Mother’s Day began with more ambition than a mere brunch reservation.
According to the Smithsonian American Women’s History Museum, the holiday’s roots include Julia Ward Howe, who in 1870 proposed a Mother’s Day for Peace—an international gathering of women to oppose war after the carnage of the Civil War and the Franco-Prussian conflict.
Later, Anna Jarvis championed the version now familiar to greeting-card aisles and prix fixe menus, only to later despise what it became: the commercialization of maternal devotion.
Which raises an uncomfortable modern question: If the holiday once asked society to honor mothers, why does contemporary motherhood often feel like an impossible performance review?
Dr. Angele Close, a clinical psychologist who works with mothers navigating stress, trauma and identity strain, says the demands of motherhood have not merely increased—they’ve migrated inward.
“From a psychological perspective, the role of motherhood hasn’t just expanded—it’s become internalized,” Close said. “Today’s mothers are expected to not only do more but to be more: more present, more patient, more attuned, more self-aware, while also maintaining careers, relationships and a sense of identity.”
That’s quite the to-do list. Raise children, remain professionally relevant, sustain romance, maintain abs, meal prep, volunteer, hydrate and smile through it all.
Close notes that previous generations faced plenty of hardship, but modern mothers are now measured against an ever-refreshing gallery of curated standards.
Social media has transformed parenting into a spectator sport, where every milestone or family vacation can feel like evidence in a case against one’s adequacy.
“What I see clinically is that the pressure is no longer just external—it becomes an internal standard that mothers measure themselves against constantly,” she said. “Social media amplifies this, creating a sense that there is a ‘right’ way to mother, and that it should look both effortless and deeply fulfilling at the same time.”
The result, she says, is a near-constant cycle of self-appraisal. “Am I doing enough? Am I being enough?” becomes the background hum of daily life.
This erosion of self-worth can manifest as anxiety, burnout and the nagging sensation of failing despite being deeply committed and fully engaged. In other words: trying hard, caring deeply and still feeling behind.
Then there is the labor that rarely gets listed.
“One of the most overlooked aspects of modern motherhood is the invisible emotional labor,” Close noted, describing the work of anticipating needs, regulating children’s feelings, managing schedules and often stabilizing the emotional climate of the entire household.
Signs of strain may not look dramatic. They can arrive as irritability, withdrawal, self-criticism or losing any sense of identity outside caregiving. A mother doesn’t need to collapse on the kitchen floor to be overwhelmed. Sometimes she simply becomes unavailable to herself.
Close is particularly blunt about one popular coping mechanism. “We need to stop masking the challenges mothers face with a wine drinking culture that gaslights real struggles in coping, connection and competence,” she said.
That may sting in regions such as this where imbibing pinot noir is practically a civic duty, but the point lands: Numbing stress is not the same as addressing it.
What would healthier motherhood look like? Less branding, more humanity.
Close advocates moving away from perfection-based narratives toward what she calls “good enough” motherhood—an approach that allows for imperfection, repair and individuality. Not every mother experiences the role the same way. Not every day feels sacred. Ambivalence does not equal failure. Exhaustion is not moral weakness.
“Being a ‘good mom’ doesn’t look one way,” she pointed out. “Self-trust, not external comparison, is what ultimately supports both mothers and their children.”
More than a century after Mother’s Day drifted from protest to product line, perhaps the most meaningful tribute is neither flowers nor reservation apps. It may be giving mothers something rarer: permission to be human.
To learn more about Dr. Angele Close or her book, ‘Unburdening Motherhood: A Guide to Breaking Cycles, Healing Trauma, and Becoming a Self-led Mom,’ visit drangeleclose.com.
