Page 185 | Bohemian | Sonoma & Napa Counties

Best Way to Un-Mellow a Cello

Daedalus Howell

Mar 21, 2023

Dirty Cello’s new album rocks Hopmonk Sebastopol

“We thought we would originally call it ‘Greatest Hits,’ but it sounded super pretentious,” Rebecca Roudman jokes about Dirty Cello’s “approximately” 13th album. Why they’re resorting to ballpark figures is a technical matter that pales next to the myriad achievements of the band itself.

Led by Roudman on cello, the North Bay-based band has performed everywhere from Iceland and Israel, to China and much of the U.S., not to mention the occasional castle in Scotland. They’ve played so many locales, in fact, that one wonders if this whole cello-led rock-blues-bluegrass “band thing” is really just a clever cover story for their work as international super-assassins.

I’m sure they could tell me, but they’d have to kill me. So, I don’t ask and choose instead to become complicit in their cover: The band is playing a gig in support of “Number 13” (because, honestly, “Greatest Hits” is kinda on the nose for hit-men) at Sebastopol’s Hopmonk.

The album is composed of high-energy, rocking originals that “all have a story” and are based on the myriad misadventures, travel disasters and internal frictions that occur within creative collaborations. “All of the songs on the album come from some weird event of an incident, usually inspired by ourselves, sometimes inspired by other people—and some of the songs are even secretly inspired by other band members, but they don’t know this,” laughs Roudman.

One track on the album, “Cloud Nine,” was inspired by a fan whose usually dour disposition had turned ebullient when they next saw her. “We’re like, okay, what’s going on? What’s the change? She said, ‘I’m really happy because my divorce just got finalized,’” said Roudman.

Another song came courtesy of an Ohio man who hired the band to help win back a woman who had dumped him. “Despite our advice, the guy insisted upon a nearly half-hour concert of non-romantic Disney songs played in a freezing park in near darkness,” recalls Roudman. “If you want to find out what happened next, you’ll have to come to the show and hear our song, ‘Don’t Offer Me Weed.’”

Get the real story when Dirty Cello performs at 8pm, Saturday, March 25, at Hopmonk Tavern, 230 Petaluma Ave., Sebastopol. Tickets are $25 and available at dirtycello.com or hopmonk.com/livemusic. — DH

Best Barnyard Trifecta

Mark Fernquest

Mar 21, 2023

Three Favorites, Santa Rosa & Sebastopol

I wager that the richest beverage race in Sonoma County lies along a certain backstretch of track between Santa Rosa Avenue and Highway 116. The starting line begins at HenHouse Brewing Co., on Bellevue Avenue—the perfect place to put blinders on and indulge in handles of Oyster Stout, followed by grips of Gorilla Coop. At this point, the odds are in our favor; the handicap is manageable.

But should we stumble, a 10-minute Lyft ride across the board to Crooked Goat Brewing, in Sebastopol’s Barlow District, will allow our liquid marathon to safely continue with pints of Bee Beard honey ale for good luck and Mountain Goat IPAs to set our inhibitions free. Feeling our oats now, we intrepid racers can hoof the final furlong over to Third Pig Bar on South Main Street, where all bets are off as we jockey for the daily double: pitchers of Fluffy Puppy porter and a round of chilled New Year, New Pigs.

It’s not even midnight and the finish line has been crossed. The race is over: We’re in the money now.

HenHouse Brewing Co., 322 Bellevue Ave., Santa Rosa. Brewery and tasting room hours: Mon–Thu 4–9pm, Fri 2–9pm, Sat–Sun 11am to 9pm.

henhousebrewing.com/location/santa-rosa

Crooked Goat Brewing, 120 Morris St., #120, Sebastopol. Hours: Sun–Wed 11:30am to 9pm, Thu 11:30am to 10pm, Fri & Sat 11:30am to 11pm. 707.827.3893. www.crookedgoatbrewing.com/sebastopol

Third Pig Bar, 116 S Main St., Sebastopol. Hours: Wed–Sat 4pm to midnight, Sun noon to 6pm,

closed Mon & Tue. www.thirdpigbar.com — M.F.

Best Place to Not Drown Your Sorrows but Teach Them to Swim

Isabella Cook

Mar 21, 2023

Best Place to Not Drown Your Sorrows but Teach Them to Swim

Flora Luna, Petaluma

Dear Reader: I broke from a deep sleep to the sound of a thunderclap—wait, no, it was just a person closing their door three floors above me. Still, when you’re this hungover…

Bleary-eyed, I think to myself that maybe, just maybe, tequila and fermented brews aren’t what will keep me from the brink of infinite woe…instead, perhaps bitters without the bitterness of boozing is the way to go!

