You’ve got it all perfectly planned. The dinner reservation, the vase of roses, the handmade valentine, the box of chocolates. The stereo primed with some Teddy, some Luther, some Usher. There’s just one thing left, and that’s a good, hearty fitness warm-up for your Valentine’s night workout. That’s why, on Valentine’s Day morning, Monroe Hall hosts its Zumba-Thon for Haiti. Lovers, take note! Ramp up that cardio while helping those in need! Train for your evening’s mission(ary) by bouncing around to favela booty beats! Feel like a Brazilian person of unspecified gender on a Carnavale float while sending assistance down to those in need! With its resilient “sprung” wood floor and inception born from fundraising for the Red Cross in WW I, Monroe Hall is the perfect spot to spend two hours huffing and puffing to cumbia, merengue, salsa and more. Go home afterwards feeling like a million bucks, take a shower, splash on that Old Spice and you’re set on Sunday, Feb. 14, at Monroe Hall. 1400 W. College Ave., Santa Rosa. 10:30am–12:30pm. $15 donation. 707.570.0670.Gabe Meline
It wasn’t enough for the members of Poor Man’s Whiskey to cover “Bohemian Rhapsody.” It wasn’t enough to learn the entire 10 minutes of “Freebird.” No, the Santa Rosa string band finally reached their all-time novelty high by recording an entire bluegrass version of Pink Floyd’s opus, Dark Side of the Moon. With innovative arrangements and three-part harmonies, the Poor Man’s take on the classic album is more artistic than humorous, although this weekend they acknowledge two of the record’s most enduring spawns: laser-light shows and the dubious but entertaining connection to The Wizard of Oz. The venue will be decked out in Oz décor, the band members dressed like the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow, and revelers can experience multiple meta-levels of cultural onslaught under a haze of laser-kissed fog when Poor Man’s Whiskey performs Dark Side of the Moonshine in its entirety with an all-ages show on Saturday, Feb. 13, at the Sebastopol Community Center. 390 Morris St., Sebastopol. 8:15pm. $20–23. 707.823.1511.Gabe Meline
Oh my god Taylor, look at these guys on this flyer. The ‘California Bad Boyz.’ Oh. My. God. Male strippers. Let’s go. Let’s totally go. You have to come with me! Who cares about your stupid singles mixer that night?! This is girl’s night out. I’m not sitting at home alone on Valentine’s Day weekend watching TiVos of Days and feeling sorry for myself. Here, look at this guy. Total Rico Suave, with the bandana and the rosary. Audrey’d like him. This other guy’s your type, the one three to the right, the fitness instructor. Shut up! He totally is! Remember that Atkins diet guy you dated for way too long? Or look, how about this guy? The “I’m using this black-and-white headshot from 1987 with my gelled hair and Local Motion tank top because I’m 44 now and not as hot” guy? Look look look look look. It’s two hours long. Shut up. I wonder if they serve mojitos! We’re totally going. Call Audrey and Michelle and tell ’em it’s on Friday, Feb. 12, at the Last Day Saloon. 120 Fifth St., Santa Rosa. 9pm. $15–$20. 707.545.2343.Gabe Meline 
The average Joe who reads a book or two every year might only know author Michael Ondaatje as a novelist behind the film-adapted and Booker Prize-winning The English Patient. But Ondaatje’s minimalist prose is deeply informed by poetry, having published more than twice as many books of poetry as novels. Ondaatje sits down this weekend to talk poetry with fellow word sculptor Robert Hass, who served as poet laureate of the United States from 1995 to 1997 and whose collection Time and Materials stands as a modern masterwork. Ondaatje and Hass have appeared together before to discuss their own work together, although as with most meetings of creative minds, tributaries have always been explored—they’ve chatted about everything from British imperialism to The Seventh Seal to Robert Rauschenberg. See what unexpected topic pop up when the two literary giants appear in conversation on Saturday, Feb. 6, at the Dance Palace. Fifth and B streets, Pt. Reyes Station. 7pm. $20. 415.663.1075.Gabe Meline 
