Battle of the Baristas, the long-lost chapter in the fight for Middle Earth, is taking place Jan. 17 at 6pm in Sebastopol. OK, it has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings, but it does have a lot to do with coffee and local food and drink, so it’s pretty cool, nonetheless. Three baristas from Oliver’s Market will vie for a grand prize of a trip to a Guatemalan coffee farm with Sebastopol roaster Taylor Maid Farms or a fabulous home espresso kit.

I try to imagine that last line in the voice of Monty Hall from “Let’s Make a Deal.” But that’s what too much coffee does to a person, makes them imagine things read in game show hosts’ voices. Everything sounds so exciting and full of promise. But I digress, back to the barista smackdown. It roughly follows the rules of the World Barista Championship, though there is no signature drink and it includes a trivia section. What is this, Jeopardy? Sorry, I mean, What is, Jeopardy? No, that didn’t work, either.

But back to the championship thing. Seven baristas total from all three Oliver’s Markets in Sonoma County competed in the semifinals Jan. 7-9. The winners, Marghi Sulas (Oliver’s Stony Point), Aubrey Bell (Oliver’s Montecito) and Tanu Peleti (Oliver’s Cotati) will be judged on temperature, texture, foam art and overall presentation for a shot of espresso and a latte, says Taylor Maid Marketing Manager Kara Klinge, as well as their shouts of “NO WHAMMY, NO WHAMMY, NO WHAMMYYYY AAAAAANNNNNDDDDDD STOP!” No wait, that’s the game show network leaking out of my head again.

But seriously, the coffee contest is going to be great. There will be music from the Restless Sons Band, food from East West Cafe and Bakery Angelica and a keg of kombucha, in case the coffee buzz isn’t enough to calm those shaky hands. This whole thing came about through Taylor Maid and Oliver’s, who have been partners for the past seven years with Oliver’s serving the Sebastopol-roasted coffee exclusively for all it’s hot coffee drinks.

Battle of the Baristas commences Thursday, Jan. 17 at Taylor Maid Farms. 7190 Keating Ave., Sebastopol. 6pm. Free. www.taylormaidfarms.com.

There’s a new technology on the market. Imagine a touch screen tablet with keyboard buttons that pop up on command and then disappear just as fast. Well stop imagining. Tactus, a Silicon Valley startup company has made such a thing. Here’s the June 11, 2012 story and here’s the story from the demonstrations at the recent CES convention in Las Vegas.

It uses a technology called microfluidics, and that’s all I know about it. It’s being referred to as “the tablet that turns itself lumpy,” probably the worst possible way to describe it. Lumpy? That’s a 50-year-old technophobic editor speaking, right there. The one who can’t get his iPhone to put all the things into one folder thingy. But it’s cool technology, nonetheless.

I remember when touchscreens started getting popular, and now they’re mainstream. And when Minority Report came out, with Tom Cruise, he put on those gloves and moved windows around on clear computer screens. That happens now, too, but we don’t need the gloves. And in Total Recall (the first one) when Arnold sits down and the newspaper is just a digital tablet-like device, THAT’S NOW! Man, I’ve got to start re-watching those ’70s and ’80s sci-fi flicks. Otherwise I’ll be left wishing I had three hands, baby.

It’s great that the Marin County Kumbaya Patrol is ready to talk about gun control, and even better that they’ve been ready for quite some time now.
Still, now that the entity that sprang full-formed from the brain of Jon Stewart is a Facebook page, perhaps it could turn its attention to some issues closer to home. True, the hot-tub lovin’ mecca of open space and naked people is always chock-full of love, except when it’s not. Here are four local issues that could use some kumbaya.

1. Stop the Lawsuits!
Central Marin Sanitation Agency and Ross Valley Sanitary District have waged costly legal battles with each other, despite multiple grand jury reports on the pair’s disfunction. The latter has also been associated with a million-gallon sewage spill, an EPA investigation, claims of eco-terrorism, allegation of mismanaged housing dollars and a blog called “Ross Valley Sewer Truth.”

2. Do Something About Eldercare
All you need to start cashing in on the eldercare industry in California is a business license, and in the elderly county, this industry is veering out of control.

3. Address Affordable Housing
We’ve said it before: According to Marin Community Foundation, 60 percent of the workforce commutes in. Of course, someone brought up the helpful point to the New York Times—upping the county’s supply of low income units could turn Marin into Syria.

4. Talk About Domestic Violence
The wealthy county’s number one violent crime, this often-underreported resulted in 800 calls to police, 2,500 calls to local hotlines and 2 deaths in 2009, according to a 2010 Grand Jury report.

Last fall, we covered the debut of The Silent History, an innovative, “new kind of novel” created by a team that includes former managing editor of McSweeney’s (and part-time Forestville resident) Eli Horowitz and Russell Quinn, a talented software developer and designer who lives in Cazadero. A serialized digital storytelling project, designed specifically for the iPhone and iPad, that project has the potential to redefine storytelling as we know it. It’s also addictive, well-written and entertaining.

Eli Horowitz was interviewed last week over at Other People With Brad Listi. This is one of my favorite literary podcasts. Hosted by Brad Listi, founder and publisher of The Nervous Breakdown, at its best, the show sheds insight into the creative process and lives of writers and editors who fall between the traditional margins of literature. The interview with Horowitz should be a good one!

An overflowing lobby surprised Sonoma County administrators last night at the public forum convened by Rep. Mike Thompson (D—St. Helena) at the County Supervisor’s Chambers. Dozens spoke on both sides of the argument, both for tighter gun laws and calling for more guns for protection. Thompson was recently called upon to head a panel of 12 fellow Democrats called the Congressional Gun Violence Prevention Task Force. Today, Marin County’s District Attorney weighed in with his thoughts on the matter.

In response to the Sandy Hook shooting, Marin County announced a gun buyback program taking place on January 15 and 21. “ I personally believe we are a society with too many guns simply sitting in garages, closets, drawers and who knows where else,” says Marin County District Attorney Ed Berberian in a press release. “Let’s take a step to reduce the total number of these weapons.”

Residents of Sonoma County are invited to participate in the program as well, which doles out $200 for each operable semi-automatic gun and $100 for anything else. This is a “no questions asked” policy, according to the DA’s office, and no police investigations will be launched as a result of someone turning in a gun.

Guns can be turned in January 15 between 11am and 8pm at: Novato Police Department, 909 Machin Avenue, Novato; San Rafael Police Department, 1400 Fifth Avenue, San Rafael; Larkspur police facility of the Central Marin Police Authority, 250 Doherty Drive, Larkspur; St. Andrew’s Church, 101 Donahue, Marin City; and Pt. Reyes Substation of the Marin County Sheriff’s Office, 101 4th Street, Pt. Reyes. Guns should not be loaded when turned in. Locations for the January 21 buyback are San Rafael and Mill Valley (1 Hamilton Drive, Mill Valley) police departments between 11am and 8pm.

Marin County has committed $10,000 to this program, with additional funds coming from the Marin Community Foundation ($20,000) and the community at large donating another $10,000 to the Marin County DA’s office.

The dates were chosen to commemorate the Birthday of Martin Luther King Jr., one being on the day of his birth and one being on the calendar-observed holiday honoring him. A victim of gun violence himself, Dr. King was a ceaseless advocate of peaceful protest, decrying the use of violence for any purpose.

The most mind-boggling quote from the Press Democrat’s story on last night’s forum had to be this: “Children need to know how to protect themselves,” reportedly spoken by a self-described grandmother and National Rifle Association recruiter, saying the NRA already teaches gun safety to children. It’s hard to imagine a lack of guffaws from the North Bay crowd after that comment.