And so I set out to unearth the rarest of treasures, a diamond in the rough (world of casual post-pandemic alcoholism): a bar with no booze. And that, dear reader, is how I found myself in the chicken-revering streets of Petaluma, sequestered in the cozy embrace of Flora Luna, the North Bay’s best and only alcohol-free cocktail lounge.

I sip my artisanal beverage, a spicy number called “No Strings Attached,” and think to myself, “At Flora Luna, I’m not drowning my sorrows—I’m teaching them to swim!”

Flora Luna is located at 122 Kentucky St. in Petaluma. For more information, visit the website at floralunaapothecary.com. — I.C.

Best Place to Pretend Like You Own Land

Evan Davis

Mar 21, 2023

The Madrona Manor, Healdsburg

Like I’m always telling my nephew, take any two powerful figures, fictional or otherwise, from just about any medium of storytelling, and you’ll notice that, whoever they are, they have two things in common: They’re landowners, and they’re not afraid to drink booze in the afternoon.

Warren Buffet. Probably a bigger fan of the ol’ booger-sugar, but Buffet’s also emblematic of the Rich Old White Guy who keeps a New England mansion for a summer home and does his deals at two in the afternoon with an Old Fashioned in his hand.

Colonel Sanders. While not depicted as such in any of KFC’s advertising, it’s known perfectly well he’s in his element standing on a wrap-around porch he owns with a mint julep in his hand while the sun is high.

Jesus H. Christ. The guy turns water into wine and “He’s got the whole world in his hands, the whole wide world, in his hands.” That’s the king of both boozing and landownership.

Now, with the economy being what it is and me having been born in the early ’90s, so that I was going to high school during the time I should have been investing in foreclosed property, owning a piece of land in an actual, legal sense is a boat that I and those like me have missed.

So that’s why I come to The Madrona Manor in Healdsburg, to play pretend that I’m Colonel Sanders.

Technically a boutique hotel (whatever that means), it’s a big ol’ mansion that overlooks a vineyard. It’s a perfect place to walk the grounds, sit on the porch in a rocking chair, swirl a drink in your hand and imagine yourself as the heir to an oil or cattle ranching empire. And, ironically at the same cost as a down payment on a house, you can even stay the night.

As a bonus for any of those nighttime guests, the place is rumored to be lightly haunted. So like the bourbon cocktail in your hand while you muse on the life you could have had, the spirits will accent your stay. — E.D.

Best Way to Get Entwined in Hollywood and Vines

Weeklys Staff

Mar 21, 2023

Best Way to Get Entwined in Hollywood and Vines

Sonoma International Film Festival, Sonoma

If filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola has taught us anything, it’s that one should always go big with both cinema and wine. But until his career capping Megalopolis hits screens (it’s only now in production) or the latest vintage of his Director’s Cut Pinot Noir starts pouring, we should busy ourselves with proportionate pairings of film and wine, courtesy of the Sonoma International Film Festival (SIFF).

This year, the fest celebrates its 26th year with 110 cinematic experiences unspooling over five days in Sonoma. Among the selection of award-winning features, thought-provoking documentaries and piquant short films is the world premiere of director Marc Turtletaub’s much anticipated Jules, starring Ben Kingsley, Harriet Sansom Harris, Jane Curtin, Zoe Winters and Jade Quon.

Here’s the logline: When an elderly man in a small town receives an unexpected visitor, his life and the lives of two women in his community are upended completely in this delightful comedic drama.

Audiences can get a gander of the stars onscreen and off this week when the director and much of his cast (Kingsley, Harris, Winters and Quon) personally attend the premiere as well as a subsequent VIP party, Wednesday, March 22. To reserve your ticket, visit sonomafilmfest.org or visit the SIFF Box Office at 117 West Napa St., Sonoma. — Bohemian Staff

Best Windows to Set Wide and Drink the Day

Daedalus Howell

Mar 21, 2023

Best Windows to Set Wide and Drink the Day

Save Energy, Petaluma

As Edith Wharton once said, “Set wide the window. Let me drink the day.” This is a splendid notion if you’re A) low on liquor and B) your windows actually open. But if you’re like me and thousands of other homeowners in the bi-county area who are similarly running dry, it’s impossible to “drink the day” when your windows are painted shut. Or, worse, they don’t shut or aren’t even there at all.

