Important events as reported by daily newspapers and summarized by Daedalus Howell.

Monday 02.05.01

George Lucas’ own private Death Star, nestled in the hills of Big Rock Ranch in Nicasio, may be running a little dry. The North Marin Water District is at odds with Lucasfilm over the potential diversion of water from Nicasio Creek for a planned seven-acre reservoir to serve George Lucas’ 184,694-square-foot complex, which will purportedly have its own parking facility (tractor beam optional). Lucasfilm’s application was protested by the National Marine Fishery Service and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, but those challenges, as if abated by some Jedi mind trick, have been mysteriously dropped. “They were able to negotiate independently with Lucasfilm [over potential impacts to endangered species],” said Kathy Bare, a water resource control engineer with the state water regulator. (Note: Ewoks are not protected under the Endangered Species Act because they are considered vermin.)

Monday 02.05.01

Beachcomber Morgan Logan found a gray plastic cylinder while walking his dog on Salmon Creek State Beach early Sunday afternoon, reports the Press Democrat. He put the two-foot-long cylinder in his pickup truck and drove it into the town of Bodega, where he wrenched open the cylinder to discover “sand, water, and a device with corroded fins.” A mechanical fish? No! A bomb! Logan admitted, “I’m not an authority, but I knew I didn’t want to have my hands on it anymore.” Sheriff’s officials were called and identified the device as an 81mm mortar round. Though they know not from whence it came, some speculate the mortar shell was left over after a recent incident in which four elderly men in a rubber dingy stormed the shore, exclaiming they were there finally to liberate Normandy.

Monday 02.05.01

Engineering students from the University of British Columbia tethered the body of a Volkswagen Beetle to the railing of the Golden Gate Bridge, drawing first blood in what will undoubtedly become the largest college rivalry in history, reports the Associated Press. Bridge workers cut the car loose, whereupon it sank into the bay. Student Chad Brown would not reveal the culprits. “They still have to get across the border, you know,” he said. Too bad their car is at the bottom of the bay. Plans for retaliation are under way–students from Sonoma State University suggest plaguing the Canucks with unnecessary performing arts centers.

Sunday 02.04.01

Santa Rosa firefighters have scored a $20,000 thermal imaging camera that allows them to “see” through thick smoke and darkness, reports the Press Democrat. The camera, developed by the military, can be carried like a video camera, attached to a helmet, or even used as an Internet “dorm-cam.” Traditionally, firefighters crawl low, carry a hose, and methodically feel their way through a smoke-filled room, hoping to bump into someone. Not unlike many frat-boy activities.

From the February 8-14, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

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