Ben Schott’s ‘Miscellany’

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Crumbs of Knowledge

Ben Schott’s ‘Miscellany’ has everything you never needed to know about food and drink

By Heather Irwin

It’s the rare book that’s made me look into the toilet and really take an interest in finding out just how healthy I am based on the Bristol Stool Form Chart. According to the handy guide before me, normal, er, movements, are apparently somewhere between a three and four–I’ll spare you the descriptive details. Based on my untrained observation, things seem to be working out somewhere between a four and a five for me. I’m not sure how worried I need to be at this point.

Possibly even more cause for concern is that I’ve committed approximately eight Biblical food abominations and I may have possibly been both “squiffy” and “rosinned” in the last 48 hours, according to page 39. I’m not totally sure, but if so, this may explain the bathroom situation. My only consolation is that I can now name with confidence all of the children from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Things do seem to be looking up.

Arriving from across the pond this month is the sequel to Ben Schott’s Original Miscellany, titled Schott’s Food and Drink Miscellany (Bloomsbury USA; $14.95). Defying any real explanation, the book is a 153-page compendium of such bite-sized odd and irrelevant factoids as the aforementioned. Thank goodness, I now know that I can effectively cure a hangover with raw egg, sugar and milk (p. 121) and accurately read my own tea leaves (p. 53). Then again, after reading my own stool, I’m not sure how much more I really want to know about my future–or my past.

But I’m a sucker for totally useless information–the stuff that both concerns and horrifies your friends upon discovering that you actually know. (Horrified or not, I’ll note that I’m a popular teammate choice when it comes to Trivial Pursuit.) Schott’s Food and Drink offers just the kind of totally useless information that clogs the mind from remembering mundane things like where you left your keys and whether you’ve put your pants on.

Just last night, for example, I found myself using terms like the “Scoville Scale” (p. 47) to describe the capsicum content of the chilies in our salsa to people who frankly could care less. I now actually know that habañeros and Scotch bonnets are the hottest by far. That little jalapeño you’re choking on? Please. It’s a mere 2,500 SU’s compared to the habañero’s potential 300,000. Stop yawning, damn it!

Over the water cooler, you can let co-workers know that you’re now an expert in the various ways to prepare and eat dog and that without proper refrigeration it can be a real salmonella hazard (p. 120). Just wait and see who’s about to become employee of the month with handy tips like those!

That, of course, brings me to Toblerone peaks. How many, you may ask, are too many in such a scrumptious and velvety chocolate treat? What is enough? Is there some hidden meaning in the fact that both the 50 and 75 gram chocolate bars have 11 peaks each? The mind wobbles, to quote Kelly Bundy, over such weighty matters.

But to those of us who do not so much eat to live as live to eat, this really is important stuff. We gorge ourselves on the manna–or is it ambrosia? (no, according to p. 66, it is, in fact, manna)–of food trivia. And after gorging, we gourmands are recommended to always have an emetic (p. 11) to help avoid the perils of indigestion. Don’t worry, I had to look that up, too. It means something to make you throw up. Think of the Roman vomitoriums or high school. Eat, purge, eat.

That may not be such a bad idea when it comes to being served giant water bugs. We’re told that they actually taste a lot like Gorgonzola cheese (p. 61), but that one can never really know if one is getting a fresh water bug or not. A better choice, perhaps, would be monkeys, iguanas or armadillos, all of which purportedly taste something like rabbit. Baby wasps, if you like scrambled eggs, go down pretty easy, according to Schott’s descriptions of various odd and exotic foods.

Ack.

All of this Miscellany wackiness arose from a humorous Christmas card that Schott, a professional photographer with a “shockingly short career in advertising,” created a few years ago to effusive response from friends. From 16 pages originally, the cards became increasingly bulky with odd and humorous anecdotes. The first book, Schott’s Original Miscellany, has become an international bestseller, leading to the current food and drink compendium.

What’s so amusing about the book is that, unlike the usual top 10 or record-breaking lists, there is no rhyme or reason to the collection. It is purposely idiosyncratic in its disorder. A schematic of the Last Supper is followed by a description of Chinese bird’s nest soup, followed by the maximum refrigerator and freezer storage times for various foodstuffs. (That live lobster in your fridge is only gonna last two to three days, buddy.) It’s a bit like walking through the Ripley’s Believe It or Not Museum; you’re constantly amazed at the absurdity of it all, while vacillating between fascination and repulsion.

Among the Miscellany‘s great news is that when visiting England, you can get corn, along with tuna, on your Domino’s Pizza (p. 101). The Japanese, it seems, prefer squid to arrive atop their 30-minutes-or-less slices, while the French go for a little crème fraîche with their super-stuffed crust. Avoid poisoned mushrooms as a topping (you can identify them on p. 142), which are almost as deadly as fugu, the toxic blowfish (p. 138).

Hey, did you know that, contrary to popular belief, Britney Spear’s concert dressing room is not required by contract to contain a bag of pork rinds and spray cheese? In fact, her rider stipulates instead a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and one box of Altoids. One can never be too careful about having fresh breath while stealing the father of some poor girl’s newborn baby, especially after eating Cool Ranch Doritos (p. 146). As for the spray cheese? That’s stipulated in ZZ Top’s contract. The flavor, apparently, is at the host’s discretion, though I can personally vouch for the bacon and cheddar.

I don’t want to give away too much about Schott’s Food and Drink Miscellany, mainly because meandering through the pages and discovering the menagerie of food trivia is the real fun of the book. I will, however, reveal that you can read the complete 1870 menu of the Christmas Day dinner served at Voisin’s in Paris.

Suffice it to say that during that winter, things got pretty economically tough at the local zoo and the keepers were forced to sell the animals off to the highest bidder–which happened to be Voisin’s.

Hey, you don’t see roast camel and cats on just every menu.

From the September 15-21, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Swirl ‘n’ Spit

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Swirl ‘n’ Spit
Tasting Room of the Week

Viansa Winery

By Heather Irwin

Lowdown: We lost our group somewhere between the olive oil and parmesan dip. Suddenly, what had been a winetasting tour turned into fistfuls of mini-pretzels waving in the air as we hollered across the room, “Hey! Try the chocolate sauce over here!” Our wine glasses stood patiently until after our stomachs had been filled.

No matter what your intentions, the massive Italian marketplace/winery that is Viansa ends up only being partially about drinking wine. It’s easy–perhaps too easy–to get distracted by all the stuff that takes up nearly three-quarters of the tasting room; oils, dips, sauces, books, sweatshirts and a full Italian deli either complement or compete with actually tasting any wine, depending on your ability to focus.

The massive villa-style winery and tasting room sits outside Sonoma in the lush Carneros appellation and includes a wetlands preservation area, a large patio overlooking the reserve and groves of olive trees, in addition to all the food. Sitting outside on the patio munching on antipasti in the glow of the afternoon sun, it’s hard not to feel just a little transported to the Italian countryside–minus the charmingly forward men and the pigeons, of course.

Mouth value: The Viansa wines are Italian-style blends of mostly Italian varieties of grapes, making for a unique experience in the region. Less formal than other types of wines, many of the reds and whites are wonderful table wines that are made to pair well with foods. The Athena Dolcetto ($19.50) is an amusing blend of Muscat and Sangiovese that has lots of ripe berry. The 2003 Sauvignon Blanc ($14) is crisp and light and perfect for opening outside with lunch. The 2003 “Vittoria” Pinot Grigio ($19.50) has some funky tropical fruit flavors that can be charming with the right food pairing. The “Frescolina” Tocai Friulano ($30) is a nice dessert wine that leaves the essence of fruit and honey lingering on the palate.

Don’t miss: The property also hosts a Sonoma County wine information center that is a great resource for other local wineries, bed and breakfasts, restaurants and up-to-the-minute event information. The surrounding wetlands have been tirelessly restored by Sam Sebastiani and are open to the public for a limited number of annual tours. And, for my money, the smoked mozzarella dip ($9) is a jar to head for.

Five second snob: Sam and Vicki Sebastiani broke from the dynastic Sebastiani Vineyards in a rift fairly characteristic of the oft-squabbling Sonoma family. Then again, being fired by your mom and replaced by your brother can sometimes cause slight feelings of contention. The couple turned over operations to their now-grown children this year.

