Moneybags Express
Around the time 50 years ago when the old Michigan Wolverine offensive lineman, Gerald Ford, signed an unprecedented federal government loan guarantee to bail out troubled Chrysler Corporation, a private enterprise, singer Tom Paxton came out with a song, “I Am Changing My Name to Chrysler,” that ended with “and when they hand a million grand out, I’ll be standing with my hand out, brother; I’ll get mine.”
I’m sure many of us are fixing to change our registrations, vote Republican and get the five grand promised by our benefactor president, Dr. Donnie Moneybags, and those of us who routinely vote a bunch of times under assumed names due to our corrupt election system will really cash in.
Just when you thought the Stupid Train had gone off the rails for good, in Venezuela, in Iran, in Canada, in Cuba, in Greenland, at NATO, and in our nation’s capital, Moscow, this one rides into the station for all of us to board.
I’m going to use my stipend to change my name to Robert Vesco and move to Costa Rica. Look me up when you’re in town. Adios, amigos.
Craig J. Corsini
San Rafael
No Free Parking
Parking meters are really just advertising in reverse: Instead of paying to occupy space in someone’s attention, you pay to occupy space on the street. Either way, you’re renting a little territory for a limited time and hoping nobody tows you.
With the coming onslaught of political campaign ads, candidates might save a quarter or two by curbing their enthusiasm. Pull up, park, feed the meter and leave the promises in the trunk. When the time expires, the city can ticket the campaign for overstaying its welcome—which, come to think of it, might be the most democratic process we have left.
Cassady Caution
Petaluma
