiled away at my paintings, he found a creative way to not paint and make it through the critiques. Each day, he peed in a mason jar. The color of the pee was different each day because of what he ate. In our [critiques], we looked at all his jars of pee together against the white wall and discussed the varying shades of yellow. Our teacher, Carlos Villa, accepted the student, his work, and everyone took it very seriously. Acceptance was a big part of the ethos.”

Featured UNRULY artists include Richard H. Alpert, Chester Arnold, David Best, Mark Grieve, Robert Hudson, Anton Kuehnhackl, Evri Kwong, Virginia Linder, Janis Crystal Lipzin, Phil McGaughy, naomi murakami, Sam Roloff, Alice Shaw, Simone Simon, Liz Steketee, Inez Storer, Hwei-Li Tsao and Heather Wilcoxon.

UNRULY traces the creative lineage of living SFAI artists. To put this in perspective, multi-media artist Virginia Linder studied at SFAI in the late 1950s, while photographer Anton Kuehnhackl completed his MFA just before the school closed in 2022. 

“The loss of the San Francisco Art Institute is a blow to the Bay Area art community,” says Mooney. But while SFAI’s closure marks the end of an era, alumni and supporters are determined to carry its spirit forward.

‘UNRULY: North Bay Artists from the San Francisco Art Institute,’ Feb. 15–June 8. A public opening and reception will be held, and two live performances will be given by SFAI alumni. From 5 to 7pm, Feb. 15, at the Museum of Sonoma County, 425 Seventh St., Santa Rosa. The event is free. museumsc.org

PUBLIC PROGRAMS

Curatorial walk-through (artists present) at 2pm, Saturday, March 8. Free.

SFAA Spotlight Online Program featuring artist Liz Steketee in conversation with ‘UNRULY’ curator Jude Mooney at 10am, March 3. Free.

SFAI librarian emeritus Jeff Gunderson speaks about the history of Sonoma County’s SFAI alumni at 5pm, Saturday, April 19. $10 general public. Free for SFAI alumni.

Museum hours are Wednesday through Sunday, 11am–5pm. Adults: $10; seniors 62+, students, people with disabilities: $7; museum members: free; children 12 & under: free. Through Museums for All, those receiving food assistance (SNAP benefits) can gain free admission for up to four people to the Museum of Sonoma County simply by presenting their EBT card.

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