Spot: Viansa Winery and Italian Marketplace, 25200 Arnold Drive, Sonoma. Open daily, 10am-5pm. 707.935.4700

From the September 15-21, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Fixed-Gear Bikes

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: Fixed-gear rider Ian Lautze hides behind irony with his lipsticked tattoo. We know the truth. –>: The fixed-gear bike’s sleekness adds to its appeal for the chain gang. –>

Down from the dizzying heights of titanium rides comes the newest must-have item: the fixed-gear bike. Like it ever left.

By Gabe Meline

On the Fourth of July, I hopped on my bike with some friends for a ride out to the western reaches of Sonoma County. We’d planned it for a couple days, and I was ready for the challenge of riding with more experienced cyclists for whom a 35-mile ride is no sweat at all.

The plan was to stop by a Santa Rosa coffee shop on the way out of town and pick up a friend. The sun was starting to heat up, and it was going to be a sweltering day. The cafe was bustling and we found our friend in his spandex riding outfit, sipping coffee with an amiable fellow in corduroys and a long-sleeve sweatshirt.

“Hey, mind if I join you?” the guy asked us.

Joining up for a long ride at a moment’s notice in hot clothes seemed pretty bold, but I thought, what the hell, if he wants to suffer in cords and a sweatshirt, that’s his deal. He hopped on his bike and we pedaled westward. A swift 25 minutes later, we had already reached Sebastopol. I’d started to sweat when we stopped at an Occidental Road gas station, so I got an iced tea and offered some to the dude in corduroys.

“No thanks,” he told me. “I’ll be fine.”

I looked down and harrumphed to myself. He was riding one of those bikes.

 

There’s a back-to-basics method of transportation on the road, and its name is the fixed-gear bicycle. With as few moving parts as possible, it offers its riders utmost simplicity with no frills–a return to cycling’s roots in an age of spiraling technological advances.

A surging young demographic has curiously latched on to fixed-gear bikes in the last few years. Out in the garage, instead of souping up a hot rod for maximum power, kids fresh out of high school are minimizing by ripping apart Dad’s old 10-speed and removing all but the most necessary moving parts. Give me that old-time manpower, the defiant de-creationist says, it’s good enough for me.

To understand what’s going on here, some explanation is in order: a fixed-gear bike has only one speed and no freewheel. Essentially, this means two things: you cannot change gears and you can never stop pedaling. The chain is linked directly around a single rear-wheel cog, tight and immovable, so that when the bike is in motion, the pedals are in motion and your legs are in motion.

What to do with all this motion when you suddenly need to come to a stop? Remember the opening segment of The Flintstones where Fred and Barney stop their cars with their feet? It’s pretty much the same thing with a fixed-gear bike. A large number of fixed-gear riders remove all the brakes from their bikes, relying solely on their own legs to slow down and quickly pedaling backward in order to skid to a stop.

It doesn’t make any sense, I know. Yet considering that expensive mountain bikes with lavish accessories and all sorts of fancy extras now account for the majority of bicycle sales, the fixed-gear craze isn’t really all that bizarre. Culturally, it is an equal and opposite reaction by a group of passionate individuals to what they consider an illogical obsession with complexity.

Fixed-gear bicycles, after all, used to be the only bikes you could buy. In the early days of the Tour de France, the race was ridden entirely on fixed-gear bikes, and contestants would have to manually change gears for the mountains by removing their rear wheel and replacing the back gear. The freewheel offered riders the ability to coast in the 1930s; years later, shifters and derailers came along and changed the fixed gear forever. Disappearing from the mainstream entirely, the out-of-date design was useful mostly for diehards in winter training and for velodrome, or track, racing.

Some 70 years later, bicycle messengers in San Francisco and Manhattan started riding fixed-gear bikes for deliveries, and in no time at all, a fixed gear became not only de rigueur for messengers coast to coast, but an instant accessory to the modern lifestyle. Like making graffiti art or getting tattooed, riding a fixed gear succeeds to confuse most normal people, and thus achieves hipster status.

Obsessively distrustful of trends, I began cursing every fixed-gear bike I saw. Useless, I said. Inefficient. Unsafe. And the worst crime of all: increasingly popular. I couldn’t ride my bike anywhere, it seemed, without someone offering to turn it into a fixed gear. Even friends of mine who had also railed against them, who I had thought were on my side, turned up at my door one by one, riding loathsome two-wheelers of capitulation.

Of course, I hated fixed gears, but had I ridden ever one? Hell no.

 

Our Fourth of July entourage rode along Occidental Road, up through the rolling hills of Mill Station Road and stopped at an intersection on Graton Road. “We can head back through Graton,” it was announced, “or turn left and hit the Harrison Grade.”

I wasn’t about to blow my chance. I had heard of this Harrison Grade, lauded in the same way as, say, a dangerous secret swimming hole is. All I knew was that it was very long, very winding and very downhill. It sounded like a total scream. We turned left.

Little did I know that in order to get to the Harrison Grade, we’d have to climb a lengthy hill. I settled into my lowest gear possible, but every time I looked ahead, there was nothing but more hill. At one point someone had spray-painted “no bikes” across the asphalt. I wondered if this was a threat from an annoyed local or a compassionate message of warning to turn back.

I finally reached the others at the top and we chatted about the different low gears on our bikes while squirting water into our dry throats. Some riders had used a “granny gear,” an especially low gear that I immediately coveted.

Meanwhile, the guy in corduroys said that he needed a cigarette. His bike didn’t have a low gear or, I noticed, any brakes. The Harrison Grade was right around the corner.

The others plunged down the hill ahead of me like rockets, and I soon lost sight of them. Just to be on the safe side, I kept my hands on the brakes, negotiating the plentiful sharp turns and keeping my increasing speed in check. Halfway down the hill, I released the brakes completely, and my bike accelerated to breakneck velocity. It was kind of scary, and about 20 seconds later I wrapped my white knuckles around the brake levers again.

Careening down the Harrison Grade is a thrill that I’m glad I saved for so long. It’s a lot like jumping off a high dive or slow-dancing with a girl for the first time. There’s a certain electricity to it that makes you feel young and eternal.

I caught up to my friends at the bottom of the hill, all of us flushed and excited. The guy in corduroys was beaming. He had just survived one and a half miles of steep downhill, sharp turns and all, with no freewheel, no gears, no helmet and no brakes.

Come to think of it, flirting with death is a young, eternal thrill, too.

 

The crazy guy in corduroys is 19-year-old Buck Olen. Sitting in his bike-filled garage a few weeks later, he’s very serious about one thing: he did not make a habit of watching the television show My So-Called Life. But his younger sister did, and Olen has a vague recollection of an important awakening.

“What was the curly-haired guy’s name, who was, like, a friend and wanted to be her boyfriend or whatever?” he asks. “He was a bike messenger and he rode a fixed-gear bike.” Surrounded by the fixed-gear bikes that he now builds, rides and sells for a living, Olen is understandably embarrassed that he first heard about them from a lame TV show.

Olen shares a suburban Bennett Valley house with a web designer, a Food Not Bombs activist and an artist who sometimes stays up until 7am. Here in the garage, with its token sagging couch and pile of laundry in the corner, is where Olen works. If you’re looking for a custom fixed-gear bike but don’t know where to find an old frame or how to convert it, he is your man.

“There’s actually a lot of fixed-gear riders around who don’t think what I’m doing is necessarily the right thing,” Olen explains. “For them it’s like a club, and they definitely think that the number of fixed-gear riders should be limited.”

When Olen finished Coast Guard duty earlier this year, he hadn’t so much as touched a bike in two years. All of the old friends that he used to ride BMX bikes with were suddenly riding fixed-gear bikes instead, and his fascination grew into obsession. He quickly bought his first fixed gear, got a bicycle delivery job for a sandwich shop downtown and hasn’t looked back since.

“There’s a lot of different things that appeal to me,” he explains. “Simplicity is a big one.” To make things even simpler, Olen also usually rides without brakes, “mostly for the challenge,” he says. “I like having it be up to me how I stop the bike. Fixed gears are so maneuverable and efficient that I haven’t had a problem riding brakeless so far.”

I mention the Harrison Grade and his ride down it without brakes. “It was great,” he recalls. “I haven’t felt fear while riding in a long time, and I definitely did that day.” He chastises himself for cutting a couple of corners too tightly and riding into the oncoming lane, “but basically,” he says, “I was constantly accelerating.”