This is when you either need more booze or new windows—and on this day, they were fresh out of booze.

Choosing a window-tender (I think that’s the official term) ain’t easy—there are myriad considerations of glass type, energy efficiency, general aesthetics, size and shape (and before you say your windows are rectangular—if your house is over 50 years old—they’re not). So, here’s a tip—call Save Energy Windows and Doors in Petaluma. They’re knowledgeable, courteous, fast and efficient—a two window installation in this old house (which is about to celebrate its sesquicentennial) took only a few hours.

When they were done, I was finally able to “set wide the window,” which I promptly closed. Then poured a tall one. Because, darling Edith, there are other ways to do your day drinking.

Visit saveenergyco.com.

Best Place to Dine Like Gwyneth

Mark Fernquest

Mar 21, 2023

The Spinster Sisters, Santa Rosa

The Spinster Sisters, or Spinstuh, as I call it, is one of my favorite Santa Rosa restaurants, and not just because my sister-in-law mentioned it to me after reading Gwyneth Paltrow’s glowing recommendation in a certain magazine I’ve long since forgotten the name of.

Was a time when I lived nearby and walked to Spinstuh on Sunday mornings for brunch, but brunch is no longer served there and I now live farther away. Thank heavens Spinstuh survived COVID and still offers dinner, now with the added flare of outdoor seating in a truly beautiful garden-like setting.

In addition, Family Meals To Go are available by pre order, and takeout is offered until 15 minutes prior to closing. Raising my holy hand, I now command everyone who has never been to The Spinster Sisters to indulge themselves before next fall.

The Spinster Sisters, 401 South A St., Santa Rosa. Dinner hours: Tue–Sat 5–9pm. Reservations recommended. 707.528.7100. www.thespinstersisters.com. — M.F.

Best Place to Get Baked

Mark Fernquest

Mar 21, 2023

Criminal Baking Co., Santa Rosa

“If I were a scone, I’d get baked at Criminal Baking Co.,” I think as I sit on a bench near a dog park six blocks from Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square. Which isn’t to say I’m not a scone, in some other parallel universe. Or that I’m not baked, for that matter.

I am baked, actually, in the other way. Right here and right now, I’m a real-as-can-be, flesh-and-blood dude; a glassy-eyed, dry-mouthed fooligan sitting in a thinning cloud of state-legalized blue smoke. A simple psychonaut who imagines simple things, like where he’d get baked if he were actually a tasty pastry.

Perhaps I’m following the wrong lines of logic, though. Perhaps the apropos question of the moment is: Where did I get baked, just a couple of minutes ago, before doughy thoughts began dancing dreamily through my dizzy head? Why, I probably got baked right here where I’m sitting now, on this beautiful bench somewhere very, very near Criminal Baking Co. Because Criminal is red hot in this universe and parallel universes. And for anyone who wants anything to do with baked goods for any reason whatsoever, it’s one of the best places to go.

A word of warning, though: On a hot summer day, this neighborhood gets very, very hot. So hot that if I wanted to overheat I’d simply plant myself on a bench like this one and let the sun, well, bake me. Thankfully today is the perfect temp for this neighborhood. It’s just shy of cool. And ahhh, what a bench. And that smell in the air. Pastries! Hmmm. I reach for my vape, puff mightily and exhale.

If I were a scone, I’d get baked at Criminal Baking Co, I think as I sit on a bench near a dog park six blocks from Santa Rosa’s Railroad Square …

Criminal Baking Co., 808 Donahue St., Santa Rosa. Hours: Mon–Sun 7:30am to 3pm. 707.888.3546. www.criminalbaking.com — M.F.

Best Place That Smashes Stereotypes

Evan Davis

Mar 21, 2023

Department of Motor Vehicles, Santa Rosa

We’re fortunate to be of an era now wherein every day old thoughts are challenged, new ground is broken and glass ceilings are, if not shattered, at least raised. So in that spirit of retiring old, outdated ideals, I offer good news…

Y’all, the DMV kicks ass now.

I’m serious! We don’t need to live with the misery of disdainful, slothful assistance, or appointments that take two hours to see through anymore. Speaking at least for the Santa Rosa DMV on Corby Avenue, that place is a well-oiled model of efficiency. The folks there are pleasant, attentive and get you in and out in under 20 minutes. They use iPads now! We should be sorely tempted to put their achievement right up there with men being able to cry, women increasingly in engineering roles and minorities holding public office.

The old world is dead, and “An Efficient DMV” is the piece of utopia none of us realizes we want until we have it, and we have it now. — E.D.