ARIES (March 21-April 19): In English, the phrase “growing pains” refers to stresses that emerge during times of rapid ripening or vigorous development. Although they might feel uncomfortable, they are often signs that the ongoing transformations are invigorating. Any project that doesn’t have at least some growing pains may lack ambition. If we hope to transcend our previous limits and become a more complete expression of our destiny, we must stretch ourselves in ways that inconvenience our old selves. I’m expecting growing pains to be one of your key motifs in the coming weeks, dear Aries. It’s important that you don’t try to repress the discomfort. On the other hand, it’s also crucial not to obsess over them. Keep a clear vision of what these sacrifices will make possible for you.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Satirical Taurus author Karl Kraus defined “sentimental irony” as “a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves.” Please avoid that decadent emotion in the coming weeks, Taurus. You will also be wise to reject any other useless or counterproductive feelings that rise up within you or hurtle toward you from other people, like “clever cruelty” or “noble self-pity” or “sweet revenge.” In fact, I hope you will be rigorous about what moods you feed and what influences you allow into your sphere. You have a right and a duty to be highly discerning about shaping both your inner and outer environments. Renewal time is imminent.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In his poem “October Fullness,” Pablo Neruda says, “Our own wounds heal with weeping, / Our own wounds heal with singing.” I agree. I believe that weeping and singing are two effective ways to recover from emotional pain and distress. The more weeping and singing we do, the better. I especially recommend these therapeutic actions to you now, Gemini. You are in a phase when you can accomplish far more curative and restorative transformations than usual.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): After careful analysis of the astrological omens and a deep-diving meditation, I have concluded that the coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to indulge in an unprecedented binge of convivial revelry and pleasure. My advice is to engage in as much feasting and carousing as you can without completely ignoring your responsibilities. I know this may sound extreme, but I am inviting you to have more fun than you have ever had—even more fun than you imagine you deserve. (You do deserve it, though.) I hope you will break all your previous records for frequency and intensity of laughter.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 1886, Vincent van Gogh bought a pair of worn-out shoes at a Paris flea market. When he got home, he realized they didn’t fit. Rather than discard them, he made them the centerpiece of one of his paintings. Eventually, they became famous. In 2009, a renowned gallery in Cologne, Germany, built an entire exhibit around the scruffy brown leather shoes. In the course of their celebrated career, six major philosophers and art historians have written about them as if they were potent symbols worthy of profound consideration. I propose that we regard their history as an inspirational metaphor for you in the coming weeks. What humble influence might be ready for evocative consideration and inspirational use?
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Gliding away from the routine for rendezvous with fun riddles? I approve! Delivering your gorgeous self into the vicinity of a possibly righteous temptation? OK. But go slowly, please. Size up the situation with your gut intuition and long-range vision as well as your itchy fervor. In general, I am pleased with your willingness to slip outside your comfortable enclaves and play freely in the frontier zones. It makes me happy to see you experimenting with aha and what-if and maybe baby. I hope you summon the chutzpah to find and reveal veiled parts of your authentic self.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The German word Sehnsucht refers to when we have a profound, poignant yearning for something, but we quite don’t know what that something is. I suspect you may soon be in the grip of your personal Sehnsucht. But I also believe you are close to identifying an experience that will quench the seemingly impossible longing. You will either discover a novel source of deep gratification, or you will be able to transform an existing gratification to accommodate your Sehnsucht. Sounds like spectacular fun to me. Clear some space in your schedule to welcome it.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Most of us have at some time in the past been mean and cruel to people we loved. We acted unconsciously or unintentionally, perhaps, but the bottom line is that we caused pain. The coming weeks will be a favorable time for you to atone for any such hurts you have dispensed. I encourage you to be creative as you offer healing and correction for any mistakes you’ve made with important allies. I’m not necessarily suggesting you try to resume your bond with ex-lovers and former friends. The goal is to purge your iffy karma and graduate from the past. Perform whatever magic you have at your disposal to transform suffering with love.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The blues singer-songwriter B. B. King wasn’t always known by that name. He was born Riley B. King. In his twenties, when he began working at a Memphis radio station, he acquired the nickname “Beales Street Blues Boy.” Later, that was shortened to “Blues Boy,” and eventually to “B. B.” In the spirit of B. B. King’s evolution and in accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to identify areas of your life with cumbersome or unnecessary complexities that might benefit from simplification.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Proboscis monkeys live in Borneo and nowhere else on Earth. Their diet consists largely of fruits and leaves from trees that grow only on Borneo and nowhere else. I propose we make them your anti-role model in the coming months. In my astrological opinion, you need to diversify your sources of nourishment, both the literal and metaphorical varieties. You will also be wise to draw influences from a wide variety of humans and experiences. I further suggest that you expand your financial life so you have multiple sources of income and diversified investments.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s challenging to track down the sources of quotes on the Internet. Today, for instance, I found these words attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher Plato: “I enjoy the simple things in life, like recklessly spending my cash and being a disappointment to my family.” That can’t be right. I’m sure Plato didn’t actually say such things. Elsewhere, I came upon a review of George Orwell’s book, Animal Farm, that was supposedly penned by pop star Taylor Swift: “Not a very good instructional guide on farming. Would not recommend to first-time farmers.” Again, I’m sure that wasn’t written by Swift. I bring this up, Aquarius, because one of your crucial tasks these days is to be dogged and discerning as you track down the true origins of things. Not just Internet quotes, but everything else, as well—including rumors, theories and evidence. Go to the source, the roots, the foundations.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In accordance with astrological omens, I’m turning over this horoscope to Piscean teacher Esther Hicks. Here are affirmations she advises you to embody: “I’m going to be happy. I’m going to skip and dance. I will be glad. I will smile a lot. I will be easy. I will count my blessings. I will look for reasons to feel good. I will dig up positive things from the past. I will look for positive things where I am right now. I will look for positive things in the future. It is my natural state to be a happy person. It’s natural for me to love and laugh. I am a happy person!”