The malaise of the desert, the heat of the asphalt, the heartbreak of sprawl—these are the fuels for L.A.’s country songwriters, from Clarence White to Dave Alvin. The Southern California country scene is not and never will be as huge as Nashville’s, but it sure does influence everything around it. Who could have predicted the Byrds’ twang-tinged Sweetheart of the Rodeo or seminal punk band X regrouping as the bluegrass outfit the Knitters? Or, for that matter, the singer for the Strawberry Alarm Clock joining the outstanding roadhouse ensemble I See Hawks in L.A.? With the Strawberry Alarm Clock’s Paul Marshall—yes, that’s him singing in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls—I See Hawks in L.A. have grown into what Alvin himself calls “one of California’s unique treasures.” With high three-part harmonies and a psychedelic bent that would make Gram Parsons proud, the band celebrates their new collection Shoulda Been Gold: 2001–2009 on Friday, Feb. 5, at Studio E. Rural Sebastopol, map provided with ticket. 8pm. $22. 707.542.7143.Gabe Meline 
When you’ve fronted one of Sonoma County’s most dependable club acts and won annual awards left and right for dance-rock ditties like “Hugs Not Drugs,” what’s the next step? Become a spiritual mentor and open a rock ’n’ roll ashram? Found a chain of strip-mall Mexican restaurants? Those are all well and good, but if you’re Pat Jordan, leader of the Pat Jordan Band, you author a book and call it My Penis Is in This Book, Please Read It. Now, even if we knew what the book was about, it’s seems better to simply let the mystery hang. Maybe there’s a reference to his penis in the book. Maybe the entire story is about his penis. Maybe, good God, there’s some pulp-making process for the book’s pages that is better left unconsidered. Either way, Jordan celebrates the release of his book by singin’ and strummin’ with the Pat Jordan Band, with Partner and Tommy Rickard from Wonderbread 5 opening, on Friday, Feb. 5, at the Hopmonk Tavern. 230 Petaluma Ave., Sebastopol. 8pm. $12–$15. 707.829.7300.Gabe Meline 
The Grammy-winning pianist Garrick Ohlsson, who became the first American to win the International Frédéric Chopin Piano Competition in 1970, is a world-renowned star of classical piano. With an enormous repertoire and a dizzying finger span (a 13th in the left hand; 12th in the right), Ohlsson, a resident of San Francisco, has turned ever more frequently to Beethoven’s sonatas in recent annual trips to Napa. This year, he celebrates Chopin’s bicentenary by returning to the work of the composer who helped him make his name 40 years ago in the classical world in an all-Chopin program that’s promised to include the delightful 24 Preludes. As for the rest of the program, the sky’s the limit; after all, Ohlsson’s 16-CD set Chopin: The Complete Works on Hyperionshows no sign of being toppled as the definitive complete piano recordings of one of the instrument’s finest composers. He appears on Friday, Feb. 5, at the First United Methodist Church. 625 Randolph St., Napa. 7:30pm. Tickets available only by subscription at $100 for four-concert series. 707.226.2190.Gabe Meline 
Breakdancing, MC-ing, graffiti writing and DJ-ing: these are the elements of hip-hop, and the foundations on which the distinctly American art form is built. All four are in full force this weekend at ‘The Power of Hip-Hop,’ an event reinforcing the positive vibes and roots of an oft-maligned genre by bringing together all factions of the local hip-hop community. On the wheels of steel are DJs Primo, Rob Cervantes, Ciao Montano and Ricky Switch; on the mic are Alkhemy, New Day, Distant Relatives, Dahlak and Rob-I-Root. Keep your ears peeled especially for God’s Oddities, a Santa Rosa group with a full live band that sounds like Atmosphere fronting early Sublime. Breakdance crews will be in effect getting busy over a four-turntable DJ jam and an open-mic freestyle battle, and to top it all off, there’ll be a 40-foot graffiti wall for some serious wild styles. Now all we gotta do is convince Nas to come to show him that hip-hop isn’t dead on Friday, Feb. 5, at the Phoenix Theater. 201 E. Washington St., Petaluma. 7pm. $8. 707.762.3565.Gabe Meline
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