Perhaps one has heard the term “teachable moment” in recent years. It is a way of framing or reframing a mistake or misfortune into a learning opportunity or chance for growth.
I recently watched vice presidential candidate Tim Walz speak at the Democratic National Convention. And I got emotional when I saw the show of support he received from his family. I teared up vicariously when I saw his son overflowing with pride for his father—“That’s my dad.” It reminded me of the last conversation I ever had with my own father, and I cried when I told him how proud of him I was.
Not everyone had the same reaction. I know people who were not blessed with good relationships with their fathers, and others whose fathers embarrassed them. We can all learn from each other by sharing our experiences, even when we sometimes disagree.
Ann Coulter provided a teachable moment by tweeting (and subsequently deleting) the following about Walz’s son: “talk about weird…”
It has opened conversations about when—if at all—it is acceptable to mock children. Many people observe Gus Walz’s neurodiversity; he has a nonverbal learning disorder and ADHD. These are important conversations, because (like with so many issues) it is not clear when “just joking” pushes limits into harmful or cruel behavior.
Dirty Deleting is when a person makes a post or comment on social media that provokes outrage. In that discomfort and embarrassment (possibly even guilt or shame), the poster chooses to delete—if it is not there, it did not happen—rather than acknowledge, apologize or make a correction.
Deleting without comment is an avoidant behavior that limits the potential for growth and learning.
In my field, there is significant evidence that shame is not an effective mechanism for conflict management or behavioral change. When we pretend it did not happen or ignore our role, we become stuck. When we take accountability, we listen to others, actively address issues and take corrective action. People of all age groups benefit when we acknowledge conflicts, communicate and collaborate to find solutions.
Wim Laven, Ph.D., teaches courses in political science and conflict resolution.