Today in the garage, there are 10 assembled bikes, with five more in various states of repair throughout the room. His work counter is absolutely overrun with sockets, Q-tips, cables, washers, spokes and hundreds of other tiny things in no discernable order. Olen fishes a derailer out of the pile and offers it to me for a bike that I’m working on for a friend. It’s no big deal, he says. When you take 10-speeds and turn them into fixed gears, you wind up with a lot of extra 10-speed parts.

Lately, more and more people are asking Olen for fixed-gear bikes; he has a waiting list of six customers on his schedule at the moment. As for the elitist attitude that many young fixed-gear riders have, Olen instead respects the level of experience required to achieve truly chipped shoulders. “There’s just as many old guys out there,” he says, “who are maybe even a little more pretentious about it because they have been riding fixed-gear bikes their whole lives.”

Olen advises first-time fixed-gear riders to use brakes and start with a low gear for ease in climbing hills. If you ride brakeless, expect to replace your rear tire every two months or so as a result of skid-stopping. The shock of not being able to coast takes some getting used to, and be sure to keep your chain well-maintained. Oh, and another thing, he says. Be prepared to be insulted out on the bike trail, particularly by those known as the spandex-wearers.

“There are some riders out there who really get kind of grumpy about it for no apparent reason,” he warns.

 

Freewheels are good!” says Jason Silverek, mildly irritated at having to state the obvious. “They were invented for a reason!”

The 33-year-old cyclist has had just about enough of all this fixed-gear nonsense, especially because of his job at Santa Rosa’s Bike Peddler, where he has to deal with it every day. “It’s good that these kids are into bicycles,” he acknowledges, “but it’s kind of directly related to hanging out at the coffee shop and being one of the ‘fixed-gear kids.'”

Silverek points out that such amenities as freewheels, different gears and brakes make riding a bike easier in every way, whether it be hopping up a curb or even turning a sharp corner without scraping the pedals on the ground. Fixed gears can make crashes worse, he says, “because once you panic, the bike can really throw you. It’s all your weight moving the bike forward. The pedals aren’t gonna stop moving, no matter what.”

Silverek, like many a serious cyclist, actually owns a bike with a fixed-gear option and rides it from time to time. But he can’t understand why someone would want to ride a fixed gear as a primary bicycle, especially around town. “Maybe fashion, cycling and high gas prices finally mixed,” he offers, “and spawned another fixed-gear surge.”

The Bike Peddler sells mostly mountain bikes these days, and the store’s front counter displays some of the accessories designed for the ultimate riding experience. Silverek predicts that most fixed-gear riders will eventually discover mountain biking. In his three years at the shop, he says, “you can see them go through the progression pretty quickly.”

While we’re talking, a middle-aged woman test-riding a bike takes a spill out in the parking lot, and Silverek quickly rushes to her aid. She’s fine, but he returns with a cautionary observation. “It’s a good thing she wasn’t riding a fixed gear.”

 

Up the street from the Bike Peddler is NorCal Bike Sport, where there’s almost always a quiet-spoken technician working in the back named Bill Schum. Schum has worked at local bike shops for over 20 years and has a veteran’s expertise with virtually everything bike-related.

“It’s amazing what these kids can do,” he says, impressed by the special tricks that a fixed gear allows. (For example, only on a fixed-gear bike is it possible to actually ride backward.) “But I wish that they would wear helmets and use brakes. I mean, it just makes sense.”

Moving to Sonoma County in 1971, Schum himself used to ride fixed gears almost exclusively for years with a pack of likeminded friends. They’d go riding every day before and after work, discovering as much out-of-the-way countryside as possible.

Riding conditions have changed in the last 30 years, and so has Schum. He, too, has been into mountain biking lately, though he still sometimes rides a fixed gear and counsels the new breed of enthusiasts. He knows their secret communion, their defensive sense of pride. “We always felt like anybody could ride a bicycle,” he smiles, “but fixed gears were for the special people.”

 

The hands-on experience of actually riding a fixed gear is what has most riders hooked, and many of them dust off the old saying that if you try it once, you’ll never go back. Being on a fixed gear is touted as providing a mystic connection to the bike and the road, a communion of man and machine. With legs in constant motion at an unwavering rate, it is as if you and the bike are one.

If you don’t understand the feeling, the fixed-gear riders say, then you never will. It’s just something that you have to do firsthand, which is why I took my grumbling to the road. Since fixed-gear riders speak mystically of “pushing themselves,” of “setting their mind to it” and similar high-minded goals, I decided to ride one to the beach.

Is there anything more immediately liberating than riding a bike on a beautiful summer day? It’s all there, wrapped up in one simple act: freedom from walking, freedom of movement, the joy of discovery, the thrill of one’s own ability and the excitement of velocity.

Except today it’s overcast and my feet are strapped to the pedals, to whose constant motion they are slaves. It’s jarring at first, threatening to eliminate all freedom, joy, thrill or excitement. Luckily, there aren’t too many others out on the Joe Rodota Trail, so it looks like I don’t have to worry about losing control and clobbering a small child. Thankfully, the fixed-gear bike I’ve borrowed for the day has a front hand brake–what some hardcore fixed-gear riders sneer at as a “cheater.”

I stop by a bike shop in Sebastopol and check out a map to decide which route I should take. I have never ridden a bike to the beach before, so I’m clueless. I stare at the map until, like pulling a name out of a hat, I settle on what sounds like a good enough route: Coleman Valley Road.

I’ve gotten used to the basic mechanics of the bike by now, but along Occidental Road the limitations of the fixed gear really kick in. There are a few uphill sections that are excruciating without a lower gear, but I slow down and pace myself, stopping sometimes to drink water or fix a clip that comes loose from a pedal. Finally my legs dance up and down during the welcome, mile-long descent into the town of Occidental.

After a brief taqueria stop, I find Coleman Valley Road. One glitch: it’s brutally uphill to start, and it’s not long before I have to hop off the bike, hang my head and begin the walk of shame. My wobbly legs, having been in constant motion all day, are hot and burning. I’ve got an unaccountable, almost manic dedication, and as soon as it’s flat enough, I’m back on the bike.

So it goes for the rest of the day, riding most of the time but hiking up the big hills. Some baffled sightseers along the way ask about my funny-looking bike. When I explain to them what it is, how far I’ve ridden and how wrecked I am, I get an understated response: “It’s a good thing they invented different gears.”

The absolute euphoria and overwhelming beauty of the view keep me going. At the height of Coleman Valley Road, there are golden, rolling California hills as far as the eye can see, with a small patch of ocean in the far distance. It’s unbelievable that I’ve lived here my whole life without experiencing this length of asphalt, and the anticipation of further discovery keeps pushing me closer toward my goal.

After the long, winding stretch that terminates at Coleman Beach, I drop the bike to breathe in the salty sea air of success. I’m honestly amazed that I made it, and looking at my stripped-down bike, I reflect on what an amazingly simple invention it is. Wheels, pedals, a chain and a frame. Just add a strong dash of determination, and a few hours later you’re shooting pinball at the Tides, the seals in the bay behind cheering you on.

 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that, all social trappings aside, riding a fixed-gear bike is pretty much the same as riding a regular bike. I could have taken my 10-speed along the hills of Coleman Valley Road and it would have felt the same. I’d still feel triumphant, it would’ve still been beautiful and man-oh-man, I’d still be sore for days afterward.

All of my grumbling about fixed-gear bikes seems frivolous and unimportant now. Like complaining about current hairstyles or annoying celebrities, it’s a lot like spitting back at rain. It’s also hard to justify giving a bad rap to something as self-affirming as riding a bike, no matter how ridiculous the bike may seem to be.

Still, I started wishing I had some options with me on my 43-mile beach ride, especially on the long way back home. Freewheels and gears give you the option to make your life easier, which is a valuable asset when your battered mind starts playing tricks on you. Six hours into my trip, pedaling deliriously past apple orchards and stray roadkill, I started mumbling to myself: just give me the illusion of ease, I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.

So when I finally reached the easy, flat stretch of trail back into Santa Rosa, I was filled with goodwill. I wanted to go back in time and hug Joe Rodota, whoever he was. I wanted to help strangers. I vowed to never criticize what I couldn’t understand, and I vowed to never curse at a fixed-gear bike ever again.

