An Introduction to Our Film Edition
FADE IN:
INTERIOR OF A NEWSPAPER OFFICE — DAY
The clack of LAPTOP keys resounds through an open-plan office littered with the human detritus of the media game, circa late capitalism. REPORTERS, slack jawed and bleary-eyed, hunker over their machines, weighted down by crushing student loan debt.
PAN to a cranky (though rakishly handsome editor), DAEDALUS HOWELL, 50, who slices through a fistful of NEWSPAPER COPY with a BLUESTREAK PEN.
HOWELL: Dammit, Carruthers! Where’s the human angle? Where’s the heart? This is just facts! We gotta ’nuff facts—I want the blood, sweat and tears of the little guy—
CARRUTHERS (20s), a lanky, lean, mean reporting machine, looks up from his DESK, dour.
HOWELL:—and I want that bottled and labeled by the big guy, then sold back to the little guy as the Wine Country dream!
CARRUTHERS: Last time you said “no bleeding heart crap.”
HOWELL (rising from his desk): No! I said, “If it bleeds it leads!” First rule of journalism! What are they teaching in J-school these days? For chrissakes, I shoulda stayed in Hollywood—at least there a writer knows where they stand.
CARRUTHERS: Picket lines?
HOWELL shakes his head and stamps his cigar out on the AP Style Manual. He drops back in his seat, wincing.
HOWELL: Whaddya got for this so-called “film edition” anyhow?
CARRUTHERS: Maybe How to Successfully Fail in Hollywood, C.M. Conway’s portrait of “bottom-feeder actress at the end of her rope.”
HOWELL: Word “fail” makes me nervous—next?
CARRUTHERS: Ali Afshar’s Petaluma-made Casa Grande now playing on Amazon Freevee?
HOWELL: Good work if you can get it, and I ain’t got it.
CARRUTHERS: A state of the biz feature on local theatrical exhibition?
HOWELL: Local businesses survive despite studios, streaming and—gimme another word that starts with ST!
CARRUTHERS: Strikes?
HOWELL: Kinda hung up on this labor thing, aren’t ya, kid?
Carruthers stares blankly at Howell.
HOWELL: Fine! Eleven-hundred words, Friday at noon!
Carruthers exits.
Howell lights another cigar.
HOWELL: Yep. Shoulda stayed in Hollywood.
Daedalus Howell is editor of the ‘Bohemian’ and writer-director of the feature films ‘Pill Head’ and the upcoming ‘Wolf Story.’ Updates at dhowell.substack.com.
This was pretty damned worthless. What does this have to do with Local film at all?
Hey, Cliff — As a local filmmaker, I thought it would be a fun, satirical way to open the section — a bit of self parody and newsroom humor in the form of a screenplay. Does that help?