But would I ever ride one again?

Hell no.

From the September 15-21, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

‘Cabaret’

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: Nancy Prebilich as Sally Bowles and Greg Grabow as the emcee in Cinnabar Theater’s ‘Cabaret.’ –>

Cinnabar’s staging of ‘Cabaret’ transcends

Cinnabar Theater is gone. That is, the inside of the little red theater on the hill in Petaluma is gone. What has replaced it, rearranging a number of the seats in the process, is the Kit Kat Klub, the notorious Berlin nightspot from Masteroff, Kander and Ebb’s 1967 musical, Cabaret.

In the Cinnabar’s sharp, sexy, inventive new staging of that classic show, directors Elly Lichenstein and Nancy Prebilich have transformed the theater into a slightly creepy 1939 nightclub, complete with tables adorned with telephones (so visitors can pretend to call other visitors to offer sultry propositions, something the actors occasionally do) and a number of roving Kit Kat Boys, German-accented waiters in fishnets and makeup, wearing existentially bored expressions and skimpy torso-exposing aprons, who wander the club preshow to take drink orders and flirt with the women and men filing in to take their seats.

The play is essentially a love story, set in pre-WW II Berlin as rumblings of danger pop up here and there but are largely ignored by the heads-in-the-sand singers and dancers at the Kit Kat Klub, where “Everything is beautiful!” Actually, it is two love stories. Uptight American novelist Cliff Bradshaw (Chris Koval) has fallen for an unstable English actress, Sally Bowles (the magnificent co-director Nancy Prebilich), the Kit Kat’s star. Complicating their relationship is the vaguely criminal Ernst Ludwig (Robert Dornaus), who comes to Cliff for English lessons, but appears to be interested in more.

The other relationship is between Cliff’s middle-aged landlady, the moralistic but pragmatic Fraulein Schneider (Joan Hawley) and Herr Schultz (Dwayne Stincelli, marvelous in this role), a lonely Jewish fruit seller whose idea of courtship involves the gifting of pineapples.

As these relationships evolve, we can’t escape the pull of the Klub, where the emcee rules the show, escorting us through a parade of human vice and decadence, with such songs as “Money, Money,” “Two Ladies” and, of course, the show-starting (and -stopping) “Willkommen.” As played by Greg Grabow, the emcee is less overtly sinister than in other productions, but his play-all-sides ambiguity and his aggressive blankness make him genuinely frightening–and very, very funny.

Now, here’s my confession: I’ve never been crazy about Cabaret.

Every stage production I’ve ever seen has been unable to effectively blend the various elements of the script. Usually, the bittersweet sentimentality of the Herr Schulz/Fraulein Schneider storyline is at odds with the darker stuff emerging from the other love affairs, often seeming as if it was written for an entirely different musical. And, with a number of tiny characters appearing to speak a few lines before disappearing forever, many Cabaret productions seem top-heavy with actors and faces, unable to figure out what to do with everyone.

While I have a few small quibbles with this production, Lichenstein and Prebilich have solved the plot problems by reducing the cast to a manageable and versatile troupe of supporting players (mainly the Kit Kat Boys) who each take on a number of other small roles. For once, the love stories are tonally balanced and work together as two varieties of a similar heartbreak.

As the story moves toward tragedy, as the rise of Nazis can no longer be ignored, the production becomes increasingly surreal, and the final moments are genuinely chilling. By the end, as Bowles takes the spotlight to reprise the titular number (“Life is a cabaret”), it is no longer possible to believe that “everything is beautiful,” but in this first-rate Cabaret, it is quite possible to be dazzled just the same.

‘Cabaret’ runs through Oct. 9, with remaining shows Sept. 17-18, 23-26, Oct. 1-3 and 7-10. Thursday-Saturday at 8pm; Sunday at 2pm. Cinnabar Theater, 3333 Petaluma Blvd. N., Petaluma. $28-$30. 707.763.8920.

From the September 15-21, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Sonoma County Book Fair

: Chitra Divakaruni is among the literary lights appearing at this year’s Book Fair. –>

Sonoma County Book Fair celebrates the area’s rich literary stew

By Gretchen Giles

Sonoma County poet laureate Terry Ehret gives a short, quick chuckle. “I grew up thinking that, for the most part, writers were dead people–nice dead people, but dead people nonetheless.”

Speaking by phone from her Petaluma home, Ehret muses about the importance to aspiring writers of actually seeing live, available writers read their work aloud.

“There was nothing like this when I was growing up,” she says, referring to the Sonoma County Book Fair, slated for Sept. 18. “I could not have imagined going to a fair and seeing hundreds of people who were actively engaged in creating books.”

This, of course, is exactly what happens with the annual Book Fair, now in its fifth year, a swarm of literary tents and events covering Santa Rosa’s Old Courthouse Square. The brainchild of NEA chairman Dana Gioia–then just a celebrated Windsor poet and the progenitor of a vigorous national debate on the role of poetry in modern life–and philanthropist painter Jack Stuppin, the fair was founded in order to take greater notice of the North Bay’s thriving literary arts scene.

“Dana’s idea was perhaps a little more trade-book-oriented, the kind of thing that might generate income that would be used to keep such a thing going and support the arts,” Ehret remembers. “This was back in 1999. And then I sort of fell out of the discussion for a while. Eventually, the idea evolved of having this be much more of a local event, focusing on writers and publishers who lived in Sonoma County. I thought that was a brilliant idea, to shift it back to being a celebration of what is really a remarkable literary community.”

And indeed, while many of the writers featured at this all-day event–such as novelist Jean Hegland (Into the Forest, Windfalls), SSU professor and author Jonah Raskin (American Scream), teen expert Mavis Jukes (Like Jake and Me), Press Democrat historian emeritus Gaye LeBaron, 2003 O’Henry winner Molly Giles and a host of others–have area roots, the fair also offers writers swinging by as part of national book tours.

East Bay novelist Chitra Divakaruni reads from Queen of Dreams, her Berkeley-based novel about how the events of 9-11 disrupt a woman’s life through postattack racism, which publishes this week. Diane Johnson, who not only wrote the screenplay adaptation of Stephen King’s terrifying Shining, but also adapted her recent work, Le Divorce, for the benefit of actress Kate Hudson and the big screen, comes on Saturday to read from her natural sequel, L’Affaire. And Marin poet Jane Hirshfield, whose plans to attend three years ago were snarled by the disasters of 9-11, reads from Given Sugar, Given Salt in fulfillment of the commitment she made then.

Indeed, 9-11 still weighs heavily on the event.

“We were really worried that we would not have an audience come out [that year],” Ehret says. “Understandably, people were nervous about gathering in large groups in small places. Many of our authors were stranded. But it was remarkably well-attended. Many people came because they felt the need to be with other people and because at every venue, our national grief was addressed and people needed that. It was very gratifying.”

In addition to big names and local artists, this year’s fair salutes cartoonist Charles Schulz. While certainly a beloved figure, does the work of a cartoonist belong at such an event?

Ehret brooks no doubt.

“Charles Schulz was someone who, along with his wife Jean, contributed enormously to the community,” she says. “I’ve never questioned for a minute that a cartoonist is a serious artist and producer of literature. I’ve never excluded ‘cartoonist’ from Literature-with-a-capital-L. I would say that my early political education and that of my children came from cartoons. Like satire, humor is a great vehicle for critical thinking. As a commentator on American culture, human nature and children, Schulz is surprisingly philosophical; you might not immediately see that one strip at a time, but when you look at them collected, you really get a feeling of that cartoonist’s feeling for life. It’s all right there in the little balloons.”

As an acclaimed poet and the county’s laureate, it’s only natural that Ehret’s main focus be on the poetry tent, featuring a reading lineup and event tally she personally organized this year. For Ehret, hearing the artist read his or her own work offers special insight to feeling the poem.

“Hearing the author’s voice–where cadence, intonation, all of that is so deeply embedded in the language and so essential to the meaning–is very important in poetry,” she says. “People have said many times that after hearing me or another poet read the work out loud, they could go to the page and find a place to begin. They felt that they had been welcomed to the house of that poem and felt comfortable wandering around its rooms and looking in its medicine cabinet.

“For many readers,” she muses, “poetry can feel like a closed house.”

In order to keep its metaphorical house open, the poetry tent is situated smack amid all of the other events in Old Courthouse Square. “I didn’t realize how much of an effort it takes for some people to say, ‘I’m going to listen to a poem,'” she laughs, “so we made it as easy as possible for them to dip in and out of our location.”

Also honored this year is the late poet Gene Ruggles, who died this June at the Hotel Petaluma, in great part due to his love of drink. Ruggles’ demons kept him from reading his work much in public. Ehret aims to saturate fairgoers in Ruggles’ oeuvre by having one of his poems read every half hour or so before each new poet reads. “He’ll be heard all day long,” she says. “Whatever people may feel about the man, we admire the work.”

Later, she says, “The writing community here is very supportive of each other. The difference between New York or L.A. or San Francisco, where I did work and live for some time, is the difference between a kind of acting company that’s star-oriented and that which is ensemble. I think that in New York it just has to be [star-oriented]; that’s the way that books are made and sold there. Sonoma County is different in that respect, but I think that’s probably true of many literary communities around the country. There aren’t any stars, but we do have an incredibly rich literary community.”

And, she says firmly, “We care that our community of writers is a healthy one.”

The Sonoma County Book Fair flourishes on Saturday, Sept. 18, in downtown Santa Rosa. Events include adult readings and children’s activities at the Sonoma County Library (main branch, Third and E streets); a poetry tent and activity stage in Old Courthouse Square; readings at the Cultural Arts Council (529 Fifth St.); and the Literary Arts Guild’s booth (Mendocino Avenue and Fourth Street). 10am to 5pm. Free. 707.527.5412.

From the September 15-21, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Steve Earle

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: Rocker Steve Earle won’t compromise. –>

Steve Earle’s American revolution

By Karl Byrn

If George W. Bush is reelected this fall, the draft will come back. Don’t doubt it. When my daughter and her friends graduate from high school in 2006, some of her friends–young men I’ve known since they were in the first grade–will be arbitrarily sent to Iraq or wherever else Bush has sent troops by then. Many of these family friends will die or be maimed there, lost permanently, as Ice-T said during the first Gulf War, “over there to fight for that bullshit most of them don’t really have anything to do with.”

That’s a future I don’t want.

I also don’t want a future that’s missing women’s rights, workers’ rights, social security, healthcare access or public education. So I have no trouble settling for a lesser-of-two-evils vote in this presidential election. I have no trouble forgoing complexly radical independent candidates and voting for the nondescript Democratic offering of John Kerry, because there’s an absolute imperative to the popular sentiment of “anyone but Bush.”

But I do have trouble with not hearing what that alternative will become. That’s the beef I have with the current surge of anti-Bush activism in rock; from the indie punks on the Rock against Bush compilations to the mainstream artists on the Springsteen-led Vote for Change tour to rap impresario Russell Simmons’ Hip-Hop Summit, these musical statements of what we’re obviously against aren’t offering details about what we ought to strive for beyond electoral change.

Steve Earle’s latest disc, The Revolution Starts Now both contributes to and helps solve this problem. Earle is a well-established and committed rock activist, known not only as a hard-rocking roots-country rebel, but also as a fervent spokesman against capital punishment and a supporter of radical economic-rights groups such as the Kensington Welfare Rights Union. His 2002 disc Jerusalem drew the fury of right-wing über-patriots for its controversial track “John Walker’s Blues,” a song in which Earle imagined the remorse and resolution of the infamous “American Taliban” in a portrait both empathetic and nonpartisan.

The Revolution Starts Now is inherently political by being a Steve Earle record. In vintage Earle style, he evokes the restless dreams of the American Everyman with Guthrie-derived folk and hurls bricks at the Man’s windows with grunge-tough rock. Picking up where the post-9-11 dissatisfaction of Jerusalem left off, the new disc bares its anti-Dubya soul.

Naturally, there’s a shadow of the Iraq war. The rollicking “Home to Houston” casts Earle’s typical regular-guy drifter in a road song about driving out of Basra. On the ballad “Rich Man’s War,” the artist asks to rile the über-right again by daring to sympathize with poverty-class American and Arab soldiers in the same breath. The most amusing jab at the Bush administration is the calypso jaunt “Condi, Condi,” a lewd come-on obviously skewering the current regime’s condescending use of Condaleeza Rice as a token woman of color.

What, then, does Earle propose instead? Like the punks, Springsteen and other musicians, Earle doesn’t spell out ideas for a new future as clearly as the anti-Bush urgency demands. What he does instead is deliver the terrific rock records he’s always made–full of humanism, humor and the grit to fight authority. But it’s not on the record itself, bookended by two versions of the title track, that you’ll find what Earle is suggesting this time. It’s in his liner notes that he takes his election year step up to the podium.

“When the dust clears and the votes are all counted . . . it will be up to all of us–Democrats, Republicans, Greens and Independents alike–to hold whomever is left standing accountable for their actions on our behalf every single day that they are in power. The day after the election, regardless of the outcome, the war will go on, outsourcing of our jobs will continue and over a third of our citizens will have no health care coverage whatsoever.”

That’s a step toward issues beyond beating Bush. Earle wants to take control back from the political forces that make him write songs empathizing with soldiers and the poor. He knows this will have to be an ongoing people’s revolution beyond rocking the vote. When the dust clears from rock’s anti-Bush activism, Earle will still be there as an outspoken rebel for justice and peace. Don’t doubt it.

From the September 8-14, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Rodney Bingenheimer

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: DJ Rodney Bingenheimer is as well-known for his friends as his discoveries. –>

Rodney Bingenheimer made the radio star

By Sara Bir

People in the know know Rodney Bingenheimer. He isn’t well-connected as much as he is universally recognized, revered and somewhat neglected by seminal rock musicians, Hollywood starlets and power players.

A spindly little thread one finds running through pop culture of the past 40 years, Bingenheimer hung out with Sonny and Cher, doubled for Davy Jones on The Monkees, secured groupies for Jimmy Page, introduced American record companies to David Bowie, and DJ’d a highly influential show on Los Angeles’ KROQ for over 25 years, where he introduced the charged, initial chords of punk rock to the West Coast masses and played Oasis back when demo cassettes were all the band had to offer.

He’s the mayor of the Sunset Strip, sort of, and now that the Rodney Bingenheimer documentary, Mayor of the Sunset Strip, is out on DVD, you, too, can be in the know. It’s a measure worth taking for any fan of rock music, or any fan of fandom. Bingenheimer’s story speaks of the true and slippery nature of fame, as well as the shifting forces that determine what music lovers hear and what we don’t.

Raised in Mountain View, Calif., by his celebrity-obsessed single mother, the teenaged Bingenheimer found himself alone in L.A. after his mother dumped him off at Connie Stevens’ doorstep. (Ms. Stevens was out on location.) A gnomish boy who grew into a slight, gnomish adult with a shaggy pageboy haircut, Bingenheimer was quickly embraced by the transient youth of the Sunset Strip, particularly the women. Benefiting from his demure yet genuine demeanor, he found himself accepted into inner circles that others were not. (Backstage at one show, Bingenheimer was able to meet John Lennon while the Doors were simply told no.)

In the early ’70s, Rodney ran a tiny club on the Strip called Rodney Bingenheimer’s English Disco, and during the peak of the glam years, all kinds of drugs and sexual debauchery raged there as parades or rock stars traversed the itty-bitty dance floor to reach the even itty-bittier VIP booth. It’s credible yet still mind-blowing that funny little Rodney, in his suspenders and satin pantsuits, reputedly got mad tail from the ladies.

That’s not the case today. Bingenheimer’s glamour-affected peers and his devoted support of them has led to a decidedly unglamorous life in “Bingenheimer Manor,” which is packed to the gills with dusty gold records, autographed photographs and an unparalleled assortment of pop-culture ephemera (it isn’t so much that he owns a Brooke Shields hanger as that she gave it to him).

KROQ gradually shifted “Rodney on the ROQ” from its original 8pm time slot to Sundays, midnight to 3am. What kind of crap is that? This dude’s affinity for playing little-known bands has pretty much single-handedly built careers from new wave to Britpop, but the target demographic for “alternative rock”–a so-called genre that Debbie Harry claims Bingenheimer created–of 18- to 24-year-olds and their almighty expendable cash supposedly does not give a rat’s ass about the music that Bingenheimer supports, which, while indeed fairly wide in scope, does not include rap or metal.

Sure, Rodney’s famous, kinda. But he hasn’t ascended to sparkling, glossy-paged celebrity because his status as the ultimate fan is so constantly affirmed. In concert footage, we see Bingenheimer, rapt, bobbing his head up and down to the music. He may have introduced the band playing onstage, but his heart is in the audience. He’s in it because he loves the music, not because he’s a businessman or a hanger-on. The Peter Pan quality that secured Bingenheimer the affections of so many has likewise held him back; he’s a beautiful person, but he’s not a Beautiful Person.

But considering how ugly Beautiful People can turn out to be, tragic Rodney still comes out a winner.

From the September 8-14, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Swirl ‘n’ Spit

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Swirl ‘n’ Spit
Tasting Room of the Week

Rosenblum Cellars

By Heather Irwin

Lowdown: Rosenblum ain’t about the hype. Though the winery is housed in some of the highest-rent property in the already high-rent town of Healdsburg, the snob factor just doesn’t register here. The Sonoma County tasting room (the winery is actually located in Alameda) is part funky, native art gallery and part, well, tasting room. Tucked under a heavy ivy awning, it’s a cool respite from the droning Jags, Mercedes and ladies who lunch clogging the streets outside.

Like so many other big Zin producers, Rosenblum likes things a little offbeat. T-shirted staff, scruffy beards and an easy manner reign behind the bar. But with nearly 20 labels in the Zin stable alone, this winery is one of the undisputed champs in the category. Without gushing too much, I can honestly say that almost all of these Zins rock–as in death metal, punk rock, foot-in-your-eye, get-out-the-lighter. Rosenblum has been awarded again and again for its Zinfandels, which thankfully have yet to get too big for their Axl Rose-worthy britches.

Mouth value: As you might guess, whites are amusing but not all that amazing. The 2002 Viognier, Kathy’s Cuvée ($14), was bright and fruity but lacked the charm of others I’ve tried in the same price range. The two reds I tried, 2001 Holbrook Mitchell Trio ($36) and 2002 Abba Syrah ($18) were fine–nice little reds, but again, not bone-rattling. The 2001 Alegria ($24) is where things start getting interesting. A less expensive Zin, the Alegria has the ripe, velvety style of Rosenblum’s higher-end wines with lots of jammy complexity and richness and that Russian River beauty.

The 2001 Annette’s Reserve Zinfandel ($28) had a bright and spicier flavor, but lacked the lushness of the Alegria. The 2002 Planchon, from the San Francisco Bay ($20), had more depth, but again, didn’t compare to the Alegria. The 2002 Monte Rosso ($38), however, had me to my knees–my palate screaming for ever-lovin’ mercy. This is an amazing powerhouse of a wine with incredible complexity and flavor ranging from blackberry to vanilla with a sweeter, friendlier finish than more forceful Zins in the same class.

Don’t miss: El Farolito (128 Plaza St., Healdsburg, 707.433.2807) kicks out the area’s best fish tacos. Served up mucho fresco in this local hole in the wall, the tacos are piled with cabbage, ranchero sauce, tomatoes and grilled whitefish. Plus it’s a killer deal at $3.50 for a small order and $6.50 for large.

Five-second snob: Founder Kent Rosenblum was and remains an East Bay veterinarian with a passion for wine. Despite his success in the businesses, he continues to work with four-legged patients. The winery’s second, less expensive label, Chateau La Paws, is a tongue-in-cheek reference to his critter friends.

Spot: Rosenblum Cellars Wine Country Tasting Room, 250 Center St., Healdsburg. Open from 10am to 5pm daily. No tasting fee. 707.431.1169.

From the September 8-14, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Tomatoes

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Totally Ripe

Love apple, wolf peach, heirloom–whatever you call it, a tomato is more than just a tomato

By Heather Irwin

About this time of year, things go from the sublime to the ridiculous when it comes to tomatoes. What starts as a sweet trickle quickly becomes a flood, covering kitchen counters and sagging windowsills as August veers warmly into September. Well-meaning neighbors foist pounds and pounds of surplus tomatoes upon each other. Graciously accepting the bounty, we’re all secretly wondering, “What the hell am I gonna do with all these tomatoes?”

First off, know your fruit. You can’t fully appreciate the tomato until you understand its seedy past. The tomato, which is actually a fruit, was first cultivated in South America, slowly creeping its way north through Mexico to what is now the United States. Seeds of the tomato made their way back across the ocean to Europe on the ships of Spanish explorers, where they were given a pretty cold reception.

A friendly member of the nightshade family, the tomato was thought to be not only poisonous but crazy-making, as in causing strange fits of amour and paroxysms of lust. The French hailed it as a “love apple,” but the Spanish and Italians found a way to make it into a staple of home cooking. Slowly, other Europeans realized that the tomato, or “wolf peach,” as it was called by the English, was pretty darn tasty.

Eventually, the Cajuns brought the whole thing full circle, introducing the tomato into their everyday cooking. From the Bayous to Boston, the craze caught on, and tomatoes were no longer shunned and ostracized as fruits of evil.

Until recently, a green tomato was pretty much an unripe red tomato. But walking the stalls of the farmer’s market, one sees that there are as many colors as there are varieties–red, black, orange, yellow and various shades and stripes in between. This food-fad du jour, the heirloom, refers to any tomato seed that can be traced back more than 50 years, including exotic styles ranging from the dark purplish Black Prince to the creamy white and zebra-striped varieties. At twice the price of nonheirlooms, do they taste any different? Maybe.

Aficionados say the lighter-colored fruits can be sweeter and less acidic, as with the difference between tangy green and sweeter orange peppers–subtle, but there. Sample for yourself when Kendall-Jackson Winery, which grows some 175 varieties of heirlooms in its demonstration gardens, celebrates the fruit’s diversity with its eighth annual fest-feast on Saturday, Sept. 11.

When doing more than just eating a tomato straight off the vine, it’s important to buy the right fruit for the job. If you’re going to can or make sauces, use canning tomatoes. They are often smaller, like Romas, and have less juice. They’ll yield a thicker, more concentrated sauce. Use small, intensely flavored cherry tomatoes for tossing into green salads. Heirlooms, with their unusual shapes and striking colors, make the most attractive presentation for such plates as insalata caprese, a fresh dish of mozzarella and tomatoes.

The best way to pick a tomato, according to chef and author Janet Fletcher, is to use your nose as a guide. A good tomato will smell like, well, a tomato. The flesh should be slightly firm, but yield to a gentle touch. If you’re putting your finger through it, it’s probably a little overripe–and if it bounces off the floor with nary a scratch, set it on the counter to ripen for a few days.

Never, and I mean never, put a tomato in the fridge. As with strawberries, the cold temperature destroys all flavor and you end up with a gooey, flavorless blob. Peak season will stretch until the first frost, but the heat of late August and September seem to yield the best of the bunch. Stay away from the comfort zone of big-name grocery stores and buy the freshest locally grown tomatoes you can find.

Once you’ve got a ripe line of tomatoes out the kitchen door, here are some of my favorite ways to get through pounds of tomatoes in no time.

Canning your own sauce is easier than it sounds and results in summer in a bottle. Halve the tomatoes and simmer them, skins on, until they’re soft. Add a healthy dose of olive oil and chopped garlic as they’re softening up. Once they’re nice and mushy, put the whole kit and caboodle through a food mill to strain out the skins and seeds. Voila! You’ve got a great little starter sauce. If you’re canning, be sure to read the USDA guidelines to make sure you do it right.

Uncooked tomato sauce requires only that you seed and chop the tomatoes, add garlic, basil, salt and pepper, and throw over hot pasta. Think of it as Sicilian salsa.

Everything is better with vodka, including tomato sauce. Start with a simple sauce, then pump it up with rosemary, garlic, several tablespoons of vodka and a healthy dose of cream for a killer penne sauce.

Insalata caprese is the ultimate throw-it-on-the-table, late-summer salad. Slice up heirloom tomatoes of varying colors, add fresh mozzarella (Bellafiore at Whole Foods is the absolute best), extra virgin olive oil (I like the locally distributed Spectrum brand), salt, pepper and a little balsamic vinegar.

Tomato soup is the ultimate comfort food. Use puréed heirlooms or rich San Marzanos to create a tasty base, then add fresh orange juice and cream for a luscious manna you’ll crave all winter.

To dry the fruit, slice any type of tomato into halves or quarters and put them in the oven at 200 degrees for several hours (up to eight, but watch them) until they are concentrated down and shriveled. You can store them for several weeks in the fridge and rehydrate or chop them dry for salads and snacks.

Create a stunning savory tart using a butter and parmesan crust, lots of cheese and top with thin slices of heirloom tomatoes. The key to a drip-free pie is to cook the slices slightly in the oven first to remove some of the water. Fresh tomatoes are also perfect on pizza and focaccia with fresh olive oil and lots of salt.

It’s not hard to find a sweet plate of ‘maters anywhere in the North Bay these days. Most are served naked, as with insalata caprese or simply with a dab of olive oil. Underwood Bistro offers an heirloom tomato soup that’s unique, and insiders say Soda Rock Farms has some of the best-tasting tomatoes around.

But if it’s heirlooms you’re after, the dizzying array at Kendall-Jackson should more than satisfy the late-summer lust of the so well-named love apple.

Kendall-Jackson’s eighth annual heirloom tomato festival is slated for Saturday, Sept. 11, 11am-4pm. Some 45 food booths will be on tap as well as music by Lavay Smith and Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers. Wine, uh huh. Kendall-Jackson Winery, 5007 Fulton Road, Santa Rosa. $55. 800.769.3649.

From the September 8-14, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

Water

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County officials say the glass is half full. Well owners say it’s half empty. Are groundwater sources evaporating?

By R. V. Scheide

There’s a deep-dish Gravenstein apple pie with golden, flaky crust cooling on the kitchen counter in John King’s family home in Penngrove, freshly baked by his mother, Florence. It’s been sitting there all afternoon like a prop from a Norman Rockwell painting, as King, whose family has farmed and ranched Sonoma County for five generations, recounts how the well on his parents’ ranch ran dry and he was drafted into the region’s water war.

“I’ve lived here all my life,” he says. Husky, with a thick lock of blond hair and wearing a Harley Davidson 100th anniversary T-shirt, blue jeans and cowboy boots, King, 47, looks all rancher, but he’s also a professional financial auditor. When his well started running dry in the 1990s, the numbers just didn’t add up. “The whole ranch used to be irrigated by a 100-foot-deep well,” he explains. “By ’96, that well was pumping mud. My parents lost their well, then all of our neighbors lost their wells. When you run out of water and you have a hundred head of cattle that need water daily, it isn’t pleasant.”

King was forced to spend $15,000 to drill a new 386-foot-deep well. The livestock were moved off the 132-acre Penngrove ranch. Concerned his ranch might permanently lose its water supply, King took action, creating a well survey form on the computer and distributing thousands of copies to residents who depend on the Southern Santa Rosa Plain groundwater basin for their water. He didn’t expect many well owners to answer, since the disclosure of water problems can torpedo property values. Yet five years later, the map of Sonoma County on one of the two flip-charts set up in King’s kitchen displays hundreds of tiny stars marking the wells of survey respondents, many of whom report such conditions as dramatically declining water levels, wells running dry and severe bacterial contamination.

Out of necessity, King’s become a self-educated expert on groundwater issues in Sonoma County. He first contacted the Bohemian to correct some of the facts in the paper’s previous installment on North Bay water issues, (Aug. 18). A great blue heron was misidentified as a sandhill crane. An acre-foot of water, he informed, isn’t three football fields as reported but slightly less than one football field. (Imagine that field under a foot of water, and you’ve got an acre-foot, 325,851 gallons, enough to supply two families of four for a year. Keep those figures in mind. They’ll come in handy later.)

One more error, King pointed out, concerned a lawsuit filed against Rohnert Park that has, for the time being, stalled that city’s development plans until it brings groundwater usage under control. King and the South County Resource Preservation Committee filed the suit, not the OWL Foundation, as stated in the story. The suit was settled in 2002, a year before OWL was formed. King wanted to ensure that the committee, comprising 200 Sonoma County families who donated to fund the litigation, gets credit where credit’s due. He good-naturedly admitted the mistake was understandable, given that he has worked with the Penngrove-based OWL Foundation and even came up with the group’s acronymic moniker, which stands for Open Space Water Resource Protection and Land Use.

But the mistake that really put a burr in King’s backside, and why he’s spending the good part of a perfect summer afternoon flipping through the charts he’s shown literally hundreds of times in city council meetings, community forums and courtrooms, is the claim that little is known about the aquifers underlying Sonoma County. There’s plenty that we do know about the groundwater supply in the county, he says, and he’s got the charts, culled from readily available public documents, to prove it.

The charts and presentation are dazzling: high-resolution blowups of maps and diagrams depicting the southern Sonoma County water basin flip by rapidly as he relates the existing data in a reasonably understandable but machine-gun-like fashion. Two diagrams feature black rings drawn around Rohnert Park’s city wells. The rings represent theoretical “cones of depression,” so-called because well pumps exert suction that radiates out into the aquifer, in some cases for miles, sucking up water in a pattern that looks like an inverted cone–or a martini glass–in cross-section.

The first chart shows 30 days of groundwater pumping; none of the rings drawn around the wells intersect. Flip. The second chart shows two years of daily groundwater pumping; the rings around the city’s wells expand into one giant cone of depression beneath Rohnert Park. “It clearly shows that the wells in Rohnert Park are competing for water,” King says. “The same thing is happening in the Petaluma Valley groundwater basin between southern Penngrove and Petaluma. We’re all competing for the same water.”

The cities, with more powerful pumps and deeper wells, are winning this competition at the expense of residents in the unincorporated areas of the county, King insists. It’s a persuasive demonstration that he finishes off with dessert.

“It’s like this pie,” he says, snatching the cooling pastry off the kitchen counter. The amount of available groundwater is a fixed quantity. “If it’s just you and me, there’s plenty,” he says, proffering the pie so that its tantalizing aroma can be sensed before quickly whisking it back to the counter. “But suppose four people come over? Eight? Sixteen?” The implication for Sonoma County’s growing population is clear. “Mom’s apple pie is a lot like water,” he says. “Enjoy it before it’s gone.”

 

John King’s not just talking pie in the sky. According to the California Department of Finance, Sonoma County’s population is projected to increase some 35 percent, or by 163,000 people, by 2020. That’s 163,000 new guests lining up at the water trough. To quench much of this growing population’s thirst, the Sonoma County Water Agency (SCWA), which currently supplies 600,000 people in Sonoma and Marin counties with potable water, has petitioned the California State Water Board to increase Russian River diversions by 35 percent from Lake Sonoma.

The increase is necessary, the SCWA says, in order to meet the future demand of those contractors to which it wholesales water: the cities of Cotati, Petaluma, Rohnert Park, Santa Rosa and Sonoma; the Forestville, North Marin, Marin Municipal and Valley of the Moon water districts; the Larkfield, Penngrove and Kenwood Village water companies; the town of Windsor; and various customers in the agricultural and government sectors. In fiscal 2001, demand by contractors on the agency’s aqueduct system was 62,023 acre-feet (AFY). By 2035, that demand is projected to increase by 43 percent, to 88,400 AFY.

Two-thirds of the agency’s water deliveries, which are measured in millions of gallons per day (1 mgd equals 1,210 AFY), go to residential use. Because the agency can’t meet the total demand for water in the county, many local contractors–as well as private landowners in unincorporated areas like Penngrove–depend on existing groundwater supplies.

For example, in 1999 the SCWA supplied an average 2.68 mgd to Rohnert Park via the Petaluma Aqueduct. But Rohnert Park’s total demand averaged nearly 7 mgd. To meet that demand, the city’s 31 active wells pumped 4.19 mgd, nearly two-thirds of the total need. Rohnert Park’s 20-year general plan projected the city’s population to increase from 41,000 in 2000 to 50,400 by 2020, with average water demand increasing to 8.5 million gallons per day.

At least that was the projection before John King and the South County Resource Preservation Committee entered the picture. By 1999, when Rohnert Park began accepting public comment on its 2020 general plan, King and a growing number of county residents were convinced the city’s voracious pumps were sucking their own wells dry. The city’s figures showed that its average daily groundwater usage for the past two decades exceeded the amount required to recharge the aquifer, a condition known as overdraft. If left unchecked, overdraft conditions can permanently damage an aquifer’s ability to store water.

To add insult to injury, the new general plan proposed building 4,500 new homes and 5 million square feet of commercial and industrial space on 1,250 acres designated as an aquifer recharge area by the state Department of Water Resources. The land, annexed from Sonoma County, lies about a quarter mile from the King family’s home.

The city wasn’t just proposing to use more water in the future; it was proposing to pave over the aquifer’s ability to recharge itself and protect the water supply, right in King’s backyard.

At the time, few people in the county were as prepared as King to enter battle. He took his flip-charts to the city council and jaws dropped. Then, with the South County Resource Preservation Committee, many of whom he met by going door to door, he hauled the data into Sonoma County Superior Court, which, as a condition of the settlement agreement reached in 2002, ordered Rohnert Park to cut its groundwater pumping nearly in half as a prerequisite for expanding beyond its 1999 city limits. Groundwater concerns, apparently for the first time in recent Sonoma County history, had halted a development plan in its tracks.

“People used to laugh at me when I talked about declining groundwater supplies all the time,” King says. “They’re not laughing anymore.”

Penngrove resident Steve Carle, a geohydrologist for Lawrence Livermore Laboratory and chief science adviser for the OWL Foundation, calls the Rohnert Park settlement agreement “the only effective groundwater management action” taken to date in Sonoma County. It also appears to be the sole groundwater management action taken in the county, period.

As Carle notes on OWL’s website, the court encouraged Rohnert Park to formulate a groundwater plan with the SCWA, but the agency declined to participate. Similarly, the agency previously declined to participate in the Department of Water Resource’s 1997 groundwater-management program, which provides state grants and educational materials to counties that choose to establish such programs.

The agency’s reluctance is perhaps understandable, considering that surface water, filtered through the Russian River aquifer, accounts for the main portion of the water it supplies. The SCWA currently operates three groundwater wells in the Santa Rosa Plain, which pump a combined 7.6 mgd, or 8,520 AFY, amounting to about 12 percent of the total it supplies to contractors. While the agency tends to downplay groundwater’s contribution in the mix, King points out that the amount pumped is equal to Rohnert Park’s consumption, and refers to the three wells, located near Sebastopol, as a “phantom city.” Because Sebastopol is the only incorporated city in Sonoma County that doesn’t receive water from the SCWA, it pumps groundwater from the Santa Rosa Plain, competing directly with this phantom city.

 

The current water-supply agreement encourages the development of local groundwater sources but leaves growth decisions up to the contractors–the cities and local water districts–none of whom currently has a groundwater management program in place. Carle believes the days of city and county officials ignoring groundwater management of Sonoma County’s 40,000 domestic wells may be over.

“Now the limits are being reached, and they’re looking for other options,” Carle says. “The contractors are trying to figure out how to squeeze as much as possible from the existing capacity.”

But this squeezing of Sonoma County’s surface and groundwater resources is coming under increasing scrutiny, from state and federal regulators, and from environmental groups and ordinary citizens living in unincorporated areas who just want to know why their wells keep running dry. During the past year, a whirlwind of legal activity, organizational efforts and public-education forums have heightened the sense that the region’s ability to provide water for the growth projected in city and county plans may be in doubt.

The Sonoma County Water Coalition, an alliance formed between members from a cross-section of local environmental groups, including OWL, the Redwood Chapter of the Sierra Club and the Sebastopol Water Information Group, is attempting to shape the county’s general plan update, which for the first time will contain a separate water element. The coalition hopes to have language that calls for “a countywide policy for sustainable groundwater management” inserted into the revised general plan, scheduled to be finalized early next year.

Crafting such bureaucratic language can be a painfully slow process, particularly when the editing and revising is being done by volunteers with day jobs and real lives. More often than not, the language gets watered down by county and city officials when the final product is released. In addition to such duty, many of the same activists made presentations at public water forums held earlier this year in Sebastopol and Bennett Valley.

The complex scientific jargon of water at such forums can be, ironically, dry, and you get the sense it makes King just a little bit antsy. At a recent Bennett Valley water forum, he directed a pointed question at Sonoma County supervisor and SCWA board member Valerie Brown, one of the evening’s panel guests: “How is it that this county can consider moving forward with a new master water agreement between the Sonoma County Water Agency and the cities of Marin and Sonoma counties to commit to and export more groundwater supplies for people that don’t live here yet when we have so many problem areas here in the county, including these people here in the room tonight?” he boomed to raucous applause.

Looking a little piqued, Brown collected herself before replying.

“I wish that you would all recognize that whenever you moved here, that’s not the last time anyone’s moving here,” she said. “We are still going to accept growth in this county. Thankfully, we have a general plan with development at a reasonable rate that can be absorbed. That means that we think differently about sanitation, land use and about water. Those all get incorporated into the growth. But is it unreasonable growth? Are we going to become San Francisco? Look at the plan, it’s not in there.”

If you don’t agree, Brown added, you can always move to Cloverdale or, better yet, Lake County.

King has looked at the plan, and is still mystified where water for the 163,000 newcomers expected by 2020 is going to come from. So are the 18 members of the Sonoma County Civil Grand Jury, who during the past year considered evidence presented by organizations such as OWL as well as the managers from the SCWA and the Permit and Resource Management Department.

Released in July, the grand jury’s report recommends that the county and each of the cities implement groundwater plans in their general plans by 2005. The report also recommended that the Sonoma County Board of Supervisors relinquish its membership on the water agency’s board and create a new, independent board of directors accountable to the electorate. However, the recommendations are not legally binding, and no sitting supervisor has voiced support for disbanding the agency’s current framework.

Watered down, once again.

 

Legal action and environmental regulation now seriously jeopardizing the diversion of water from the Eel River and the SCWA’s requested 35 percent increase in Russian River surface water have added a sense of urgency to the groundwater issue in Sonoma County. Without the Eel River diversion, Sonoma County is an island, with no other outside sources of water available. According to SCWA deputy engineer Jay Jaspers, the agency is currently working with the U.S. Geological Survey on a comprehensive study of the region’s groundwater. Jaspers says the survey won’t be completed for three or four years.

That’s not soon enough for Sebastopol mayor Linda Kelley.

“The city of Sebastopol cannot wait five years to create its own groundwater management plan,” she said at a Sebastopol water forum. “If we don’t get this thing right, there will be no Sebastopol.”

“She once sat right where you’re sitting and watched the same presentation,” King says back in the kitchen of his family home in Penngrove. He pulls out two framed aerial photographs of the ranch, one in black and white taken in 1947, the other in color, taken in 1993 from the same angle, back before the ranch’s well went dry. “This should be considered a big success,” he says, asking if any difference can be seen in the two photos. There isn’t any difference, and that’s his point.

With the exception of the removal of livestock, the King family ranch’s wide-open 132 acres, now planted in oat hay, have remained the same. Valerie Brown may be correct. Sonoma County isn’t going to become the next San Francisco, but unless someone gets a handle on the water supply, it’s not going to be the same Sonoma County that five generations of King’s family have known, either.

King is not going to sit around idly and let that happen. The phone rings constantly, someone with a groundwater question, a colleague asking about an upcoming meeting. In fact, a new group is meeting in Santa Rosa on the night we speak, something called Coalition for Unincorporated Sonoma County. As King points out, landowners in unincorporated areas continue to pay for 1984’s construction of Warm Springs Dam as part of their property taxes, but the water agency isn’t under any obligation to provide them with water from Lake Sonoma, and the water cannot be used for agriculture. The new group seeks to give a voice to the more than 100,000 people who live in the unincorporated areas of the county and want to see their rural lifestyle protected.

Just another facet in Sonoma County’s water war.

King holds up a recent photograph of his mom and dad, silver-haired, fourth-generation farmers, standing against a backdrop of chest-high oat hay, a modern American Gothic.

“This is a success story,” he says. “This is good news.”

No doubt in the days ahead it won’t be the last word heard from John King on the subject.

From the September 8-14, 2004 issue of the North Bay Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

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